02x02 - Skating Away

[bunniefuu]

Okay, and you want to
hear the coolest part?

Every couple living in this
dorm is on athletic scholarship.

Sort of like how the circus
keeps all the freaks together.

Oh, no. They separate them.

If not, the fat lady
would eat lobster boy.

[Laughs] what's
up? Upstage kyra!

Wow! What a view! Hey!

I can see my car down
in the parking lot.

Okay, who left their door open?

No, wait! Somebody's in
there. Somebody's in my car!

Hey, hey! Somebody's breaking
into my car! Stop that guy!

In the volvo! Stop him!
No, wait. That's not my car.

Oh, i so cannot wait to move in.

And once football season
starts and everybody

Realizes you are
the star of the team,

We're only gonna be the most
popular couple on campus.

Well, there are a lot of
great players on the team,

But we might have the
most popular baby. Uh-huh.

You know what? Actually, there
are a lot of great babies too.

Yeah, about that... Did you find out
what kind of child care they have yet?

Mom. Well, I just
want to make sure...

They have someone that can
take care of elizabeth properly.

What if they don't have a redheaded
woman with the voice of an angel?

Look, mom, I know
you're concerned,

But van and I will
take care of this.

But the nursery's very
important. And we'll take care of it.

The whole point of us
moving out is that we're

In charge of our own
lives now. We're adults.

Yeah, we can vote.
We didn't, but we could.

Mom, can we please leave? I'd like to try
and squeeze in a tiny bit of my life today.

Oh, no, wait. You guys can't leave
yet. I still have to show you our kitchen.

It has a sink. [Laughs]

You're never going back
to the prairie, are ya?

You want to go
check out the sink?

I vote yes!

Man, the facilities here are great. They
got a weight room, they got a newsstand,

They've even got a red bull
machine down in the lobby.

Dad and I watched the girls'
volleyball tryouts for half an hour!

The boy wouldn't leave.

Come on, jake. Let's go dangle
you out the bedroom window.

Hey! Oh, check on my car.

Be honest, reba. Are you
okay with them moving out?

Well, part of me wants them to
stay because of my grandbaby.

I mean, I'm the only one that's ever
taken care of her besides cheyenne.

Course, the other part of me
wants that diaper pail out of my house.

We're only five minutes away. I'm
sure we'll be over here all the time.

Heck, volleyball
season starts october 9.

Well, at least now, jake, kyra
and I will start livin' a normal life.

Yeah, it's been a hell
of a year. It sure has.

Thanks for that, by the way.

You know, I think our kids turned
out pretty well considering.

Yeah, they're tough
little boogers, aren't they?

Although sometimes I worry that
kyra's not a little bit too tough.

Naw, she's always
been like that.

- Hey, remember the time she
punched that german shepherd?
- [Laughing]

Ah, it never pooped in
our yard again, did it?

We used to have so
much fun together.

Well, you still can. You just have
to find something she likes doing now.

Brock, I can only watch so
many episodes of the osbournes.

[Imitating ozzy osbourne] sharon! I got
tangled up in me shirt again! Aa-aah!

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ who I am is who I wanna be ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Oh, mrs. H, you're just in time.

Huh? I put up the
christmas lights.

- What do you think?
- I think it's september.

Yeah, well, I figured since
cheyenne and I are moving out,

I'd do a bunch of big jobs
to help out before we go.

Oh, well, that's very
thoughtful of you, van.

Yeah, I know. It really is.

well, thank you. take 'em down.

Kyra, can you come
down here, honey?

So, let me guess: you probably
don't want the manger set up either?

Is it christmas already?

Apparently not.

What?

Don't say "what." I got a little
present for you, that's what.

Mom, van and cheyenne are moving
out. That's the greatest gift of all.

Rollerblades?

Yeah, and elbow and knee
doohickeys, and I got a pair too.

So, if you have a pair,

And I have a pair...

Wait, I must have this wrong.

No! We're gonna be skatin'
together. It'll be fun!

- What do we get to do together?
- Uh,

Well, you get to
help me plan dinner.

Can we have hot dogs? No,
we're gonna have pork chops!

But you get to pick where we're gonna
eat 'em. Can we eat in the bathroom?

