05x06 - Can of Worms

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Royal Pains...
I'm pregnant.

- This is your first day.
- I have the job?

Unpaid internship.

Remember I told you that
councilman retired last night?

Don't do it, Evan.

I'm gonna run for village council.

We want to buy Hankmed.

I know you're talking to Dr. Van d*ke.

But does that mean you're done
talking to Hankmed?

Well, it depends
on what Hankmed is saying.

It's still a maybe,
but an interested maybe.

- Call me Milos.
- Will do.

He continues to push
for access to Shadow Pond.

Whatever he wants seems to be there.

You've been spending
a lot of time here, haven't you?

Dima!

You still don't know
what Milos wants, right?

But maybe I can offer him
something he needs.

There may be a clinical trial
available for your condition.

- I thought you'd be taller.
- So did I.

Tell me, the fda was amenable
to our plan?

Sort of.

We'll be posted online
as a clinical trial,

but only for two weeks

and visible only to computers
with Hungarian I.P. addresses.

So we can go fishing,
just in a very small pond.

Well, it's more than I expected.

For a guy who's supposed to be dead,

you still wield an impressive amount

of government influence.

Well, we're fortunate
that my wife is both an expert

on my family disease

and a cooperative Cuban dissident.

Marisa's been great.

Once we finalize the protocols,
this will walk, talk,

and smell like a real clinical trial.

Good.

So the trap is nearly set.

The sealed indictment is in place,

and in a matter of weeks,
Milos will get off a plane...

And be arrested.

Boris, this is good news.

But incomplete, Hank.

I want to know what it is he had Dmitry

trying to find at Shadow Pond.

And I want to know what it is
worth k*lling Dima for.

Once he's arrested, Milos may...

not be so willing to reveal that.

The world thinks you're dead, Boris.

If the price of being able
to put Milos behind bars

and properly bury your brother
is living a little longer

with that mystery, isn't it worth it...

to actually be living again?

Good morning, Divya.

Hey, Sandra. Hi, Max.

Oh, another nosebleed?

Just like Rudolph!

Oh, his is red on the outside, honey.

Did it start spontaneously, like before?

Along with some picking probably,

or maybe it's related to his allergies.

Or the wind's affecting his asthma.

I can give him
a quick checkup if you'd like.

Max is one of those kids
who just catches everything.

Plus, he's late for camp.
I'm late for work.

I don't even have time to do my makeup.

Ah, the glamorous life
of a single mother.

How about this?

I'll put Max in the car,
check up on his nosebleed

while you do your makeup?

That's a deal. Thanks.

Come on.

Okay, Max, here we go.

So tell me, to stop a nosebleed,

do you tilt your head forward or back?

- Forward.
- Gold star!

Okay, let's have a look inside.

A little inflammation,

but otherwise nothing unusual.

Let me know if he develops
any other symptoms

or if you'd like me
to give him a closer look.

Of course. Thanks for your help.

Max, say thank you to Divya.

Thank you to Divya.

You are welcome.

Oh! Bless you.

It was nice to meet you,
and you as well.

And you, sir.

Your eyes are striking.
May I just say that?

Um, you know what? Uh, nice to meet you.

I want to thank all of you for coming.

Sir, thank you so much for coming.

Thank you so much
for coming, sir, really.

Um, look at this hair, huh?

It's like a bird's gonna
fly out of there.

Okay, can I have a picture
with your baby?

Do you mind?
You guys want to get in too?

Okay, Paige. Say cheese.

Dr. Sacani's been with Hankmed
for almost a year,

but recently spent the winter
in Greenland?

- Iceland.
- Oh, that's right.

The icy one's green,
and the green one's icy,

and no one can tell you why.

Iceland is a semantic translation

of their words for "is" and "land."

Greenland was named by Erik The Red

to attract settlers.

Oh, well, look at that.

Now tell us what "Ikea" means.

- Hello, Shelby.
- Oh.

Hello.

Jeremiah, do you mind seeing
if Hank is here for me?

Not at all.

Divya Katdare
is the other member of Hankmed

who toured Savannah.

Oh, you're also with Symphony.

Yes, and I understand
we might soon be saying

the same for you.

- Eugene Sims.
- Nice to meet you.

I'd love to stay and chat,

but I've got to jump
on this call with Dr. Van d*ke.

