03x09 - Me First

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Royal Pains...

Why didn't you tell Hank
that you're doing a shift

- at the hospital?
- I was going to,

but then I thought why burden him?

So Friday, Nick & Toni's
going once, going twice,

it's a date!

He said, "it's a date."

I made a list of internists in the area.

Hank, we don't ever need
to talk about this again.

Do you think you'll
be able to provide for Paige

in the style to which she's accustomed?

She's so gifted.

I know. She's, like,
the best artist I've ever met.

I'm glad you noticed.

That's more than I can say
for her other boyfriends.

Maybe you were right.

Maybe I don't know her.

Maybe I don't know her at all.

[Indistinct chattering]

I'll get it level for ya.

Tables and chairs to the front lawn.

- Thank you!
- Got it!

All china to the kitchen for the caterers,

and all stemware to the butler's pantry.

On their way.

These are gorgeous. And two days early.

So I will see you then
with fresh flowers.

The banner!

- What do you think?
- It's perfect.

[Door clicks open]

You would not believe
the craziness downstairs.

It feels like half the Hamptons

is on our front lawn.

Oh, and get this, mom.

They tried to deliver
the flowers already.

Can you believe it?

I mean, we don't even start
staging the back yard

until tomorrow.

Don't worry. I sent them back.

Daddy's fundraiser will be perfect.

You always make sure of it.

And I have the perfect outfit for you.

Since you've been wearing
so much navy lately,

I... I thought maybe
your red suit might be nice.

What do you think?

Mom?

Oh, good morning, Henry, old chap.

Good morning!

I know you want to expand the business.

I didn't realize that
included opening a bakery.

- Ah-ah! These are for Paige.
- Ow.

All right? She returns home tomorrow.

These are gonna be wrapped and waiting.

Really? Last I heard,

you thought she was hiding something.

You know what?

Total misunderstanding.

She wasn't hanging out
with that art dealer

Kassabian dude.

She was on a campaign trip.

Oh, okay. Good.

Look, I know what you're thinking.

I'm not thinking anything.

'Cause I had the exact same thought...

why would the general call me
and ask where she was?

Like, wouldn't he know
his own political schedule?

And I wasn't thinking that.

Well, she explained the whole thing to me.

See, basically they have so many events

and so many staffers running around

trying to schedule those events,

the general can't keep track of all that.

The guy's kind of old.

And after 5:00, a lot of the time

he, uh, glug, glug, glug.

"Oh, the w*r. Man, the w*r."

[Mimics crying]

Anyway, I'm making it up to her

by baking her favorites.

These are biscochitos

and choux a la creme.

Don't ever say that word
so close to my face,

and I have no idea what those are.

Mexican wedding cookies
and, uh, cream puffs.

Created, by the way,
from the original recipes

that her and her mom used
when she was little.

They do look good.

Yeah.

They look perfect,

just like Paige.

Man, I'm awesome at this
engaged-to-be-engaged thing.

Doit! Doit!

Don't make that sound.

[Cell phone chimes]

Mom!

[Cell phone chimes]

May I help you, miss?

It's okay. I got it. Thank you.

[Cell phone chiming]

[Gasps] Oh, my God.

[Sighs]

[Phone rings]

Your phone.

[Phone ringing]

This is Hank.

How long ago?

I'm on my way. Try not to move her,

and call 9-1-1.

What happened?

Someone's had a fall.

Well, was it a potential retainer?

Should I come?

No, it's okay. I got this one.

All right.

[The Blue Van's Independence]

♪ ♪

♪ My independence went away ♪

♪ I didn't listen when it said ♪

♪ rely on yourself ♪

♪ trusting someone else ♪

♪ is a path for the silent ghost ♪

Okay.

I got here before the paramedics?

- I never called 9-1-1.
- Why not?

I didn't wanna involve them.

Involve them in what?

Ooh!

[Groaning]

Ohh!

Okay. Okay. [Groaning]

Okay, no major bones
are broken or dislocated.

So other than your left foot,
which may be fractured,

and some minor cuts and abrasions,

you seem okay.

To be safe, I want you
to have X-rays and a head C.T.

It was just a silly fall.

And you said she was fine.

Yeah, and I wanna be certain.

You're cold.