No, we're gonna eat
'em in the dining room!

Yea! We planned dinner!

Jake? Put baby jesus back.

Oh, man.

- What?
- Don't say "what."

Oh, come on, kyra.
Let's at least try it.

We used to like
doin' stuff together.

I apologize for wantin' to
spend time with you, okay?

I am guilty of wantin' to
be with you. [Mock sobbing]

So, now that that
ugly little secret's out,

What do you say let's strap these babies
on and go make dang fools out of ourselves?

[thudding] [van groaning]

van? oh, it... I'm okay!

That was a close one. [Groaning]

Van!

Sorry I took so long. I came on the
i-10, and it was a crawl from the 45 merge.

You know, it's incredible
that they haven't

Figured out they got
to widen that corridor.

Every year it gets worse and
worse. Like a dang parking lot.

I'm gonna write a letter
to city council, I swear.

Uh, how's van?

Sorry, you didn't sound
too concerned on the phone.

Well, we don't think he broke anything,
but he kind of smashed up his knee.

That's not a bad injury for a
football player, is it, daddy?

The knee?

No.

No, no, no. Thank
goodness it was the knee.

Mrs. Montgomery. Your
husband is doing just fine.

It was a pretty severe strain on
the knee, but it didn't need surgery.

He'll be in a brace
for a few weeks.

If he works hard, he should be
able to make a complete recovery.

Oh, thank god... Oh,
and you know, you all.

Well, that is good news. Oh, no.

What's the matter, sweetheart? A couple of
weeks? I mean, what about football season?

If van can't play football
he is gonna freak, mom.

Then we're just gonna have
to help him get through this.

He's down, so we lift him
up. That's what families do.

We support each other. We're
just not gonna let him be depressed.

Whoo! Look out
for the vanmobile!

Come on, kiddo.
Get your pads on.

Today's the day we finally
get out and go skatin'.

Oh, no. Not again.

Jake! I know you have the
baby jesus, and I want it back.

The lord is not a toy!

come on, kyra. Get on. Let's go.

Could there be anything
more embarrassing...

Than rollerblading around
the neighborhood with your mom?

Hey, I didn't want to play
candyland with you nine hours a day...

When you were
little, either, but I did.

You owe me.

Come on, kyra.

I've been asking you
to go rollerbladin'

With me for three days.
You going to or not?

Okay. But then we play
candyland till midnight.

Deal! Come on.

You do realize how stupid we're
gonna look doing this, right?

Speak for yourself. i'm not
the one skatin' with her mom.

Hey, it's the vanmobile! How
was the physical therapy?

Oh, outstanding. Those people
down there are incredible.

Do you know there are guys down
there playing basketball in wheelchairs?

There's wheelchair olympics.

You know, people in wheelchairs
can do anything they set their minds to.

- Where you goin'?
- I'm gonna go mow the lawn!

Ahh.

Well, looks like you finally
convinced kyra to go skating with you.

Ah, you know kyra. "Take me skatin', take
me skatin'!" Just like a broken record.

- Okay.
- Good, dad, you're back.

You ready to go? Yeah, all set.

We're gonna take some stuff over
to the apartment. You want to come?

Oh, sorry. My day's all
booked. Are you sure?

I mean, we could swing by
the nursery afterwards.

No, no, no. I heard what you said,
honey. I know you can handle it.

Well, of course I can.
I was thinking... I mean,

I don't see why you
couldn't just tag along.

You're an adult. You'll
be just fine. Just make

Sure they answer any
questions you may have.

Of course. Heh! I don't
have any questions!

Van had the questions!
What are the questions?

- Mom, I need questions!
- Okay. Okay, I'll go.

Oh, hey, kyra. You look great!

Hey, listen. Cheyenne
needs me to go over to

The campus with her
real quick. Is that okay?

I don't care. You want to come?

Yeah, right. Yeah.

Don't take off your pads. We
are gonna skate today, okay?

[Clicks tongue] all right,
I'll be back in 15 minutes.

You and mom, like, on a
hockey team or something?

Actually, this little
energy drink's not that bad.

But it's so tiny. I'd have
to drink 10 of these.

Okay, and I'll catch your heart
when it blows out of your chest.

Hey, why is my door open?

