08x23 - Alexander Lukashenko

[bunniefuu]

Welcome, welcome,

Welcome to "last week tonight!"

I'm john oliver.

Thank you so much for joining

Us.

We're back... Both in a studio

For the first time in 18 months,

And with a new set and a small,
vaccinated, masked audience, one

Of whom, and I'm not saying who,
has a breakthrough case.

Not of covid, though!

Relax!
Of smallpox.

So it's completely fine.

And we're going to dive straight

In tonight with texas, a state

So big it has three official

State mammals, two of which can

Go f*ck themselves, and exactly

One of which is the armadillo.

Which is the perfect animal.

For starters, it looks like a

Possum who works at medieval

Times.

Plus, armadillos can roll up in

A ball when they're scared.

Plus, they sleep for 16 hours a

Day which, relatable, and some

Scream like this to scare off

Predators.

Good boy, you tell them.

Sadly, though, tonight can't be

All fun armadillo facts, because

Texas is currently reeling from

An incredibly draconian new

Abortion law.

Abortion providers in texas

Have started turning away

Patients as the state's new

Abortion law took effect at

Midnight.

The texas law bans abortion

After about six weeks of

Pregnancy when a so-called

"Fetal heartbeat" is detected.

A controversial term because of

How undeveloped the embryo is at

That stage.

The law makes no exception for

r*pe or incest.

The new texas law does not

Allow state officials to enforce

The ban.

Instead, it lets private

Citizens sue anyone who helped a

Woman violate the law for

$10,000.

Yeah, it's true.

Private citizens can now sue

Others for aiding in an

Abortion, whether they're a

Doctor, a clinic worker, or even

An uber driver who took someone

To the clinic.

Meaning this law has somehow

Managed to do the impossible,

And make being an uber driver

Even worse.

"Hey, you don't get health

Insurance, people are gonna be

Assholes to you, and now you

Might also have a cash bounty on

Your head.

Now get out there and beg for

Stars."

After the law went into effect

Last week, the supreme court, in

A major step, took a pass on

Intervening... Something that

Was such a huge piece of news,

Even tmz had to weigh in.

The supreme court could have

Blocked this.

Because if any law seems counter

To roe vs wade, it would seem to

Be this.

The fact that they were

Completely silent on this just

Speaks volumes.

It speaks volumes, and the

Real world impact of this in

Texas is 85-90% of abortions in

Texas happen at the six week or

Later mark.

Most women don't even know

They're pregnant within the six

Week period.

Right, and the way that, you

Know, roe worked was, it was

About the viability of the

Fetus.

It was 20 to 24 weeks.

That's a massive period of time

In which women were having legal

Abortions.

Now in texas, if you get sued

Under this law, and you lose,

They can shut down your clinic.

They shut down the clinic.

They shut the clinic down.

What the f*ck?

Congratulations, texas, you just

Broke tmz.

They shouldn't be covering this

Story.

They should be doing what they

Do best, gathering round in a

Circle of america's worst

Bachelor and bachelorette party

Attendants while harvey hydrates

From a large container, and they

All dissect something like,

Whether or not katherine heigl's

Dog got butt implants.

You know, what they're good at.

That guy in shorts shouldn't be

Having to talk about fetal

Viability.

Though I guess if he's doing my

Job, I get to do his, and spend

The rest of tonight asking you

Which hot hollywood hunk has

These summer-ready abs?

Guys?

Guys?

It's wallace shawn.

Do you know what?

This is better.

It's a better show.

This law will have catastrophic

Effects.

Providers say it would have

Prevented at least 85% of the

Procedures previously completed

In the state.

And when governor abbott was

Pressed on why he signed a bill

That would essentially force

Someone who'd experienced r*pe

Or incest to carry a pregnancy

To term, his response...

Was something.

Let's make something very

Clear.

r*pe is a crime.

And texas will work tirelessly

To make sure that we eliminate

All rapists from the streets of

Texas by aggressively going out

And arresting them and

Prosecuting them and getting

Them off the streets.

Oh, f*ck off.

Just f*ck right off.