Um, she needs a blanket. Can you...

Okay, I'm gonna be right back.

I promise.

Thanks.

Don't worry. This won't take long.

- Here we go.
- Ohh!

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, boy. Mm.

Do you always walk so early, Ellen?

Sometimes.

Well, it was a beautiful morning.

Seems like you have a lot on your mind.

What's on your mind now?

Maybe you're thinking about
that party that's being set up

on the front lawn.

Now that your husband's
running for office,

I bet you attend a lot of events.

My husband's campaign
is very important to him.

Winning will make him happy.

What about your happiness?

When was the last time you felt happy?

I don't know.

It's complicated.

Maybe we could have you
speak with someone

who specializes in these sorts of things.

[Laughing]

I'm not crazy, if that's
what you're thinking.

I don't think you're crazy,

but I'm worried about you.

Okay.

You look a bit tired. Late night?

Early morning. House call.

I had to get somebody to the hospital.

Well, you should've called me.

Don't worry. Everything's fine.

The patient is stable and resting.

Anything I can do to help?

Remind me again who we're seeing.

Simon Field. Age six. Asthmatic.

His nanny is watching him

while his actor parents
are in Beijing for the month

filming the sequel
to their movie The Fearfuls.

- You mean The Fearlesses?
- Oh, that's it.

[Deep, dramatic voice]
"In a world gripped by fear,

only two stand unafraid."

Why are you talking like that?

Because... wait, tell me
you've seen The Fearlesses.

Tell me you've heard of The Fearlesses.

Impossibly good-looking superheroes

who are afraid of nothing,
with the silver hair?

Okay, you need to get out more.

[Doorbell rings]

Or you hang around Evan too much.

[Panting]

People of Hankmed, hello!

Both: Hello!

You must be Toby Thompson.

That would be me. The nanny.

Although right now
I'm Toby The Terrifying.

See?

Aah!

All: [Laugh]

Did you guys bring Simon a new nebulizer?

Yep, and a refill of his medicine.

Oh. That will be a problem.

Simon's never used a machine
with a mask before.

We prefer it. It delivers the medicine

without having to hold a mouthpiece.

Yeah, Divya's right, but if you want,

we can get him a pediatric mouthpiece.

No, no, it's... it's okay.

Simon needs to learn
not to be afraid of new things.

Oh! One more thing.

Simon's a little frightened of,
well, everything.

Uh, but we're working on his fears,

so he might try to scare you.

Oh, okay.

- Aah!
- Aah!

Help me!

Help me, Simon!

I am drowning in quicksand.
Please help me.

- He did say "please".
- Okay!

Oh, if I could just reach
the top of the quicksand.

Yes!

Thank you, Knight Of
The Silver Plastic Sword.

See, Simon? You're not
the only one who gets scared.

You can be the scary one too.

Good work.

But you really gotta pick up your toys.

Oh, uh, can he do that
after I check out his lungs?

Sure. Thanks for asking.

Sure. [Sighs]

This is my super-duper magnet.

She goes first.

- I go first a lot.
- Oh, okay.

Uh, can you turn around, please?

Okay.

Deep breath in.

[Inhales, exhales] And again.

[Inhales, exhales]

You see? It's nothing.

Mm-mm!

So good news.

I hear your mom has no internal injuries

and her C.T. came back clean.

Yeah. They just wanna hold her

for observation and pain control.

Yeah. What about her psych evaluation?

The psychiatrist wants
to come back when she wakes,

but... I'm afraid she won't wanna stay.

She may not have a choice.

She was walking in her nightgown

toward the ocean.

I'm worried, and I think you are too,

about what she might've done

if she hadn't fallen down the stairs,

if she made it to the beach.

That's why you were running
after her, isn't it?

She's suffered from
major depressive disorder

since before I was born.

Over the years, she's tried
a lot of different things.

Lately her depression
seems to have deepened,

and she struggles now
from dawn until late afternoon.

Yeah, it's a symptom
of severe depression...

diurnal variation.

Yeah, she... she feels calm
in the late afternoon,

but restless at night,

and horrible in the morning.

When was the last time she saw a doctor?

Eight months ago.

It was a m*llitary doctor,
a friend of the family.

