01x08 - Patience

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ Kids' show, Kids' show. ♪

♪ Oh, good Lord, it's a kids' show. ♪

♪ Kids' show.

♪ Kids' show.

♪ Change the channel for-- For kids. ♪

Today's Wonder Showzenis brought to you by...

Patience.

Redrum.

We want this.

And the number ,.

Oh, hey, kids.

[together Hi, Chauncey.]

Today, we're going to learn about patience.

[together Yay.]

[glass shatters]

What...

is...

patience?

Patience is, um...

patience?

Hmm.

Patience.

[sighs]

Patience is...

Patience is...

Patience is-- patience is--

oh, man.

[light synthesized music]

[inhaling deeply]

[sputtering effect]

Patience...

is...

uh...

[dramatic music]

[whistle and expl*si*n]

Breaking news at this hour.

The universe has been r*ped in the mind-gina over

flabbergastorial reports that impatient newscasters

often overstate the importance of minor events in order to

attract the attention of the fickle--

[whistle and expl*si*n]

This just handed to me.

It turns out that last report was just a brilliant media hoax

fabricated by the impatient media itself.

Here with the common man's reaction to this latest

bombshell is the Word on the Street with our new segment,

the Word on the Street.

Well--

In--

My--

Personal--

Opinion--

Kittens--

Are--

Ruining--

America--

And--

Should--

Be--

Genocided--

[together] ♪ Like--

Me!

thwack!

Patience.

Hey, Nia?

Yes?

We're going to go for the world's record right now

for the longest introduction to a cartoon.

What do you think?

Yes.

Yeah? It's going to be fun?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, what should we do during the time?

Mmm.

Count to ,?

Yes.

All right, you ready to do it?

Mm-hmm.

All right, here we go.

[together] One, two, three, four, five, six--

Actually, they probably don't want to watch this at home,

so they should watch the cartoon.

And we'll just count to ,.

Okay?

Mm-hmm.

So watch the cartoon.

[together] Seven, eight, nine, ten.

Yay, punctuation with Punk Mark.

Hey, comma, bro, exclamation point.

Got any change, period?

Uh-oh, bad grammar goblin.

Ooh, ellipses, unquote.

Oh, comma, my baby, exclamation point.

Oh, why did you k*ll my baby, Question Mark?

It's Question Mark.

[slowly] Patience.

...,.

,....

That's not how you count.

Oh, no.

We'd better start over, right?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, here we go.

[together] One, two, three.

You watch this.

We'll count to ,.

[together] Four, five, six, seven, eight.

Look, it's Rad Mark.

That one set of footprints was when Jesus was carrying me.

At least I hope he was Jesus.

He had a long beard and a nice van.

He gave me all the candy I could eat.

He looked Mexican, but I couldn't be sure.

He turned water into wine, innocence to mystery.

[bug chattering]

[splat]

Hee, hee, hee.

[splat]

If someone is mean to you--

[bell ringing]

[hocking luggies]

Don't go screamin' like a demon.

[screaming indistinctly]

Ouch, ouch.

Reverse the curse.

Backwards makes wrongs go right!

[speaking backwards]

Oh, boy, I got a second chance at life!

Second chances are hard to come by.

I'm going to do all the things I never

had the guts to do.

Eh, don't judge me.

You're doing it too.

[speaking backwards]

Well, hi.

So I just went on the street and made a little movie

with my puppet.

Check it out, maybe.

Hi, I'm Clarence.

And today, we're learning about patience from fishermen.

Let's talk to a fisherman today.

Hello, hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you fishing?

Yeah.

It takes a lot of patience, huh?

Yes.

Yeah, we're learning from the kids about patience.

Yes?

Can you look in the camera and say,

"Hey, kids, it's important to be patient"?

Kids, it's important to be patient.

One more time, a little louder.

[clears throat] Kids, it's important to be patient.

Yeah, that's good.

Just say im-por-tant.

Im-por-tant.

Yeah, say it like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, real loud.

Say, "Kids--hey, kids, it's important to be patient."

Kids, it's important to be patient.

One more time.

Louder, though.

All right.

Kids--

Can you make sure you say it louder?

Kids--

Try to do it real loud.

Like, yell it.

Kids, it's--

And when you yell it, try to yell it really clear.

