02x21 - Loch Ness Johnny/Den Mother Johnny/Quo Doofus

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, three, huh!

Baby!
Sassy!

Man, i'm pretty!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Yeah, whatever.

[bagpipe music]

Oh, scotland.

The birthplace

of clan bravo.

The smell of the heather

as it wafts over

the hebrides

Runs deep

in the bravo blood.

But, mama, i thought

you said we were polish.

Oh, that was just to get

us into blintz night

at the vfw hall.

Now, i'm going to look up

your great-aunt fiona.

You go mingle and enjoy

the local color, my boy!

All right, mama!

Haggis, get your haggis!

Get it while it's oily

and filled with lumps.

I'll take some haggis.

Are ye daft, man.

You got to

let it breathe.

Here, try the sample

before i kick

your teeth in.

Well?

Uum, um,

um, um, uum.

What a delightful

concoction of--

Say, what's this stuff

made of anyway?

"what's it made of,"

he asks?

What's in a haggis?

If you were to go inside

some haggis, what would

you find there?

Look, forget

i asked.

Just give me

a pound.

Done.

Thanks.

Now to go and eat it

by the pretty lake.

By the lake?

Ah, come on.

Do you mean to say

that you are going

to have a picnic

By the dreaded shores

of the loch ness itself?

Anything wrong

with that?

No, nothing.

If you survive

Heh, heh, heh, heh.

It's a tasty treat.

And i hope it

doesn't gag us.

Look out stomach,

here comes the haggis!

Now, how the heck

do you eat it?

I guess i'll start by

gnawing on the sack.

Ooh!

[growls]

Noo!

Hey,

that's my lunch,

You long-necked,

picnic-crashing

freak of nature!

Ooh!

Ow!

Oh, you are in for it now,

you overgrown sea monkey!

No one steals

johnny's haggis!

Today, this

experimental sub

will uncover the truth

Behind the

loch ness monster.

Excuse me,

national emergency,

coming through.

Heh, heh, heh.

Submerging.

My haggis.

[roars]

[screams]

Forget it, ugly.

Johnny's got you outclassed

in brain power. Ow.

Tell you what,

find the haggis,

and you can keep it.

Find the pretty lady,

Find the pretty lady.

Fine, you want to

try for 2 out of 3?

Winner--the pretty lady.

Show me the pretty lady.

No-one walks away a loser.

Hey, ha!

How about 17 out of 192?

[growls]

Don't worry,

my delicious friend.

Johnny will save you.

[screams]

Prehistoric reptiles

are suckers for haunting

renditions of danny boy.

[growls]

[roars]

Gangway,

crazy dinosaur coming--

Do your worst,

beastie.

We'll fight 'till

our dying breath--

[alarm goes off]

Whoopsies, time to

reapply our makeup.

You'll never get

my haggis!

Of course,

it's a good size.

It could easily

feed two.

[growl]

You got to help me!

She wants my haggis.

Hey, i don't blame you

for giving battle.

The stomach, liver,

and lungs of a sheep

Mixed with suet and

seasonings is well worth

fighting for.

P.U.! You mean to tell me

i was about to eat

A disgusting sack

of animal parts?

Oh, stop. You're making

my mouth water.

Yo, nessie.

Knock yourself out!

[burps]

I think

she likes you, lad.

No, really.

That's ok.

You can go back

to the lake now,

i'm serious.

Goodbye, fiona.

And thanks for

the plaids of borgos.

Dong. Oh, oh, oh my.

Oh, oh dear.

Oh, johnny!

Uh, mama,

You know how you always said

i could have a cat

Ah!

Nothing displays the beauty

and majesty of nature

like a simple flower.

Um!

Photosynthesisy

Here, mama.

Happy birthday!

Johnny,

my birthday was

three months ago.

Ah, well then, happy

take-your-chimp-to-work day.

That doesn't

exist, dear.

Well, today must be

some sort of special day.

Um, let's see

Well, it is four years

ago today that i had

my neck flap reduction.

Happy neck-flap-reduction day,

mama.

Thank you, darling.

You're so sweet.

Oh, merciful heavens.