- Your dad's idea?
- No, my mom's.

She worried that her illness

would somehow hold back my dad's career,

and he wanted nothing more
than to protect her,

so he agreed.

That's what you approached me about

earlier this summer.

Yeah.

I couldn't tell you the truth,

or anyone.

It just wasn't my secret to tell.

But now that it's out,

I'll tell Evan.

I've really wanted to.

Yeah, he thinks you're out of town.

When, uh...

when my mom's having a hard time

and she needs me,
I... I say that sometimes.

It's just the easiest lie to remember.

[Yelling, grunting]

Okay, Simon, I have a question.

What color comes out of the evil
Dr. Toxin's power sword?

Yellow.

And who defeated Dr. Toxin?

My dad.

Mr. Fearless. That's right.

But now it's your turn to be the hero.

Picture this mask making you strong,

superhero strong.

With every breath of medicine in,

I'll remove one of these
pieces of yellow ribbon,

and Dr. Toxin
will lose some of his power,

until they're all gone,

the citizens of Earth are free,

and you're no longer wheezing.

You first.

Hi. Mom, I just wanna let you know

that I packed you a bag,
and I'm on my way back,

and I'm so proud of you for staying.

All right. I love you too. Bye.

Evan.

Hi.

When did you get back?

Uh, just a little while ago.

What are you doing here?

I'm just delivering a surprise.

But now it looks like
the surprise is on me.

No, you know, this actually isn't even...

What it looks like?

No, I'm sure. I'm sure it's not.

No, it's not, not at all.

- So what is it then?
- Okay, um,

I wasn't expecting
to get into this right now.

Um...

[Sighs]

Okay, I guess from...

Was there a campaign trip?

No.

Did you even leave town?

No, but...

So you lied to me.

This isn't the first time, is it?

No. But, Evan, please let me expl...

Who is it? Is it Eric Kassabian?

What?

You're obviously seeing someone, Paige.

God, it sure explains all
the last-minute trips

- and the secret phone calls.
- You think I'm cheating on you?

I should've seen this.

When I met you,
you were lying to your parents

and your boyfriend.

You've got me all figured out.

- So now what?
- You tell me, Paige.

You love telling stories.

But, actually, they're not stories at all.

- They're just lies.
- You know what? Forget it.

We're over.

Done.

[Engine starts]

Your mom and dad are very excited

to Skype with you.

[Computer beeping]

Here. Why don't you
take it into the shade

so you can see better?

[Computer beeping]

Lai zi Beijing de wenhou.

How do I say it again?

Xi de mama he ba ba.

Xi de mama he ba ba,

which means "Hello, mum and dad."

- Oh, sweetheart!
- Hi, Simon!

Hello! How are you?

Oh, you look so good! You look older.

- Xi de, Hank.
- Xi de, Simon.

- Have you grown?
- Oh, darling.

- Of course he's grown.
- His parents adore him.

They're just on location a lot.

And let's face it...

the last place you wanna
take a kid with asthma

is the air pollution capital of the world.

So is Simon okay?

Oh, yeah, he's fine.

I'm actually the one
that needs medical attention.

Oh.

Last night I tripped
on fire engine Freddy,

and I must've hit my head
when I fell to the floor.

I like the bobby-pin bandage.

I did what I could.

[Inhales sharply]

Yeah, you definitely need stitches.

Ugh.

Are you behaving for Toby?

Can you do it quickly?

Sure. I won't even numb it.

Maybe not that quickly.

[Chuckles]

So how long have you been Simon's nanny?

Uh, about seven months,

since I finished N.Y.U.

Okay.

Try to keep it clean and dry.

He seems to really like you.

Hi-yah! Wee!

Hi! Wee!

Hi! Wee!

He makes it easy.

I'm gonna really miss him

when he goes away
to boarding school in the fall.

- Mm.
- But until then,

I'm staying focused on
helping him overcome his fears.

You can't believe the progress
that he's made so far, really.

Mm.

Go on in, Simon! You can do it!

Ohh!

That's so good.

Trust me, that is progress.

Okay, okay.

What the hell are you doing?

It's a golf exercise for the angry.

I happen to be very angry...

sir.

Can I help you?

Where's your brother?

Why?

I need to talk to him.

He's not here right now.

