02x03 - Proud Reba

[bunniefuu]

Ugh!

Either this thing
is broke or I am.

mom, we're back! Come in here.

Look at what we bought!

I hope it's a cardboard box
'cause otherwise we can't afford it.

It's a dvd player.

And we got valuable airline miles
because we used the credit card.

Hello, europe. Or hawaii.

Cheyenne, I gave you that credit
card to pay for your textbooks.

Yeah, but I don't have to buy
textbooks for another two weeks.

by that time, you can call the
credit card company and raise my limit.

Or get another card, transfer the
balance from this card to that one,

Ignore those, and
get a different card.

You know, this might be a
little late, but... [Whistling]

Jake! Come on down
here. Family meeting!

Jake, why is your
hair like that?

Kyra said it scares the ghosts.

Honey, it scares everybody.

Okay, kids. I don't like
to talk finances with you,

But I think you need
to know the facts.

We're not doing that great.

What are you saying? Are
we running out of money?

Well, not yet, but you
got to understand...

We can't keep having more
goin' out than what's coming in.

- Well, what's coming in?
- Nothin'.

Okay, so we know what
we have to work with.

You and I have got to think
of some way to help out.

Oh! Oh, I know.

You could rent out your handicapped
parking pass to your football buddies.

yeah! Oh, man, they would k*ll
for those spots at the mall.

You should hear them complain
about how the handicapped have it made.

Your friends
sound lovely, but no.

I'm sure you two will think
up some way to pitch in.

And in the meantime,
I'm gettin' a job!

[Laughing]

Psych!

Oh. Yeah, you really
had us going, mrs. H.

- I'm serious.
- Well, no offense, mom,

But can you do anything?

You should play for the wnba.

Those chicks rock.

All right. Knock it
off, smart alecks.

I've been filling out
applications all week.

And tomorrow, I've
got an interview at

Ryan's department store
for customer service.

I want that job so bad, and
I have no doubt in my mind...

That I am going to nail it!

[Laughing]

- Oh, no doubt.
- You really are.

[No audible dialogue]

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ who I am is who I wanna be ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Um, I'm assuming you're
internet proficient.

Which search
engine do you prefer?

Uh, the little one that could?

That's a little joke.

Sense of humor. Write that down.

Actually, the man we let
go had a sense of humor.

Now, uh, work experience.

Your last full-time job was...

Uh, domestic consultant, uh,

For a small company
specializing in conflict resolution.

- So you're a mom.
- I got a promotion recently.

Now I'm a grandmother.

The ad says,
"experience required."

Oh, well, I read the one that says,
"come on in and get your money."

In all due respect, sir, mothering
gives you plenty of experience.

Customer service
is what moms do.

I'd be perfect for the job.

Ms. Hart, thanks for coming in.

If you, uh, don't hear from our
personnel office by the end of the day,

You'll assume that I didn't
make the effort to call them.

Well, wait. There's
got to be some stuff...

That I learned from being a mom
that could help you out down here.

All right. Name one specific
work skill that translates.

You got any employees
that don't pick up their toys?

Well, I'm just saying I think
I'd make a great telemarketer.

Well, for instance,
I'm calling you.

Well, I'm sorry you're
having your dinner.

Well, I know you
are, but what am i?

No, I said i... Hello?

Hello?

I'm telling you, jake.
Things are really bad.

Am I gonna lose my nintendo?

Well, I'd worry less about nintendo
and more about your next meal.

We're running out
of food. Really?

Oh, yeah. And then we
turn into cannibals.

And of course we eat
the smallest one first.

That's how we lost
your brother, darren.

Mom!

Jake, what are you doing?

Kyra said we're
running out of food.

Oh, don't listen to
her. She's unpleasant.

Jake, come here.

Honey, you don't
have to save up food.

I'm your mother.

And except for bringing
kyra into the world,

I'm never gonna let
anything bad happen to you.

So, you okay? Yeah.