Kids--

And when you yell it clear, try to make your mind,

like, really clear.

So here we go, just one time.

No more.

No, one time, because-- oh, this is good.

That's good.

So you're fishing?

Hi, kids, it's important--

Okay, yeah, that's good.

Say it like that.

Say it like that.

Go ahead.

Hi, kids--

Just like that.

That's perfect. Go ahead.

There you go. Now say it.

I just did.

Okay, yeah.

Go say it just right now.

Hi, kids.

Make sure you say it loud.

Hi, kids, it's--

Real loud, yeah.

That's good. Just like that.

Say it like that.

Kids, it's important to be patient.

That's it.

Say it just like that.

I--

Just like that.

Kids, it's important to--

That's good, just like that.

Just like that.

Oh, come on, you.

One, two, three.

Hi, kids--

Go, start now.

When I say three.

Oh, three?

Yeah.

Like, three, two, one.

Count it down.

Okay, so when I say one.

Like, one, two; and then three, two, one.

Hi, kids, it's--

Go.

Now you got--I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

Hi, kids--

Three, two, one.

Hi, kids.

It's important to be patient.

There you go.

Just like that.

So here we go.

One, two, three, go.

Hi, kids--

Starting now, yeah.

You got it. You got it.

Hi, kids, it's important--

Yeah, that's it.

Just like that.

Just like that.

Let's do one.

Do one?

Yeah.

Last one?

Just like that.

Yeah, this is the last one.

Here we go.

Just look at the camera, and say,

"Kids, it's important to be patient."

Then give a thumbs-up.

Kids, it's important to be patient.

With the other thumb.

You can't use that thumb, okay?

So look in the camera.

Kids, it's important to be patient.

Then give the thumbs-up.

Kids, it's important to be patient.

You weren't looking at the camera.

All right, dude.

Okay, look at the camera, and say, "Last one."

Last one.

Okay, here we go.

Hi, kids--

And let's make this a good one, 'cause it's the last.

Hi, kids--

Also, make sure it sounds like it's the last one.

Go ahead.

All right.

One.

Go ahead.

Hi, kids--

One.

Go ahead.

Hi, kids, it's--

Two. That's good.

That's good, just like that.

And then I'm going to say three, and then we'll do it.

Here we go.

Three.

Hi, kids, it's important to be patient.

And now.

That's what I did.

Are we rolling?

Okay, now we're rolling.

We got the camera rolling now.

So here we go.

Like, give it to me in three, two, one.

Kids--

And just say it real clear,

"Kids, it's important to be patient."

Kids--

Also, if you can say it in English.

Are you for real?

Are you for real?

No, but we're--

Are you for real?

You don't see how this is harassing me?

Are you for real?

Just one question, and then we'll go, okay?

'Cause I know you're fishing.

If you--[bleep]

Get out of here, man.

Get out of here, and leave me alone, man.

Yo, [bleep] police!

No, don't call the police.

Yo, police!

Brrrrrrrrr.

Brrrr.

Brrrr.

Brrrrowww.

Thank you for your patience.

One.

Say it.

Say two.

Two, three.

[together] Hi, kids.

That's good.

I'll count like that.

Did I count right, or no?

Yeah, that's right.

Okay, yeah. It's good?

Yeah.

All right, here we go.

One, two, three.

Hi, kids, it's--

It's important--

To be patient.

No, but you didn't say important.

You gotta say it.

All right.

What do you say?

Im-por-tant, right?

Important.

And what is the word patience?

Important to be patient.

Patient.

Patient.

Patient.

Yeah.

Patient.

Say it like that.

Patience.

Patience.

Patience.

Patience.

Okay.

Patience.

Patience.

Patience.

[both repeating] "patience"

[both repeating] "patience"

That's getting boring, children.

Now let's watch a cartoon!

[together] Yay!

[both repeating] "patience"

[both repeating] "patience"

Stick around, kids.

We're only halfway through the fun.

Gyuk, gyuk, gyuk, gyuk.

Get right back to us.

Gyuk, gyuk, gyuk, gyuk, gyuk.

And now back to our story, kids.

G-g-get back into it.

[both repeating] "patience"

[speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[children cheering]

[speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

Rrrrrrrrrrr.