Are you sick?

Do I look sick?

No, you just look kind of angry.

Just give your brother a message.

You tell him he had no right

to take my wife to the hospital,

then try and force her
into a psychiatric hold!

What?

You tell him I brought Ellen home,

and she's not going back.

And if she needs a doctor,

I will find her one!

Needs... wait... wait a minute.

So Hank saw Mrs. Collins?

He treated her?

After Paige called him, yes.

Paige called?
When... when did she call him?

Early yesterday.

Don't you work with your brother?

How could you not know this?

Yeah, that's a very good question, sir.

Now, when you see him you can ask him,

but first tell him
to stay out of our business

and off my property.

I...

'Cause that's what I do when I'm angry.

[Engine starts]

Oh, my goodness.

What have you done?

Uh, I was in a hurry to clean up my gear

before the Mets game started.

Do you mind? 25 years,
never missed an inning.

- Wait for a good pitch.
- Okay.

And now I won't either. Lucky me.

Hey.

Hey.

When can you talk?

Uh, well, now's good.

Trust me, he can't hear a thing.

Oh, what do you mean?
He missed the bag by a mile!

What's up?

I am dying to hear about
your plans with Van d*ke.

There aren't going to be any plans.

I have decided to cancel our date.

Cancel? Why?

All he does is talk about himself,

and that's in a hospital full of people.

I'll be stuck. Alone.

You're nervous.

I am not.

How could you not be?

You've only been with one guy
since you were what, 13?



Think of this evening as...

social training wheels,

a quick dip back in the dating pool.

Have a glass of wine at dinner

and try to have fun.

Score! Score!

Katdare, I'll pick you up at 7:00.

About that. [Cell phone chimes]

Oh, make that 6:00.

Did you say something?

Yes. I wanted to tell you...

Training wheels. Tiny dip.

I'll see you at 6:00.

- Yes!
- Oh, and don't do fancy hair.

Why not?

'Cause it's the law. Good-bye.

[Cream puff whooshes past]

Whoa.

Trying to tell me something?

No.

General Collins
has a message for you, though.

[Sighs]

He said stay the hell away.

- What?
- Yeah, he stopped by

after taking his wife home
from Hamptons Heritage.

No, no, no, no, Ellen shouldn't be home.

She should still be
under supervised care.

Oh, really?

'Cause you just always know
what's best for everyone,

don't you?

Has Paige talked to you?

Why would she talk to me
when she can talk to you?

The only thing I know for sure right now

is that Ellen Collins was
clearly yesterday's emergency.

I wanted to tell you.

You have no idea how badly I wanted to.

When we were in Florida, I tried...

Florida?

How long have you known?

I wasn't sure about anything
until yesterday

when Paige called for help,

but I've been hinting for weeks.

Oh, you've been hinting? You don't hint.

This... this is not a game.
This is my life.

Evan, you're right. It's not a game.

But I'm bound by
doctor-patient confidentiality...

Do not pull that doctor crap.

I'm your brother!

Nothing is more important than family.

I took an oath. My patients trust...

Oh, your patients?
You wouldn't even have patients

if it wasn't for me.

If I hadn't pick you up
off the floor in Brooklyn

and dusted you off,
you'd be by yourself right now

in a dark room!

And now because of you...

Paige broke up with me.

What?

Yeah, we're done. We're done. Her words.

Ev, I...

I'm so sorry.

You ruined it for me.

- Ev.
- You ruined it!

[Glass shatters]

You should've told me
the moment you knew.

That's what I would've done for you.

I wanted to tell him, you know,

from the first time Paige said anything.

It was an impossible situation.

I haven't kept a secret from him

since I broke his Han Solo
and blamed the dog.

Well, that must've been hard for you, Evan,

and Han Solo.

But, Hank, I mean, you took an oath.

He's my brother.
I mean, what was I thinking?

And I hate secrets.
I mean, they never end well.

Evan doesn't forgive easily, but he did,

and he will now too.

Just give him some time.

He knows that you love him,
and he'll realize

that you were in a complicated position...

Yeah. No, Evan likes things simple.

Yes. But he has got to see

that things can't always be simple.

Sometimes we keep secrets
for a very good reason.

Hopefully you're right.

