03x04 - Zoey's Tutor

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ♪

- I think
a carbon-to-carbon double bond

is shorter and stronger
than a single carbon--

Okay, I'm confused.

- Wait, isn't a double bond
an atom with a single bond

and one pi bond?

- I'd like to eat one pie.

- Can I say something?
- Mm, sure.

- I hate chemistry!
Hate it!

I just wanted
to make that clear.

[sighs]

- Why don't you have
a French fry?

It'll calm you right down.

- I'm already full, and
what happened to all your talk

about eating
healthier foods?

- What? The French fry,
made from the potato,

a vegetable, dipped in ketchup
made from the tomato,

also a vegetable.

So, basically, this is
like a handheld salad.

[laughs]

- What?
- [laughs]

You chew funny.

- Good-bye.

- Good funny!

♪ ♪

- Where is my black sweater?

- I don't know.

- [groans]

Where is it?

Ooh, here it is.

- [squeaking]

- [screaming]

- What, what, what, what?

- There's a rat
underneath the bed!

- Really?

- Where's the hand sanitizer?

Where is the hand sanitizer?

- It's right over there!

- [screaming]

[groans]

Call the police!
- Lola.

- Call the sheriff's department!

- It's my rat!

- What?
- It's mine.

I was doing an experiment to see
if rats could learn to dance,

but he escaped,
like, six weeks ago,

and I thought he was
gone forever.

It's my rat.

- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing!

Is experimenting with
rodent choreography so weird?

- Absolutely!

- Look, just calm down, relax,

and I'll catch the rat.

♪ ♪

- ♪ She always told me so ♪

♪ So I don't want to know ♪

- What are you doing?

- He's not gonna dance alone.

♪ ♪

- ♪ She's so free ♪

♪ She's outta the past ♪

♪ ♪

- Happily, some of you did
very well on your tests.

Sadly, many of you did not.

Next time, let's try to have
more "happilies"

and fewer "sadlies."

Your test, Martin.

Logan.

- [whispering]
What'd you get?

- Who cares?
- Ooh, that bad?

- You don't need to be good
at chemistry

when you're gonna be a famous
athlete and/or male model.

- What if you're good at both?
I mean--

Well, that was just a crime
against aviation.

- Good joke.

Bad grade.

- [sighs]
And now I'm sad.

- Whoa.

- Zoey.

- [scoffs]
Aw, man.

- Those of you who did poorly
are going to have to study

a lot harder,

unless you'd like to be back
in this class again next year.

[bell rings]

Dismissed.

- Ms. Bromwell?

- What is it, Zoey?

- I've never gotten a grade
below a B at PCA.

- Well, now you have.

- Yeah. I know.
So I was hoping maybe I could

do some extra credit work,
you know,

to bring up my average?

- I don't believe
in extra credit,

but I can talk
to some of my better students

and see if any are interested
in tutoring you.

- Um, yeah, that'd be great.

Thanks.

- Oh, Zoey.
You're good friends with Chase.

- Mm-hmm.

- Is his hair
naturally that way,

or is it a perm?

- Um, no,
I think it's natural.

- Fascinating.

♪ ♪

- I can't believe
you're gonna get a tutor.

- Might not be so bad.
Maybe it'll be a cute guy.

- Yeah, 'cause chemistry geeks
are so cute.

- Hey, I resent that.

Not all people who excel
in science are geeks.

Thank you.

- She meant
boy chemistry geeks.

- Yeah, girl chemistry geeks
are the coolest.

- Your sarcasm is noted.

- Just finish building
that trap,

'cause if I see that rat
in this room,

I'm moving to Wisconsin.

- Yeah, you better k*ll
that furry little beast.

- I would never k*ll
a living creature!

Anyway, there's no need to.

The rat will be lured to this
wedge of Jarlsberg cheese.

Then this strobe light will
blink rapidly, disorienting him.

Then a plasma bolt will fire
from this chamber,

stunning him long enough
for me to grab him

and put him
safely back in his cage.

So now...

We wait.

- Hey, why don't you just get
Quinn to tutor you?

- Yeah, we tried that once.

- It's so simple!
- It's not simple!

- Just repeat after me!

Spectroscopy...
- Spectroscopy...

