02x05 - Endless Bummer/Jailbird Johnny/Bravo 13

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hyah!

Baby!

Sassy!

Man, i'm pretty.

Hyah! Ha! Huh!

Do the monkey with me! Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Oh! Uh!

Yeah, whatever.

Man: [british accent]

the ocean, mother of all life.

A fragile paradigm

of grace and moistness.

Even the tiniest sea grass

plays a part

In her delicate

and eternal ballet.

[vrooooom]

Cowabunga!

Hyah!

Aah!

Johnny's in the house.

Ah, el beacho

del babeburritos.

I think i'll impress them

with my patented beach strut.

[sizzle]

Aah! Uhh!

Ooh, hot, hot!

Ooh, it's hot! Aah! Uhh!

Ha. Sandy.

Aah! Ooh! Eee!

Hyah!

Ooh!

Hyah!

Ahh.

It's good to get

out of the house.

Oh, yeah.

Chicks love crisp,

toasty skin.

Ha! 3 johnnys.

Can't see!

Must talk like this!

[grrr]

[grrr]

[grrr]

Uh, good dog.

Time to demonstrate

my aquatic agility.

Hey, ladies,

i'm dolphin-safe.

My love is

a tidal wave

And you're

beachfront property.

Whoa!

Uh!

She digs me.

Excuse me,

beachy mama,

I couldn't help

noticing your lack

of uv protection.

How about i apply

A little

oil o' johnny?

[australian accent]

thanks, mate. Awfully

sporting of you.

Oh, i-i-i thought

you were--

I mean, i didn't

know you were a

Mmm. Beach sports.

Allow me.

Hyah! Ha!

All over! All gone!

Yeah, look out!

Hyah! Ha!

Be the ball.

Can you believe it?

I'm single.

[giggling]

Hey, no fair!

That sand jockey's

cutting in on

my action.

Hyah! Hey, fella,

They're casting

an episode of

thong patrol

Down the beach.

You mean over there?

Better hurry,

your tan is fading.

Good thing i brought

my headshots.

Love court is in session.

Lifeguard johnny presiding.

Hyah! Ha!

Huh! Hyah! Ha!

They've gone

to spread the word.

Shouldn't be long now.

I don't get it.

What am i doing wrong?

Help! Drowning here!

Do fetch a bit

of help, what?

Help me, i say!

Maybe i need

a full body wax.

Aah!

It's a monster!

[screaming]

[heavy breathing]

That monstrous foot!

That horrible, foul odor!

Carl, what are

you doing?

I'm camouflaging myself

as plankton while

i look for specimens.

Want to help?

Leave me alone,

you water wienie.

I'm trying to

impress the honeys

By being

a lifeguard.

Really? Did you

save anyone yet?

Why would i want

to do that?

Johnny, you have

to demonstrate

Your lifesaving abilities

to attract the ladies.

Help! Save me!

Where am i going

to find someone to save?

Tally round

the plimsoll, what?

There's someone now!

Hyah!

Aaah!

Settle down, lady.

This ain't about you.

Aah! Uhh!

Uh, this yours?

[psssshhh]

[smash]

I saved your life!

Tell your friends!

Clam on a stick!

Get them while

they're clams!

Uhh!

Hiya, johnny!

Clam on a stick?

Thanks, pops.

What's wrong? You seem

a little down.

Aw, i got to find

someone to rescue,

And i ain't

having much luck.

I say!

I'm going down

for the third time,

don't you know?

Heh heh heh.

People just don't

drown every day,

johnny.

Sometimes you've got

to help them along

a little.

Whoops, i've said

too much!

Wait a minute, pops.

You just gave me an idea.

[chomp]

Johnny, you shouldn't

go in the water until

an hour after--

Ahh, he'll be fine.

Get your clam

on a stick!

Carl, i need you

to fake a drowning.

What?

Aaaaaah!

Whew!

Don't worry, citizen!

I'll save you!

Ooh, cramp!

Oh, no!

Johnny's in trouble!

I'll save you, johnny!

[glub glub]

[deep breath]

Hang in there,

johnny old chum.

Stand back, everyone.

I'm going to give him

the kiss of life!

[deep breath]

[inflates]

[deep breath]

[inflates]

Live, you brave,

waterlogged soul!

Live!

[deep breath]

Aaaaaahhh!

He's a hero!

[giggling]

[gagging]

Oh, safe at last!

A rather daring escape

from davy jones,

i should think.

Oof!

I say! I'm in

the drink again!

Tally round the--

[glub glub]

[gargle]

Hyah! Ha!

Ha! Huh!

[slurp]

Candy--the most important

meal of the day.

Mmm, chocodent, yeah.

The candybar that brushes

your teeth while you eat it.

Freeze, mister!

What's the problem,

officer?

What do you

call that?

That's a sidewalk.

Didn't they

teach you that

at the academy?

Oh, funny guy, huh?

Well, you just

got yourself a $10

ticket for littering.

$10?

I don't have that

kind of money.

