Announcer: will not be
seen tonight so that nbc may
present the following special
Seen tonight so that nbc may
present the following special
program.
I'm don kirshner, and welcome
To "rock concert."
Tonight we have a group that's
been at the forefront of the
r&b... Rhythm-and-blues... Scene
Been at the forefront of the
r&b... Rhythm-and-blues... Scene
for a long time.
R&b... Rhythm-and-blues... Scene
for a long time.
Today, with the help of
For a long time.
Today, with the help of
dee lusten, mo anthony, and the
Today, with the help of
dee lusten, mo anthony, and the
staff of celectric records,
Dee lusten, mo anthony, and the
staff of celectric records,
their manager, maury daniels,
Staff of celectric records,
their manager, maury daniels,
and the whole rock division of
Their manager, maury daniels,
and the whole rock division of
the promotion department of icm,
And the whole rock division of
the promotion department of icm,
they continue to be as strong a
The promotion department of icm,
they continue to be as strong a
creative musical force as ever.
They continue to be as strong a
creative musical force as ever.
So now let's join tina,
Creative musical force as ever.
So now let's join tina,
mr. Mike and the mikettes...
So now let's join tina,
mr. Mike and the mikettes...
The "mr. Mike and tina turner
Mr. Mike and the mikettes...
The "mr. Mike and tina turner
revue."
The "mr. Mike and tina turner
revue."
[Cheers and applause]
Every now and then, you like
to hear us do something nice
and easy.
To hear us do something nice
and easy.
Only there's just one thing...
And easy.
Only there's just one thing...
We never, ever do nothing nice
Only there's just one thing...
We never, ever do nothing nice
and easy.
We never, ever do nothing nice
and easy.
We only do it nice and rough.
And easy.
We only do it nice and rough.
So we're gonna turn things over
We only do it nice and rough.
So we're gonna turn things over
to mr. Mike, who's gonna do the
So we're gonna turn things over
to mr. Mike, who's gonna do the
beginning of this song nice and
To mr. Mike, who's gonna do the
beginning of this song nice and
easy.
Beginning of this song nice and
easy.
Then we're gonna finish rough.
Easy.
Then we're gonna finish rough.
This is the way we do "proud
Then we're gonna finish rough.
This is the way we do "proud
mary."
This is the way we do "proud
mary."
♪ Do do do-do-do do
Mary."
♪ Do do do-do-do do
do do do-do-do do ♪
♪ Do do do-do-do do
do do do-do-do do ♪
mr. Mike.
Do do do-do-do do ♪
mr. Mike.
This rabbit works in a
Mr. Mike.
This rabbit works in a
factory.
This rabbit works in a
factory.
All of the other rabbits have
Factory.
All of the other rabbits have
had their ears amputated so they
All of the other rabbits have
had their ears amputated so they
won't get caught in the
Had their ears amputated so they
won't get caught in the
machinery.
Won't get caught in the
machinery.
But this one rabbit's real vain,
Machinery.
But this one rabbit's real vain,
and he doesn't want to amputate
But this one rabbit's real vain,
and he doesn't want to amputate
his ears.
And he doesn't want to amputate
his ears.
So he's working on the line, and
His ears.
So he's working on the line, and
his ears get caught in this big
So he's working on the line, and
his ears get caught in this big
wheel.
His ears get caught in this big
wheel.
♪ Big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
Wheel.
♪ Big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
♪ proud mary, keep on burnin' ♪
♪ Big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
♪ proud mary, keep on burnin' ♪
by the time they pulled him
♪ Proud mary, keep on burnin' ♪
by the time they pulled him
out of the wheel, he looked like
By the time they pulled him
out of the wheel, he looked like
tomato bisque.
Out of the wheel, he looked like
tomato bisque.
The end.
Tomato bisque.
The end.
Tina?
The end.
Tina?
That wasn't a very nice
Tina?
That wasn't a very nice
story, mr. Mike.
That wasn't a very nice
story, mr. Mike.
Well, I'm not a very nice
Story, mr. Mike.
Well, I'm not a very nice
guy, tina.
Well, I'm not a very nice
guy, tina.
You see, every time I try to
Guy, tina.
You see, every time I try to
do something nice and easy,
You see, every time I try to
do something nice and easy,
mr. Mike makes me do it rough.
Do something nice and easy,
mr. Mike makes me do it rough.
Because we never, ever do
Mr. Mike makes me do it rough.
Because we never, ever do
nothing nice and easy.
Because we never, ever do
nothing nice and easy.
We always do it rough!
Nothing nice and easy.
We always do it rough!
[Tempo quickens]
♪ Left a good job in the city ♪
♪ workin' for the man
every night and day ♪
♪ Workin' for the man
every night and day ♪
♪ I never lost one minute
Every night and day ♪
♪ I never lost one minute
of sleeping
♪ I never lost one minute
of sleeping
worryin' about the way
Of sleeping
worryin' about the way
things might have been because ♪
Worryin' about the way
things might have been because ♪
♪ big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
Things might have been because ♪
♪ big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
♪ proud mary, keep on burnin' ♪
♪ Big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
♪ proud mary, keep on burnin' ♪
♪ and we're rollin' ♪
♪ Proud mary, keep on burnin' ♪
♪ and we're rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ And we're rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ I said we're rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' on the river ♪
♪ I said we're rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ I said we're rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
♪ Rollin' on the river ♪
♪ ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ If you come down
to the river,
bet you're gonna find
To the river,
bet you're gonna find
some people who live ♪
Bet you're gonna find
some people who live ♪
♪ you don't have to worry
Some people who live ♪
♪ you don't have to worry
if you have no money ♪
♪ You don't have to worry
if you have no money ♪
♪ people on the levee
If you have no money ♪
♪ people on the levee
are happy to give ♪
♪ People on the levee
are happy to give ♪
♪ big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
Are happy to give ♪
♪ big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
♪ proud mary, keep on burnin' ♪
♪ Big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
♪ proud mary, keep on burnin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Proud mary, keep on burnin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ I said we're rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' on the river ♪
♪ I said we're rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ I said we're rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' on the river ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ I said rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' on the river ♪
♪ I said rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ I said rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ Rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' ♪
♪ rollin' on the river ♪
♪ Whaaaaa ♪
live from new york, it's
"saturday night"!
Live from new york, it's
"saturday night"!
[Band plays]
Announcer: ladies and
gentlemen, robert klein!
[Cheers and applause]
Whoo!
Thank you.
Welcome to our show.
You know, it's been a little bit
Welcome to our show.
You know, it's been a little bit
of time since I've done the show
You know, it's been a little bit
of time since I've done the show
last, and it was so
Of time since I've done the show
last, and it was so
disorganized.
Last, and it was so
disorganized.
I did one of the first ones, and
Disorganized.
I did one of the first ones, and
no one knew what they were
I did one of the first ones, and
no one knew what they were
doing, and you can decide for
No one knew what they were
doing, and you can decide for
yourself tonight after this many
Doing, and you can decide for
yourself tonight after this many
shows.
Yourself tonight after this many
shows.
Wonderful to be back and be at
Shows.
Wonderful to be back and be at
home in my hometown, and not be,
Wonderful to be back and be at
home in my hometown, and not be,
uh...
Home in my hometown, and not be,
uh...
[Applause]
Uh...
[Applause]
I don't mind sidestepping the
[Applause]
I don't mind sidestepping the
dog doody everywhere I walk.
I don't mind sidestepping the
dog doody everywhere I walk.
It's fun.
Dog doody everywhere I walk.
It's fun.
"Sorry, be right with you."
It's fun.
"Sorry, be right with you."
Some of you know... I play a lot
"Sorry, be right with you."
Some of you know... I play a lot
of college concerts, and it
Some of you know... I play a lot
of college concerts, and it
keeps me young.
Of college concerts, and it
keeps me young.
It keeps me collegiate, you
Keeps me young.
It keeps me collegiate, you
know?
It keeps me collegiate, you
know?
I went to a small school, a very
Know?
I went to a small school, a very
obscure school named alfred,
I went to a small school, a very
obscure school named alfred,
and, uh...
Obscure school named alfred,
and, uh...
[Laughter and light applause]
And, uh...
[Laughter and light applause]
good for seven claps at the
[Laughter and light applause]
good for seven claps at the
"saturday night live" show.
Good for seven claps at the
"saturday night live" show.
Good for about nine claps at
"Saturday night live" show.
Good for about nine claps at
alfred university.
Good for about nine claps at
alfred university.
I went there because they had a
Alfred university.
I went there because they had a
wonderful brochure, with
I went there because they had a
wonderful brochure, with
handsome people walking on the
Wonderful brochure, with
handsome people walking on the
campus carrying books with nice
Handsome people walking on the
campus carrying books with nice
writing underneath it...
Campus carrying books with nice
writing underneath it...
"Walking on the campus carrying
Writing underneath it...
"Walking on the campus carrying
books is a favorite pastime of
"Walking on the campus carrying
books is a favorite pastime of
alfred students."
Books is a favorite pastime of
alfred students."
Suckered me right in there.
Alfred students."
Suckered me right in there.
Plus, the "lovejoy's college
Suckered me right in there.
Plus, the "lovejoy's college
guide" said they would accept
Plus, the "lovejoy's college
guide" said they would accept
you if you were in the top
Guide" said they would accept
you if you were in the top
83 percent of your class, which
You if you were in the top
83 percent of your class, which
was...
83 Percent of your class, which
was...
The brochure was nice.
Was...
The brochure was nice.
Always students in brochures
The brochure was nice.
Always students in brochures
look up towards the future.
Always students in brochures
look up towards the future.
You know, "studying for
Look up towards the future.
You know, "studying for
finals"...
You know, "studying for
finals"...
"Parties"...
Finals"...
"Parties"...
They never have ones like...
"Parties"...
They never have ones like...
"God, I may be pregnant."
They never have ones like...
"God, I may be pregnant."
Always have them like that.
"God, I may be pregnant."
Always have them like that.
It was a wonderful experience
Always have them like that.
It was a wonderful experience
going to school in a place so
It was a wonderful experience
going to school in a place so
rural.
Going to school in a place so
rural.
It's a very rural, farm, little
Rural.
It's a very rural, farm, little
community, and this was quite a
It's a very rural, farm, little
community, and this was quite a
few years ago.
Community, and this was quite a
few years ago.
And I got off the train with a
Few years ago.
And I got off the train with a
couple of suitcases like
And I got off the train with a
couple of suitcases like
holden caulfield, and I see...
Couple of suitcases like
holden caulfield, and I see...
[Moos]
Holden caulfield, and I see...
[Moos]
it's four years.
[Moos]
it's four years.
I get to the dormitory from a
It's four years.
I get to the dormitory from a
bus ride, and they take us into
I get to the dormitory from a
bus ride, and they take us into
the dormitory and [moos]
Bus ride, and they take us into
the dormitory and [moos]
"are-are these the dormitories?"
The dormitory and [moos]
"are-are these the dormitories?"
"Yes, sir.
"Are-are these the dormitories?"
"Yes, sir.
Just shoo them away.
"Yes, sir.
Just shoo them away.
They'll go.
Just shoo them away.
They'll go.
Cows don't bother ya none."
They'll go.
Cows don't bother ya none."
And they made fun of the way I
Cows don't bother ya none."
And they made fun of the way I
spoke.
And they made fun of the way I
spoke.
"Hey, new yohk, tohk, mwohk..."
Spoke.
"Hey, new yohk, tohk, mwohk..."
Just what I needed at 17, 16.
"Hey, new yohk, tohk, mwohk..."
Just what I needed at 17, 16.
Of course, they spoke fine.
Just what I needed at 17, 16.
Of course, they spoke fine.
"Hey, my father gave me a
Of course, they spoke fine.
"Hey, my father gave me a
'dallar' to get married in
"Hey, my father gave me a
'dallar' to get married in
'baffalo, ' and I'm going next
'Dallar' to get married in
'baffalo, ' and I'm going next
week if you wanna..."
'Baffalo, ' and I'm going next
week if you wanna..."
They called me "hey, bab."
Week if you wanna..."
They called me "hey, bab."
For three years I didn't know
They called me "hey, bab."
For three years I didn't know
who they were talking to.
For three years I didn't know
who they were talking to.
"Hey, byab."
Who they were talking to.
"Hey, byab."
I didn't know who "byab" is.
"Hey, byab."
I didn't know who "byab" is.
But I had to learn and grow.
I didn't know who "byab" is.
But I had to learn and grow.
A little thing I encountered
But I had to learn and grow.
A little thing I encountered
there that I really hadn't
A little thing I encountered
there that I really hadn't
encountered before...
There that I really hadn't
encountered before...
Antisemitism.
Encountered before...
Antisemitism.
Well, nothing... It was subtle,
Antisemitism.
Well, nothing... It was subtle,
nothing you could put your
Well, nothing... It was subtle,
nothing you could put your
finger on.
Nothing you could put your
finger on.
Subtle, to be sure.
Finger on.
Subtle, to be sure.
"Hey, jew-boy!
Subtle, to be sure.
"Hey, jew-boy!
Where you goin', jew-boy?
"Hey, jew-boy!
Where you goin', jew-boy?
High holy day?"
Where you goin', jew-boy?
High holy day?"
[Hums suspenseful tune]
High holy day?"
[Hums suspenseful tune]
just what I needed.
[Hums suspenseful tune]
just what I needed.
I wanted to meet the guy next
Just what I needed.
I wanted to meet the guy next
door in the dormitory.
I wanted to meet the guy next
door in the dormitory.
He was decorating his room with
Door in the dormitory.
He was decorating his room with
a swastika mobile.
He was decorating his room with
a swastika mobile.
And I remember a brief phone
A swastika mobile.
And I remember a brief phone
call home to my parents.
And I remember a brief phone
call home to my parents.
"Get me outta here!"
Call home to my parents.
"Get me outta here!"
Something tense with veins
"Get me outta here!"
Something tense with veins
bursting.
Something tense with veins
bursting.
But one of the gutsiest things
Bursting.
But one of the gutsiest things
I ever did eventually was play
But one of the gutsiest things
I ever did eventually was play
shylock in "the merchant of
I ever did eventually was play
shylock in "the merchant of
venice" in the drama club there.
Shylock in "the merchant of
venice" in the drama club there.
And those of you who remember
Venice" in the drama club there.
And those of you who remember
the old play, shylock is the old
And those of you who remember
the old play, shylock is the old
jew in the shakespearean play,
The old play, shylock is the old
jew in the shakespearean play,
and no one likes him.
Jew in the shakespearean play,
and no one likes him.
He's not exactly a pussycat, but
And no one likes him.
He's not exactly a pussycat, but
he certainly is justified,
He's not exactly a pussycat, but
he certainly is justified,
because he's been wronged.
He certainly is justified,
because he's been wronged.
People really treated him badly.
Because he's been wronged.
People really treated him badly.
And there's a wonderful scene in
People really treated him badly.
And there's a wonderful scene in
the fourth act... You all
And there's a wonderful scene in
the fourth act... You all
remember.
The fourth act... You all
remember.
There'll be a test on this
Remember.
There'll be a test on this
afterwards, by the way.
There'll be a test on this
afterwards, by the way.
It's gonna be a multiple choice.
Afterwards, by the way.
It's gonna be a multiple choice.
No, I'm just kidding.
It's gonna be a multiple choice.
No, I'm just kidding.
I like an easy multiple choice,
No, I'm just kidding.
I like an easy multiple choice,
one that's easy like,
I like an easy multiple choice,
one that's easy like,
"mount everest, mount whitney,
One that's easy like,
"mount everest, mount whitney,
mount mckinley, a raisin."
"Mount everest, mount whitney,
mount mckinley, a raisin."
I like that kind of...
Mount mckinley, a raisin."
I like that kind of...
I like an easy multiple choice.
I like that kind of...
I like an easy multiple choice.
