02x05 - Bad Girl

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

MEN: ♪ Ahh ♪

TEACHER: I want you to add
exactly 3

milligrams of sodium hydroxide

to the mixture.

- You do it.

- Ok.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

MEN: ♪ Ahh ♪

♪ ♪

- No, that's too much!

[boom]

- Trisha, I said 3 milligrams.

- I know. But...

I thought it'd be
more fun to dump 'em all in.

- She's crazy!

- Relax, Henry.

- Trisha, out in the hall!

- Whatever.

- Ow!

- Man, what's up with her?

- She got held back.

Flunked sixth grade.

- I heard she got detention


- Dustin, can I see you a sec?

- Uh...

sure.

- I'd like you to switch lab
partners.

I want you to work with Trisha.

- How come?

- Because she refuses to learn
from me,

and you're my best student.
- True.

- Perhaps you'll be a good
influence on her.

Henry, you're gonna be working
with Jack.

- Good.
- Good!

- And, Trisha, you're gonna be
working with Dustin.

- Interesting.

- Be careful.

She's freaky.

- Hi. I guess I'm your new lab
partner.

[pop]
[cell phone buzzes]

- Ok, I have to take this in the
hall.

Everyone, work on the assignment
until I get back.

And behave...

Trisha.

- He hates me.

- Yeah, well, uh...we should

probably start working on the
assignment.

How many milligrams should we
put into...

Why'd you lift my goggles?

- You have pretty eyes.

- Um, thanks.

My pediatrician says I might
need glasses soon

because I don't see too well.

- So...maybe I should get
closer.

How's this?

- Very clear.

- Hey, I got an idea.

Let's go get some ice cream.

- I can't just cut class.

- Oh, a good boy!

I like that.

Gimme your arm.

- What are you writing?

- My phone number.

- Why?

- So you can call me.

MEN: ♪ Ahh ♪

[vocalizing]

JACK: Whoa! She gave you her
phone number?

- Yeah.

- Man, I can't believe she

asked you out.

- Why? She's just a girl.

- Trisha Kirby isn't just "a
girl."

- I heard she kisses guys--on
the mouth.

- Who told you that?

- People.

- You realize this makes you

the coolest kid in sixth grade?

- It does?

- Totally.
- Yeah, man.

ZOEY: Hey, Dustin!

- Uh-oh. Listen, don't say
anything about Trisha

in front of my sister.

- Hey. What's goin' on?

- Nothing.

- Dustin got asked out on a
date!

- By an older woman!

- She wrote her number
on his arm!

- Oh, my God!

Dustin has a girlfriend?

- Yeah, thanks a lot!

- How come you didn't want me
to know?

- 'Cause you're always buttin'
into my life!

- That is so not true!
Is that true?

- Yeah, it is.
- It's pretty true.

- Ok, maybe I did in the past,
a little...

but I promise not to do it
anymore.

- Good.

- So...who is she?

- Zoey!

- I'm not butting in!

I just wanna know who she is!

- Trisha Kirby.

- Trisha Kirby?

Yeah, well, we're gonna be late

to class.
- No, we're not.

- Yeah, we still got, like,


- Bye, Dustin!
- Oh!

- Ok.

NICOLE: What is your deal?

- You're squeezing our wrists.

- I do not like Trisha Kirby.

- Why, what's wrong with her?

- She's bad!
- Bad how?

- Come on, you've seen her in
the girls' lounge.

She wears way too much makeup,
and she

ditches class like every day--

- Wait, you mean that little

chickie with the tattoo
on her ankle?

- Yes!

- Ooh, she's bad.

- I know!
- Zoey...

- Don't "Zoey" me!
I do not

want my baby brother dating that
little...older woman.

- Don't you think you're
overreacting just a little?

- No! I don't want him hangin'
out with that little delinquent!

- But you promised Dustin you

wouldn't meddle in his life
anymore.

- Which is why I'm not gonna.

- Good.
- You are.

- What?

- You heard me.
Come on, Nicole.

- And my nightmare begins...

now.

- Wait...Lola?

- That's right.

- There's no way Lola could
like you.

- And why not?

- Because she's met me.

- Dude, your ego is the size--

- Shhhh!
- What?

- I just saw a cat
in the bushes.

[cat growls]
MICHAEL: Oh, yeah.

