06x02 - The Clampetts in London

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to him a story about a

man named Jed for a mountaineer barely

kept his family's head and then one day

he was sh**ting at some food and up to

the grounds

all that is black gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old Jeb's

a millionaire the Kim folk said can't

move away from there said California is

a place you want to be solder loaded up

the truck and removed

Hills that is swimming pools movie stars

a Beverly hillbilly

thank you

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hot dog we was on our way to London now

sit down Jethro You'll Rock the airplane

he too early it was going to be

strangers in a Strange Land we all stop

worrying you're traveling with an

educated man but you only cry Jade the

sixth grade well you can't fall 12 years

of schooling

did you learn anything about England are

you kidding I studied two years of

English I think you can find our castle

of course I cared your Royal Majesty

sir

put on the air

okay then I'll just call you Psy is

everything all right here mine is frogs

here man

he just talks country like that when

he's around you peasants actually that

there is this Royal Highness the Earl of

clapping oh and the two ladies the young

with the yellow hair that's my Royal

cousin and the little one with the big

mouth that's the Royal Grant I'm his

Majesty's head Bartlett sir Jethro to Bo

D not of the Round Table he's heading

for our Castle I see you want to sit

down and talk

well these two seats it was being held

for Mr Drysdale the Royal Oak and his

secretary but he said they don't allow

Oaks on this flight but I reckon you

know that oh no it comes as a complete

surprise he's flying over later quick as

he gets his old suit broken I brought

your clothes

where are you

anybody with you

no I'm not alone

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hey like this well at least the

Clampetts wouldn't be alone with sir

Jethro as their leader oh they're all

right I've Got a Friend of the airline

keeping track of

besides the fight they're taking lands

only once in San Francisco then non-stop

to London so what can happen hello oh

damn how's my royal family doing

hey what no

well find them

gee what happened

they left the plane in San Francisco

they think it's London

yeah yeah this is the Dandy Hill driver

okay everybody Pokey heads up

look out over the famous old city of

London first thing we notice is a famous

Old English Channel right down yonder

thank you

I am going across it there the famous

old London Bridge

oh and off to the left there we see the

famous old White Cliffs of Dover and

Yonder straight across the channel you

can see the coast of France

there's another place down there in the

water huh

oh that there's one of them British

Isles

excuse me buddy

where do you think you are

ain't just London no this is San

Francisco

what you've been pointing to is Alcatraz

El Cerrito and San Leandro

how do you like that we don't overshot

England and landed in Spain

mac oh thank you man um sorry you had to

wait for us glad to do it

the

white flag

boy well he thinks he's so all fired

tomorrow yeah and he didn't know London

from San Francisco but it just so

happens they both look a heap of light

from the air they both got Seven Hills I

believe that's Rome huh please I always

wanted to see the pyramids

my mistake

look it's almost dinner time how about

some food will you help yourself honey

we got a whole basket full there they

run along everything from sapsucker

giblets to potchef tank well you see

we didn't know you were going to bring

all this food so we have complete

dinners ready to be served

they're included in the fair hear that

youngest is going to have a fair

you're gonna have side shows and freaks

if you ain't you can Barry hours

get up and help the young lady

just a minute ma'am I'll help you oh

thank you but I have help it ain't that

ma'am see I'm the Royal taster

yes ma'am hey you can't give a Zionist

in them no vittles without I taste them

first

very well today

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when do you reckon that fair is going to

commence I'm I'm hungry May 10 Paul we

could be taking them so long the god

Jethro helping you just answered your

own questions

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you gotta have sawdust to spread around

yes sir he's got a whole head get off

the boys back this Royal early business

has got him stirred up what do you means

well

excuse me do you still have that basket

of food sure do honey you need it I

think we might the Royal tasters just

gone through 12 steak dinners

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that creature that's gonna eat England