I'm putting on the shakespearean
I like an easy multiple choice.
I'm putting on the shakespearean
cape for this scene.
I'm putting on the shakespearean
cape for this scene.
Let me repeat it for you.
Cape for this scene.
Let me repeat it for you.
Crowded audience of hostile,
Let me repeat it for you.
Crowded audience of hostile,
slightly narrow-minded people up
Crowded audience of hostile,
slightly narrow-minded people up
there in that little...
Slightly narrow-minded people up
there in that little...
It's a 17-year-old kid trying to
There in that little...
It's a 17-year-old kid trying to
play an old man.
It's a 17-year-old kid trying to
play an old man.
You put on that quick palsy
Play an old man.
You put on that quick palsy
shake that a bad drama student
You put on that quick palsy
shake that a bad drama student
does to look old in a hurry, you
Shake that a bad drama student
does to look old in a hurry, you
know?
Does to look old in a hurry, you
know?
I was so conscientious, though.
Know?
I was so conscientious, though.
I put the exact place in my
I was so conscientious, though.
I put the exact place in my
script where I wanted the palsy
I put the exact place in my
script where I wanted the palsy
shake... "Palsy shake right
Script where I wanted the palsy
shake... "Palsy shake right
here."
Shake... "Palsy shake right
here."
Probably even blew the eraser
Here."
Probably even blew the eraser
thing.
Probably even blew the eraser
thing.
"Palsy shake."
Thing.
"Palsy shake."
First the usual preliminaries in
"Palsy shake."
First the usual preliminaries in
most shakespeare... "Forsooth me
First the usual preliminaries in
most shakespeare... "Forsooth me
not.
Most shakespeare... "Forsooth me
not.
Our sweet mercutio is dead, that
Not.
Our sweet mercutio is dead, that
gallant spirit hath aspired the
Our sweet mercutio is dead, that
gallant spirit hath aspired the
clouds, which all too soon did
Gallant spirit hath aspired the
clouds, which all too soon did
know his fate."
Clouds, which all too soon did
know his fate."
They spit at the first two rows.
Know his fate."
They spit at the first two rows.
This wonderful speech of
They spit at the first two rows.
This wonderful speech of
shakespeare's, where he equates
This wonderful speech of
shakespeare's, where he equates
all people... Aren't we all
Shakespeare's, where he equates
all people... Aren't we all
human beings?
All people... Aren't we all
human beings?
It's a wonderful...
Human beings?
It's a wonderful...
Listen closely.
It's a wonderful...
Listen closely.
I'm sure you'll be repeating it
Listen closely.
I'm sure you'll be repeating it
often yourself.
I'm sure you'll be repeating it
often yourself.
Not to mention there will be a
Often yourself.
Not to mention there will be a
test.
Not to mention there will be a
test.
"Hath not a jew eyes?
Test.
"Hath not a jew eyes?
Hath not a jew hands, organs,
"Hath not a jew eyes?
Hath not a jew hands, organs,
senses, dimensions, affections,
Hath not a jew hands, organs,
senses, dimensions, affections,
passions?"
Senses, dimensions, affections,
passions?"
Palsy shake.
Passions?"
Palsy shake.
"Passions?"
Palsy shake.
"Passions?"
A good place for the...
"Passions?"
A good place for the...
"Fed with the same food, hurt
A good place for the...
"Fed with the same food, hurt
with the same weapons, warmed
"Fed with the same food, hurt
with the same weapons, warmed
and cooled by the same winter
With the same weapons, warmed
and cooled by the same winter
and summer as a christian is?"
And cooled by the same winter
and summer as a christian is?"
And the audience said, "no,
And summer as a christian is?"
And the audience said, "no,
jew-boy!
And the audience said, "no,
jew-boy!
Jew-boy! Jew-boy!
Jew-boy!
Jew-boy! Jew-boy!
Jew-boy! Get him!"
Jew-boy! Jew-boy!
Jew-boy! Get him!"
[Applause]
"He's up by the fraternity
house!
Woof woof woof woof woof!"
House!
Woof woof woof woof woof!"
And I kept on thinking of that
Woof woof woof woof woof!"
And I kept on thinking of that
damn brochure.
And I kept on thinking of that
damn brochure.
I don't remember any picture of
Damn brochure.
I don't remember any picture of
"being chased by nazis on the
I don't remember any picture of
"being chased by nazis on the
quad."
"Being chased by nazis on the
quad."
[Applause]
Quad."
[Applause]
tell you what.
[Applause]
tell you what.
We'll be right back!
Tell you what.
We'll be right back!
[Cheers and applause]
I'll have a tuna-salad
sandwich and an order of french
fries, please.
Sandwich and an order of french
fries, please.
No. No tuna.
Fries, please.
No. No tuna.
You're out of tuna?
No. No tuna.
You're out of tuna?
No tuna.
You're out of tuna?
No tuna.
Cheeseburger?
No tuna.
Cheeseburger?
Uh, wait a minute.
Cheeseburger?
Uh, wait a minute.
Come on, come on, come on!
Uh, wait a minute.
Come on, come on, come on!
We ain't got all day.
Come on, come on, come on!
We ain't got all day.
We gotta have turnover,
We ain't got all day.
We gotta have turnover,
turnover.
We gotta have turnover,
turnover.
Okay, what are you gonna have?
Turnover.
Okay, what are you gonna have?
I think I'll have grilled
Okay, what are you gonna have?
I think I'll have grilled
cheese and a coke.
I think I'll have grilled
cheese and a coke.
Uh...
Cheese and a coke.
Uh...
Grilled cheese?
Uh...
Grilled cheese?
No grilled cheese.
Grilled cheese?
No grilled cheese.
No grilled cheese.
No grilled cheese.
No grilled cheese.
Cheeseburger and a coke.
No grilled cheese.
Cheeseburger and a coke.
Uh, no coke... Pepsi.
Cheeseburger and a coke.
Uh, no coke... Pepsi.
Okay, pepsi and french fries.
Uh, no coke... Pepsi.
Okay, pepsi and french fries.
No fries... Chips.
Okay, pepsi and french fries.
No fries... Chips.
Okay, chips.
No fries... Chips.
Okay, chips.
One cheeseburger, one pepsi,
Okay, chips.
One cheeseburger, one pepsi,
one chip!
One cheeseburger, one pepsi,
one chip!
Cheeseburger!
One chip!
Cheeseburger!
Pepsi, chip!
Cheeseburger!
Pepsi, chip!
What do you want?
Pepsi, chip!
What do you want?
I'll have a cheeseburger and
What do you want?
I'll have a cheeseburger and
a small coke.
I'll have a cheeseburger and
a small coke.
Uh, no coke... Pepsi.
A small coke.
Uh, no coke... Pepsi.
Pepsi.
Uh, no coke... Pepsi.
Pepsi.
One cheeseburger, one pepsi!
Pepsi.
One cheeseburger, one pepsi!
Cheeseburger!
One cheeseburger, one pepsi!
Cheeseburger!
Pepsi!
Cheeseburger!
Pepsi!
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
Pepsi!
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, four pepsi, two
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, four pepsi, two
chip.
Cheeseburger, four pepsi, two
chip.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
Chip.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger!
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger!
Two pepsi, one chip.
Cheeseburger!
Two pepsi, one chip.
Hi ya, pete.
Two pepsi, one chip.
Hi ya, pete.
I'll have the usual.
Hi ya, pete.
I'll have the usual.
Cheeseburger!
I'll have the usual.
Cheeseburger!
Cheeseburger!
Cheeseburger!
Cheeseburger!
Hey, I get mixed up.
Cheeseburger!
Hey, I get mixed up.
Is he your brother?
Hey, I get mixed up.
Is he your brother?
Him? No.
Is he your brother?
Him? No.
My brother, mike, he's in the
Him? No.
My brother, mike, he's in the
back.
My brother, mike, he's in the
back.
George here is my first cousin,
Back.
George here is my first cousin,
but I treat him like a brother.
George here is my first cousin,
but I treat him like a brother.
Sandy, she's my second cousin.
But I treat him like a brother.
Sandy, she's my second cousin.
I treat her like a first cousin.
Sandy, she's my second cousin.
I treat her like a first cousin.
Him... He's my third cousin.
I treat her like a first cousin.
Him... He's my third cousin.
I treat like a fourth cousin,
Him... He's my third cousin.
I treat like a fourth cousin,
because he's vlahos.
I treat like a fourth cousin,
because he's vlahos.
You know what that means?
Because he's vlahos.
You know what that means?
What?
You know what that means?
What?
It means stupid.
What?
It means stupid.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
It means stupid.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, two chips.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, two chips.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
Cheeseburger, two chips.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger.
One pepsi.
Cheeseburger.
One pepsi.
Two chip, one pepsi.
One pepsi.
Two chip, one pepsi.
What to drink?
Two chip, one pepsi.
What to drink?
I'll have a small orange.
What to drink?
I'll have a small orange.
No orange today.
I'll have a small orange.
No orange today.
What do you have?
No orange today.
What do you have?
Pepsi.
What do you have?
Pepsi.
Oh, okay.
Pepsi.
Oh, okay.
Okay, pepsi!
Oh, okay.
Okay, pepsi!
Pepsi!
Okay, pepsi!
Pepsi!
Pepsi!
Pepsi!
Pepsi!
More ice! More ice, huh?
Pepsi!
More ice! More ice, huh?
Come on, come on!
More ice! More ice, huh?
Come on, come on!
All right, here you are.
Come on, come on!
All right, here you are.
Thanks.
All right, here you are.
Thanks.
[Telephone rings]
Thanks.
[Telephone rings]
hello, olympia restaurant.
[Telephone rings]
hello, olympia restaurant.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
Hello, olympia restaurant.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
two pepsi, one chip.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
two pepsi, one chip.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Two pepsi, one chip.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Two pepsi, one chip.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Two pepsi, one chip.
That to go, four
Two pepsi, one chip.
That to go, four
cheeseburger?
That to go, four
cheeseburger?
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
Cheeseburger?
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
No, no fries... Chips.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
No, no fries... Chips.
Four chip.
No, no fries... Chips.
Four chip.
Four chip.
Four chip.
Four chip.
Four chip.
Four chip.
Four chip.
What to drink?
Four chip.
What to drink?
Pepsi? No coke.
What to drink?
Pepsi? No coke.
No orange. No grape.
Pepsi? No coke.
No orange. No grape.
Pepsi. Four pepsi!
No orange. No grape.
Pepsi. Four pepsi!
Okay, ten minutes.
Pepsi. Four pepsi!
Okay, ten minutes.
All right.
Okay, ten minutes.
All right.
Four pepsi!
All right.
Four pepsi!
Pepsi, pepsi, pepsi!
Four pepsi!
Pepsi, pepsi, pepsi!
Hey! He wants you.
Pepsi, pepsi, pepsi!
Hey! He wants you.
All right, all right,
Hey! He wants you.
All right, all right,
all right.
All right, all right,
all right.
I'll have a couple of eggs,
All right.
I'll have a couple of eggs,
sausage.
I'll have a couple of eggs,
sausage.
Is that link sausage or patty?
Sausage.
Is that link sausage or patty?
Link? Link?
Is that link sausage or patty?
Link? Link?
Uh, link sausage, eggs over
Link? Link?
Uh, link sausage, eggs over
lightly, a large orange juice,
Uh, link sausage, eggs over
lightly, a large orange juice,
and coffee.
Lightly, a large orange juice,
and coffee.
Thanks.
And coffee.
Thanks.
Cheeseburger?
Thanks.
Cheeseburger?
No, I don't want a
Cheeseburger?
No, I don't want a
cheeseburger.
No, I don't want a
cheeseburger.
Eggs, couple of eggs.
Cheeseburger.
Eggs, couple of eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs, couple of eggs.
Eggs.
Do you speak english?
Eggs.
Do you speak english?
Eggs, couple of eggs and over
Do you speak english?
Eggs, couple of eggs and over
lightly, with sausage.
Eggs, couple of eggs and over
lightly, with sausage.
Café? Café?
Lightly, with sausage.
Café? Café?
No, no, no, no, no eggs...
Café? Café?
No, no, no, no, no eggs...
Cheeseburger.
No, no, no, no, no eggs...
Cheeseburger.
When do you stop serving
Cheeseburger.
When do you stop serving
breakfast?
When do you stop serving
breakfast?
Now. No breakfast.
Breakfast?
Now. No breakfast.
No breakfast?
Now. No breakfast.
No breakfast?
Nope.
No breakfast?
Nope.
I just want a couple of eggs.
Nope.
I just want a couple of eggs.
No breakfast!
I just want a couple of eggs.
No breakfast!
Cheeseburger!
No breakfast!
Cheeseburger!
I just got up.
Cheeseburger!
I just got up.
I don't want a cheeseburger.
I just got up.
I don't want a cheeseburger.
Come on, come on, come on.
I don't want a cheeseburger.
Come on, come on, come on.
Don't give me that.
Come on, come on, come on.
Don't give me that.
Come on.
Don't give me that.
Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
We gotta have turnover!
Let's go, let's go.
We gotta have turnover!
You want a cheeseburger?
We gotta have turnover!
You want a cheeseburger?
Everybody got a cheeseburger.
You want a cheeseburger?
Everybody got a cheeseburger.
You want a cheeseburger?
Everybody got a cheeseburger.
You want a cheeseburger?
I don't want a cheeseburger!
You want a cheeseburger?
I don't want a cheeseburger!
It's too early for a
I don't want a cheeseburger!
It's too early for a
cheeseburger.
It's too early for a
cheeseburger.
Too early for cheeseburger?
Cheeseburger.
Too early for cheeseburger?
Look.
Too early for cheeseburger?
Look.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
Look.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
What do you want?
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
What do you want?
What are you gonna have?
What do you want?
What are you gonna have?
I'll have a cheeseburger.
What are you gonna have?
I'll have a cheeseburger.
One cheeseburger.
I'll have a cheeseburger.
One cheeseburger.
No more cheeseburger.
One cheeseburger.
No more cheeseburger.
No more cheeseburger.
No more cheeseburger.
No more cheeseburger.
I'll have a hamburger, then.
No more cheeseburger.
I'll have a hamburger, then.
Hamburger.
I'll have a hamburger, then.
Hamburger.
No hamburger.
Hamburger.
No hamburger.
No hamburger.
No hamburger.
No hamburger.
No cheeseburger, no
No hamburger.
No cheeseburger, no
hamburger, no burger.
No cheeseburger, no
hamburger, no burger.
No cheeseburger, no
Hamburger, no burger.
No cheeseburger, no
hamburger, no burger.
No cheeseburger, no
hamburger, no burger.
How about a couple of eggs,
Hamburger, no burger.
How about a couple of eggs,
then?
How about a couple of eggs,
then?
Eggs.
Then?
Eggs.
Over lightly?
Eggs.
Over lightly?
Scrambled.
Over lightly?
Scrambled.
All right, scrambled.
Scrambled.
All right, scrambled.
And what to drink?
All right, scrambled.
And what to drink?
Coke.
And what to drink?
Coke.
No coke... Pepsi.
Coke.
No coke... Pepsi.
Pepsi.
No coke... Pepsi.
Pepsi.
One pepsi!
Pepsi.
One pepsi!
One pepsi!
One pepsi!
One pepsi!
Come on, pepsi!
One pepsi!
Come on, pepsi!
Come on!
Oh, look!
Isn't that nice?
It was wonderful of your mother
Isn't that nice?
It was wonderful of your mother
to send these "his" and "her"
It was wonderful of your mother
to send these "his" and "her"
towels because of your
To send these "his" and "her"
towels because of your
graduation from medical school
Towels because of your
graduation from medical school
tomorrow.
Graduation from medical school
tomorrow.
Well, you know, I think she's
Tomorrow.
Well, you know, I think she's
finally accepted the fact that
Well, you know, I think she's
finally accepted the fact that
we're not going to get married.