Oh, you must've left it open when
you brought stuff over earlier.

I haven't brought anything over.

And somebody put a bunch of stuff
in here. We need to call the police.

And report what? A delivery?

[Simultaneously] can I help you?

Well, it's just that I think that
you guys have the wrong apartment.

This is 7b, van and
cheyenne montgomery.

According to this letter from the athletic
department, 7b just became available.

- I think this is our apartment.
- Well, there's only
one way to settle it.

I'll race you for it.

What is going on? How could
they give away our apartment?

Oh, no, baby. I'm sure they
didn't. It's just a mix-up.

When the athletic
coordinator gets here, he'll

Straighten it all out.
Jeff is a great guy.

You think so? Oh, you
know what it could be?

Could be they wanna move you to
a lower floor, 'cause van's injured.

A lower floor? Like, where
the badminton team lives?

[Sighs] no. Uh-uh.
Cheyenne, calm down.

You're an adult. Are
you gonna deal with this

Problem, or are you
just gonna fall apart?

I'm gonna fall apart. No!

Yes. Yes, I am, mom. Oh, yes, I
am. Everything is going wrong.

I mean, first van gets injured, and
now we're losing our apartment.

You're not losing anything.
Look, tell you what.

Take my car, go home,
feed the baby and relax.

Oh, and pick up another
case of these, okay?

Aha! Make it two.

Mom, are you gonna deal with
this guy? Oh, you bet I am. Go on now.

You know what? This is probably
just some computer mistake.

Like the time those "900" numbers
showed up on our phone bill.

What was that about?

Don't you see what's
goin' on around here?

They're tryin' to take van's
scholarship away 'cause he's hurt!

What? No! They'd
never do that to him.

Oh, these colleges do that
kind of thing all the time.

They did a big story on it
on 20/20 or night-thingie,

Or that one where the guy's hair
looks like it's made out of wood.

Great theory, except the
guy in the kitchen's also hurt.

So why would they give
the apartment to him? Why?

'Cause shut up, that's why!

Jeff is on his way over.

Good, 'cause I'm eager
to talk to him, real eager.

I'm gonna unpack some boxes.

Oh, no, louis.

You gotta rest that arm if you're
gonna be able to play again, honey.

She's right. So, louis, does
this jeff guy know you're hurt?

- No, I don't think so. Why?
- Well, you better
stop unpackin'.

- You may lose
your apartment too.
- What are you talking about?

Apparently these
sleazeballs don't like givin'

Housing to football
players who can't play.

No, no, no. I don't play football. I
play violin in the university orchestra.

Wait. I thought this
dorm was for athletes.

Right. That would be
me, women's volleyball.

Oh, yeah!

You were at the tryouts.

Well, she was good.

- [knocking]
- hello, halle, louis.

Well, hey there,
brock. [Chuckles] hey, jeff.

What seems to be the problem? Oh, it's
just a little misunderstanding, that's all.

All I know is what your
letter says. Now if you'll

Excuse me, I need to
go talk to the painters.

I hope you can
work something out.

Who knew playing the
fiddle could be so dangerous?

His arm?

No, that happened when some moron grabbed
him in the parking lot the other day.

Accused him of trying
to steal his own car.

So, what can I do you for?
Oh, it's the craziest thing, jeff.

Reba has this idea that you're
tryin' to take away van's housing.

I don't have any choice when
somebody suspends their scholarship.

Oh, well, there's the mistake. No, jeff,
no. Van didn't suspend his scholarship.

Oh, sure he did, brock, yeah. He and
I had a long conversation about it.

Was he on some kind of
medication at the time? No.

Sometimes it's hard to tell.

No, no, this was all
van's idea. He said he and

Cheyenne talked it
over and wanted to do it.

I asked him to redshirt, but he
said he wanted to take a year off.

Now if you'll excuse me.

Why would van
suspend his scholarship?

Honest to god, brock.
Just when I begin to relax...

And think that those
two are starting to act

Responsibly, they
pull somethin' like this.

When are they ever gonna
grow up? And look who I'm asking!

Oh, hey, sweetie. Sorry
that took so long.

We kind of ran into an
unexpected problem...

Mom, did you fix that thing?

