02x12 - The Rings

[bunniefuu]

But, mrs. H, I don't wanna go
in the car. It smells terrible.

I'm sure it's better. I
left all the windows

Down, I sprinkled
potpourri on the seats,

And I put a half a
lemon in the glove box.

Hints from heloise. Come on.

Mom, a mouse crawled into
the exhaust system and died.

Decaying rodent does not smell
better over time. Hints from science.

Come on, you wimps.
Let's give it a try.

It's just a little bitty mouse.

Oh, man!

Little bitty mouse
with a big ol' stink.

Oh, man. Oh, man, that is
back-of-the-football-bus bad.

Okay. One of us has
to find this mouse.

[All] oh!

[Exhales] whew!

Come on, van. You're
not my kin. Get hoppin'.

Why do I always have to do the
big, strong man stuff around here?

Make kyra do it.

You are such a waste
of testosterone.

[Scoffs] oh, yeah?

So are you.

Fine. I'll do it.

Oh, wait, I think I found
something. Yeah. There it is. Ah.

Hey, the dipstick
grabbed the dipstick.

You know, my friend kendall's
family also had car trouble.

They took it to someone
called... A mechanic.

It costs $500 to
flush out this mouse.

Stink or no stink, I
don't have the cash.

So borrow the money from dad.

Every dollar of his we spend
is one less for barbra jean.

I like the way
you think, but, no.

Well, I guess there's only
one thing to do: sell jake.

- Kyra.
- What? He's the obvious choice.

Cheyenne's the prom queen, I'm
the brain, and jake's the spare.

Whew. I thought I was the spare.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

All right, I call ya.
Read 'em and weep, baby.

A pair of nines. Let's
see what you got.

Full house?

Well, one more king, you
might've had something there.

Van, I can't believe you're stealing
cookies away from elizabeth.

you should be very proud.

look how sad she is.

Mom, we've got to do
something about that car.

I can't get the smell of
dead rodent out of my hair.

Well, I still don't have $500,
so let's shave your head.

I think you should sell this.

My engagement ring? Kyra, what
were you doing in my jewelry box?

- Putting your earrings back.
- You didn't ask to borrow
my earrings, you little poot.

Come on, mom. It's the one piece of
jewelry you're never gonna wear again.

What if one of you
kids want it someday?

An engagement ring
from a failed marriage?

That's like wearing the
clothes off a dead person.

- What?
- It fits.

Cheyenne, take that off. That ring
symbolizes a lifetime of unhappiness.

Oh, hi.

Come on, mom. I bet you get more than
enough money to get rid of that smell.

And let's not forget I
have a birthday coming up.

Hmm. Well, if I don't get rid of that
smell, this may be the year you get a car.

Look, what you're
saying makes sense,

But it just doesn't feel right
to sell my engagement ring.

It was such a beautiful ring. My
finger feels kind of empty now.

- Really? 'Cause I could
buy you a ring.
- You can't even buy her a taco.

I can too buy her a ring. I have a job
now. I'm clearing three figures a month.

That's okay, sweetie.
You'll buy me a ring someday.

Too bad by then humans will have
evolved into having no fingers.

Shut up, kyra. I will
not have evolved.

Hey, kyra, I need your help.

You're a girl. You-you know
stuff about, you know, girl stuff.

Are you getting your period?

I need you to come with me
and help me buy cheyenne a ring.

- Okay.
- W-wait. You'll go? Why?

I love to see the expressions on
strangers' faces when you speak.

[alarm beeps]

What the hell was that?

The poverty detector. It goes off if you
make less than everyone else in the store.

Oh, man, this place is
way out of my league.

I still think we should go to
crazy steve's rings and mattresses.

- May I help you?
- We're here to get
an engagement ring.

'Cause we're in love. Kyra!

It's not for her. It's
for my wife. She's 18.

So you're getting your wife an
engagement ring? Won't she be surprised.

Let me show you what we have.

Any idea which cut the young lady
would prefer? Pear? Square? Emerald?

Well, you know women. The one
that doesn't make her look fat, right?

Upper deck, ring dude.

Could we see something
simple, like him?

This piece has
marvelous clarity.

Ooh. That's pretty. Mmm.

It's $4,500. American?

That may be a little
out of his range.

I'm sorry. What price
range were you thinking?

Do you have one of those
machines you put a quarter in?

Oh, I see which
direction we're heading.

This is called
the "promise" ring.

Dude, I already made the
promise. I need a diamond.

If both size and
price are an issue,

Perhaps... [objects clinking]

Cubic zirconium would be nice.

Yeah, baby, that is
what I am talking about.

My man, you could've been a little
quicker with these "cuban plutoniums."