Set aside you're announcing

"We'll arrest rapists," like

It's a brand-new idea and you're

Tim cook unveiling a new iphone,

We could talk about how abbott

Clearly doesn't understand that

It's not just scary, faceless

Criminals on the streets

Perpetrating r*pes, but most

Often, it's actually someone

Known to the victim.

We could talk about how

Arresting rapists doesn't

Actually fix the problem of

Women needing legal, safe

Abortions.

We could talk about the myriad

Of reasons women get abortions,

And how framing the issue around

The most horrific situations

Further demonizes the procedure.

But honestly, it might just be

Quicker just to say f*ck off,

Greg, as shorthand for the other

Stuff we don't have time to get

Into.

Now, thankfully, people are

Pushing back hard.

On thursday, the doj announced

It was suing texas, calling the

Law an "unprecedented scheme to

Evade judicial review," which it

Is.

And when a pro-life group set up

A website where people could

Report violations of the new

Law, people started quickly

Flooding it with tips like

Claiming the fictional

Characters in marvel's avengers

Were apparently seeking

Abortions, which at the very

Least is a hell of a pitch for

An episode of "what if?"

And some went with an even

Blunter approach.

I found this website for

Like, anonymously snitching on

People who break the texas

Heartbeat act.

You can attach any file you want

To it, so I just sent them a

Bunch of shrek p*rn.

Yeah.

"Tiktok users bombard

Anti-abortion website with shrek

p*rn" is one of those sentences

I never thought I'd have to say

Like, "everyone needs to stop

Talking about kim jong un's sexy

Bod, " and " ben affleck looks so

Happy right now!"

Look, f*cking with pro-lifers on

Tiktok is clearly funny, but

It's not going to roll back this

Law.

And texas seems to be facing few

Consequences for what it's done.

When greg abbott was asked

Whether he worried the law would

Deter investment in the state,

He said, "you need to understand

That there's a lot of businesses

And a lot of americans who like

The social positions that the

State of texas is taking."

And the thing is, so far, much

Of corporate america has decided

To not weigh in on this,

A stark contrast with their

Recent willingness to speak out

On voting rights, racial

Justice, and other social

Issues.

And it's not just silence here.

A major donor to the sponsors

And cosponsors of this bill is a

Political action committee

Belonging to at&t, who...

Pending approval of our sale to

Discovery... Are still

Technically our business daddy.

So we asked them to comment on

This, and they told us, "at&t

Has never taken a stance on

Abortion," an amazing sentence,

And "employee pac contributions

To texas legislators went to

Both supporters and opponents of

The texas legislation."

And listen, not taking a stance

On this issue, right now, is

Taking a stance.

And both-sides'ing abortion

Isn't really the pr slam dunk

They think it is.

Although it's certainly on

Brand.

At&t clearly likes their public

Statements the same way they

Like their cell signal:

Hilariously f*cking weak.

And look, the fight to undermine

The constitutional right to an

Abortion is not just happening

In texas.

The supreme court will hear

Arguments about a mississippi

Anti-abortion law later this

Year that's a direct challenge

To roe v wade.

This is not a hypothetical

Debate, but the latest

Escalation in the ongoing att*ck

On reproductive rights.

And I don't really have the

Words to express how infuriating

That is, but maybe this sums

Things up best.

Well said, buddy.

And now this.

And now, yet again, it's this

Time of year.

A fan favorite at starbucks

Is back whether you like it or

Not.

Bringing back its pumpkin spice

Latte.

Grows longer with each year.

Of pumpkins are just coming

Into season now, what is being

Used of that pumpkin spice

Flavor for the last three or for

Weeks?

And my response to him is I

Don't care.

Shut up, eric.

Nobody cares!

Eric, you f*cking nerd!

I like it.

I don't care.

I would have them together

But don't stick them in each

Other.

Get the coffee and the

Pumpkin, jam the pumpkin in the

Mill, shove it all until so I

Might live religiously.

Now bud light is rolling out

Of pumpkin spice hard seltzer.

Wait, what?

Actually, can we cut for a

Second?

Bud light?

Bud light seltzer?