Pleasure meeting you,
Ms. Katdare. Shelby.

Dr. Sims is the big boss.

- Hmm, checking up on you.
- No, checking up on you.

He's pushing me for a decision
on who's gonna run

the concierge program by Monday.

He's a big Dr. Van d*ke fan.

Then he and Dr. Van d*ke
have that in common.

- Paul's a good doctor.
- Okay.

But would he have diagnosed
my M.S. off of a broken finger?

I came here for Hankmed, so help me out.

What's Hank's achilles' heel?

What floats his boat?
Where's his "yes" button?

I'm sorry, but you're gonna
have to ask Hank.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, may I have your attention?

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure

to introduce to you my husband

and your next village councilman,

Evan R. Lawson.

Thank you very much. Thank you, Paige.

So let me just start by saying

I am so pleased to be here today.

To trample the habitat
of the piping plover?

Not sure what that means,

but, uh, sir, sorry, would you mind...

unrestricted development is destroying

the biodiversity of long island.

If people like you are elected,

our children could grow up never seeing

an eastern tiger salamander
or a banded sunfish

or a swamp darter.

So, yes, yes, I would mind.
I see it's going well.

So maybe... we can talk about
this afterwards if you'd like.

Let me ask you something.

Have you ever held
an eastern tiger salamander?

Because I suggest that you do

and that you look it
in its tiny, little eyes,

and you tell it face-to-face,
man-to-salamander,

how it can kiss
its breeding ponds good-bye

'cause you need your double venti

- corporation-blend coffee drink.
- Stop!

- And how the best place...
- Watch... wa... sir, wa...

- for your new parking lot...
- Look at... wait, wait... look out.

Where you want to stick
your big, fat SUV

- right on top of...
- Everybody look out!

Everybody stay calm. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God! Aah. Help! Somebody help!

- I'm sorry. Are you okay?
- Get it out of me!

- You want me to...
- Get it out of me now!

- Oh, my God, I'm sorry!
- Oh! Oh!

- No, never do that!
- Oh!

I didn't do it! It was the wind!

Don't take the object out.

Depending on what it's hit,
you could do more damage.

- Oh, God.
- You're trying to k*ll me!

No, I'm not. You were
screaming, "get it out."

Sir, I'm a doctor. Hank Lawson.

- What's your name?
- Pat.

Wait, Lawson? Are you related to him?

Yes. We're brothers.

- Oh, God, I'm gonna die!
- What do you need?

Betadine, clinda solution, lidocaine,

a suture set, and an irrigation tray,

maybe a rubber glove.

Pat, I need to probe the wound, okay?

This is gonna be a little uncomfortable.

Whoa, more uncomfortable
than getting stabbed

by a flying umbrel... oh, God!

- Sorry. Sorry.
- Stop!

But I need to be sure
no organs were damaged.

- No, stop it!
- Okay.

- Ugh! Aah!
- Okay.

Yeah. And it looks like nothing
went past the fascia,

so you're lucky.

Oh, super lucky, that's me.

Jeremiah, would you
anesthetize and irrigate?

- Can you stitch it up here?
- Yeah, definitely.

But to help with any
lymphatic fluid buildup,

I want to make a penrose drain
out of a rubber glove.

- Of course you do.
- Grab me a glove.

Thank you. Good.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay. Good.

All right.

- What are you doing?
- I'm inserting the drain.

Oh!

All right, you're gonna feel
some pinching.

Oh, yep! Pinching!

- Okay.
- Oh, God.

- It's going through.
- It's going through?

Yes, it's going through.

Okay.

And...

There we go.

And...

There.

Why would you even bring
that homicidal umbrella

on a day like this?

The weatherman said it would be hot.

He doesn't control the weather!

Think for yourself, puppet man.

Oh, man.

Look, Evan, he's gonna be okay.

Yeah, I'm not.

This is a full-blown
P.R. crisis now, Paige.

How am I supposed to recover
from this? I can't.

Wait a second. Maybe your dad can help.

Would he talk to me?
Yeah, I'm sure he would.

But maybe you don't need that.

Maybe this whole thing will just...

Blow over? Really?

Okay, I'll ask.

Thank you.

Would you describe your pain
as dull or sharp?

Sharp. It comes and goes.

Okay, so abdominal pain,
gastrointestinal distress.

Could it be
Montezuma's revenge's revenge?