Finally accepted the fact that
we're not going to get married.
Well, she ought to.
We're not going to get married.
Well, she ought to.
We've been living together for
Well, she ought to.
We've been living together for
eight years.
We've been living together for
eight years.
Well, I don't think your
Eight years.
Well, I don't think your
winning the cal tech prize for
Well, I don't think your
winning the cal tech prize for
your solar energy research hurt
Winning the cal tech prize for
your solar energy research hurt
any.
Your solar energy research hurt
any.
You know, I love your mom
Any.
You know, I love your mom
and... And who knows?
You know, I love your mom
and... And who knows?
Maybe someday we will get
And... And who knows?
Maybe someday we will get
hooked up and really make her
Maybe someday we will get
hooked up and really make her
happy.
Hooked up and really make her
happy.
I don't see why...
Happy.
I don't see why...
Freeze!
I don't see why...
Freeze!
X-police!
Freeze!
X-police!
X-police?
X-police!
X-police?
Yeah, we were kicked off the
X-police?
Yeah, we were kicked off the
force a few months ago.
Yeah, we were kicked off the
force a few months ago.
But that won't keep us from
Force a few months ago.
But that won't keep us from
enforcing the law.
But that won't keep us from
enforcing the law.
You two are adults cohabitating
Enforcing the law.
You two are adults cohabitating
in a single-family dwelling, and
You two are adults cohabitating
in a single-family dwelling, and
in this state that's a felony!
In a single-family dwelling, and
in this state that's a felony!
How do you know?
In this state that's a felony!
How do you know?
We live in this building.
How do you know?
We live in this building.
We see you coming and going all
We live in this building.
We see you coming and going all
the time.
We see you coming and going all
the time.
Hey, wait a minute.
The time.
Hey, wait a minute.
You can't break in here without
Hey, wait a minute.
You can't break in here without
a warrant!
You can't break in here without
a warrant!
Oh, no, I got a warrant
A warrant!
Oh, no, I got a warrant
right here.
Oh, no, I got a warrant
right here.
Come on.
Right here.
Come on.
Help me with it, will you?
Come on.
Help me with it, will you?
My god! Please!
Help me with it, will you?
My god! Please!
We've never done anything wrong!
My god! Please!
We've never done anything wrong!
Yeah, sure, slut!
We've never done anything wrong!
Yeah, sure, slut!
Oh, honey!
Yeah, sure, slut!
Oh, honey!
If you want, you can tell it
Oh, honey!
If you want, you can tell it
to the x-judge.
If you want, you can tell it
to the x-judge.
How you can say you've never
To the x-judge.
How you can say you've never
done anything wrong really makes
How you can say you've never
done anything wrong really makes
me sick!
Done anything wrong really makes
me sick!
Boy, you people make me sick!
Me sick!
Boy, you people make me sick!
Fornication, copulation, coitus!
Boy, you people make me sick!
Fornication, copulation, coitus!
It's all the same... Sex!
Fornication, copulation, coitus!
It's all the same... Sex!
You people are driving this
It's all the same... Sex!
You people are driving this
country into a godless mire!
You people are driving this
country into a godless mire!
I don't suppose you've ever seen
Country into a godless mire!
I don't suppose you've ever seen
a girl turning tricks on the
I don't suppose you've ever seen
a girl turning tricks on the
street because she was born out
A girl turning tricks on the
street because she was born out
of wedlock... A little
Street because she was born out
of wedlock... A little
14-year-old girl.
Of wedlock... A little
14-year-old girl.
Joe.
14-Year-old girl.
Joe.
Joe, maybe you should stop
Joe.
Joe, maybe you should stop
slamming her against the wall.
Joe, maybe you should stop
slamming her against the wall.
She's unconscious and really
Slamming her against the wall.
She's unconscious and really
can't benefit from your words.
She's unconscious and really
can't benefit from your words.
It's too late.
Can't benefit from your words.
It's too late.
She's dead.
It's too late.
She's dead.
Another promiscuity-related
She's dead.
Another promiscuity-related
death.
Another promiscuity-related
death.
This sort of thing turns my
Death.
This sort of thing turns my
stomach!
This sort of thing turns my
stomach!
Better make it look like the guy
Stomach!
Better make it look like the guy
did it.
Better make it look like the guy
did it.
Right. Here.
Did it.
Right. Here.
Put his hands around her neck.
Right. Here.
Put his hands around her neck.
Yeah, right, then we'll throw
Put his hands around her neck.
Yeah, right, then we'll throw
this glass of water in his face.
Yeah, right, then we'll throw
this glass of water in his face.
What, what, huh?
This glass of water in his face.
What, what, huh?
Yeah, come on up, fella.
What, what, huh?
Yeah, come on up, fella.
Yeah, you had a rough blow
Yeah, come on up, fella.
Yeah, you had a rough blow
there.
Yeah, you had a rough blow
there.
We came in to bust you for
There.
We came in to bust you for
cohabitation.
We came in to bust you for
cohabitation.
Your girlfriend here tried to
Cohabitation.
Your girlfriend here tried to
bribe us with sexual favors.
Your girlfriend here tried to
bribe us with sexual favors.
And in a fit of jealous rage you
Bribe us with sexual favors.
And in a fit of jealous rage you
went berserk, and you strangled
And in a fit of jealous rage you
went berserk, and you strangled
her before we could knock you
Went berserk, and you strangled
her before we could knock you
out!
Her before we could knock you
out!
I did?
Out!
I did?
Ohhh!
I did?
Ohhh!
Fingerprints!
Cohabitation.
[Scoffs]
well, joe, we've done all we
[Scoffs]
well, joe, we've done all we
can.
Well, joe, we've done all we
can.
Let's get out of here before the
Can.
Let's get out of here before the
real police come.
Let's get out of here before the
real police come.
Yeah, right!
Announcer: dave griffin
recovered from his fall and was
convicted of first-degree m*rder
Recovered from his fall and was
convicted of first-degree m*rder
in the beating death of
Convicted of first-degree m*rder
in the beating death of
susan edwards.
In the beating death of
susan edwards.
Griffin was sentenced to life
Susan edwards.
Griffin was sentenced to life
imprisonment in the california
Griffin was sentenced to life
imprisonment in the california
state men's penitentiary at
Imprisonment in the california
state men's penitentiary at
chino, where he died six months
State men's penitentiary at
chino, where he died six months
later while being sexually
Chino, where he died six months
later while being sexually
assaulted by other inmates.
Join us again next week for
Another episode of "x-police."
Ladies and gentlemen,
bonnie raitt!
[Cheers and applause]
Bonnie raitt!
[Cheers and applause]
[playing up-tempo
[Cheers and applause]
[playing up-tempo
introduction]
♪ As I walk along I wonder
what went wrong with our love,
a love that was so strong ♪
What went wrong with our love,
a love that was so strong ♪
♪ as I still walk on, I think
A love that was so strong ♪
♪ as I still walk on, I think
of all the things we've done
♪ As I still walk on, I think
of all the things we've done
together
Of all the things we've done
together
while our hearts were young ♪
Together
while our hearts were young ♪
♪ I'm a-walkin' in the rain ♪
While our hearts were young ♪
♪ I'm a-walkin' in the rain ♪
♪ tears are fallin',
♪ I'm a-walkin' in the rain ♪
♪ tears are fallin',
and I feel the pain ♪
♪ Tears are fallin',
and I feel the pain ♪
♪ wishin' you were here by me
And I feel the pain ♪
♪ wishin' you were here by me
to end this misery ♪
♪ Wishin' you were here by me
to end this misery ♪
♪ and I wonder ♪
To end this misery ♪
♪ and I wonder ♪
♪ I wo-o-o-nder ♪
♪ And I wonder ♪
♪ I wo-o-o-nder ♪
♪ you know why,
♪ I wo-o-o-nder ♪
♪ you know why,
you ran away ♪
♪ You know why,
you ran away ♪
♪ and I wonder
You ran away ♪
♪ and I wonder
if you will stay,
♪ And I wonder
if you will stay,
my little runaway ♪
If you will stay,
my little runaway ♪
♪ my little runaway ♪
[Saxophone plays]
♪ I'm a-walkin' in the rain ♪
♪ tears are fallin',
and I feel the pain ♪
♪ Tears are fallin',
and I feel the pain ♪
♪ wishin' you were here by me
And I feel the pain ♪
♪ wishin' you were here by me
to end this misery ♪
♪ Wishin' you were here by me
to end this misery ♪
♪ and I wonder ♪
To end this misery ♪
♪ and I wonder ♪
♪ I wo-o-o-nder, baby, yeah ♪
♪ And I wonder ♪
♪ I wo-o-o-nder, baby, yeah ♪
♪ you know why,
♪ I wo-o-o-nder, baby, yeah ♪
♪ you know why,
you ran away ♪
♪ You know why,
you ran away ♪
♪ and I wonder
You ran away ♪
♪ and I wonder
if you will stay,
♪ And I wonder
if you will stay,
my little runaway ♪
If you will stay,
my little runaway ♪
[saxophone plays]
My little runaway ♪
[saxophone plays]
♪ runaway ♪
[Saxophone plays]
♪ runaway ♪
♪ come back, baby ♪
♪ Runaway ♪
♪ come back, baby ♪
♪ run ♪
♪ Come back, baby ♪
♪ run ♪
♪ please don't stay away ♪
♪ Run ♪
♪ please don't stay away ♪
♪ you left me standin'
♪ Please don't stay away ♪
♪ you left me standin'
in the rain ♪
♪ You left me standin'
in the rain ♪
♪ run, run, runaway ♪
In the rain ♪
♪ run, run, runaway ♪
♪ come back, baby ♪
♪ Run, run, runaway ♪
♪ come back, baby ♪
♪ baby ♪
♪ Come back, baby ♪
♪ baby ♪
♪ runaway ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ runaway ♪
♪ left me in the rain ♪
♪ Runaway ♪
♪ left me in the rain ♪
♪ run, run, runaway ♪
♪ Left me in the rain ♪
♪ run, run, runaway ♪
♪ run, run, runaway ♪
♪ Run, run, runaway ♪
♪ run, run, runaway ♪
[cheers and applause]
Coming up, seattle slew may
never race again.
This and other stories on
Never race again.
This and other stories on
"weekend update," next.
This and other stories on
"weekend update," next.
Announcer: and now, "weekend
"Weekend update," next.
Announcer: and now, "weekend
update," with the "weekend
Announcer: and now, "weekend
update," with the "weekend
update" news team.
Update," with the "weekend
update" news team.
Brought to you by dimital.
Update" news team.
Brought to you by dimital.
Turns your mind into a doughnut
Brought to you by dimital.
Turns your mind into a doughnut
shop.
Turns your mind into a doughnut
shop.
Here are co-anchorpersons
Shop.
Here are co-anchorpersons
dan aykroyd and jane curtin.
Here are co-anchorpersons
dan aykroyd and jane curtin.
I am dan aykroyd.
Dan aykroyd and jane curtin.
I am dan aykroyd.
And I'm jane curtin.
I am dan aykroyd.
And I'm jane curtin.
Our top story tonight... Those
And I'm jane curtin.
Our top story tonight... Those
two old hustlers, bert lance and
Our top story tonight... Those
two old hustlers, bert lance and
larry flynt, got together this
Two old hustlers, bert lance and
larry flynt, got together this
week and formed a business
Larry flynt, got together this
week and formed a business
partnership.
Week and formed a business
partnership.
Utilizing their respective
Partnership.
Utilizing their respective
skills, they plan to open a g*ng
Utilizing their respective
skills, they plan to open a g*ng
bank.
Skills, they plan to open a g*ng
bank.
Well, that russian satellite
Bank.
Well, that russian satellite
filled with 100 pounds of highly
Well, that russian satellite
filled with 100 pounds of highly
radioactive uranium-235 has
Filled with 100 pounds of highly
radioactive uranium-235 has
finally turned up in, of all
Radioactive uranium-235 has
finally turned up in, of all
places, a nova scotia lobster
Finally turned up in, of all
places, a nova scotia lobster
bed.
Places, a nova scotia lobster
bed.
Scientists say that the
Bed.
Scientists say that the
radioactivity has had no
Scientists say that the
radioactivity has had no
significant effect on marine
Radioactivity has had no
significant effect on marine
life in the area, except that
Significant effect on marine
life in the area, except that
the lobsters are now as large as
Life in the area, except that
the lobsters are now as large as
helicopters, and you can read in
The lobsters are now as large as
helicopters, and you can read in
the dark with a mackerel.
Helicopters, and you can read in
the dark with a mackerel.
Because of a steering defect,
The dark with a mackerel.
Because of a steering defect,
general motors is recalling some
Because of a steering defect,
general motors is recalling some
1960 cadillac models, one of
General motors is recalling some
1960 cadillac models, one of
which belongs to pope paul.
1960 Cadillac models, one of
which belongs to pope paul.
While the pontiff could not be
Which belongs to pope paul.
While the pontiff could not be
reached for comment, it's
While the pontiff could not be
reached for comment, it's
reported he's not concerned
Reached for comment, it's
reported he's not concerned
because his cadillac is usually
Reported he's not concerned
because his cadillac is usually
carried on the shoulders of
Because his cadillac is usually
carried on the shoulders of
vatican aides, anyway.
Carried on the shoulders of
vatican aides, anyway.
Television personality
Vatican aides, anyway.
Television personality
tom snyder was lynched yesterday
Television personality
tom snyder was lynched yesterday
by an angry studio audience.
Tom snyder was lynched yesterday
by an angry studio audience.
A spokesperson for the mob said
By an angry studio audience.
A spokesperson for the mob said
they did it for no particular
A spokesperson for the mob said
they did it for no particular
reason.
They did it for no particular
reason.
They just didn't like snyder's
Reason.
They just didn't like snyder's
attitude.
They just didn't like snyder's
attitude.
And also in hollywood, sonny and
Attitude.
And also in hollywood, sonny and
cher are denying rumors that
And also in hollywood, sonny and
cher are denying rumors that
they will marry again, following
Cher are denying rumors that
they will marry again, following
cher's divorce from greg allman.
They will marry again, following
cher's divorce from greg allman.
This just in from the middle
Cher's divorce from greg allman.
This just in from the middle
east... P.l.o. Leader
This just in from the middle
east... P.l.o. Leader
yasir arafat said today that the
East... P.l.o. Leader
yasir arafat said today that the
p.l.o. Will recognize and fully
Yasir arafat said today that the
p.l.o. Will recognize and fully
support israel's right to make
P.l.o. Will recognize and fully
support israel's right to make
more concessions.
Support israel's right to make
more concessions.
New evidence uncovered at
More concessions.
New evidence uncovered at
pasadena's cal tech institute
New evidence uncovered at
pasadena's cal tech institute
has shown that albert einstein
Pasadena's cal tech institute
has shown that albert einstein
was wrong.
Has shown that albert einstein
was wrong.
Dr. Frank kelbor of the nuclear
Was wrong.
Dr. Frank kelbor of the nuclear
physics wing of haverbar-adams
Dr. Frank kelbor of the nuclear
physics wing of haverbar-adams
center claims that the equation
Physics wing of haverbar-adams
center claims that the equation
e=mc2 should be changed to
Center claims that the equation
e=mc2 should be changed to
e+e=mc-2/v2k.
E=mc2 should be changed to
e+e=mc-2/v2k.
That's "v" for volume squared
E+e=mc-2/v2k.
That's "v" for volume squared
"k."
That's "v" for volume squared
"k."
What this formula means is that
"K."
What this formula means is that
the atom nuclei are compacting
What this formula means is that
the atom nuclei are compacting
at a rate too fast for our
The atom nuclei are compacting
at a rate too fast for our
universe, and in 15 weeks we can
At a rate too fast for our
universe, and in 15 weeks we can
expect the end of time, space,
Universe, and in 15 weeks we can
expect the end of time, space,
and matter as we know it.
