04x02 - Ghosting

[bunniefuu]

[inhales sharply]

Will you tell Tyler
I've set up Bev's computer?

- [Jason] Yeah.
- Hmm.

- [mouse clicking]
- Oh, wow.

Bev was on a dating website. Jase?

Do you know Bev was on a dating website?

- [chuckles]
- Well, good on her, eh?

- Aw. [groans]
- [chuckles] Oh, look.

Oh, I miss date night.

Uh, are we still excited
to spend time together, you know?

Find new things out about each other.

I'm not gonna find out anything good
about you now, am I, thirteen years in?

I mean, if it was good,
you would have led with it.

Jason.

All right then. Well, let's get
a pizza tonight or something, shall we?

No, I'm talking about spending
quality time with each other.

You know, going out somewhere.

- Out?
- Yes, out.

Why? The only reason you go out
is to meet someone to stay in with.

And we've done that. We won.

This is our prize. We're the winners.

I don't wanna go out there
with the losers. No, thank you.

[door slams]

I tell you what, she slammed
that a lot quieter than last time.

- That's progress, Nik.
- Something's up with her.

She got angry at me yesterday because
apparently I go "Ah" when I drink tea.

- What?
- I sip tea and go "Ah"

and apparently,
it's "unnecessary" and "performative."

Okay.

Oh, yeah. Here she is.

You all right?

- Yeah.
- [Jason] Yep. [grunts]

[computer chimes]

[Nikki] Oh, no.

Aw, Jase, Jase, Jase, Jase, Jase,
come here.

- Come here. Come... Come here. Come here.
- Why? What's happened now?

- [sighs] Someone's messaged her. Oh, no.
- Aw, they haven't.

- She had a date set up.
- Oh, God.

Tonight.

But she can't go because she died.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. I know that, yeah. Okay.
- [groans]

- Poor George.
- We-We should write to him, shouldn't we?

- No, what are you doing?
- Well, we gotta let him know.

No, you can't do that.
Look how much they've been messaging.

They know each other. We can't just reply
"Hi. She's dead."

Well...

We need to let him know in person.

- What are you doing now? What's that?
- I'm just... I'm confirming the date.

- You're what?
- I can't ghost him.

You're pretending to be a dead woman,
you literally are a ghost.

- Oh, Jase, you don't need to come.
- [computer chimes]

[gasps] Ooh!
Oh, he's taking us to Serafina. [chuckles]

[footsteps approaching]

Ah.

[Karen] The simple truth is
supply chains are so complex now.

Cross-contamination,
well, it's inevitable.

I mean, food labeling.

You know, it's an... it's an exercise
in liability limitation

rather than public health,
which is the opposite of the intention.

Anyway... [sighs]
...I'll forward you the article.

Oh, my goodness!
Who let a penguin loose in the house?

Someone call the penguin po...
Oh, it's you.

Where have you been?

I just went for a walk in the garden,
but, uh, got a bit tired.

Oh, I know.
You can't do it all in one, can you?

You know that, don't you, Stevie?
It's not like our old house.

If you go for a walk in the garden,

you need to take water with you
in case you get lost.

Okay.

You excited for Earth Day, darling?

[gasps] Oh, remember,
take the electric car.

And for God's sake, don't tell them
you work for an oil company.

Or that you have a big house. Or holidays.

Or anything you might boasted
about before 2010,

do not mention now.

Roger that.

[coach cheering]

Yeah, keep going.
Keep going down the right.

Come on. One, two.
One, two like we practiced.

Carrot stick?

It's 10:30.

Yeah, I like to get
my five a day in early.

Then I can just coast the rest of the day.

Can I ask you a question?

How often are you and Hayley going out,
like on a date night?

- Out?
- Yeah, out.

- Why would we go out? We're not single.
- Exactly.

People go out for sex.

- Whatever they tell you, it's sex.
- [chuckling]

[stammers] Do you think
that many people are into pottery?

Come on.
People join a pottery class for sex.

If you get a milk jug out of it,
then that's a bonus.

You see,
now they're putting sofas in pubs.

So, they're trying to make going out
look like staying in.

[chuckles] I mean... Okay, okay.
I'm sitting inside with Hayley.

You want us to stop talking,
put on our coats,

- walk down the road, get on the bus...
- Mmm.

...sit on that bus for 20 minutes,

sit back down three miles
from where we started

and start talking again?

That's an absurd idea.

- Preach.
- Plus, my mortgage is so high,

I like to stay in as much as possible.
Get my money's worth.

- I feel you, mate.
- [coach] Look here.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, go! Yes, Georgie boy!

- [whistle blows]
- Go on! That's what I'm talking about!

Mate? Sorry... Mate? Excuse me, hi.

Do you think there's any chance
of our boys getting on?

'Cause otherwise we're just two grown men
stood in a field staring at kids.

- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah, look,

I asked them to separate
the less coordinated ones

- into a group and they won't.
- Ah.

It's-It's just we've already separated
the less-coordinated ones into a group.

- We call it "children."
- [coach chuckles]

All right, Tyler, Theo. Come on. On we go.

[Jason] Okay, that's it. Yeah.
Come on, lads.

- [coach] Lily, George.
- [Jason] There we go.

[Theo's parent] Go on, Son.

Just enjoy yourselves.

[whistle blows]

[coach] Okay, lads. Come on. Bring it in!

That's full time. Well done.

- Come on in, lads.
- That's it, Tyler. Yep, stretch it out.

Can't be too careful, mate.

[Theo's parent] Well done, Son.

- Hi.
- [receptionist] Hi.

Is Kat Reid here?

- Do you have an appointment?
- No, actually, but I don't need one.

I'm her daughter.

She left me when I was five years old
and I deserve to know why.

Okay.

Kat?

[Kat] Hold on. One sec.

Okay. No worries.

I'll just take these.

Have a nice day.

- Ah.
- No, it's annoying.

Well, I-I don't know how else
I'm supposed to swallow.

It's definitely annoying.

[Nikki sighs]

- [smacks lips] Aw, yeah.
- Oh, that's nice.

[Nikki] Mmm.

[Karen] Mmm. Hmm.

- Oh, it's quite reasonable.
- Oh, that's expensive.

Oh, go on. Get it.

- No. No, I'll never wear it again.
- [smacks lips] Oh.

- Can I ask you something?
- Yes.

How much time do you
and Scott spend together?

- About four or five evenings a week.
- Really?

We're barely in the same room
at the minute.

Yeah. But remember we've got
a bigger house than you.

Even when you're in different rooms
in your house,

you're probably still closer than us

when we're on opposite sides
of the living room.

Right. No, we are lucky like that.

Okay. I'm gonna get it. [chuckles]

I'm gonna get it and keep the label in
and maybe return it on Monday.

Just have to focus on not sweating.
Would you babysit tonight?

- What?
- Oh, please.

- Do they need it?
- Oh.

Well, they are quite old.

Stevie irons her own school shirts now.

And she's started flossing
of her own accord.

Yes. You've said.

[stammers]
Princess is fragile at the minute,

and she thinks she needs to be on her own
when she's like this.

But, Karen, I-I know that she doesn't.

[Karen clicks tongue]

- Oh, fine.
- Yes! [chuckles]

So where's Jason taking you
on your date night?

Oh, no. Not Jason. George.

George?

Yeah, I'd definitely say yummy.

Um, maybe next time try
a little Parmigiano-Reggiano.

I think it gives it
a slightly more decisive flavor, you know?

But, um, your seasoning...
[clicks tongue] ...spot on.

- Did you have a good day today?
- Yeah.

Yeah?

What was your favorite part?

Mmm, when we did drawings of the world.

Oh, yes. Well, um, show me.

We can, uh...
We can put it on the fridge, can't we?

Hey. [grumbles]

What's... What's this?

- [host] Please follow me.
- Okay.

Quite excited. [chuckles]

- Do I look terrible?
- Oh, hang on. I know this one.

- Do you like my dress?
- You... Yes.

I always like you in that dress.

Hello, um, yeah, there should be
a reservation under George? [chuckles]

- [host] Yes, there is. Please follow me.
- Okay, thank you. [chuckles]

[gasps] Aw, Jase. Look at him. Oh.

Look how he's come dressed up
for our date.

- Again, it's not a date for us.
- [smacks lips]

Hello, George. Um, you're here to see Bev?

Well, hello.

May I say that your picture
does not do you justice? [chuckles]

Oh, no. Oh, thank you. No, um, I'm Nikki,
I'm-I'm a friend of Bev's.

Uh, she can't come.

Oh?

Yeah, um... [smacks lips]
...she can't come, um...

[smacks lips] I'm so sorry, George.
Bev died.

But she emailed me this morning.

Um, I confirmed the date 'cause we just...
we wanted to tell you in person.

I'm sorry.

She died?

- Yeah.
- Couple of weeks ago, mate.

Yeah. Yeah, she's gone.

Well... a fact of life,
I suppose, at our age. [chuckles]

Which is why I always try to book
the date in within a week. [chuckles]

- Your champagne, sir.
- Will you join me?

- Oh.
- Oh, that's...

No, we've... we've...
we've got to sh**t off.

Champagne is made to be drunk
by beautiful women.

- [chuckles]
- [chuckles] Oh, no.

I'm looking a bit tired at the minute.
[chuckles]

There is no smoking here, but I fear
you may set off the sprinklers. [chuckles]

- [chuckles]
- Right.

[chuckling] Yeah, okay.
Maybe just the one. [sighs]

To Bev.