- Uh...
- I was in Mexico last week,

and I used the tap water
to brush my teeth,

and I threw up all night.

Now I don't feel well,
so revenge's revenge.

Ah. Well, barring any symptoms
between then and now,

it's unlikely to be related.

Well, I guess not, then.

Were you there on vacation?

No. Business.

Have you ever heard
of SkinnieMinnie cocktails?

Low-Cal mojitos, margaritas.

- You know.
- You're the "Minnie."

And that's the skinny.

So what do I need... antibiotics?

No, I think what you have
is probably just a stomach bug

that's been going around or
maybe a touch of food poisoning,

for which you can blame the Hamptons,

not the habañeros.

Can you tell us about your diet?

It's not a diet. It's a lifestyle.

- Your trainer?
- Slash-nutritionist,

slash-life coach, slash-boyfriend.

- His name's Todd.
- My name's Todd.

Hi, Todd. I'm Dr. Hank Lawson,

and this is Divya Katdare,
my physician assistant.

- Hello.
- Seriously?

Why would you call a doctor
when you have me?

Because you're not a doctor.

- Uh, listen, Todd...
- No, you listen.

Just because you went to medical school

doesn't mean you know
all about the human body.

It means I know something about it.

Everything we consume is medicine.

Food is medicine. Vitamins are medicine.

Medicine is medicine.

Yeah, I get where
you're coming from, I think,

but of those three things,
one requires a prescription,

which requires a doctor.

All we require is unprocessed foods

and functional training.

And supplements.

Supplements?

Vitamin "D," vitamin "E,"
i-theanine, magnesium,

glucosamine, creatine, a daily
super green, and a probiotic.

Have you added any
or changed quantities recently?

No.

Okay, well, until
your stomach settles down,

my advice is to lay off the supplements,

get plenty of fluids, and I'll
prescribe you some loperamide

for the G.I. issues.

You don't need that.

What you need is more intestinal flora.

- Todd...
- I know what I'm doing, Minnie.

Seriously, I got this.

Uh, personally, I love intestinal flora,

especially this time of year,
but just in case.

Thank you.

Okay.

Get it out! Get it out of me!

- You want me to pull it out?
- Get it out now!

No, Evan, never do that!

At least he got it out.

Daddy.

Well, he's not exactly Mr. Universe.

Evan's in a panic over this.

He thinks his campaign is over.

Nothing's over
till the last ballot is counted.

Isn't that what you used to say to me?

Yes. But if you said it to him,

I think it would mean a lot more.

You know how he respects you.

I thought he was afraid of me.

Terrified... but in a respectful way.

I don't know, honey.
Maybe the best thing is just

to wait five minutes
till the next knucklehead

shows up on the Internet.

I don't mean to be critical.

It's just, I've never found him
to be the most serious person.

Okay, but Evan has no idea
how brutal it can be.

You do. So can you just
set him straight?

Sweetie, I'm a four-star general

and a United States senator.

A personal pep rally
for a local council candidate

is sort of below my pay grade.

But I'm also your father, so...

Just don't tell anyone.

Thank you.

Max, you okay, honey?

Let me get you some water, Max.

No, you've done an amazing job.

I mean, the methodology, the research,

the physician BIOS...

it definitely looks and feels like

a real clinical trial,

which is, obviously, the whole...

Idea.

I need to call you back.

Who was that?

That was no one.

Why are you stealing my milk again?

Forget the milk. Why are you setting up

a fake clinical trial?

You're supposed to be
up in the big house, right?

Not eavesdropping on my conversations.

Oh, that's funny,
'cause my eavesdropping

just told me that you might be headed

to the actual big house.

So what's going on?

I can't tell you, okay?

But I swear it will all
make sense eventually.

Okay, I don't care about eventually.

I care about right now,
because right now

the only explanation
I can even come up with

is that you're involved
in some kind of insurance fraud

- or something.
- Well, I'm not, okay?

- Trust me.
- Just trust you? No!

Henry, that's not how this works.

We are brothers, and we're partners.

And what I just heard in there
isn't only about you.

It's about us, our lives, our business,

all of it.

So, for a change,
how about you trust me?

So Dmitry is dead...

and Boris is alive?

Mm-hmm.

- And you've known this since?
- Budapest.

Oh.

I didn't tell you
because Boris wants to keep

the number of people who know
to a minimum,

particularly given
what Milos is capable of.

