04x03 - Win an El Toro Guapo/Witch-ay Woman

[bunniefuu]

- 1, 2, 3, huh!

Baby.

Sassy.

Studly!

Ooh!

Check the pecs.

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Man, i'm pretty.

[cheering]

Do the monkey with me.

Come on!

Hey there, baby. Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

- Man, i'd sure like

to be driving that truckload

Of foxy baywatching chicks.

- You've been watching

"kung-fu baywatching chicks,"

Featuring the new el toro guapo

4-wheel-drive truck.

- Ooh, el toro guapo.

- Mmm, el toro guapo.

- Hey, handsome,

want to win an el toro guapo?

- Are you kidding or what?

- Then enter the win

an el toro guapo contest today.

- How do i win it?

How do i win it?

- Just keep at least one hand

On the el toro guapo

longer than anyone else,

And you win!

- I win!

- Yes! You win!

- Oh, that's easy.

- The contest starts

at noon today downtown

At the corner of 15th and elm.

- Bye, mama. I got to go

win me an el toro guapo.

- Ok. I'll color

the easter eggs without you.

- 15th. Elm. Yep, here i am.

Now

Where's the contest?

- Yeah, folks.

The win an el toro guapo contest

Is about to begin.

Just 20 seconds left

to get your hand

On the el toro guapo.

- Out of the way.

One side, contest losers.

- Yee-haw!

Let the contest begin!

- Hooray.

- Odd. This el toro guapo

is warmAnd hairy.

- Actually, i like

to think of myself

As warm and fuzzy.

It has a nice ring to it.

- Huh? Say, mister,

Is this the el toro guapo

contest?

- Well, it isn't "family feud."

- Of course

it's the el toro guapo contest.

- Yeah, but he'sNot

You're like a big buffalo

or something.

- I'm a bull.

- Tomato, potato, whatever.

I'm here for my el toro guapo.

- Well, you certainly know

what you want, don't you?

I like that in a contestant.

- Now remember.

You must keep at least one hand

on the bull at all times,

Or you will be

completely eliminated

From the competition.

- Hey, does his hand

count as one?

Because it's attached

to my arm,

Which is pretty huge.

Ha! And you might think

i was cheating,

But it'sIt's just that

Uh

I'm huge.

- People, people, let's get

this contest thing going.

You want to win

an el toro guapo?

- Yee-ha!

- Yeah. That's what

i'm talking about.

- Then let's lay down

the ground rules.

One--no toreadors.

- Aww.

- I also do floral arrangements.

- I said no!

Rule two--

no wearing the color red.

- Oh! I knew i should have

worn my lavender sweat suit.

- Rule 3--no sweaty palms.

You there in the back,

you've got sweaty palms.

I hate sweaty palms!

Rule 4--

everybody has to begin

By scratching my back.

So start scratching, people!

Oh, yeah. That's right.

RightThere.

Oh, perfect.

- Hey, are these

really the rules?

- Sorry.

I don't speak loser.

- Hooray!

- This contest

is getting kind of weird.

- Ok. Rule 5--

You all have to give me

a one-handed bath.

That means you, too, dexter.

- It's johnny. Ha!

Johnny bravo.

- Ok, johnny bravo,

if that's your real name,

Start scrubbing.

Ooh, that feels great.

- I can't even feel

my hand anymore.

- Ok. Rinse me off again

before i get all pruney.

That's better.

I feel so clean.

Hmm. Still quite

a few of you left.

Let's pick up the pace.

How about a rousing sing-along?

john jacob

jingleheimer schmidt

- Aah! No sing-alongs, man!

- Well, if you want

to beat 'em, join 'em.

the people always shout

there goes john jacob

jingleheimer schmidt

da da da da da da da

- this old man,

he played 523,234

he played knick-knack

on my

- Dinosaur.

- Hooray.

- Hey, johnny,

what shall we sing next?

- How about the shut up song?

- Hmm. I don't know that one.

Can you hum

a few bars to me?

Oh, i get it. It's a song

where i'm supposed to--

There's no singing,

And there's the shut up,

and it's all--

I got you, yeah,

But i don't like that song.

