01x13 - The Day After

[bunniefuu]

Previously on...

Come on, guys.
Don't make fun
of steve,

or his breasts will lactate.

This looks like fun.

Hi, I'm books,
theta delta zeta sage.

We could always use
more cute guys here.

I hear fraternities
tie a brick around your thing,

and then throw the brick
out a window.

Yeah. Right.

The little sisters
are like a sorority
within a fraternity.

You guys have room
for one more?

We just really feel
like you shouldn't
join a fraternity.

Don't tell me
what to do, please.

I say we go save steven.

You're pledged now.
I own your a*s, steve-o.

You don't have
to worry about him.

He's my b*tch now.

Answer the phone, steve.

Grr.

Hello? Yes, sir.
Of course. Ahem!

Good morning, good afternoon,

good evening, sir or madam,

whatever the case may be.

I am but a lowly pledge
of the theta delta zeta
fraternity,

lower than a whale crab,
stinkier than a fart.

Until I make the active list,

in me beats no heart.

Oh, you got to be
kidding me, steve.

A... a car wash? Now, sir?

It's 3:00 in the morning.

No, I'm not complaining,
I just... I was making note
of the time.

Yeah, I'm still hopping.
I'm still hopping.

Yeah, I can get
some car wax. Sure.

Morning.

Morning.

So, this is why you,
uh, joined the frat?

This was in the brochure?

Everything's fine.

Steve, this is insane.

You shouldn't let them
do this to you, man.
It's stupid.

Why don't you call me
stupid again, lloyd?
I love it so much.

It makes me
want to hang out
with you guys so much.

So, this isn't stupid?

What is not stupid
about this? The boobs?

Hey, I'm not gonna
say anything bad
about the frat, ok?

If I was gonna say one thing,

it would be that this
instills brotherhood.

Isn't that right, brother lee?

That's right, brother.

Look, man, you may have
thought we were mean to you,

but we never
locked you to a tree.

Ah, we did bungee him
to his bed that time.

Right. And then we
wouldn't let him go

to go to the bathroom.

Ah!

I'm sorry.

So, what do you think?

Do those girls know
how lucky they are
to have you?

Well, they better.
This is, like, the ninth
poster I've done for them.

My hand is cramping up.

Pizza? 403.

I didn't order pizza.
Did you order pizza?

Just in time.

Oh. Uh,
it's $17.50.

Oh, keep it.

Oh, thanks.

That smells good.
Can we have some?

There's barely enough for me.

That was kind of rude.

Have you noticed anything
different about rachel?

Yeah. You mean,
her being locked
in her room

all the time, eating food?

Yeah.

She's really stressed out.

She caught the freshman 15.

I'm glad I didn't catch it.

Do you think
we should say something?

Yeah. I'd want somebody
to tell me.

Now, a lot of guys
call this hell week,

but to me, it's really
heaven week.

'Cause after this week,
we're brothers for life.

So, you ready to have some fun?

We're ready!
We're ready!

Ok. Let's do it.

Yeah.

Yeah! Ha ha!
Oh, yeah!

Tie it and throw it.

Tie it to what?

Tie it and throw it!

Tie it to what?

Hey, all right!
You guys got
the car clean!

What up!?

Touch the poopoo.
Touch the poopoo.

You like it.
You like it.

Don't act like you don't.

I don't want
to touch it anymore.

Play with my poop!

Hey, thought I said
I wanted this car clean.

Use these. Ah, ah, ah!

Not with your hands.

Oh, look, steven.

Your date has arrived.

What am I supposed
to do with the sheep?

Whoo-whoo-hoo!

What am I supposed
to do with the sheep?!

I am sorry, but you
are such a sl*t!

Whoo...

Oh, you shut up.
You don't know me.

Oh, don't go there.
Honey, you
don't go there.

No, you shut up, girlfriend!

You shut up!
No, you shut up!

Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

Oh, my god, this skit
is gonna be so funny,

and the guys are gonna love it.

And lizzie, as you are
our newest little sister,

I think that you
should play jerry springer.

Well, mary springer.

Oh...Oh...

Thank you, um...

But I kind of don't really want

such a big part in this thing.

Why are we doing it again?

Well, it's just a show,

I mean,
to show appreciation
for our brothers.

We have to be there
for the guys.

All you ever do
is worship these guys.

I mean, it's so silly.

Why don't you guys
just join a sorority?

'Cause the sorority girls
are b*tches.

Maybe you should
join a sorority.

Is that supposed to be
an insult?

Uh, yeah.

You know what? I quit.

I'm not doing some stupid skit

in the hope that
totem pole or books

feels me up later.

Like they would.

Oh, my god,
she's such
a tri-delt.

Look, man, we realize
that when we made fun
of you in the past,

maybe it hurt your feelings,

which led to this whole
fraternity nonsense.