Okay. Why can't he just
be arrested over there?

He could, with enough evidence,

but all the attempts
on Boris' life were made here.

Oh, that's interesting.

Are Paige and I safe
in the castle or...?

That's the first thing I asked.

Milos will never get
within 50 miles of this place,

as long as we stick to the plan.

What about the thing?

The thing he was having Dmitry
look for...

- do you know what that could be?
- Don't know.

But whatever it is,
we have to let go of it

and focus on getting Milos behind bars,

for Boris' sake.

Okay. All righty.

- Okay.
- I'm in.

You're...

- Tell me what I can do.
- Nothing.

You're not part of the plan.

But... I'm in.

But...

- You're not.
- But...

Evan, the plan is to let
Milos think he's coming here

to be part of a clinical trial,
land at JFK, and get arrested.

That's it.

We deviate from that,
we start taking risks.

But if you really want
to do something...

- I do.
- You can buy me more milk...

Two percent.

That's really very funny.

I'm supposed to be
at Hotel Hampton later today,

schmoozing and boozing.

There are gonna be photographers, Hank...

professional photographers.

Okay, well,
I'll prescribe you some Benadryl

and a topical steroid,
but that's treating symptoms,

and I want to treat the cause.

- With antibiotics?
- With a diagnosis.

So did you stop taking the supplements?

Well, much to Todd's chagrin.

He means well, I swear.

If it wasn't for Todd,
I wouldn't be Skinny Minnie.

I'd be Minnie-Minnie-Double-Chinny.

High-school nickname.

Uh, did you lose the weight recently?

In college, thanks to diet and exercise.

- Good for you.
- I'm kidding.

- I totally had bulimia.
- Oh, okay.

- But now, medically, you're...
- All clear.

I have been for years.

But I was bad... no willpower.

So he's like my savior.
He is my willpower.

So what do you think I have?

Well, it could be
an inflammatory bowel disease.

Ew.

So I'd like to take some blood
and schedule you

for a colonoscopy with a biopsy.

- Yay! Colonoscopy!
- It's very routine.

Now, if you do have
an intestinal condition,

some symptoms can be aggravated
by certain foods.

You know who else is aggravated?

Does he do this a lot?

Me. I'm aggravated.

- Hi, Todd.
- You cheated on me.

Wh... what? I would never...

But worse, you cheated on yourself.

Look what I found on Facebook.

Okay, that is not what it looks like.

It looks like you're drinking
a ton of beer.

Then it is what it looks like.

So, when you got sick in Mexico,

- it wasn't from the water.
- Dude, I got this.

So, when you got sick in Mexico,

- it wasn't from the water.
- No, it wasn't.

Minnie, you should have told me that.

Dude, I said I got this.

Minnie, you should have told me that.

Well, you went for a run,

and I went and did
a little market research.

You don't make beer.
How's that market research?

The bar was attached to a market?

You're angry.

I'm disappointed.

There you are.

Hello, sir.

Um...

- Are you looking for Paige?
- No. For you.

She told me about the incident
at your, uh, campaign event,

thought you might like
a little crash course

in crisis management.

Right. Um, great.

Have a seat, please.

You know, I've...
I've really just been trying

to keep the whole thing in perspective.

You know, I was gonna suggest that.

In a 24-hour news cycle,
you can't get hung up

on the little things.

I completely agree.

A stronger wind
or a sharper umbrella pole...

could've been a lot worse.

Son, you seem a whole lot
less flustered about this

than I was led to believe.

Yeah, I guess just with some distance

and some larger concerns
that have come to my attention,

I find it hard to worry
about containing a viral video,

'cause you can't anyway, right?

All you can do is sit back

and wait for the next one to come along.

And the good news is, one always does.

That's for sure.

Hey, have you seen the one
where the kittens get stuck

in a paper towel doodad?

I've been pretty busy, sir.

Of course. Larger concerns.

Anything you want to talk about there?

I'm not really at liberty to discuss it.

- I hope you understand.
- Oh, please.

Some things you take to your grave.

Well, I'd say this was
a wasted visit for you,

but maybe it wasn't for me.

I'm glad to see this new,
more serious side of you, son.

- Very pleased.
- Thank you, sir.

Did you buy that bumper sticker?

What are you doing here?

Following up. I'm a doctor.