- Bev. [chuckling]
- Do you mind... Can I have a...

Jase, go and get a chair.
Stop being difficult.

- Where am I supposed to go?
- [Nikki] Mmm.

- Right. Pizza in half an hour, kids.
- [Tyler sighs]

[Princess] Okay.

Uh, Tyler. You're gonna strain your eyes
at that distance.

Oh, okay.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome. So, what should we do?

Oh, God. I don't know.
Been a while since I've babysat.

I mean, last time we made milkshakes

and built a blanket fort
in the living room.

You really don't have to stay.
I'm not a kid.

No, it's fine.

I love my daughter, but sometimes it's
nice to speak to someone who's not five.

Mozart wrote his first symphony
at five, so...

Well, Mozart's a rod for all our backs.

Is it a difficult age then, five?

No. I just mean it's nice
to speak to a grown-up.

You okay?

- Okay, well...
- My mom left when I was five. So, yeah.

Right.

[sighs]

You know, if you ever need someone
to talk to, it would just stay between us.

I've got a shockingly bad memory
and very few friends.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

What do they call that there?

- This?
- Yeah.

Uh, this is a sweatshirt.

[gasps] Ah, yes. [grumbles] Comfy.

Yeah.

I think I wore one of those once.

I'd had a colonoscopy

and my daughter put one on me
while I was still sedated.

- Okay then, we should...
- Oh, hello.

we should probably be making a move,
shouldn't we?

Well, I'd like to thank you both
for a lovely evening.

I'm just grateful I got to do part of it
at least.

Oh, George,
did you have something else planned?

Oh, you thought this was the date?

Oh, my darling,
my medication has barely kicked in.

[all chuckling]

- Okay, well, it is getting late, so...
- George.

- So sorry for the squash.
- Yep.

Where are you taking me?

[chuckles]

- Ooh. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

You really do glow in the twilight,
my dear.

- It's 5:30. [grunts]
- The upside of cataracts

is that they do lend things a shimmery,
Golden-Age-of-Hollywood glow.

- [horns honking]
- [driver] w*nk*r!

Should you be driving, mate?

In search of life,
we come so close to death.

What, you... [sighs]

You went round all the Kat Reids
in London?

No, I had a screening process.
[inhales sharply]

But not a good one.
I ruined one girl's bat mitzvah.

- [chuckles]
- [stammers] Why now?

You know, after all this time.

[inhales sharply]
I thought she'd come back when Bev died.

And when she didn't,
I knew she never would

and that I'd have to find her.

Have you told Jason and Nikki?

No, Nikki will be so upset.

Well, you know, she always is.

You just have to tune it out.
Like living next to a busy road.

No, it's all over now anyway, I...
[stammers] I can't find her.

[inhales deeply]

Oh, Princess. Come here.

[sighs]

So, what can I do?

{\an8}[swing music playing]

Welcome back, sir. Madam.

Uh, I'm sorry, sir.
We do require a jacket for the ball.

Well, I haven't got one.

We have a house jacket
for under-dressed patrons.

I mean, does this really look better
than what I was just wearing?

Yes.

- Yes.
- [patron 1] Oh, yes. Much better.

[patron 2] Much better.

[groans]

Ladies and gentlemen,
please bring your partners to the floor.

The next dance is the quickstep.

[sighs]

Cheers, mate.

- [exclaims, laughs]
- Oh. Easy. Yep.

- The quickstep's hard work. [laughing]
- [chuckles] Is it?

[Nikki] Oh, he's so sweet.

- He told an anti-German joke earlier.
- Yeah, but I think he was being ironic.

- Ah. Okay.
- I think he was winking at it.

Jase, he brought heel protectors.

He brought heel protectors for the feet
of a woman he's never met.

[chuckles] The hope. The commitment.

A date used to be an event.
You know, you charmed the person.

- Here's the thing about the charm, right?
- Mm-hmm.

Anyone who's ever charmed you was
actually just trying to get you into bed.

- No.
- Yes.

True charm is about making
another person feel special.

- I look forward to...
- [waltz music playing]

- [gasps] Oh.
- What? What's happened?

- It's a waltz.
- Go on then.

I've heard she's married.

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

[Princess sighs]

Yes! Exactly.
There's no need to audibly exhale.

- I know.
- [scoffs]

I don't know what she's playing at.

Your hand's very sweaty.

That's because
you're gripping it too tightly.

Well, if you weren't sweating so much,
I wouldn't have to.

Well, it seems like we've got ourselves
a chicken-and-egg situation, Sylvie.

Oh. Watch how George takes command.

Such gentle dominance.

- You know, he makes love like he dances.
- Okay. Okay.

What?

Nothing.

- Well, if you've got something to say...
- Let's just get home, shall we?

