02x01 - Bikini Space Planet!/Moby Jerk/A Gel for Johnny

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hyah!

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Hyuh! Ha! Hyuh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby.

Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

Here's johnny.

What'll it be,

johnny?

Hey, pops.

Order of fries.

Now, who's going to be

the lucky lady

To share them with me?

Oh, very wrong number.

We have a winner.

Hey, baby.

Anybody ever tell you

I have

beautiful eyes?

Hyah!

Take a picture

of me.

I'm pretty.

Check it out.

Huh! Puppy dog.

Oh

Woman: The organism

called johnny

Seems to be a superior

breed of earthling.

Yes. He will make an

excellent specimen

for our experiments.

You, me,

the moonlight

You do the math.

Would you excuse me

while i powder my nose?

No problemo.

She digs me.

[car engine starts]

[tires screech]

For the love

of humanity, move!

Greetings,

human.

Well, hello,

shiny mamas.

We are 2

enticing females

Who wish to commence

dating rituals with you.

HmmUsually i like

to make the first move.

Let me think about it.

Ok, i thought about it.

Let's motor.

Here's your fries, j--

Hmm

Hmm

Hmm

Nice rig.

Must be an import.

[beep beep]

Hey, pops.

Clam smoothie,

and keep 'em coming.

Carl, thank goodness

you're here.

I think johnny's

in trouble.

What do you mean?

He ordered

a side of fries

And didn't stay

to eat them.

This is serious.

There's more.

There were

2 girls here.

They seemed

nice enough,

But look what

they paid with.

Anodized

titanium crystals.

Johnny left

with those girls.

You don't think--

Johnny's been kidnapped

by beautiful space aliens!

Woman: Welcome

to astron 3, johnny,

The most pleasant-smelling

asteroid in the delta galaxy.

Johnny: Swanky.

Here's those napkin

holders, pops.

Good, carl.

This machine

i'm building

Should help us

pierce the time-

space continuum

And suck johnny

back to earth.

They all laughed

when i tried to build

one of these babies

Back in my nuclear

physicist days.

Well, they're not

laughing now!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I miss you, johnny.

someday,

there will be a--

Pops: Get back

to work.

Johnny:

"hall of science."

Hey, what kind

of date is this?

Before commencing

our dating rituals,

We need to perform

a few tests.

Me johnny.

You babe.

Actually, i'm here

to give you

a series of tests

To measure

your value

as a specimen.

I hope you have

a high tolerance

for pain.

I've been

in love before.

Indeed.

OhThe set

for the dating game.

Hyah!

In this room,

we will test

Your reflexes

and reaction time.

Huh! Hyah!

Hoo ha!

Hyah! Ha!

How am i doing?

Oh! Oh! Uh! Oh! Oh!

Want to get

some lunch?

Soup

and salads?

Sounds perfect.

Whoa!

[panting]

Please,

come with me.

For your final test,

i will ask you

To complete the task

That men were placed

in the universe to perform.

Open this jar

of pickles.

[grunting]

Yay!

Yay!

Yay!

[cheering]

Well, your scores

are excellent, johnny.

Now you just need

to be vaccinated.

Well, ok,

but this date's

Starting

to get weird.

Oh! Do i get

a lollipop?

You may feel

a slight pinch.

Oh, mama!

Oooooh!

Woman: We have captured

the earthling, my queen.

You may approach

me, johnny.

How'd you know

my name?

I've been studying

you, johnny.

You see, we've

been searching

For the perfect

male specimen.

I like where

this is going.

Though

we know little

of earth's people,

You seem to be

a superior example

of the breed.

We wish to know

if you'd consent

to be our king.

And these are

your quarters,

my liege--

Designed

to the exact

specifications

Of the typical

male's interests

and desires.

Uh!

Hail to thee,

o widescreen tv.

Mwah!

What's up with the cable?

Cable? What is

this cable, sire?

You know, bass fishing,

runway models

Runway models.

Cable!

Ah. Pictorial

patterns transmitted

From a satellite

through a coaxial wire.

Yeah. That's

what i said.

Right away, my king.

Johnny's

my best friend.

Why, just

the other day,

He said to me,

"carl, you're

The mayor

of dufustown."

Imagine,

me the mayor.

Well, it's ready.

I just hope it works.

It's got to

work, pops.

It's

just got to.

Your cable is

plugged in, sire.

They can take

our bagpipes,

But they'll never take

our makeup!

Sire, who is

this earthman?

Some actor guy.

He's all right if you like

them pretty boys.

[women gasping]

Hello.

Remember me?

King of the space babes,

monarch for life.

Indeed.

[beep]

Whoa!

Uh!

Whoa!

Here goes nothing.

[whirring]

Oh, mama!

Ow.

It worked, johnny!

We saved you!

I didn't want to be saved.

The important thing is

those beautiful space aliens

Will never

hurt you again.

I hate you both.

I love the smell

of nuggets in the morning.

It smells like

Breakfast.

One fatty nuggets,

extra gristle. Hyah!