It's what I do. So did you buy it?

Uh, no, I made it.

But that's a great idea.
I should sell them.

For the record, that's not
what I was getting at.

You're right, they should be free.

That's even better.

Oh, boy.

Would you mind lying down
on that chaise lounge

so I can get a look at your stitches?

Uh, yeah. Fine.

Uh, good. Good. No signs of infection.

Any discomfort?

Just the usual achiness.

What do you mean "usual"?

My back has been acting up

for the past couple weeks,

so as much as I'd like to,

I can't blame your corporate
shill of a brother for that.

Uh, okay. But let's make sure

there's no internal involvement
from your injury, okay?

Okay, just make it quick, okay?

I need to start printing those stickers.

No, you need to go to a hospital.

I think your back pain is the result

of an aortic dissection.

- Because of the umbrella?
- No, this is unrelated.

But I feel a pulsatile abdominal mass,

and that could mean a tear
in the inner wall of your aorta.

Come on, you're just trying
to protect your brother. This...

No, Pat, this isn't a campaign issue.

It's your life.

All right.

Ah, easy.

But why would my back hurt

because of a problem with my heart?

Because your aorta is
putting pressure on the nerves

running through your back.

Look, I know it's strange,

but that's what makes these
so hard to diagnose.

So how do they usually find them?

During the autopsy.

This has been a lousy couple days.

Bring your head down a little bit

and look towards me a little more.

This is so nice of you. Thank you.

I thought between the cough
and the nosebleeds,

could use a second opinion.

Have you had any recent fatigue?

Uh, uh, weariness.

Lethargy.

Have you been feeling tired?

Uh-uh.

He never gets tired.
I wish I could say the same.

Deep breath.

Good. Again.

He has blood in his sputum.

Blood? Oh, my God.

Why would that be there?

- Can I play now?
- Uh, not just yet.

Hold still, please.

Okay.

Don't worry. We'll schedule
some tests and figure it out.

Well, what kinds of tests?

Pulmonary function, T.B., chest X-ray.

- Did you build this?
- Uh-huh.

- Is it your own design?
- No.

It's on the box.

Oh.

It's still nice.

Um, excuse me.

Uh, may I look under this carpet?

Sure.

Wait a minute.

What are you doing?

And what is that?

Black mold.

When I got down on the carpet by Max,

it smelled musty.

Is that what's making him sick?

Almost certainly.

Children are especially
sensitive to its effects.

Uh, until it can be dealt with,

you'll have to find
someplace else to stay.

And we should alert the neighbor.

I'm the neighbor.

Then it's not safe for you here either.

Okay, I think I might have found it.

- Found what?
- What Milos is after.

Henry, look...

- At this.
- Aah!

Hey, what are you doing?

Singing-bird pistols...

Built in Geneva
by the three Rochat brothers.

Three brothers, Hank...

symbolizing the triumvirate
Milos longed for

with Boris and Dmitry... but was denied.

Triumvirate?

What are you... Ev, I told you not...

And the song the bird sings

is from a melody by Bela Bartok,

- who is from?
- North Dakota.

Hungary, just like Milos.

Ev, what did I say
about deviating from the plan?

- Not to do it!
- Not to do it! Exactly.

Now, go put your little
singing-bird pistols back.

All right.

Don't you think Boris deserves
to know the truth, though?

The guy's brother d*ed for it.

I think straying from the path
is asking for trouble.

Boris already lost his brother.
I don't want to lose mine.

The way you described him,

I expected he'd be like chicken little.

You think that about anyone
who hasn't taken live fire.

True, but you'll be glad to know

he was calm and rational
about the whole thing.

Yeah.

Okay, well, thanks anyway.

What's wrong?
You said to set him straight.

Turns out he already is.

I know. I just thought
it'd go differently.

So did I.

I even think that boy
might have a future in politics.

Great. Maybe you can be
his campaign wife.

What? Now, hang on.

Did you want me to set him straight

or scare him straight so he'd quit?

The second one.

And in my defense,
I feel terrible about it.

It's just, having stepped in for mom

over and over again during your career

and then your campaign, I just...

I know it's selfish.

I just don't want to do it again.

Say no more.

You want me to scare him
out of politics?

Hell, I'll tell him stories

that'll make him afraid to vote again!

You're sweet, daddy,

but this isn't your job,

it's mine.