You sure? Yeah.

Okay.

We got groceries!

And not just any groceries.

The kind you actually
want to eat. Look.

They made ding
dongs into a cereal.

After our talk
about belt-tightening,

You guys go out and spend
a bunch of money on junk?

No, mom. I think you're
gonna be proud of us.

We thought about what you said, and
we decided that we needed to do our part.

Oh, my gosh! You got jobs!

Better! We got on
food stamps today.

- What?
- We're on food stamps! Uh-huh!

Except it's a debit card
now. It's just like a bank card,

But you never
have to put money in.

It's a miracle.

You two actually did this?

Well, see, the thing you don't
know about me and cheyenne...

Is we're go-getters. Mm-hmm.

But you guys don't qualify for food
stamps, right? I mean, there's no way.

Not only did we qualify,
they felt sorry for us.

Did you tell them you
live in a really nice house,

In a really nice
neighborhood, for free?

Yep. They don't care.

They say that we deserve it. And they
don't make mistakes at the government.

You should've seen them when
they found out we had a baby.

Oh, they eat it up
if you have a baby.

Hey, maybe we should have
another one. Cha-ching! Cha-ching!

Hey, maybe that's what we
should name her, cha-ching!

Cha-ching!

All right. Cut it out.

We don't do that. This family
does not accept charity.

Look at you with
your silly pride.

You know, some people need a little
help gettin' back on their feet, mom.

That kind of help is for
people who have no options.

I don't know what you're
so flipped out about.

"That kind of help" is for
people exactly like us.

Van is disabled, I'm starting
school again, and we have elizabeth.

Food stamps are for people
who have hit rock bottom.

Well, you may not have hit rock
bottom, but, luckily, we have.

He's right.

Hey, let's go upstairs and
do a little financial planning.

Cha-ching! Cha-ching!

Sha-sh**t me.

I can't believe you're
making us do this, mom.

Yeah. Do you know how embarrassing
it is to be taken off food stamps?

Hi, excuse me. I'm reba hart.

My daughter and her husband
signed up for food stamps yesterday.

Hey, susan. Hi there, van.

Oh, you brought elizabeth.

I tell you, when I see that little one, it
makes me feel so good about what I do.

We're thinking about
having another one.

Cha-ching!

No, they're not. Now, look,
these food stamps were a bad idea.

I'm taking care of
everybody just fine.

So if you'll just take them off
your list, we'll be on our way.

Ah, the proud
mother. I understand.

She won't even let me rent out my
handicapped parking pass for extra dough.

Knock, knock. "Who's there?"
"Opportunity, that's who."

Charity is not for us.

Tippy-tappy.

I know what you're
going through.

This whole process
is a bit embarrassing.

Don't worry. We'll handle it.

Finally. Thank you.

How many dependents
do you have? Me?

Um, five, I guess,
countin' the baby.

- Uh-huh. Any source of income?
- No, not at the moment.

Do you have any drug
or alcohol addiction?

No. Just an occasional
glass of wine at dinner...

Hey, wait a minute.
What are you doing?

Putting you on assistance. Are you
at the same address as your daughter?

[Chuckles]

Cheyenne, why don't you and van
go over and have a seat? Go ahead.

Now you listen to me. I
don't need aid. I don't want aid.

Oh, I know your type. All your life you've
looked down on those who need help,

And now that you're one
of them, you can't admit it.

I'm not one of them.
I am gettin' a job.

Oh, you have a job lined up?

No, not... Not exactly,
but I want one.

Oh, I see.

You're the one who
wants a job. Yeah.

Hey, everybody! This is
the woman who wants a job!

Cut it out. I'm going to work.

I'm the type of person
who works for her money.

Not like all these other
lazy good-for-nothings

Who just want to lay
around and cash a check.

Hey, everybody! No checks today.

You're too lazy! Stop that.

You're twisting
my words. [Sighs]

What I mean is I still
have options. They don't.