Why would you do that?

I don't understand.

This isn't fun anymore.

You ruined it.

It was perfect and you ruined I

It.

Moving on.

Our main story tonight concerns

Belarus.

And I know you might be

Expecting me to play that game

Where I tell you that's not

Actually belarus, it's somewhere

Else.

But here's the thing, that game

Was supposed to encourage you to

Learn some basic geography.

And I started to get the sense

That some of you just grew to

Enjoy being humiliated by it.

Which is why those particular

People will be happy to know

That that's not actually

Belarus.

That's belarus.

Happy now, you freaks?

Specifically, we'd like to talk

About belarus' president and

Autocratic leader, alexander

Lukashenko, who has had quite a

Year.

In fact, you might have noticed

Stories about belarus popping up

With increasing regularity.

Especially since last august,

When they had a highly contested

Election which made

International headlines.

Thousands of people

Unleashing their fury in the

Capital city of minsk and

Elsewhere also around the

Country.

Mr. Lukashenko, who has ruled

For nearly three decades, has

Faced a wave of anger over his

Handling of the coronavirus

Pandemic and the economy.

Despite that, official

State-approved exit polls gave

Him an overwhelming majority of



It's true.

They claimed lukashenko won with



Which was immediately fishy for

A couple of reasons.

One, the massive protests that

Followed.

And two, the idea that any man

Could still be popular after

Nearly three decades in the

Public eye.

I've only had this show for

Eight years, and even I can

Barely stand the sight of me.

And belarusians aren't just

Furious at lukashenko for his

Handling of the coronavirus...

Although, from the beginning,

His management of it was

Incredibly reckless.

At first, he called the virus

A psychosis, and said it was

Treatable with vodka and saunas.

And at a crowded hockey game, he

Denied its existence.

I don't understand.

There are no viruses here.

Did you see any of them flying

Around?

"Yeah, that makes

Sense!

Just look around... You don't

See any covid viruses, do you?

Do you hear any ebola?

Smell any measles?

Taste any aids in the air?

No!

Of course not.

That's how you know they're not

Here!

What is here is your fearless

Leader, who's about to go and

Score a hat trick for the minsk

Midlife crises."

But lukashenko's terrible

Handling of covid is just the

Beginning here.

Lukashenko has described himself

As "the last and only dictator

In europe."

Which is, in itself, an amazing

Thing to say.

Bragging about being "the last

Dictator" is like bragging about

Being the last radio shack, or

The last person to make a movie

With harvey weinstein.

That's not an enviable title.

And sadly, for some belarusians,

He's the only leader they've

Ever known.

How old are you?

I am 22.

You're 22?

Yeah.

So, your whole life, lived

Under one president.

How does that feel for you?

Well, it feels like sh*t.

Yeah, I bet it does.

Especially since the person

Who's been in charge for that

Man's entire life is a hard

Boiled egg with a mustache who

Calls himself a dictator and

Thinks covid only exists if he

Can see it zooming around in a

Tiny little jet.

That protest was from last

September, and things have only

Escalated since then.

You may remember a belarusian

Athlete refusing to return home

During the tokyo olympics.

And back in may, this happened.

This morning, belarus is

Facing growing international

Protests and condemnation after

The country's president,

Alexander lukashenko sent a

Fighter jet to ground a

Commercial plane flying between,

Two european capitals.

And with it, 26-year-old

Dissident journalist roman

Protasevich and his girlfriend.

One passenger says roman

Pleaded, "don't do this.

They'll k*ll me."

The ryanair crew replied, "we

Have no choice."

Yeah, a journalist who

Was critical of the government

Briefly passed through

Belarusian airspace on a

Commercial flight, so lukashenko

Personally ordered a fighter jet

To intercept it and force it to

Land.

Now, belarusian authorities

Originally claimed they did that

Because of an emailed b*mb

thr*at from hamas, but records

Show that email was sent 24

Minutes after they informed the

Pilot about the b*mb thr*at.

Not to mention it was sent from

Ahmedyurlanov1988@protonmail.com

With the subject line "allahu

Akbar."

Which is just impossibly lazy.