Nonsense?
Nonsense to you, maybe.

So, here's what
we're gonna do here.

We're each gonna
tell you something

about ourselves,

something we've
never told anybody,

and you can use
that information

to make fun of each of us.

All right.

Never tell anyone
about this. Ok?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Laugh, steve.
Laugh it up. It's funny.

It's funny. I did
some male modeling.

Ok, uh, I'll go now.

Every night, right after
ron falls asleep,

I'm, uh, uh...

Do what young men do.

In my bed.

You do it after I go to sleep?

Yeah.

I do it every night
after you go to sleep.

But you're snoring
by the time I'm doing it.

I'm... I'm pretending
to snore so you don't
think that I'm doing it!

God, ron!

So, we're doing it
at the same time?!

Oh, god!

Oh!
That's horrible, ron.

Gosh, man!

Maybe next time you might
want to use this thing.

I actually have one

'cause I thought
that was meg ryan
on the cover.

Why are mid-terms
so hard?

♪ Too much pressure ♪

mmm.

♪ Too much pressure ♪

♪ too much pressure ♪

this is so stupid!

♪ Too much pressure ♪

♪ we wish that
that would stop ♪

oh! I hate this book!

Mmm...Mmm...

Mmm...

Who loves pickles?

We love pickles.

I can't take much more of this.

Dude, you've had
that pickle in your hand
for a half hour.

It's not a lollipop.
Just eat it already.

Shut up, jim.
I've eaten, like,


Guys, can we please
not do this?

We're almost done. Ok?
Let's just get through it.

Hey, dude, they've eaten
a lot of pickles.

I mean, we didn't
have to eat
this many pickles.

I had to eat that many pickles.

Ok? Me. So now
they're gonna eat them.

All right. Simmer down.

Ok.

We're done.

Yes!

Yes! Ohh...

Congratulations, boys.

You know why
the brothers
of theta delta zeta

made you eat that many pickles?

Uh...To instill
brotherhood?

Wrong. It was to make room...

For these pickles!

Oh, god. Oh.

Eat up!

You know what?

No.

I quit.

What?!
You don't quit.

I do quit.

This is stupid.

You guys aren't my friends.

Friends don't do this.

You're right.
Brothers do this.

And I guess you're
not one, so why don't you
get the hell out of here?

You're pathetic!
The other pledges
don't even want you!

No, I quit, too.

Me, too. I'm out!

You quit because he quit?

Kind of, I... I didn't
know I could quit.

You know what? Get the hell
out of here, all of you!

None of you are good enough
to be in this fraternity! Out!

Get out of my sight!
Right now!

I had to do this!
This is nothing!

Adios!

I told you
it was too many pickles.

Now we don't have any pledges.

Why don't you get
some pledges who aren't
wusses, huh?

You ever think of that?

Hey, lizzie...

Hey! How's my favorite
frat guy?

I quit.

Really?

Yeah.

I quit, too!

You did?

Yeah, the little sisters
were total b*tches.

The guys were total b*tches.

That's awesome.

Hey, cheers to quitting.

To quitting.
Hey. Wow.

We're dorm people.
I mean, that's not
such a bad thing.

That's awesome.

See you later, steven.

Tina and I were thinking

maybe we
might be gaining
the freshman 15.

Yeah.

Oh. Well, you guys
look fine to me.

Thanks.

You know what would be fun?

We should all
go on a diet together.

Yes. I have all
the tae bo tapes
at home.

You know,
that billy blanks
is sexy, isn't he?

Wait a second.

Do you guys think
that I'm gaining weight?

No.
No.

Look, you guys,
you're my friends.

I mean, if there's
something I should know,

you should tell me.

We think you might
be gaining weight.

What?!

I can't believe you!

It's ok. You know?
You're just
under stress.

You know?
Food can be
such a comfort.

Yeah? Well, then,
you must be really
comfortable, tina.

Why don't I get you a pillow!

I am not fat!
I am voluptuous.

I got back!

Yeah, well, just
don't back into me!

Ok, nobody here is fat.

Whatever.
Why don't you just

run to your little
sisters, ally mcsqueal?

I quit. Wait,
what does that mean?

Like I'm gonna take
diet advice from
miss anorexia usa!

You did not just go there.

Oh, yeah.

You... you walrus!

I have seen you
puke in the toilet
after dinner!

Ew...

I was cleaning it.
There were drips!

Yeah, vomit drips!

You watch your mouth.

Fatty!

Fat head!

Boney a*s!

Piggy!
Oh!

Ehh!

Oh!

This is gonna be
so much fun.

Guys, I'm so psyched.

Pink flamingo
is supposed
to be awesome.

Yeah, I hear he eats,
like, dog...

just keep walking.

Now, come on.

What the hell was that, man?

That was so creepy.

You know, they're
probably just mad
that I quit.