Feel better?

I feel better because it's over.

Aw.

Okay, ready?

Do we have to?

Simon, I promise swimming is so fun.

And when you learn to swim,

you get to jump off the diving board!

I don't want to jump off anything.

But the cool thing about diving boards

is you get to feel like you're flying.

Like superman, soaring through the air.

- Ready? You go one, two...
- You first.

Aah!

[Laughs]

Toby.

Toby, stop.

Toby! Are you okay?

Simon, get my phone!

[Gasping]

Deep breath in.

And out.

Seems clear.

No rattling, but I'd still like
to do some follow-up tests.

Toby is gonna be okay.

Thanks to you, Simon.

My brave little aquaman.

Simon, The Knight Of
The Silver Plastic Sword

needs a fort.

Do you think you could use
those cushions over there

- to build one?
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Go for it.

So the E.K.G. didn't show
anything conclusive.

That's never good.
We like conclusive, huh?

Toby, the other night,

could you have fainted

before you tripped over the toy?

No, I don't think so.

Why? Do you think that's related to this?

It may be. So I'd like
to rule out arrhythmias

and neurological issues.

Not as much as I would.

Right. I'll make you an appointment

with a cardiologist.

But until I figure out
what's causing you to faint,

I can't leave you alone with Simon.

Oh, well, Marilyn,
the family housekeeper,

is coming in tonight from the city, so...

Oh. Then I'll stay until she gets here.

Wow! [Laughs]

Doctor by day, babysitter by night, huh?

[Laughs] It's super Hank!

I like to multi-task.

You, on the other hand, need to rest,

so I'm gonna put you on a monitor.

A monitor, okay. Rest, not so much.

It's pizza night. Me and Simon
go out for the works.

Hey, I have plans with a friend tonight,

so what if I had her
bring over some pizza?

The works.

Hank, Simon needs me.

I can't get sick right now.

I made promises to him.

This goes right on top...

Uh! Helmet head.

Not much you can do about it.
Might as well own it.

- Own it?
- Yeah.

Wear it like a badge of honor.

Like the slight engine burn
on the inside of my right calf?

Well, you shouldn't have worn a skirt.

[Scoffs]

Had I known that tonight's
mode of transportation

was a motorcycle,
I certainly wouldn't have.

You didn't take me
for the biker type, huh?

Ha!

That's why I ride, Katdare.

It surprises people.
It's what the V.D. is all about.

V.D.'s for Van d*ke, not...

Got it.

[Upbeat music playing]

[Laughs]

Can you believe that people
actually wait in line

to have their ear drums perforated?

Hey, good to see you again, buddy.

There you go.

Go right in.

Where are you going? What about dinner?

I wanna work up an appetite.

Her too.

You got it.

[Doorbell chimes]

I'm so sorry.

I shouldn't have lied to you.

I can't believe I lied to you.

It's okay. I know
why you did it, all right?

I get it. Just, please,
let's just not keep secrets

from each other ever.

Ever.

Knight Of The Silver Plastic Sword,

I will find you,

for I am The Knight
Of The Red Foam Tomahawk!

I got you!

And now I must eat you.

[Mimics chomping]

[Panting] Okay, kiddo,

it's time for your treatment
and sleep, okay?

Don't worry. We'll clean all this up.

Thanks. Thank Jill for the pizza.

Thank Jill for the pizza.

You're welcome, Simon. Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night!

Both: [Cheering]

[Laughs] Oh, he's a real cutie.

And she's like a comic-con Mary Poppins.

- Yup! Ha!
- Ow!

I will find you!

I'm sorry our dinner out

turned into a night
of pizza and babysitting.

You know I love a good game of charades.

Well, thank you for coming over.

You're welcome.

I mean, it's not like I
didn't have an ulterior motive.

Wait, what was your... [Chuckles]

So when's this housekeeper getting back?

I was just thinking the same thing.

Oh, were you?

[Doorknob rattling]

Hey, I'll check the back door.

- Yeah, good.
- Okay.

[Sighs]

[Gasps]

Hey, the...

[Groaning quietly] Toby! Toby!

[Glass shatters]

Jill, I need my bag

and the zoll monitor from my car.

And call 9-1-1.

[Groaning quietly] Hey, it's okay.

