03x02 - The Circle

[bunniefuu]

Okay.

Right. Let's go!

First day of school!

Sorry.

Okay, that's for you.

That's for you, sir.

Right. Yep.

Sure you don't just wanna
shave it all off?

- No.
- Shave your head? Get rid of it?

No? Okay.
Well, I'm gonna keep checking back.

Have you got your show-and-tell sorted?

Is that... You want to... Okay.

- Is that interesting?
- It's magical and has special powers.

Does it?

Wow. Okay.

Are you hearing this?

He wants to get up
in front of his whole class

and tell them
his rock's got magical powers.

Are we all right with that?

It's a comfort object.

Isn't that usually a blanket or something?

Jase, the heart wants
what the heart wants.

That is a target on his back for bullies.
I mean, that's blood in the water.

Jase,
this "everyone is a threat" mentality,

this is why you won't put lip balm on
when there are other men on the bus.

I was bullied at school.
I know what it's like.

They will latch on to anything
without adding "talks to rocks"…

- No.
- …into the mix.

He has a rock.

He is not talking to rocks.

What?

I wasn't going to take you, but…

Yeah, okay. Fine, take it off him.

- But do it gently, okay.
- Okay.

Do you know what?

I'm thinking that maybe this is
a bit too precious to take into school.

We don't wanna lose it, do we?

So should we maybe leave it at home today,

and perhaps
you could do your talk on this?

- Okay.
- Yeah? You loved this, didn't you?

I know, mate.

I know that your first week back
is a bit scary.

I'll tell you what.

I want you to remember something,
all right?

If ever you get scared,
I want you to look at this.

I'll do one myself now. Ready?

Inside this circle,
there's you, there's Princess,

there's me, there's Nikki,
and there's our flat.

Now this circle is a safe space,

so whatever happens outside it
doesn't matter

because you can always come back here,
to the circle.

Okay? Here's a good boy.

All right, come on. Let's go.

Okay!

So, I'm gonna put this in here, all right?

Come here, you. How are we wearing it?

Do you want it to the left
like a gentleman

or the right like a scoundrel?

Yeah? All right, perfect.

Get your bags together, kids.
Come on, Nik. Let's go, babe!

Come on. Let's go.

- Everyone ready?
- One, two, three.

- That's a shame.
- What?

- Chrissie and Sarah are moving.
- Okay.

All right, then. Okay.

Buh-bye.

- See you, babe.
- Okay, buh-bye.

- Have a good day. Bye.
- Bye.

You're kidding.

Welcome back.

How are the kids?

Yeah, they're great, thanks.

Not allowed to do this anymore.

Yeah, even on the wider...

Even on the wider desks. Okay.

- How are you finding management, then?
- I love it, Terry.

Fifteen feet and a million miles, right?
From there to here.

Yeah.

I think your relationship with the sales
team is gonna be so valuable for us.

I really hope so.

Because we need to fire one of them.

- What?
- It's bloated and underperforming.

But it's just hard to pick out
one individual…

Well, yeah.

…'cause I don't know any of their names.

Right.

Could you have a think?
Come back to me with a target.

- Is there really no other way...
- Cheers.

Right.

Door closing.

Where is he?

I was researching it for a book.

- What?
- Nothing.

- You're selling our flat!
- Am I?

Yes! Tresco Street. Yes.

Right. Okay.

Tresco Street.

Yeah, they are.

Well, they can't. Because it's our flat.

Yeah, I feel you on that.

But, I mean, technically it's theirs,
so they can.

- Well, can't you talk to them?
- Yeah, absolutely! Who?

The people that own the flat!

Well, the flat's managed
by a property management company

on behalf of a developer,

who's owned by
a property investment company,

who's owned by an offshore trust.

Jeff? Jeff, I think
one of them was called.

- I don't know. Listen.
- Is that it?

I've been doing my research, okay?
And they need to give us notice.

Yeah, well they sent you a letter.

Well, we didn't receive the letter,

so, therefore,
it is not legally binding, sir.

Okay. That's not true.

But even if it was true,
your tenancy runs out in three months.

At which point, unfortunately,
they can do whatever they want.

This is just typical Enron,
Lehman Brothers bullshit, this, innit.

I don't know who they are.

How can you work for vultures like this
that are preying on vulnerable people?

Well, I'm actually temping here

so technically
I work for Office Elves, but…

Please. Come on.

Come on, please don't sell our flat.

Please don't.
It's got all our stuff in it.

I can't... I'm sorry, mate.

Well, we'll buy it. How much is it?

That's the guide price.

- Oh, for... Seriously?
- Well, yeah, approximately.

Unless there was asbestos in the ceiling
or a sinkhole.

I mean, even with a sinkhole,
it's pretty central.

Bye.

Hello, Dad.

Listen, do you know anything
about asbestos?

- Nikki!
- Jen, I need your help.

Oh, my God, how are the kids?

Do they have the faces of angels?
I bet they have the faces of angels.

