06x18 - The Housekeeper

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all that is black gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old Jeb's

a millionaire the Kinfolk said can't

move away from there said California is

a place you ought to be solder loaded up

the truck in the mood to Beverly Hills

that is swimming pools movie stars The

Beverly Hillbillies

foreign

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this morning only about half this house

clean 22 rooms not really oh I got an

excuse I had an extra heavy laundry to

do we had spare ribs last night for

supper and that means a couple of

hundred napkins for Jethro alone

stop a moment I can't I'm behind

schedule I had to bend a new rug beater

the scrub board broke I had to re-wash

all the windows after that shower last

night then things froze the body down

considerably because the youngsters help

and you're looking at her Franny

you you can't go on like this

I know you're standing on my mop

at least let me help you with your word

is there something I can do yeah leave

me alone so I can get on with it

but I shall be back I'm back about six

o'clock we can talk while I'm scrubbing

the wall and this is my considered

opinion that a granny continues to do

housework at this patient will end up in

the hospital

Chief are you listening

how can I did you see this morning's

paper it's a tragedy oh dear did

somebody pass away

it's worse than that the stock market

Amalgamated muffin pan is down a quarter

of a point and you're crying about that

well you cry too I lost 9.25

well how would you like to lose 73

million

Oh you mean you mean the clamp of the

car well I don't worry about granny

she's stronger than both of us but she's

working like a Dynamo 20 hours a day so

working hard from dawn the does keep

people young alive

in fact

I think I'll put in a Health Plan like

that for my employee

excuse us Mr dry Dale Ms Gene hello

there Mr Clive at Ollie May what can we

do for you well uh Miss Gene who's up

the house you've seen granny doo in her

housework well I only saw her briefly uh

when I was there she was in a tizzy yeah

started cleaning things I never heard of

I'm worried about Granny's house chores

she's going to work her fingers right

down to the bones yeah and the rest of

us almost there now

isn't that a coincidence I was just

telling Miss Hathaway how worried I was

about granny working so hard I'm sick of

that I'm getting a little sick myself

build it on her housekeeping but here

lately uh well we're the only place in

the neighborhood that gets its grass

shampooed regularly

see our name stop when she goes to bed

she sleeps her clothes under her

mattress to press

I crazy he's going to wear herself right

down to a frazzle no wasn't I saying

that very thing just a minute ago no

maybe not in so many words anyway we're

gonna have to move out of Beverly Hills

to smaller place so wait a minute there

must be another solution I don't don't

get excited I I I don't think it's

something don't don't panic

very simple granny needs housekeeping

help we've already offered to pitchy

yeah I got time on my hand all I got is

14 acres to keep mood and weeded she

won't let us help I was referring to

service in a house that side they're an

absolute necessity you know the only way

you get a housekeeper past granny is to

hold a shotgun on her yeah and even that

might not work she's dead set again but

if I could think of a way

you might be saving that sweet old

deer's life

yeah I see what you mean or Mr dry do

om thank you goodbye

I have tried every domestic Employment

Agency in Beverly Hills for the 57th an

hour you're offering all you can get is

a babysitter this is an outrage you mean

in this whole city you can't find a

housekeeper for the Krampus in the first

place they all insist upon Christmas and

New Year's Day off ridiculous I don't

even get right back in boys that right

you what oh no forget it Margaret will

come up with someone

your wife is looking she knows every

Maiden housekeeper in Beverly Hills

they've all quit on it

hello oh Margaret ah how about a

housekeeper for granny oh you found the

perfect one eh what's your name

miss me yes huh you've talked to her

good

huh yes I have the number oh thank you

dear I'm taking you out to dinner

tonight for this yes make some

sandwiches and we'll eat in the backyard

I found a housekeeper uh All That

Remains is to talk granny as well you

said you would take care of that I have

I assigned the task to my most trusted

employee unfortunately Crandall took

sick today so now it's up to you I just

took sick too relaxed we'll drive up

there together

are you you're going to talk to her I'll

keep the motor running it's such a shame

if anyone else needed help granny would

be the first to lend a helping hand wait

that's it

granny would never turn down anyone in

need now now you tell Miss Meek to be up

there in a half an hour I'll take care

of the rest

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Uncle Jim as Mr Drysdale talked granny

