13x25 - SquidBird/Allergy Attack!

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

Kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

All:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[frantic music]

♪ ♪

- [mutters]

Finally, I've captured
the fiery passion that is...

moi.

Huh?

- [coos]
- [groans]

How did a clam get in here?

[grumbles]

I'll show you
for defiling my art.

Yah!

[wails]

Look what you've done!

My bust is busted!

- [cooing]

Ah.
- Oh boy, a message!

"Hello, Patrick.
From Sporg-Bub."

Ooh, a mystery sender.

[all cooing]

Gotcha.

[playful music]

Safe travels.

[exclaims]

[blows landing]

- Get out! Get out!

- Oh! Oh boy!

Patrick responded.

- Ah.
- Aww.

It's a duck and a chicken
kissing, I think?

[doorbell rings]

Be right back, clammies.

[humming]

Oh, hello, Squidward.

Are you trying out
a new sunscreen?

- What? No!

It's those stupid clams.

Why are they flying
through my house?

- They're carrier clams.

Patrick and I are sending
each other messages.

- Well, your brainless bivalves
are going through my windows

and destroying my art!

Just promise me
you'll stop sending your clams

through my window.

- Ah.
- "Behind you"?

- We promise!
- Aah!

[grumbles furiously]

♪ ♪

[sighs] Peace and quiet.

[doorbell rings]
Huh?

Oh, that must be
the new marble slabs I ordered.

Hello.
[both cooing]

[groans] What?

More clams?

Oh, shoo, shoo!

[grunting]

[straining]

[both cooing]

Oh, that is it.

Time to take matters
into my own tentacles.

[clams chattering]
Huh?

- Hey, it's rude to laugh

at Squidward's hilarious shame.

[triangle dinging]

- Patrick,
I'm sending over lunch!

- Thank Neptune.
I'm starving!

- [snickers]

[low humming]

[all chattering]

[sawing, hammering]

Have fun at the Chowder Factory.

[laughs]

[sighs] You did it, Squidward.

You finally put a stop
to those stupid clams.

[rumbling]
Hmm?

- Uh...

oh boy, chowder!

Thanks for the grub, SpongeBob!

[grunts]

[can whirring]

Hmm?
[all growling]

- [groans weakly] Huh?

Did you have fun

at the Chowder Factory?

Aah! Ow!

Hot chowder!

[growls]

All right, Squidward.

If you can't beat 'em,
ignore 'em.

[soft classical music]

[laughs smugly]

[crashing]

[growls]

[alarm blares]

[light music]

Huh?

- Oh. Oh, hey, Squidw...
[groans]

Ow.

- Oh, great.

The idiot parade is in town.

- Oh, no.
We don't meet until May.

Or was it Septemuary?

Ow.

I'm just having my carrier clams

carry me to SpongeBob's house.

Ow.

It's easier this way.

- Allow me
to show you a shortcut.

[mumbling]
- [screams]

Aah!
Oh, hi, Squidward.

- [grunting]

- Thanks, buddy.

See you in Septemuary.

- Hey, what took ya so long?

- I ran into traffic.

And a house.

- Ow, ow, ow!
- Huh?

- Ow, ow! Aah!

[screaming]

- Those clams
sure do love Squidward.

- Well, I'm not so sure
he loves them.

Maybe we should train our clams
to avoid him.

- Oh, yeah!
Like everybody else does.

[big band music]

♪ ♪

[laughs]

Ha.

Aah!

- Hmm.
[clams chomping]

♪ ♪

[gasps]

[whistle blows]
- Mmm.

[groaning]
[clams chomping]

- Hmm.

[all coo]

- Huh? No!
[whimpers]

[whistle blows]

- [exclaims]

♪ ♪

[all cooing]

- [giggles]

♪ ♪

Uh.
[chomps]

[bell rings]
- Hmm.

[grunts]

[soft, curious music]

- Hmm? Huh?

[all cooing]
Oh, no.

Here they come!
Huh?

Phew.

What the... [groaning]

[screams]

[bright jazz music]

♪ ♪

[growling]

No.

Well, at least
I'm not naked this time.

[both growl]

Huh?

- And on your left,
you'll see a naked octopus

locked out of his house.

[all oohing]

- Aah!

I can't take it anymore.

I'll have to fight fire
with fire!

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

[whispers] Psst. Over here.

- Sign here
to accept the package.

And sign here to accept
possibility of injury,

maiming, or death.

Nice knowing you, pal.

- Finally, my secret weapon...

[laughs]

[grunts]

A great scallop.

- [roars]

- [laughs weakly]

Nice k*ller clam.

Are you hungry?

- [roars]

- Well, here's a whole buffet.

Sic 'em, boy!

[all chattering]

[all screaming]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

Ha ha!

