[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]
♪ Ace Ventura...
All righty, then.
♪ Pet detective on the run
[LAUGHING]
[TRUMPETING]
♪ Ace Ventura
♪ Doesn't even have a g*n...
Yes! Yes!
-Whoa! -[BELLOWING]
[YELLING]
♪ Ace Ventura...
Ace Ventura, pet detective.
♪ Pet detective on the run ♪
[LAUGHING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[PANTING]
[CAR APPROACHING, HORN HONKS]
Park it in the usual spot and try not to scratch the finish.
It's, uh, original.
[COUGHING]
I don't work here.
I'm Don Kingsley, manager to the stars.
How'd you get a room?
I thought this place was just for animals of the rich and famous.
Are you the pet detective I hired?
Babe, I'm the only pet detective.
Now take me to the bowling bear.
So, we moved Babalu here as a preventative measure,
but he still receives the anonymous threats.
They say if he bowls in the big tournament... [MIMICS SLASHING]
I'm sorry. Can I offer you a lozenge for that?
For what?
[DON GRUNTS]
You know, you have beautiful hair.
It makes you resemble a cotton-top tamarin,
a marmoset-like primate from Panama.
-You don't scratch yourself a lot in public, do you? -[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Why, guy!
-[GRUNTS, YELPS] -[DINGS]
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Now, remember, champions are very sensitive.
It's important that Babalu rest up for the big game in Las Vegas tonight.
So, do not do anything which might upset or distract him.
You mean like this?
[SQUAWKING LOUDLY]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
-[WOMEN LAUGHING] -[DOOR OPENS]
Babalu!
[SQUAWKING LOUDLY]
-Mr. Ventura will be accompanying us to Las Vegas. -[SNORING]
Huh?
Gee!
I have a hard time reading signals.
Do you think he likes me?
Mr. Ventura, enough.
You'll make Babalu strain his throwing paw.
You sure he's not a pro wrestler?
[SLURPS]
Sorry, bear man, but I'm already in a relationship with a monkey.
I think, I'm ready to make the big commitment.
Look, Babalu, over here.
-Lunch! -[BUZZING]
-[SLURPS] -[YELLS]
[GROANING]
Wow, that's what I call fresh!
Of course it's fresh.
Nothing but the best for Babalu!
Hmm. Honeybees come in three groups,
the queen bee, the worker bee, and the drone bee.
This bee is none of the above.
[YELLING]
But judging by the intensity of its sting,
my rapidly rising fever,
and the hallucinations it's inducing, I'd say this be one African k*ller bee!
No!
Look out, Babalu!
There's the man, officers.
He's the one who tried to Babalu.
Well, might be a little low for that dive,
which was clearly intended to save the bear's life,
but the artistic impression score should bring our marks up.
The bees gone yet?
Sir, we know Ace. He wouldn't harm a fly.
[GRUNTING]
Hey, sting me now, low life!
Size coming right at ya!
[GRUNTING]
Hmm.
The suspect you want sent our ursine friend here a hive of k*ller bees.
[SPIKE SCREECHES]
[YELLS, SPITS]
-Why you... -[GROWLING]
-[GRUNTING] -[BLOWS LANDING]
Well, Ace, the chief assigned me and Aguado to bodyguard the bear.
[LAUGHING] Oh, really?
Well, I get to ride shotgun on the road trip to Vegas.
No, you don't. You're fired! Good day.
Sorry, Ace.
All righty, then.
Good luck in the big game, champ.
If Aguado gets out of line, two words... Noo-gies!
Enough tom-foolery!
Let's gather some clues, Watson.
Someone's replaced Babalu's lunch
with the considerably less wholesome skull and crossbones substitute.
Let's hope that someone left something for us,
a fingerprint, a follicle of hair.
A driver's license with a home address would be nice, but I'll take what I can get.
That's right, boss monkey-man, it's a scale.
We find the guy wearing snakeskin boots, we find the culprit.
[GRUNTING]
-Here, hold this. -Huh?
[SPIKE CHITTERING]
Well, Spike, no snakeskin boots in these parts.
Huh?
Then again, maybe the perpetrator doesn't wear boots.
Halt!
Pet detective!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
G! Anyone have bingo?
[HOWLING]
Somebody stop that slippery serpent!
[GASPS]
-Coming through! Hope you're decent! -[SQUEALS]
Official business!
Take care now! Bye-bye, then!
Nice job, Kato!
[YELLS]
This could really mess up the hair.
[YELLING]
Oh, no! Oh, no! [YELLING]
[GRUNTS]
Oh, great!
I've just swallowed my nose, and my breath is really bad.
