01x08 - Don't Know Much About History

[bunniefuu]

[woman on tv] deep breath in.

Hold and release.

Fill your world with peace.

Breathe in.

Hold. Hold!

And release. Hah!

Hah! [banging]

Thanks. Sorry about the tree.

Do I know you? My
daughter plays the clarinet.

- Not anymore. I switched to tuba.
- Why do you hate me?

- Mom, tuba's cool.
- But I thought you loved
the clarinet.

It's so... Pretty and quiet.

I outgrew that.

♪♪ [Harsh note]

Hi, mom! Hey, buddy! Ooh.

Hey, kyra, I know
we live in texas,

But that necklace is
a little over-the-top.

- Good one, dad.
- Wow!

You wanna look inside? Yeah!

Don't you dare.

- Mom, something
terrible's happened.
- Oh, my gosh. Are you okay?

No, it's not me.
I'm fine. It's van.

I flunked my history midterm.
Now I can't play football.

Oh, thank god! Oh, my god!

What happened? I
don't know. I blew it.

I'm sorry. Now we're gonna lose
the game on friday all because of me.

Isn't it enough that
he is a football star?

Do they expect the boy
to be a brain surgeon too?

I'll take care of it.
I'll talk to the teacher.

I'll get him to give you a
makeup test. Oh, thanks, dad.

What's the use? I flunked
once. I'll flunk again.

Failure is not an option.

Now, look, if you don't
play, we lose the game.

No play-offs, no championship,

No big, shiny trophy
in my dental office.

- We're all counting on you, son.
- Hey, coach, ease up.

Van, look at you.
You're a mess. Here.

Take your husband upstairs
and try to get him to relax.

Uh, thanks, mrs. H, but I can't
even think about sex right now.

♪♪ [country]

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands and
the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

All right, come
on, now, van, focus.

All right. Who fought
in the w*r of 1812?

Soldiers.

- Which soldiers?
- I'm supposed to know
their names?

Van, what countries?

Oh, I'm sorry. I have no idea.

Come on. Keep your head in
the game, son. All right. Look.

Let's start with an easy one.
We'll build up your confidence.

In what year was the
w*r of 1812 fought?

Van, come on. You know this one.

Yeah, but it feels
like a trick question.

No, it's not a trick
question. It's 1812.



All right! Stop yelling at me!

How's it going?
We're in trouble.

No, we're good. We're making
real progress. Right, van?

Please, no more questions!

Okay, I think it's time
for a new approach.

You two, outta
here. I'm takin' over.

[Chuckles]

- Thanks, mrs. H,
but it's hopeless.
- No, it's not hopeless.

Let's just figure out where your
weaknesses are and start there.

Do you have a copy
of the test you took?

Okay.

All-righty. I see the
trouble started early.

You spelled "van" wrong.

sh**t! I knew that one!

Honey, you need to
learn how to relax.

Take a deep breath and do this.

Hah!

Kah!

There you go. Now,

Let's start with the
first one you missed.

Number one.

"Who is john brown?"
Some abolitionist.

He tried to arm the
sl*ves before the civil w*r.

Right. But for "who is
john brown?" You said,

"C, the godfather of soul."

Stupid! Stupid! Easy.

Stay calm. Let's
try another one.

"Which president made
the louisiana purchase?"

Thomas jefferson. Right again.

You've been holding out on me.

Van, it's obvious you know
this stuff. What happened?

Well, I looked at the
questions, and I started thinking,

If I flunk, I can't play.

I won't get into college
or get drafted into

The nfl. I'll have to
get a regular job.

Then cheyenne will think I'm a loser, and
my baby will have to wear cheap diapers!

I never thought I'd say this, van,
but you've been thinking too much.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it. It's just
my band friend.

We're gonna
practice. Okay, honey.

But van needs to study. Can you
take your friend up to your room?

Really? Yeah.

Hey, kyra. Hi, bryan.

Hello!

- You're a bryan.
- Mom.

I'm mrs. Hart.

Nice to meet ya, bryan.

[Chuckles] hi.

So, you're a tuba player.

And now you're a tuba player.

Yes, mom.

Well, this has been nice. Come on,
bryan. Let's go up to my bedroom.

Bedroom? Hold up,
hold up. Change of plans.

Kyra, you and brian
can practice down here,

And van and I will
go into the kitchen.

What's the matter? Don't
you trust bryan with me?

No. Awesome.

- [brock] you ready, son?
- I hope so.

"Hope"? That's not a winning
attitude. That's a hoping attitude.

Remember, we want
him to stay relaxed.

Right, right, right. We're
calm, feelin' no pressure.