I got

a powerful hunger.

Congratulations,

sir!

You're our

one millionth

customer.

What about

my nuggets?

Right away,

but first,

Let's get a picture

Of you and everybody's favorite

fatty nuggets mascot, lord lard.

All right.

Check it out.

Manly. Studly.

Adonisy.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Now, what about

them nuggets?

First, let's tell you

what you've won.

It's a fabulous,

fun-filled ocean cruise!

Yes, your limo

is waiting right outside

To drive you

to the s.S. Gavin macleod,

Famed for its sports facilities,

fine dining,

And world-class

entertainment.

Where are my nuggets,

tuxedo boy?

By day, visit exotic beaches

with your fellow passengers,

Mostly cute single women.

Women? That's

slang for babes.

When do we leave?

Better hurry,

my friend.

The boat sails

in 5 minutes.

Hyah!

Johnny:

Let the groovin' begin.

Hey, you must be

the new swabby.

Yeah, whatever.

Hey, deck monkey,

Fetch me up

one of them fancy

umbrella drinks,

And don't skimp

on the cantaloupe ba*ls.

Ha ha.

That's a good one.

On this ship,

you don't breathe

Without asking

captain mcspleen.

He's the meanest, one-eyedest,

one-leggedest sea dog

What ever walked

a poop deck.

The what deck?

Hoist the mizzenmast.

Make fast the topsails.

Shiver me timbers.

We're setting sail,

me mateys.

Hey, sea monkey,

you're in my sun.

Huh? You're supposed

to be down below.

What? I'm not

missing bingo, am i?

If the captain

sees you here,

i'm dead.

Come with me.

Aw, i get it.

Bumped to first class.

Sweet.

Now take a seat

and get to work.

Aerobics. Cool.

Shove over, old-timer.

Oh, yeah.

Flex the pecs.

Everybody feel the burn.

Come on.

Ah, the sea in me face,

rats at me feet,

And a star to steer by.

All's right

with the world.

Johnny on p.A.:

Attention, passengers.

Please join admiral johnny

for shuffleboard

On the fiesta deck.

Ladies play free.

Neptune's barca lounger!

Oops. On the line.

Nice try, old man.

I hate the sea.

What in blazes

is going on?

Must be the new

galley sl*ve

the agency sent.

I'll take care of him

right away, sir.

I took care

of it, captain.

He won't be bothering you

again anytime soon.

[festive music playing]

Listen to me,

you scurvy

son of a squid.

I'm the captain

of this here

rig, see?

Captain, huh?

Then this must be

the captain's bell.

Nobody jingles

me captain's bell!

Hey, skipper,

where'd you get

the tin paw?

What, the hook?

Why, thereby hangs a tale.

Uh-huh. Is this

going to take long?

It was 10 years ago.

I was running

me first tuna haul

On me new rig

on a day just like this

I finished

swabbing the decks,

captain mcspleen.

Please, call me tim.

And have yourself

an extra ration

of pie tonight.

Aye aye, captain.

When over

the starboard side,

I heard a voice that could only

come from the darkest abyss.

Man: Hey,

you hockey puck!

That's right.

You, you sea cucumber.

Nice uniform.

You look like a bellboy

at the motel 5.

I say, we're

very busy here.

So, if you

don't mind--

Oh, snappy comeback.

You're a bundle of

laughs, you know that?

You're about as exciting

as a bad bowl of prunes.

[laughing]

Don't mock me

in front of my crew.

Oh, i apologize.

Why don't you go

Chase an anchor,

you fish stick?

[thunder]

Fetch me

me harpoon!

Hey, ahab, put down

the toothpick.

You'll hurt yourself.

From hades' heart,

i stab at thee.

I gave him chase,

And i've been chasing

the scabrous beast ere since.

But how'd you lose

your leg and your eye?

Badminton accident.

Huh?

Well, aloha,

mexicali mamacitas.

What in the name

of davy jones' tambourine

are you doing?!

I'm taking her in.

This trip's hurting

for babage.

Shove over!

You tried to

take over my ship,

and that's mutiny!

For that, you'll pay

the ultimate penalty!

All right,

where's my stick at?

How am i supposed to

bust a pinata without a stick?

Have you any

last words, sailor?

Well, i could use

some extra towels

in my cabin.

You've spoken

your last,

You big-haired

buffoon!

Man: What do we

have here?

It must be idiot day

on the high seas.

Here, read my lips.

You're a meatball!

All hands below deck!

Raise the mainsail!

Come on, men!

The chase is on!

Hey, where is everybody?

I'm out of here.

Mcspleen: Arr!

I'll give you

such a pinch.

Man: Try

and catch me,

liver lips.

Say that to me face,

you scurvy devil.

Oh, i'm shaking.

Ha ha ha!

Mcspleen:

I hate you!

I hate you!

Now, where did

them ski bunnies get to?

[whistle]

[giggling]

You rang, fishy mama?

Hey, you meat head,

you're so stupid,

You joined

a stupid contest,

And they said,

"no professionals."