Thank you, doctor. I'll let him know.

So, Ev, good news
about the guy who hates you.

Pat the protester is gonna live.

A lot of mixed feelings about that.

- Mm.
- Great.

My landlord can't say
when the mold will be gone.

I am officially homeless.

So stay here. Evan's room is empty.

Yeah, Evan's room is empty
because he lives in a castle

with 16 bathrooms,



Couldn't you move back in
to your parents' house?

Uh, it's rented for the summer,

though even if it weren't,
I can't see that going too well.

Thank you for the offers, though.

- I didn't offer.
- I meant Hank and Evan.

Oh. But you could stay at my house.

Jeremiah, you're not obligated
to offer just because they did.

And in the meantime,
I'm at the Hampt-Inn.

Oh, my God, the Hampt-Inn.

I think that place invented mold.

Can we please just get back to work?

Yeah, okay, so Crohn's usually presents

with erythema nodosum.

But Minnie's reaction
looks like urticaria.

The early inflammatory stages
of erythema nodosum

often resemble urticaria.

I think you're overlooking
the carpe diem,

e pluribus unum ad nauseum.

Not helping.

Besides, you know urticaria.
It means hives.

Oh, yeah, like I get when I'm stressed.

Could this be a stress reaction?

Well, she's definitely been
under a lot of pressure.

Well, that's what happens
when you call your drink

"SkinnieMinnie" and put your silhouette

on every single bottle.

God, you should have seen Todd's face

when he found out
she drank beer in Mexico.

Maybe she's on the Mexican
tapeworm diet.

- The what?
- The Mexican tapeworm diet.

Never heard of this?

You swallow a pill
with a baby tapeworm in it.

It eats whatever you eat,

and then once you reach
your target weight,

you take antibiotics and it dies.

Well, that's awful.

You could do irreparable damage
to your digestive system.

Yeah, also, you could die.

And the antibiotics
wouldn't k*ll the tapeworm.

You'd need anthelmintics.

Hey, all I know is a guy in college said

his sister went down
to Mazatlan for spring break,

and that's how she lost the freshman 15.

Okay, that has got to be
an urban legend.

Minnie's symptoms
are consistent with a tapeworm.

And it's an actual thing.

Look.

- Yep. Told you.
- Oh, my God.

Minnie's asked for antibiotics twice.

Wait. So I made the diagnosis?

Could someone really be that desperate

that they would infect themselves?

Maybe. Or maybe someone she trusts

is so desperate that he'd do it to her.

Todd.

She has no idea what's in any

of those supplements he gives her.

Hey!

- Hey, Shelby.
- Minnie!

Oh, excuse me. I'll be right back.

Dr. Sacani, what a happy accident

finding you in my hotel.
Skinnie tangerita?

Thank you.

- To Greenland.
- Iceland.

That was a joke.

This tastes like tang.

Yeah, let's get something else.

I love tang.

Two more.

So we say, "pack your knives and go,"

and she goes,
but she forgets her knives.

- No!
- Yes.

- And then?
- We mailed them to her.

Wow.

- Uh, Minnie...
- Hey.

This is Gail Simmons
from Top Chef Masters.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- The drinks are free, right?
- Uh-huh.

Perfect.

Okay, uh, Minnie,
I need to ask you something,

and it's gonna sound a little strange.

- Okay.
- When you were in Mexico,

did you deliberately
infect yourself with a tapeworm

in order to lose weight?

Oh, my God, no.

That's disgusting.

The only worm I ever swallowed
was in a bottle of mescal

when I was 20.

Wait. That wasn't a tapeworm, was it?

- No, not a tapeworm.
- Okay, good.

So the rich old man d*ed,

and the administrator
threw Hank under the bus

because it turned out he was an ad...

'cause it turned out he was a trustee.

Well, no wonder Hank's
so skittish about hospitals.

But medically, he was right
to take care of the boy.

I know that. You know that.

Apparently, even the hospital
board in Brooklyn knew that,

but somebody had to take
the fall, and you know who.

- Hank.
- Hank.

Is that what brought him
to the Hamptons?

That and his brother, Evan.

- Have you met Evan?
- I have.

Right. Curly hair.

- Mm-hmm.
- Where was I?

Oh, right, dead trustee.

So Hank gets fired...

No job, no hope.

- Guess what happened next.
- I don't know.

