01x09 - Every Picture Tells a Story

[bunniefuu]

[reba] boy, this is gonna
be worth the wait.

Here you go. Fresh-squeezed
orange juice with lots of pulp.

just like mama used
to make. more, please.

No wonder mama's
right arm was so huge.

I told you... I'm not going
maternity shopping again.

Those women look at me
like they know what I did.

But, I need clothes that make it
clear I'm pregnant and not fat.

Cheyenne, I have tons of cute maternity
clothes left over from when I had jake.

No offense, mom, but you
were 35. I'm, like, half that.

Right. So what are the hip,
pregnant teens wearing these days?

Oh, it just felt like a cricket
ran across my stomach.

Get a jar!

Sweetheart, that's
your baby kicking.

No way. That's the baby?

- Van, you wanna come feel?
- No, thanks. I believe you.

Well, hello, my sweet little
grandchild. Nice to meet ya.

Kyra, cheyenne
just felt the baby.

- It's probably only gas.
- I do not get gas.

Cheyenne, we shared a room.

Come on, van. Come feel
your son or daughter.

Hey, there really
is a baby in there.

Wow, I made that!

- How?
- Okay, time to get dressed.

♪♪ [country]

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands and
the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Okay. Well, tell daddy I love
him and thank him for the book.

Yeah, if I ever decide to
hunt elk, it'll come in handy.

Okay, love you too. Bye.

[knocking] [gasps]

Lori ann garner! Reba las vegas!

You're never gonna let
me live that down, are you?

Hey, I'm not the one that jumped
onstage and mauled tom jones.

I was just trying to
get my panties back.

Get in here. What
brings you to town?

You are not gonna believe this. My
company is relocating here in the spring.

You're moving back to
houston? Can you believe it?

Thelma and louise
back in action.

Mild-mannered suburban women
by day, hot divorcées by night.

[Laughs] I'm not sure I'm
the hot divorcée type.

[Chuckling] am i?

Of course you are. You just need
to learn the ropes and how to use 'em.

Have a seat. All right. Catch
me up. How's the divorce goin'?

Well, right now we're at the
"dissolution of property" stage.

Two words of advice: k*ll him.

I took robert for
everything he had.

And he deserved it. Sleeping
with your housekeeper.

No, that was john.
Husband number two.

I kinda miss him, and so
does my housekeeper.

See, if I have the proper
tools the job would...

[door closes] hello, brock.

Hello, lori ann.

My, you've put on a few pounds.

That's my fault.
We eat cake in bed.

You must be barbra jean.

Please, everybody calls me b.j.

I wonder why.

Hey, lori ann, uh, you
might wanna run outside,

I think they're about
to tow your broom.

Barbra jean, would you go fetch
jake? I'm gonna grab the cordless drill.

Oh, brock. Here's
an idea for you.

Why don't you take all your
tools back to your condo? Why?

Because you live there.

Brock, the lawyers told us to do an
inventory so we can decide who gets what...

Before we move
on to the next step.

Okay. We're off to the build
your own teddy bear store.

We're gonna build
our own teddy bears.

Honey, make sure you build a teddy
bear for your new niece or nephew.

Cheyenne felt the
baby move today.

Oh, honey, that's
gre... I mean, reba.

- That's great.
- I've been feeling
our little sprout kicking too.

You wanna feel my belly?

I'll take a rain
check. See ya later.

Brock, remember, when you get back,
you're gonna go through the garage with me.

All right. reba,

How can you even let
that woman in your house?

I know it seems a little strange,
but the kids need to see their father.

And b.j.'S with brock so
she's part of the package.

It was brock's package got you
into this mess in the first place.

"Although you may have
gained seven to 10 pounds,

The fetus weighs
in at five ounces."

So, most of that weight is you.

- Okay. Stop reading that.
- No, no. It's fascinating.

Feeling him move was like
my wake-up call. It's real now.

Hi, baby. It's daddy.

Talk to the baby, cheyenne.
It says it helps you connect.

Van, I'm pretty much
plugged in already.

Hey, do you think he's hungry?

Maybe he'd like a yogurt or a
piece of fruit. A banana sounds good.

No, no, no. I'll get it. You stay here. I
wanna do whatever I can to help the baby.

Really? Well, you know
what else would be nice?

A foot massage. I
mean, for the baby.

You think so?

It relaxes me, and
if I'm relaxed, so's he.

Makes sense.

Mmm. [Giggles]

Mmm. That feels so good.

The baby is so loving this, van.