Yeah, they have the faces of angels.
I just need some super quick...

Do they totally love you yet?
I bet they totally love you.

- Sorry, I'm talking again.
- Terry's told me to fire someone, Jen.

From sales.

But I'm Jen from sales.

No, I have to fire someone from sales.
And I can't say no, because then what?

Then Terry fires me, then neither me
or Jason have jobs.

Jen, who am I gonna fire?

Okay, well, first of all,
stop saying "fire" really loudly, okay?

Right, yes.

Right. So, worst to best,

it's Tinkle, Gentle Ben,
Straight Jo, g*y Jo,

Consequence, Pork Chop,
Nico when he's sober, Dirt Baby,

Nico when he's drunk, weirdly,

Drew Boy and Baby Legs.

Baby Legs?

The strongest member of our sales team
is called Baby Legs?

Since Fist left, yeah.

Well, should I fire Tinkle?

Okay, that's a no from me.

I'm crushing on her a bit.

I didn't know you...

I'm a bit of everything, Nikki,
to tell you the truth.

Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
I'm gonna work with them.

Maybe convince Terry
that the team is okay as it is.

I need you off the phones,
listening in to their calls.

But, Jen, it is a secret.

It is a secret special mission.

Sorry, I have to go.

I have a secret special mission.

Operation "improve performance quickly so
I don't have to fire anyone" starts here.

This is so exciting.

Sorry, I'm on a secret special mission.

All right?

Bloody hell.

- What, has the reactor core melted down?
- Come on.

Hey, mate, it's me.

Do you fancy a pint?

Erica's moving to Manchester.

With the kids.

Closer to her sister.

So…

Yeah, I'm a bit lonely.

Anyway, just give us a call
when you get a chance. Bye.

Do you know how we get
to the Odeon cinema?

Yeah.

You just go straight down there,
then turn right at the roundabout,

and then you wanna…

Actually, do you know what?

I'll just walk with you.

No, you don't have to do that...

Nonsense! Happy to.

Off we go then.

So, what are you doing after? Any plans?

Perhaps get a lunch or something?

You know what you're looking for, yeah?

- Yep.
- All right.

I did roof pitches
back in the day with Jimmy Two Legs.

Only got one arm.

Focus on the positives.

- Well, any asbestos?
- No, clean as a whistle.

Well, that's just bloody typical, innit?

Not even a bit? A smidge?

No, not even a touch of damp.

Well, can you…

put asbestos in somewhere?

- No, you can't.
- No, of course not.

Not anymore.

Well, that's just my life all over, innit?

What's all this about?

Well, we're thinking about
trying to buy this place, you know?

If the price is right.

And listen, I hate to ask you...

- Well, it's a nightmare, innit, buying?
- Yeah.

We've just put a deposit down
on a villa in Alicante.

You haven't.

Used my Tillson's money.

Cleaned us out.

But your mum's made up.

Bloody hell, mate.

That's come out of nowhere, innit, hey?

Well, that's good. That's great!

- Right.
- Yeah.

You know they put fish
in everything over there?

Even the onion rings?

No, that's not the...

Don't worry about it.

Is Tinkle offering people

- the collision damage waiver?
- No.

- Maybe you should tell her to do that.
- Yep.

Also, tell her she looks super cute
in her Docs.

Right.

Hi. Tinkle, are you offering people
the collision damage waiver?

- Yeah, I am.
- Okay, good.

- The other thing.
- No.

The Docs.

Also, Jen says you look super cute
in your Docs.

I mean, this is amazing.

It's insane.

We never have this few complaints.

Rentals are up.

This is w*r of the Worlds, apocalypse,
flee-the-city levels of van hire.

- Jen, is there an apocalypse on?
- Hold on…

Yeah, no, we're fine.

I don't believe it.

So, in one day,
you've turned the whole company around.

- You are amazing.
- No, I don't know about that.

No, seriously.

They would've just fired someone
and ruined their life,

but you didn't let that happen.

That's amazing.

Thanks for asking me to help you.

- No, don't be silly.
- No, I mean it.

Feels good to be part of a team.
You know, a proper one.

Not just an ironic hashtag
after a reality couple breakup.

No one ever believes in me.

Thank you.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Weirdo.

Hello, mate.

Mon ami.

There he is, nice to see you.

You too.
How comes you're not in the office?

Well, "the office"...

It's just a state of mind really,
isn't it? You know?

Plus, I lost my pass, so I'm just here
working on the blog. Yeah.

- Insider blog on the banking industry.
- Okay.

Allows me to say what I want when I want.

And rest assured, I do.

Do you? That's good. Wicked.

Listen, Scott, I need your help, mate.

- Here I be.
- Brilliant.

You know... Look, 'cause I don't...

I don't know anything about banking
and all that, and I don't trust it.

I'm more of a "cash in hand" sorta bloke.

But we are family now,

and, you know,
I see us as brothers? In a way.

