01x05 - The Clocktopus

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ Ben ♪

♪ Ben ♪

♪ Ben

♪ Ben ♪

Ah, Squid City!

This place is a special part of my childhood,

and this could be your last chance to see it.

Pretty soon, they're gonna tear this whole place down

and put in one of those shiny new megaplexes.

Well, can't stop the march of progress, but at least I can let

you guys experience the local delicacies one last time.

Wait, where's Ben?

Ben? Earth to Ben!

Squids! Squids...everywhere!

Hurry, Ben, you're gonna miss out!

It's ice cream,

Squid City style!

I like ice cream.

What's "Squid City style" about it?

Black ice cream made with squid ink!

Squid...ink?

Ice... screeeeam?!

Not hungry!

Wow, that's not something I thought I'd hear you say --

like ever.

Let me show you how a girl does it.

Squid-tender, serve me up a large!

Well... I'll have an extra large!

Oh, no! What have I done?!

Great! We'll have three of your finest squid-ink cones.

Coming right up.

Nice!

I thought you were gonna chicken out.

[ Tires screech ]

Cannonbolt? Seriously?

Lay down your money or keep moving!

What's the big deal?

What do you mean, you're out?

It's Squid City Pier's signature dish!

Not anymore. The Squid Stand's closing down

to make way for the new megaplex.

Looks like they got the last ones.

B-b-but -- but...

Sorry, mate. The pier, she's a-changing.

Would you look at that!

Not a single squid to be found anywhere on it.

And why is everybody so anxious to forget the past?

The past is great!

Steam Smythe: I could not agree more, good sir!

Huh? Whoo-hoo!

Something not squid related!

[ Screaming ]

Flee before my mighty beast!

Your hideous megaplex will never be built,

for I am here to ensure that

Squid City will stand forever!

[ Whimpering ]

It looks like we get to start building the laser-tag park!

Steam Smythe: You are obliterating the pier's storied history for laser tag?!

Where will the children crush their pennies,

stretch their taffy?

Gale!

Whoa! Jamie, help!

Good day, young miss.

Now, run along home before you get hurt!

[ Gasps ] Chauvinism!

What's this squid's problem?

Steam Smythe: My problem is the future!

And my solution is the past!

Don't mess this up, Tennyson!

It's the most important part of the play -- and I love plays!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Ben! Hey, look out!

[ Grunts ] Are you all right, Ben?

Hero time? [ Groans ]

Hero time?

Right.

That squid won't know what hit him!

Wait. Did I just say "squid"?!

Oh, brother.

Ew!

Yuck!

Gross!

Oh, you're pretty fast, you scoundrel!

I wonder, though, are you fast enough to escape

the power of the past?

I doubt it.

For how could any fancy-pancy modern technology

be a match for the time-tested talents of Steam Smythe!

There's a dude in that squid?!

I am a gentleman, not a "dude,"

and this is no squid. This is a clocktopus!

Whoa!

[ Grunts ]

[ Laughs maniacally ]

You will all begin to share my appreciation of the past.

Watch with shock and awe

as I, with the simple pull of a lever...

[ Grunts ]

Simple pull of...

[ Grunts ]

Come on with it! Everybody's watching!

Yes! I will lay low this hideous shopping mall.

That, good people, was just a small demonstration

of my restoration efforts.

Gaah! Uh, you think

that's going to do anything, Gwen?

I got a "gaah" out of him, Grandpa!

That's a start!

[ Both grunting ]

Enough!

I would just as well crush you neophytes,

but a gentleman never strikes a young lady

or a senior citizen.

Neophytes? Gentleman?

Ah! Ha!

A true gentleman provides redress

when he has slighted another.

You dare question my manners, sir?!

Oh! I gotcha, Grandpa.

Yes, you have offended us, sir, and we demand satisfaction!

We challenge you to a duel!

I've already vanquished the both of you!

Why would I do it again?

But the laws of etiquette allow us to choose a champion!

And we choose him!

Huh?! [ Screams ]

A duel, eh?

A battle twixt the greatness of yesterday

and the foolishness of tomorrow? I accept.

Here are my terms -- when I am victorious,

you will admit I, Steam Smythe, am the cat's pajamas.