It's one step above emailing

From badguys6969@yahoo.com with

The subject line "t*rror1st

Stuff parentheses like 9/11."

So given how much things seem to

Be spiraling in belarus, we

Thought tonight, it'd be worth

Giving you some context for

What's happening over there, and

Taking a look at exactly who

Alexander lukashenko is.

And let's start with the fact

That he is the greatest

President in the history of

Belarus, specifically because he

Is the only president in the

History of belarus.

Lukashenko won the country's

First free and fair election in



Of the soviet union, when he, a

Former manager of a state-owned

Farm, vowed to raise taxes on

The rich and defeat corruption.

He was genuinely popular at the

Time.

Just listen to a former

Aide-turned-critic recall how

People reacted to him at his

Rallies.



Listening to him instead of

Leaving the stadium moved

Towards him like an avalanche.

I remember as if it happened

Yesterday.

They were reaching out to him

Like believers to a relic

Praying for god's grace.

Women were lifting up their

Children for lukashenko to touch

Them.

Others were reaching out with

Books, newspapers, or even

Banknotes just to get his

Autograph.

Well, lukashenko was no michael

Jackson, but this is what really

Happened.

Well, hold on.

Was he no michael jackson?

Think about it.

Lukashenko was immensely popular

In the '90s, diehard fans packed

Stadiums to see him, and he

Eventually torpedoed his

Reputation because it turns out

He was an absolute monster.

To be honest, I think lukashenko

Fully earned that comparison.

And he still very much plays up

His humble farm background

Through photo ops, like this

One, where he's harvesting

Potatoes while dressed like chef

Boyardee at an orgy.

He once gave four bags of

Potatoes and a tub of lard to

Vladimir putin as a christmas

Gift, and when steven seagal

Visited belarus, lukashenko also

Gifted him produce, with "the

Washington post" poetically

Writing at the time, "there was

No hesitation on steven seagal's

Face as he took a raw, freshly

Peeled carrot from the hands of

The belarusan president

Alexander lukashenko and bit

Into it with a satisfying

Chomp."

Which is just a tapestry of

Words.

You don't even need a video to

Imagine what it was like to

Steven seagal using his mouth

Bones to break off the tip of

That rabbit hot dog.

But we are going to show it to

You anyway.

Magnificent.

No disrespect to seagal classics

Like "under siege," "hard to

k*ll," "above the law," and

Probably something called

"Hunting the fire" or whatever,

But that is the greatest film

Steven seagal has ever made.

But for all lukashenko's

Common-man posturing, his

Promises to combat corruption

Quickly fell apart.

Just five months into his

Presidency, a deputy compiled an

Investigation into corruption in

Parliament, which was said to

Have contained charges against

Various high-ranking officials.

But the government banned all

Press coverage of the report, to

The point where local newspapers

That had planned to publish the

Results of it, instead ended up

Publishing blank pages like

These.

And that was just the beginning

Of a decades-long as*ault on the

Press.

Shortly afterward, lukashenko

Replaced the editors-in-chief of

Four leading newspapers, and

Took the national radio and

Television under strict control,

Creating an environment so

Hostile to independent

Journalism, belarus is now

Considered the most dangerous

Country in europe for members of

The media... With members

Constantly subjected to

v*olence, arbitrary detentions,

Interrogations, raids and more.

And the control lukashenko

Exerts over even small, petty

Details is incredible.

Is it true that you cannot

Film the back of lukashenko's

Head?

Yes, it's true.

Is it because he has a bald

Patch?

Yeah, it's kind of very weird

Haircut.

So it's growing from one side.

Wait a minute, you're

Telling me this guy is bald?

This guy?

This guy?

This man right here?

You're telling me that this guy

Is bald?

Bald, you say?

You know, I think you might be

Right.

It looks like he grew his left

Sideburn into a rattail and then

Shellacked it onto his bare

Scalp.

The answer to the question, "is

Lukashenko bald," at this point

Is a resounding, "I wish."

But lukashenko's bizarre

Behavior goes well beyond

Censoring the media and

Force-feeding steven seagal raw

Vegetables.