Right. Because they're
big losers who have failed.

Hey, everybody!
Would you stop that!

That's not what I'm sayin'.
Then what are you saying?

[Sighs] we're the type...

Those who... The kind of...

The kind of scum
who take handouts.

Hey, everybody! She
just called y'all scum!

You know, thanks to people
like you, these people feel awful.

Well, they shouldn't. If
someone's life has come to that,

There's absolutely
no shame in taking help.

Really. I believe that
with all my heart.

Finally. Yeah.

Same address?

Same address.

[door opens, closes]
[man on tv, indistinct]

[kyra] hey, mom. I'm home. hey.

- What're you doing?
- Nothing.

Which is apparently
all I'm qualified to do.

Well, good news, mom.

I found a kid who
owed me a quarter.

Kyra, you may think
this is funny. I don't.

Careful. Red's in a mood.

Hey. Hey.

[Singsong] there's grandma,
sittin' on the couch.

Still.

Well, lookee here. Three
generations, not a job among us.

Mom, why are you so down?

This is great. This
is why I'll pay taxes,

If I ever get a job.

Which I'm not sure that I
will because this is great.

You know, if you
really feel that way...

Then the worst part
isn't me not gettin' a job.

It's that I didn't teach you the
values I think are important.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it. Hey, if it's that
cute little ol' girl scout,

Tell her this year there'll
be no thin mints in this house.

Hey. We're ready
to go to the zoo.

Uh, you know, it's a
little chilly out there.

You might wanna grab
a sweater. Oh, okay.

Careful. Red's in a mood.

Reba, you are not
gonna believe this.

We were just down at
the market, and they said

That the kids were buying
food with food stamps.

Well, they won't let
'em buy lottery tickets.

Wait a minute.
You mean it's true?

Oh, my gosh.
They're on the dole.

It's cheyenne and van's
way of helping out.

What you don't know about
them is they're go-getters.

Well, that's ridiculous. I
mean, first a baby and now this?

We are on a slippery
slope here, reba.

A slope to where, brock?
I think we done slid down.

Yeah, well, no kid of mine
is gonna be on assistance.

You gotta tell them to get off.

You'll have to tell them yourself. I
don't want to look like a hypocrite.

What are you talking about?

Here. Run down to the store
and get yourself something cheap.

You're on food stamps too?

What, did you get a group rate?

Oh, reba.

Are you sick with the drink?

How could this happen?

I mean, what happened to the
money you got in the settlement?

You can't possibly spend
more than barbra jean.

Now, brock, perhaps
we shouldn't judge reba.

Especially when she's sittin' here in
her bathrobe... In the late afternoon...

Drinkin' whatever's in that cup.

Well, I wish you'd told me
you were havin' trouble.

Now, I want you to know
that I'm here for you.

- Is there anything I can do?
- Absolutely. Write her a check.

Well, i... I would, baby,

But it... It turns out
she's bad with money.

Plus, we're not exactly
loaded right now.

- I don't want your money.
- See? We're making
her uncomfortable.

We should probably go. Now, reba, I
know it's hard to admit when you need help,

But I had a friend in
exactly your position...

Middle-aged, no skills,

Used to enjoy a little
nip now and again.

Barbra jean... No, brock,
she needs to hear this.

And do you know what
happened to her, reba?

Neither do i.

Because she was always so drunk
and depressin', I stopped talkin' to her.

I refused to talk to her.

Why are you telling me a story
about the luckiest woman in the world?

Because I don't want that
to happen to you. Let us help.

All right, barbra jean. That's
enough. She doesn't need our help.

This pathetic robed creature...

Sitting on the couch
is not who reba is.

and one day she's gonna snap out of it
and do what the reba I know would do.

She's gonna go out there and
demand the job she knows she deserves.

Are you sayin' that just so you
won't have to write me a check?

Well, of course I am.
But I still believe it.

Well, thank you very much. That's
exactly what I needed to hear.

