01x01 - The Warrior

[bunniefuu]

- I know
what you're thinking.

What type of maniac wakes up
at dawn to punch boulders?

- I'll tell you who.

My good pal,
Knuckles the echidna.

It all began on
the Mushroom Planet,

where old Knucks got
tricked into helping

the very evil
and very filthy

Doctor Mustache escape.

He came to Earth in
search of a magic emerald

and picked a fight with moi,

which went very badly
for him, by the way.

Hey, wait a minute!
This is the wrong footage!

Why are we showing this?

and teamed up to defeat
Robotnik's giant robot

and recovered
the Master Emerald,

hence saving the universe.

Hooray!
And you're welcome.

And then, Knuckles, Tails,
and I became friends

and roommates!

Now, with all the hero stuff
out of the way,

Knuckles' only mission
is to relax and enjoy Earth,

which might be harder
than it sounds.

- Ha! A new record!

House Wachowski
is under att*ck.

- Huh?

- Pitiful.

Huh?

Ha!

- Ah!

- Whoa! What's going on?
- What kinda job is this,
Mrs. Wachowski?

- Get it off me!

Did you call us up

to fix your house
so you could hunt us for sport?

No, no, no, no, no!
I could see why it
might look like that,

but one of our kids
gets a little...

Your kid did this?

He's a... really big kid.

With a huge imagination!
Thinks he's a warrior.

Always training, questing.

As well as stalking,
hunting,

and occasionally terrorizing.

You know how kids
are at that age.

You'll be hearing
from our lawyers.

I am so sorry.

- Let's pack up.

What?

Victory is mine!

And never has
it tasted so sweet.

Mm! One day, I hope to visit

this Cool Ranch of Doritos

and bask in
all of its splendor!

- Chip?

- I'm good.
- Hmm.

Oh, boy. Poor guys.

That's the fourth crew
this month.

But, I have to say,

Knuckles is
in incredible shape.

Do you think he's more cardio
or weight focused?

It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.

He looks fantastic.

Do you think the house
is ever gonna get fixed?

The living room is getting
pretty cold at night

with that giant hole
in the wall.

Boys.

We need to talk about
our little red barbarian friend.

I could use some backup.

Knuckles is just having
a little trouble

adjusting to his new home.
It wasn't easy for me

to understand this planet
at first, either.

When did you start
getting so wise?

I read a lot
of cereal boxes.

Also, I had a family
that was patient enough

to let me figure things out,

so we have to do
the same with Knuckles.

Let me talk to him
when the time is right.

Alright, Sonic.

But, in the meantime,
do you mind asking him

- to get our dog off the roof?

Concentrate, Wolf.

An att*ck can come from
anywhere at any time.

- You must have steely focus.

- Steelier.

Steelier... Steelier...

- Steelier!

You know what?

I think now is a good time
for that talk.

Yeah, I think so, too.

Come on, Ozzy!
Yeah.

- Good boy!

Hey, big guy.
Mind if I join ya?

Man, this place
is beautiful, huh?

- No.
- What? Really?

You don't think Green Hills
is a beautiful place to live?

- No.
- Not even a little?

- No.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Really look around

and tell me you don't
think this is--

- No.
- Okay, fine!

We'll circle back
to this later.

It's time we had a talk.

You know,
hedgehog to echidna.

Listen, moving to a new world
was tough for me at first, too.

But trust me.
This planet is special.

It's your home now.

An Echidna warrior
has no home.

I only remain on Earth
because I made a vow to you

and the fox.
One I intend to keep.

Hey, I respect that.
But we won.

Robotnik's gone, and there's
no new battle to fight.

No new quests
to embark on.

Which means,
for the first time,

you can take a break
from being a warrior.

And Earth is the perfect place
to do that.

So, relax.
Get comfortable.

- Make yourself at home here.
- Hm...

Perhaps you are right, hedgehog.

Allow me to meditate
on your words of wisdom.

Perfect.