Over the years, he's made

Statements like, better to be a

Dictator than gay, and, "not

Everything connected in germany

With the well-known adolf h*tler

Was bad," taking the phrase

"Playing devil's advocate" a bit

Too literally.

And if you're thinking, "okay,

But who didn't accidentally

Praise h*tler in the '90s?"

First, why are you thinking

That?

And second, just this summer he

Said the entire world "grovels

To the jews."

Which is obviously awful.

Lukashenko treats anti-semitism

The way fashion treats low-rise

Bell bottoms.

He keeps bringing it back even

When it was never acceptable at

Any point in history.

Overall, lukashenko operates

From the standard authoritarian

Playbook.

And he's repeatedly worked to

Codify his power using a

Controversial referendum in 1996

To extend his first term and

Dramatically increase his powers

And weaken those of the

Legislature, and then using a

Second referendum to completely

Remove term limits in 2004.

At this point, outside observer

Groups have reported that none

Of his last five election

Victories have been legitimate.

And throughout his time as

President, lukashenko has

Clamped down hard on the

Slightest signs of dissent.

In 2012, two men staged "toy

Protests," with stuffed animals

Holding anti-lukashenko slogans,

Objectively the cutest display

Of civil disobedience I've ever

Seen.

But that wound up getting both

Those men sentenced to ten days

In jail, a sentence that, in

Itself, actually inspired a

Follow-up protest.

In july, hundreds of teddy

Bears rained down on belarus.

They wore parachutes and carried

Pro-democracy messages.

The man behind the prank is a

Marketing executive with a

Swedish firm.

He took off from lithuania in

This tiny plane.

For 90 minutes, he let the fur

Fly.

Perfect.

I love it.

Ten out of ten.

We should be dropping

Parachuting teddy bears from the

Sky here all the time.

Not even as an act of protest.

It should just be a thing we do.

"Oh, it's 1:00 p.m., Everyone!

It's daily parachuting teddy

Bear time."

Why did we even invent planes if

We're not going to use them to

Drop teddy bears out of the sky

And instantly improve everyone's

Day?

I don't understand the society

We've built for ourselves.

We're f*cking idiots.

Now, unsurprisingly, lukashenko

Tried to cover that incident up,

Which proved to be impossible,

Due to, you know, the internet.

So instead, he tried to save

Face by f*ring two generals...

The head of the border service

And the head of the air force.

But the thing is, even though

Protests like those can be

Whimsical, what happens to

Dissidents in belarus is

Horrific.

Opposition figures have

Disappeared over the years, and

Some are suspected to have been

m*rder*d by the state.

And there have been numerous

Allegations of political

Detainees being tortured, as

This bbc journalist once tried

To demonstrate, in a pretty bold

Manner.

The opposition in belarus say

They were tortured by being

Forced to strip naked in

Freezing conditions.

So we go to a cold store in

North london where the

Temperature is -24 celsius.

So the guards forced the

Prisoners to strip naked and

Stand in this position,

Spread-eagled.

At -20, there was snow outside.

In the jargon of t*rture, this

Is a stress position.

Quick question, and it

Has nothing to do with the

Prisoner t*rture, why did you do

That?

You could have just told us the

Prisoners were forced to stand

In the cold naked.

We'd have believed you.

And we'd have been able to

Imagine what that looked like.

We really didn't need to see you

Standing there, cakes out, to

Get your very basic point.

And the thing is, that brutality

Has only escalated.

Recently, lukashenko has

Increased the number of arrests

Of human rights activists and

Journalists, and police have

Raided their offices and homes.

Just this week, an opposition

Leader was sentenced by the

State to 11 years in prison.

And even when dissidents manage

To escape belarus, they may not

Be safe.

A few weeks ago, an activist

Who'd fled to ukraine went out

For a run and was found hanged

In a park.

And while that hasn't been

Officially confirmed as m*rder

Officially confirmed as m*rder,

Come on.

I'm not sure which species of

Trees are native to ukraine, but

I don't think any of them

Naturally have belarusian

Dissidents hanging from them.