Expect the end of time, space,
and matter as we know it.
Sorry, albert.
And matter as we know it.
Sorry, albert.
While admitting that the
Sorry, albert.
While admitting that the
swastika symbol is abhorrent to
While admitting that the
swastika symbol is abhorrent to
jewish citizens, the illinois
Swastika symbol is abhorrent to
jewish citizens, the illinois
supreme court yesterday ruled
Jewish citizens, the illinois
supreme court yesterday ruled
that the american n*zi party has
Supreme court yesterday ruled
that the american n*zi party has
a constitutional right to
That the american n*zi party has
a constitutional right to
display the swastika in a parade
A constitutional right to
display the swastika in a parade
down the main street of the
Display the swastika in a parade
down the main street of the
largely jewish suburb of skokie,
Down the main street of the
largely jewish suburb of skokie,
illinois.
Largely jewish suburb of skokie,
illinois.
"Weekend update," in the
Illinois.
"Weekend update," in the
interest of fair and impartial
"Weekend update," in the
interest of fair and impartial
journalism, would like to remain
Interest of fair and impartial
journalism, would like to remain
neutral on this matter.
Journalism, would like to remain
neutral on this matter.
And if any american n*zi party
Neutral on this matter.
And if any american n*zi party
members would like to come to
And if any american n*zi party
members would like to come to
our newsroom, we'll gladly bend
Members would like to come to
our newsroom, we'll gladly bend
each and every one of them into
Our newsroom, we'll gladly bend
each and every one of them into
a shape of a swastika free of
Each and every one of them into
a shape of a swastika free of
charge.
The late casey stengel.
Was it worth it?
[Laughter]
Was it worth it?
[Laughter]
[cheers and applause]
[Laughter]
[cheers and applause]
we'll just sit here and have a
[Cheers and applause]
we'll just sit here and have a
conversation until our science
We'll just sit here and have a
conversation until our science
editor, roseanne rosannadanna,
Conversation until our science
editor, roseanne rosannadanna,
comes into place.
Editor, roseanne rosannadanna,
comes into place.
I'm sorry.
Comes into place.
I'm sorry.
Now that
I'm sorry.
Now that
roseanne rosannadanna is in
Now that
roseanne rosannadanna is in
place, we'll continue with
Roseanne rosannadanna is in
place, we'll continue with
roseanne rosannadanna instead of
Place, we'll continue with
roseanne rosannadanna instead of
doing the other stuff.
Roseanne rosannadanna instead of
doing the other stuff.
It wasn't funny, anyway.
Doing the other stuff.
It wasn't funny, anyway.
Former attorney general
It wasn't funny, anyway.
Former attorney general
john mitchell was reported in
Former attorney general
john mitchell was reported in
satisfactory condition this week
John mitchell was reported in
satisfactory condition this week
after surgery to repair an
Satisfactory condition this week
after surgery to repair an
aneurysm.
After surgery to repair an
aneurysm.
Here to explain to us exactly
Aneurysm.
Here to explain to us exactly
what an aneurysm is, is "update"
Here to explain to us exactly
what an aneurysm is, is "update"
science reporter
What an aneurysm is, is "update"
science reporter
roseanne rosannadanna.
Science reporter
roseanne rosannadanna.
Welcome.
Roseanne rosannadanna.
Welcome.
Thanks a lot, jane.
Welcome.
Thanks a lot, jane.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot, jane.
Thanks a lot.
Roseanne, just how serious is
Thanks a lot.
Roseanne, just how serious is
an aneurysm?
Roseanne, just how serious is
an aneurysm?
Oh, it's a rough one, jane!
An aneurysm?
Oh, it's a rough one, jane!
An aneurysm means that an artery
Oh, it's a rough one, jane!
An aneurysm means that an artery
in your body is weak, and it
An aneurysm means that an artery
in your body is weak, and it
starts to swell out like a
In your body is weak, and it
starts to swell out like a
balloon.
Starts to swell out like a
balloon.
It could burst and lead to a
Balloon.
It could burst and lead to a
stroke.
It could burst and lead to a
stroke.
But, jane, if you ask me,
Stroke.
But, jane, if you ask me,
roseanne rosannadanna,
But, jane, if you ask me,
roseanne rosannadanna,
mr. Mitchell is a lucky guy,
Roseanne rosannadanna,
mr. Mitchell is a lucky guy,
because his aneurysm is on the
Mr. Mitchell is a lucky guy,
because his aneurysm is on the
inside of his body, where no one
Because his aneurysm is on the
inside of his body, where no one
can see it.
Inside of his body, where no one
can see it.
If it was on the outside, then
Can see it.
If it was on the outside, then
he'd be in trouble!
If it was on the outside, then
he'd be in trouble!
He'd look in the mirror before
He'd be in trouble!
He'd look in the mirror before
an important date or a meeting
He'd look in the mirror before
an important date or a meeting
and say, "oh, no!
An important date or a meeting
and say, "oh, no!
Tonight's the big dance, and
And say, "oh, no!
Tonight's the big dance, and
I got an aneurysm on my face!
Tonight's the big dance, and
I got an aneurysm on my face!
I can't go out like this!"
I got an aneurysm on my face!
I can't go out like this!"
Let me let you in on a little
I can't go out like this!"
Let me let you in on a little
secret.
Let me let you in on a little
secret.
Once, i, roseanne rosannadanna,
Secret.
Once, i, roseanne rosannadanna,
had a little wart on my face.
Once, i, roseanne rosannadanna,
had a little wart on my face.
It was like this bubble thing,
Had a little wart on my face.
It was like this bubble thing,
round, and it was hard as a
It was like this bubble thing,
round, and it was hard as a
rock.
Round, and it was hard as a
rock.
I thought that I was gonna die!
Rock.
I thought that I was gonna die!
I said to myself,
I thought that I was gonna die!
I said to myself,
"roseanne rosannadanna, how did
I said to myself,
"roseanne rosannadanna, how did
you get this wart?
"Roseanne rosannadanna, how did
you get this wart?
You didn't touch no toad!"
You get this wart?
You didn't touch no toad!"
But at least, thanks a lot, it
You didn't touch no toad!"
But at least, thanks a lot, it
wasn't the kind that had a hair
But at least, thanks a lot, it
wasn't the kind that had a hair
sticking out of it.
Wasn't the kind that had a hair
sticking out of it.
You know the ones that your
Sticking out of it.
You know the ones that your
mother's friends usually have,
You know the ones that your
mother's friends usually have,
and you have to kiss them?
Mother's friends usually have,
and you have to kiss them?
Like, did you ever stub your big
And you have to kiss them?
Like, did you ever stub your big
toe on the car door or drop
Like, did you ever stub your big
toe on the car door or drop
something heavy on your foot,
Toe on the car door or drop
something heavy on your foot,
and the toenail on the big toe
Something heavy on your foot,
and the toenail on the big toe
turns different colors, like
And the toenail on the big toe
turns different colors, like
purple and brown and green, and
Turns different colors, like
purple and brown and green, and
then it hangs there, and then it
Purple and brown and green, and
then it hangs there, and then it
falls off in your sock?
Then it hangs there, and then it
falls off in your sock?
And you're left with a toe with
Falls off in your sock?
And you're left with a toe with
no nail, and a sock that has a
And you're left with a toe with
no nail, and a sock that has a
nail.
No nail, and a sock that has a
nail.
What about the little,
Nail.
What about the little,
teeny-tiny baby toe?
What about the little,
teeny-tiny baby toe?
They are always so weird!
Teeny-tiny baby toe?
They are always so weird!
Like, sometimes the nail on them
They are always so weird!
Like, sometimes the nail on them
looks like a canoe!
Like, sometimes the nail on them
looks like a canoe!
Or, like, it curves around like
Looks like a canoe!
Or, like, it curves around like
one of those boomerangs.
Or, like, it curves around like
one of those boomerangs.
And even if you clip it, you
One of those boomerangs.
And even if you clip it, you
can't throw it away, because
And even if you clip it, you
can't throw it away, because
they come back!
Can't throw it away, because
they come back!
Jane, I was just wondering...
They come back!
Jane, I was just wondering...
What does your baby toe look
Jane, I was just wondering...
What does your baby toe look
like?
What does your baby toe look
like?
Roseanne, you're making me
Like?
Roseanne, you're making me
sick.
Roseanne, you're making me
sick.
Hey, what's your problem?
Sick.
Hey, what's your problem?
What do warts, fever
Hey, what's your problem?
What do warts, fever
blisters, and anything have to
What do warts, fever
blisters, and anything have to
do with aneurysms?!
Blisters, and anything have to
do with aneurysms?!
Well, jane, it just goes to
Do with aneurysms?!
Well, jane, it just goes to
show you.
Well, jane, it just goes to
show you.
It's always something.
Show you.
It's always something.
I wanted to tell mr. Mitchell.
It's always something.
I wanted to tell mr. Mitchell.
I don't care what your politics
I wanted to tell mr. Mitchell.
I don't care what your politics
is.
I don't care what your politics
is.
I know your wife is dead.
Is.
I know your wife is dead.
I know you got to go back to
I know your wife is dead.
I know you got to go back to
jail.
I know you got to go back to
jail.
So I'll leave you alone.
Jail.
So I'll leave you alone.
It's just like my father used to
So I'll leave you alone.
It's just like my father used to
tell me when I was a little
It's just like my father used to
tell me when I was a little
girl.
Tell me when I was a little
girl.
I'd take my bath, and he'd make
Girl.
I'd take my bath, and he'd make
sure I was nice and dry.
I'd take my bath, and he'd make
sure I was nice and dry.
He'd put powder under my arms
Sure I was nice and dry.
He'd put powder under my arms
and every place.
He'd put powder under my arms
and every place.
And then just before he'd tuck
And every place.
And then just before he'd tuck
me into bed, he'd take my foot
And then just before he'd tuck
me into bed, he'd take my foot
in his hand and he'd say, "this
Me into bed, he'd take my foot
in his hand and he'd say, "this
little piggy went to market.
In his hand and he'd say, "this
little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
Little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast
beef.
This little piggy had roast
beef.
This little piggy had none.
Beef.
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy has a
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy has a
toenail that looks like a
And this little piggy has a
toenail that looks like a
boomerang!
Toenail that looks like a
boomerang!
Good night, my little
Boomerang!
Good night, my little
roseanne rosannadanna!"
Good night, my little
roseanne rosannadanna!"
Good night,
Roseanne rosannadanna!"
Good night,
roseanne rosannadanna.
Good night,
roseanne rosannadanna.
Hey, you want to have dinner?
Roseanne rosannadanna.
Hey, you want to have dinner?
No!
Hey, you want to have dinner?
No!
That's the news.
No!
That's the news.
Good night and have a pleasant
That's the news.
Good night and have a pleasant
tomorrow.
Good night and have a pleasant
tomorrow.
Announcer: this portion of
Tomorrow.
Announcer: this portion of
"weekend update" has been
Announcer: this portion of
"weekend update" has been
brought to you by transamerica,
"Weekend update" has been
brought to you by transamerica,
where salad dressing and women's
Brought to you by transamerica,
where salad dressing and women's
sanitary napkins are the only
Where salad dressing and women's
sanitary napkins are the only
things we put our name on.
[Humming to the "2001: a space
odyssey" theme]
♪ duh...
[Odyssey" theme]
♪ duh...
Duh...
♪ Duh...
Duh...
Duh ♪
Duh...
Duh ♪
♪ duh-duh ♪
Duh ♪
♪ duh-duh ♪
[scatting]
♪ Duh-duh ♪
[scatting]
♪ duh... Duh... Duh ♪
[Scatting]
♪ duh... Duh... Duh ♪
♪ duh-duh ♪
♪ Duh... Duh... Duh ♪
♪ duh-duh ♪
♪ duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh ♪
♪ Duh-duh ♪
♪ duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh ♪
♪ duh-duh-duh ♪
♪ Duh-duh-duh duh duh-duh-duh ♪
♪ duh-duh-duh ♪
♪ duh... Duh... Duh ♪
♪ Duh-duh-duh ♪
♪ duh... Duh... Duh ♪
oh!
♪ Duh... Duh... Duh ♪
oh!
Thank you!
Oh!
Thank you!
Thank you very much!
Thank you!
Thank you very much!
I always open with a little
Thank you very much!
I always open with a little
something by a guy named
I always open with a little
something by a guy named
richard strauss called
Something by a guy named
richard strauss called
"twenty-oh-one."
Richard strauss called
"twenty-oh-one."
Welcome to the powder room,
"Twenty-oh-one."
Welcome to the powder room,
everybody, up here at beautiful
Welcome to the powder room,
everybody, up here at beautiful
meatloaf mountain.
Everybody, up here at beautiful
meatloaf mountain.
I'm nick winters, and I'm here
Meatloaf mountain.
I'm nick winters, and I'm here
to entertain you.
I'm nick winters, and I'm here
to entertain you.
So sit back, have a hot buttered
To entertain you.
So sit back, have a hot buttered
rum, and let it happen.
So sit back, have a hot buttered
rum, and let it happen.
Now, what do I see here down in
Rum, and let it happen.
Now, what do I see here down in
the front?
Now, what do I see here down in
the front?
We got a cute, little girl here
The front?
We got a cute, little girl here
with a cast on her leg!
We got a cute, little girl here
with a cast on her leg!
Honey, why did you bother to
With a cast on her leg!
Honey, why did you bother to
come up to meatloaf with a
Honey, why did you bother to
come up to meatloaf with a
broken leg?!
Come up to meatloaf with a
broken leg?!
I-i broke it today.
Broken leg?!
I-i broke it today.
This is my vacation.
I-i broke it today.
This is my vacation.
Oh, that's terrible.
This is my vacation.
Oh, that's terrible.
I guess we'll be seeing a lot of
Oh, that's terrible.
I guess we'll be seeing a lot of
you here in the powder room,
I guess we'll be seeing a lot of
you here in the powder room,
huh?
You here in the powder room,
huh?
I'm sure everybody wants to
Huh?
I'm sure everybody wants to
know.
I'm sure everybody wants to
know.
What's your name, and how did
Know.
What's your name, and how did
you do it?
What's your name, and how did
you do it?
Well, I'm marilyn sunberg,
You do it?
Well, I'm marilyn sunberg,
and I rented my skis and boots
Well, I'm marilyn sunberg,
and I rented my skis and boots
here at meatloaf mountain.
And I rented my skis and boots
here at meatloaf mountain.
And my bindings were too tight,
Here at meatloaf mountain.
And my bindings were too tight,
and I broke my leg walking over
And my bindings were too tight,
and I broke my leg walking over
to the toe lift.
And I broke my leg walking over
to the toe lift.
Oh, bummer-ski, huh,
To the toe lift.
Oh, bummer-ski, huh,
everybody?
Oh, bummer-ski, huh,
everybody?
That is awful!
Everybody?
That is awful!
Well, the guys in rental are
That is awful!
Well, the guys in rental are
usually real good.
Well, the guys in rental are
usually real good.
It must have been some sabotage
Usually real good.
It must have been some sabotage
of some sort by disgruntled
It must have been some sabotage
of some sort by disgruntled
skiers or something.
Of some sort by disgruntled
skiers or something.
It happens.
Skiers or something.
It happens.
Hey!
It happens.
Hey!
I am gonna autograph your cast
Hey!
I am gonna autograph your cast
here, if you don't mind... A
I am gonna autograph your cast
here, if you don't mind... A
little something I always sign.
Here, if you don't mind... A
little something I always sign.
"Don't eat yellow snow...
Little something I always sign.
"Don't eat yellow snow...
Nick winters."
"Don't eat yellow snow...
Nick winters."
All right, honey?
Nick winters."
All right, honey?
You're welcome, kitten.
All right, honey?
