252 - June 13, 1967

[bunniefuu]

(announcer) - My name is Victoria Winters.

There has been an announcement at Collinwood,

an announcement that has shocked all those who live here

and filled them with disbelief.

But there is one who will not accept this news

and is determined to do something about it.

- I see, Frank.

Well...

Well, when will you be able to see the judge?

There won't be any...

No. No, no, no, no, there won't be any, uh, contest.

Well, I know there won't

because no one has seen Paul Stoddard

in all the years he's been away from here.

I see.

Well, when you do speak to the judge,

will you ask him how soon he can push the final decree through?

I know I've waited years, but I want it done immediately.

Thank you, Frank.

- You are in a rush.

- Oh, Carolyn, I-- I didn't know you were there.

- You're the picture of the impatient bride.

- Don't be facetious.

- What's the big rush, Mother?

Afraid you'll lose the bridegroom?

Somebody might steal him away.

- Carolyn, please don't be rude!

- Jason is the ideal person

for a honeymoon around the world.

He's been everywhere,

times I think he said.

It could be a very educational experience.

- Why are you doing this to me?

- Why are you doing it to yourself?

Mother, I can't get it through my head

that you're actually going to marry this man.

Tell me I'm dreaming.

Tell me it's-- it's a lie or a joke.

But don't tell me it's true.

- I'm going to marry Jason McGuire,

and there is nothing you or anybody else can do about it.

**

**

- I'll do something to stop it.

- What can you do?

- I don't know.

- No one seems to realize that I have the right

to live my life as I see fit.

- Mother, I don't want to interfere with your life.

I only want to help you.

- Carolyn...

I appreciate what you're trying to do,

but I am not a woman given to making foolish decisions.

- Mother, I'd like nothing more

than to see you married, happy,

whatever it is that will give you a full life.

You should have everything you've been deprived of

all these years.

But why him?

- Because he's the man I choose.

- Mother, you didn't choose him.

He chose you. - That's not so.

- He talked and cajoled you into it.

He's forcing you to do something you wouldn't do--

couldn't do under ordinary circumstances.

- I am doing this of my own free will.

- Mother, I know you too well for that.

You're doing this for some other reason,

a reason I intend to find.

- There is no reason!

Yesterday you were positive you'd find the answer

down in the basement.

Well, you didn't.

You just poked around among the dust of years

and found nothing.

- I know.

I can never apologize enough.

- You have apologized enough,

and I don't want to go on with this argument.

- Mother.

I simply can't understand what it is about Jason McGuire

that makes you want to marry him.

I want to know what those endearing qualities are

that make you think he's the ideal husband for you

and the ideal stepfather for me.

- Why do you hate him so?

- Because he's sly and deceitful

and he has that ever-present smile on his face,

that leering, smirking smile.

It's a mask.

But there's something else,

something even more important.

- What is it?

- I've never seen you display even one ounce

of genuine fondness or affection for him.

I don't believe you feel anything for him at all.

- Well, you're wrong.

- Marriage is a special arrangement

for two people who feel very special emotions

about each other.

Is this true of you?

- Oh, I don't want to go on with this conversation.

- Well, I do! It's become my very favorite subject!

There's one answer I'd like to hear from you.

- I think I've answered enough questions.

- Do you love him?

Mother...

if you don't answer me,

I'll take it to mean that you don't

and that he's forcing you.

Do you love him? - Yes, yes, I love him!

- I don't believe you.

- You've got to believe me!

I'm tired of everybody

trying to live my own life for me.

And I don't see you doing much with your life!

- Oh...

I'll do something about my life.

You can bet on that!

- But why should David be doing so poorly in history?

- Oh, I think he's being consistent

with most boys of his age,

but he is very good in English and arithmetic.

- Well...

I wish you would lean on him just a little bit more

in the history department.

- Oh, excuse me.

- Well, that's all right, kitten.

Come in. It's only a meeting of the PTA.

- Carolyn, what's the matter?

- Oh, nothing at all.

I was just having the most wonderful chat

with the bride-to-be.

- Is it safe to assume

that she hasn't come to her senses as yet?

- I didn't know brides were supposed to have any sense.

I'm glad I had that chat with her.

- Why? Was it enlightening?

- No.

It was confusing.

- What do you mean?

- Uncle Roger, she insists that she wants to get married.

Wants to get married.

And to Jason.

- That's too difficult to believe.

In all these years,

she hasn't mentioned other men or marriage.