Ready to kick that
test's... A-double-s.

I know what that spells!

- Come on. I'll drive
you two to school.
- Bring your plates over.

Thanks, mrs. H, for everything.

Just remember,
you know this stuff.

Okay.

And to get you started out
on the right foot, it's v-a-n.

Got ya.

Have a seat.

Mr. Devaney, I just
wanted to let you know...

The entire football team appreciates
you givin' van this makeup test.

Why's that? Is he in the band?

No, he's our best player.
Don't you go to games?

I'm afraid I don't care
much for ball sports.

But I do enjoy a good civil w*r
reenactment. You ever done that?

Well, one halloween, I dressed up as
mary todd lincoln. Does that count?

Just relax. Don't be nervous.
Nothin' to worry about.

The whole school's
behind you. You're the man.

Okay, I'm the man. [tapping]

You're the man, van! [Cheering]

[Mutters]

Okay.

V-a-n.

Now we're cookin'.

somebody's been... Busy.

- Looks like you missed a spot.
- [Scoffs]

[Laughing]

I was trying to make bryan your
famous chocolate chip cookies,

But I couldn't
find the recipe. Oh.

Here you go.

You said you made them from
scratch. So will you when bryan asks.

Speaking of bryan, he's
a little hottie, isn't he?

Mom, nobody says
"hottie" anymore.

We're just friends. We
share a love of the tuba.

Oh? Are we talking about
the hottie tuba player?

Would you two
get a life? [door opens]

- Hey, is van back yet?
- He should be home soon.

He's waiting for the
teacher to grade his test.

- What happened here?
- Kyra's in love.

- I am not. I'm baking cookies.
- For a boy.

I'm not sure I like that.
Do we approve of this?

As long as she wears oven
mitts, I don't see the harm.

- So who is this young man?
- Nobody. Just a boy from band.

Oh, a band kid. That's fine.

Hey.

- Hey, honey.
- How'd it go?

I got my a-double-s kicked.

Too bad it wasn't
a spelling test.

Wanna go to a movie? No.

You wanna fool around? No.

You wanna eat a pizza? No.

Mom!

Be honest.

Would you have married me if
I weren't a big football stud?

Honey, I'm pregnant.
I had to marry you.

Feel better?

- You "mom'ed"?
- He's turning down food. I give up.

Flunkin' a test is always
hard on a marriage.

- I blew it.
- Van, you flunked a test.

So you sit out a
game. Try it again.

It's not the end of the world.

Maybe it'll do you
good to take a week off.

And do what? Hey,
you're a smart kid.

Football is just one option.

It's not like it's
your life. Yes, it is!

That was decided back when I
was a 140-pound third grader.

[Chuckles]

Nonsense.

No one's life is decided
in the third grade.

It's not like you're
an olsen twin.

There's gotta be something that
you like to do... In your spare time.

I don't have spare time
during football season.

Well, what do you like to do in your
spare time after football season?

Get ready for next season.

High school is a time
to try new things.

There's gotta be somethin'
else that interests you.

Well, there is this one thing I
always sort of wanted to be.

But I don't know if I'd be
good at it. Oh, come on.

You can do anything
you set your mind to.

You really think
so? I really do.

So what is it you'd
like to be? A celebrity!

A celebrity.

Well, you don't
have to decide today.

♪♪ [discordant notes]

Yeah! I think we really
had somethin' goin' there.

Yeah, I felt it too.

Hey, check this out.

♪♪ [Discordant notes
continue] [dogs howling]

- Wow.
- Yeah. That's my loudest note.

- You want another cookie?
- Sure. These are great.

hey, guys.

Wow, kyra. You look
beautiful in that tuba.

- Doesn't she, bryan?
- Yeah.

Are you spying on kyra?

Only when the music stops.

Mom, they're wearing tubas.
If they kiss, we'll hear it.

I took your advice, mrs. H. I'm not
gonna let football rule my life.

- I'm gonna be
in the school play.
- A play?

Yeah. I figure it's a
step towards celebrity.

And they needed another frontier
scout for the alamo experience.

I get to wear a hat!

- That's great, van.
- You're gonna be in a... A play?

[door opens] [brock] hey.

Good news. I pulled
a few strings,

And mr. Devaney has agreed to
give you another shot at that test.

Oh, thank you, daddy.
Van was gonna be in a play.

Ooh.

Another test? No,
no, no. Same test.

That way you don't have
to learn anything new.

You take the test tomorrow morning,
you're back in the game friday night.

Coach, I'm in a play friday
night. I'm scout number four.

The other scouts are counting
on me. So are the wildcats.

