01x04 - Marie's Confession

[bunniefuu]

Hank, if you're watching this,

shut it off, immediately.

If you have found this tape,

that means that you have been
in my shoe closet,

which I had expressly
asked you not to do.

So turn it off.

So, I am Marie Schrader.

This is my video diary.

My...

court-appointed therapist,

Dave, asked me to do this.

He said that I am high-strung.

Well,
he didn't actually said that to me,

I read it in his notes
when I peeked at them.

I find that diagnosis insulting,

not to mention, patently untrue.

Is it "plainly untrue"
or "patently untrue"?

Because
it's not "pay-tent leather shoes,"

it's "pa-tent lether shoes".

And when did it become "Halley's comet"
instead of...

It's "Hay-lley's comet".
It's Bill Halley & the Comets.

I'll tell you what it is.
It is America,

and our inferiority complex
to the British.

We feel inferior to the British.

And how long is that gonna go on?


And I seem to recall
some serious butt kicking

that went on in 1776.

What the hell is up with Madonna?

You're born in Jersey City
or wherever.

You're not the g*dd*mn
Queen of England.

So stop talking like you're,
you know,

Dame Judy Hellen Mirren,
for God's sake.

It's embarrasing to America.

I hate her cone bra.
Her metal cone bra.

I bought it for a Halloween costume.

It was more confortable
than I though it would be.

I liked it.

It surprised me.

I felt powerful.

I am going to say "pa-tently"

instead of "pay-tently."

I am my own woman.

So, yes,

very nice, Dave.

Progress!

All right.