You're welcome, kitten.
Hey, who's this crazy dude, your
You're welcome, kitten.
Hey, who's this crazy dude, your
old man?
Hey, who's this crazy dude, your
old man?
Paul sunberg.
Old man?
Paul sunberg.
I'm from minneapolis.
Paul sunberg.
I'm from minneapolis.
Uh-huh?
I'm from minneapolis.
Uh-huh?
And what do you do, besides
Uh-huh?
And what do you do, besides
babysit for marilyn, here?
And what do you do, besides
babysit for marilyn, here?
I'm a chemical purchaser
Babysit for marilyn, here?
I'm a chemical purchaser
for the ice masters salt
I'm a chemical purchaser
for the ice masters salt
company.
For the ice masters salt
company.
Here's my card.
Company.
Here's my card.
You can use the product here at
Here's my card.
You can use the product here at
meatloaf mountain, you know?
You can use the product here at
meatloaf mountain, you know?
Bueno, my amigo.
Meatloaf mountain, you know?
Bueno, my amigo.
We'll put this up over the bar,
Bueno, my amigo.
We'll put this up over the bar,
with some of the other cards.
We'll put this up over the bar,
with some of the other cards.
Mr. And mrs. Sunberg, this next
With some of the other cards.
Mr. And mrs. Sunberg, this next
song is going to be for you,
Mr. And mrs. Sunberg, this next
song is going to be for you,
because I hope that leg heals
Song is going to be for you,
because I hope that leg heals
and you're back on the slopes in
Because I hope that leg heals
and you're back on the slopes in
a couple of weeks.
And you're back on the slopes in
a couple of weeks.
Oh, that cast makes me so sad.
A couple of weeks.
Oh, that cast makes me so sad.
♪ Oh, don't it make
Oh, that cast makes me so sad.
♪ Oh, don't it make
my brown eyes... ♪
♪ Oh, don't it make
my brown eyes... ♪
♪ Don't it make
My brown eyes... ♪
♪ Don't it make
my brown eyes... ♪
♪ Don't it make
my brown eyes... ♪
♪ Don't it make
My brown eyes... ♪
♪ Don't it make
my brown eyes bl-ue-ue-ue? ♪
♪ Don't it make
my brown eyes bl-ue-ue-ue? ♪
Tasty lick, paul.
My brown eyes bl-ue-ue-ue? ♪
Tasty lick, paul.
♪ Don't it make my brown eyes ♪
Tasty lick, paul.
♪ Don't it make my brown eyes ♪
they're actually hazel.
♪ Don't it make my brown eyes ♪
they're actually hazel.
♪ Don't it make
They're actually hazel.
♪ Don't it make
my brown eyes... ♪
♪ Don't it make
my brown eyes... ♪
♪ Don't it make my brown eyes
My brown eyes... ♪
♪ Don't it make my brown eyes
bl-ue-ue? ♪
♪ Don't it make my brown eyes
bl-ue-ue? ♪
Love it, love it.
Bl-ue-ue? ♪
Love it, love it.
Just a second.
Love it, love it.
Just a second.
We have a celebrity in the
Just a second.
We have a celebrity in the
audience tonight!
We have a celebrity in the
audience tonight!
It's heinz kleimer with a
Audience tonight!
It's heinz kleimer with a
snow bunny on his arm.
It's heinz kleimer with a
snow bunny on his arm.
He's the head of the ski patrol.
Snow bunny on his arm.
He's the head of the ski patrol.
Up to a little bit of night
He's the head of the ski patrol.
Up to a little bit of night
hot-dogging tonight, heinz?
Up to a little bit of night
hot-dogging tonight, heinz?
Not particularly.
Hot-dogging tonight, heinz?
Not particularly.
I just came to cash my paycheck.
Not particularly.
I just came to cash my paycheck.
You know, at 9:30 tonight,
I just came to cash my paycheck.
You know, at 9:30 tonight,
heinz will lead the ski school
You know, at 9:30 tonight,
heinz will lead the ski school
and the whole patrol in the
Heinz will lead the ski school
and the whole patrol in the
torch snake dance, all the way
And the whole patrol in the
torch snake dance, all the way
down bear run.
Torch snake dance, all the way
down bear run.
Let's see if he's in any kind of
Down bear run.
Let's see if he's in any kind of
position to pull it off.
Let's see if he's in any kind of
position to pull it off.
Tell us, heinz, where did the
Position to pull it off.
Tell us, heinz, where did the
snake torch dance originate?
Tell us, heinz, where did the
snake torch dance originate?
As a matter of fact, nick,
Snake torch dance originate?
As a matter of fact, nick,
the snake dance originated in
As a matter of fact, nick,
the snake dance originated in
zermatt, switzerland, during the
The snake dance originated in
zermatt, switzerland, during the
world w*r, as a signal to allied
Zermatt, switzerland, during the
world w*r, as a signal to allied
bombers.
World w*r, as a signal to allied
bombers.
A little bit of history,
Bombers.
A little bit of history,
everybody.
A little bit of history,
everybody.
Is that true?
Everybody.
Is that true?
No.
Is that true?
No.
I just said that because you
No.
I just said that because you
will believe anything, and you
I just said that because you
will believe anything, and you
are a pimp!
Will believe anything, and you
are a pimp!
And if you don't leave me alone,
Are a pimp!
And if you don't leave me alone,
I shall strike you!
And if you don't leave me alone,
I shall strike you!
Okay.
I shall strike you!
Okay.
And who is this pretty snow
Okay.
And who is this pretty snow
muffin here with you, heinz?
And who is this pretty snow
muffin here with you, heinz?
Mrs. Lyman.
Muffin here with you, heinz?
Mrs. Lyman.
Excuse me, what?
Mrs. Lyman.
Excuse me, what?
Mrs. Lyman.
Excuse me, what?
Mrs. Lyman.
I'm sorry.
Mrs. Lyman.
I'm sorry.
Could you say it one more time?
I'm sorry.
Could you say it one more time?
Mrs. Lyman!
Could you say it one more time?
Mrs. Lyman!
Oh, mrs. Lyman.
Mrs. Lyman!
Oh, mrs. Lyman.
Oh, I see.
Oh, mrs. Lyman.
Oh, I see.
Are you still married,
Oh, I see.
Are you still married,
mrs. Lyman?
Are you still married,
mrs. Lyman?
Yes.
Mrs. Lyman?
Yes.
My husband is exhausted.
Yes.
My husband is exhausted.
He's in the room, and I don't
My husband is exhausted.
He's in the room, and I don't
ski.
He's in the room, and I don't
ski.
I see.
Ski.
I see.
Well, you make friends with
I see.
Well, you make friends with
heinz here.
Well, you make friends with
heinz here.
He'll give you a couple of free
Heinz here.
He'll give you a couple of free
lessons and have you up on the
He'll give you a couple of free
lessons and have you up on the
boards in no time.
Lessons and have you up on the
boards in no time.
Mrs. Lyman, how about a request?
Boards in no time.
Mrs. Lyman, how about a request?
No!
Mrs. Lyman, how about a request?
No!
Well, there are never any
No!
Well, there are never any
requests, I guess, because
Well, there are never any
requests, I guess, because
there's only one way everybody
Requests, I guess, because
there's only one way everybody
wants it, and that's with plenty
There's only one way everybody
wants it, and that's with plenty
of snow!
Wants it, and that's with plenty
of snow!
♪ Aw, that's the way, uh-huh,
Of snow!
♪ Aw, that's the way, uh-huh,
uh-huh, I like it ♪
♪ Aw, that's the way, uh-huh,
uh-huh, I like it ♪
six inches of powder!
Uh-huh, I like it ♪
six inches of powder!
♪ That's the way ♪
Six inches of powder!
♪ That's the way ♪
with a 50-inch base!
♪ That's the way ♪
with a 50-inch base!
♪ I like it ♪
With a 50-inch base!
♪ I like it ♪
and a lot of cute snow bunnies.
♪ I like it ♪
and a lot of cute snow bunnies.
♪ Do-do-do do-do-do do-do-do ♪
And a lot of cute snow bunnies.
♪ Do-do-do do-do-do do-do-do ♪
♪ aah ♪
♪ Do-do-do do-do-do do-do-do ♪
♪ aah ♪
♪ do-do-do do-do-do do-do-do ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ do-do-do do-do-do do-do-do ♪
♪ oh, that's the way
♪ Do-do-do do-do-do do-do-do ♪
♪ oh, that's the way
we all like it ♪
♪ Oh, that's the way
we all like it ♪
no lift lines, either, huh?
We all like it ♪
no lift lines, either, huh?
Uh-oh, wait a second.
No lift lines, either, huh?
Uh-oh, wait a second.
[Engine humming]
Uh-oh, wait a second.
[Engine humming]
you hear what I hear?
[Engine humming]
you hear what I hear?
It's the snowcat...
You hear what I hear?
It's the snowcat...
Meatloaf mountain snowcat,
It's the snowcat...
Meatloaf mountain snowcat,
operated by our own
Meatloaf mountain snowcat,
operated by our own
jimmy joe red sky, the fella
Operated by our own
jimmy joe red sky, the fella
who manicures all the slopes and
Jimmy joe red sky, the fella
who manicures all the slopes and
runs the snow g*ns and makes
Who manicures all the slopes and
runs the snow g*ns and makes
sure none of you dudes hit any
Runs the snow g*ns and makes
sure none of you dudes hit any
rocks up there.
Sure none of you dudes hit any
rocks up there.
He comes in every night about
Rocks up there.
He comes in every night about
this time to give the snow
He comes in every night about
this time to give the snow
report.
This time to give the snow
report.
Let's give him a welcome!
Report.
Let's give him a welcome!
Come on! Jimmy joe red sky!
Let's give him a welcome!
Come on! Jimmy joe red sky!
Hello, nick!
Come on! Jimmy joe red sky!
Hello, nick!
Look what I got here!
Hello, nick!
Look what I got here!
Whoa! What is that?!
Look what I got here!
Whoa! What is that?!
It's a porcupine!
Whoa! What is that?!
It's a porcupine!
I was coming down bear run,
It's a porcupine!
I was coming down bear run,
doing about 50 in the snowcat,
I was coming down bear run,
doing about 50 in the snowcat,
and he ran right out in front of
Doing about 50 in the snowcat,
and he ran right out in front of
me.
And he ran right out in front of
me.
He froze!
Me.
He froze!
He looked in the headlights,
He froze!
He looked in the headlights,
froze, and I hit him.
He looked in the headlights,
froze, and I hit him.
I hit him with the snow packer.
Froze, and I hit him.
I hit him with the snow packer.
He's frozen up solid now.
I hit him with the snow packer.
He's frozen up solid now.
But, you know, you can make a
He's frozen up solid now.
But, you know, you can make a
good soup out of the quills, you
But, you know, you can make a
good soup out of the quills, you
know?
Good soup out of the quills, you
know?
Well, how are the snow
Know?
Well, how are the snow
conditions for tomorrow?
Well, how are the snow
conditions for tomorrow?
One thing about indians is that
Conditions for tomorrow?
One thing about indians is that
they always know when it's going
One thing about indians is that
they always know when it's going
to snow, and I love that.
They always know when it's going
to snow, and I love that.
It's terrific.
To snow, and I love that.
It's terrific.
What do you think about
It's terrific.
What do you think about
tomorrow?
What do you think about
tomorrow?
Well, my nose tells me it's
Tomorrow?
Well, my nose tells me it's
gonna snow tomorrow.
Well, my nose tells me it's
gonna snow tomorrow.
You see the veins sticking out?
Gonna snow tomorrow.
You see the veins sticking out?
I guess you'll get about 3 to 6
You see the veins sticking out?
I guess you'll get about 3 to 6
inches.
I guess you'll get about 3 to 6
inches.
I know, because I'm gonna be out
Inches.
I know, because I'm gonna be out
there making it with my snow
I know, because I'm gonna be out
there making it with my snow
g*ns.
There making it with my snow
g*ns.
I need a drink.
g*ns.
I need a drink.
Okay, and this one's on
I need a drink.
Okay, and this one's on
nick winters.
Okay, and this one's on
nick winters.
If you would, herbert.
Nick winters.
If you would, herbert.
Thank you.
If you would, herbert.
Thank you.
Well, great.
Thank you.
Well, great.
There you have it.
Well, great.
There you have it.
Hey, everybody, snow tomorrow.
There you have it.
Hey, everybody, snow tomorrow.
But let's all think powder and
Hey, everybody, snow tomorrow.
But let's all think powder and
lots of it, please?
But let's all think powder and
lots of it, please?
Who's a powder animal?
Lots of it, please?
Who's a powder animal?
Everybody! All right!
Who's a powder animal?
Everybody! All right!
Okay, pauly, you ready to play a
Everybody! All right!
Okay, pauly, you ready to play a
little bit of music?
Okay, pauly, you ready to play a
little bit of music?
No.
Little bit of music?
No.
Now wait a minute!
No.
Now wait a minute!
This is the nick winters show,
Now wait a minute!
This is the nick winters show,
and I do the entertaining, thank
This is the nick winters show,
and I do the entertaining, thank
you!
And I do the entertaining, thank
you!
Let's go out with something
You!
Let's go out with something
really hot for these folks...
Let's go out with something
really hot for these folks...
The big hit out of '77.
Really hot for these folks...
The big hit out of '77.
♪ Ah... Star wars,
The big hit out of '77.
♪ Ah... Star wars,
nothing but star wars ♪
♪ Ah... Star wars,
nothing but star wars ♪
♪ give me those star wars ♪
Nothing but star wars ♪
♪ give me those star wars ♪
♪ don't let them end ♪
♪ Give me those star wars ♪
♪ don't let them end ♪
♪ ah, star wars ♪
♪ Don't let them end ♪
♪ ah, star wars ♪
♪ if they should bar wars ♪
♪ Ah, star wars ♪
♪ if they should bar wars ♪
♪ please let these star wars
♪ If they should bar wars ♪
♪ please let these star wars
stay ♪
♪ Please let these star wars
stay ♪
♪ and, hey,
Stay ♪
♪ and, hey,
how about that nutty "star wars"
♪ And, hey,
how about that nutty "star wars"
bar? ♪
How about that nutty "star wars"
bar? ♪
♪ Can you forget all
Bar? ♪
♪ Can you forget all
the creatures in there? ♪
♪ Can you forget all
the creatures in there? ♪
♪ And, hey, darth vader
The creatures in there? ♪
♪ And, hey, darth vader
in that black and evil mask ♪
♪ And, hey, darth vader
in that black and evil mask ♪
♪ did he scare you as much as he
In that black and evil mask ♪
♪ did he scare you as much as he
scared me? ♪
♪ Did he scare you as much as he
scared me? ♪
Aahhh!
Scared me? ♪
Aahhh!
♪ Star wars,
Aahhh!
♪ Star wars,
those near and far wars ♪
♪ Star wars,
those near and far wars ♪
my seventh winter up here!
Those near and far wars ♪
my seventh winter up here!
♪ Star wars ♪
[French accent] good
evening.
I am...
And welcome to "frogs look at
film."
Alors, jean-paul sartre has
Film."
Alors, jean-paul sartre has
called him l'idiot sacré.
Alors, jean-paul sartre has
called him l'idiot sacré.
Jean genet has called him
Called him l'idiot sacré.
Jean genet has called him
l'imbécile magnifique.
Jean genet has called him
l'imbécile magnifique.
But to the millions of frenchmen
L'imbécile magnifique.
But to the millions of frenchmen
who adore him, he's known simply
But to the millions of frenchmen
who adore him, he's known simply
as le moron stupide.
Who adore him, he's known simply
as le moron stupide.
I am speaking, of course, of
As le moron stupide.
I am speaking, of course, of
jerry lewis, without question
I am speaking, of course, of
jerry lewis, without question
the mightiest cinematic genius
Jerry lewis, without question
the mightiest cinematic genius
of the 20th century.