- His fiancee dumped him.
- What?

Did I mention he had a fiancee?

- You did not.
- He had a fiancee...

to be married... to.

- Right.
- Right. So...

Hank got fired... No job, no hope.

Guess what happened next.

- His fiancee dumped him.
- His fiancee dumped him.

- Minnie, over here.
- Over here, Minnie.

Have you ever heard of something called

"the Mexican tapeworm diet"?

Sure. Dumb chicks on spring break

go down to Mazatlan...

hold up. You think I did that to Minnie?

- Did you?
- Okay, couple of things...

first, if there weren't people here,

I'd be hitting you right now.

- Oh, okay.
- Second...

I don't just care about Minnie's
health because it's my job.

I care because I love her.
She's strong. She's smart.

She's successful, and she trusts me.

So there's no way
she's got a tapeworm, dude,

not on my watch.

Wait a second.

That night in Mexico,
she wasn't on your watch.

Can I see that picture of her
at that bar again?

Yeah.

You know, other than that night,
she's been perfect.

She is perfect.

Look at her.

Minnie.

She's going into anaphylactic shock.

- What do we do?
- Calm down, Todd. I got this.

Ow!

Oh, my stomach hurts.

Why is this happening to me, Hank?

I think I know, but we need
to get you an endoscopy.

Okay...

this is what's in your intestine.

Anisakis worms

from the shellfish you ate in Mexico.

- Calamari.
- Fried food is the devil.

Well, this wasn't friend enough.

That night, you weren't sick
from drinking.

You were sick because
your body was trying

to get rid of the parasites.

- Only I wasn't that successful.
- No.

And then they traveled
to your intestine,

hence the abdominal pain,
the G.I. symptoms,

and eventually,
your gastroallergic reaction

- of hives and anaphylaxis.
- Sick.

Yeah, and if you let it go, dead.

But fortunately, we caught it early,

and a few more days of albendazole

- should clear things up.
- Thank you.

Guess I need to keep
a closer eye on you.

Actually, I think it's the opposite.

What do you mean "opposite"?

You don't know what "opposite" means?

Of course I know what it means, numbnut.

I'm asking for the deeper implication.

Oh, right. Sorry.

I mean, instead of you
being my willpower,

I should be my own willpower.

I don't need you to be my trainer,

slash-nutritionist, slash-life coach.

I just need you to be my boyfriend.

I got this.

I'm gonna leave-slash-go.

Is he sleeping?

Are those sustainably farmed?

Uh...

Well, the grower said
no ladybugs were harmed

when they were cut.

Your brother said
that I was a walking time b*mb.

If it weren't
for your umbrella stabbing me,

he wouldn't have found
my aortic dissection.

So, in a way, I saved your life.

No, you didn't do it. It was the wind.

But there's no wind now, so...

Give me your spiel.

Is this really the time for politics?

Yeah. It's always time.

Come on, what's your platform?

I thought you knew my platform...

unchecked growth
and destroying the habitats

of adorable woodland creatures, right?

No, I'm... I'm serious.

We may not agree,
but the least I can do is to...

to hear you out.

I'm running

against Blythe Ballard's
handpicked candidate

because Blythe has a monopoly

on the power
of the Hamptons village council.

And I'm a guy who thinks
that when it comes to power,

there should be more than one voice.

Hmm. Maybe we're not so different.

Can I get a picture with you
for the campaign?

Sure.

Yes! Really?

- Awesome. Here.
- Hmm?

Here you go, Paige. Do you mind?

Not at all.

A very wise man once said
that with great power

comes great responsibility.

I love that quote. I live by it.

Yeah. Voltaire said that in 1832.

That's a very good guess.

No, it was actually Uncle Ben
in Spider-man.

I was wrong. We are very different.

Not bad.

- It's a little backlit.
- I can't do this anymore.

Don't b*at yourself up.

You're not a professional photographer.

No, I can't do the
political-wife thing anymore...

just stand there smiling quietly

at all the meet and greets
and all the photo ops

and the platform speeches.

I... I did it for my dad his whole career,

and I am just not ready to do it again.

I have work, and I have school,
and I have my internship.

And you... you are the one
who convinced me

to go for all of it.

Ow.

Sorry.

Paige, I'm sorry that you feel

you have to stand there quietly.

You don't. You can say
whatever's on your mind.

Okay, but that's usually,
"look at all these people.