That's not quite over yet.

"That thing?" "That thing?"

Oh, "that thing" where
you two think you'll

Still be able to stay in
college campus housing,

Even though van
suspended his scholarship?

No, cheyenne, I wasn't
able to fix "that thing."

That's why we lost our housing?
You suspended your scholarship?

No. No!

No, no, no! Okay, yeah.

- Wait a minute. Didn't you
discuss this with her?
- Yes. Yes, of course.

Okay, no.

How could you not
tell me about this, van?

Well, I don't know. Sometimes it's hard
to talk about athlete stuff with you,

Because you
believe in me so much.

[Sighs] it's like you
think I can do anything.

Because you can! See?
It's always like this.

You're my wife.

It would be nice if you could
show just a little doubt sometimes.

Doubt? Doubt about what? Are you
afraid your knee isn't gonna heal?

You are gonna be as good as new,
honey. You just won't let up, will you?

No, I'm not worried
about my knee.

So why didn't you redshirt
so you could start classes?

Oh, right, and risk becoming
academically ineligible?

You have to maintain
a c-minus average.

Who do you think I
am? Albert weinstein?

It's einstein, van. No, the smart kid
in senior class was albert weinstein,

Einstein.

Oh, this is a nightmare.

No new apartment or new life.

We were gonna be the most
popular couple on campus.

Now we're not even gonna be on campus...
Or popular. All we are is just a couple!

Well, at least you can run
away. I'm the one in the vanmobile.

Van, I know you're
injured, but...

You don't make decisions like
that without talkin' to your wife!

You guys are a team!
These things affect her too!

I guess I was scared to
tell her. Scared? Why?

You were only puttin'
it off for a year.

Yeah, I guess.

Van, ever since I've known you,
you've planned on playin' college...

And then trying out for
pro. Yeah, but I was a kid then.

That was the high
school football team.

I mean, I was always the
fastest player on the field.

But now I'm not even close. God!

I was really strugglin', mrs. H,
and that was before I got hurt.

Yeah, you're right. You'll
probably be a lot slower now.

That's sweet, but I know you're
just trying to make me feel better.

Boy, you know what'd be cool?
If they could do an operation...

That turns my knee into some
nuclear-powered super knee.

Of course, they'd have to
do an operation on both knees,

Or I'd just be running
a really fast circle.

And then I'd be dizzy
all the time... Van!

As hard as it is,
I really think...

You need to talk this
over with your wife.

Hey, mrs. H. You wanna
hear somethin' weird? What?

When the doctor told me I wasn't
gonna be able to play for a while,

You know what I felt?

- Mm-mmm.
- Relief.

Does that make me a coward?

Oh, honey.

Anyone who tries to find the thing
that makes him happy is no coward.

Even though, technically,
you are scared of cheyenne.

Man, what an insane day.

All right. Cheer up, grumpy.

You don't have to go
rollerbladin' today.

But I promise you... First thing
tomorrow, I will humiliate you.

So it looks like cheyenne and
van will be staying around a while.

But good news...
Jake's moving out.

But you know what?
Let's make a rule.

Even though they're
gonna be here,

We're still gonna make time
to do all our stuff together.

- Deal?
- You mean like we did today?

Kyra, I'm sorry that I had
to blow our skating off,

But... Cheyenne had this major
crisis, and I had to deal with it.

Yeah, I know you did, mom. You
always do, and you always will.

No, believe me. We'll
skate, we'll play candyland,

We'll go down to the river
and sh**t rats if you want.

Honey, I promise I'll be
able to make time for us.

Well, you know
what? Maybe I won't.

Just because you want
to spend time with me

Doesn't mean I want
to spend time with you.

Hang on. Why don't we
go skatin' right now?

No! Can I just have some time
for myself? Would that be okay?

[Exhales]

You got a second?

Mom, I'm hungry.

I know, jake. I'm
startin' dinner.

- What are we having?
- We're havin' chick...

We're havin' hot
dogs. Hot dogs? Yes!

And guess what? We're
gonna eat 'em in the bathroom.

I've never eaten
in the bathroom.

I'll get some ketchup, mustard,

Some chocolate milk,

some relish for mom.

where do we keep the buns?

acme! [Coughing]