03x19 - The Big Fix Up

[bunniefuu]

[jake] mom, what do you
want for mother's day?

Oh, honey, you don't
have to get me anything.

But I love you, and I want to
get you something really nice.

[Laughs] honey,
that is so sweet.

Oh, I don't know.
Maybe some flowers?

Great. Where's your wallet?

It's up in my bedroom.

Jake, nothin' too
nice. I'm broke.

Put my name on the card!

Hmm, well, what is this?

Why, it's a letter addressed to van and
cheyenne montgomery... From our bank.

Really? What does
your piggy say?

Ah, same thing he always
says: "shut up, kyra."

Oh, my gosh. Ah!
This is so exciting.

We got our first interest
payment on our savings account.

Look, mom. A dollar
and 23 cents. Ooh.

Whoa. I wouldn't have made fun
of you if I'd known you were rich.

You know, opening this savings account
was the smartest thing van and I ever did.

Yeah, you... [Quietly] okay.

- That was very
responsible, cheyenne.
- It was wicked responsible.

And next month, we are gonna
get another payment of a dollar, 23.

And the next month and the next
month. And the next thing you know...

Old jed's a
millionaire. [Laughing]

Well, I better get goin'.
What are you up to?

Well, I'm having dinner
with scott and his parents.

It gives them a chance to stare
awkwardly at me and not talk.

Hey, reba. hey.

Barbra jean has some
great news for you. [Giggles]

- I told her not to. She wouldn't listen.
- What are you talkin' about?

Well, do you remember the other night
when you said your love life was horrible?

- I never said my love life
was horrible.
- Well, believe me. It is.

"Anyhoo," once again, I
have come to your rescue.

Oh, no. Please tell me she's not comin'
to my rescue. She did. She set you up.

[Sighs] oh, lordy, no.

Oh, lordy, yes!

It's the man of your dreams,

The future mr. Reba.

I told her this
was a big mistake.

[Giggles] hello.

[Squeals]

Not that big.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Reba, terry. Terry, reba.

Terry goes to our church.
Reba pretty much stays here.

Yeah, well, church is
tomorrow. Tonight, you and i...

Are gonna worship at
the church of boogie.

[Laughs]

You can't stop him.
He's like a windup toy.

So we gonna just all stand
around, or are we gonna...

♪ Get down, get down
get down ♪ oh, look at that.

- Is there a third option?
- [Laughs]

Well, since we dropped him off, why
don't we leave these two kids alone?

- Whoa-h*-h*, no.
- "Whoa-h*-h*, no," is right.

It's not only the perfect
date. It's a double date.

Barbra jean, can I see you in the
kitchen for just a minute? Yeah.

Ooh!

Your ex-wife is hot. [Chuckles]

You should see her from up here.

So that's my perfect date? I'd
like to see the guys you eliminated.

Look, I know that terry
has his shortcomings.

Not on purpose. Swear.

But you two have a lot in
common. You're both divorced.

Yeah, I was wonderin' where the
other divorced person in the world was.

You're also both smart
and funny and sweet.

He reminds me of you...
In a small man's body.

I don't wanna date me. I'm
with me all the time. My bad.

So it'll just be the one date,
and then we'll just play it by ear.

No. No dates. No
ears. No nothin'.

Reba, we can't
just kick him out.

He's in a very vulnerable place right
now. I think his divorce was very painful.

We know what that's like.

And the pain just
keeps on comin'.

Fine. I'll give him one hour. But these
eight minutes count against it. Yes.

Sometimes, when
I'm really bored,

I go into the "big and tall" store
just to mess with their heads...

Sometimes, when
I'm really bored.

Kinda like now.

All right. Elizabeth is
asleep. Hey, cheyenne.

- Hey.
- Wait. You know her?

Yeah. Uh, van was teaching
him how to play football.

[Chuckles] well,
how'd that go for ya?

Good, good, except
he thought I was g*y.

Get out. Yeah. But it was
all a big misunderstanding.

yeah. and then I thought
he was tryin' to hit on me,

So I called him "mary,"
and blah, blah, blah.

I'm sure you know the drill. Sure, it's
nothing you hadn't experienced before,

Betty. What's that
supposed to mean?

Oh, come on. Handsome guys
like us are labeled all the time.

You got that right,
buddy. Mm-hmm.

- Hey, I got a surprise.
- Oh, me too.

Hi! [Shrieks]

- Terry!
- Did you miss me, mary?

I'm not g*y.

Okay, honey. We know. We
know. We're just kidding.

I know. Ooh, fun.

What's the big surprise
all about? Oh, it's outside.

It's fabulous. Ge...

I mean, it's really cool.

Okay, keep your eyes closed.
We're almost there. Okay.

Do me. You do me. Hey!

What's the surprise?

Ta-da!

What's this? This
is our new car.

Well, it's an old car,
but it's our new old car.

Please tell me you stole
this. No, no. I bought it.

Cheyenne, we've always dreamed of owning
a sports car. You know what that means?

We can stop dreamin'.

Van, you bought it? But we just started
putting money in our savings account.