My work here is done.
I'm gonna do...

fun things.

Hm...

Yes.

I shall make myself at home.

Right.

Boys! Breakfast is ready!

Good morning,
Pretzel Woman.

Morning, Knuckles.

Is that an Iron Throne
at our breakfast table?

Good morning!

- What is that?

It is merely the seat
that designates my role

as family champion.
If you wish to claim it,

you must simply defeat me

in a ritual battle
of trial by combat.

What do you mean,
"trial by combat"?

Come, fox.
I will show you.

I heeded the hedgehog's advice

- and made myself at home!

Wow! Love what you've done
with the place, Knucks.

It's very, um, Conan chic.

Nope!
This is not happening.

We are not turning
our living room

into some kind of
gladiator fighting pit.

Warrior fighting pit.

- Whatever! And wh-what
is Ozzy doing here?

Ozzy has bravely volunteered
for the first match

by challenging
his greatest enemy.

Enemy? What enemy?

Is that our mailman?!

Please!

I just wanna go home.

I am so sorry.

That's it!
Get down right now.

You are grounded!

I have no idea
what that means.

Well, I definitely do.

It means
no battling enemies.

No leaving
your room on quests.

And most of all,
no warrior-ing.

How dare you.

In the name of
Great Chief Pachacamac,

- I swear you will
regret the day you--
- Excuse me?!

- You will regret...
- Uh!

- the day you...
- Uh!

Knuckles, word of advice.

Do not mess with Maddie

when she's this mad.

Very well, Pretzel Woman.

I will accept my grounding...
with honor.

Great. I'm gonna
be late for work.

Uh, Maddie?

We may have another issue.

It looks like Knuckles built
part of his throne out of...

our car.

Our car...

Oh, gosh. Okay, um,

Tom is out of town...

- Maybe Wade will pick me up.

Okay.

Hey, this is Wade!

I can't answer
the phone right now.

I'm training for
the biggest tournament
of my adult life.

Wish me luck!
After the beep. Beep!

Alright, Wade.

You got this.

You will bowl a strike
right now

because you are
an excellent bowler.

But, more importantly,
you are a good person.

You help old ladies
cross the street.

You leave positive reviews
at restaurants,

even when the service
is just meh.

You are pretty,
yet you are approachable.

But, most of all,

you are an excellent...

- You're gonna choke, loser!

Susie, I have begged you
a thousand times,

please do not insult me
in the middle of my backswing.

Maybe I wouldn't insult you

if you weren't such
a freaking loser!

Well, maybe I wouldn't be
such a freaking loser

if you weren't insulting me!

Wade, get it together.

The Renegades need you.

Roll one strike, and we win.

But don't do it for me.

- Do it for you.

Wade, this is what
the Swahili tribesmen call

-"kufafanua wakati."

"The defining moment."

The moment when you rise up

like the flaming phoenix
and scream,

"I am Wade Whipple, and I am
an unstoppable warrior."

I am Wade Whipple and
I am an unstoppable warrior.

Annihilate this little girl,
Wade.

Crush her spirit.

Humiliate her so badly,

her parents won't even
look at her again.

Doesn't this seem like
we're going a bit far?

Not far enough.
You can do this, Wade.

And by do this, I mean
crush that tiny girl's skull.

Hey, you can't talk
to her like that.

Just who do
you think you are?

Oh, I'm so happy you asked.

I'm an acclaimed writer
of historical fiction.

- I'm a man who knows his way
around a vegetable garden.

But at my core, I'm someone
who uses his keen instincts

to hunt the world's
most dangerous animal.

Man.

Jack Sinclair, bounty hunter.
At your service.

I'm sorry about my friend.
H-He's like that with everybody.

Are we gonna bowl or what?

Squash her like a bug.

Okay, Wade...

- We won!
- We won!

No...
Wait, wait. Let's wait.

Let's wait
before we celebrate.

We don't know
if the pin's gonna drop yet!