[scoffs]

[sighs]

[Jason sighs]

Uh, George?

George? George? Uh, we've stopped.

Oh, so we have. [chuckles] Are we home?

No. No, I think we've broken down.

Yes, this happens. [grunting]

Is he...

Did I tell you my theory
about the Japanese?

Hey. Why are you not sleeping?

You okay? You wanna put the light on?
So it's a bit more friendly dark?

What's climate emergency?

Um... [stammers] ...where did you hear that?

If you put the light on,
it's bad for the animals.

No, I think it... I think it's okay.

Okay.

Well, listen.

You don't have to worry
about any of that stuff.

And there's lots of people out there
working very, very hard

- to make sure everything's okay.
- Are you?

Um... [stammers]
...we're all gonna make more effort.

When the floods come,
will the animals drown?

[sighs, smacks lips]
Shall we read a story?

Yeah? Let's see.
What have we got? [grunts]

{\an8}Who Took My Tree. Okay. Uh.

The Squirrel Who...

Okay.

Um... [smacks lips]
Should I go get Mrs.Tiggy-Winkle?

Yeah? Shall we have something
a little pre-w*r? Yeah? Okay.

[thunder rumbling]

Okay.

I can't push it on my own.

He's 76.

Uh, I was thinking you maybe.

No, I'm not doing it. I'll get grubby.

All right then.

Fine. Well, we'll just sit here all night,
shall we?

You might actually have to spend
some time with me. Sorry about that.

Nightmare.

George? George, could you turn
your hearing aid down a sec?

- We just... [sighs] We need to have words.
- Yeah, by all means.

You're all alone now, my dear.

I hardly saw you all night.

Hey, well... [stammers]
I might have got a bit carried away,

but it was actually nice to spend time
with someone who actually made an effort.

People do tell me that I'm handsome,
and, uh, charming, you know?

Yeah, but that's because you're tall
and women get confused.

And I make an effort.

Turning your head to the left
when we're on the sofa, Jase,

is not making an effort.

I thought you liked staying in
and getting cozy?

- What do you mean?
- Yeah, I... I do.

[stammers] Of course I do, but...

that house, it just...
used to be the two of us.

We're other things in that house now.

We need to go out
where we can be a two again.

Somewhere where we're actual people
that we remember to see.

I'm not just background music, Jase.

- I need you to see me.
- [groans] These phrases, Nikki, honestly.

Fine.

George? George, you can put your, um...

- Oh.
- [smacks lips]

I fear I may have come between you.
Maybe I can help?

No, I don't think so, mate, but thank you.

I was married to my Linda for 43 years.
Perhaps I know a thing or two.

What happened to Linda, George?

I lost her. She passed.

George, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, mate.

[inhales sharply] Tell me how you met.

[smacks lips]

We met 13 years ago. [chuckles]

And...

the first time we kissed,
I thought, "That's it."

"That's the last man
I'm ever going to see naked."

[all chuckle]

Well, I was going out
with someone else at the time,

so it wasn't quite
the same experience for me.

- Right. Okay, Jase, fine.
- [chuckles]

- If you're not gonna...
- I was obsessed with her, George.

Absolutely obsessed.

I mean,
I wanted to know everything about her.

I wanted to know what her blood type was.

I wanted to know if paprika tasted
the same to her as it did to me.

I wanted to know the layout
of her primary school classroom.

And I'm still obsessed with her.

All of her.

I mean,
I even fancy her bloody handwriting.

Okay. Better.

It's a blessing to have someone
to be kind to.

It is.

But I don't always remember to see you.

Because...

you're a feeling now.

What kind of feeling?

Like warm light.

[Nikki] Hmm.

Now, will you please help me
push this bloody car?

No, I can't. I'll ruin my dress.

Kept the label in. I was gonna return it.

What? Why?

Well, 'cause I... [chuckles]
I'm never gonna wear it again, am I?

Let's have a look.

- Wait, no, what did you... Jase?
- [grunts]

What did you do that for?

We'll make sure you get the wear. Okay?

[chuckles]

Right.

Well, come on then.

- [chuckles]
- Right.

- [George] Ready?
- Okay.

- Ready? One, two, three, go.
- [chuckles] Yes. Two, three... [grunts]

- [Jason] Go on. There we go.
- [Nikki groans]

- [Jason] Turn it!
- [George] Okay.

Ready? Off we go!

- [laughing]
- We're in! Go, go, go, go.

[both laughing]

Are you f... joking?

Right, Serafina for dinner then
on to the Rivoli Ballroom for dancing!

[Nikki] Oh, no.

[computer chiming]

[Nikki] Bloody hell, Bev.

[inhales deeply, smacks lips]

[Jason whistles]

I can't believe Karen built them
a blanket fort.

She's got no idea
what's going on with teenagers.

Mm-mmm. Not a clue.