01x04 - New Friends

[bunniefuu]

sure we got a fix on the code

acknowledged read five go in I'm on it

red leader

abort abort

fine man

what the hell were you guys doing

hacking into the Ben & Jerry's mainframe

and changing Captain Kirk crunch -

chocolate chip Chewbacca all right your

pal has a severe case of carpal tunnel

syndrome it's gonna be okay but all

right boys back to work her butt lump

gets hurt every week

but anyway

hey mom yeah first birthday away from

home I bet the guys got something

planned though no I'm not selling drugs

love you in it's me and the guys from

screenwriting class gonna go sh**t some

pool down at the Union yen sorry Jesse

can't with my friends from high school

tonight

do I really talk like that yep later

hey Rocco its knits so what are we up to

tonight Rocco you okay yeah this is

Fight Club 22 times I started my own

group which I call frog food want to

join you can be member number two number

two that's a funny you can Cal yeah you

know today is my big day hey guy Cal I

can't see you I'm on the phone

communication yeah hang it up how can I

have been so callous

love give me a tissue doctor what will I

do without you sweet did I call it a bad

time I remember when I met the little

round guy the first week of school

you must be gimpy I mention mumps you're

late for spuds I mean number ones

meeting ensign number one is that a

tricorder excuse me I have a question

does not the prime directive clearly

state they will not tamper with affect

the progress of or force your beliefs on

any cultures you come in contact with

aren't you precocious continue so by

telling these men to follow the prime

directive you are disobeying that same

prime directive well I

how did you do that Jedi mind trick

gather round lump and friends let me

tell you about the force damn finger oil

on my computer monitor mum give me my

what do you want apparently nothing look

into the light Krueger what Bob is

trying to do with overlapping audio in

Nashville mash into a lesser extended

shortcuts is Brody

when did Robert Altman become Bob before

or after he your mother

Sohn it's what are you and your buddies

up to this evening

nothing I guess hey Sonny you're the

best a bite hmm I didn't know it was

your birthday hey let me guess

sweet 16 yeah a month but you kick your

mom doesn't even know your name Dan

that's not funny yeah it is

and in light of the recent reckless and

negligent actions of one Justin gimpy

Caleb's mom I say we elect a new number

one would you propose take over as our

leader I nominate myself

all in favor saying do absolutely

nothing

good motion settled by happy birthday

Sean

mom empty this ah fine I'll do it myself

no even a sound effects of Star Trek

where's your Yoda now King hey

birthday boy

me and the guys you have your cake hey

everyone I'm Rob Brody

sorry we were jerks back at the

cafeteria but it was funny we were gonna

eat your cake

Sean's cake whatever we just thought you

might want some too even though it's not

one of them cookie puss is either whale

thanks I think

come on in why don't you tell us it was

your birthday I don't know I guess in

high school I never had to tell anyone

my friends just knew well you're not in

high school jackass yeah I guess I'm not

hey can I hang with you guys tonight

right and can I get a piece of cake to

you search our ex-leaders living

quarters were all Star Wars contraband

get your bloody meat hooks off my escape

from the desk their board game and my

million Public Bank my papa and

light of all your serious offenses you

will be punished severely are you gonna

freeze me in carbonite no cry his eyes

open

going to make you watch every episode of

Star Trek Deep Space nine

it's fine

I challenge you for the leader crown

just like Captain Kirk in that Klingon

did in that one episode ah episode 78

this savage curtain I know it well

that's the one where Kirk and Abraham

Lincoln doesn't make up your mind you

guys seem to think we line yet of course

that was there opening night and you

heard it from Rob Brody first it has

Oscar written all over it the Oscars

what about units you see in it and my

stripes are solid Kruger oh snap I'm the

winner

so with this how you hang out with your

high school friends just sit around and

stare only on stared a good one we have

signs of life look I haven't really made

any new friends since the fifth grade

relax these guys are easy to get to know

Brody is always full of crap dreamworks

is interested Kruger has one response

Dreamworks dan just laughs

Jesse and I got next

all right gifting I accept your duel

releasing choose your weapon on the

field of honor broadsword

what's a revolvers or karaoke duel

gentlemen I have it wait but it will be

a team deathmatch mum men gather round

but damn no fair

how will I rally at speed I'm the number