Go down!
It can still go down!

- Come on! Come on!

No!

I'm sorry, Jack.
I failed you.

- No.

You didn't fail me, Wade.

You failed the Renegades.

I know, and I will up my game
by the Tournament of Champions.

- When we get to Reno,
I will be a--
- A warrior?

Yeah, a warrior.

I don't think so, Wade.

Warriors don't get mentally
and emotionally decimated

- by young children.
- To be fair,

she has the soul of a very
old... witch of some kind.

To win in Reno, my team needs
the strongest of warriors,

and you, Wade Whipple,
are not a warrior.

- You're off the team.
- Oh, no, no. Come on, Jack.

Please, I will work harder!

Besides, who are you gonna
replace me with in time
for the tournament?

Little Susie.

- What?!
- She's a fearless,

stone-cold k*ller
on the lanes.

She's 5 years old!

Her hands aren't
even big enough!

She puts one hand in
one hole!

Plus, her parents are loaded and
they're renting a stretch Hummer

- so we can ride
to the tourney in style.
- Hi.

That sounds
very fun and cool.

Yeah. It will be.

Maybe I could go
as an alternate.

I'm afraid there's no room
in the car for you, pal.

- No room in a stretch Hummer?
- That's right.

Now, if you don't mind,

I'm gonna need to collect
your bowling shirt.

My job is to make sure things
like this don't happen actually

'cause that is theft,
technically,

but you can have it back.
I'll give it to you.

Hm, she wears it well.
Fits her like a glove.

You take care now, Wade.

And if you ever need
a bounty hunting,

- call me.

Such a cool jacket.

I lied to you about
the stretch hummer.

We just don't want you there.

You're the worst friend ever,
Jack Sinclair!

- Hey, buddy. How's it goin'?

Leave me be, hedgehog.
I took your advice.

And now, I lay banished
on the floor of shame,

with nothing to do
but plot my revenge.

- Against you.
- Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

Lighten up, big guy.
Being grounded isn't that bad.

I lived in a cave
for seven years.

You can survive
a few days in an attic.

Look at all these great
options you have. Like...

- comic books!

- Music!

Video games!
They have come a long way
since the '90s.

- Ah! Where have you sent me?!

And viral dance videos!

- See what I mean?

Use this time to relax.

You'll be out there warrior-ing
before you know it.

Okay, good talk.

The hedgehog
could not possibly understand.

- O wise Echidna Elders.

I seek your guidance
in my hour of need.

Please, send me a sign.

Are you kidding me?

The Mets lost again?

- Ah! Assassin!

Relax, Knuckles.
It's me.

- Chief Pachacamac?

It's good to see you,
my boy.

Now, put down
the rubber chicken

and give your old chief a--

Oh, right.

I'm a ghost...

Thank goodness you're here.

I have completed my quest
and found the Master Emerald.

But with my work complete,
what becomes of me?

Knuckles!
Your quest is not complete.

It's only begun!

You are the last
of the Echidnas!

And so,
the legacy of our people

is in your hands.

Guide me, O Great Chief.

I want you to train
an apprentice

in the ways of the Echidna!

Teach him our customs.

Show him our traditions.

And soon, our tribe
will grow once again.

But where will I find
such a student?

Right here.

Wade Whipple?

I know this man.
He's no great warrior.

Neither were you
when we first met.

He may not look like much,
but he's special.

- In here.

He seeks to compete in
a Tournament of Champions

in a mystical place called...

Reno, Nevada.

Tournament of Champions.

There is much glory
to be found in such a contest!

Train him as a warrior!

The fate of the Echidna

is in your--

- Oh!

Stupid widow.

- How does this ghost stuff
even work?

- Ah! There we go.

Our fate is in your hands!

I won't let you down.

Alright, you baby-man.

- It's time to get ripped!

No, I'm not! I'm weak!

Oh, I'm gonna die today.

Oh, help me. Help! Help!

