♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Chef: Okay, Kido-reenos,
today is a very special day.
Does anyone know why?
- My birthday!
- No, Cody.
This is something important.
(Blows)
Today is a super special day!
Oh yeah! It's the one...
the only...
International Cousins Day!
All: (Cheering) Hooray!
(Then realizing) Huh?
- That's not a real thing. - You bet your face it is.
And help us celebrate International Cousins Day
I've invited two of your cousins to joins us.
- Please, please, please. - No, no, no...
(Drum roll)
- Gwen's cousin, Ella... and Owen's Cousin Max!
- Noooo! - Yes!
- (horrified) This is terrible.
My cousin, Max, is a total monster!
- (happy) This is amazing...
my cousin, Ella, is a total monster.
- Chef, this isn't a good idea.
- (Grunts) It'll be fine.
- Max doesn't play well with others.
- Pish-posh.
- Ahhh! (Landing thud) Oof.
If Max comes here,
lives will be lost.
- Relax, Owen, your cousin isn't gonna hurt anyone.
- Thank you, Gwen.
- Because he won't get a chance to!
- Ugh, here we go.
- My cousin is feet tall,
covered in dragon scales, has a mouth full of fangs,
glowing red eyes and breath of FIRE.
She'll devour you all!
(Dragon roar)
All: (Horrified screams)
- You might not know this about me
but I find the terrified screams of children
to be very soothing.
- Oh, come on,
nothing dangerous has ever happened here before.
- Wha-what?!
Have you never watched an episode of this show?
- Now-now, Max and Ella will be here
for International Cousins Day any second.
I want you all to be extra nice
and make them feel welcome.
All: Yes, Chef.
(Sleeping Beauty like singing) - What that sound?
Animals: Huh?
- She's' here.
(Birds chirp)
- Why hello, my new friends.
I'm Gwen's cousin, Ella.
- That's Gwen's cousin?!
- She's so elegant.
- Dude, it's like smiles and sunshine had a baby.
- No. You're not, Ella!
- Oh, I really am,
and I'm looking forward to a day filled
with wonder and joy.
- Excuse us a minute.
What happened? You used to be a full-on monster!
Today you float in here
full of songs and sparkles
like some kind of magical unicorn fart?!
- I know I used to be a "bad girl",
but Sweetie Pie etiquette School
turned my frown upside down!
- But I promised everyone a monster!
They were looking forward to it!
- Well... (grumble) I was...
- Oh I'm sorry,
but seeing my naughty side is very unlikely.
- Wait. Unlikely?
So there's still a chance.
All I gotta do is push the right buttons.
Challenge accepted.
- Gwen, Courtney, Jude, Bridgette?
How about you give Ella a tour.
- Oh, that would be so nice.
- Yeah. Let's hope nothing upsetting happens.
- See? I told yaou her cousin wasn't evil.
(Rumbling)
- Did someone say evil?
Allow me to introduce myself.
Max Mayhem,
future super villain and fan of all things evil.
Call me Max.
- (Chuckle) Nice outfit, Mayhem.
- I said you can call me Max!
- Hi Max.
- Hello cousin Owen.
So this is your evil lair.
- It's not a lair it's a dayc--
- Juvenile. Don't you think?
Doesn't exactly scream... evil!
- That's because it's actually a daycare--
- Enough! It doesn't matter.
This place will be destroyed soon...
then the world!
- He wants to destroy this place?
I like him.
- Yeah. - Me too.
- And what an entrance!
- Like any true villain I need a minion
to help me carry out my evil plans.
- Who here hungers for evil and glory?!
- Right here! - Me! - Me-me-me!
- Silence! I only need one!
Therefore, I will put you through a series of trials
and see who rises to the top of the evil cream.
Let the minion competition begin!
All: Yeah!
- Chef, aren't you gonna stop this?
- Of course not. Make-believe is fun.
- But Max is serious! You need to--
- Shh! Max is our guest,
so make him feel welcome
by playing any games he comes up with!
- You heard the large man. Follow me.
- All right! Let's destroy the world!
- Oh no!
This isn't the first time Max had a "minion competition".
He did it once with my stuffed animals.
- To be my minion,
you must survive this pit of lions!
Good luck.
