02x14 - Seeing Red

[bunniefuu]

Hey, we should put our
handprints in that before it sets.

I'm trying to get
back in football shape,

And this is a high-protein
breakfast food...

That's supposed to
feed my body and my mind.

it's just an expression.
Don't make fun of me.

Oh. I guess you
started without me.

Oh, sorry. Want
some of my diet food?

What's that supposed
to mean? Nothin'.

But, you know, since
I'm gettin' in shape for

Football, it'd be cool
if we did it together.

What are you doing? Are
you measuring my waist?

What? No. Why would you say that?
I barely got my arms around you.

What? I meant I barely
got my arms around you...

Before you pushed me away.

Well, I am sorry if I had a
baby, and I'm wrecked forever.

But you... You're not
exactly mr. Perfect either.

Okay? So, why don't you take care
of yourself, you big tub of goo?

- What's that all about?
- Van called cheyenne fat.

Van. I did not.

All I did was ask her if she
wanted to go on the diet with me.

And I didn't even mean just her. I
think the whole family should try it.

What's that supposed to mean?

Yeah, van. What's that
supposed to mean?

We need more boys in this house.

He is so wrong. You
know what we do need?

- Cell phones.
- Kyra, you are not gettin'
a cell phone.

- Why not?
- 'Cause you're 13,

You don't need one,
they're too expensive,

Kids with cell phones are
obnoxious, and life is not fair.

That about wraps it up.

Dad said it's okay. And barbra
jean thinks it's a good idea.

Whoa. You are out of arguments
since you're quotin' barbra jean.

I hate it here.

Me too. Who should
we call about that?

[Stamping feet]

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Hi, mom. Hey, jake. How you
doing? How was school?

Timmy logan got hit in the
face with a ball. It was great.

Jake. It's not funny
when somebody gets hurt.

Oh, you mean timmy logan, the
bully that ripped your sweater?

Yep. Ha, ha!

Hope it was a basketball.

I also got homework.

I'm supposed to interview
someone I admire for class.

Oh. All righty then.

I'm ready.

I was born in
mcalester, oklahoma.

The year's not important, okay?

And... No.

Mom, I want to interview kyra.

Kyra? Kyra, your sister?

- that kyra?
- hey, kyra.

Can I interview you? Buzz off.

Maybe I'll interview cheyenne.

- So, how are you?
- Mmm.

Guess what. Jake's gonna be over at your
dad's tonight, so it's just you and me.

I said, "mmm."

Oh, come on. Let's
go to that '50s diner...

Where all the waitresses
are in their 50s. [Laughs]

Ha, ha.

Kyra, are you still angry
about the cell phone?

You can't get mad at me
every time I tell you no.

- Sure I can.
- There's gotta be a way
for you and me to get along.

I mean, I'm tired of constantly
fighting over the little things.

Well, what do you want me to
do, mom? Pretend I'm all happy?

Attagirl. Let's try that.

I'll call the
restaurant. Forget it.

I'd rather eat dirt.

I can see why you want
to spend time with her.

Give me a glimmer of hope.

Please remind me that
you hated my guts once too.

You bet I did.

And I pulled away
too. But I came back.

Yeah, because you had a baby.

I might not get
that lucky with kyra.

[Knocking] oh,
good. You're here.

Listen, I need your
help with barbra jean.

Brock, I'm having a hard day here.
I don't have time to deal with her.

Look, when she comes in, you've
gotta tell her she looks terrible.

Okay. I could use a pick-me-up.

Mom, no. Whatever happened to...

"If you can't say something
nice, don't say anything at all"?

Whoa.

- What is it?
- Well, I've just never seen...

I mean, you just... Dang,
I wish I had my camera.

You know, she's been
like this all week.

She hasn't washed her hair.
She hasn't put on any makeup.

She hasn't even opened that
big toolbox she keeps it all in.

What does it matter? Henry's
the only one I see all day.

He doesn't care if I
look like sasquatch.

that's who you look like!

Remember when you
were a kid? There was that

House you were
always afraid to walk by.

Yeah. We're that house now.

Look, barbra jean. A
lot of new mothers...

Go through what
you're going through.

I did.

I just didn't throw in
the towel on hygiene.

In fact, I treated myself to a day at
the spa while brock watched the kids.

- I could do that.
- Yeah.

- I could get a makeover.
- Oh, honey. That's a great idea.

I'll take care of henry,
and you go clean up.

uh, you know, pretty up.

Whatever. Just... Just get up.

Oh, reba. This is so excitin'.
Do you wanna come with me?

[Laughs] you mean,
hang out with you...

And go get our hair and nails
done and do all that girl talk thing?

Yeah! No.

Oh. Okay. Well, then, how about cheyenne?
Maybe she'd like to get a makeover.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No way.

Cheyenne's real sensitive about
the way she looks right now.

And I don't know why because
she's perfect the way she is! [Laughs]

- Well, what about kyra?
- I don't suggest
asking kyra anything.