- Where are you going?
- I'm going to go down there
and demand the job I deserve.

The one I wanted
in the first place.

Well, good for you. Ah, whoa,
whoa. Where you going with that?

Oh, parking's
terrible at the zoo.

Like last time? I
parked in "giraffe."

Had a few beers. Then I
wandered around "gorilla"...

Give me that.

That's exactly the
same kind of attitude...

That makes the kids think
it's okay to be on food stamps.

Whoo-ee! Red is in a mood.

[reba] come on. I don't
have all day, grandma.

[Chuckles] yeah, that's good.

Yes. Yes.

Hey! Hey, that's my spot!

Didn't you see my blinker on?
You know what that means?

That means that's
my spot! You-you-you...

You spot-taker!

Oh, man. There's no spot
around here anywhere...

Oh.

♪♪ [Whistling]

Oh, good. You're still here.

Am i? Damn.

Look, mr. Lewis. I think we
have a difference of opinion.

You look at me and see a soccer
mom that drives a gold volvo wagon.

But I think a mom is
exactly what you need.

i spend every day
with a house full of

demanding customers,
and I haven't lost one yet.

[Ringing] he's busy.

Now, I don't want to waste
any more of your time.

But if I work this
hard to get this job,

I hope you can only imagine
how hard I'll work to keep it.

Now, it's your choice. But if
you let me walk out that door,

You'll be missing out on an honest
person who's got lots to prove,

Who plays everything fair and
square, right down the middle.

Bottom line.
That's it. I'm done.

You can start monday.

Thanks! Okay.

That was easy.

wow. [Laughs]

- Did you say you drive
a gold volvo wagon?
- Yep.

The one in the
handicapped parking spot?

Other than that, I'd
have gotten the job?

Oh, yeah.

I can't believe you used my parking
pass illegally and got caught.

Knock, knock. "Who's there?"

"The cops, that's who!"

I'm sorry you lost the
job, mom. That's a real drag.

No, it's not a real drag. It's what
you get when you cheat the system.

It's bad mojo.

Well, I thought
about what you said.

About, you know, van
and I being on food stamps

And not teaching us
the right values and...

Well, I don't want to teach my
daughter the wrong values either, so...

I'm proud of you,
honey. thank you.

[knocking] okay. Hey, I need to
talk to your dad about somethin'.

Why don't you go break
it to your husband...

That uncle sam's no longer
springin' for the ding dongs.

Hey, reba. Hey.

Sorry about you
not getting that job,

But if this is about me lending you
money, I was telling you the truth before.

- We just don't have it.
- Relax. I don't want you
to lend me money.

[Exhales]

Well, then I apologize. If it's
anything else, all you have to do is ask.

I want you to give me a job.

Well, I guess we could scrape up a
couple of hundred, but that's about it.

Why not? You're always saying
you need help down there.

Yeah, but, hiring your ex-wife?

I mean, that would be like...

Well, there is no worse example.

Look, I'm out of options.

And I need work experience. You
can't get a job unless you've had a job.

I need somethin' to
put on my résumé.

Oh, go ahead. Put
it on your résumé.

if anybody calls to
check it out, I'll lie.

I'll tell them you were
a great receptionist...

or a fantastic office manager.

You can be anything you want,

Dr. Hart.

Doesn't anybody understand
that I want to do this the right way,

That I want to set a
good example for my kids.

Whatever happened to pulling
yourself up by your bootstraps?

come on. Gimme a shot.

[Sighs] okay.
Fine. We'll try it.

Just for the record, I think
this could be a really bad idea.

[Laughs] oh, it's
a horrible idea.

Gonna be miserable. I
wouldn't be a bit surprised...

If I wound up screamin' at you
and throwin' a stapler at your head.

If this is what you said
in your last interview,

I'm startin' to see why
you didn't get the job.

I'll see you monday.

Wear a helmet.

acme! [Coughing]