Oh, right there. Yep. Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

- Mm. Yeah.
- Why does this
sound so familiar?

It always amazes me the
junk a man can accumulate.

Actually, that's mine.

He was cuter in the catalog.

Boy, there sure are a lot of
memories in this old garage.

Yeah, what? Like these
beat-up old golf clubs?

[Chuckles] I bought those for
brock when he was in dental school.

Oh, man. He saw 'em in a store
window, and I knew he had to have 'em.

So, I scrimped and saved and gave
'em to him on our third anniversary.

How does it go from that
to dissolution of property?

Oh, we had our problems.

When I asked him to move out,
it was just to give us a break.

Then he had his midlife crisis.

I thought he'd buy his motorcycle,
get tired of it and come home.

Now it's here and he's not.

I'm sorry, honey.
Divorce is hard.

But if it's any consolation, the
second and third are much easier.

[Laughs]

Now why is the sight of
two women hugging so sexy?

Because men are pigs.

Well, then you must love bacon,
'cause you keep marrying us.

You know, brock,

The only reason men and women
get together is because the parts fit.

So that's all we're
good for, huh?

Some of ya aren't
even good at that.

All right, you two. Brock,
most of your stuff is over here.

You know, reba, my storage
space at the condo is kinda tight.

Then drive it to the
dump on that motorcycle.

Oh, come on. There are a
lot of memories in this stuff.

Say, remember the day you gave me
these? You wrapped each club individually.

[Chuckling] yeah, I remember.

Get 'em out of here.

Fine, I'll work something out.

You know, this divorce was going
just great till you showed up.

- You think I was
too hard on him?
- Hell no!

This is all good. You
should be celebrating.

I tell you what. Tonight
is girls' night out.

Oh, thanks. I don't think I'm
ready for the bar scene yet.

- Am i?
- Hell yes.

Reba? Yeah?

When did brock first
start dating barbra jean?

Oh, I don't know. Let's see.

We separated a year ago,
so it was sometime after that.

- Are you sure?
- Why? What are you looking at?

It's a group picture of brock and some
other people with leis around their neck.

Oh, that must be the
dental convention in hawaii.

- I couldn't get away
because of the kids.
- So he took b.j.?

No. The convention was in '98.
He didn't meet her till after that.

Then why is she in the picture?

I can't believe this.

okay, attention, shoppers.

Anything belonging to my cheatin'
dog, soon-to-be-ex-husband...

Is on sale now at
rock-bottom prices.

How much for this
old baseball card?

Mister, this is a very rare,
nolan ryan rookie card.

My husband would
die if I sold it. One buck.

Thanks. You bet. Thank you.

[Chuckles] what do you
want for the golf clubs?

Keith, for you, $10.

I only have five. Sold.

- Now, why did that
feel so good?
- Revenge always does.

Even at these prices, you're gonna
have a nice little pile of mad money.

And I'm just mad enough to
spend it all. Drinks on me tonight.

I like bitter reba.

- Reba, what is going on?
- It's a garage sale.

Your stuff is
flying out of here.

Hey, that's my
fishing pole. Hey...

All right, everybody, put everything
down and get out of my garage.

What are you, insane?

Where are my golf clubs? Here they
are. They take up less room this way.

Reba, why are you
selling all my stuff?

Because most of
it isn't flammable.

What did you do to her?

Who did you do in hawaii?

Brock, let me ask you something.
When did you and b.j. Get together?

- Oh, come on. We've been through this.
- Come on. Tell me when.

I don't know, uh, 10 months ago,
after she started working for me. Why?

- So, you never knew her
before you hired her?
- Well, of course not.

You're a liar.

Recognize the woman in the
beret? Reba, where'd this come from?

Wrong answer.

No. I know this looks bad,
but it's not what it seems.

Oh, come on, brock. She's
standing right there in front of you.

But, it's impossible. I didn't
even know her back then.

I did not have sex
with that woman.

I didn't. Well, not then.
Look, I didn't even know her.

Reba, I swear I am
telling the truth.

Look, brock, I've cut
you a lot of slack...

Because we've been married for 20 years
and have three beautiful children together.

But you crossed a line.

You were cheatin' on me while
you were still living in our house.

No, no, no. Reba, look,
you gotta listen to me now.

Get out. Reba, I
swear I am tell...

Get out. Yeah, but...

Out!

Van, did the baby and I spot
a brownie in the kitchen?

Yes, you did. Can I have it?

No, you can't. Chocolate
has caffeine. That's a drug.

Van, the amount of caffeine
in a brownie is, like, nothing.