All i got is

this bottlecap,

27 cents,

And some dryer lint.

Hey! You trying

to bribe me, fella?

No. I'm just trying

to give you stuff

so you'll let me go.

That's it!

Let's you and me

take a visit downtown!

All rise for

the courtroom scene.

The honorable judge trudy

presiding in the people

versus johnny bravo.

Mmm, justice is served!

Hyah! Hey, judge gorgeous.

May i please the court?

Mr. Bravo, you're

accused of littering.

Do you have a lawyer?

No, your honor,

i'll be defending myself.

Hyah! Ha! Huh!

Are you familiar

with the saying

That any man who

defends himself has

a fool for a client?

Then i'm hired.

All right, mr. Bravo.

How do you plead?

Like this.

Please, oh, please!

I could hold you

in contempt.

I don't care

how you hold me,

just hold me.

Mr. Bravo, do you

have anything to say

in your defense?

I sweat a lot,

But my breath

is minty fresh.

Mr. Bravo, normally i

dismiss cases like yours,

But in this instance,

i'm going to sentence you

To 86 consecutive

life sentences.

All right!

Wait, is that bad?

Take this knuckle-

walking neanderthal

out of here!

Uh, can i get that lawyer now?

Oh, my poor baby!

He's going to rot away

for the rest of

his unnatural life!

Don't worry,

mrs. Bravo.

I'll find a way

to free johnny.

Oh, honey, you are

the sweetest thing.

No problem.

I can get extra

credit for it

at school.

Forehead fontana.

Needlenose newman.

Shorty longfellow.

Joanie bravo.

Uh, that's johnny.

Stow it, girlfriend.

State paperwork never lies.

[women chattering]

For a prison, this place

smells kind of powdery.

Hi, new girl!

Let's have lunch!

I like your hair, ok?

Here's your new home,

bravo.

Good. You're just in time

for pedicures.

Hi. I'm tiffany,

grand theft auto.

Phoebe, racketeering

and mail fraud.

Love your nails.

Hold the phone.

This is a ladies' prison.

The system does work!

I don't think i've found

any clues yet.

How are you doing,

mrs. Bravo?

Would you look at this?

An almost untouched jar

of pickled herring.

Hmm. I guess we're not

having much luck.

You know, dear,

On all the tv shows

they reenact the crimes.

Hey, that's a great

idea, mrs. Bravo!

Hyah! Huh! Ha!

Do the monkey!

You can play

the policeman,

mrs. Bravo.

Ha! Huh! Hyah!

You loathsome

piece of filth!

Slime like you

makes me crazy!

Crazy!

Ok, that's enough

reenacting for today.

Sorry, dear.

I was in the moment.

What we need is

an eyewitness.

Hmm

20 minutes

recreation, bravo.

Ooh!

Ha! Hyah!

Hi, joanie.

Hey, joanie.

Phoebe's going to

give me a french braid.

Do you want one?

No, thanks.

That's a chick thing.

Ha ha ha!

You talk just

like a guy.

Oh, a guy.

If i had

a guy here,

I'd carve him

a heart out of

a cake of soap.

If i had a guy here,

I don't care how big

or stupid he was.

I would hold his hand

as we watched the sun set

over the guard tower.

Yeah. If i had a guy here--

Hey, wait a sec--

i am a guy!

No way.

Get out of here!

You are not.

Uh-uh.

If you're a guy,

prove it.

Yeah, prove it.

You girls familiar

with the blue line

rules in hockey?

If an opposing player--

Hey, girls!

Joanie's

a guy!

All right, you got it.

Thursday at 8:00.

And i won't be

late, baby.

Ok, next tuesday

at 5:00, all right.

[squealing]

Hey, hey--calm down, girls.

There's enough johnny

for everyone. Hyah!

Bravo!

Warden wants

to see you.

Be there in a sec.

Come in, joanie.

Mama!

And what's-her-name.

Joanie, these

women claim

to have evidence

Exonerating you

from your crimes.

I don't know what

"exonerate" means,

But i like it here.

Sit down, johnny.

Lights, please.

The footage you're looking at

was taken from a security camera

At an automated teller machine

near where johnny was arrested.

Here's johnny on the corner

at 12:01 p.M.

Johnny: Ha! Look at

that handsome fella.

He unwraps the candybar

Johnny!

Hey, i'm hungry.

Watch carefully.

Here we see johnny clearly

throwing the wrapper

into the garbage.

Let's see that once more.

Hey, i did it again!

Mama: Quiet, dear.

This proves

conclusively that--

But wait,

there's more!

Slowing the tape

reveals the presence

Of a second candy eater

on the grassy knoll.

At 12:02, he makes his move.

His wrapper

bounces off the can

And lands at

the officer's feet.

Thereby proving a massive

conspiracy reaching to the

very highest levels of power!

Actually, it just proves

that some other guy

threw the wrapper.

Sorry, dear, i was

in the moment again.

Well, that's pretty

cut-and-dried.

You're free to go,

joanie.

But--but wait!

I'm guilty!