Ask me what? Kyra, you
wanna get a makeover with me?

Did you already get one?

- No.
- Sure. Why not?

Great. Then maybe afterwards
we can grab some dinner.

Yeah. I know this great place. It's
right next to a cell phone store.

- Kyra.
- I don't think cell phones
are a good idea for kids.

what? That's not
what you said before.

I changed my mind.
People with cell phones

Are always ignoring
the people they're with.

think of your friends who have them.
Don't you find them a little annoying?

Yeah. I guess you're
right. Okay. Let's go.

I don't believe it. You said no,
and there was no argument.

Well, of course not. Who could
argue with that sweet child?

Sweet?

Hey, honey. What are you doin'?

Me? Me? Nothin'.

Why would I be doing anything?
Doing things is for jerks.

Look. Honey, I came
here to apologize.

I was being overly
sensitive this morning,

And I was feeling bad, and I
took it out on you, and I'm sorry.

Oh, that's okay.

I know you feel bad
about yourself sometimes.

What? Nothing. Let's just hug.

Why would I feel bad
about myself, van?

You shouldn't. And that's exactly
what I told everyone earlier.

Everybody thinks that I
should feel bad about myself?

They think you should,
like, take the day off...

And do some spa makeover
thing with barbra jean.

And I said, "no way."
Just like that. "No way."

Oh. So you're punishing
me because I'm fat?

What? No, I would never
do that. Not that you are.

Oh, really? So even though...

I take care of your
baby and go to school...

And help out taking
care of the house,

You think that I don't
need a day at the spa?

I think that...

You need to tell me...

What I need to say
to get out of this.

hey, mom. We're back.

Why are you smiling?
You don't smile.

I had a wonderful day.

Did you get a cell phone? No.

But if I did, I would call my friends
because they'd want to see this.

- See what? What are you talking bout?
- Oh, it'll just be a second.

And for the record, I
had nothing to do with it.

Sometimes the
magic just happens.

Well?

What do you
think, huh? Is it me?

No. It's me!

The ladies at the spa suggested that
if I wanted to shake up my life a little,

I should change my
look, and... [Screams]

Couldn't you just get
an eye patch and a parrot?

Van, I just thought of two
other things I'm mad at you for.

Hey, cheyenne.

Reba, this doesn't bother you,
does it... Us having the same hair?

We do not have the
same hair. Yours came out

Of a bottle, and mine's
almost all natural.

Hey. We're back, reba...

Oh, boy.

Cool! It's like mom...

And supersized mom.

Hey, kyra, honey.

Why don't you take your
little brother upstairs and hide?

Come on, jake. We'll go dye your
hair red. Everybody's doing it.

Brock, does this mean you
don't find my hair attractive?

I don't know.

The only time I've seen that
hairstyle, it's been yellin' at me.

Wait. Let's be perfectly clear.

The color is stunning.

- It's everything else
that's freaky!
- Oh, now, reba...

No, brock. Of all the freaky things
she's done, this is the freakiest.

Well, I just wanted to try
somethin' different. It's my hair!

The only thing different
is you're underneath it!

Hey, you know what? I... I don't
think it's really all that similar.

Are you kidding? It's like
looking in a carnival mirror.

Reba, just calm down. I
am not gonna calm down!

I don't want her anywhere
near my house or my kids.

She's banned. Oh,
you can't be serious.

I can't trust her judgment anymore.
Who knows what else she's gonna do?

Worse than banned.
She's banished.

Hey, you think now that I'm a redhead I'm
gonna get all fiery and hot-tempered too?

Oh, that's it!

[Yelling] yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Just like that. [Yelling]

Oh, yeah. That is
what I'm talkin' about.

Those fiery redheads just
gettin' up in everybody's kool-aid.

[tv clicks on]

How's it goin'?

Good. Good.

Good.

So, are you just
gonna sit there and

Pretend you don't
notice anything different?

That was my plan. Okay.

Brock, dad-blam it!
This is just wrong.

she's tryin' to steal
my whole identity.

I mean, she dresses
like me, she got my hair.

Good thing I don't have a accent,
or she'd try to steal that too.

Don't you think
you're overreacting?

I mean, she stole me from you,
and you didn't get half this mad.

I lived with you for 20 years. I should
have sent the girl a basket of muffins.

Reba, I'm sure that if
you ask barbra jean,

She'd be more than happy
to change her hair back.

Oh, I'm sure she would, 'cause she's so
accommodating and easy to get along with.

Which is why kyra likes her so
much better than she likes me.

- What?
- Oh, yeah.

I tell kyra no, and
it's world w*r iii.

Barbra jean says no, and they go
skippin' off to the mall for a makeover.

Kyra can't stand me.

And guess who's right
there to step in. Big red!

What are you saying? You're
jealous of barbra jean?

Yes! I'm jealous of barbra jean.

I'm jealous of barbra
jean. There. I said it.