But i do like

take me out

to the ball game

take me out with the crowd

Everybody.

- buy me some peanuts

and cr*cker jacks

- i don't care

if i ever get back

[rooster crows]

- Good morning, everyone.

Sleep well?

- MustStayAwake.

- I don't know about you,

But i feel like

some early-morning exercise.

Hey, johnny.

- What?

You look like you work out.

What do you do

for your calves?

- I think i do

power squats or something.

- Power squats. Sign me up.

Ok, people, you might want

to hang on to something.

- Aah!

Hooray!

- Power squats.

Thanks, johnny.

- Not a problem.

- Let's see. 1, 2, 3, 4.

Hmm, there's still

too many contestants.

I need to get rid

of some more.

- Get rid of him next.

He's smelly.

[sniff sniff]

- Hmm. You're right.

He is nasty.

- Ooh.

- Yeah, and him next.

I don't like

the look in his eye.

- Ahh.

- Hey, no fair! It's like

you're working together!

- Hooray!

- Well, johnny, that's it.

There's nobody left but you

and the incredibly foxy babe.

- Incredibly foxy--what?!

Hey, gorgeous.

Where you been

this whole contest?

- Zip it, betty.

Johnny.

- Wilma. Hello, mr. Bull,

i'm morgan,

And i'd like

to get to know you well.

- Eww. That's too pushy.

I like johnny better.

He's sassy.

- Hey, i can do sassy.

- No, thank you.

- See, hot mama?

The buffalo likes me.

I'm gonna win

the el toro guapo,

So why don't you save us

all the waiting

And let go of him right now?

- Never. I come from

a long line of contest winners.

Take a look at these.

Spelling bee,

swimming champion, triathlon,

And that's

just from the third grade.

- Impressive.

- Who cares?

They're just medals.

I want to win

the el toro guapo.

- No, i want to win

the el toro guapo.

- I want to win

the el toro guapo.

- No, i want to win

the el toro guapo.

- Two folks fighting over me.

It's so nasty.

- I want to win

the el toro guapo.

- I want to win

the el toro guapo!

- I want to win

the el toro guapo!

- I want to win

the el toro guapo!

- I want a trip to europe.

- I want

to cut you a deal.

- I want an oompa loompa now,

daddy!

- Oops. Dropped my hanky.

Could you pick it up for me?

Thanks, johnny.

You're a gent.

Oops. Dropped my anvil.

- Huuaah!

- Thanks.

Oops. Dropped my porcupine.

- Pick it up yourself,

metal girl.

- Hooray.

- Oh, johnny.

- Oh, lady who's gonna lose

the contest to me.

- You know,

now that i look at you,

I have to say i really

admire your style.

- Wow. That makes two of us.

- So, now that we're all alone,

Why don't we, uh,

really get to know one another?

- This is interesting.

- Hmm. Now you're playing

my song, baby.

- Great.

I'll go and fix myself up.

How about a little dinner?

- oh, look at the sky

it's a beautiful pizza pie

and they call it

belle amore

- Oh, johnny,

the night is beautiful, no?

- Mm-hmm.

Man, i'm starving.

- Hold my hand, johnny.

Look deep

Into my eyes.

Oh, and pass the parmesan.

- oh, look at the night

it's a--

johnny, stop!

- Whoa! That was close.

- Johnny, can't you see

i'm crazy about you?

Take your hand

off the bull, johnny.

- Look.

I--i mean, johnny.

This is a dangerous time

for you,

When you will be tempted

by the dark side.

- Don't give in

to her seduction.

Remember your destiny--

to win an el toro guapo.

- Win an el toro guapo.

[rock music playing]

No dice, sugar bun.

The buffalo's right.

Johnny ain't letting go.

- Fine. We both still

have our hands on the bull,

And i'll never let go.

Do you hear me? Never!

- Morgan!

- Dean?

- What are you doing

touching another bull?

- Me? I--i--

- Ha ha! Got ya!

- Oh!

- Hooray!

- Johnny bravo wins

the el toro guapo!

- IWin

The el toro guapo!

- Ta-da!

- Hold on.

You're the prize?

- I like to think so.