(Ferocious lion snarling and roaring)
- Noooo!
Not only was it extremely violent,
we got banned from the zoo.
What should I do?
Cody, should I join the minion competition to try
and keep everyone from getting hurt?
- I drawed a cat. Meow.
- Harold your resume seems in order,
but under "training" you've written "toilet".
I'm not sure what that means but...
(realizing) ohhh.
Never mind, now that I've said it our loud I get it.
Go stand with the others.
- (Owen panting)
Max, I would like to tryout for the minion position.
- Excellent!
I've always thought you'd make a good minion.
Who knows we might even become friends.
- Really?
- If you survive!
(Evil laugh)
- (Whimpers)
- And now, the first trial can begin.
Escape the sandbox...
- Pfft! Super easy.
- that's filled with quick sand!
(All gasp) - Oh no! - Ahhh!
- Max, this is dangerous.
- Ridiculous!
(Button beeps) (Ferocious hissing)
- NOW it's dangerous.
- Ahhhhhhh! - Look out!
- Get us out of here! - HELP!
- Hold on. Quicksand and snakes?
I remember how to survive this trap.
Max does it every thanksgiving.
All I need to do is find the tail.
♪ Happy birthday to me
Ahhhhhhhhh! Giant worm!
(Hissing)
(Screaming)
Quick! Hold hands!
(Screaming) (Landing thuds) Ooof!
- Whoa. Nice one, Owen!
- I'm quite impressed by your quick thinking.
- Guess we all won that round.
- Are you kidding me?
No one won that round, that was awful!
- Way to go, Owen. - Nice one.
- (Sighs)
- And next up on the tour is the lunch area.
- It's where we get our snack on.
Watch!
Pro-by shouda peel dit.
- How nice. I was going to save this surprise for later,
but...I baked cupcakes for everyone.
- (Cheering) Yay!
- (Groans)
- Gwen, your cousin is so nice.
- Uh-huh. Watch and learn.
Tour's over.
Time to make Ella mad.
- Mmm-mmm-mmm. - Mmmm....
- They look delicious, Ella.
- I'd love one-oops.
Oh, no. The cupcakes are all ruined.
How... upsetting.
- (Angry growling)
(Clenched teeth) How can you do something like that...?
- Look Guys! Guys?
(Eating sounds)
- No time to look, dude!
(Gulp) These cupcakes are radical!
- (Softly) They are?
So you like them?
- Mmm! Loved them!
- Since when do you guys eat off the floor?
Well, Jude and Bridgette I buy,
but... Courtney?
- I follow all rules, Gwen.
And the three second rule is one of them.
(Face slap)
- When we are not doing our art projects,
this is where we play VR games.
Jude: Yeah-yeah-yeah!
(Chuckles) With these babies you're in a whole new world.
Sometimes I forget who I am.
(yells) I'M AN ALBATROSS!
WHOA! (Splat)
(Gasp) - That sounds so amazing!
Can we play a game with unicorns in it?
I LOVE THEM SOOO MUCH!
- Oh! I know the perfect game to play.
"Robotic Unicorn Beat Down"
is all about beating down unicorns.
The title is perfect.
This'll send her to dragon city for sure!
- Unicorns are like horses, but they have horns.
- Dude, look at who you're talking to.
Ella probably owns a unicorn.
- (Giggle) No, silly.
You can't "own" a unicorn.
They're free to roam my backyard
and eat gum drops from my hands.
- Yeah-yeah, let's play.
(Hoovers thunder, neighing)
- Here come the unicorns! All: Yeah!
Max: Trial number two has begun!
You may have noticed that I've outfitted you
with chestnut-shaped helmets.
- WHAT?! How am I just noticing this?
- I bid you all good luck.
- Good luck with what?
- With surviving the h'angry squirrels, of course!
(H'ANGRY CHIRPING)
- Quick! Down the slide! - The slide?
(Gasp) No, wait! It's a trap!
Ah! Ah! Pardon me! Excuse me! Max trap!
MAX TRAAAP!
Ahhhhh! (Thump-thump-thump)
(Horrified screaming)
All: (Horrified screaming)
(Horrified screaming)
(Loud whirring)
(Shearing sound)
- Man that was close!
- Thanks Owen. - Yeah.