- Van, it's fake.
- Yeah, but it's big
and fake.

- I want cheyenne to love it.
- Look, if it were me, I'd
rather have something real.

Really? Really.

Of course, I'd also
rather have a husband...

Who didn't tie his shoes by
chasing the bunny through the hole.

[Laughing]

[Laughing louder]

What do you mean
I'm not covered?

I specifically asked about
this when I bought the policy.

Yeah, liability and mice.

Both. I asked for both.

Yeah? Well, you know what?
You're not a good neighbor.

I am stunned that didn't work.

- Hey, hey, hey. We're back.
- Oh, how was the museum?

- You're not supposed to
touch the pictures.
- Oh.

Oh, it's not your fault,
buddy. You didn't know.

They should have a big sign
that says, "alarm will sound."

[Loudly] you know, I still
have a ringin' in my ears.

Hey, reba,

There any reason why there are, like,


I've been delivering fish for
extra money. What's it to ya?

Whoa. What's with you?

Don't mind her, dad. Something
crawled up her tailpipe and died.

That's your mother you're
talking to, young lady.

[Grunts] oh, there it is.

- So, what are we talking about?
- A mouse died in
our car's engine.

Ooh, a dead mouse. Oh,
that must smell terrible.

Hey, brock, we should lend
them our car while we're in italy.

- Italy?
- Yes. But don't ask me
which city.

We're just gonna "rome."

Barbra jean, I specifically asked
you not to say that anymore.

You're taking her
to italy? my italy?

The one place in the world I always wanted
to go, but you said we couldn't afford it?

I got a great deal. I used this internet
site called bare-bottom tickets.

Actually, I kind of
found them by accident.

Brock loves his internet. Yeah.

Well, honey, though if
it's gonna be a problem,

Maybe we should
go someplace else.

Is there anyplace
you're less bitter about?

We are not changing our plans.

I mean, it's not like when we got
divorced italy became off-limits, right?

No. You're right. Go.

You and I are divorced. Italy shouldn't
matter anymore. Go on. Have a good time.

Oh, we will. And you
have fun in our car.

But don't let any
animals die in there. Ciao.

- Kyra, go get my jewelry box.
- So, you're selling
the engagement ring?

Oh, yeah. And their car.

- [knocking]
- hey, reba.

- Ciao.
- Come on. You're not still
upset about that italy deal?

Ciao!

Mom, your engagement ring is up to a
thousand dollars on ebay. Oh, hi, dad.

No way. You didn't sell
our engagement ring?

Not yet. They're
still bidding on it.

I can't believe you'd
even think of doing that.

You know what I went
through to get you that ring?

Oh, I know what you
went through, brock.

You went through your brother,
who went through a guy named paco,

Who went through customs with
my engagement ring in his underpants.

I can't believe you're being so
petty. It's our engagement ring.

I thought it'd always
stay in our family.

That's funny. I always thought
you would stay in our family.

Oh, it always comes back
around to that, doesn't it? Mm-hmm.

The divorce is my fault? Yep.

I've ruined everything, made your life
miserable, so now I deserve to be punished?

Well, not this time. I
forbid you to sell that ring.

Forbid me?

Well, I forbid you to forbid me.

- It's my engagement ring
and I'm gonna sell it.
- Then I'm gonna buy it.

Long as you're the high bidder.

[Chuckles] baby, I will be.

Kyra! Kyra.

Jump on the computer and
put in a fake bid of... $3,000.

[Chortles]

Hey.

What's this for?
For my lovely bride.

[Giggles] oh, no. What did you do?
If elizabeth has a mohawk, van...

She's fine.

This is not an apology.
It's a proposal.

And this time I
have a ring. [Gasps]

And you're not pregnant.

You got me a ring? Mm-hmm.

Oh, no. Van, the
diamond fell off. What?

No, no. It's there.

Oh. Oh, there it is.

Aw, dang. It's too small.

I knew I should've got one
of those big cuban ones.

No, no, no. No. Van.

I must've had
something in my eye.

- Wow, I love it.
- You're just saying that.

No. Van, I love my diamond.

"My diamond." [Giggles]

- Van, it's gorgeous.
- What's gorgeous?

Van bought me a diamond ring.

What?

Here I am scraping and scrounging to
get enough money to fix that stupid car,

And you have the nerve to
go out and buy a diamond ring?

Yes, and look at it.

Never mind.

[Knocking]

Hey, reba. I had a great idea
while I was planning our italy trip.

Mm-hmm. You should tell me
all the places you wanted to go,

And then I could take
some pictures for you.

I can tell you where
I want you to go.

arrivederci.

Or for you, it would
be "a-reba-derci."

