13x26 - Big Top Flop/Sandy, Help Us!

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

Kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

All:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[upbeat comical music]

♪ ♪

[clams cooing]

[light music]

♪ ♪

- Hello, me loving paying...

Customers?

Where is everybody?

[ticking]
Hmm. Lunchtime.

"Work day."

[rhythmically]
Money, money, money.

Still have a pulse.
[calliope music plays]

Calliope music?

I'm in a horror movie!

Wait a minute.

What?

Oh, no!

The circus?

No wonder there aren't
any customers.

- Boo.
- [screams]

- Hello again, Krabs.

- Ringmaster Mudcrab?

This is outrageous.

You can't park your flea circus
on my property.

- Since my cousin is the mayor,

this city permit says I can.
- [shouts]

[muttering]

[growling angrily]

- Since you won't be busy,

here's a free ticket
to the circus

so you can see
where all your money went.

Don't forget to try
our cotton candy.

Your customers are gobbling it
up like it was Krabby Patties.

[laughs]
- [grumbles]

- Oh, boy, it's the circus!

Huh?

Hmm.

- Yes, every year
that Ringmaster Mudcrab

rolls into town
and steals me customers.

But this year he's parked
his shabby tent show

right on me property.

- Hey, let's get a Krabby Patty.

- No, let's go
to the circus instead.

[tires squealing]

- [growling angrily]

- well, since there's no work,
I'll be going.

- To the circus.

- To the circus?

- To the circus!

- To destroy it.
[laughs evilly]

- To destroy it?
- To destroy it!

[record scratches]

To destroy it?
- No, no, boy-o, not destroy.

I said "enjoy."

We're going to enjoy the circus.

- Oh.
[object whistling]

- Yay! We're going
to the circus!

- And it'll be fun for all ages.

[laughs wickedly]

[people screaming happily]

[calliope music playing]

- We've got another sold-out
show today, troupe.

So let's give them a spectacle
they'll never forget.

- Yeah, they'll never
forget it, all right.

- Krabs, is that you?

- That's right.
It's Krabs.

And me own crew
of incompetent misfits

will make such a mockery
of your circus

that you'll be drummed
out of Bikini Bottom forever.

- Open up!
Open up, I say!

- Hey, Mr. Krabs,
I don't get it.

Why are we dressed like this?

- Uh, because everyone
in the circus is sick today,

and my friend the ringmaster
asked us to take over the show.

So I'll be...

the new ringmaster!

Both: Yay!

- Where's Squidward?

- Do I have to do this?

- You look great.

The pathos is already moving me
to tears.

- Um...

- Oh, show's starting.
Places, everyone.

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat music playing]

♪ ♪

[spits]
Dummies and numbskulls,

spoiled brats of all ages,

welcome to the crummiest show
on Earth.

- Dummies? Numbskulls?
How rude!

- [chuckles] He must be one
of those insult ringmasters.

- Well, in that case,
he's funny.

[laughter]

- That's weird.
They actually enjoyed that.

Well, wait till they see
this first act.

They're gonna hate it.

I call your attention
to the high wire above me.

Introducing
Sponge-O the Incompetent.

- [munching, spits]

- Hey, that's SpongeBob!

All:
Hi, SpongeBob!

- Oh, hey, kids.

[grunting] Whoa!
[crowd oohs]

- Yes, folks,
isn't he appalling?

Leave now for a full refund.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

- Fall into the net already.

Urchins should do it.
[grunts]

[urchins clamor]
- Ah!

Oh, no. No, no, no.
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow!

I'm out.
[screams]

- [chuckles evilly, grunts]

[crowd cheering]

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
[all cheer]

urchins:
Thank you, thank you.

- Let me out of here.
What do you think you're doing?

- Ha ha!

Ah!
- I'll get us out of here.

Uh, eventually.

[crowd clamoring]

All right, shut up, everybody.
Shut it!

- [munching, grunts, gulps]

- Allow me to point out
the exits,

because this next act is sure
to disappoint you.

Don't put your hands together
for Squid-O,

the world's saddest clown.

- [grunting]

[sighs dejectedly]

all: Aw.

- [sighs dejectedly]

Um...

Ha.

All: Aw.
- [grunts goofily]

[moaning]

all: Aw.

- What? They're not supposed
to sympathize with him.

Don't aw him.
Boo him!

[sad music playing]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

all: Aw.

[birds tweeting]

♪ ♪

- Ah...

all: Aw.

- [groans dejectedly]
all: Aw.

[cheers and applause]

- Mwah, mwah.

Ha. Cha-cha-cha-cha!

- What the...