Wade Whipple,
this is no time for lying down.

I come to you
with an urgent need.

How did you get in here?

A true warrior can
conquer any stronghold.

Not even the strongest barrier
can contain his might.

Came in through
the open window, huh?

Yes. Yes, I did.

You seek to compete
in the upcoming
Tournament of Champions

in Reno, Nevada.

I will take you there.

This tournament is my destiny.

Yeah. It was mine, too.

Until I lost my spot
on the team.

How?

You were bested by a sworn enemy
in trial by combat?

I was brutally trash-talked by
an 8-year-old girl named Susie.

So, yes. Yeah. The same--
The same thing.

And you do not wish
to reclaim your honor?

No, I-I do. I wish to reclaim
my honor bad. It's just...

Jack Sinclair was right.
I'm...

Not strong. I'm not tough.

I'm not a warrior.

But I am.

I can train you
in ways of the Echidna.

Teach you every form
of lethal combat.

Show you the secrets
to all my strength.

Then, I could use that
to challenge Susie

in a trial by bowling combat

and earn my spot
back on the team.

Yes. If you take me
on this quest to Reno,

I will make you
a true warrior!

- As the great Echidna
Chief Pachacamac did for me.
- Pachacamac.

I think my sister went
to sleepaway camp there.

Our destiny awaits,
Wade Whipple.

Do we have an alliance?

Wait a minute.

Didn't I hear
you were grounded?

There's no way you're allowed
to leave home, right?

One cannot ground
an Echidna warrior...

For an Echidna warrior
has no home.

Alright, that checks out!

Let's do this!
Destiny awaits!

Let's go get 'em.

- Alright!

The warrior training road trip
is officially official.

Knucks.
Can I call you Knucks?

- No.
- How about Knucky?

- No. No.
- Knuckington Bear?

- Sir Knucksalot?
- No.

Knuck, knuck.

- Knuck, knuck.
You gotta say, "Who's there?"
- Who's there?

Knuckolas Cage.

Please stop.

So, tell me a little
about yourself.

You know, I-I know
that you're an alien

and that you're super powerful

and that you've recently
saved the world,

et cetera, et cetera.

But let's dig a little deeper,
you know? You have any hobbies?

Honor.

Honor is really more of
a principle than a hobby.

- Victory.
- Hm...

Maybe I should
restate the question.

What do you
like to do for fun?

- Vengeance.
- Gettin' a little dark.

I was thinking
more like reading

o-or yoga o-or music.

Yes. The hedgehog spoke
of this Earth music.

Tell me, what is it?

Oh, I-- I can't
just tell you what it is.

I have to... I have to--

I'll put on one of
my classic Wade mixes.

Everyone at the station
loves these.

I send out a link
every Monday.

Ha! Kicked!

Not a music guy.
Noted.

Well, well, well.
Looks like we've got a runner.

Agent Willoughby.
We got a problem.

- It's a code red.

Knuckles has left
the Green Hills Zone.

We have to inform
Commander Walters.

Don't worry, Agent Fairley.

I've been aware since
the second he left town,

and I'm in complete control
of the situation.

- Uh...

Ma'am, you just took our
SAT surveillance offline.

- There's no way anyone in HQ
can track Knuckles now e...

except you.

With that device.

Uh, what's going on?

Thank you for your work,
Agent Fairley.

You are dismissed.

I hear the Mushroom Planet
is beautiful this time of year,

my friend! Enjoy!

You're pretty proud
of yourself for someone

who just kicked an unsuspecting
man in the chest.

- Yeah, I am.

Right, come on.
We've got work to do.

- What is it?

You're disturbing my work.

We have
a unique opportunity.

Wanted you to be
the first to know.

One of the aliens...

has left Green Hills.

He's in the wild.

Which one?

- Knuckles.
- Ah...

The muscle.

His powers
are exceptional.

But, without
his little friends,

he's vulnerable.

I've been scouring the world
for these quills.