Who's got the clam now?

I do!

♪ I got the greatest scallop ♪
- Wow, Squidward.

- Aww, they're so pretty. Look!

- Huh?

[all cooing]

[soft classical music]

♪ ♪

Hey! I bought you
to scare those dumb clams,

not dance with 'em!

[grunts]

- [growls, snarls]

[dramatic music]

- Incoming!

- Aah!

[screaming]
- Yoink.

- Boy, is that guy gonna be mad
when he gets home.

[both panting]

♪ ♪

[gasps]
- There's no escaping them.

We're doomed!

- Oh, cheer up, Squidward.

At least we have each other.

- That doesn't cheer me up.

Hey, I think the clams left.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- [squeaks]

[both coo]

♪ ♪

- The clams didn't leave.

- Uh, maybe we can just wait
'em out until they migrate?

[laughs]
- Yeah.

What's another six months?

[echoing] Six months,
six months, six months.

[rumbling]
- [stuttering]

What's happening?

[all yelling]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I think we're migrating.

- Patrick, commence operation
sh**ting Star.

- What, you mean, like,
jump out of the window?

- Uh-huh, yeah.
Jump out the window.

- Oh, okay.
[groans]

[both exclaim]

- [gasps]

- [groans]
- Jump, Squidward!

Jump!
- [moans uneasily]

Oh, no,
I'm getting farther away.

Wait a minute,
I'm getting farther away.

So long, boys!

I'm finally moving on up!

[laughs]

♪ ♪

Still better than living next
to SpongeBob.

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

[overlapping chatter]

- Come one, come all.

Don't miss my expert fry cook,
SpongeBob,

cookin' his one kazillionth
Krabby Patty.

Entry fee is only five clams.
[register dings]

[cheers and applause]

- Perch Perkins here,
live at the Krusty Krab,

bringing you the play-by-play
on this momentous day!

Whoa!

[celebratory music]

[cheers and applause]

The fry cook of the hour...

[boxing bell dings]
- [grunts]

- Mr. SquarePants,
how do you feel?

- Oh, I can't believe
it's really happening.

This is the biggest day
of my fry cook career!

- Let's meet the lucky customer
who gets

to eat the marvelous patty,

Bubble Bas... uh...

- I'm sure the patty
will be mediocre,

but I must be first
at everything.

- Give me that!
- Get a life, people.

It's just a patty.

- Mwah, isn't it amazing,
Squidward?

If I'm making
the kazillionth patty,

then you've written
a kazillion orders.

- Ugh, don't remind me.

- Mr. Squidward,
you're distractin' SpongeBob.

[crash]
- We now take you live

to the Krusty Krab's kitchen

for the main event.
- [groans]

[sighs]

Aah!

- Wow.
- Ooh.

- [grunting]

- SpongeBob prepares himself
for the task ahead.

He's chopping the veggies
like a master sculptor.

He's testing
the bun's elasticity.

- Hmm.

♪ ♪

- He's picking a patty
with the least amount

of freezer burn.

[all oohing]

Look at it sparkle.

- Boink.

- The patty is in play!

I repeat, the patty is in play!

What a fantastic display
of fry cook skills.

- Will you hurry it up already?

- Hmm.

Hmm? [grunts nervously]

Aah!

Whoa.
- Hold on.

SpongeBob seems distracted.
- Phew.

Uh. Ah-chooy!

[groans, sniffles]

[whines]

[sighs]

[grunts]

- Something's wrong, folks.

The fry cook has broken out

in some kind of rash.

- Must fini... f...

Finish.

Ah-chooy!
- Disgusting!

[all moaning]

- Hmm.
- Here you go, Bubble Bass.

My kazillionth Krabby Patty,

hot off the grill.

[sneezes]

[sniffles]

- [screams]

- Yuh!

I can't consume this!

Bleh!

- Oh, you poor Krabby Patty.

[gasps]

[sneezes]
[crowd gasps]

[crowd groans]
- This is so unsanitary.

- [sighs]

- That's it. I'm outta here.
- No, no.

[crowd grumbles]

- [thickly] Wait, don't go.

Whoa!
[groans]

- Sorry, boy-o.

I don't know what's goin' on
with you,

but you're ruinin' me business.

- Aah!

[wincing]

Uh, oh.

If I can't cook Krabby Patties,
then who am I?

Curse this blasted rash!

Huh? My rash?

It's gone!

[laughs]

Mr. Krabs?

[laughing]
- [stutters]

[sighs]

- Mr. Krabs, I'm cured.

[sneezes]

- Uh, you don't look cured
to me, son.

- I'm cure... [sneezes]

- Nope.

- I'm cure... [sneezes]

- Out!
Out, out, out, out!