How long till this is over?"

- Oh.
- Mm.

Why didn't you say something sooner?

Because I know how important
this is to you.

Yeah, but it's not life and death.

I know you're always there for me.

So, if you don't want to literally,

physically be there
all the time, it's fine.

- Really?
- Yeah.

So, like, you don't
need me there this afternoon?

Need you? No.

Want you?

Always.

- Hank.
- Hey.

Uh, it's not Monday
till tomorrow, right?

I know. I'm not here
to ask you for your answer,

just to say I know
what you're going through.

Uh, you're a concierge doctor

who's being courted by Symphony too?

No, but I am a patient.

And so I wouldn't associate
with a company

that doesn't put patients first.

Name one hospital that doesn't say

they put patients first.

Well, it's easy to say it.
Symphony actually does it.

Look, during residency,
I was at a big-name hospital

on an E.R. rotation,
and an aids patient came in...

homeless, uninsured.

And the administrator said
she was low priority

because she was dying.

And I thought to myself,
"when did the health care system

become the health we-don't-care system?"

And I quit, and I got angry
and cynical...

So cynical I went to business school.

When I was there,
I met the founder of Symphony,

who said three magic words to me...

"medicine before money."

And I trusted him,
and I returned to medicine,

and I've never been happier.

Your story is weirdly similar to mine.

I don't think that's weird.

Okay...

I'm gonna see you tomorrow.

No. Wait.

Forget tomorrow.

I'll have my attorney
look over the contract tonight.

Why waste any more time?

It's gonna be such a pleasure
doing business with you.

- I can't wait.
- Me too.

I'm just glad that you came,
and thank you.

And nice to meet you as well,
and you, sir.

That's the first thing I'm gonna change.

Oh, excuse me for one second. Hey!

Hey!

Oh, yes, "hey." Yeah, very good.

I'm glad you guys could make it.

Yeah, got to be supportive.

And, given the last time, prepared.

Ah, very funny,
but unnecessary this time.

You can't get injured on a balloon.

Divya.

Sandra, hey.

Hank, Evan, this is Sandra,
my next-door neighbor.

- Hi.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- And her son, Max.
- Hey, what's up, Max?

- Hey, man.
- Can I have a balloon?

- Oh...
- That depends. Can you vote?

I'm just kidding. You know what,
my little constituent?

You can have as many balloons
as you would like.

They're right over there. Is that cool?

Go ahead, honey. I'm watching.

So I'm staying with my sister
in Mattituck.

- How about you?
- I'm at the Hampt-Inn.

But not for long.
Thanks again for your help.

I much prefer a healthy kid
driving me crazy to a sick one.

Being a single parent
must be pretty hard.

Well, being any kind of parent is hard,

but it completes you
in a way that nothing else does.

It fills you with...

Max, stop that! You'll choke!

I'm sorry. I got to go. Bye.

Yeah. No, it's a good thing
you can't get injured

by a balloon.

Well, you're not supposed to eat them.

- Hey, Jeremiah, no tie.
- Not so loud, please.

Is someone hungover?

I prefer the term "glutamine rebound."

Wha...?

Front door, back door, deadbolt, garage.

W... wait. You're staying with Jeremiah?

I intruded on the guesthouse
last summer.

I don't want to intrude
on newlyweds this summer.

And Jeremiah has so much room.


not including the garage.

I'm gonna go back to sleep.

Just, uh, be quiet
when you come in, please.

Wife! What are you doing here?

Ah, I was at the printers
getting the mock-up

of my auction catalog
to take to Russel's,

- and I just couldn't...
- Resist stopping by?

- Find any parking.
- Oh.

I'm over there.

Well, cool. I'm still glad you came.

- I'd love to see the catalog.
- Yeah.

Paige, what do you mean
"my auction catalog"?

Well, technically it's Russel's,

but I'm the one who did all the work.

Did all the work... you mean,
like, going room by room?

- Mm-hmm.
- And describing everything?

Yeah. It's called
"detailing the provenance."

You have to do it for every auction.

It's called "detailing the provenance."

They do it for every auction.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What assurance have we
that dangling the contents

of Shadow Pond in front of Milos

will cause him to show his hand?

None.

But if it works, we get Milos
and whatever he's been after.

And if it doesn't, we still get Milos.

So what do you think?

I think... we change the plan.