01x05 - Drunks

[bunniefuu]

please dear for the duration of the beer

beella call me Wing Commander Wing

Commander I'm amazed brother Rocco

hasn't ruined your party yet well we

decided to put brother Roco where he

could do the least harm hello ladies how

about some beer well perhaps sex I got

my beer goggles on I bet I look good

sex now

no that's doing the least damage

[Music]

observe

Rocco

Rocco wake up

Rocco what the hell are you what the

hell are

you

come and talk to me on my computer

screen the best years of Our Lives

aren't as easy as they seem to get the

girl and make the great it's all a show

it's all a game and I would lose it if I

play but anyway you go out on Friday

night I'll stay in but that's all right

now you found let come

[Music]

my what are you

I'm Bobby whiskey Rocco and if you hang

with me you'll become funnier smarter

and more handsomer not that you need it

damn you're awesome that's the nicest

thing a beer and de to Lu naations ever

said to me let us be Chums oh

yeah so Friday night you want to do

something c yeah guy well what do you

want to do I don't know what do you want

to do guy well what do you want to do

don't know what do you want to do

guy we got to get that clock

fixed citizens I bring exciting

news I like Star Wars a lot hooray this

is news exciting news I was going over

the transcripts of our last few

conversations and I haven't explicitly

mentioned that in a while I'll alert the

media gracius well I got to get ready

for tonight's discussion Stormtroopers

bad eyesight or lousy aim

Jesse can we help you crime of the

century boyos I have secured and snuck

past security the means to make this a

k*ller Friday night snap's party in my

room who's ready uh I don't drink why

not because it's fun I suppose that

makes me uncool right no you pretty much

had uncool wrapped up Cal drinking maybe

later Jesse lady guy I'm working on some

[ __ ] and shading it's called bunny love

[Music]

later

boys though I'm disgusted by her Brazen

display of alcoholic drinkery she's got

spunk nits give me a hair and fingernail

sample of hers for research you

understand over and out I told you Jesse

I don't

drink hello hey Kimmy hi Cal I just

wanted to remind you and I thought I'd

stop by because phones and emails are so

impersonal and I really want to try to

work on my interpersonal

relationships what was I talking about

bunny tennis right we're all getting

together at the sunset tonight after

rehearsal to hang out hey nits you

should come too if you're not doing

anything anyways you guys should get

there around 10 hang out loosen up I'll

be there great nits oh I'm uh late for

my punctuality seminar see you guys

tonight Kimmy invited me out we're

practically going on a date it's like a

date guy only without privacy romance or

sex or battery operated is there any way

you could shut up oh guy let's not

fight

cal It's a bar why didn't you tell me

how am I going to get in I'm not 21 ah

easy guy just follow my

lead hey lady can I go in do you have ID

I do but it's in Spain good enough cutie

have a nice

night see you later

vs good evening may I drink in your

establishment of drinking yes

[Music]

crap it's uh don't break the seal night

right y drink for free until you got a

hose then you got to

pay

yeah the giant imaginary bottle of

whisky's with

me excuse me I'm extremely drunk and

very impressed by your non urinating

ways what's your secret I couldn't

possibly tell tell her your secret tell

the world okay you want to know my

secret you see folks I'm wearing an

adult diaper love

[Music]

me

Mark you're the best I can't believe

some girl hasn't snatched you up well

Kimmy they'd have to talk to my friend

Lance first why is he looking for a

girlfriend

too oh come here you big

silly oh I haven't seen you guys since

this afternoon I've missed you so

[Music]