[gasping for air]

Mama, what's happening?

You're pumping up

and turning purple.

So, what time's dinner?

I'm sorry, mama.

I didn't know you were

allergic to schmutzweed.

Johnny, while i'm in bed

you're the man of the house.

Wiggy.

Can i play with

the power tools?

No.

[gasps]

we're buttercups girls

so sweet and true

and always wear a smile

we're good deed doers

the whole day through

we're free of hate and bile

Oh, good grief.

I forgot.

Today's my turn to be

den mother to suzy's

buttercup troop.

Don't worry, mama.

We can just hide

in the crawlspace

till they go away.

No, johnny.

Today's youth

needs our guidance.

I'm afraid you're

going to have to take

my place as den mother.

Never.

Then you can spend

the day turning me

to prevent bed sores.

All right. Look,

mama's sick today,

So i'm in charge

of you delinquents.

Now, drop and give me forty.

Go, go, go!

Johnny,if you're gonna be

a den mother, you have to

wear the uniform.

That ain't gonna happen.

Mrs. Bravo, johnny won't

wear the uniform.

Put it on, johnny!

Oh, mama!

Ok, i know you are

all laughing of

my pretty bonnet,

So let's get this over with.

I brought these

lumps of coal for you

to squeeze into diamonds.

Now, get busy!

And i don't

want to hear any:

"ouch, the sharp edges

make my hands hurt."

Johnny, this isn't what

we do at these meetings.

It's not?

Then what the heck

do you do?

Well, sometimes we raise

money for charity.

All right,then go

and have one of them

yard sale thingies.

But, johnny.

What are going to sell?

[snoring]

[trumpet playing]

Ooh!

Noo!

Oh, umph, no.

Get your hands off

of me,

You darn, dirty ape!

Agh, uh.

Johnny.

Johnny, wake up.

Unhand me, i say.

Aah! Law-giver!

Ow.

Look, johnny.

We raised over $16

At the yard sale

you suggested.

Cool.

Gimme me that.

Charity begins with johnny.

That's fair.

After all,

Your squint ringo

memorabilia was

our hottest seller.

Oh well, glad

i could help out.

Noo!

[ding-dong]

Look, kid.

I believe that's

my squint ringo doll

with kung fu action?

No-ah. It's mine.

I paid 3 bucks

for it.

Look, son.

Don't make me assert

my authority as an adult.

Now, hand it over.

Ow. I'm going to assume

you did that by accident.

Ok, now i'm

getting angry.

Did you get your

stuff back, johnny?

I don't want to

talk about it.

Isn't it time for

you girls to go home?

No, johnny.

Mrs. Bravo always

takes us on a fun

outdoorsy field trip.

Oh yeah?

Why don't you go

take a long walk off a--

Johnny!

Yes, mama.

Ok, here we are.

You kids go play.

But, johnny, this is

a construction site

No.

Think of it as a really

fun amusement park.

Ha, ha.

Now, go play on

the bumper cranes

Or on those really

fun wrecking ba*ls.

But johnny

[snores]

oh, yeah.

And the nobel price

in physics goes to:

Doctor johnny bravo.

Thank you very much.

Hoo, ha!

You know they laughed

when i said a single spud

Could cover an entire nation--

Oh, no.

It's going critical.

Man on p.A.: Please clear

the blast area.

Building destruction

commences in 15 seconds.

Blast area?

Oh, no.

Where are the girls?

They must be playing

inside that building.

Hang on, girls.

Johnny will save you!

Suzy, would you like

to push the plunger?

Thank you, mr. Foreman.

[kaboom]

Thanks, alexis.

Why don't you tell

our contestants

what they won?

Ow.

Aah!

Oh, hi, mrs. Bravo.

Girls, girls.

How was your day?

Did you make lots

of pretty arts

and crafts projects?

Uh-huh.

Johnny!

I don't what hurts more,

My pride or

my fractured tibia.

Here's your

i.D. Bracelet.

Here's a compass

in case you get lost.

Mama!

I'm just going next door

to borrow a cup of sugar.

Mrs. Crowman?

Open up!

It's me

Johnny.