- Is the use of the absorption,
emission, or scattering...

- Is the use of absorption,
emission, or scattering...

- Of electromagnetic radiation
by atoms or molecules

to qualitatively
or quantitatively study

the atoms or molecules!

- No human can say that!

- I could say it
in kindergarten!

Say it!
- I can't say it!

- Say it!
- I can't!

- Aah!
- Aah!

- You could've said it.
- No, I couldn't.

- [scoffs]

- Shh!
Look, look.

- There he is.

- [whispering]
He's going for the cheese.

- Shh.

- Okay.

Now the strobe light
should kick on,

disorienting him.

- It's working.

- Now he'll be stunned
by the plasma bolt.

It missed.

- Really?

- Zoey,
do you have a moment?

- Hi.

- I found you
a chemistry tutor.

He's one of my best students.

- Cool. Who is he?

- Well, he's--

That's peculiar.

He was right over there.

[chuckles]
There he is.

- ♪ When I finally met you ♪

♪ ♪

- Here's Zoey.
- Logan?

- Like I'm thrilled
about this.

- Logan doesn't know anything
about chemistry!

He doesn't know anything
about anything!

- Logan happens to be
one of my top students.

He got a 100
on the last test.

- Do you have to say it
that loud?

- He can't be
one of your best students.

I mean--no offense--
but he's an idiot!

- All right, that's it.

I didn't want
to tutor you anyway.

- [sighs]
That wasn't wise.

You need him.

- He's really one of your
best chemistry students?

- Consistently.

- Ms. Bromwell.

Hey, Zoey.

- [scoffs]
That hair cannot be natural.

- Logan!

Logan!

Logan!

[scoffs]

Wait a second!

- What, you weren't done
insulting me?

- I'm sorry, okay?

It's just you're, like,
a straight-C and D student.

- Except for chemistry.

- Well, how are you
so good at it?

- 'Cause my grandfather was
a chemistry professor

at Caltech.

I had to spend every summer
with him when I was a kid.

- And he taught you?

- Against my will,
and now I'm cursed

with being knowledgeable.

It's so gross.

- Well, will you tutor me?

- If I do, you swear
you'll never tell anyone?

- Why would I tell anyone?

Being tutored by you
is humiliating.

- Good.
We both promise.

No one finds out
about this.

- Let's shake on it.

- Or we can kiss on it.

We'll shake.

♪ ♪

- Okay. A reaction that absorbs
energy in the form of heat

is...?

- Endothermic.

- Good.

And a reaction
that releases energy

in the form of heat is...?

- Exothermic.
- Correct.

And how do you measure
the enthalpy change?

- Um, it's the energy used
from bond-breaking reactions

minus the energy released
in bond-making products.

- Measured in...?

- Kilojoules.
- Not bad, Brooks.

- You really know
chemistry.

- You promised
not to tell anyone.

- As long as you promise not to
tell anyone you're tutoring me.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- All right, let's talk
about isotopes.

- Wait, it's almost 9:00.

What if Chase and Michael
come back?

- Nah, they'll be sh**ting hoops
in the gym

until at least 10:00.

Okay, isotopes.

- I have to say it.

I'm a little embarrassed
for you.

- This is
a sports-related injury!

That makes me cool.

- Dude, tripping
over a basketball

on the way to the bathroom
is not cool.

- Oh, hey, Quinn and Lola.

- Oh, yeah.

- What up, females?
- Oh, hey.

- What've you guys
been doing?

- I've been watching Quinn
research rat brains

for the past three hours.

- Yeah, you'll change your tone
when I trap that rat

and lock him away
forever.

- What rat?

- What happened to your foot?

- Ah, sports-related injury,
you know.

- He tripped over a basketball
on his way to pee.

[both laughing]

- Why don't you broadcast it
on the PCA News, huh?

Hey, hey,
where's Jeremiah Trottman?

Chase has a breaking story
for him!

- Easy, pal.
[scoffs]

Hey, was Zoey with you guys?

- No, she went to a movie.

- No, she told me she was
taking a yoga class.

- Who cares? I've got to go
prove to my rat

that no rodent can outsmart
Quinn Pensky.

You ready for me, rat?

Are you ready
for a piece of Quinn?