Get it? Reba... Barbra jean,

I've head that joke all my life.

I don't think it's funny.

Barbra jean, come here. I want
you to see the ring that van got me.

[Squeals]

[Squealing louder]

Oh, my gosh, it's bellissimo.

That means "small," doesn't it?

I just memorize a lot of
words. I don't know the meanings.

You do the same with english.

Come on, van. I wanna go down to
campus. I wanna show all my friends.

No, no. I don't think we
should show anyone.

An engagement ring
should be private.

Don't be silly. I want
everybody to know what you did.

Can we not call it what i did?

Well, since it seems we're
all showing off rings,

Take a gander at
what brock gave me.

[spoon clatters]

Apparently, it's an antique. I think
some old lady died or something.

Barbra jean, that's my
engagement ring. Hey.

If I'd have known he was gonna give
it to you, I'd have never sold it to him.

Give it to me. Reba, my
finger won't come off.

You'd be surprised.

- I can't believe he did that.
- Me either.

That smoky smell is me,
sister, because I am burned up.

- I'm gonna k*ll him.
- Right. We are
in this together.

- No, we're not.
- Oh, really?

'Cause for a second there it
kind of seemed like we were.

Brock. Reba. Hey.
Look at you. Over here.

All of a sudden. And
looking kind of angry.

I can explain. Really?
Can you, brock?

Well, not to both of
you at the same time.

You gave barbra jean
my engagement ring.

First, you give me reba's trip
to italy, and now, her ring?

Next you'll be telling me her
nickname was "sassy shorts."

Excuse me. [Shudders]

Reba, I did not give
the ring to barbra jean.

No. She found it in my pocket
and thought it was a gift.

I couldn't very well
tell her the truth.

Yeah, that was never
one of your strong suits.

And what was the truth, brock?

You bought your ex-wife's
ring for a little keepsake?

Honey, I had to buy it.

Otherwise it would've gone to
"grannyboots72" from syracuse.

Well, I don't want it
now. I want my own ring.

Oh, barbra jean.

Oh, I'm gettin' the
tiffany's catalog.

And I'm gettin' a toe ring too.

Serves you right, brock.
What were you thinkin'?

Hey, I thought you said you
didn't care about this ring?

I don't. Well, if you don't
care, why are you so mad?

Because I don't want barbra jean
to have my ring. Oho, so you do care.

That's not caring. That's
hatred. They just sound the same.

Well, you could've fooled me.

I still care about this ring, reba, and it
hurt my feelings when you said you don't.

Well, maybe I still care
about it too, but I don't want to.

Just like I don't wanna care that
you're taking her on my trip to italy.

So, why do i?

Well, maybe because there's
part of the past that's still good.

You know, just because
our marriage ended badly...

Doesn't mean you have to write
off the whole dang relationship.

We had plenty of good times.
Like when I gave you this ring.

I said I'd never take it off
my finger. And you didn't.

Until that first fight when
we were driving through iowa,

And you threw it out
the window. [Laughs]

We spent six hours
in that cornfield.

Serves you right,
taking me to iowa. [Laughs]

Yeah, we did have
some good memories.

I guess it's okay
if I keep this.

Reba... [Chuckles] you
know, I did pay for the ring.

Twice now.

Yeah, I know.

Enjoy italy.

You know what? I
changed my mind.

I thought it'd be better if I
took barbra jean to paris.

my paris?

[Nervous chuckle]
I'm just saying,

You didn't have to show the
ring to your geology professor.

The guy's a rock expert,
cheyenne. Yes, van,

And he thought that the
diamond was very impressive.

Because he's never seen
one that small before.

Everyone was making
fun of it, cheyenne.

Van, you're getting
upset over nothing.

I'm getting upset 'cause
you won't stop punishing me.

How am I punishing you?

You keep showing
it to everyone. Oh!

Boy, it's pathetic seeing two
grown adults fightin' over a ring.

I should've never gotten
it. It's embarrassing.

Why don't you just wear my paycheck on your
finger, and everybody can laugh at that?

[Sighs] look, I got an
offer for you two.

- I got my engagement ring back.
- I told you, mrs. H. I don't want it.

You don't have to take the
ring, just take the diamond.

Wait a minute. That would
probably break the curse.

All right, pop that sucker off.
I'm gonna go get the glue g*n.

No, no, no, no. Mom, thank
you. That's very sweet.

But I love this ring
exactly the way that it is.

Why? Why would you love it?

Because you gave it to me,

And that makes it the most
valuable ring that I'll ever own.

Wow. How cool is that?

Well, you did buy
cheyenne a nice ring.

Oh, I didn't just buy her a nice ring. I
bought her a love of inexpensive jewelry.

acme! [Coughing]