[chuckling]

- But the tv said the prize

was an el toro guapo truck!

- Oh, you mean

the el toro guapo truck contest

Over there!

- We have a winner!

- Hi, johnny!

[engine starts]

Aah!

- So, what are we gonna do now?

- Hmm. You know,

Fresh-cut grass

isn't half bad.

- Trust me, johnny.

I wouldn't steer you wrong.

[laughter]

- Steer! Ha ha ha!

- Oh, that's funny!

- Hooray!

- if you're gorgeous

and you know it, say, "i am"

I am.

if you're gorgeous

and you know it, say, "i am"

I am.

if you're gorgeous

and you know it

and your face

that surely shows it

if you're gorgeous

and you know it, say, "i am"

I am. Ha!

if you're gorgeous

and you know it, say, "i am"

I am.

if you're gorgeous

and you know it

say, "i am"

I am!

if you're gorgeous

and you know it

and your face

that surely shows it

if you're gorgeous

and you know it, say, "i am"

i am

if you're gorgeous

and you know it

and your--

wha--?

Hey, little lady.

I couldn't help but notice

your private eyes

Watching me,

watching me, watching me.

- Do you mind

upping your shut?

I'm very busy.

- Busy?

Doing what?

- "madame voeela"

- Voila!

- Gesundheit.

HypeNo

- Hypnotist and palm reader!

All right? Happy?

Can you go now?

- Palm reader?

Do you also read biceps,

triceps, delts, lats?

- Enough. Bored now.

Johnny, i sense

that you are into thinking

That you are a man about town,

A shoe-in with the ladies,

Whose sole purpose

is to bother woman.

- Could you say that again?

Because all i heard

was "blah, blah, blah, woman."

- Now pay attention!

You will no longer be big,

annoying, womanizing oaf.

Instead, you will be

transformed into woman,

And as woman, you will learn

what it is to be woman

And how it is to endure

the many countless,

annoying, boorish men

Who, like you, think

they are god's gift to woman.

But until you learn

the important lesson

Of what it is

to really be woman,

Woman you will continue to be.

Voila!

[beeping]

- Hey there, pretty mama.

Aah!

[bravo thinking]

well, that was new.

Now, what's a frumpy

yet oddly attractive chick

Doing in my mirror,

And why is she playing

simon says with me?

Hey, maybe

it's the new dating thing.

Simon says rub your tummy.

Simon says jump up and down.

Simon says

do the monkey with me.

Come on!

Feisty.

But not much of a talker.

Probably playing

hard to get.

Well, johnny can play that game.

[whistling]

- Ha! Got ya!

Where'd you go?

- I hear you.

- Come on out!

- What?

- You.

- Who?

- Me.

- Me who?

- Me you.

Oh, man, i'm a chick.

What's up with that?

- Wait a second.

- You will be transformed

into woman.

Until you learn

the important lesson

Of what it is

to really be woman,

Woman you will continue to be.

- Oh, man!

Well, at least i sound right

in my head, but what about--

- Hee! Ha! Huh!

Oh, yeah. I still got it.

- But now what?

Oh, yeah. I guess

i'm supposed to learn a lesson.

- I know.

Chicks are for looking hot.

- Lesson learned.

now bring back my body to me

Maybe that's not the lesson.

Come on, girl.

Let's get pretty

So i can get my brother back.

- Hello?

- Wow. I don't think

i've ever noticed

All the pretty

floral patterns in mama's room.

- Such attention to detail.

My room should really

get a makeover.

- Speaking of makeovers

I was so much prettier

as a man.

- Aah!

- Johnny!

How's my baby doing?

- Just fine! Just--

[lower voice]

um, just fine, mama.

Just need to, uh,

borrow your tweezers.

- Whatever you need, dear.

Kids.

- Ow! Stinging!

- Ow! Stinging!

- Ow!

- Ow!

- Ow!

- Ow!

- Oh, man!

- Oh, man!

- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

- Pretty, but plain.

Time for makeup.

That's not it.

- Aah!

Next, turning my hairdon't

into a hairdo.

- Johnny's specialty.