- A classic picture of a woman

about to make a fool of herself.

Suddenly she can't wait to get married.

- She-- She may have decided

in a moment of desperation, Carolyn.

Don't forget that she made the announcement

after we had been searching through that basement room.

It must have seemed to her

as though we were all against her,

all her enemies.

And the only one who appeared to be on her side was Jason.

- Well, that's possible.

We certainly did stack the deck against her.

- She might change her mind.

- No, she won't.

- How can you be so certain?

- Because she used the magical word.

She loves him.

- Love?

- L-o-v-e.

Recognize the word, anyone?

- She told you that?

- I'm quoting her.

"I love him."

- Carolyn, look,

whatever we may think of Jason,

well, he's not unattractive or without charm.

Your mother could very well be infatuated by him.

- Vicki, I could buy infatuation maybe,

but not marriage!

I say he came here with the express purpose

of marrying her.

It was his plan.

- Kitten, we all feel the same way,

but there's nothing we can really do about it.

Each individual reserves the right

to ruin his or her life

as quietly or as flamboyantly as he chooses.

- I'll remember that.

- I've tried to talk to her,

and she's told me to mind my own business.

- She told me the same thing, only went one step further.

She even made me feel that I'm wasting my life.

- Oh, that's not so.

- Maybe it is.

What have I been doing with my life?

You're right, Uncle Roger.

The individual does reserve certain... privileges.

(dialing)

I'll show her how well I can do something about my life.

- Carolyn, what are you gonna do?

- Mother found love?

Well, I'm going to find it too.

Hello!

Buzz?

This is Carolyn Stoddard.

(chuckling)

Well, I like to surprise people.

I've, um... been thinking about you.

Oh? That doesn't come as a surprise to you?

I saw you the other day go by on your new motorcycle.

Well, it-- it's dazzling.

I was wondering if the gas tank is full.

**

**

- Oh.

Thanks, Bob.

So, I was on the phone,

talking to the captain of the fishing fleet,

and all of a sudden, outside the window,

there was this great roar

that didn't seem ready to quit.

So, I-- I looked out.

There were about a dozen motorcycles at the curb,

and I guess they decided to start 'em all simultaneously.

Then I caught a glimpse of a very familiar-looking

blonde on the back of the lead motorcycle.

- Carolyn.

- Yeah, riding around with those creeps like she was the queen.

Then, a couple of hours later, they roared past again,

this time... (chuckles)

leaving a trail of empty beer cans.

She was still with 'em.

Boy, what is that girl doing?

- I'd say that she was doing the most obvious thing

to try and get back at her mother.

- Well, I must say there's nothing like the Collins family

for setting this town on its ear.

That, uh, that rumor about Liz Stoddard's marriage,

that's causing a lot of excitement.

Is that really gonna happen?

- I don't know.

Everyone's against it, of course.

- She can't be blind

to what kind of a person that McGuire is.

- I don't know that either, Joe.

They've known each other for years.

There is some sort of a bond between them,

but exactly what that bond is,

no one knows. - Yeah.

Well, on the surface, it just looks like

she went for the first guy who looked at her,

and that happened to be this smiling snake. (approaching motorcycle)

- She's pushing for that final decree

so she can marry him right away.

- Well, McGuire's gonna be a wealthy man.

He's got something going for him.

- Da-da-dum!

- (laughing)

- You're something else.

I mean, you are something else!

- You know it, Buzz!

You know it!

I'm thirsty.

- Hey, where are you putting all this stuff?

- I don't know,

but wherever it is, I got room for more!

(laughing)

- Baby...

I'm out of bread.

- Ooh!

Oh, don't worry about that.

I got more money than you'll ever see.

- That's not much.

(both laughing)

- Two stingers. (laughing)

- No, no.

I'm staying with beer.

- Oh, come on.

- She's loaded.

- They both are.

Joe, I-- I'm afraid for her,

riding around on those motorcycles.

I wish I could get her home.

- Want me to go over and try and split 'em up?

- No, no, she'll just make a scene out of it.

- To more horsepower.

- And to louder exhaust.

- (laughing)

Hey, Buzz,

there are my friends over there.

Come on.

- Who needs it?

They ain't worth much, like you said.

- Oh, come on.

Hi, Vicki.

And Joey.

- Hello.

- Buzz, this is my very best friend Vicki.

Vicki, I want you to meet Buzz.

- What do you say, Vicki?