How'd you know there was a wood chipper
at the bottom of the slide?
- It's a classic Max trap.
Every Christmas he does this.
- Hate to poop on your parade, but here come the squirrels.
(H'angry chirping)
(BZZZZZZT)
- Are you here for my birthday party?
(H'angry salivating)
- NO! BAD SQUIRRELS!
We have to share the cake!
- Owen... You're ruining this competition!
Maybe none of you have what it takes to become my minion.
- (Sigh) Guys, Max isn't gonna stop
until only one of us is left standing.
I think we should stop before that happens.
Duncan: Yeah, right.
You're just saying that because you're losing!
(High five slaps)
- (Panting) AGGH! Gotcha!
- You're going down, Unicorn!
(Punching thuds) (Neighing)
Agh! - GET SOME!
You can't get away from me!
- Gah! Urgh! (then) OOF!
- Oh no! A unicorn doesn't bend that way!
- NO!
- Ella, you're gone from the game!
- Don't worry, I'll get your unicorn for you!
HA, got your horn!
LIZOWSKI SLAM!
- Stop. Hurting. Unicorns.
You guys! Look! It's happening!
She's dragoning out!
- GRRRRR!!!
(Blows fire)
(Sizzles) Ow?
- (Catches breath) Oopsies.
I don't know what came over me.
- I do! And everyone saw it! Right guys?!
- Saw what? - What? - Huh?
- Are you kidding me!
Jude, tell them what just happened!
- Okay. You dudes aren't gonna believe this, but...
my unicorn breathed FIRE!
- What?
- (Gasp) The game can do that?!
- It must have been an upgrade.
- (Frustrated sigh)
- This next trial is fairly standard.
All you must do is walk across this narrow beam
positioned over a pool of toxic waste.
(All gasp)
- Oh and I tossed in a lion and an alligator
just for kicks and giggles.
- That's not real toxic waste. Is it?
- Oh, it's very real.
(ROARS)
- And begin!
- Come on, guys, it's easy.
Eyes forward. Don't look down.
I do this one every Labor Day.
- You-you've beaten my test of toxic troubles!
- So I won? Oh, please say yes.
I don't want my friends to get hurt.
- You've won nothing!
The "winner" isn't the one who crosses the line first.
it's the one who survives!
These trials will continue
until only one of you remains standing!
If you want to win, just kick the plank off.
Do it, cousin.
(Scared whimpering)
- (Gasp) I won't do it!
I won't hurt my friends!
International Cousins Day or not.
- Fine. I'll do it.
(Horrified screaming, splash)
(Burbling, sizzling)
There, it's over with.
- (Effort groans)
- (Sigh) Owen. You never cease to disappoint.
- Now, the trick to making a diamond tiara
is the right amount of glue...
macaroni...
and GLITTER! (Poof)
- Wow! - Amazing!
- Yeah. That's way better than my tiara.
(Bird chirps)
- Gee, Ella. That sure is amazing.
Let me try. OOPS... - Ahh!
- my glue. UH-OH, my macaroni.
- AHH!
- I sure hope I don't sneeze into this glitter.
AH-CHOO! - (Coughing)
- My outfit...
(Dragon voice) it's ruined!
Look! It's happening! She's... she's...
beautiful.
Both: (Gasp) She is!
- Oh my! Thank you, Gwen.
- C'mon, Ella. Come look at yourself in the mirror.
(Sleeping Beauty like singing)
- Gwen, you want us to think your cousin
is a monster sandwich,
but she's really a burrito of sweetness.
I kinda wonder if you're tryin' to hide that from us
'cause you're scared that maybe, deep down,
you're as sweet as she is.
SWEEEEET?!
(Growls, rage screaming)
(Thuds, pained grunts)
- Hey, that's how chickens eat.
- UGH. Not only do the others not see
what a wicked-evil monster my cousin is,
now they think I might be sweet too?
My life is over.
- Well, I entered the minion competition
to stop my friends from getting hurt.
But Max won't stop until they're all goners.
- Owen! That's it!
- What is? - We should team up!
We just need a plan...
- Ooh! Leave that to me.
- Max, this is Ella. Ella, meet Max.
- Adequate to meet you. - Charmed.
- That's it? That's your plan?