It's like
an intimidation
thing, I think.

Is it ready?

Let's make it happen.

Oh, my god.
We're gonna die.

You happy now,
steven?! Huh?

You happy now, quitter?

You're in hell!

You're in my hell!

My god, did you hear that, man?

We're in that boglin's hell.

That little guy
scares the crap
out of me, you guys.

Why don't you
fight like a man,
gnome boy?

No, please don't
yell at him. Ok?

They'll k*ll us.
Those guys are,
like, in-sane.

Yeah, man, this is bad.

What are we gonna do?

We're gonna teach these guys

not to start something
they can't finish.

Am I right, steve?

You got us into this!
Am I right, steven?!

Yes! Yes!

We're going back up.

All right.

We got 'em.

Well, at least you can't tell

I peed myself back there.

This is gonna be so awesome.

Ah!

Ooh, yeah!
Ooh, yeah!

Fat? You're hitting me
with fat?

What are you...
what the...

we are the kings of this!

Booh-ya!

Bacon fat!

Bacon fat! Bacon fat!

Hey, guys...

Guys, get up.
Come and look at this.

Hey, guys. Um...

If you're looking
for your stuff,
it's on the lawn.

Somebody put price tags on it.

I bought this for you, though.

Hey! Hey, get off!

Yo, get the hell off
our chesterfield, guys.

Steve, man, what the hell?

Ok. I got an idea.

I got a good idea.

You ready?
Yeah.

Shh.

Heh heh heh!

This is so awesome!

No!

Oh!

Oh, man, they are so dead.

Ah, jeez.

Oh, my god.

Look what they're
doin' to our theta!

Oh, this is wrong.

I can't believe this.
These guys are so dead.

Oh, really?

What?!

Come on.
It's not my fault.

Of course it's your fault!

The pickles! Nobody
can eat that many pickles!

It's impossible.

I ate that many pickles!

Even more pickles
than they did!

What is this obsession
with pickles, man?!

We're a frat!
Who cares?!
We drink beer!

What do you want me to do?

Get it back!

How am I supposed to do that?

I don't care.
Look, the only reason

that you're the sage
of this frat

is because me and a*s hair

decided that we couldn't
do the paperwork.

And if you destroy this frat,

I will destroy you.
So get it back.

All right. All right.

Dude, switch to decaf.

Uh...You need
some help with that?

Oh, no. That's ok.

Are you sure?
I mean, I could help.

I'm surprisingly strong.

Unh! It's ok.
I got it.

Let me carry it.
I can save you
some energy.

Just let me carry it!

Hey, beautiful.

Is this man bothering you?

No, it's fine.

Hey, man.
Step off.

Hey, I was talking to the lady.

Well, now you're talking to me,

and I was talking to the lady.

Oh, my god.

Do you guys actually
think you can hit on me?

I wouldn't hit on you.

I'd love you all night long.

Oh!

I was so in.

You was not in.

I was so in.

I can't believe
you let this happen.

I mean, those guys
were afraid to look me
in the eye before,

and now they think
they can fight over me?

I mean, they are so
not in my league!

Uh, rachel,

some of that's my food.

I'm sorry,
but it all has to go.

And no more baking.

Ok.

We're sorry, too.

Yeah.

Oh, guys...

Let's never eat carbs again.

Yeah.

Don't try anything, uh,
crazy. All right?

'Cause you're being watched.

Can I use the binoculars?

I'm using them.

We want the theta back,

and if you're smart,
you'll give it to us.

Will you stop
trying to k*ll us?

That's a concession
the frat's willing to make.

And will you give us
all our furniture back?

I'll have to clear that
with the elders,

but I think
I can make it happen.

Then we will return the theta.

Thank you.

Thank you, that's...
that's a wise move.

If you eat these.

You're high.

Well, then, no theta.

Come on, man.

Look, 2 years ago,
there was an incident

where I ate so many pickles,

I had to go to the hospital.

Well, boo hoo!

You made us eat pickles,

a lot of pickles.

I'm sorry, man.
It was taint's idea.

I had nothing to do with that.

It was a*s hair.
It was totem pole.
It was all those guys!

I just say it. They
come up with the stuff.

They tell me
that everybody
has to eat the pickles.

I mean,
I wouldn't want anybody
to have to do that.

I swear!
Ok, ok. All right.

Just eat


Fine.

Unh!

That's the signal.
That's the signal!

Fire in the hole!

Ha ha hoo!

Yeah!

Ooh, baby!

Go karp!
Go karp! Yeah!

Karp! Karp! Karp! Karp!

Yeah! I kicked his a*s!
I kicked his a*s!

Theta! Theta!
Theta! Theta! Theta!

did you lose your ball?

Um...Yeah. I did.

Uh, you know, I just hit it,

and it just went on the ground,

and I'm... I'm sorry.

Thank you.