Right. And what are we savin'
for? To buy stuff we want.

Just think of this
as us skippin' a step.

Wow. A '66 'stang.

Sixty-five. [Chuckles]

I think I know a
little bit about cars,

And this, my friend, is a 1966.

It has a 289, not a 260.

The grille is honeycombed,
not multi-barred,

And I'll bet you money, if you pop that
hood, you're gonna find an alternator,

Not a direct-current generator.

[Honks horn] horn works.

So, all by yourself, you
decided to just buy a car.

Oh, it was magic, cheyenne.

I was on the bus comin'
back from practice, and

I looked out the
window, and I saw this car.

It said, "you don't
belong on a bus, cowboy."

I looked around. There was no
cowboy on the bus. It was talkin' to me!

Really? And while you were
having this conversation...

With your new little friend,
did... Did he bother asking you...

How you can make a decision like
this without talking to your wife first?

I mean, van, how
could you spend...

All of this money without
asking me if it was okay?

Well, cheyenne, I don't
need to ask your permission.

[Chuckles]

I'm gonna miss you, mary.

Cheyenne, I'm sorry I bought
the car. I feel horrible...

Till I get behind the wheel and
hit the gas. [Imitating tires screeching]

He bought a car?

Yeah... A mustang from 1960-ish.

Boy, I'm glad y'all are
back. For a while there,

I thought I was on
a date with betty.

Mmm, he just calls me that
'cause he thinks I'm handsome.

Oh.

Well, you can't
actually call this a date,

Because we're not goin'
out. [Quietly] yeah. Right.

But as long as you're here, I guess we
can spend the next 52 minutes together.

He shoots. He scores.

He dreams.

So, terry, tell me a
little bit about yourself.

Well, what can I say, darlin'?
I'm a tomcat on the prowl.

[Hisses]

Really. And that pays well?

See, this is what
I was hopin' for.

You could run a waffle iron on
the electricity in this room. [Laughs]

Boy, maybe should go tell the kids
they're about to get a new stepdaddy.

Honey, shh. Let
reba and terry talk.

Well, I'm not all talk. Huh.

Oh, I could use a waffle
iron about right now.

I've been workin' in a dental
office for the last year.

Really? That is
just fascinatin'.

Well, it's really not all that fascinating.
Well, it is the way you tell it.

Here, let me get you a coaster.

There ya go.

You do realize that these are
my legs and those are your legs.

Yeah, but my legs
don't turn me on.

[Yelps] ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ah, yeah. Whoo-hoo.
This has been fun.

My gosh. That hour has just
gone by just like that. [Laughs]

- What are you doin', reba?
- [Sighs] I can't do this.

I'm sorry, terry, but I'm not
interested in you romantically.

I'm just not. I'm sorry.

Oh, this is so awkward.
It's all my fault.

- I came on too strong.
- No, no.

- Yes, yes.
- Bye-bye.

I-i'm... I'm so ashamed.

Thi-this isn't me.

- It's not?
- No.

My wife dumped me for
a guy that acts like this.

- I thought that's
what women want.
- Oh.

I've been actin' like a
pig, reba. I... I apologize.

Oh, that's okay. Sorry
to hear about your wife.

- Oh, I got dumped for
some big, blond goofball.
- Hey, me too.

Really? Oh-h*, man, the
stories I could tell you.

We've already heard
those stories, reba.

No, no, no. I wanna... I wanna
hear how you got through this.

Hey, uh, what's the worst
thing your ex ever did?

Would you settle
for the top three?

Well, I think we've made reba uncomfortable
enough for one night. We should go.

What, and wreck
our fun? Park it.

yeah. It's the least you could do
for leavin' this peach of a woman.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. Do
you hear that, brock?

Terry here thinks I'm a peach.

You know, I prefer to
focus on the positive.

You get the bed all to yourself.
You don't have to share a closet,

And the best part of it is,
they just ain't there. [Both laugh]

Gosh, you make it
sound so good. [Chuckles]

I can't wait till
I get divorced.

Barbra jean... I'm
just tryin' to fit in.

Don't wreck this
for me. Oh, my god.

Do you know that
when my ex-wife left me,

She said she wanted to go
find herself. [barbra jean scoffs]

I didn't have the heart to tell her
she ain't worth lookin' for. Ha! Yeah.

Oh, boy! It feels
good to let loose.

I jazzercise. [Laughs]

Can you believe
they ran off to spain?

Their note said they
were never comin' back.

You know, I bet you
guys would love europe.

[Terry laughing] oh, uh,
speaking of europe,

Brock recently quit his dental
practice to pursue other interests.

Wha... Yeah, why don't
we talk about that?

- What are you gonna do?
- Uh, play golf... Pro golf.

Mmm. Yeah. I was talkin'
to a young man down

The street. He was
doin' a similar thing.

- Oh, yeah? How's that?
- Well, he wanted to be
a baseball player,

But now he wants to
be a spaceman. [Both laugh]

[Laughing loudly] mmm.

Who wants scotch? Yes.

He probably drinks to get rid of
the guilt of leavin' you for this one.