into getting the housekeeper yet I don't

know he's been talking I had a quite a

spam

just mad as ever it's no wonder Mr

Drysdale was brave enough to go on in

there

until after I got granny calmed down

well how'd you do that with a little

talking a lot of rope

granny you've got to give Miss Meek this

housekeeping job you'll make it sound

like it's a matter of life for death

well in a matter of speaking it is

baggage huh only I know how much

I don't want a housekeeper

granny

imagine a little lady just like you

fragile beautiful Noble generous uh

sweet little creatures with just a touch

of silver in her hair which is so far

imagine her stranded on the cold and

very sidewalks of Beverly Hills

hoping for a few moments of honest

employment I can see her imagine her

desert humbly standing on your doorstep

there she is a mop in one hand a bucket

in the other

pleading for a job as your housekeeper I

just lost

granny you can't turn this away oh yes I

can

I think but she needs you all right she

can have the job dog garment if I just

wasn't so soft-hearted and safe

I'm gonna get a housekeeper I want to

clean the house before she gets here

oh hi there

I make

my name is Jed Clampett

if you're the housekeeper that Mr dryer

deal God he's still in there talking to

Granny how many rooms in this place

well uh until he talks her into having

you around uh might be safer use the

wait outside

maybe even down the street at peace

are you the housekeeper

oh

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gonna be our housekeeper but you sure

don't look as old as Mr Drysdale said

you was all that hard work that keeps

her so young looking I know that's my

Beauty secret too all right for our

reporters I want to make sure they're

all right from a speaker I would like to

see you on the porch for a moment

all right you can carry in my bag

you are not a sweet little old lady well

stop the presence I'm not sure that

you're right for the climates question

is are the clamp is right for me why

don't you don't really take on a job

without asking for reference reference

you can forget them this time I'll give

these Farmers a chance and see how they

work out this is impossible no we'll get

along fine as long as they do as they're

told

would you open the door open the door on

me

and please be extra nice to the Krampus

they mean more to me than

my own life yeah after working for Mrs

Drysdale I can see why I don't remember

you working for her I barely do myself

she fired me after 15 minutes

oh Mr Clampett about the housekeeper you

ought to feel that proud of yourself Mr

Price you're not only helping Granny but

peers like you've done a good turn from

his Meek as well what

granny told me everything he said about

her being out of a job and needed money

bad and all we'll never forget you for

what you've done probably not try

somebody pull my brakes I over

I pulled your drapes granny as long as

we're hiring Ms Meek I want you to start

taking life easier don't worry I will

there ain't nobody happier to give up

housework than me

than me

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I'll just keep real do that yeah

well

it's hard to break habits of a lifetime

just sit down here let me get you a cup

of coffee

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will you get a hold to yourself I'm

through

yeah look over there

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I thought I saw a cobweb really the way

you scrubbed this kitchen it's all I can

do to keep paint on the wall I'll leave

some for real meat to do well wearish I

ain't seen her since she got here

yesterday an adult look like she's

coming down today neither is putting

their six o'clock this is their first

day on a job he's probably upstairs

cramping getting herself all fixed up

trying to look her best first

it's six o'clock in the morning

apologize I see you've been up fixing us

a fancy hairdo

I liked it better the way you had it

yesterday

I wasn't up I was asleep and if those

kids yelling outside my window hadn't

wakened me I'd still be well uh this is

your first night with us uh don't worry

about oversleeping a little it's six

o'clock nobody in their right mind gets

up at this hour

feeling bad about it yeah we heard a

City full lays the bed till later night

really

well I don't know how to break this to

you but you're looking at one that's got

to lay in bed till 10

. that one must have really been kicked

around a lot yeah and I'm beginning to

understand why

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what happened you look as though you've