Oh, i don't want to

say you're a loser,

But i hear

you tie steaks

around your neck

To get dogs

to play with you.

What's the matter?

Cat got your brain?

Does this mean

you dig me?

Don't you know when

you're being insulted?

How about you and me

go find an island

somewhere

And make

fishy lips?

Hey, where

are you going?

Come back, tuna girl!

I know you dig me.

Aw, baby, come on.

I think you love me.

I think

you love me!

Arrr

Arrr

Huh?

Oh, mama.

Hyah!

Hey there, my little

etruscan honeybun.

Your burly

gladiator is here.

Huh!

Uh!

I came, i saw,

i broke a hip.

Uh!

[buzz]

Radio d.J.: Hey, it's

the top of the hour

here in the big town,

And there's a whole lot

of crazy going down.

Huh! Hyah! Huh!

[yawns]

[back cracks]

Morning, beautiful.

Ok, mr. Kevin, let's make

a little magic.

Uh-oh.

This qualifies

as an emergency.

Hmm

Hyah! Huh!

Johnny's high-tech.

Huh! Switch sides.

Backstroke.

Huh! Hyah! Huh!

Baby.

Well, that ought to hold her

till i get to the store.

Hey, minsky.

Hey, johnny.

Live komodo dragons

On sale today.

$1.03.

[loud growling]

Get back!

Get back!

Hello, johnny.

Hi, mrs. Minsky.

[whistling]

Hey, minsky,

where'd you put

The mr. Kevin's?

Sorry, johnny.

The hair gel plant

went on strike last week.

I don't get it.

Johnny, they've

shut down the factory.

There's

no more mr. Kevin's

in the whole town.

Ok. Try to be

calm, johnny.

Got to go

to my quiet place.

I can't go outside

without hair gel!

I can't do it!

I just can't do it!

Why don't you

just try

One of these other

nice products?

$1.03.

$1.03.

$1.03.

$1.03.

Price check

on the no-more

frizzies!

Mrs. Minsky:

Hold on.

I'll

look it up.

$1.03.

That'll be $14.63.

Here's $12.00.

Keep the change.

Don't worry, johnny.

Your hair looks fine.

Aw, mama.

Aw, double mama.

Don't panic. Lots

of fine products out there.

One of them

has to work.

That ain't the one.

Huh-uh.

I don't think so.

[muttering]

Aah!

Aaaaaaaah!

Huh?

Girl:

Hey, johnny.

Hi, johnny.

Don't look at me.

Your hair looks

really awful.

What happened?

Big strike.

No hair gel.

The horror.

The horror!

Don't worry, johnny.

I'll fix your hair

at my house

While we watch my new

gabbity abby video.

A gabbity time for sissie.

A gabbity time for sue.

A gabbity time

for margaret.

A gabbity time for you.

I think gabbity abby

is so pretty.

Ow.

I have every

gabbity abby

doll there is.

Ow.

I also have the comic book

and the newsletter

Ow.

The whole picnic set

and the 24-disc cd-rom.

She's not real,

you know. Ow!

There, johnny.

All done.

What did you do

to me, man?!

[evil laughter]

Aah!

Hey, johnny,

where are

you going?

Aah!

Pop: That's a new look

for you, johnny.

I'm ruined, pops.

The one hair gel

That can keep my

hair looking pretty,

And they've closed

the factory.

Hair gel, eh?

Which hair gel?

Mr. Kevin's

triple-strength

hair cement.

Mr. Kevin's? Did you

say mr. Kevin's?

Ha ha ha!

Yeah.

Why, that's

the secret ingredient

In my 5-alarm chili.

Ha ha ha!

[gasps]

Come on back into

the kitchen, son.

Ha ha ha!

[singing hoarsely]

[door opens]

Huh?

Back, bobo, back.

Bobo, back!

[groaning]

Back, i say!

She's all yours, johnny.

Come on, chili.

Daddy needs a new set of locks.

Uh!

Whoa, baby!

Soft, pliable, bouncy.

Hyah!

Thanks, pops.

You're a lifesaver.

Sure thing, johnny.

Oh, and, uh

Let's not tell

the health department

about this.

Righteous.

Huh?

That ain't good.

Hey, get off of me!

Get off, you dang varmints!

It doesn't get

much weirder than this.

Hair gel

Hair gel.

What the

Oh, mama!

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That's the stuff.

Just relax

and feel

the hair gel.

All the hair gel

you'll ever need.

I think

you missed a spot.

Compliments of mr. Kevin.

He is the artist.

I am merely the clay.

Everything's perfect here

at the hair gel oasis.

[buzz]

Radio d.J.'s voice:

Where the temperature's

A steaming 91 degrees

in the shade!

Aah!

Now let's get

the traffic lowdown

From my man bobby g.

Folks, watch out

for that overturned

pickle truck

On the i-6.

There are gherkins

everywhere.

Oh, it was

only a bad dream.

Huh! Hyah! Huh!

[yawns loudly]

[back cracks]

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!