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is here

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France hey y'all come on back we don't

overshot England again

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well never mind this is England are you

sure about it this time absolutely well

been nice meeting you hey come on out

the castle sometime and see me when I'm

wearing my armor thank you hey have you

ever been a Damsel in Distress

yes for about 6 000 miles

I beg your pardon uh you invited chance

Mr Clement yes sir Jake Clark Mr

Drysdale telephone and ask me to meet

you I'm Cedric Giles efforts of the firm

of solicitors representing the estate of

your distant cousin the late marks well

I'm very pleased to meet you Mr Evans A

series granny and my daughter out of me

that is he says that uh my cousin Marcus

is late

um he's deceased

oh well he didn't look cause Granny's a

doctor what kind of disease has he got

well I'll have to figure that out every

day when I examine thank goodness I

brought my medical supplies with me it

is because Microsoft at the castle well

yes but you see he's been laid to rest

good good just keep him warm family

doctor with him Madam the gentleman is

dead oh well us doctors is only mortal

up there successful without a doctor

don't you worry granny has pulled folks

through everything from fresh to grouchy

Nelson Marcus has dropped you he better

be turned over every now and then I'd

rather imagine he's turning over at this

very moment

come on Jethro can we call us a taxi cab

oh no I've got a car waiting but first

of all you'll have to go through our

British Customs yeah we do our best if

you show us

yes

yes of course

what are y'all doing well this here's a

British costume

British Spanish right don't listen to

the Royal boopy this is what the Spanish

do when they stomping grapes

well come on stop

the costume you go like this they just

wanting us to follow him

hello

inspector here says did you refuse to

open your luggage State here you have

nothing to declare well I've changed my

mind I declare that you are the nosiest

bunch I've ever seen that's why we're

here this is British Customs well this

was foolish enough but pumpkin through

folks's belongings you ought to be

ashamed Mr Clampett didn't object to

opening his bag yeah carrying what I am

guess I need to hide you'll bet you I'm

afraid you leave us no choice that don't

open that I'm warning you

we got to get married you have done

touch my Untouchables

it's the code of the hills

and women's apparel that we

what do we hear yeah that's by night

sounds ain't nothing sacred to you you

Wicked Man what's this that's my

doctor's

you're a doctor man one for 60 years got

a patient waiting for me right now give

cousin Marcus is laying up there at the

castle with a bad case of protein

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what's this that's a buckeye and that's

State Court

dog baby Horse Mint skunk oil Wahoo butt

fresh Gibson weed spider website

everything a doctor needs you were an MD

that's right Mountain doctor

and uh

what might this be

it might be buttermilk but I wouldn't

like no match to see

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I don't know what is this that's

Tennessee tranquilizer one of my best

homemade cures

sure

man I'm afraid by government would not

approve of this homemade cure I I ain't

too happy about it neither

I didn't say I cannot permit you to

bring it into the country you should

have entered this jug before you boarded

the plane if I'd emptied that jug I

wouldn't have needed no pain

see these are medical supplies are

impounded yes sir now wait a minute I

need them pains

ready

you still in here oh come in Mr Clampett

this is our chief Customs inspector

howdy how do you do I'm Chumley no he

ain't dead he's mean

cousin Marcus is laying a death star and

he's fixing to pound my juggling stuff

I wouldn't found that jug if I was you

we could all be laying at this store

that stuff will blow Stone

the only plan holding these supplies

pending inspection don't believe me

it's true Jen he's a render rip why he's

wrong over my bag followed my flimsies

and then wouldn't call a preacher the

cold of the heels don't hold here it

holds in the four corners of the earth I

say Throw Down on him with your shotgun

well that ain't no way to commence a

visit well at least whoop them and get

my medicine back okay I hear a tail that

London is a right good-sized town you

ought to have at least one drugstore

well sorry for the delay no harm done no

harm done if cousin Marcus dies he's to

blame and if that happens you're gonna

catch us your first young whippersnapper

Snapper Madam I'm a sexagenerative

ready

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no drugs drugstore to me no Madam this

is where my office is located it's most

urgent that I confer with my colleagues

immediately oh you want us to come along

no no I I want to warn them

see you later

let's go see the queen yeah take us to

the Tower of London

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I'm walking to the drugstore now granny