What?

Secondly, your champion has until noon to prepare!

Done.

[ Ticking ]

[ Clamoring ]

I'm in a nightmare. No, a squid-mare.

Kids, we need to evacuate the pier before the duel.

Okay! Everybody out!

[ Cheering ] Fight the squid!

We want to see a fight!

Doesn't look like they're going anywhere, Ben.

I can't fight the squid!

Clocktopus. [ Groans ]

Whatever!

What's got you so scared?

That awful day... in the past.

Say it!

Eh?

Boy: Say your line!

My line?

Oh, my line!

Don't worry, Captain!

I'll save us from the squi-- Aah!

Squi...

[ Groans ]

[ Laughter ]

The laughter, the embarrassment --

I ruined the school play!

Ben, I know that day was traumatic for you,

but if I've learned anything today,

it's that if you hold on to the past too tightly,

it will only hold you back.

What you -- we need to do

is to make sure those lessons we carry with us

help us move forward.

Dead wrong.

The defender of a foolish future versus a hero of the past!

[ All coughing ]

You're the only one who can b*at him, Ben.

What say you, my good man?

Shall we rumble?

Nope. Fight's off!

Aw, come on! What a rip!

[ Crowd booing ]

[ Laughs ]

No one will stand to defend your hideous megaplex.

Gaah!

That is the last "gaah" you will get out of me, child!

You need to cool it, Steam Smythe!

As I have already stated, gentlemen do not hit ladies!

Gaah!

I'm no lady, I'm a girl.

And that's three "gaahs!"

As you wish!

[ Grunts ]

Ben! You came back?

How else was I gonna get those people to leave?

[ Grunts ]

[ Laughs ] A champion indeed.

Okay, people are saved.

Time to run!

[ Grunting ]

Don't look so scared, my boy!

I'm merely imbuing you with a little respect

for a greater age!

[ Both laughing ]

Don't worry, Captain. I'll save you from the -- the squid.

The squiiid!

I can't do it!

Of course you can't!

My generation created Titanics, Hindenbergs!

What has yours made?

Fast food, mini malls?

You have nothing worth fighting for!

Ben, that play was four years ago!

Those are just memories.

It's time we both stopped holding on to the past

and look to the future!

Blasphemy!

It's time to start making new memories, Ben -- good ones!

"Good ones."

Grandpa Max is right.

I have plenty to fight for!

Video games!

Camera phones!

[ Grunts ]

Oh, yeah, and family!

I have plenty to fight for!

Egads! You may have brawn, brute,

but I have a hide of iron and steel.

And, seven arms!

Four arms versus seven arms?

That's not very gentlemanly!

Aah!! What are you doing?

Just making things a little more sporting, stream breath!

You cad! With one simple pull of this lever, I --

I'll show you!

[ Grunting ] Come on!

Steam!

Do you finally understand, you four-armed fool?

The past is coming, and I along with it!

Where did you go?

Kids these days -- absolutely no attention span whatsoever!

[ Grunts ]

Aah!!

Nice try, my red friend, but with one...

simple...

[ Grunting ]

simple...

[ Groaning ]

[ Growls ]

This is supposed to be a duel, right?

<span tts:fontStyle="italic">En garde!</span>

<span tts:fontStyle="italic">En garde, </span>indeed!

You hit like a squid!

You're all hot under the collar, Steamy.

You need to chill!

No, no, no, no!

The exhaust pipes are filling with water.

Drat! How could I have gotten so careless?

Next time [panting] you will not be so lucky!

Leg cramp!

Aw, man!

Just as I was making some good memories.

Nice job, Ben.

You really put Steam Smythe in his place -- the past!

But he's getting away!

Ah, we'll get him another day.

The important thing is that you stood up to your fear,

and you faced it. I'm proud of you.

Yeah, I guess facing the future is a whole lot easier.

Grandpa, can I try that ice cream now?

[ Beep ] [ Laughs ]

[ Bones cr*ck ]

[ Clears throat ]

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Armpits farting ]

[ Farting stops ]

Hmm. Huh.

[ Grunting ]

[ Farts loudly ]

You're welcome.

Gross...but funny. [ Armpit fart ]

Time to throw stuff!