Let's see if we can
get it to come out.

- 'K. Heeeere, kitty kitty.

- Come here, little kitty.

- Where are you, kitty?

- What's your name, little
buddy?

- Come to daddy.

- Meow.

- Wait...that doesn't look

like a cat.

- Uh-uh.

- That looks like a--

[skunk squeaking]

BOYS: Skunk!

- Aah! There's a skunk!

[screaming]

[rock music]

[gentle rock music]

♪ ♪

- Ooh, there he is.
Go talk to him.

- Um...

remind me again why I'm
doing this?

- Because we don't want Trisha
corrupting Dustin and dragging

him into her dark, evil ways.

- She's a little girl, not Darth
Vader.

- Please?

- But--

- I'd do it for you.

- I don't have a little brother.

- And whose fault is that?
- What?

- Just go fix it.

MAN: ♪ Never wanted ♪

♪ 'Cause you can't say ♪

♪ So heavy in our home ♪

- 'Sup, Dustin?

- Hey.

- Listen, can I talk to you
about somethin'...

y'know, man-to-man?

- Sure, but make it quick.

I have a date with Trisha.

- Ah, actually, you know,

Trisha's kinda what I wanted to
talk to you about.

- What about her?

- Well...

don't ya think you're a little
young to be dating?

- No. All the guys in my class

think it's really cool that I'm
dating her.

- Right. Sure. But...

it's just
gonna cause problems.

- What problems?

- What problems?

Good question.

Um...well, you know,

once you start

goin' out with an older woman,
all of a sudden,

all the other girls are gonna
wanna go out with you.

- So you're saying that dating

an older woman will make me
more popular?

- Ok, wait a minute--

that's not really what I--

- That's awesome!

Thanks!

- Wait!

I...I have more things
to say! Dustin!

- Well? Did he listen to you?

- Uh-huh.

- That's great!

- Ok.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Do you think this is getting
rid of the skunk smell?

- I dunno. Here, come sniff me.

- I am not gonna sniff you!

- Sniff me!
- How 'bout you sniff me?

- Why don't you just grow up
and sniff me?

- This is your fault, so you
sniff me!

- I just wanna know if--
- No, I prefer to be

the sniff-ee, not the sniffer!

- Ohh!

- We still stink.
Man, how are we--

- Wait!
- What?

- I remember reading once that

you can get rid of skunk smell
with...

with, uh...

- With what?

- [snaps]

Tomato juice!

- Tomato juice?

MAN: ♪ Please give me a hand ♪

♪ I tried ♪

♪ ♪

- I can't drink any more.

- Man, if I cut myself,

I'd bleed tomato juice.

[both groaning]

- Hey, guys, can I borrow--

um...what are you guys doing?

[both groaning]

- [coughs]

And what is that smell?

- We got sprayed by a skunk.

- So we've been drinkin' tomato
juice for the past 2 hours.

- Why?

- Michael read that tomato juice
gets rid of skunk smell.

- [laughs]

- What?

- Guys, you're supposed to
bathe in tomato juice

to get rid of skunk smell,
not drink it.

Morons.

MEN: ♪ Ahh ♪

♪ ♪

- Hey, kiddo.

- Oh, hey.

- Ya feelin' ok?

- Yeah. Why?

- I thought since you stopped
dating Trisha,

you might be a little,
you know...depressed.

- Who said I stopped dating
Trisha?

- I--I'm gonna go get
some salsa.

- Be right back.

Hold it!

- I'm sorry.

- I thought you fixed this!

- I tried! It's just I'm not
always so good with words.

It's like, I open my mouth

and someone else controls what

I say--someone who clearly likes
to watch me suffer.

- Well, why didn't you just tell
me--

- Uhhh...

- Hey, baby.

- Hey.

Trisha, this is Nicole, Chase,

and my sister Zoey.

BOTH: Hi.

- How are you?

- Hey.

- Um...so, Trisha...

I hear you're in
the sixth grade...

again.

- Yeah. They held me back

'cause I got 2 Cs, 2 Ds
and an F.

- Yeah. Learning's not really
"her thing."

- Apparently.

- Anyways, I don't care.
I'm gonna be a race car driver,

so who needs school, right?

- Yeah, good point.

- Yeah. So, you ready?

- Did you get the cupcakes?