Ah, doctor debbie,

kung fu medicine woman.

Fish incarnate,

Hands of healing,

Great scuff,

My pizza sense's

tingling.

Spinky, no wait!

Argh.

Ow, no, ow, ow.

Ribs cracking.

Flesh lacerating.

Kids, don't try

this at home.

Uuh!

Oh, mama!

Ow.

Hi, johnny!

Want some gauze to stop

the hemorrhaging?

Leave me alone,

geek boy.

I'm suffering from

pizza deprivation.

Ok.

Hey, look what

i just bought.

An actual prop from

the trip mccoy

galaxy boy show.

It's the time portal

from episode 236:

"the day the earth

hiccuped."

Oh, get a life, weed.

Go ahead,

go through it,

it's not real.

Oops.

Hey, quit pushing me

around, you dweeb.

The name's not dweeb.

I am spartacus.

I am spartacus.

Everybody: I am spartacus.

Shut up!

I am spartacus.

Young person: I'm spartacus.

HmmThere's something weird

going on around here.

Holy!

Carl's time machine

must have really worked.

I'm in colonial america!

[fanfare]

Make way for caesar's

triumphant entry into rome.

I can't wait to meet

ben franklin and see

his cotton gin.

Hi, ha, h*!

Ooh!

Ow.

Uh-oh.

Rome.

Birthplace of

republican government,

And really gooey pizza.

Oomph!

Hey look, they got

a spinky's here.

Sweet.

Caesar, thou doth seek

to dissolve the republic,

and proclaim myself emperor.

What's up

with that?

Does brutus

dare question

the imperial throne?

Prepare to meet

the tyrant's fate.

Hey, waiter.

Give me a large pepperoni,

No anchovy.

Oh.

An ancient

roman eggbeater.

Hu, h*, ha!

Ah.

He did it.

You have been sent

by the gods to save

caesar's life.

Yeah, whatever.

Listen, can i get that

large pepperoni to go?

[laughing]

You amuse caesar,

young hero.

You shall be

the guest of honor

At my coronation

banquet tonight.

Casual dress,

bring a pal.

Beach party,

roman style.

Hu!

Wiggy.

[people chatting]

More sun-dried dove beaks,

scion of jupiter?

Yeah, that

sounds great.

Could you put it

on a pile of some

tomato and cheese

And hold

the stinking dove beaks!

What troubles

you, young hero?

Well, caesar.

It's like this, ok.

Oh, look.

The plate-spinners

of fridgia.

I love these guys.

All right,

Carnival games.

I'm great at these.

He, ha, h*.

[fanfare]

Announcing the

empress calpurnia.

Caesar.

Don't mind if i do.

Hey, togalicious

On a scale

of one to ten,

you're an x.

Oh!

Sir, that's

the empress,

My wife.

What?

I didn't touch her.

In fact she's kind of ugly,

not my type at all.

Guards, seize him!

Seize him, seize her,

why don't you just

make up your mind?

Take him

to the arena.

What, more entertainment?

Hey, you romans really

know how to party.

[cheers]

Oomph!

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

You know i always thought

you ancient romans were

A bunch of fig-eating,

grape juice-swilling yahoos.

But now that you are about

to proclaim me a god,

I realize you're

not really fig-eating.

[growls]

Ooh!

[panting]

[gasping]

Good, kitty. Nice kitty.

LookString.

[growls]

Ow! Ow.

Oh, what's the

matter, little puss?

Did you step on

a nasty old thorn?

Here, let me

help you.

Awww!

How sweet

Finish him!

[growls]

See that!

He's my friend now,

And we refuse to fight

for your amusement.

Ok now, that was

partly your fault.

[kaboom]

Mount vesuvius

is exploding.

What are the odds?

[screaming]

Ah, you big sissies.

What are you afraid of?

A little hot lava?

Lava?

[screams]

Johnny,

what happened?

You were only gone

for a second.

Oh, i run into

a bunch of geeks

in bathrobes,

And the worst part is

i never got my pizza.

Pizza!

Johnny!

Noo

Oh, i hate lunch time.

Look out.

He-huh!

A babe!

Mercy!

Whatever.