I can't get a pulse.

Paramedics are on their way.

E.T.A. seven minutes.

Toby may not have that much time.

Jill, take over chest compressions.

Okay, stop compressions.

[Zoll monitor beeping]

She's in V-fib. Start again.

Okay. Clear!

[Monitor beeping]

Nothing.

Clear!

Damn it.

She's in torsades.

That's why the defibrillator didn't work.

Continue compressions.

What is torsades?

Torsades de pointes.

It's an arrhythmia that
can't be stopped with paddles.

Shocking her only knocks her
into sinus rhythm

for a few moments.

I need you to continue C.P.R.

until I inject her with magnesium.

Okay.

Both: [Sigh]

Hi.

What happened?

Okay, we need to get you to a hospital.

No. Simon...

Toby, don't worry. I'll stay with him.

Thank you. It's gonna be okay.

[Siren wailing] It's okay.

- I'll meet the paramedics.
- Good.

[Dance music playing]

♪ ♪

Martini, rocks.

Apple-tini, straight.

There are two words you
don't hear together very often.

Oh, my God, I love this song.

Look, we just got our drinks.

I don't need alcohol to have fun.

Neither do I.

Tsk. [Sighs]

But it sure helps.

Whoa! Wh-whoa!

Oh, hey, hey, hey, do you surf?

No. No, and even if I did,

I don't wanna look like a complete idiot.

Says the woman with helmet head.

Fine, I'll go.

Whoa.

[Laughing]

Whoa. Whoa! Whoa!

Ohh! Ohh!

Ohh!

Hey, Dr. Van d*ke!

Let me through!

Paul!

Were you trying to make me
give you mouth-to-mouth?

Was I what? Are you crazy?

Wai... hey, come on!

Hey, I'm sorry. It was a stupid move.

On that we agree. Let me get you dinner.

It'll be so much more satisfying

to hate me on a full stomach.

It'll be tough to top
what I'm feeling right now.

Okay, look, I haven't taken a woman out

in a long time.

I'm out of practice. I got nervous.

Give me a second chance.

[Siren wailing]

Hey.

Hi.

So the cardiologist confirmed you have

long Q.T. syndrome.

And when people with L.Q.T.
are startled...

like from fire engine Freddy's siren

or Simon pushing you into the pool...

your heart can jump into an arrhythmia.

So that's what made me faint?

Yes. And sent you into seizure.

Some people with L.Q.T.
will have clean E.K.G.s

and feel no effects

except when the syndrome's exacerbated

by one of a list of medications.

But I'm not taking anything.

So what's making it worse?

Right. And what made
the L.Q.T. suddenly visible?

I don't know yet.

Perfect. I finally figure out

what I wanna do with the rest of my life,

and maybe I can't even do it anymore.

You didn't always wanna work with kids?

I didn't know what I wanted.

I wasn't good at anything.

That's hard to believe.

And you're so amazing with Simon.

[Chuckles]

Because I was Simon.

When I was little, I was the scared kid,

the outsider...
even when I wasn't so little.

It's funny. I take care of a boy
who's scared all the time,

and I'm the one that gets sick
from being startled.

Hmm.

Maybe "funny" is the wrong word.

Maybe.

- Hi!
- Chocolate chip! Your favorite!

- Cookies!
- I made them.

And Marilyn helped.

Wow. They look amazing!

Yeah, they do. I want one.

So where's Marilyn?

Just outside talking to a nurse.

We're going to take you home soon.

First you have to finish your lunch.

- You first.
- Me first?

Me first.

Uh, Toby, you always go first

when Simon's trying something new.

That's her secret trick.

And it's a good one, but, Toby,

did you ever do that trick
with Simon's new nebulizer mask?

Sure, but I never actually inhaled.

The albuterol still
could've been absorbed

in the mucus membranes
of your nose and mouth,

and it's one of the medications

that can provoke your condition.

Is Toby going to be okay?

Like one of the fearlesses,
I'll make sure of it.

With the proper medication,

she will be able to stay with you

and finish getting you ready for school.

[Chuckles]

So if I hadn't accidentally inhaled

some of Simon's albuterol,

I never would've found out
about my heart?

That's right.

You saved me again.