This idiot crowd
is too easily entertained.

I've got one last act that'll
make them hate this circus.

[Ringmaster grunting]
Almost there.

- All right, you sea bears, out.

Out, out, out, out, out.

Patrick!

- What's up?
- Get in.

[chuckles evilly]

For our next pitiful,

second-rate form
of entertainment,

we have the mournful sight
of a trained dancing sea bear

that's a total fraud!
[cheers and applause]

- [spits] Hey, that's Patrick.
- Aah!

All:
Hi, Patrick!

- Hello, Bikini Bottom!

[whistle blows]
Aah!

Get on the ball, fake bear,

and dance.

- [grunting]

[crowd booing]

- Hey, he's being mean
to the fake bear.

- It's finally working.

Yes, I agree.

This show is the worst.

If I were you, I'd storm out
and demand my money back

and then go spend it
at the Krusty Krab.

[whistle blows]
Hmm?

- Your turn!

On the ball, Ringmaster,
and dance!

All: [chanting]
On the ball! On the ball!

On the ball!
[whips cracking]

- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah!

[laughing]

all: [chanting]
On the ball! On the ball!

[whistle blows]
- Okay, okay. I'll get on.

There, see?

Whoa, whoa. Whoa!

Oh, boy, I'm dragging.
[whistle blowing]

[shouts, grunting]

[all cheering]

[all grunt]

- I'll take care
of Krabs myself.

[whistle blowing]

Krabs!

How dare you turn my circus

into a... well, a circus?

- Well, how dare you
turn me restaurant

into a empty restaurant?

- [shouts]
- Uh-oh.

Alley-oop!

[grunts]

- [growls]

- [grunting]

- You can swing,
but you can't hide.

[grunts]
Oh! No.

- [grunting]

[fanfare plays, crowd cheers]

Whoa!

[crowd clamoring]

- Ha! Looks like
you're hung out to dry.

Aah! Urchins!
Get 'em off me!

- [laughs] What?

Huh?

You'd be nothing without me!

- [grunts] Oh!

Krabs?

- [grunting]

Aah!

[crowd clamoring]

- I'm gonna blast a hole
right through your carapace,

you corny carny.

- [grunts] [tires squealing]

I'm gonna pound out
all of your teeth,

you ridiculous restauranteur.

[cannons blast, both grunting]

[loud impact]

[all cheering]

[light music]

- Hey, Squidward,
do you think Mr. Krabs

will ever come back
to the Krusty Krab?

- I doubt it.

He's making more money now
than he ever did.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

behold the most incredible
sight you'll ever see.

It's amazing, and it's alive.

- Step right up, folks.

If I knew I'd make
this much money,

I'd have cannonballed
into you a long time ago.

Oh, I love the circus.

- It's the greatest dough
on Earth.

[both laughing]

[upbeat bluegrassy music]

♪ ♪

[insects chirping]

- [snoring, cooing]
[rooster crows]

[groaning]

[light music]

♪ ♪

Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Yee-haw!

Good morning, sunshine!

- Morning, Sandy.

♪ ♪

- [grunts, chuckles]
Whoa, little doggie!

After months
of careful calculations,

my bio-illogical experiment
is almost done.

- [screaming]

[groans]

- [screams]
- Sandy, help me.

- Hopping holes, SpongeBob.
What's wrong?

- You got to come quick.
My alarm clock is broken!

- Oh...

your alarm clock, huh?

Uh, are you sure we need
to take care of that just now?

- Yes.

[groans]

- Oh.

Oh, all right.

[alarm blaring]

[people screaming and shouting]

[blaring continues]

- I even pulled out the plug,
and I can't shut it off.

- I got to get my brain
working on this.

[grunts, warbling goofily]

[shouts, grunting]

[alarm ringing]
Hmm?

Hmm. Aha!

[ringing stops]
Eh.

[blaring continues]

I see the problem.
Thanks, brain.

[blaring continues]

Your spongy finger
is just too darn soft and cute

to press the switch.

- Huh? Aw.

- Don't worry, darling.
I'll fix it.

[blaring continues]

- [laughing] Thanks, Sandy.

All:
Thanks, Sandy!

- I'm just itching to get back
to my experiment.

[telephone ringing]
Huh?

Uh, hello?

- Sandy, help me!

- Flying Dutchman?

Whoa!

[grunts]

- Sandy!

- Aah!
Hmm?

- That's just a painting!
I'm down here!

- What happened to you, Dutchy?

- What's it look like?

A witch trapped me
inside a crystal ball!

Now get me out of here!

Sandy, I am in your hands.

- Let me try a little...

[both grunting]

Huh.