The mightiest cinematic genius
of the 20th century.
It is a great honor to present
Of the 20th century.
It is a great honor to present
the classic film...
It is a great honor to present
the classic film...
[Speaking french]
The classic film...
[Speaking french]
or, as it was released in
[Speaking french]
or, as it was released in
america, "the nutty air-traffic
Or, as it was released in
america, "the nutty air-traffic
controller."
America, "the nutty air-traffic
controller."
I think you'll agree.
Controller."
I think you'll agree.
This is the crème de lewis.
I think you'll agree.
This is the crème de lewis.
Enjoy.
Now, you're quite sure about
this, kitten.
Oh, yes, daddy.
This, kitten.
Oh, yes, daddy.
Melvin just needs a chance to
Oh, yes, daddy.
Melvin just needs a chance to
prove himself.
Melvin just needs a chance to
prove himself.
Well, very well, then.
Prove himself.
Well, very well, then.
Melvin, would you step in here,
Well, very well, then.
Melvin, would you step in here,
please?
Melvin, would you step in here,
please?
Whaa!
Please?
Whaa!
Melvin, you have had three
Whaa!
Melvin, you have had three
jobs here at butterworth
Melvin, you have had three
jobs here at butterworth
international airport... Door
Jobs here at butterworth
international airport... Door
boy, errand boy, and bellboy...
International airport... Door
boy, errand boy, and bellboy...
And they've all been disasters!
Boy, errand boy, and bellboy...
And they've all been disasters!
Don't hit... Don't hit a
And they've all been disasters!
Don't hit... Don't hit a
person!
Don't hit... Don't hit a
person!
But because my little
Person!
But because my little
princess has faith in you, I'm
But because my little
princess has faith in you, I'm
going to give you one last
Princess has faith in you, I'm
going to give you one last
chance.
Going to give you one last
chance.
Oh, thank you,
Chance.
Oh, thank you,
mr. Blisterwart.
Oh, thank you,
mr. Blisterwart.
As an air-traffic controller.
Mr. Blisterwart.
As an air-traffic controller.
Oh, thank you,
As an air-traffic controller.
Oh, thank you,
mr. Butterblimp.
Oh, thank you,
mr. Butterblimp.
The name is butterworth!
Mr. Butterblimp.
The name is butterworth!
Chester b. Butterworth!
The name is butterworth!
Chester b. Butterworth!
Mr. Butterblimper.
Chester b. Butterworth!
Mr. Butterblimper.
Now, melvin, you'll be
Mr. Butterblimper.
Now, melvin, you'll be
working closely with these three
Now, melvin, you'll be
working closely with these three
gentlemen... Clyde hyman,
Working closely with these three
gentlemen... Clyde hyman,
steven clavin, and
Gentlemen... Clyde hyman,
steven clavin, and
irwin flamen.
Steven clavin, and
irwin flamen.
Hi, mr. Hyman, mr. Clavin,
Irwin flamen.
Hi, mr. Hyman, mr. Clavin,
mr. Bloymen.
Hi, mr. Hyman, mr. Clavin,
mr. Bloymen.
Mr. Clavin, please give
Mr. Bloymen.
Mr. Clavin, please give
melvin your headset, and,
Mr. Clavin, please give
melvin your headset, and,
mr. Flamen, if you could explain
Melvin your headset, and,
mr. Flamen, if you could explain
melvin's duties to him, please.
Mr. Flamen, if you could explain
melvin's duties to him, please.
And, melvin, in the future,
Melvin's duties to him, please.
And, melvin, in the future,
would you kindly wear real
And, melvin, in the future,
would you kindly wear real
clothes?!
Would you kindly wear real
clothes?!
Aah!
Clothes?!
Aah!
Okay.
Aah!
Okay.
Thank you, mr. Besterwart,
Okay.
Thank you, mr. Besterwart,
mr. Butterblimp.
Thank you, mr. Besterwart,
mr. Butterblimp.
That's butterworth!
Mr. Butterblimp.
That's butterworth!
Oh! I'm sorry!
That's butterworth!
Oh! I'm sorry!
Oh, don't mind daddy, melvin.
Oh! I'm sorry!
Oh, don't mind daddy, melvin.
He's just so particular about
Oh, don't mind daddy, melvin.
He's just so particular about
his airport.
He's just so particular about
his airport.
I know in time he'll love you
His airport.
I know in time he'll love you
just as much as I do.
I know in time he'll love you
just as much as I do.
♪ La la la, la la la ♪
Just as much as I do.
♪ La la la, la la la ♪
♪ la la ♪
♪ La la la, la la la ♪
♪ la la ♪
you're a nice lady.
♪ La la ♪
you're a nice lady.
Good luck, melvin.
You're a nice lady.
Good luck, melvin.
Okay, melvin, take a look at
Good luck, melvin.
Okay, melvin, take a look at
your screen here, and I'll brief
Okay, melvin, take a look at
your screen here, and I'll brief
you on the traffic pattern in
Your screen here, and I'll brief
you on the traffic pattern in
your sector.
You on the traffic pattern in
your sector.
Okay, it's getting pretty busy
Your sector.
Okay, it's getting pretty busy
out there.
Okay, it's getting pretty busy
out there.
Braking conditions are fair to
Out there.
Braking conditions are fair to
poor, zero rollout, and zero
Braking conditions are fair to
poor, zero rollout, and zero
visibility.
Poor, zero rollout, and zero
visibility.
As you can see here, you've got
Visibility.
As you can see here, you've got
two jumbo jets holding to come
As you can see here, you've got
two jumbo jets holding to come
in here.
Two jumbo jets holding to come
in here.
Yeah.
In here.
Yeah.
That is a transeastern 601 at
Yeah.
That is a transeastern 601 at
10:00 and a pan asian at 11:00,
That is a transeastern 601 at
10:00 and a pan asian at 11:00,
okay?
10:00 And a pan asian at 11:00,
okay?
I think you'll pick this up
Okay?
I think you'll pick this up
pretty quickly.
I think you'll pick this up
pretty quickly.
Oh, sure.
Pretty quickly.
Oh, sure.
But whatever you do, don't
Oh, sure.
But whatever you do, don't
send them to the same runway,
But whatever you do, don't
send them to the same runway,
okay?
Send them to the same runway,
okay?
Butterworth center, this is
Okay?
Butterworth center, this is
pan asian 28 heavy.
Butterworth center, this is
pan asian 28 heavy.
Starting descent now at 6,000.
Pan asian 28 heavy.
Starting descent now at 6,000.
Still with you. Over.
Starting descent now at 6,000.
Still with you. Over.
Come in, pan asian 28.
Still with you. Over.
Come in, pan asian 28.
Hi! This is melvin.
Come in, pan asian 28.
Hi! This is melvin.
Melvin?
Hi! This is melvin.
Melvin?
I mean, roger.
Melvin?
I mean, roger.
I mean, melvin.
I mean, roger.
I mean, melvin.
And mr. Flamen and mr. Flamen
I mean, melvin.
And mr. Flamen and mr. Flamen
and mr. Klamen.
And mr. Flamen and mr. Flamen
and mr. Klamen.
Transeastern 601 heavy with
And mr. Klamen.
Transeastern 601 heavy with
you.
Transeastern 601 heavy with
you.
We're heading towards outer
You.
We're heading towards outer
marker at 2,000.
We're heading towards outer
marker at 2,000.
Request permission to land
Marker at 2,000.
Request permission to land
runway 22 left.
Request permission to land
runway 22 left.
Over.
Runway 22 left.
Over.
Wait a minute,
Over.
Wait a minute,
mr. Transeastern.
Wait a minute,
mr. Transeastern.
I'm talking to pan asian.
Mr. Transeastern.
I'm talking to pan asian.
Pan asian 28 with you at
I'm talking to pan asian.
Pan asian 28 with you at
2,000.
Pan asian 28 with you at
2,000.
We're looking for that
2,000.
We're looking for that
transeastern 601.
We're looking for that
transeastern 601.
Estimate close proximity.
Transeastern 601.
Estimate close proximity.
Still no contact.
Estimate close proximity.
Still no contact.
Request permission to land,
Still no contact.
Request permission to land,
runway 22 left.
Request permission to land,
runway 22 left.
Stop hollering.
Runway 22 left.
Stop hollering.
Transamerican... Mr. Flamen.
Stop hollering.
Transamerican... Mr. Flamen.
Transeastern 601 heading 260
Transamerican... Mr. Flamen.
Transeastern 601 heading 260
at 2,000 to runway 22 left.
Transeastern 601 heading 260
at 2,000 to runway 22 left.
Please advise.
At 2,000 to runway 22 left.
Please advise.
Where are you, butterworth?
Please advise.
Where are you, butterworth?
Mr. Clavin...
Where are you, butterworth?
Mr. Clavin...
I'm at butterworth.
Mr. Clavin...
I'm at butterworth.
Just spotted transeastern 601!
I'm at butterworth.
Just spotted transeastern 601!
Oh, don't go that way!
Just spotted transeastern 601!
Oh, don't go that way!
Oh, they went.
Oh, don't go that way!
Oh, they went.
Mr. Flamen, the two... They went
Oh, they went.
Mr. Flamen, the two... They went
together.
Mr. Flamen, the two... They went
together.
It's not good.
Together.
It's not good.
They went in the same... There
It's not good.
They went in the same... There
was yelling.
They went in the same... There
was yelling.
They were there.
Was yelling.
They were there.
When am I gonna get yelled at?
They were there.
When am I gonna get yelled at?
Yeah.
When am I gonna get yelled at?
Yeah.
The two planes...
Yeah.
The two planes...
All right, who was
The two planes...
All right, who was
responsible for those two 747s
All right, who was
responsible for those two 747s
crashing into each other?
Responsible for those two 747s
crashing into each other?
It was melvin, sir.
Crashing into each other?
It was melvin, sir.
You could look at me.
It was melvin, sir.
You could look at me.
You could touch me.
You could look at me.
You could touch me.
But don't hit me.
You could touch me.
But don't hit me.
I'm sorry.
But don't hit me.
I'm sorry.
I did bad.
I'm sorry.
I did bad.
I'll leave.
I did bad.
I'll leave.
I guess I'm... I'm just not such
I'll leave.
I guess I'm... I'm just not such
a smart person.
I guess I'm... I'm just not such
a smart person.
I didn't mean to.
A smart person.
I didn't mean to.
I'll go now.
I didn't mean to.
I'll go now.
Tell veronica I love her.
I'll go now.
Tell veronica I love her.
Not so fast, young man!
Tell veronica I love her.
Not so fast, young man!
Come back here!
Not so fast, young man!
Come back here!
Mr. Butterblimp.
Come back here!
Mr. Butterblimp.
Melvin, I would like to shake
Mr. Butterblimp.
Melvin, I would like to shake
your hand.
Melvin, I would like to shake
your hand.
I'm proud of you, son.
Your hand.
I'm proud of you, son.
What?
I'm proud of you, son.
What?
You mean you're not mad?
What?
You mean you're not mad?
The two planes went boom
You mean you're not mad?
The two planes went boom
together in the same...
The two planes went boom
together in the same...
It was a good thing, melvin!
Together in the same...
It was a good thing, melvin!
Those jumbo jets were full of
It was a good thing, melvin!
Those jumbo jets were full of
bad russian, chinese, and
Those jumbo jets were full of
bad russian, chinese, and
japanese spies.
Bad russian, chinese, and
japanese spies.
You mean there were bad
Japanese spies.
You mean there were bad
persons on them?
You mean there were bad
persons on them?
Yes, melvin!
Persons on them?
Yes, melvin!
Oh, melvin, I just heard what
Yes, melvin!
Oh, melvin, I just heard what
you did, and I'm so proud of
Oh, melvin, I just heard what
you did, and I'm so proud of
you, darling!
You did, and I'm so proud of
you, darling!
You know, melvin, I'll admit
You, darling!
You know, melvin, I'll admit
that I didn't like you at first.
You know, melvin, I'll admit
that I didn't like you at first.
I don't know.
That I didn't like you at first.
I don't know.
Maybe it was your pants.
I don't know.
Maybe it was your pants.
But I've been thinking of
Maybe it was your pants.
But I've been thinking of
retiring, and, well, melvin, I'd
But I've been thinking of
retiring, and, well, melvin, I'd
like you to take over
Retiring, and, well, melvin, I'd
like you to take over
butterworth international
Like you to take over
butterworth international
airport for me.
Butterworth international
airport for me.
Oh, thank you,
Airport for me.
Oh, thank you,
mr. Bubblewart.
Oh, thank you,
mr. Bubblewart.
You're a real nice person.
Mr. Bubblewart.
You're a real nice person.
Now, melvin, the airport is
You're a real nice person.
Now, melvin, the airport is
in your hands.
Now, melvin, the airport is
in your hands.
And your first job is to get out
In your hands.
And your first job is to get out
there and clean up that runway!
And your first job is to get out
there and clean up that runway!
Okay!
[Rock 'n' roll plays]
yeah, that was "give me back
my algebra homework, baby" by
Yeah, that was "give me back
my algebra homework, baby" by
the nerds.
My algebra homework, baby" by
the nerds.
Acid rock, punk rock, what next?
The nerds.
Acid rock, punk rock, what next?
I'm larry duggan, and sitting
Acid rock, punk rock, what next?
I'm larry duggan, and sitting
here with me this afternoon at
I'm larry duggan, and sitting
here with me this afternoon at
klog-fm is the group who
Here with me this afternoon at
klog-fm is the group who
recorded that last song, the
Klog-fm is the group who
recorded that last song, the
nerds, and they feel that they
Recorded that last song, the
nerds, and they feel that they
have the answer... What they
Nerds, and they feel that they
have the answer... What they
call "nerd rock."
Have the answer... What they
call "nerd rock."
So let's just start by getting
Call "nerd rock."
So let's just start by getting
everybody's name.
So let's just start by getting
everybody's name.
I'm spaz.
Everybody's name.
I'm spaz.
Salutations from the united
I'm spaz.
Salutations from the united
nations.
Salutations from the united
nations.
I'm "four eyes."
Nations.
I'm "four eyes."
Um... I'm "pizza face."
I'm "four eyes."
Um... I'm "pizza face."
Pizza face?
Um... I'm "pizza face."
Pizza face?
Why do they call you... Never
Pizza face?
Why do they call you... Never
mind.
Why do they call you... Never
mind.
Three guesses, and the first
Mind.
Three guesses, and the first
two don't count.
Three guesses, and the first
two don't count.
You know, I'm gonna do this
Two don't count.
You know, I'm gonna do this
interview in phones.
You know, I'm gonna do this
interview in phones.
Maybe it'll help.
Interview in phones.
Maybe it'll help.
Tell me.
Maybe it'll help.
Tell me.
Why did you call yourselves the
Tell me.
Why did you call yourselves the
nerds?
Why did you call yourselves the
nerds?
We didn't.
Nerds?
We didn't.
Other people did.
We didn't.
Other people did.
Yeah, we had originally
Other people did.
Yeah, we had originally
wanted to call ourselves the
Yeah, we had originally
wanted to call ourselves the
bell tones.
Wanted to call ourselves the
bell tones.
Well, we'll be giving away
Bell tones.
Well, we'll be giving away
copies of the nerds' new album,
Well, we'll be giving away
copies of the nerds' new album,
"trying desperately to be
Copies of the nerds' new album,
"trying desperately to be
liked," to the first 10 lucky
"Trying desperately to be
liked," to the first 10 lucky
klog-fm listeners who call in.
Liked," to the first 10 lucky
klog-fm listeners who call in.
You get songs like "I'll give
Klog-fm listeners who call in.