That's my job. I'm a superhero.

Yes, you are. [Laughs]

Do you want a cookie?

Oh, no. They're for you.

- And they just cut you off?
- Cold Turkey.

Wow.

But you didn't love the guy.

My father is many things.

A romantic is not one of them.

It took guts what you did.

Well, it was the only thing to do.

Doesn't make it any easier.

How about you?

Any w*r stories?

Me?

No, I, uh... I'm pretty boring.

Never engaged

or dis-engaged.

Happy childhood.

Parents loved me.

Harvard med on a scholarship,

and I'm working summers out here.

But I hate talking about me.

I'm sorry we never made it
to Nick & Toni's.

Who knew you couldn't
show up 90 minutes late

for a reservation?

Next date, no helmets.

There's not gonna be a next date.

[Clears throat]

It was the mouth-to-mouth thing, wasn't it?

Tsk, that was dumb. I'm sorry.

My dating skills never
progressed past high school.

You were doing that in high school?

I haven't had a lot of girlfriends.

I just haven't had the time.

And I may be a social moron,

but you have dated the same guy
since you were, like, five.

- 11.
- My point is,

we both need practice in the dating arena.

- Practice?
- Yes.

Platonic practice.

Clearly I need all the help I can get.

So how about this?

We go out again,
but we don't call it a date,

because it's not a date.

What is it then?

Two people getting to know each other.

As friends.

But we are not friends.

Not yet. But you know
how I like surprises.

You know what? This is a nice boat.

Yeah. I wonder whose it is.

Hey, mom. How ya doing?

Not ready to go down to the party.

Okay.

Well, everything looks great down there.

People are having fun.
It's all taken care of, so...

Thank you. Both.

Not me. It's all her.
She's the perfect host.

And the perfect daughter.

And the perfect girlfriend.

So basically she's just really perfect.

She is all those things.

Mm-hmm.

You two should go down
and have fun at the party.

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

Okay.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Evan.

When you were telling my mom
how perfect I am...

You know what?
Even if she wasn't in the room,

I would've said the exact same thing,

just not as forcefully.

Hey, that's my point.

You put me on a pedestal,
always telling me

how perfect I am, and it puts
a lot of pressure on me.

But you are perfect.

I need to know that
you're gonna be there for me

if everything falls apart,
which it always does.

Paige, I will love you no matter what.

I'm gonna be there for you.

With you. Right beside you.

Basically you won't
be able to get rid of me.

And I will never, ever, ever,

ever, ever call you perfect again ever.

Okay, let's not get carried away.

Ever again. [Laughs]

[Indistinct chattering]

Paige, how is your mother feeling?

Um...

You know what? It's just
a touch of the summer flu.

She was really sorry
she had to miss the party,

but the doctor's orders
were very specific.

She has to stay home and rest.

She sends her regards,

and I think she'd probably
rather us stop talking about her

and enjoy the party.

So why don't we all grab
a glass of champagne

and, uh, take our seats,

'cause it looks like
the general's about to speak.

[Trumpet playing] Yeah, there he goes.

So, uh, yeah, she's... she's gonna be fine.

Thanks for asking.

[Guests applauding]

Thank you...

[Doorbell chimes]

Look, I think...

If you're waiting for an apology...

I'm not.

You were just standing there
not saying anything.

I started to talk,
but you interrupted me.

So you weren't gonna
ask me for an apology?

- No.
- Good.

'Cause I have nothing to apologize for.

Okay. [Sighs]

You were saying?

This whole thing has been complicated,

and I'm sorry.

I am sorry for the part I played in it.

I wanted to tell you. I really did.

Yeah, just not badly enough.

Right?

It's not that simple.

Evan, I hope you can forgive me.

[Sighs]

Okay. Um, these are for Paige's mom.

She left Hamptons Heritage without them.

Okay.

The psychiatrist is willing
to see her as an outpatient

- and thinks that she sh...
- What are you doing here, Lawson?

What do you mean, sir?

You and I, we were just having some tea.

- I was just... I was...
- Not you, Evan. Your brother.

Uh, sir,

I'm here because I wanna help your wife.

She doesn't need your help.

And if you're not off
this property in two minutes,

you will be trespassing.

You staying or going?

[Sighs]