Oh, no! [YELLING]
-[SCREECHES] -[YELLING]
[GROANS] You all right? It's all right.
Congratulations!
You've just been rear-ended by Ace Ventura, pet detective.
How does one get inside a perverted python with m*rder on its mind?
Two words, my main mammalian man. X and ray.
Hmm!
Sock, license plate, light bulb.
Why would a snake eat that stuff, Mandinga?
I don't know, Monavonni.
Maybe he's on that popular new billy goat diet.
But, the real question is why would a snake want to do away with a celebrity bear?
Talk to me, Sam of Spades, PI of the bow-wow set.
Okay, I will, oh, keeper of the radar dish.
I see three possible motives.
One, an out-of-control case of limb envy.
Motive two, jealousy.
The bear gets paid a ton of cash, and all the python ever got was scale.
Motive number three,
the snake never forgot the injustices Goldilocks suffered
at the paws of the three bears.
Uh, Ace.
Not now, I'm postulating.
Post-u-lating! [SNAPPING FINGERS]
What's with him?
On!
Off!
BOTH: A trained python!
And whoever trained him to dance must have also trained him to...
Annihilate. Fill the streets with blood and viscera.
I'd say these guys are a on the sleazometer.
Legendary Las Vegas superstars, Uwe and Roy.
Hmm!
Zoom in on that jacket.
Funny, I don't see you as the sequin type.
They're not sequins.
They're light bulbs...
just like the one here in our python pal's belly.
Right arm, machachu. This won't hurt a bit.
You can keep the sock, buddy. Whoo!
Who's got your gizzard? Tickle, tickle!
What are you going to do with the light bulb?
[GRUNTING]
Light my way to Las Vegas!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
AGUADO: This stinks.
Here I am in Vegas and I'm stuck babysitting a dumb bear.
Shh! You're gonna hurt his feelings.
Oh, like he can understand us.
[GRUNTS]
Yeah, he can.
Well, the lights are on, but is anyone home?
[WHISTLES]
Don't you ever make fun of my apartment again.
Now go, boss monkey-man.
You know your mission.
[SPIKE CHITTERING]
Hello!
[SQUEALS]
Hmm. Spacious yet cozy.
Yes?
Uwe, it's you!
It's really you.
Be still, my b*ating heart.
All my life, I've wanted to be you.
To wear spandex and stick my head down an animal's throat.
May I touch your sequins?
Roy, come here!
Someone remembers us!
Wow!
The Roy of Uwe and Roy.
It doesn't get any better than this.
We don't want to switch our long-distance phone service.
Thank you, kindly.
-[SCREAMING] -[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
I thought I heard a monkey scream.
Ooh, hoop of fire.
When I was a kid, I tried to train my cat to do this trick, just like you.
But poor Fluffy missed her cue and...
And wow, the dancing python!
My favorite!
I love this guy!
Can I meet him? Oh, please! Oh, please!
Monty? You just missed him. He's on tour.
I know his act.
-Presenting Uwe and Roy's Amazing Dancing Snake. -[DRUMROLL]
[INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING]
Your partner's a real pip, but can he do Babalu's juggling bowling ball trick?
Bad bear!
Bad bear! Bad bear! Bad bear! Bad bear!
Gee, I seem to have touched a nerve.
Who are you, really?
Thought you'd never ask.
Ace Ventura, pet detective!
A chance meeting with Babalu at the Furry Oaks Retreat, and a near-death experience
with a certain dancing python reveals one connection, you!
Motive? Revenge. Obviously!
You and your partner were the toast of the Vegas strip.
But the toast got burnt the day Babalu discovered bowling balls
weren't just for juggling.
He started packing them in at bowling alleys across the country,
turning you into washed-up has-beens in a trailer park,
the highlight of which is Luau Night on Tuesdays.
Am I warm yet?
Wow!
Our fan really knows a lot about us.
Yeah, a little too much.
Wait, there's more.
[WHISTLES]
My favorite jacket.
That makes sense, 'cause, you see, your scaly sidekick was packing this.
Can you feel it? Huh? Huh? Yes! Yes!
Where does it come from? I ask you.
I ask you! Hey, nobody asked you.
Fancy sleuthing, Mr. Ventura!
Too bad you ain't going to share your little dance with no one else.
[GRUNTS]
Yes! [GRUNTS]
Yeehaw! Whoo-hoo!
Too bad you have to miss the bowling tournament, partner.
It's going to be a real blast.
Yeah! Especially when we plant that exploding...
Don't tell him. He's nosy.
And you know what we do to nosy people around here, pup?
Give them a nice meal, and cab fare home?
-Close. We peck out their eyes... -[GULPS]
courtesy of Uwe and Roy's trained needle beak ninja storks, patent pending.