You get songs like "I'll give
you my lunch money," "I can't
You get songs like "I'll give
you my lunch money," "I can't
help it if I have egg salad on
You my lunch money," "I can't
help it if I have egg salad on
my retainer," and "let my head
Help it if I have egg salad on
my retainer, " and " let my head
up out of the john, and I'll
My retainer, " and " let my head
up out of the john, and I'll
give you tomorrow's lunch
Up out of the john, and I'll
give you tomorrow's lunch
money."
Give you tomorrow's lunch
money."
Sounds like a dynamite album.
Money."
Sounds like a dynamite album.
Tell me.
Sounds like a dynamite album.
Tell me.
How did the group get together?
Tell me.
How did the group get together?
Oh, well, my aunt fixed us
How did the group get together?
Oh, well, my aunt fixed us
up.
Oh, well, my aunt fixed us
up.
Do you remember in the maltese
Up.
Do you remember in the maltese
bippy where this guy...
Do you remember in the maltese
bippy where this guy...
Headlock! Headlock!
Bippy where this guy...
Headlock! Headlock!
Well, here's those noogies that
Headlock! Headlock!
Well, here's those noogies that
you wanted.
Well, here's those noogies that
you wanted.
How many did you say?
You wanted.
How many did you say?
Was it six or seven?
How many did you say?
Was it six or seven?
Was that part of your act?
Was it six or seven?
Was that part of your act?
No, but this is... Indian
Was that part of your act?
No, but this is... Indian
burn!
No, but this is... Indian
burn!
Indian burn!
Burn!
Indian burn!
That's real funny.
Indian burn!
That's real funny.
So funny I forgot to laugh.
That's real funny.
So funny I forgot to laugh.
[Laughs]
So funny I forgot to laugh.
[Laughs]
I wish you klog-fm listeners
[Laughs]
I wish you klog-fm listeners
could see these nerds.
I wish you klog-fm listeners
could see these nerds.
Pizza face, you've got dozens of
Could see these nerds.
Pizza face, you've got dozens of
pens and pencils in some kind of
Pizza face, you've got dozens of
pens and pencils in some kind of
plastic thing in your pocket.
Pens and pencils in some kind of
plastic thing in your pocket.
And, four eyes, you've got a lot
Plastic thing in your pocket.
And, four eyes, you've got a lot
of yellow plaque on your teeth.
And, four eyes, you've got a lot
of yellow plaque on your teeth.
And, spaz, you're wearing a
Of yellow plaque on your teeth.
And, spaz, you're wearing a
"thimk" button.
And, spaz, you're wearing a
"thimk" button.
You know, I'm curious.
"Thimk" button.
You know, I'm curious.
The music business is tough.
You know, I'm curious.
The music business is tough.
What exactly gives you nerds the
The music business is tough.
What exactly gives you nerds the
impression that you're gonna
What exactly gives you nerds the
impression that you're gonna
catch on?
Impression that you're gonna
catch on?
Well, we're just an idea
Catch on?
Well, we're just an idea
whose time has come.
Well, we're just an idea
whose time has come.
We're young, we're gifted, and
Whose time has come.
We're young, we're gifted, and
we're nerds.
We're young, we're gifted, and
we're nerds.
And it's our turn to be popular!
We're nerds.
And it's our turn to be popular!
And if the punks don't like
And it's our turn to be popular!
And if the punks don't like
it, they can go to h-e-double
And if the punks don't like
it, they can go to h-e-double
hockey sticks.
It, they can go to h-e-double
hockey sticks.
Come on, listeners.
Hockey sticks.
Come on, listeners.
We're trying to give away those
Come on, listeners.
We're trying to give away those
free nerd albums.
We're trying to give away those
free nerd albums.
So give us a call.
Free nerd albums.
So give us a call.
Sometimes I just start
So give us a call.
Sometimes I just start
talking in a mexican accent for
Sometimes I just start
talking in a mexican accent for
no reason at all.
Talking in a mexican accent for
no reason at all.
And I'll just talk like that for
No reason at all.
And I'll just talk like that for
days at a time.
And I'll just talk like that for
days at a time.
No matter what you would say, I
Days at a time.
No matter what you would say, I
would always answer you like a
No matter what you would say, I
would always answer you like a
mexican.
Would always answer you like a
mexican.
Well, now, that's pretty
Mexican.
Well, now, that's pretty
funny!
Well, now, that's pretty
funny!
Was that from your act?
Funny!
Was that from your act?
No.
Was that from your act?
No.
Hey, your hobby shop's open.
No.
Hey, your hobby shop's open.
Oh, is that your hobby?
Hey, your hobby shop's open.
Oh, is that your hobby?
Well, there you have it...
Oh, is that your hobby?
Well, there you have it...
The nerd wit.
Well, there you have it...
The nerd wit.
You heard it first on klog-fm.
The nerd wit.
You heard it first on klog-fm.
Well, we still have 10 free nerd
You heard it first on klog-fm.
Well, we still have 10 free nerd
albums to unload on you
Well, we still have 10 free nerd
albums to unload on you
listeners.
Albums to unload on you
listeners.
So pick up the phone.
Listeners.
So pick up the phone.
Call me at klog-fm, please.
So pick up the phone.
Call me at klog-fm, please.
Somebody's just come into the
Call me at klog-fm, please.
Somebody's just come into the
studio.
Somebody's just come into the
studio.
Hi, mom!
Studio.
Hi, mom!
Both: mrs. Loopner!
Hi, mom!
Both: mrs. Loopner!
Hi, kids.
Both: mrs. Loopner!
Hi, kids.
I hate to intrude, but I just
Hi, kids.
I hate to intrude, but I just
want to let you know that
I hate to intrude, but I just
want to let you know that
mr. Loopner and I are waiting in
Want to let you know that
mr. Loopner and I are waiting in
the car.
Mr. Loopner and I are waiting in
the car.
You must be spaz's mother.
The car.
You must be spaz's mother.
Well, I'm sure the folks out
You must be spaz's mother.
Well, I'm sure the folks out
there wouldn't want to keep
Well, I'm sure the folks out
there wouldn't want to keep
mr. Loopner waiting.
There wouldn't want to keep
mr. Loopner waiting.
So why don't you just take your
Mr. Loopner waiting.
So why don't you just take your
nerds home?
So why don't you just take your
nerds home?
Okay, kids, what do you say?
Nerds home?
Okay, kids, what do you say?
All: thank you for a lovely
Okay, kids, what do you say?
All: thank you for a lovely
time, mr. Duggan!
All: thank you for a lovely
time, mr. Duggan!
Okay, nerds.
Time, mr. Duggan!
Okay, nerds.
Good luck with your album,
Okay, nerds.
Good luck with your album,
"trying desperately to be
Good luck with your album,
"trying desperately to be
liked."
"Trying desperately to be
liked."
Nobody seems to have called us
Liked."
Nobody seems to have called us
here at klog-fm for those free
Nobody seems to have called us
here at klog-fm for those free
copies.
Here at klog-fm for those free
copies.
You can't give it away.
Copies.
You can't give it away.
I sure hope it sells.
You can't give it away.
I sure hope it sells.
Will nerd rock make it?
I sure hope it sells.
Will nerd rock make it?
It's up to you.
Will nerd rock make it?
It's up to you.
I think you know how I feel.
It's up to you.
I think you know how I feel.
And now, how about some good,
I think you know how I feel.
And now, how about some good,
old-fashioned punk sound, with
And now, how about some good,
old-fashioned punk sound, with
"infect my wound," by the
Old-fashioned punk sound, with
"infect my wound," by the
pus-tones?
You know, one of the joys of
hosting this show is the
opportunity to work with a
Hosting this show is the
opportunity to work with a
wonderful performer like
Opportunity to work with a
wonderful performer like
bonnie raitt.
Wonderful performer like
bonnie raitt.
Bonnie and I first...
Bonnie raitt.
Bonnie and I first...
Robert, I'm sorry to
Bonnie and I first...
Robert, I'm sorry to
interrupt you.
Robert, I'm sorry to
interrupt you.
Please excuse me, but I've just
Interrupt you.
Please excuse me, but I've just
been handed a "weekend update"
Please excuse me, but I've just
been handed a "weekend update"
bulletin.
Been handed a "weekend update"
bulletin.
It seems those giant lobsters as
Bulletin.
It seems those giant lobsters as
large as helicopters that were
It seems those giant lobsters as
large as helicopters that were
created by the russian satellite
Large as helicopters that were
created by the russian satellite
are moving down the eastern
Created by the russian satellite
are moving down the eastern
seaboard towards new york city.
Are moving down the eastern
seaboard towards new york city.
"Despite efforts by the national
Seaboard towards new york city.
"Despite efforts by the national
guard, boston and providence
"Despite efforts by the national
guard, boston and providence
have fallen before the huge
Guard, boston and providence
have fallen before the huge
crustaceans.
Have fallen before the huge
crustaceans.
All conventional weapons have
Crustaceans.
All conventional weapons have
proven useless against them.
All conventional weapons have
proven useless against them.
Minutes ago, president carter
Proven useless against them.
Minutes ago, president carter
declared a state of national
Minutes ago, president carter
declared a state of national
emergency and assured the
Declared a state of national
emergency and assured the
american people that there was
Emergency and assured the
american people that there was
no cause for"...
American people that there was
no cause for"...
Is that all there is?
No cause for"...
Is that all there is?
Teletype machine went dead
Is that all there is?
Teletype machine went dead
after that.
Teletype machine went dead
after that.
Well, if you're an orthodox
After that.
Well, if you're an orthodox
jew and live here in new york, I
Well, if you're an orthodox
jew and live here in new york, I
wouldn't worry, because lobsters
Jew and live here in new york, I
wouldn't worry, because lobsters
don't eat orthodox jews, either.
Wouldn't worry, because lobsters
don't eat orthodox jews, either.
Ladies and gentlemen, once
Don't eat orthodox jews, either.
Ladies and gentlemen, once
again, bonnie raitt!
Ladies and gentlemen, once
again, bonnie raitt!
[Cheers and applause]
Again, bonnie raitt!
[Cheers and applause]
[up-tempo introduction plays]
♪ Well, I told you,
pretty baby,
such a long time ago,
Pretty baby,
such a long time ago,
if I find you with another
Such a long time ago,
if I find you with another
gonna walk right out the door ♪
If I find you with another
gonna walk right out the door ♪
♪ you might think I'm crazy ♪
Gonna walk right out the door ♪
♪ you might think I'm crazy ♪
♪ one thing you got to know ♪
♪ You might think I'm crazy ♪
♪ one thing you got to know ♪
♪ well, if you want me
♪ One thing you got to know ♪
♪ well, if you want me
to love you,
♪ Well, if you want me
to love you,
you got to give it up
To love you,
you got to give it up
or let me go ♪
You got to give it up
or let me go ♪
♪ I know it's useless
Or let me go ♪
♪ I know it's useless
to be jealous ♪
♪ I know it's useless
to be jealous ♪
♪ I couldn't tie you
To be jealous ♪
♪ I couldn't tie you
if I tried ♪
♪ I couldn't tie you
if I tried ♪
♪ thinkin' you're messin'
If I tried ♪
♪ thinkin' you're messin'
behind my back ♪
♪ Thinkin' you're messin'
behind my back ♪
♪ it's a pain I can't hide ♪
♪ And if can make a sacrifice,
you can damn well make it, too ♪
♪ Well, you come home
drunk and nasty ♪
♪ you don't tell me
Drunk and nasty ♪
♪ you don't tell me
where you been ♪
♪ You don't tell me
where you been ♪
♪ just when things are goin'
Where you been ♪
♪ just when things are goin'
nice and sweet,
♪ Just when things are goin'
nice and sweet,
you slip right out again ♪
Nice and sweet,
you slip right out again ♪
♪ well, baby, why you have to
You slip right out again ♪
♪ well, baby, why you have to
mess up a good thing? ♪
♪ Well, baby, why you have to
mess up a good thing? ♪
♪ I'll have to find myself
Mess up a good thing? ♪
♪ I'll have to find myself
another man ♪
♪ I'll have to find myself
another man ♪
♪ one who can blow anything ♪
♪ Well, I told you, baby,
long time ago
if I caught you with another,
Long time ago
if I caught you with another,
I'd walk out your door ♪
If I caught you with another,
I'd walk out your door ♪
♪ one thing you've got to know ♪
I'd walk out your door ♪
♪ one thing you've got to know ♪
♪ honey, if you want me
♪ One thing you've got to know ♪
♪ honey, if you want me
to love you,
♪ Honey, if you want me
to love you,
give it up or let it go ♪
To love you,
give it up or let it go ♪
♪ give it up ♪
Happy birthday, dad!
[Cheers and applause]
[Coughs]
no kidding, barbara.
I am so out of it.
No kidding, barbara.
I am so out of it.
This is really great stuff.
I am so out of it.
This is really great stuff.
I know.
This is really great stuff.
I know.
I am completely wrecked.
I know.
I am completely wrecked.
Of course, when I get like
I am completely wrecked.
Of course, when I get like
this, we are talking paranoid
Of course, when I get like
this, we are talking paranoid
city.
This, we are talking paranoid
city.
I am the original space cadet.
City.
I am the original space cadet.
Beam me down, captain kirk.
I am the original space cadet.
Beam me down, captain kirk.
You seem fine now.
Beam me down, captain kirk.
You seem fine now.
Wait.
You seem fine now.
Wait.
Rhonda, you know what I just
Wait.
Rhonda, you know what I just
realized?
Rhonda, you know what I just
realized?
That stain on my rug looks just
Realized?
That stain on my rug looks just
like a horse laughing.
That stain on my rug looks just
like a horse laughing.
You know, I can see myself in
Like a horse laughing.
You know, I can see myself in
your glasses, and I can see
You know, I can see myself in
your glasses, and I can see
myself seeing myself in your
Your glasses, and I can see
myself seeing myself in your
glasses.
Myself seeing myself in your
glasses.
Try not to look.
Glasses.
Try not to look.
The harder I try, the more I
Try not to look.
The harder I try, the more I
keep doing it to t*rture myself.
The harder I try, the more I
keep doing it to t*rture myself.
You want I should put on my
Keep doing it to t*rture myself.
You want I should put on my
contacts?
You want I should put on my
contacts?
No.
Contacts?
No.
Then I'll start seeing myself in
No.
Then I'll start seeing myself in
your contacts, and I'll start
Then I'll start seeing myself in
your contacts, and I'll start
seeing myself seeing myself in
Your contacts, and I'll start
seeing myself seeing myself in
your contacts.
Seeing myself seeing myself in
your contacts.
And then I'll start seeing your
Your contacts.
And then I'll start seeing your
contacts moving around in your
And then I'll start seeing your
contacts moving around in your
eyes.
Contacts moving around in your
eyes.
And then I'll start seeing
Eyes.
And then I'll start seeing
myself moving around in your
And then I'll start seeing
myself moving around in your
eyes.
Myself moving around in your
eyes.
And then I'll start blinking.
Eyes.
And then I'll start blinking.
Only then I'll be thinking about
And then I'll start blinking.
Only then I'll be thinking about
it.
Only then I'll be thinking about
it.
So I'll start blinking a whole
It.
So I'll start blinking a whole
lot of extra times and worrying.
So I'll start blinking a whole
lot of extra times and worrying.
You can break out just by
Lot of extra times and worrying.
You can break out just by
worrying and thinking...
You can break out just by
worrying and thinking...
I'm sorry I mentioned it,
Worrying and thinking...
I'm sorry I mentioned it,
okay?
I'm sorry I mentioned it,
okay?
Now all I can think about is
Okay?
Now all I can think about is
that you said I'm sorry I
Now all I can think about is
that you said I'm sorry I
mentioned it.
That you said I'm sorry I
mentioned it.
I can't get it out of my mind.
Mentioned it.
I can't get it out of my mind.
Once something like this
I can't get it out of my mind.