I bribed a cop!

I hit on judge trudy!

Oh, please,

let it drop.

I have a manicure

in 10 minutes.

Thank you, suzy,

for helping me

get my boy free.

My pleasure, mrs. Bravo.

We make a good team.

Let me back in!

I'm guilty!

I'm guilty, i tells you!

[growl]

Huh?

Oh, mama!

Hyah!

Hey, there,

my little etruscan

honeybun.

Your burly gladiator

is here.

Hyah!

Aah!

I came, i saw,

i broke a hip.

Uhh.

Carl: Oh, cool!

Look at all the

metamorphic rock strata!

Johnny:

Who cares?

I can't believe

we're going

To hurl world

amusement park!

You can stop

talking now.

I think we're lost.

We ain't lost.

Let's take this

blue road.

That's a river.

It'll be scenic.

Carl!

Let me drive!

No.

It's my mother's car!

You don't know

how to drive.

Will you teach me?

No!

Then teach me

to line dance.

Quiet!

I already know

how to boot-scoot.

Here, hold the map.

la la la la la la

Hey, look--

hurl world,

The most fun you

can have getting sick.

I don't know, johnny.

If this is hurl world,

where are all

the tourists?

Aw, quit your

yammering.

Can i help

you boys?

Yes, sir.

Hyah! I am here

to test the limits

Of both man and machine--

To push the envelope

even if it kills me.

[whimpers]

You astronauts are

the bravest men on earth.

Johnny, i don't think

this is an amusement park.

I think this is

the national aeronautics

and space admi--

Wow!

A high-density cold fusion

hogieatronic generator!

It's beautiful!

Ha! Stupid kiddie ride.

There she is--

the regurgitator 9000.

No man ever rode her

without hurling.

Until today.

Hmm. I must be

the first in line.

Hold on, astroboy.

I was here first.

See this suit?

It means i'm firing up

this candle.

Try the bumper cars,

You dirty

line-cutter.

Must be one of them

anti-hurl suits.

Hey, kid.

Name's johnny.

Hyah! Looks like

we're going to be

flying together.

Man, i guess there's

no pretty requirement

for this ride.

[grrr]

Hey, wicked.

What's this do?

Hey!

Aah!

[angry grunts]

[angry grunts]

[beep]

Let the ride begin!

[thrusters fire]

Ha! Vibrating.

So i said,

"lace curtains

with a burgundy rug?

Please!"

Oh, colonel gristle,

We've got

a premature launch.

What? What the devil

is going on?

Raise the c*ck.

Eczema 7, eczema 7,

this is mission control.

Come in, please.

Hey! Who's talking at me?

Uh, sir,

who are you?

I asked you first.

Is, uh, captain

miller there?

No. Just me

and the hairy kid.

Sir, you've

initiated an

unauthorized launch.

Abort mission

immediately!

Hey! Looky what

i can do!

You don't

understand.

Your azimuth

is misaligned,

Your gimbals need

to be recalibrated.

It's not true!

I'm just big-boned.

Look, j-just put

the chimp on,

will you?

[grunting]

Translator.

He says some idiot

sat next to him

And fired up

the main rocket.

Tell him to

redirect his course

to 1-0-niner

And begin reentry.

[grunting]

Hey, it's

my turn again.

Ooh!

This ride stinks.

I'm out of here.

This must be

the emergency brake.

[whoosh]

Ha ha! Drafty.

Now re-initiate your

auto-guidance stabilizers.

No problem.

Uh, houston,

i made a boo-boo.

Sir, the weird guy's

blown all 17 oxygen

scrubbers.

There's only

a few more minutes

of breathable air.

People, i know things

may look bleak,

But we're bringing

those boys back alive.

Failure is not an option!

Now, does anyone know

how to repair a used

russian oxygen scrubber?

No.

No.

No.

Well then, he's doomed.

Let's get lunch.

Wait! I know!

I've got all

the technical manuals

going back to 1957,

And i've seen every

episode of biff mccoy,

galaxy boy 26 times!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I don't know

who you are

Or how you got

in here,

But you're

in control now.

Carl?

Man, how do you

change the channels

on this thing, huh?

Listen to me,

johnny.

Listen very carefully.

These are the only spare parts

available to you in the c*ck.

You're going to have

to make this

Using only this.

[meow]

[cat screeches]

[screech]

[screech]

Hurry, johnny!

You only have

two minutes left!

Ok, maybe less.

We're too late, son.

No force in the universe

can save him now.

[grunting]

[pant pant]

Look! It's the chimp!

Aw, come on!

You stupid thingy!

Hey, what the--whoa!

They've gone into

radio blackout, sir.

All we can do now

is wait.

I know!

Let's sing camp songs

to keep our spirits up!

kumbaya--

Aah!

[cheering]

[grunting]

[crew cheers]

Now this is my kind of ride.

Oof!

That was fun.

Can i do it again?

Look out.

Hyah! Ha!

Ooh!

Oh, mama!

A babe!

Mercy!

Whatever.