They're the key to
everything I'm building.

You can build an evil
petting zoo for all I care.

As long as you
meet our price,

we'll bring you
the echidna in 24 hours.

Careful, Agent Willoughby.

You'll need more
than arrogance.

I'm sending you something
to even the odds.

- Something very special.

Because anyone who goes
against Knuckles...

- ...better be ready

for the fight
of their lives.

Grapes was an interesting
choice for, uh,

someone who doesn't use
their individual fingers.

Hey, when does
the training sesh start?

You know,
is there some kind of

official warrior
training manual

or a pamphlet of some kind?

Maybe some literature
I could get a look at?

That was the great
Pachacamac once said,

"You cannot train for battle

without first knowing
your battleground."

Hm... You wanna
see my battleground.

Get ready to have
your mind blown.

- Knuckolas Cage.

- This is my battleground.

This is not
a place of battle.

It is a playground
for adult idiots.

What's up?

Okay, granted, the quests
you're usually on

might be a little more...
high stakes.

But trust me.
Many a battle

has been won and lost
between these very lanes.

Plus, bowling is
a beautiful game.

- Come on, I'll show you.

- Ha!

You smashed those pins
with no mercy.

I'm beginning to understand
your interest in this game.

Yeah. You know,

there's another reason
I love bowling so much.

It's kind of a big reason.

My dad.

See, my dad taught me
everything I know about bowling.

Taught me how to get
the perfect spin on my sh*t.

Taught me how to nail
a 7-10 split.

Taught me which Buffalo wings
would give me indigestion

and fill me with regret
in the morning.

He was the best bowler ever.

What happened to him?

TJ Maxx.

Is that the warrior
who slayed him?

A fearsome name indeed.

It's a discount
department store.

One moment, we were in
the men's department

looking for warm-ups.

Next moment,
he was gone.

He abandoned me.

He abandoned my family.

But, sometimes,

when I'm between those lanes,
it's like we're together again.

Just playing my favorite game
with my dad.

So bowling is the thing

that makes you feel
at home in this world?

Yeah. I guess it is.

Oh, awesome!
We got here just in time!

Come on!

Amazing.

It glows with the power
of a falling galacti-star.

Actually, I think
it's glowing with the power

from the laundromat
next door.

Grasp it.

Feel its power course
through your ginormous hands.

Take aim at your pins and...

What?!

We gotta get you
to Reno, man! Wow!

Jack Sinclair's gonna flip
when he sees this. Yes.

It is nothing
an apprentice like you

cannot achieve in due time.

You think I could do that?

Thanks for believing in me,
Knuckles.

You know, most people think
I'm just kind of a joke.

I do not make jokes,
Wade Whipple.

I make warriors.

What devilry is this?

Sorry,
this lane is reserved.

- What's up, Knucks?

Okay, so this is because
Knuckles is grounded, right?

- Who's the idiot?
- Does it matter?

- Get down!
- Whoa!

I get it! Rules are rules!
If he's grounded,

don't let me get in the way
of disciplining him!

Don't try anything, echidna.
You're coming with us.

- You think you can
take my power?

- Do I look like
I need your power?

What are you talking about?
Of course, we need his power.

It's the whole reason
we're here, to get his power

- and sell it for lots
and lots of money.
- I know that!

I was just trying to have a cool
catchphrase moment until you--

Look alive!

Knuckles!

Ha! It worked!

Yeah! I thought
you'd be tougher, Knucks!

- Whoa!

Wade! Do something!

I told you this
was a b*ttlefield!

- Ah!

Fools! You thought
you could kidnap me?

- I am an Echidna-- Whoa!

Right, let's go.
We got him.

Cool. But, to be clear,
you didn't save me.

I sacrificed myself,
which created a distraction

which resulted in
a diversion, which...

Alright,
let's call it a team effort.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

They have Knuckles,
and it's all my fault.

I have to do something.
I have to help him. I...

...have an incredibly
dumb idea.