Once something like this
happened to me, and the way I
Once something like this
happened to me, and the way I
got out of it was by trying to
Happened to me, and the way I
got out of it was by trying to
imagine the ideal wallet, key
Got out of it was by trying to
imagine the ideal wallet, key
case, and cigarette-holder set.
Imagine the ideal wallet, key
case, and cigarette-holder set.
That's a great idea... The
Case, and cigarette-holder set.
That's a great idea... The
ideal wallet, key case, and
That's a great idea... The
ideal wallet, key case, and
cigarette-holder set.
Ideal wallet, key case, and
cigarette-holder set.
It keeps coming out in vinyl!
Cigarette-holder set.
It keeps coming out in vinyl!
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
It keeps coming out in vinyl!
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay.
Rhonda, let's go through your
Okay.
Rhonda, let's go through your
wedding album, okay?
Rhonda, let's go through your
wedding album, okay?
First, there's the picture of
Wedding album, okay?
First, there's the picture of
you.
First, there's the picture of
you.
Then, there's the picture of you
You.
Then, there's the picture of you
and your mother and your father.
Then, there's the picture of you
and your mother and your father.
Then, the picture of you and
And your mother and your father.
Then, the picture of you and
barry...
Then, the picture of you and
barry...
You skipped a page!
Barry...
You skipped a page!
Rhonda, let's change the
You skipped a page!
Rhonda, let's change the
subject.
Rhonda, let's change the
subject.
All right.
Subject.
All right.
You know, the last time that
All right.
You know, the last time that
this kind of thing happened to
You know, the last time that
this kind of thing happened to
me, it was right before I went
This kind of thing happened to
me, it was right before I went
to bed.
Me, it was right before I went
to bed.
And all I could think was,
To bed.
And all I could think was,
"who's gonna know if I'm
And all I could think was,
"who's gonna know if I'm
breathing after I fall asleep?"
"Who's gonna know if I'm
breathing after I fall asleep?"
Barry's asleep.
Breathing after I fall asleep?"
Barry's asleep.
He's not gonna know if I'm
Barry's asleep.
He's not gonna know if I'm
breathing or not.
He's not gonna know if I'm
breathing or not.
So I stayed up the entire night
Breathing or not.
So I stayed up the entire night
to be sure that I was still
So I stayed up the entire night
to be sure that I was still
breathing.
To be sure that I was still
breathing.
I didn't fall asleep till
Breathing.
I didn't fall asleep till
6:00 a.m. And only by giving all
I didn't fall asleep till
6:00 a.m. And only by giving all
the chenille balls on my
6:00 A.m. And only by giving all
the chenille balls on my
bedspread names.
The chenille balls on my
bedspread names.
I know exactly what you mean.
Bedspread names.
I know exactly what you mean.
You know what happened to me
I know exactly what you mean.
You know what happened to me
once?
You know what happened to me
once?
What?
Once?
What?
Well, did you ever get afraid
What?
Well, did you ever get afraid
that you couldn't swallow, so
Well, did you ever get afraid
that you couldn't swallow, so
you keep swallowing to make sure
That you couldn't swallow, so
you keep swallowing to make sure
you still can?
You keep swallowing to make sure
you still can?
And then your mouth gets so dry,
You still can?
And then your mouth gets so dry,
and then you actually can't
And then your mouth gets so dry,
and then you actually can't
swallow?
And then you actually can't
swallow?
No.
Swallow?
No.
I never experienced that, but
No.
I never experienced that, but
I'm going to start now.
Rhonda?
What?
Nothing.
What?
Nothing.
No, really. What?
Nothing.
No, really. What?
I told you, nothing!
No, really. What?
I told you, nothing!
What?!
I told you, nothing!
What?!
Listen!
What?!
Listen!
Did you just hear a black man
Listen!
Did you just hear a black man
come in here and steal all your
Did you just hear a black man
come in here and steal all your
jewelry?!
Come in here and steal all your
jewelry?!
Yes, I did!
Jewelry?!
Yes, I did!
Look!
Yes, I did!
Look!
[Screeching, honking in
Look!
[Screeching, honking in
distance]
[Screeching, honking in
distance]
look.
[Distance]
look.
Why don't we get a bag of milano
Look.
Why don't we get a bag of milano
cookies, and that way, when
Why don't we get a bag of milano
cookies, and that way, when
barry comes home, we'll be able
Cookies, and that way, when
barry comes home, we'll be able
to not look...
Barry comes home, we'll be able
to not look...
[Screeching, honking continue]
To not look...
[Screeching, honking continue]
jane, what's that noise?
[Screeching, honking continue]
jane, what's that noise?
I don't know.
Jane, what's that noise?
I don't know.
Van ry, what is that noise?
I don't know.
Van ry, what is that noise?
Hey, we're running late.
Van ry, what is that noise?
Hey, we're running late.
Just try to finish the scene.
Hey, we're running late.
Just try to finish the scene.
I don't know what it is.
Just try to finish the scene.
I don't know what it is.
How do you expect us to be
I don't know what it is.
How do you expect us to be
heard over that?
How do you expect us to be
heard over that?
Belushi, do you know what that
Heard over that?
Belushi, do you know what that
is?
Belushi, do you know what that
is?
I don't know.
Is?
I don't know.
The noise, huh?
I don't know.
The noise, huh?
Well, I can tell you one thing.
The noise, huh?
Well, I can tell you one thing.
It's not the concorde.
Well, I can tell you one thing.
It's not the concorde.
Lorne? Lorne?
It's not the concorde.
Lorne? Lorne?
Will somebody out there find
Lorne? Lorne?
Will somebody out there find
lorne quickly?
Will somebody out there find
lorne quickly?
What is that noise?!
Lorne quickly?
What is that noise?!
[Screeching]
What is that noise?!
[Screeching]
strange.
[Screeching]
strange.
Could have sworn it sounded like
Strange.
Could have sworn it sounded like
the roar of a giant lobster.
Could have sworn it sounded like
the roar of a giant lobster.
A giant lobster?!
The roar of a giant lobster.
A giant lobster?!
Yeah, they're like giant
A giant lobster?!
Yeah, they're like giant
spiders, only more intelligent.
Yeah, they're like giant
spiders, only more intelligent.
Sounds like they're outside the
Spiders, only more intelligent.
Sounds like they're outside the
building somewhere... Right
Sounds like they're outside the
building somewhere... Right
here, outside the...
Building somewhere... Right
here, outside the...
What are you talking...?
Here, outside the...
What are you talking...?
[Screeching]
What are you talking...?
[Screeching]
[people screaming]
[Man whistles]
Aah! Aah!
Let me go! Let me go!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
[Sirens wailing]
[Glass shatters]
Are we on?
Are we on?
I can't hear.
Are we on?
I can't hear.
Are we on?
I can't hear.
Are we on?
Ladies and gentlemen, i-i just
Are we on?
Ladies and gentlemen, i-i just
wish you could see...
Ladies and gentlemen, i-i just
wish you could see...
[g*n fires]
Wish you could see...
[g*n fires]
mutilation spread out before me.
[g*n fires]
mutilation spread out before me.
Enormous lobsters have broken
Mutilation spread out before me.
Enormous lobsters have broken
through.
Enormous lobsters have broken
through.
They're now crushing and
Through.
They're now crushing and
mangling members of the studio
They're now crushing and
mangling members of the studio
audience.
Mangling members of the studio
audience.
John belushi has been seized by
Audience.
John belushi has been seized by
an immense claw!
John belushi has been seized by
an immense claw!
It's waving about.
An immense claw!
It's waving about.
Oh, it's horrible!
It's waving about.
Oh, it's horrible!
It's horrible.
Oh, it's horrible!
It's horrible.
He had his whole life ahead of
It's horrible.
He had his whole life ahead of
him!
He had his whole life ahead of
him!
Or at least two or three more
Him!
Or at least two or three more
years, anyway.
Or at least two or three more
years, anyway.
Bob! Bob!
Years, anyway.
Bob! Bob!
Oh, save yourself!
Bob! Bob!
Oh, save yourself!
No, I've got to stay here.
Oh, save yourself!
No, I've got to stay here.
I'm staying until the end.
No, I've got to stay here.
I'm staying until the end.
This appears to be the
I'm staying until the end.
This appears to be the
destruction of civilization as
This appears to be the
destruction of civilization as
we know it, and I want to leave
Destruction of civilization as
we know it, and I want to leave
some record for the survivors
We know it, and I want to leave
some record for the survivors
if, indeed, there are any
Some record for the survivors
if, indeed, there are any
survivors.
If, indeed, there are any
survivors.
I want to leave a warning to
Survivors.
I want to leave a warning to
those yet unborn not to make the
I want to leave a warning to
those yet unborn not to make the
same mistakes we did.
Those yet unborn not to make the
same mistakes we did.
In the background, you can hear
Same mistakes we did.
In the background, you can hear
howard shore and the band
In the background, you can hear
howard shore and the band
playing "nearer, my god, to
Howard shore and the band
playing "nearer, my god, to
thee."
Playing "nearer, my god, to
thee."
Davey, are there any cameras
Thee."
Davey, are there any cameras
left to get this poignant and
Davey, are there any cameras
left to get this poignant and
beautiful scene?
Left to get this poignant and
beautiful scene?
Yes, you are witnessing a rare
Beautiful scene?
Yes, you are witnessing a rare
kind of courage, as these plucky
Yes, you are witnessing a rare
kind of courage, as these plucky
musicians defiantly refuse to
Kind of courage, as these plucky
musicians defiantly refuse to
flee before the mutant lobsters,
Musicians defiantly refuse to
flee before the mutant lobsters,
choosing to die as they lived,
Flee before the mutant lobsters,
choosing to die as they lived,
with their instruments in their
Choosing to die as they lived,
with their instruments in their
hands... What a grand gesture.
With their instruments in their
hands... What a grand gesture.
Robert!
Hands... What a grand gesture.
Robert!
Save yourselves!
Robert!
Save yourselves!
I've just received word that
Save yourselves!
I've just received word that
los angeles has been leveled.
I've just received word that
los angeles has been leveled.
Chicago, dallas... Nothing seems
Los angeles has been leveled.
Chicago, dallas... Nothing seems
to stop them!
Chicago, dallas... Nothing seems
to stop them!
Aah!
To stop them!
Aah!
[g*n fires]
Aah!
[g*n fires]
help!
[g*n fires]
help!
I twisted my ankle!
Help!
I twisted my ankle!
Hold tight, baby!
I twisted my ankle!
Hold tight, baby!
I'll get you out of here!
Hold tight, baby!
I'll get you out of here!
Look at the size of them!
I'll get you out of here!
Look at the size of them!
Oh, my god! My god!
Look at the size of them!
Oh, my god! My god!
Have you tried sh**ting at
Oh, my god! My god!
Have you tried sh**ting at
the antenna?!
Have you tried sh**ting at
the antenna?!
Good heavens!
The antenna?!
Good heavens!
One of the creatures is
Good heavens!
One of the creatures is
attacking the band!
One of the creatures is
attacking the band!
It's too hideous to describe.
Attacking the band!
It's too hideous to describe.
Words fail me!
It's too hideous to describe.
Words fail me!
Lordy, lordy!
Words fail me!
Lordy, lordy!
Lordy, lordy, there's a lobster
Lordy, lordy!
Lordy, lordy, there's a lobster
coming!
Lordy, lordy, there's a lobster
coming!
There's a lobster coming!
Coming!
There's a lobster coming!
Sir!
There's a lobster coming!
Sir!
I don't want nothing to do
Sir!
I don't want nothing to do
with them lobsters!
I don't want nothing to do
with them lobsters!
You're going the wrong way!
With them lobsters!
You're going the wrong way!
Aah!
You're going the wrong way!
Aah!
I'm going to stay on the air
Aah!
I'm going to stay on the air
as long as possible, but I'm
I'm going to stay on the air
as long as possible, but I'm
getting a signal that we do have
As long as possible, but I'm
getting a signal that we do have
to pause here for a commercial
Getting a signal that we do have
to pause here for a commercial
message.
To pause here for a commercial
message.
I don't know if we'll be back.
Message.
I don't know if we'll be back.
[g*nf*re, people screaming]
I don't know if we'll be back.
[g*nf*re, people screaming]
[lobsters screeching, honking]
Well, it's still going on, even
worse than before.
All around me, the dead, the
Worse than before.
All around me, the dead, the
dying... Oh, the humanity!
All around me, the dead, the
dying... Oh, the humanity!
Our army wiped out!
Dying... Oh, the humanity!
Our army wiped out!
[Lobsters screeching, honking]
This may well be mankind's final
broadcast.
As I speak, good lord!
Broadcast.
As I speak, good lord!
One of the gigantic lobsters has
As I speak, good lord!
One of the gigantic lobsters has
demolished our last camera with
One of the gigantic lobsters has
demolished our last camera with
a single swipe of its horrible
Demolished our last camera with
a single swipe of its horrible
claw!
A single swipe of its horrible
claw!
Now it's moving toward me!
Claw!
Now it's moving toward me!
It's 15 feet away.
Now it's moving toward me!
It's 15 feet away.
Ten!
It's 15 feet away.
Ten!
I can see the long, quivering
Ten!
I can see the long, quivering
antennae, the slimy legs, its
I can see the long, quivering
antennae, the slimy legs, its
snout and claws, glistening with
Antennae, the slimy legs, its
snout and claws, glistening with
human bloo...
Snout and claws, glistening with
human bloo...
[Lobsters screeching, honking]
Announcer: robert klein!
Robert klein, do you read me?
Well, goodbye, america.
Until we meet again, this is
Don pardo saying aaahhhh!
My god!
Pardo's been eaten by the beast.
Is there no stopping these
Atomic lobsters?
Listen. I have a plan.
It sounds crazy, but it just
Might work.
I'll need boiling water.
Boiling water?
How much... A couple gallons?
No! Millions of gallons!
Enough to fill central park
Pond.
And I'll need a truckload of
Butter.
Make that drawn butter.
One truckload, drawn butter.
Check.
And baked potatoes the size
Of boxcars and lobster bibs.
Lobster bibs?
You mean ordinary lobster bibs?
No! Huge lobster bibs...
15 By 20 feet at least.
And nutcrackers!
Nut...?
You mean regular nutcrackers?
No! Not at all.
Enormous nutcrackers, at least
10 Feet long.
And lemons the size of golf
Carts!
Check, check.
How about some sour cream for
Those potatoes?
Good point.
I'll need, say, about a moving
Van of sour cream.
For dessert, a chocolate mousse
As big as a house.
Chocolate mousse?
No, it's too rich... Much too
Rich.
Well, how about a swimming
Pool full of jell-o?
Uh, what flavor?
Any flavor you want.
How about, uh, lime with carrot
Scrapings?
Well, I just had lime with
Carrot scrapings for lunch.
I suppose I could have something
Else.
It's an emergency, but, uh...
Well, what about raspberry?
Well, I'm... I'm allergic to
Raspberry.
How about a... How about a pool
Full of fruit cup?
Instead of jell-o?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, isn't fruit cup more an
Appetizer, like tomato juice?
No, not necessarily.
You can have fruit cup for
Dessert.
Well, I don't know.
Listen.
How would you feel about a
Rum-raisin cake the size of a
Tennis court?
Well, what kind of icing?
Any kind, I suppose.
Orange marmalade would be nice.
Well, how about coconut
Icing?
Wait.
You know, coconut really doesn't
Go with rum raisin.
If you wanted coconut icing, I
Could have a sponge cake the
Size of a roller rink.
Okay, gotcha.
Sounds good.
Who we gonna invite to this
Thing, actually?
Gonna bring emily?
03x10 - Robert Klein/Bonnie Raitt
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The show's comedy sketches, which often parody contemporary American culture and politics, are performed by a large and varying cast of repertory and newer cast members.
The show's comedy sketches, which often parody contemporary American culture and politics, are performed by a large and varying cast of repertory and newer cast members.