- Did I say I'd get the
cupcakes?

- You guys are gonna eat all
those cupcakes?

- No!

We're gonna drop 'em on
teachers' heads.

- How cool is she?

- C'mon, let's do it.

Dustin, get my bag.
- Right.

- Someone needs to talk some
sense into that boy.

- Someone needs to talk some
sense into that girl.

- You're gonna talk Trisha outta
goin' out with Dustin?

- No. You are.

- Ok, no I'm not!

- Please?

- All right!

♪ ♪

- Hey, there.

Makin' a wish?

- Yeah--

I wish people would
throw more quarters in here.

I'm sick of pennies, nickels,
and dimes.

- Yeah, stealing is fun, isn't
it?

Listen, Trisha...see, I kinda
watch out for Dustin,

and I'm a little worried
about him.

- What for?

- 'Cause, you know, he's never
had a girlfriend before, and...

well, you know, you're older
than he is...

- So?

- So, I don't wanna see him
getting hurt.

- What, a girlfriend can't be a
little older than her boyfriend?

- I guess. But...

don't you
think you'd have more fun

dating guys your age

or maybe even a guy a little
older than you?

[pop]

Y'know what I'm sayin'?

- I know what you're sayin'.

- Great.

- You wanna date me.

- Huh?
Whoa, whoa, hold the phone.

- Dustin's just a boy.

- True, but--

- You're a man.

- Well, I do shave once a month,
but--

- And you're mine.

Later, boyfriend.

- Boyfriend?

Oh... God!

[upbeat rock music]

- Ooh! Ahh!

Aha!

Ah!

- Zoey, we gotta talk.

- Ok, one second.

LOLA: Ooh!

[groans]

Ooh.

[grunts]

Hey!
- Hey!

- Give us back our foosball
ball.

- Wouldn't you just call it a
foosball?

- No, foosball is the name of
the game, so you'd call the ball

a foosball ball.

- Maybe, but I still think--
- Tell you what!

Why don't we
just call it a foosball ball

ball ball ball ball!

I gotta speak with Zoey.

- Well!

- Ok, you gotta help me.

- What, you couldn't talk

Trisha outta dating Dustin?

- Oh, I talked Trisha right
outta dating Dustin.

- Great! So what's the problem?

- You stole my girlfriend?

- That's the problem.

- You asked Trisha out?

- No! Gross!

- C'mon, Matthews! Let's go!
Right now!

- You see?
Ya see what you get me into?

- I'm standin' here!

- I'm not gonna fight you.

- Yeah, you are!

- Dustin, stop acting like a
freak right now!

- All right.

But you listen to me, Chase
Matthews.

You stole my girlfriend...

and you're gonna pay.

- I was just threatened by a
topless boy.

- Just tell me what happened
with Trisha.

- Well, I was tellin' Trisha

why she shouldn't date Dustin,

but she thought that I meant
that she should date,

you know, me.

- But why would she like you?

- Well, I guess she somehow

overlooked my terrible
personality and hideous face.

- You know I didn't mean it like
that.

Why don't you just tell her you
don't like her.

- I tried, but she still won't
leave me alone!

I mean, I was working out in the
gym?

She showed up and took digital
pictures.

- Why?

- She thinks I'm cute when I
sweat.

- Are you?

- Sorta.

- Well, what are you gonna do
about this?

- You are gonna go talk to
Trisha and get me outta this!

- No, no, no, no.
I cannot butt into his life.

- You always butt into his life!

You're like the queen of
butt-ining.

- That is so--

- True. Now, please, talk to
Trisha.

Get me outta this.

- Ok.

- Oh, and talk to Dustin, too,

before he tries to, like,
k*ll me in my sleep.

- You want me to dump Chase?

- I didn't say "dump."

I just...

I don't think you guys
are a good match.

- You just want me to get back
with your brother.

- No. Not at all.

It's just...

You don't wanna date Chase.

- I don't?

- No!
You've seen his bushy hair.

What is up with that?

- I like his hair.

It reminds me
of my grandma's dead poodle.

- Yeah.

It is poodlish, I guess.

- I gotta go throw eggs at
stuff.

- Wait!
Ok, I'll tell you

the real reason I don't want you
to date Chase.

- Talk.

- He and I are boyfriend and
girlfriend.