much she's a drunken hug fiend and I

can't do anything but watch please stop

talking to yourself you're scaring

me I am

electric

Jesus hey honey I know we broke up in

senior year and I know I've already

called you 10 times tonight but I wanted

to tell you you're a little pudding pop

that I want to suck on all day color

back remember at the bar last night when

all those songs from Grace were on the T

box and we all sang along no Cal I

couldn't get into the bar I thought you

were there guy cuz Kimmy kept asking

where's nits ah anyway I can hardly wait

for all of us to go back tonight H sup

fellas Jesse you look like hell love you

too snobs sweet Going Down Rotten coming

up so heard you went to a bar nope I

couldn't get in did you have a fake a

fake what a fake mustache a fake ID

Einstein like

this Sylvia Rabinowitz the Kung Fu Jew

so how did you get one of these I just

got to find a kid with a powerful

computer and no

life and this is an action figure of

Luke Skywalker's Aero see she's got a

picture to pour a young Jedi refreshing

space drinks speaking of refreshing

space drinks you wouldn't happen to be

able to make me a fake

ID see I need to get into this bar good

you've decided not to overreact

why just because You' decided to throw

caution not to mention your liver to the

wind and suck the nicotine filled air of

some local Gin Mill what's next Mr Fear

and Loathing in nits Vegas opium dens

Raves Star Trek conventions [ __ ] look I

know how you feel but Kimmy's going to

be there tonight and please what's the

worst that can

[Music]

happen Bobby is that you [ __ ] shut up

I'm going to make you my

[ __ ] oh

stinky gimpy how can I thank you just

remember with great power comes great

responsibility Spider-Man well I got to

go prepare for battle if you don't hear

from me this time tomorrow I'll alert

the media see

you well that's

that hey you the dude that makes the

fake IDs sure sweet this is the

dude check it out guys the perfect fake

ID that's great Mr solo it says you're

25 you barely look 15 whatever I'll be

able to get into a bar tonight and get

my hug from Kimmy it's all locking in

but what are you going to drink guy you

don't drink alcohol soda or water you

don't have to drink booze to be at a bar

yeah you do they check if if you're not

drinking you're out of there right Cal

sure he's got a point n you just can't

walk into a bar and Order milk they're

going to know you're not supposed to be

there bartenders can smell

[Applause]

fear so I gave her the five bucks and I

told her she

could must find cure for broken bod stin

an acid uh chocolate laive beef and

turkey jerky and uh children's

[Music]