[both speaking backwards]

[bleep]

[speaking backwards]

[bleep]

[both speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

Hey, cool, they're showing TV backwards.

[speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[hocking luggies]

[splat]

If someone is mean to you, don't go screamin' like a demon.

[ding ding

Ouch, ouch.

[speaking backwards]

Backwards makes wrongs go right!

[speaking backwards]

[bell rings]

Third chances are really hard to come by.

Oh, jeez, I got a third chance at life.

I'm not gonna waste this one.

Whoo-hoo!

[speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards ]

[speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[both speaking backwards]

Celebrating life!

Havin' a party with life.

[all speaking backwards in turn]

[speaking backwards]

Oh, gonna party with life.

Gonna celebrate life.

Gonna shake my booty.

I'm gonna live life...

[dramatic music]

[speaking backwards]

[distorted backwards speech]

[exhaling deeply]

[distorted synthesized music]

[speaking backwards]

Whoo-hoo!

[speaking backwards]

[quirky music]

[backwards computerized speech]

[glass shattering]

[speaking backwards]

[children speaking backwards]

[speaking backwards]

[announcers speaking backwards in turn]

[children singing backwards]

[whip cracks]

There's still more show, kids.

G-g-gonna get this show right, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

♪ Kids' show, Kids' show. ♪

Today's Wonder Showzen is brought to you by--

Speed.

And Paulie's Pocket Chili.

Hey, kids.

[glass shattering]

[children grunting]

Yeah!

Uh.

[screaming]

Dear Jesus:

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme,

gimme, gimme, gimme.

Amen.

Take a look.

Hi, I'm Clarence.

And today, I'm asking toothless Masons, "What do you eat?"

What do you eat?

I eat anything I can get a hold of.

Did you like the movie?

[deep voice] No.

Throw caution to the wind.

[splat]

[together] ♪ Capitalism, corporations, ♪

♪ white man's greed.

♪ Filling all those dreams that the poor people need. ♪

♪ When the revolution comes, it's all poor white men, ♪

♪ please.

♪ How many days till the streets ♪

♪ will bleed?

♪ One, two--and ten.

If your friends try to pressure you into something

you don't want to do--

Then perhaps they're not your friends at all.

Perhaps your only friend is a talking hot dog.

I think that's pathetic.

Perhaps.

[laughing]

I likes to eat watermelon.

Destroy stereotypes.

[expl*si*n]

My breakfast.

We'll be right back, kids.

Hey, you, are these flashing colors and loud noises giving

you a headache?

How about now?

How about now?

How about now?!

[soft music]

Looks like this is a case for Causers Aspirin,

'cause Causers is the only aspirin strong enough

to cure the type of headache only it can cause.

Causers Aspirin.

Causers Aspirin!

[fart sound]

Get it.

Get it?

Ignition.

We're back, kids.

So now you know!

Hey, computer, what would I be like if I was a girl?

I can show you the answer to that right now.

I'll name him Pooder, Jr.

I've never seen you before in my life.

Ya-hooie!

So now you know!

Hi, I'm Madison.

[faux newsreel music]

♪ Kids on the beat.

♪ Kids on the street.

♪ Beat Kids.

♪ Beat Kids.

What weighs more?

A pound of muscles or a pound of brain?

[laughs Muscle.]

A pound of brains.

Muscles.

Muscles all the time.

Muscles.

No brains. Muscle.

Brain smart.

Brain smart.

[together ]Brain smart.

This is Madison saying good-bye on Beat Kids.

♪ Beat Kids.

♪ Preschool race w*r.

♪ Fight. Fight.

♪ Preschool race w*r.

♪ Black. White.

♪ Preschool race w*r.

♪ Fight. Fight.

♪ Black beat white.

♪ Fight. Fight.

Get hooked on books.

Become a reading junkie.

Daddy.

Let's play Funny Not Funny!

[together Funny.]

Not funny.

Funny.

Not funny.

Not funny.

Funny.

Not funny.

Not funny.

Funny.

Not funny.

Well, we learned so much today.

Let's look at a recap.

[together] Yay!

♪ Goodbye, farewell.

♪ Au revoir, adios.♪

♪ We hope you enjoyed the show. ♪

♪ Thank you, my friend.

♪ We'll get you in the end

♪ We hope to see you again.