one now so I make the rules

me mr. Cheung now fast festival that was

gonna be dope but this week there's day

italian neorealists directors next week

a retrospective of roger corman this

kicks a*s back where I'm from there's

one movie theater and it just got

runaway bride it's like why ever go back

home no actions all people and all those

immature snots we went to high school

I know I mean it's time to head over to

the book reading later hmm

what dud and crawled up his a*s maybe he

borrowed my journal I am your videogames

real instructor from now on you will

speak only when spoken to the first and

last words out of your filthy sewers

will be sir now sound off like you got a

pair if you survived basic training you

will be Digital weapons of death

ministers of pixelated mayhem megabytes

of mutilation your joystick hook mm as I

was saying your joystick is there

something funny about your joystick

primate Rocko your joystick must be

harnessed as an instrument of digital

devastation you must master your

joystick as a fisherman masters bait

private cow get a move on what is your

major malfunction

we have a button he wants James and a

rancor pit against spud his team of

crack gamers we need this hey hey gimpy

I've come to taunt you one last time for

dramatic purposes

captain's log it started three seven

nine point eight tomorrow kick give

these a*s

want me to show that captain's log back

up his butt hurry beam us out of here

number one sir we haven't gotten that

working yet I'm sure there is another

they've all turned against me do you

guys know you missed my birthday it was

yesterday

sorry dude I really really cow Joan it's

captain joystick okay guy me my joystick

I'm captain joystick it's your birthday

present which we're gonna give you at

your party tomorrow night no guys it's

my joystick I'm using it tomorrow night

oh wait I see what you're doing your

chicken knits

I don't think that's a call for a guy I

don't know it's this kind of dump

sometimes maybe he'll fall for it I'm

logging off now wait okay we messed up

but you can't screw us we're still your

friends where's Rocco Cowan Jim P I

thought I heard their voices they're

dead but I saw Cal earlier in the day

yeah he just died whatever anyway me and

the guys would like to take you out

tomorrow night

great I don't have any other plans for

tomorrow night

Lock and Load rats from here on in we're

using our video game code names now stay

close and then stay close to me in the

game Cal Gore okay

hey God I think you shot me these fire

doctor k*lled by death 87 one more shot

hey we're dead bazooka thing go idiot

you're out of a*mo haha sweet a*s it

looks like I'm jerking my gherkin it

doesn't look like anything is showing

tonight how about the thick blue line my

buddy at Sundance secured me the real

Sundance Robert Redford you said you

hadn't seen it before think of it as a

belated birthday present

Wow guys thanks but I go through all the

trouble for me cuz we're your friends

dumbass

million years long it doesn't make any

sense at all but the real genius of the

flake is the cinematography and

production design my good friend his

buddies with the guy who was best boy on

this and he said shut your call Brody

verdant jungle so alive with life but

scorched with the blood and lies in a

poem

once fubar stand for 11 Bravo three more

klicks to the DMV these are the best

bunch of grunts I've ever served with I

take a b*llet for any one of them how

did I get here

Who am I what's the meaning of life at

least I've got my friends by my side

I'm sure the click doesn't need my help

then we can sure you snitches help

bang back off major Bludd I'll take them

down you want a piece of meat look

you can see the boom shadow and in this

scene that guy has his watch on but look

now he does it

you see continuity ere cut new tiara

number one number one I watch the movie

good

for me that's what buddies do for each

other man that's what buddies do for

each other man that's what buddies do

for each other man stop the movie

I can't stay I really do like hanging

out with you guys but I've got to go

help my immature high school friends win

a silly game of quake sorry I ruined the

movie does anyone have a fire

extinguisher

look I have you now I'm gonna suck your

eyeballs out then I'm gonna sculpt you

mother stop

fascist

you're all clear kid now let's blow this

thing and go home

so this is how you and your buddy spend

every Saturday night my friends are not

always this nerdy don't worry it's kind

of cool in a nerdy dorky loser I'm never

gonna have sex sort of way

mom you're alive and shiny of course I'm

alive sir I only had carpal tunnel

syndrome so what did I miss

oh let's see the end of existence as we

know it balance was restored to the

force and I got to level night on quake

you