- Hello. (Carolyn chuckling)

- And this is Mr. Joe Haskell,

who is approximately the greatest fishermen

in Collinsport.

- I've seen you, man.

- Yeah, and I've heard you, man.

- Oh, I just had the most wonderful day

I've ever had.

We've been up and down every road and street,

across every field, along the beaches.

It was living, Buzz, wasn't it?

- A gas, man. A gas.

- (laughing)

Hey, Vicki, you want to go for a ride on the cycle?

- No, thanks.

- Oh, sure you do.

Come on, Buzz, take her for a ride.

- Mm. - A fast one!

- Come on, kid. Sure.

- No, thanks. I'd rather stay here.

- Come on.

- She said she'd rather stay here.

- She'll be safe with me.

- Well, I think she prefers the safety

of sitting in that chair.

- Oh.

Well, if that's the kind of safety and security you want,

you can have it.

But I think I've discovered a way of life

where those words don't count.

**

(motorcycle approaching)

(motorcycle engine turns off)

- Hey, let go.

End of the line.

- Not the end. Don't say that.

- Maybe I should have delivered you to the back door.

- The front door.

The front door. Nothing but the best.

- Are you gonna get off,

or do you want to go for another?

- Another.

- I bet you would too.

Come on, now. Off. - (laughing)

- You had enough for one day.

- Can we do it again tomorrow?

- Sure, why not?

- Hey, Buzz...

what you think of me?

- I don't have to think about you.

I know we swing, and that's all I have to know.

- Yeah...

We swing. We really swing.

- Mm! Mm! Mm!

Hey! Hey! Cool it!

Cool it.

World's not coming to an end.

- You want to come in?

- Nah. - Oh, come on.

- I don't want to go in there.

- Why not?

- Who needs it?

It's not for me.

- It's for everyone and anyone.

Come on.

- (whistles)

- What do you think of it?

- People live in this place?

- Not really. It's...

the kind of place people exist in.

- Look at those stairs!

Hey, you know what I'd like to do?

I'd like to take my bike and zoom right up it!

- Yeah.

(chuckling)

Yeah, that would be something to see!

Hey, Buzz, come on.

I'd like to see that. You bring your bike in here.

- Hey, hey, come on.

- Please, Buzz, come on. - Hey, cool it!

- I want to see it. Bring your bike in here!

- Hey, hey.

- I want to see it go roaring up the--

- Cool it. Cool it.

I'm not gonna bring my bike in here

and wake up the whole house!

- Who cares who wakes up?

- Well, I don't want to get kicked out of here.

- Nobody's gonna kick you out.

Come on.

Let's have something to drink.

(glassware clinking)

**

- Got any beer?

- Oh, stop with the beer.

All you think about is beer.

Why don't you forget about the beer?

We got everything here.

Mix it up.

Live a little.

Darling.

- Okay... the party begins again!

(both laughing)

* Bah-bah, bah

* Bah, bah, bah-bah, bah *

* Bah, bah, bah-bah, bah

* Boo, boo, boo-boo, boo *

* Bah, bah, bah-bah, bah *

* Boo, boo, boo-boo, boo - Carolyn!

- Hey... it's Mommy!

- Do you know what time it is? It's : in the morning!

- Who thinks about time?

Hey, I want you to meet my man.

A real man.

His name is Buzz.

- Hi, Mommy.

- (chuckling) See, he likes you!

Calls you Mommy already!

- You're drunk!

(Buzz) - Hey, Mommy says you're drunk.

- Oh...

Mommy knows best.

- You better get out of here.

- I mean, like, wait a minute now, Mrs. Stoddard.

- Mrs. Stoddard? Mrs. Stoddard?

Why are you calling her Mrs. Stoddard?

It's Mrs. McGuire!

- What are you talking?

- That's my mommy's brand-new name.

I've been telling you all day

that my mommy was gonna get married,

and Mrs. McGuire is gonna be her brand-new name

because she's marrying some guy named McGuire.

- (scoffs) Figures.

So, how come you're calling her that now?

- Because I want her to get used to it.

I want her to know how it feels to be Mrs. Jason McGuire.

I want her to be proud of the name.

You are proud of it, aren't you...

Mrs. McGuire?

What's the matter, Mrs. McGuire?

Don't you like your new name?

Mrs. McGuire! Mrs. McGuire! Mrs. McGuire!

So, you fell in love, Mrs. McGuire?

Well, so have I!

**

**