The point is, for nearly three

Decades now, belarus has

Experienced a brutal cycle of

Oppression in which lukashenko

Wins elections that are neither

Free nor fair, locks up his

Political opponents, people take

To the streets in protest, and

He violently cracks down.

It's no wonder the belarusian

People seem to have had enough.

A leaked poll showed that only

About a third of the population

Trusts lukashenko.

Which is impressively low,

Considering, remember, he

Controls the national media.

And even there, his grip is

Slipping.

Last year, presenters on a

State-tv morning show walked off

And resigned, leaving viewers

Watching this.

Wow.

That's both a brave act of

Protest by belarusian

Broadcasters, and also

Everyone's dream panel on "the

View."

And you do get the sense

Lukashenko may be feeling some

Pressure.

When marchers likened him to a

Cockroach and online polls

Showed him having only 3%

Support from his people, instead

Of simply ignoring it, this was

How he responded.

Do you really believe that

The serving president has just



Stop harassing and insulting us,

Calling me "a mustached

Cockroach," etcetera.

I am still the president of this

Country.

In no country in the world are

You allowed to insult people.

Uh, yes, you are.

Yeah, you definitely are.

I'll prove it.

Your suit's too big, you suck at

Hockey, and whatever it is

You're doing with your hair

Isn't f*cking working.

See?

Not in jail.

I'm not in jail.

So things are clearly bleak in

Belarus.

And sviatlana tsikhanouskaya...

The woman widely believed to be

The real winner of last year's

Election, and who, by the way,

Only ran after her husband,

Lukashenko's initial opponent,

Was imprisoned... Has fled the

Country.

But she's still leading the

Country's pro-democracy movement

From exile.

She's asked world leaders to

Demand the release of what's

Thought to be over 650 political

Prisoners.

And I will say, the e.u., The

U.s., The u.k. And canada have

Imposed sanctions on belarus

Targeting everything from close

Associates of lukashenko to the

Belarusian economy.

And the biden administration has

Just recently imposed more.

But the truth is, sanctions can

Only do so much.

And lukashenko doesn't seem keen

To end his reign.

In fact, many think that he's

Groomed his youngest son kolya

To take his place, because since

He was young, he's been dragging

Him along everywhere he goes on

State business.

Here he is.

Here he is again.

Here he is again.

He's in all of these photos.

I don't know when european

"Bring your kid to work day" is,

But it can't be "always."

So at this point, it looks like

The only thing that will really

Improve things in belarus is if

The people there somehow manage

To reform their constitution and

Ensure that free and fair

Elections are finally held.

And as we've seen tonight,

Fighting for those changes is

Going to be incredibly risky.

But there may be one extremely

Small way that we can help here,

Or, if not help, at least annoy

The sh*t out of lukashenko.

Because if there's one thing we

Know he hates... Other than gay

People, jews, his own bald head,

And anyone who disagrees with

Him... It's teddy bears.

And why wouldn't he?

I mean, look at them!

They're everything he's not...

Cute, lovable, and covered in

Thick, natural, hair all the way

Around.

So we decided to make our own

Special teddy bear in his honor.

As you can see, he's wearing a

Shirt with farmer lukashenko's

Favorite vegetables in a totally

Random configuration.

If you think they look like

Something else, what does that

Say about you?

And instead of dropping them

From a plane over belarus, we're

Offering them to you at this

Website, belarusbearforce.com

For the price of $19.99.

We've partnered with global

Giving to give 100 percent of

Sales to organizations fighting

For freedom of the press and

Human rights for the people of

Belarus.

So please, buy one of these

Bears.

And not just for the people of

Belarus, but for me.

We bought 10,000 of these

Things, and if we don't get rid

Of them all, I am in real

Trouble.

Go to belarusbearforce.com.

Buy one for yourself, your

Parents, your least politically

Informed coworker, or your

Friend's new baby who you have

No idea what to get because it's

Not like you've ever hung out

With it before.

So be sure to order your teddy

Bear today and support the

People of belarus!

I promise you, they are flight

Ready.

That's our show, thank you so

Much for watching.

It's great to be back.

Good night!