- Well, that means a lot.
- Yeah.

- You know I've always wanted a brother.
- Yeah.

I mean, I have two,
but they don't like me.

That's...

That's sad.

So, we wanna buy the flat.

- You wanna buy a flat?
- Yeah.

- In London?
- Yes. Our flat. Yeah.

- Your flat in London?
- Yes, we want to buy our flat in London.

But We need a deposit,

and I can't ask my dad because he's buying
this retirement place in Spain.

Right.

And me and Nikki,
we simply haven't got enough.

- How "not enough"?
- Well, we need to double it quickly.

- Wow.
- Yes, and quickly.

I mean, is that something
you think you might be able to do?

Hey. It's my job.

Yes. Okay, but, mate,
I need a big return, all right?

So none of those ethical investments.

Like, I want dark web sh*t.

Like puppy farms, land mines, wet wipes,
those sorts of things.

Understood.

Yeah, and it's probably best
you don't tell Nikki about it though.

Just for the time being, all right?

And, Scott, I really, really cannot afford
to lose this money.

I hear you. That's okay.

I can't afford to lose another brother.

Jason.

- Hey!
- Yeah.

You can rely on me.

That's a candle.

Okay, where are we?

So I took Jen off the phones,
and we listened in to the others.

I thought that if I could coach them
to be a bit better, then...

Sales are up. Complaints are down.

Well done. Big improvement.

Yeah…

Yeah, no. Not really.

Complaints are down, Terry.

They're down by the exact number of people
who normally complain about Jen.

- Right.
- Yeah, and the sales are up

because callers are getting through
to people who are not Jen.

So?

Yeah.

- I'm gonna have to fire Jen.
- Wow.

Okay.

Yep.

Which one's Jen?

The rock.

Damn it.

Hello. Yeah, hello.

Hello, mate. Are you busy?

Thank you, Shanice.

That's really coming on.

Okay…

Tyler, would you like to come up?

This is my rock.

It's magic, and it has special powers.

Weirdo.

Oh, no. Hurry up. Come on.

Hi. Sorry, can you let us through there,
please? There's this, rock.

Okay.

Thank you.

Why don't you tell us
why you wanted to show us the rock?

Government scientists.

Stay where you are.

Everyone, stay calm.
There's no need to panic.

- It's okay.
- Ready?

Easy.

Stay nice and still, please, young man.

- Is this the rock?
- We have to be certain.

Oh, boy.

My goodness.
It's stronger than we thought.

All right, everybody.

- Stay calm and do not look directly at it.
- Don't move.

Don't look at it.

Cover your eyes.

Okay.

- Good boy. Come on.
- Gently.

Careful. Care...

It's okay.

Great work, Tyler. Great work.

What about them?

They've seen too much.

Shall I...

- No!
- No!

No, we can trust them.
Listen, we were not here.

This never happened.

This is a normal rock.

It is not from outer space,

and it does not, I repeat, not have
any special powers whatsoever.

- Are we clear?
- Yes.

Young man…

You're a credit to your class,
your school and your family.

Over and out.

If you develop any superpowers whatsoever,

call this number. Okay?

Okay, everyone.

- Thanks for that, mate.
- No worries.

So, you wanna do another school or...

What? No. What?

Nothing.

Just a bit lonely.

- Don't want to hang out?
- I can't, mate. Sorry.

I've gotta get back to the house
and do kids' tea.

Yeah. For sure.

- Thank you.
- Laters.

- So, what you having?
- Fajitas.

Nice.

I prefer a dry rub to a marinade,
particularly for your leaner meats.

Please don't be talking to me
about dry rub.

Okay, so, what is the plan with the rock?

I don't know.

I think it's just a phase. It's just...

It's just unfortunate
that it's our first phase.

You know, I really missed them
when I was at work.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I figure, if I'm gonna spend time
with people I barely know

and struggle to make small talk with,
it may as well be my kids.

- Listen.
- Yeah?

I need to tell you something.

'Kay…

Sarah and Chrissie aren't moving.

Good.

- It's us.
- What?

They're selling our flat. Yeah.

- What?
- Yeah.

- Are you kidding?
- No.

- But... What...
- No. Jase...

No, but... What are we gonna do?

We're gonna buy it.

What do you mean,
"We're gonna buy it"? How?

I just said to 'em, "We'll buy it."
It was actually pretty easy.

No, we don't have the money for that.

My dad's gonna lend it to us.

- Really? What? No, it...
- Yeah.

- Is that enough?
- Uh-huh, could be.

Listen. But, we might have to
put the wedding on hold for a bit,

and it's gonna take time to come through.
He needs to move stuff around.

Oh, my God!

It's gonna take a while to come through.
And, listen to me.

He feels a bit awkward about it,
all right?

- Keep it to yourself. Okay?
- It's amazing.

- All right.
- Oh, my God.

- I'm gonna get some more wine.
- Go on then. Okay.

It is good. It is...