Mr Evan said to forget your doctor while

you're here never this town needs every

doctor it can get what would folks

driving on the wrong side of the street

kid

I have swore a oath to heal the sick and

ease the suffering of mankind

and I aim to take medicine to that

castle Bobby

what's a Bobby

I don't know but I heard tell that

they'll help you get wherever you want

to go

to a sophisticated gated head Bartlett

like me

driver follow them two ignorant hay

shakers

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are you sure this is where you buy

medicine positive son how long you aim

to be here granny oh quiet a spell Ellie

I have to start from scratch everything

from Larkspur to leeches let's go side

seek and pick her up later I don't want

to leave her alone again Jethro you and

Ellie run on ahead and see your hotties

to the queen

Charles Evans asked me to give you this

English money well that's real nice of

that's 25 pounds

we're supposed to be 25 pounds of

English money but whoever waited must

have had his thumb on the scale

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hey Madam good day sir can I be of any

assistance well yeah yes sir I believe

so thank you uh the doctor here is

wanting to stock up on medicine

the other doctor I am you the greatest

definitely

well here you are just fill it up with

the standard item

it's standard items that's right Buckeye

snake pork dog Bane parchment spider web

I have a note

you're one of those stuff

let me see if I can remember the formula

from Macbeth

I am Newt until a frog wool of bat and

tongue of dog adders Fork now there's a

drug

I do rather pride myself on my

Shakespeare I never tried that

but if you recommend it I'll

Trickster

over here by the bag or by the bottle

well I should say that we sell

Shakespeare by uh by the volume by the

play by the sonnet

oh give me half a sonnet

I don't want him to think I don't know

my business you're holding your own just

fine granny

if I could write the beauty of your eyes

and in fresh numbers number all your

Graces the age to come would say the

poet lies such Heavenly touches now

touched Earthly faces

laughs

you kind of took a shot

let's get back to my Shakespeare shall I

compare thee to a summer's day

a lot more lovely and more temperate

rough winds to shake the darling buds of

May and Summer's lease hath All Too

Short a date

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The Rascals took them glad you're with

me Chad he's kind of bold

tell you what I'll take a whole sonnet

of that hates me

may I suggest some Venus and the

difference

if it's good stuff

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touch but my lips with those Fair lips

of thy though might be not so fair yet

are they red

the kiss shall be thy know as well as

mine

we'll take a walk to you what about your

duty to Marcus

cousin Marcus laying sick in the castle

you're patient

since I can get kid

at my age centers are kind of scared

stay

Focus if I don't think we gotta hold

another one of them sexagenarians

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are you sure this is where the queen

lives

hand me the bucket Ellie

what's

I'm fixing to make my fortune that's

what

ain't you never read no history this

house Sir Walter Raleigh become famous

what you mean well one day Queen

Elizabeth come Sashay and out of the

palace hey was this your puddle well

quick as a wink sir Walt took off his

coat

laid it on the puddle for the queen to

walk over

well she was so tickled she hauled off

and given Virginia

thank goodness there's one intelligent

member of this year family

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excuse me would you please tell Queen

Elizabeth that sir Jasmine to Bodine is

waiting at the puddle

watch light through you on the window

breaks

it is the East and Juliet is the sun

arise her son and k*ll the envious Moon

who is already pale and sick with grief

the Thou Are Made are far more fair than

sheep be not her name for she is envious

her best deliveries but sick and green

and none but fools do well

foreign

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thank you

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but now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in they're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heaping helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is set a spell take your

shoes off y'all come back now here

this has been a film wise presentation

Viacom

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