Or maybe some of this.
[chomping goofily]

Well, that didn't work.

Come on, brain!

- [clucking like a chicken]

- That's it!

I need to use good old
farm science on this one!

[clucking like a chicken]
- Hey, what are you doing?

Ow!

[timer clicking, bell dings]

[upbeat fiddle music]

Hey!
You hatched me good!

Wait a minute.
I'm still tiny.

What gives, Sandy?

- [clucking like a chicken] Huh?

- I'm sorry to interrupt,
Science Officer Cheeks,

but the Undersea Space Agency

needs your immediate assistance.

- Absolutely.

Sorry, Dutchy.
Duty calls.

[grunts]

Whoa!

[epic music]

- A giant meteor
is headed straight for Earth,

and as usual, Sandy, you're
the only one that can save us.

- Hmm. Hmm.

- [muttering to self]

Aha!
[bell dings]

- You can count on me, sir.

♪ ♪

Hyah!

Mm...

♪ ♪

Yahoo!

[seagull cries]

♪ ♪

Pardon me, Earth, you'll need
to scooch over a bit.

♪ ♪

Phew!

♪ ♪

[alarm blaring]
Wuh-oh!

That sidewinding stone
is a-coming back.

[grunts]

Bad meteor, bad!

- [crying]

- Thanks, Sandy!

♪ ♪

- Sweet mother-of-pearl!

I can finally be all alone
with my...

[gasps]

[dramatic music]

My experiment worked!

It's huge!
[knocking]

Wait right there.
Cavalry's coming.

[grunting]

[shell cracking]

- I am Pecan Sandy!

Huh.

Howdy, Pecan Sandy.

[grunting]

[moaning]
Hmm?

I'm Sandy Number One,

and I created you in my lab
to help me

with all the chores while
I'm out saving people all day.

You can start by taking out
the garbage.

[insects buzzing]

- Pecan Sandy hates taking out
the garbage.

[roars]

[shouts]
- I'm sorry, Pecan Sandy!

You don't have to take out
the garbage!

Uh, how about washing
the dishes?

- Hmm?

[grumbles]

[roars]

Pecan Sandy is not your maid!

[roaring]

- This experiment
is backfiring on me.

I got to think, got to think.

- [grunting]

[sobbing]

Oh!

My bushwhacked brain
is too fried to think.

All right,
time to use some brawn!

Ah!

- [grunting]

[both grunting]

- [grunting] Okay.

Looks like I'm gonna need
to pull the rip cord

and call my emergency contact.

[line trilling]

- [humming happily]

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

- Narlene, help me!

Narlene, are you there?

- [grunting]

[upbeat banjo music]

♪ ♪

Well, that's Sandy
in a nutshell.

[laughs]

- I'd like to laugh
about it, too, Narlene.

Can you get me out of here soon?

- Sooner than you think.

[grunting goofily]

[shell cracking]

- Than you kindly,
country buddy.

[Pecan Sandy roaring,
both shout]

- Don't tell me.

You created a Pecan Sandy
in your lab.

It's gone on a rampage, and you
need my help to stop it.

- Yep, that about covers it.

- Let me give it a think.

Hmm...

[slow banjo music]

♪ ♪

- [laughing, grunting]

Oh, ow! Oh, ow, ow!
[grunting]

I got it!

There's only one way to pummel
pesky pecan into pie...

With your feet!

- That's your answer
for everything, Narlene.

And I like it!

[bell dings]

- [roaring]

[light music]

♪ ♪

- Nice triple footsie, Narlene!

- Now, ain't you sweet?

I liked your toe-jam slam,
too, Sandy.

[both shout]
- [roars]

- My mama didn't raise
no quitters.

I'm getting to the bottom
of this pickle barrel.

- Watch it, Narlene.

- [grunting]

- [roaring]

- Tell me, Pecan Sandy,
why are you so angry?

- Pecan Sandy angry

because she created me
to take out her garbage!

- You did what, now?

Heck, I'd go on a rampage, too.

What possessed you?

It was a bad idea.
I admit it now.

Look, on paper...

Oh...

- Well, now that I know
the whole story,

my hill-folk wisdom tells me

there's only one way to crack
this nutty problem.

- [grunts forcefully]

- We got to let her loose
to live her own life.

- I want
whatever Pecan Sandy wants.

- I am Pecan Sandy!

And me do what me wants!

[grunting]

both:
Y'all come back anytime!

- All right,
we've earned a break.

[upbeat banjo music]

- Me finally happy!

[grunts]
[all screaming]

♪ ♪

all:
Sandy, help us!

[music playing
through headphones]

♪ ♪