- I'm surprised it hasn't worked already.
Say, Max. Why don't you let Ella
join the minion competition?
- Oooo, I don't know what a minion is,
but it sounds peachy.
- Hmm... very well.
But you have to pass a few trials
to catch up with the others.
- Sure! I love playing games!
(High five slap)
- Oh my, this sand sure is sinky.
(Sleeping Beauty like singing)
(Birds chirp)
- THAT'S CHEATING!
It took me a while to make all of these,
but it was so worth it!
The squirrels love the outfits.
- Are you kidding me?! UNACCEPTABLE!
♪ LALALALALA...
- No, no, no!
You're not supposed to sing on the board of doom!
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
- The only one getting upset is Max.
- What's it going to take?!
(Sleeping Beauty like singing)
What shall we do next?
- Nothing! You're out of the competition!
- But... why?
Because I...don't...like...you.
- (Stammering) Du-du-don't like me?
But no one has ever not liked me before...
(Demon voice, eyes glow) NO ONE!
- Well, that did it.
- She doesn't look like a dragon to me.
(Thunder booms)
♪♪♪
(Roaring)
- (Screams)
- Yup... that's a dragon.
- What is happening to her?!
- You're finally seeing the real Ella!
I told you she was a monster.
(Ferocious roar) (Fire sizzles)
- (Shocked gasps)
- (Chuckles) The look on your faces right now.
(Fire roars)
(Frightened whimpering)
(Roars)
(Huffs) - All right, young lady.
That's enough. I'm not fond of your behavior.
Whoa! (thuds)
This is not what Cousin's Day is... Ahh!
all about.
ahahahah FUNNY BONE!
Don't make me use my stern voice.
Ahh! Ahhhhh!
- Dude, you proved your point.
You can turn off your cousin now.
- Hm. I don't think I can.
- Well, someone has to do something!
- You're right! I'm taking bets!
Which psycho cousin will win?!
Max or--
Max: (Screams)
Never mind it's over. - Help!
GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!
- GAH!
I can't let Max get dipped in toxic waste.
Even if he deserves it.
After all... it's Cousins Day.
(Rescue music)
- Will you come to my birthday party?
- Sorry, need to borrow this.
- YAY!
- Oh. This too. - (sad) Aw.
- (Whimpers)
- Do it. Doooo iiiiit. DO IT!
- (Screaming)
(Suspenseful music)
Owen: HEY!
I'll be needing my cousin back.
- GRRRRR!
- Also, can you light this birthday cake?
(Big inhale) (Splat)
- (Laughs) Nice one!
- (Exhales) Owen... you saved me.
All this time I've spent trying to destroy people,
I never realized how it felt.
- Great, so can you stop trying to hurt my friends?
Oh, all right.
- And my stuffed animals?
- I make no such promise.
(Fist bumps) (Ella roars)
Gwen: Uh-oh.
(Roaring)
(Screaming)
(A car alarm goes off) (Stomping)
(Hitting thuds)
- Hey you bald squirrels, get away from my car!
(Stomping)
No! Stop! AH!
My lunch is in there!
- I was going to destroy the school!
You ruined everything you...
you... dumb old dragon girl!
(Loud crash)
This isn't the last you'll see of me!
- Okay, see you later.
Tell Aunt Bernice I said hi.
- GRRRRRR. - Ah!
- Hey, Ella. It's okay.
The kid who bugged you is gone.
- Goodness! Did I do that?
- You sure did, and thanks.
You made a perfect impression.
Chef: WHERE'S ELLA?!
- Oh, dear, he sounds angry.
I probably should go.
- Probably.
- Well... (Sleeping Beauty like singing)
Tootles.
- Gwen, I owe you an apology.
Your cousin is the worst.
- Hey! (Kicking thud)
- GAH! Ah! Ow! Ooh! Eee!
- Nobody talks trash about my family but me.
But yeah. She's the worst.
♪ La la la la la
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
02x16 - Dissing Cousins
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Series re-introduces some of the original "Total Drama" characters in an alternate universe where they are aged down from teenagers to toddlers, being taken care of by Chef Hatchet.
Series re-introduces some of the original "Total Drama" characters in an alternate universe where they are aged down from teenagers to toddlers, being taken care of by Chef Hatchet.