[Moaning]

Reba, all mothers and daughters
have friction. It's totally natural.

Yeah. But not all daughters
have someplace else to go.

What if she gets sick and
tired of me telling her no,

And she decides that she
wants to go live with y'all?

Well, she'd never do that.

You got the big
tv in the divorce.

I'm serious, brock.

What would you say if she
asked to come live with you?

I don't know.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't
know that you were eating.

I'll just come back when you're done
so I don't disgust you. Wait, cheyenne.

You look great,
and I can prove it.

See? Look at this chart.
Here's your height.

You should be 105.

I'm fat! No, wait! No!

No, no, no. I read... I read the
wrong box. You should be 205.205.

Y-you're skinny. You're sick.

Here. Eat a doughnut.

Why are you doing
this to me, van?

Why am I doing
this to you? Yeah.

Why am I doing this to you?

[Screams]

Cheyenne, please, tell me what
I did wrong. I'll fix it. I swear.

But if you're waiting for me to figure it
out, we both know how long that could take.

It was this morning, and I
was getting out of the shower,

And I was naked, and I
told you not to look.

I didn't. I swear
I didn't. I know.

Then what is the problem?
You always used to look.

What?

You'd turn away, but then...

But then you'd, you
know, look in the mirror,

Or... Or pretend you didn't
hear me or something...

Anything to sneak a peek.

It was like this really,
really cute perverted

Thing that you used
to do, and then...

This morning you
just... You didn't look.

Well, I'm sorry, cheyenne.
I can be a pervert. I swear.

Van, I don't want
you to have to try.

Don't you find me sexy anymore?

Of course I do. Do you?

Honey, there are times when I
can barely keep my hands off you.

Like just after
you exercise and...

Your skin's all pink, and
you've got this glow about you.

That's not what I'm talking
about, van. Yes, you are!

No. No, no, no. I know why
you used to look at me.

but why is it that all of a sudden you
just didn't want to look this morning?

- Because elizabeth
was waking up.
- What?

Elizabeth was waking up, and I
wanted to finish brushing my teeth,

But I thought I
heard her crying.

And all that distracted
me from your nakedness.

I just need to focus.

- I guess that's a good reason.
- Honey.

Yeah, we still got the
hots for each other.

Come here. But w...

We got something more
too. Somethin' better.

We've got a life together.

Van.

So you really like the
way I look after I work out?

Oh, yeah.

You should do it more often.

No, no, no, no.

It's okay. I was just...

Kyra, I want to
talk to you. Oh, boy.

No, this is a good talk. This is a
talk where I say I've thought it over,

And I've decided to let
you get a cell phone.

Really? Yes, but there
are some conditions.

You have to pay for it out
of your babysitting money.

I get to see the bills, 'cause I
wanna know who you're talking to.

And you can't use it at
school, at dinner or in the car.

So I can use it here in the
living room next to the phone.

Look, I'm trying to meet
you halfway on this.

No, you're not. You're
trying to make it so you

Can still say no but feel
good about yourself.

Forget it. I don't
even want a phone.

I say no, and you get mad.
I say yes, and you get mad.

And I'm the one
who's unreasonable?

I can't talk to you
when you get like this.

Don't you walk away
from me. [knocking]

Hello, reba.

Barbra jean.

Why are you wearin'
that? Air escapin'?

I think there's some things
we should talk about.

Come in. Oh, I would,
but I'm banned.

Oh, just get in here.

I dyed my hair back.

You'll be happy to know what
little didn't fall out is pink.

Well, why did you dye your
hair like mine in the first place?

You had to think there was
a chance it would bother me.

I thought you'd be flattered.

I mean, if you did something to look
like me, i... I'd consider it a compliment.

I'd consider it halloween.

Look, barbra jean. I'm sorry.

There's just been a lot
goin' on around here.

I know. Brock told me about
you being jealous of me.

I got all emotional.

Got lightheaded. I think
there was a gas leak.

Nevertheless, if you're jealous,

We should talk about the
jealousy you feel for me.

And that way your jealousy
won't come between us.

Jealousy can really... All
right. Just stop sayin' that.

There is something you can
do to make me feel better.

Anything.

Maybe you could spend a little
less time with kyra. Except that.

I knew it! You're doin' this on
purpose. You want her to like you.

Yes. I'm evil. I want to be
liked by children everywhere.

You know what I mean.
Yeah, I do, and you're wrong.

I want her to like
me because I like her.

She's important to me.

But that shouldn't be a
threat to you. Oh, yeah, right.

Reba, do you know who she talks
about all the time when we're together?

You. It's "mom"
this and "mom" that.

I mean, sure, she's
mostly complaining, but...

It's because you're the
important one in her life.

See, I'm just her friend.

You're her mother.

And that's the best
worst job in the world.

Thank you, barbra
jean. We should hug.

Okay, but I wanna
see the pink hair.

Hug first. Hair first.

Hug first. Hair first.

[Yells] you big cheater!

acme! [Coughing]