aspirin Bobby whiskey I am revoking you

in front of God and everybody from this

moment on I shall never drink

again oh

Raco why H have Thou forsaken

me oh no come on now laddy let's be

getting you some pants that's a good

boy damn it could Connecticut be any

harder to spell

yes I need to go in for

D sir your clients are getting restless

throw them the bread but it's almost

time for our discussion salon on Queen

amadala versus Princess Leia throw them

the bread yes sir

c o n n i help he'll just be from

Mississippi hello life of sobriety

starting

now I

can't want to drink

Thea

hey Rocco want to get in the no for the

hey hey

Whoopi try this one guy it's gin and

milk well here's a favorite of mine

apple wine cooler and coffee

lure oh man I feel sick and Guy when you

buy the drinks tip twice what it cost so

if the drink's three bucks you tip seven

math hold it and remember beer before

liquor get drunk quicker liquor before

beer you like Pam Greer you have no idea

what you're talking about do you nope

later guy I got to have my late

afternoon

sex Rocco I'm so glad you're here n I'm

so glad I'm here because I need you to

teach me how to drink drink huh what did

you say I'm never drinking again oh

really I'm never drinking

again I'm never drinking

again mommy I freaking mean it this time

I'm through with drinking so I'm

definitely not going to teach you how to

start Rocco one thing has nothing to do

with the other I just want to go to this

bar tonight and not look like a jerk in

front of Kimmy she does have a nice a*s

no well if you teach me how to drink I

can teach you how to not to drink oh

skid Ro bro come again like in Silence

of the Lambs I tell you something you

tell me something skidrow bro that's

quid pro quo shut up I am sorry I cannot

accept your Brandy I have given it up

for Lent very good let's try another

one no thank you I am allergic to all

manners of Jin perfect quid proquo huh

uh skid Ro bro oh now just because

you've got the ID doesn't automatically

mean you're going to get in the bar show

me your ID can I come in no you need to

have attitude when you show that ask me

for my ID okay can I see

your now you let me see that

ID we'll work on that later skido bro a

hell I'm sick enough as it is what was

that crap that was orange juice let's

try you drink this stuff what the hell

is it water water skid Ro bro the thing

is there's other stuff to do in a bar

besides drink or that's what I've heard

like what you know pinball darts pool

quarters what's quarters it's Quarters

here look you just it's pretty

easy it's a stupid

game like that do that

again damn I think I'm getting a hang of

this I'm going to be like you in no time

H almost perfect but that signature

looks inauthentic well I'll just work on

it for another 8 hours that should do it

sir this madness must stop your men need

you I need you who will lead us on our

amusing cyber escapades who will remind

us to use the force who who Damn it m I

have a calling now this is bigger than

you or me I am creating works of beauty

you're making fake ideas that allow

under ra kids to buy lemon flavored gin

be gone I am creating art God is talking

to me through my fake IDs sir I have no

choice but to Tender my resignation as

your Lackey good day sir I can always

use another

signature well I'm out of here thanks

for everything maybe when you get over

this whole not drinking thing we can go

out and knock a couple back yeah that'd

be great later later good old sober nits

now now he's going to be a

drinker just like

[Music]

me hey guy I guess your fake ID Works

where you use a fake ID fake ID using

guy good one Cal shut up shut up ah go

get a drink guy National the free clinic

Green

[Music]

Peace

what will it

be uh vodka and

[Music]

Scotch that'll be 10 bucks tough

guy thanks

nits we missed you last night

nits uh Hey Kimmy pinball rematch

sure

good to see you too

buddy Sober Sober

[Applause]

Sober

Sober Mr Rocco here's that giant bottle

of Scotch the president wanted you to

drink

sober Rocco you have to drink this giant

team here I'll be eaten by

Wolves

sober

soba nits how did you end up like this

it was you Rocco okay I learned it from

you box

run I do not need you anymore

I will take the one they call nits no I

got have save nits here you go sir

you'll find it perfect down to every

Last Detail it's taken the last 6 hours

to get the secret hologram of Warren G

Harding but there it is

hey wait don't you even want to look at

it this work of art this thing of beauty

that Jasper Johns I just want a fifth of

lemon flavored gin my God please don't

you people care I've given my life for

these my very heart soul my life Essence

goes into these IDs do any of you care

huh

anyone uh can you make my name be C more

butts get out all of you speak

on so then my movement teacher says that

if I can't juggle I can't be an actress

it's so disheartening he's just trying

to scare you Kimmy you can't let it get

to you you're so so probably right Mark

cheers drink drink drink drink drink

drink drink

drink

drink get a grip no one cares if I drink

or not what did I say about talking to

yourself hey hey this bar is for

drinking customers only get out hey guy

are you going to drink your drink or

what

[Music]

uh how' you do that guy what uh anyone

up for quarters quarters are shiny I

haven't played since freshman year

[Applause]

sure

huzzah

okay

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

guy

shiny jeez nits we have a 9:00 a.m.

rehearsal so we got to split but we're

here every weekend we sure are you

should hang out with us more often I had

no idea you were so much fun thanks

Kimmy

I oh sorry guy I forgot we weren't

playing any

anymore oh

[Music]

[Music]

no I did it for Bobby

[Music]

huh hey

Accord nits I'm sorry some weird guy

drank your drink that's so lame oh it's

okay I don't drink come here you poor

thirsty

boy bye nits later

[Music]

nits look guy Roco drank your drink

aren't you pissed I could care less Cal

I don't drink that's so courageous guy

I'm not going to drink either really no

I'm going to have an Alabama Slammer guy

drink

it uh sir are you out of the ID

business yes well what are you going to

do take a note mom it would be an honor

sir inviting all to join our discussion

salon on whether Yoda sounded more like

Rover or Miss

Piggy so it sounds like the bar was a

success I made it through the whole

night without drinking a drop and next

week I'm going to do it again excellent

hey you said Rocko was there too yeah

but he left really quickly I wonder

where he ended

up good night Bobby good night

bro together will always

stay cuz I wouldn't have

it other

[Music]

way we've been through Stormy

Weather but I love grows with each

passing day that I wouldn't have it and

any other

[Music]

way