been up all night only because I have

been worrying about the clamp it's

leaving

I've got them a housekeeper that's why

I've been worrying my wife double

crossed me with that Miss Meek oh no you

mean

she has all the charm and Tack of a

hangman and I'm the one that's g*ng huh

Drive the clappers back to the hills

their Millions will go into their

Hometown Bank that empty Lord pale and

Luke shorts General Store where's your

promise me for a good reason I'm afraid

of it

I'm not

this is going to take more than Brute

Force the Krampus thinks she's a

hardship case aha you lied to them

you said that men who took their honor

from when he finds themselves without

either it is also said secretaries who

preach the bosses find themselves

without jobs

no I may sit and cry a little bit if you

can't fire her maybe you could lure her

away from the club into the better

position

yeah something with higher pay and more

Prestige than a housekeeper

if that lets out anything down here

thanks

a good job as tough as he is should make

a terrific guard oh gee not a guard for

the bag no for the Los Angeles Rams

oh miss me you're up I wondered if he

was gonna make it but you got any coffee

sure just push them cucumbers out of the

way

would you like some breakfast

or at this hour would you rather have

lunch

I'm gonna go to a little housework now

have a bite

hey you're the boy I got everything

ready for you made up the Tittle of my

own pine tar and possum fat furniture

polish nothing shines better hair smells

worse anyhow I don't do polishing

oh I see

well I'll do it

and you can start scrubbing the kitchen

floor scrub this floor oh yeah I keep it

so clean you can eat off of it with

death row around you gotta be ready for

anything did they tell you I don't scrub

for it well

I scrub down the outside of the house

yesterday well bully for you and I just

soon climb the walls wash it

and then all right I'll do them too

you mind beating the rugs no rubbing

alone Nothing by hand

no I'll do that too now just let's save

a little time just what do you do well I

don't mind cooking but I get paid extra

for it I do the cooking around here

oh well all right you can cook I reckon

you need the money

why don't you do something with these

hog jowls grits and collard greens I

don't take out garbage

this here's my chicken Miranda and it's

my way of welcoming you I want you to

have hers your very own well gee thanks

I love stewed chicken

it's too old to find

I feel like getting my heady work out of

the way I'm gonna dust

did you hear the way she talked about my

chicken

it's starting to get hot under the car

you're getting hot under the collar

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look at the ladies leader getting my

housekeeper and it's already loafing

around

any

strange it seems appears all let's relax

and this made you a little tense it's

not miss me

he's going to get along about his

lovey-dovey as a pair of fighting

your nose just out of joint on a car all

the Thunder she stole from you you get

along with it don't forget she needs

that money in addition to that she's had

a lifetime of people walking on her

I'd like to do a Turkey Trot on our

gizzard myself

didn't need the money I

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is that the way you dust sure it's my

specialty

I know why you're here and I'd like to

do something about it okay sh**t

don't Temple yeah

my share of Jen's money is 15 million

and you can have it all if you'll just

leave and go help some other poor old

woman and leave my housekeeping to me 15

million are you kidding most of it's in

the bank but I can give you a down

payment of what a ham in my cookie jar

wait a minute this is play money I know

it ain't it's the real thing 100

Confederate

what of course it's all a Confederate I

got for the rest of the 50 million I'll

have to give you a different kind of

money great and what can I buy with it

Park Place and Boardwalk

all right granny look at that Mystique

work she just don't stop does she no not

even for money

I don't think she'll make a good

housekeeper for you Jed she ain't up to

my standard oh she's up to mine

she seem to be doing a real fine job now

I'm going to walk down to Mr dryer deals

and thank him when I come back I want to

see things different around here

don't worry

they will be

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about having Miss Meek is a housekeep

Manny well she's got a way to go to

sh**t me but she's up to gem standards

and that's what counts

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hey what happened here

well Jen without the right Camera House

can go downhill awful fast of course

maybe I'm too finicky what are you folks

say

this is terrible well then let's all go

into the park we can shove the dirty

dishes off the sofa and all we have to

worry about is the dust hey Mr dry Dale

would you mind getting the bags upstairs

I'm quitting I found me a better job you

can't quit now you've got this whole

mess to clean up what mess looks fine to

me

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after all the effort I made to find it I

may as well tell you there's an opening

for a Jailer at the Toronto Maximum

Security Prison not anymore I just took

it it ain't just the money it's a chance

to do something I really enjoy

the first one that raises as much as a

fingers

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anything that makes you that happy is

probably good food

they seems to be having fun yep almost

as much as it did when I messed it up

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thank you

well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heaping helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is sell his Bell take

your shoes off y'all come back now here

this has been a film waste presentation

thank you yeah