- Okay, that's all the chemistry
I can handle for one night.

- Me too.

Oh, oh, be careful.

- Whoa.

- Uh, hi.

- Hey.
- Hello.

- What are you guys doing?

- Nothing. Talking.

Nothing.
- What are you guys doing?

I thought you were
sh**ting hoops till 10:00.

- Oh, he was on his way
to pee and--

- Be quiet!

I thought you were taking
a yoga class.

- And Lola said you were
seeing a movie.

- Yeah, it was a movie
about yoga

which I came to tell
you guys about,

and now that you know,
good night.

- We got to see that yoga movie.

- All right, I assume

we all know
why I've called you here.

- Yes, to waste my valuable time
while a rogue rat

runs hither and yon
through my dorm room

mocking my intelligence.

- No, we're not here to discuss
your "rodential" problem.

We're here to talk about what's
going on between Zoey and Logan.

They've been sneaking around,
telling us lies.

I want to know what's up.

- Why do you care?

- Because I'm a caring person.

See?

- Look, obviously, Zoey
and Logan are secretly dating.

May I please go catch
my rat now?

- Yes, go.
- No!

No one's going places

till we figure out
what's going on.

Now, let's consider
the possibilities.

- I think they're dating.
- Dating.

- The other possibilities!

- I thought Chase was
over Zoey.

- So did I.

- I--What do you mean?

I never had
a two-year crush on Zoey.

[chuckles]
Right, Michael?

- Yes, there was no crush,
you silly people.

- Then why do you care
if Zoey and Logan are dating?

- She's not dating Logan, okay?

I've known Zoey since
the first day she came to PCA,

and I know she'd never date
a jerk like Logan!

- He's one
of your best friends.

- Which is how I know
he's a jerk.

- Okay, then if Zoey and Logan
are sneaking around,

spending all this time
together,

you tell me what
the other explanations are.

- Well, they could...

you know,
they could be, uh--

I mean, for all we know, uh--

I'm gonna go find out.

- I'm gonna go
cleanse my pores.

- I have a creature
to capture.

- Am I the only normal person
at this school?

[playing light music]

♪ ♪

- I want to know
what's going on.

- I'm just taking
pictures of myself,

like I always do.

See?

- I meant I want to know
what's going on

between you and Zoey.

- Why?
What do you know?

- That you guys
have been sneaking around,

spending a whole lot
of time together.

Why?

- Why?
- Yes, why?

It comes
right in between X and Z.

- Well, the, uh...

[mumbling]

The truth is, uh...

Zoey and I are...dating.

- Liar!
- It's true!

- Zoey would never date you.
You're--you're you.

- Fine, don't believe it.

- All right.

I'll go ask Zoey.

- No! She's not gonna
tell you the truth.

- Why not?

- 'Cause she knew
you wouldn't like it.

Ha!
You know that makes sense.

- I still don't believe it.

- Well, you should.

- Prove it.

- Okay, I will.

♪ ♪

- [coughs]
Okay, what is--

- Stand back!

Put this on!

- What are you doing now,
Quinn?

- Well, I invented
a special nerve gas

that should target
a rat's central nervous system.

- [groans]

- Should put it to sleep
for about a half hour,

which will render it
catchable.

- You know, most girls'
biggest problem

with their roommate is
they borrow their clothes

without asking.

I've got one
who loses rats,

shoots me in the head
with plasma bolts,

and fills my room
with homemade nerve gas.

- Thanks.

- Which apparently
doesn't work too well.

- [scoffs]
Why isn't he unconscious?

- I'm gonna go get
some coffee.

- Don't you feel lightheaded?

Drowsy?

Oh!

You are smarter than I am.

I can't even make
a mild nerve gas that works.

I should just give up science
and get a job at Super Wall.

♪ ♪

[scooter horn honks]

- Okay...

now what?

- Get in that bush.

- No.

- Get in the bush.
- I don't want to be in a bush.

- I told you, Zoey's never
gonna admit to you

that we're dating.
- Yeah, 'cause you're not.

- I will prove it to you if--

Here she comes.

Bush!

- All right!

I don't like being in bushes.

- Hey.

- Oh, hey.
What are you doing here?