Maybe I can be in the game next week.
But the play only runs this weekend.

Although if we're good, we
might get to do it for the kiwanis.

He's really excited
about the play.

He's more excited about playin'
football again, right, buddy?

Well, I made a commitment.

I mean, they already
measured my head for the hat.

Van, the fellas in
the drama guild...

Must have another little friend.

Now, look, you're not just
any high school athlete.

You actually have a shot
of getting to the pros.

I'd hate to see you blow that.

You're right, coach. I
don't wanna let you down.

All right.

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

He was trying to tell you something,
and you weren't even listenin'.

Oh, come on. He's not quittin' football
just 'cause he's feelin' a little stress.

It's more than
just a little stress.

He's put so much pressure on
himself, he can't even spell his own name.

And it's an easy name.

Pressure's part of the game.
He's got to learn to deal with it.

Remember, I was a pretty
good high school player myself.

You were also a pretty good
student. That's why you're a dentist.

Look, he's got to
get an education.

There's no guarantee
he'll ever get into the nfl.

Life doesn't always work out
the way you thought it would.

I always thought
I'd be a singer.

But... This kid is special.

I didn't have a tenth
of the talent he has.

Maybe that's why you had
so much fun playing football,

Because no one expected
great things from you.

He's 17.

He's carrying the
weight of a school,

A wife and a baby on his back.

It might be time for
you to climb down.

A-b-b-d-c...

How am I supposed
to remember this?

Well, use a memory trick.

Make a-a sentence out of words
that start with those letters.

A bad, bad dog...

Craps a bad crap at dog birds.

Good. Yeah.

So, uh,

That play you were gonna
do, do you have any lines?

Just one, but it's a big one.

- We'd like to hear it.
- Really?

- Sure.
- Well, okay,
but I need a moment.

Be nice. I'm nice.

Captain martin! Captain martin!

Santa ana's regiment was
spotted off the west wall!

- Is that it?
- Well, I'm supposed
to be wearing a hat too.

Oh, sure! Well,
with the hat, yeah.

I felt like I was there.

Listen.

If you told them you were gonna do
the play, that's what you should do.

You sure, coach?
What about football?

I'm more interested in
what you want to do.

Look, when you're ready,
football will be there.

Thanks. Hey, be honest.

Do you think I should do my line
louder, or maybe with an accent?

Definitely not louder.

last cookie. Do you want it?

Oh. Yeah, thanks.
You're pretty cool.

Thanks. You're cool too.

When you played the clarinet, you
used to sit next to melissa berg, right?

Yeah. What about her?
Well, I was wondering,

Would you be able to
find out if she likes me?

Sure. I'll ask her.

Don't ask me if I
have any eights.

Why? You have any eights? sh**t!

Don't ask me if I have any
kings. Do you have any kings?

Go fish.

Oh, this is way better
than game boy. [door opens]

- I hate the tuba.
- Uh-oh.

hey, kyra, wait. Jake, there's
fresh cookies in the kitchen.

You want me to leave, don't you?

Yeah. Wanna talk about it?

What's to talk about? He
likes stupid melissa berg.

Oh, honey.

These things happen, kyra.
Boys can be really stupid.

There are tons
of guys out there.

It wasn't until my third boyfriend
that I found someone to marry.

Maybe you shouldn't be gettin'
advice from your older sister.

Way ahead of you, mom.

Honey, you don't have to change
yourself to make a boy like you.

Yeah. And no matter
what they say,

The stereo does not sound
better in the backseat.

Cheyenne, we have to do a lot of
work before you become a mother.

[reba, van chuckling]

Oh, van, thanks to you, I will
always remember the alamo.

The alamo. The alamo.

Yeah, I was pretty good,
except for that one part.

Hey, soldiers trip. I bought it.

Hey, in the spring I'm trying
out for the musical. [Chuckles]

Oh, boy! A musical!

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hi there. Oh, man, the game.

- How bad was it?
- Well, I'm not sure
you wanna know.

We won. Oh, that's great!

- So they don't really need me?
- I hope you're happy now.

- The kid's crushed.
- This is sweet! [Shouts]

If he's crushed, his acting
certainly has improved.

They won without me.

Yeah, 28-20. I never would've
believed it if I hadn't seen it.

The other guys really
stepped up their game.

Wow! Do you know what a relief it is
to know that they can win without me?

- That makes me wanna play again.
- It does?

Oh, baby. Oh! Oh!

Come on. Let's go upstairs
and study for the test.

Okay. But if you get all the
answers right, maybe we could...

Come here, now.

They're gonna be
exhausted after finals.