- You told her we were boyfriend
and girlfriend?

- It was the only thing I could
think of!

- So problem solved, then,
right?

- Nope.
- Why not?

- She didn't believe that we
were really dating.

- Well, what'd she say?

- That she's seen the two of us
around campus, and there's

"no way" we could really be
boyfriend and girlfriend.

- Oh.

- I'm sorry.
I really tried.

- I know you did.
It's cool.

- No, now Trisha's gonna be
all over you.

- Well...

- What?

- Not if we can convince her

that we really are dating.

- How?

- Well...

I got it!

- Yeah?

- We just have to make sure she
sees us tomorrow

acting like
boyfriend and girlfriend,

then she'll believe it
and leave me alone.

- Ok.

When we see Trisha tomorrow,

you and I are boyfriend and
girlfriend.

- Ok.

- Is this really gonna work?

- Absolutely.

Now prepare
to be de-skunkified.

BOTH: Hold up! Whoa!
Please, hold up!

- What are you gonna spray us
with?

- A chemical compound I created

to neutralize the effect of
skunk smell.

- Well, what if it's dangerous?

- Yeah. I cannot risk anything
happening to this face.

- Oh, you babies.

Here.

Spray my sleeve.

See?

Now, do you guys wanna stink
for the next 3 weeks?

- Just spray us.

[school bell rings]

- Ok, there's Trisha.

- Yep.

- So, ready to be my boyfriend?

- Yep.

- Ok. Hold my hand.

- Right.

Here we go.

Oh, look, it's Trisha.

- Yeah, hey, Trisha!

- Hey.
CHASE: Listen.

Zoey told me she
talked to you about...us.

And I hope you understand.

- We can't help that we're in
love.

[both giggle weakly]

- You sure this is for real?

- Oh...yeah. Totally.

- Absolutely.

- How long have you two
been dating?

- A year.
- 6 months.

- A year.
- And 6 months.

- 18 months,
if you add it all up.

- Ok. If you're boyfriend and
girlfriend...

let's see ya kiss.

- I'm sorry, what?

- [whispers] She wants to see us
kiss.

- [whispers] I heard what she
said!

- [whispers] Ok.

- Do it. Kiss.

- C'mon, is this really
necessary?

CHASE: Please say yes.

Please say yes.
Please say yes.

- Yeah.

- She said yes.

- Um, Trisha...

- I knew you were lying.

- Ok, listen, Trisha--
- Fine, we'll kiss.

- What?
- If she doesn't believe us,

we'll show her.

- Sh-show her?

- Just kiss me, like you always
do.

- Oh!

Right.

No biggie.

Ok. Here it goes.

- Yeah!

- Ahh!

- Dustin!

- I told you I'd get ya for
stealin' my woman!

- Why do these things happen
to me?

- Wow, Dustin!

I never knew you
were so manly.

- Yeah.

Too late, Trisha.

Now we're even.

- Ok!

Well, um...

I guess we better go
ahead and kiss now, you know,

just to show Trisha
that we weren't lying.

- Ah, forget it.

I ain't datin' an older guy

that gets
knocked down by a 10-year-old.

See ya.

- Well, I'm gonna go get my
homework done.

- Hey, guys. Whatcha doin'?

NICOLE: Just studying.

- You fix things with Trisha?

- Yeah. Not like I planned,
but I think it's fixed.

NICOLE: Good.

- So, Quinn, I heard you got

rid of Michael and Logan's
skunk smell.

- Yeah, it wasn't that hard.
I just--

- Quinn!
- What?

- Your arm!
- Huh?

- Whoa!

- [gasps]

My sleeve!

It's...gone.

- What happened?

- I guess my skunk neutralizing

spray makes clothing
disintegrate.

Aah!

GIRLS: Aah!
- What?

- What's wrong?

- I sprayed Logan and Michael...

all over!

MEN: ♪ Ahh ♪

[vocalizing]

- C'mon, we can't stay in this
bush forever.

- I am not walking through
campus naked.

- Then how do we get back
to our dorm?

- Wait...

I bet there's some trash bags
in the janitor's closet.

- Trash bags?

- Man, I feel like an idiot.

- Just keep walking.

LOGAN: Hey!

[girl laughs]

[kids cheering, whistling]

WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

TRISHA: I gotta go throw eggs
at stuff.