- Uh, weren't we
supposed to meet here at 4:00?

- Yes. Hey.
- Hey.

- So where should we go
today?

- I don't know.
Library? Your room?

- Yeah, you know,
wherever we can be alone.

- Right.

- Um, you know,

I think this is working out
pretty good

between me and you,
don't you think?

- Sure.
I mean, it's kind of weird.

But it's working for me.

- Yeah, listen,
I got to tell you something.

I, uh...

I told Chase
what's going on between us.

- What? I thought we decided
no one should know.

- He's my friend. I thought
he deserved to hear the truth.

You mad?
- I guess not.

I mean, I hate that I've been
lying to Lola and Quinn.

- Exactly. We shouldn't have to
keep secrets from our friends.

- Yeah, I know,
it's just chemistry.

- Yes, chemistry, you know,
which we have together.

- All right!

I've heard enough!
- Chase?

- Chase, what were you doing
in that bush?

- Hearing everything.

- Look, I wanted to tell you,
but I was embarrassed.

- You should be embarrassed.
I mean, Logan?

- I know, but he's
taught me so much.

- Oh, God!

- It's true. I mean, he really
knows his stuff.

- Oh!

Oh!

Ugh!

Oh, God.

- Wow, he's really upset
you're tutoring me.

- Yeah.

Yeah, tutoring.

[scooter horn honks]

WOMAN:
♪ 17 days on the road ♪

♪ A lot of things
will cross your mind ♪

♪ ♪

- Oh, don't feel so bad.

- How can I not?

I've been intellectually bested
by an animal

with a brain
the size of a raisin.

He won.

I lost.

- I don't even think the rat
knew he was in a competition.

- Great.

He beat me without even trying.

I'm gonna end up
in community college.

- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hi, Zo.

- Listen, I've been keeping
something from you guys.

Can we talk?

- Sure.
- Let's talk.

- See, for the last week
or so--

- [gasps] Look!
- [scoffs]

- Get him!

- Why should I even try?

He's brilliant.

I mean, even if I had
a super--

- There, rat captured.

Toss me that Blitz.

- Zoey, that was genius!

- Whatever.

- Hey.

- Hey, Chase.
- Hey.

- Listen, Zo,
sorry I freaked out on you...

back there near the bush.

- Yeah, what was that about?

- I just--

I guess it's just kind of hard
for me to understand

why you would want to date a guy
like Logan.

- Date him?
You think I'm dating Logan?

- Well, yeah.
- Yeah.

- Aren't you?

- No! Gross! Ew!
Why would you think that?

- 'Cause you guys
have been sneaking around.

- And lying about it.

- And Logan told me
you were.

[chuckles]

- I am not dating Logan!

He's tutoring me in chemistry.

- Chemistry?

[girls laughing]

- Oh, my God, Logan?

Logan, seriously?

- Oh, that's not true.

- Oh, it's true.

Logan is one of my best
chemistry students,

which is why I asked him
to tutor Zoey.

- See?

- Is that really your hair?

- Yes?

- I doubt it.

- See?

- Okay.
- We believe you.

- So why'd Logan lie?

- 'Cause he thought everyone
would rip on him

for being a chemistry geek.

- Oh, yeah,
we'll definitely do that.

- Yeah, that's for sure.
- We totally are, though.

- I can't believe he said
we were dating. Ugh!

- You should get him back
somehow.

- Yeah, you should.

♪ ♪

- Ready?
- Yep.

- So ready.

- Do it.

- Don't worry, little guy.

You'll be fine.

- [laughs]
Wow.

- You put it in his pants?

- Yep. Mm.
- [sighs]

- You know, I never
would have believed

Logan Reese knows chemistry.

- He does, big-time.

- And he's really good at it?

- Well, he's not, like,
your level,

but, yeah, knows his stuff.

- I wonder when he's gonna
notice the rat in his pants?

- Well, how long ago
did you guys--

LOGAN: Aah!
What's in my pants?

Aah! Aah!

Oh! Oh, God!

[laughter]

Help me!

- He ran like a girl.
- Yeah.

[Logan continues screaming]

- I think he noticed.

[laughter]

[Logan continues screaming]

WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ And do what
you choose to do ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

CHASE: I don't like being
in bushes.