[Cackling]

[Inhales] ya little hobbit.

You know, I think...

If I hit him really hard
on top of his head once,

I could drive him all
the way into the ground.

What's up? Ah, nothin'.

I just eat whenever cheyenne
gets mad at me. Whoa, pal.

That's a bad habit to get into.

[Quietly] yeah.

I just don't see
what the big deal is.

It's a cool car. I got a great deal.
I even had a mechanic check it out.

I did everything right
except check with her first.

You did nothing right. I was
buyin' a belt the other day.

I called barbra jean and reba.

Well, I make the money.

I shouldn't have to check with
my wife every time I wanna spend it.

I mean, it just doesn't seem
fair. Look, van. Brace yourself,

But once you're married,
it's not just your money.

But the check
was made out to me.

Yeah, and when cheyenne becomes a
dentist, the check will be made out to her,

But the money will
belong to both of you.

And then she'll have to check
with me before she spends it? No.

I hate this. We... We never
used to fight about money.

Well, that's because you never
had any. And now that you do,

You gotta figure out
some system to deal with it.

System? Really? What's
yours? I... Hide the checkbook.

So do you think I should get rid
of the car? Well, if it were me, I'd...

I'd offer to sell it and then
pretend that nobody wanted to buy it.

Ah-ah-ah. But... That's probably
why I ended up divorced.

Well, I see it is still
out in the driveway.

Look, cheyenne,
honey, I don't... I don't...

I don't wanna fight about... Who
was right and you were wrong. Um,

Now that we have money, we need to figure
out some sort of system to deal with it.

Okay, how about this? Since I'm the
one that buys everything for the family,

I should be in
charge of the money.

Well, you're not in charge of
buying everything. Okay, van.

What size shoe does
elizabeth wear? [Scoffs]

It's, like, small.

Ha! Well, you know
what? That's not fair.

What size shoe
do I wear? Twelve.

Well, yeah. You're
right. But they're snug.

Look, cheyenne, I don't
want to have to come

To you every time I
want to spend money.

I'm an impulse buyer. I
won't get to buy anything.

Fine. Okay, how about this?

Each of us can spend up to a hundred
dollars without asking the other person.

Anything over that
we have to agree upon.

Good. Okay.

My car will count
as the first 17 times.

- Van.
- But come on, cheyenne.

I really want to keep it. But I really want
to put money into our savings account.

Yeah, but a savings account
doesn't go "vroom, vroom."

Yeah, but it does
go, "you're safe."

Is that what this is about? Yes.

Ever since I got pregnant,
things have felt so out of control.

You know, if it hadn't been for my mom,
I don't know what we would have done.

And now when... When
I look at our savings

Account, it's like I know
that we're gonna be okay.

I... I have not felt that
way in a really long time.

Oh, cheyenne.

Okay. The next paycheck I
get goes straight to the bank.

Really? Yes.

Okay. Minus the car payment?

[Short gasp]

Well, I guess I should ride in
it before I make my decision.

Yes! We're keepin' it! Oh.

Man, life was so much
simpler when we were poor.

Oh, yeah. Your mom has
no idea how lucky she is.

And then the next thing
you know, she's havin' his baby.

[Laughs] that's a true story.

Barbra jean? You didn't
tell me any of this. Whoo!

The tongues are gonna be
waggin' in church on sunday.

Uh, goody. [Chuckles]

Yeah, I might not be there.

Well, look at
that. It's already...

Heh. Well, I don't
have a watch on,

But my wrist hairs are standin'
up, which means it's time to go.

Thanks, reba. Oh, and,
uh, you're out of scotch.

All right. All right. All
right, terry. Come on.

Come on. It's time to go.
No, I wan... I wanna stay.

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no. No. No. No.

No. I really think... I really
think that we should go.

- I'm having a good ti...
- I will shove you in my purse!

Barbra jean, can I talk to you
outside for a second? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Get your shoes on.

Barbra jean, why are
you so tense? I thought

You wanted terry
and me to get along.

Yeah, but not to be,
like, best friends. [Scoffs]

I mean, you never sit around with
me and joke about your divorce.

Yeah, but we joke about a lotta
other things, like that guy you married.

What I mean is,

You've opened up to terry
more in the past hour...

Than you have with me in
our entire relationship.

Just made me realize that we'll
never be as close as I hoped.

Yeah, well...

We will never be
great friends, will we?

Oh, not if you keep
whinin' about it.

Look, I don't know what's
gonna happen to us,

But I do know that
I used to hate you.

Now you only kinda bug me. Yes?

Who knows? Two years from now, I
might not hide every time you come over.

But am I special to you?

Special? [Quietly] uh-huh.

Well, let's put it this way.

There are a lot of divorced
people that I could joke around with,

But you are the only person
who can be the "other woman."

Oh.

Well that is somethin' I
gotta write in my reba journal.

- I got my shoes on.
- Git in the car.

[Whispers] good night,
reba. Good night, terry.

You know, you and I have a really
weird relationship, don't we?

Well, I could use that waffle
iron right about now. Yeah.

acme! [Coughing]