Yeah, maybe to you, but to a
five-ounce baby, it's a major score.

Fine. I'll just watch tv.

[Tv on]

Oh, no, no, no. No cartoons.
They're way too violent.

That dog has a giant
mallet behind its back. [Tv off]

Van, the baby's in my uterus,
not in a pouch looking out.

Okay. It still can affect him.

You want me to give up chocolate
and television? What's next, sex?

About that...

Oh, no, no, no. Hey,
I like it too, but...

Knowing he's right there
suddenly makes it weird.

Please. Why are you
fighting me on this?

You're starting to get
annoying. You weren't

Complaining when I
was brushing your hair.

That was far less annoying. Okay,
maybe I'm going a little overboard.

But I wanna be the best
father this baby's ever had.

You have no idea how
happy that makes me.

But other stuff
makes me happy too.

Yeah, I'll admit I'm having
second thoughts on sex.

Mm. Thank goodness. But only late
at night when the baby's sleeping.

And you have to be very quiet.

Hey, I am not the one
screaming, "go, van."

[lori ann] let's
grab that table.

Reba, you have got to
quit dwelling on brock.

What you're doing to yourself isn't
healthy. Bartender, two shots of tequila.

I'm trying, lori ann,
but it's not easy.

I look back on my life and wonder
how many other lives there were.

That fishing trip he took every
year. Was he after bass or b.j.?

[Coughs]

And those dental emergencies.
Just exactly who was he drilling?

Honey, stop torturing yourself.

The important thing
is you're moving on.

That was mine.

I trusted that man.

I swear... If they were right in front
of me I'd throttle the both of 'em.

Would you settle for one?

Hello, reba. What
are you doing here?

Oh, wait. I know.

You're waitin' to see if I meet a man
so you can snatch him away from me.

Reba, I understand why
you're suddenly so angry at me.

[Forced laugh] suddenly?

But I'm not here
on my own behalf.

I'm here because of brock.
I've never seen him so upset.

B.j., I have nothing
to say to you.

As for brock, my lawyer
will do the talkin'. You go, girl.

Reba, I was not at that
convention with brock.

In fact, I didn't even
know brock back then.

I didn't believe brock and guess
what? I don't believe you either.

- But it's the truth.
- B.j., You were there.

Whoo.

You were in the picture. I
know. But not with brock.

I was there with
somebody else's husband.

What? Little old bald man
to my right. Dr. Schneider.

Look, there are things I've done in
my life that I'm not very proud of.

It's why I turned to god.

But, unfortunately, before I
found jesus, I found dr. Turner,

dr. Baker,

Dr. Martino and dr. Simpson.

Well, dr. Schneider
you already know about.

The girl's a tooth tart.

I would just die if brock
ever found out about my past.

If she's tellin' the truth, she
just put a grenade in your hand.

Brock and I worked together
until he moved into the condo.

He would never have
done what you think.

B.j.? It's been a while.

Dr. Gomez.

I gotta go.

[keys rattling]

hey, mom. How was your night?

Interesting. Why're
you sleeping down here?

Because I couldn't
sleep upstairs.

Van kept waking me up
to ask how I was sleeping.

I remember when I
was pregnant with you.

Your father got a
little nuts too. [Exhales]

Do you know he would actually
carry me around so I wouldn't get tired?

Oh, I should've thought of that.

And then when I would get
tired, I'd fall asleep in his arms.

And when I'd wake up, I'd find
him there just staring at me.

I'd open my eyes and there
he'd be, just smilin' and starin'.

That is so sweet.

Yeah, it was.

[knocking]

Reba.

Well, just don't stand
there. These things are heavy.

So, this is what the
old condo looks like?

It's nothing like
I thought it'd be.

Why, what you'd think it'd
be like? The playboy mansion.

Brock, I jumped to conclusions
yesterday, and I'm sorry.

Well, given the circumstances,

I guess it wasn't
that far a jump.

So what changed your mind?

It doesn't matter. What
does matter is I believe you.

Well, thanks. It
means a lot to me.

I know we've gone our separate
ways, but it doesn't erase what we had.

Yeah, we had a lot of
great years together.

You know, after what I've done,
it's gonna sound kinda crazy,

But, in a way, I still love you.

I know you do.

But things are different now, and
it's time for both of us to move on.

Come by later and pick up
the stuff that didn't sell.

Hey, reba?

Thanks for the golf clubs.

You're welcome.

Oh, and you owe me a
hundred dollars for 'em.

That kid, keith, he's a crook.