Hey, little lady,

how about you and me

Go share a combo platter?

- Oh, wait. It's still me.

- Now for the clothes.

No, no, no, no, no.

I guess this'll work.

Will you look

at all these pretty butterflies?

[gasp]

And the flowers!

And, oh, look at those

happy children playing.

Life sure is different

through chick-colored glasses.

- That's right.

Get a load of johnny.

Uh, i mean jenny.

Ha! Jenny brava.

- [giggling]

- [laughter]

[whistling]

- What's with the nastiness?

You'd think that these guys

would be fighting

To check out my lovely factor.

- [whistling]

- [panting]

- What have they got

that i don't got?

There seems to be

a little less swagger

in the step.

Now i'm getting it.

- [chuckling]

- Oh, man!

I'm, like, the ugly chick now.

What's a girl to do?

- [gasp]

Oh, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no.

Those pants, that shirt,

those shoes.

Honey, you're tore up

from the floor up.

- Hey, buddy,

what's the big idea?

- Don't you see that under

those disgusting rags

Is a lioness waiting

to unleash her inner

[growling]

- Uh-huh.

- Now let's get

your flower blooming.

Yawn.

Now go and be beautiful.

- Seems if you're gorgeous,

You can get anything

you want.

- That's it.

Maybe that's the lesson.

If you're gorgeous,

you can get anything you want!

["want" echoing]

[cricket chirping]

- Sock it to me,

powers that be. Ha!

OrMaybe not.

I love this.

This unicorn is so cute,

And my shoes, though tight,

are to die for.

Looks like a pump,

feels like a sneaker.

[whistling]

- I must be a snowflake

because i've fallen for you.

- Oh, yeah.

It's hard being me.

- Am i in heaven?

Because i am seeing an angel.

- An angel on earth, baby.

- Man, you're hot.

- Eww. He should try that

brushing-the-tongue thing.

- [speaking foreign language]

- What?

- Bonjour, ma petite azure.

- Where are all

these guys coming from?

- [speaking foreign language]

- Now this is crazy.

- Your name must be destiny

Because destiny

is in my future.

- That's enough!

My name's not destiny!

Hyah!

It's jenny!

Grr!

- Stop!

- Stop!

Is this what being a woman

is about?

Do these jerks think

just because we're totally hot,

It's open season to be

completely annoying?

What does it all mean?

- you think

that men are pigs

i say we all know

that's a fact

so listen to me,

sister friend

'cause i now have your back

they think

they've got it going on

that they're a work of art

don't pay them any minding

they know

that girls are smart

- Now that's what

i'm talking about.

- Oh, yeah.

Girls are smart.

- you think that you

are something fresh

i know that you was cool

and with your

grooving ups and moves

you know that you can rule

girl, you got to think

and put your mind

before your heart

'cause the real

important lesson is

- hey, hey, hey

- that girls are smart

yeah, yeah, yeah

the packs of guys

are wanting

- What do they want?

- to check out

this new girl

but now they're

really bugging you

your head is in a whirl

but don't you

go a-fretting

or let it get you in a bind

'cause the last thing

that they're checking out

is jenny's brilliant mind

it's time

for you to use a little

of your common sense

use martial arts

or pepper spray

it's all in self-defense

you know

you've got the strength

in your body,

mind, and heart

and with that strength,

you'll also learn

- Girls are smart.

Break it down. Ooh!

- Girls are smart!

- That's right, jenny.

You're all that.

Jenny! Jenny!

- [chanting "jenny"]

- Come on.

Work with me. Work with me.

Come on, y'all. Come on.

- Oh! I get it.

I think i just learned a lesson.

- Girls are smart.

- Girls are smart.

- Jenny! Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!

- Ahem.

That's johnny, little ladies.

Johnny bravo.

Oh, i see there's

a whole lot of women out there,

So if you're looking to feast

on 100% u.S.D.A. Prime hunk,

There's more

than enough johnny to go around.

Ooh!

Holy nightmare on elm street.

That was a freaky friday

of a dream.

Everything ok, johnny?

- As beautiful as a rainbow.

Hey, we got any

corn flakes, mama?

I'm feeling a little hippy.