And thank you for all your love and support.
Hope to see you... [YELLS]
You don't want these eyes.
They've been soaking in jalapeno oil.
-[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING] -[SPIKE YELLS NERVOUSLY]
Hey, it was worth a sh*t.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
trying for his tenth perfect game in a row and a fortune in prize money,
the champion, Babalu, the bowling bear!
[CROWD CHEERING]
-And Babalu's opponent... Goldie Lockenbocker! -[CROWD BOOING]
Hey, hey, hey! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [LAUGHS]
Oh.
[GRUNTING]
Spike, remember what you learned at the monastery in Tibet?
Yes, your spine is vanishing, your body melting,
melting like butter.
Creamy, smooth, smothered all over barbecued corn.
Butter...
Yes, now think back, but quickly, man!
The second thing you learned in Tibet.
Not that!
[YELLS] Back!
You already did the vanishing spy trick.
[GROWLING]
Yes! Yes! Be one with yourKundalini!
Become the mighty monkey of steel!
[VICTORIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Now let's save us a bowling bear.
[HORNS HONKING]
ANNOUNCER: Let's rock and bowl, baby!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING]
Wow! He's good!
Ah, I could do that.
[UWE HUMMING]
Oh, the smell of backstage!
It smells like back...stage.
Uwe, we have work to do.
And now, a pet trick to end all pet tricks...
-[MUSIC PLAYING] -[HUMMING]
When Babalu's ball hits our nitro-filled pin in the th frame, kaboom!
The unluckiest strike of all.
Yes, then Babalu will see what it is like to pick up the pieces of his shattered life.
Bad bear! Bad bear! Bad bear! Bad bear!
[BOTH LAUGH]
Go get 'em, Monty!
[CROWD CHEERING]
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
Loo-hoo-sers.
How we doing, grease monkey?
[WHIRRING]
One night only, monster trucks on the strip!
Close up your moonroofs. The Acemobile takes no prisoners!
[GRUNTS]
That Goldie's good, champ. Too good!
You have to bowl one more perfect frame to win this. [YELLS]
So that's what's spoiling your concentration!
Babalu, focus!
Be one with the ball.
Be the ball.
[RETCHES]
Park it in the usual spot.
-CROUPIER: Black is a winner. -[SCREECHES]
Ventura, I said you were off this case.
Wayne Newton, front row, and I want you to have them.
Mr. Excitement?
Danke schon!
[GASPS] Tied?
Let's not go into sudden-death overtime.
The b*mb must be in the ball.
No!
These aren't Wayne Newton tickets.
They're a tribute to Wayne.
I hear the gal does a wonderful job.
Now, if you'll excuse me... Oh-ho, that's rich!
Spike, play ball!
Huh?
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
That's gotta hurt!
[CROWD GASPING]
He missed?
He never misses.
No!
Our perfect game, ruined!
Easy spare.
Even a dumb animal can't miss it.
Okay. So the b*mb wasn't in the ball.
So, it must be in the pin!
You can do it! You're tough! You're strong!
You're the best you can be!
Babalu baby, give us a hug!
-[BABALU GRUNTS SOFTLY] -[YELLS] Ow! Ow! Ow!
[CROWD GASPING]
It's that pet detective varmint!
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome our very special guests, the legendary Uwe and Roy!
Soon to be appearing in jail for attempting to blow up Babalu, the Bowling Bear.
-[CROWD GASPING] -They like us.
They really like us. [GASPS]
[BABALU GRUNTS]
Emilio, arrest those guys.
For what, bad fashion sense?
Hey, the day ain't totally down the old flusheroo.
How about bad fashion sense and stealing a bowling trophy full of cash?
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
-[COUPLE YELLING] -Good night!
Hope you enjoyed the show. Whoa!
ACE: Upsy-daisy! Hey!
I hope you've got your license.
-[CAR REVVING] -Whoo!
You are one talented bear.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[YELLING]
Fancy driving there, champ!
-[BONES CRUNCHING] -[GASPS]
EWE: Bad bear, bad bear, bad bear, bad bear!
Take care now! Bye-bye then!
Sure he can bowl, but his Elvis impersonation stinks.
Oh, don't listen to them.
They're just jealous because they're lousy drivers.
Thank you! Thank you very much!
It's too bad old Babalu had to blow his winning streak, but better that than blow up.
Which reminds me,
did you retrieve that nitro-filled bowling pin like I asked you to?
-Spike? -[SCREECHES]
I can't believe that stupid bear couldn't hit one lousy pin.
Well, I think, we can rest easy, knowing Aguado's on the case.
[expl*si*n]
La-hoo-se-her.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]