- I'm gonna miss you,
Krabby Patty.

[sniffs]

What's...
[sneezes]

Happening to me?

- Isn't it obvious?

You're allergic
to Krabby Patties.

- This just in: SpongeBob's
allergic to Krabby Patties.

- [gasps] Allergic
to Krabby Patties?

Is there an allergist
in the house?

Both: I'm an allergist!

- Dibs!
- Aww.

- [grunts]

Say...
both: Ah.

- Choo!
[laughs]

Allergist humor.

[squeaks]

Hmm, the constant exposure

to Krabby Patties has caused

a hypersensitive
immunological reaction.

- Say what now?

- Krabby Patties make you itch.

But don't worry.

I can cure you!

[laughs evilly]

[dark music]

- Hold it!

SpongeBob just needs
to be isolated

from the allergen.

In this case, Krabby Patties.

And I know just how to do it.

- Aww.

- My old divin' suit's
a little bulky,

but it'll keep you safe
from any stray patty particles.

- Thank you, Sandy.

[horn blows]

[laughs]

[light music]

♪ ♪

Uh, here goes nothing.

[winces]

[mumbles]

Ah!

Isn't it wonderful, Squidward?

I can cook Krabby Patties again.

- Whoop-dee-diddly-doo.

- Whoops.

Whoa.

Okay, here we go.

A little bit of this,
a little bit of that.

Some of this.
Got it.

- [growls]
- Whew.

One Krabby Patty
with double pickle,

hold the kelp-sup.

[horn blows]

- [moans]
- Sorry.

Two patty singles with an order
of curly coral bits.

- [groaning]
- Whoops.

I'm gettin' the hang of it!
- Ow!

- Sorry.
- Mr. Krabs?

- Whoops. Sorry.
- I can't work like this.

- Sorry!
- Learn to duck, Mr. Squidward.

- Whoops! Sorry.
Whoops, sorry.

- Aah!
[watch beeps]

Quittin' time.
[gasps]

[laughs]

Finally!
- Aw.

Just when I was gettin'
this suit figured out.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa.

Uh-oh.

- What's goin' on in here,
SpongeBob?

- I can't take this suit off
and I can't go home.

What'll I do, Mr. Krabs?

- Sorry, SpongeBob.

You'll have to bunk
in the kitchen from now on.

- Hooray!
Work sleepover!

[sighs]
- Don't worry, SpongeBob.

I figured you might have
a little trouble

getting back to your homestead,

so I brung along some supplies.

- Huh? Yeah!

- And I couldn't forget
this little feller.

- Meow.

[murmuring]

- [whistling]

- [grumbles] Whoa!

[groans]

- Mmm.

[whines]

Oh.

Whaa!

[groans]

[all exclaiming]

- Oh, no, the customers
are allergic to patties too!

[whirring]

- Aah!
- Quick, get inside the suit!

- [grumbles]

- You'll be safe in here.
- Whoa!

Customers: Aah!

- Whoa! Aah!

[tense music]

[customers groaning]

- My rash is gone!
- Whoa.

- Totally cured.

- Aah!

Mr. Krabs!

- Yes?

Oh! Why?

- SpongeBob lost his marbles!

He sucked all the customers

into that crazy contraption!

- The patty allergy's
spreading, Mr. Krabs.

The customers are allergic too.

- Calm down, lad.

I'm sure you're just exaggerat...

Hmm?

Aah!
- Don't worry, Mr. Krabs.

I'll save you!

- [sighs] That's better.

- Aah!

- Squidward, get in the suit!

Don't let the allergy get you!

- Oh, no, I'm not living
in that tin can,

especially with you inside it.

[suit whirring]
[gasps]

[panting]

- Hurry, Squidward!

Before it's too late!

[both screaming]

Come back!

- Aah!

[panting]

[grunts]

customers: Huh?

- Just checkin' in to see how

y'all are doin'?

Whoo-doggy.

Looks like a cattle drive
came through here.

Y'all okay in there?

- Yeah.
- No, I am not!

This suit smells revolting!

Good thing I have
my new cologne,

Cephalopod Spice.

- Huh?

[customers coughing]

- Ugh, y'all weren't sneezin'
from patties.

You're allergic
to Squidward's cheap cologne!

- Hey, I'll have you know
that my eau de toilet

is tres pricey.

[customers coughing]
Huh?

- Uh-oh, the suit's
concentrated the allergen!

Y'all's rashes
are goin' critical!

Aah!

[horn blows]

all: Whoa!

[bright music]

- One Krabby Patty...
- [laughs]

- Allergy-free.

Mwah.

- [laughs]
- Wow.

- [giggling]

- Huh.

At least I still have
my cologne.

[sniffs]

[sneezes wildly]

Typical.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