Comfort and Joy (2003)

[bunniefuu]

Let's took a look
At the weather maps.

We've got some clouds moving
Into the area,

And in terms
Of precipitation --

Light snow flurries
Through the day

Followed by heavier snowfall
This evening.

It looks like we're gonna have
A very white Christmas.

Snow I do not need today.

%% Fa-la-la, la-la-la,
La-la-la %%

Renee -- Jane.

Sorry to do this
On such short notice,

But I need you to cancel
My 11:00.

Please schedule the meeting
After Christmas.

I really need to get some
Shopping done.

I haven't bought a thing.

Oh, I don't know.

You know, send flowers,

Apologize, tell him I had
Some sort of emergency.

You know the drill.
Thanks, bye-bye.

%% Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la %%

%% Strike the harp
And join the chorus %%

%% Fa-la-la-la-la %%

%% La-la-la-la %%

Also, can you get me directions
To Mr. Jorkin's party?

I can never remember
How to find his place.

Thanks.

Could you confirm my lunch
With Richard?

And could you find out
From his assistant

If we're exchanging presents
Today at lunch

Or if we're gonna wait
Until tomorrow?

Thanks, bye-bye.

[ horn honks ]

%% Heedless of the wind
And weather %%

%% Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
La-la-la %%

[ "Jingle Bells" instrumental
Music plays ]

Hey, how are you?

[ indistinct conversations ]

Hi.

Hey.

Sorry.

The car pool was late,

And then Derek couldn't
Find his costume

For the Christmas pageant.

I don't know
How you do it.

I don't know why I do it.

Sometimes, I swear,
It's not worth it.

Oh, what do you mean?

This "having it all" stuff
Is for the birds.

Oh, stop it.
Come on, you got everything.

You got a wonderful home,
A beautiful family,

And the partner track
At your law firm.

I don't have time
To sneeze.

I work 18 hours a day.

The kids are being raised
By the nanny,

And when Phil and I get
A rare moment alone,

We're like two batteries
That can't take a charge.

[ chuckles ]

Here you go.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Ooh, love these!

How much?

Oh, I’m not saying.

Whoo-hoo, that much, huh?

Yeah, but I’m worth it.

A girl has to have her toys,
I guess.

Oh, come on, now.

I've worked like a dog
For everything I’ve got.

I think I deserve to pamper
Myself every now and then.

I suppose.

Do you ever think
About chucking it all

And doing something else?

Of course not.

No, I love my life.

Come on, Jane.
What about a family?

With Richard?

[ scoffs ]
You must be joking.

Oh, please.

He's not exactly father
Material.

It doesn't have to be
With Richard --

Somebody else -- anybody.

[ sighs ]

Honestly...I just --
I don't see it, Allison.

I mean, I love your kids more
Than life itself, but...

I don't know.
They're just not my thing.

You would make
A great mother.

Oh, doubtful.

I don't really think
I'm the maternal type.

Well, it's a shame.

I would love it
If you would have kids.

Oh, misery
Loves company, huh?

[ chuckles ]
Yeah, something like that.

Oh, I gotta run.
I'm due in court.

Interesting case?

Yeah, I’m defending a man
Who thinks he's Santa Claus.

You're kidding?

Yeah, it's
A seasonal joke.

Oh, all right.
Ho, ho, ho, enough now.

It's a tax-evasion case --
Really exciting.

And for this, I’m missing
My kids' childhood,

Including Derek’s
Christmas pageant.

Well, I’ll see you
Tomorrow?

I can't wait.

I will make us some
Industrial-strength eggnog.

Oh, please.

Merry, merry --
Have a good day.

Hey, Renee, it's me again.
Listen, you know what?

I'm not gonna make it in
Before lunch.

Speaking of which,
Where am I meeting Richard?

That figures.

Only he would pick sushi
On Christmas eve.

No gifts -- okay.

Then I’ll get him something
This afternoon.

All right, thanks.
I'll see you later. Bye.

[ "joy to the world"
Instrumental music plays ]

[ speaking indistinctly ]

That would be great.
Hmm.

[ car alarm beeps ]

Hey, there.

Well, this is
A nice surprise.

How are you, daddy?

What brings you here?

Merry Christmas.

I thought we were doing
Gifts tomorrow.

Oh, I wasn't sure
If you were gonna come.

Why wouldn't I?

Well, 'cause mom is gonna be
There with Adam.

So?

So...that doesn't
Bother you?

Of course not.

I enjoy meeting
Your mother's boyfriends.

Oh, please,
You can't be serious.

No, I am.
It makes me grateful.

For what?

That I’m not them.

All right, now stop.

You promised you'd behave.

Scout's honor.

What's on the menu
For tomorrow?

Ooh, coconut curried duck.

Here we are.

[ sighs ]

Not very crowded
In here, huh?

I mean, Christmas and all.

This is a mob scene
Compared to usual.

Are you okay --
Financially, I mean?

Don't you worry
About your old dad.

It's like I always say.

I know.

Both:
Make more or desire less.

I don't need much, and with
What I’ve got, I’m happy.

You gonna open that?

Uh, should I wait?

No, come on, open it now.

Okay.

[ clears throat ]

This is gonna be
A big surprise here.

Oh, hey, it's beautiful.

What is it?

[ chuckles ]
It's a P.D.A.

What's that?

It's a little computer.

What does it do?

[ chuckles ]
Come on, dad.

It's to hold all your
Important information --

Your schedules, phone numbers,
Memos -- you name it.

Huh.

You hate it.

No, I love it.

It's beautiful, but I already
Have a little computer.

You do?

Yeah, it's called my brain.

Ah, you're terrible.

I'm horrible.

Have you got time
For some tea?

Uh, no, I’m sorry.
I gotta run.

Always running.

Oh, I’m meeting Richard
For lunch.

How is peter pan?

Daddy.

I'm sorry.
I didn't say that.

Go, run,
I'll see you tomorrow.

[ smooches ]

[ indistinct conversations ]

Richard.
How are you?

Good to see you.

You too.
Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.
You look fabulous.

You, as well.
Take care.

You too.
Call me.

We had an agreement.
I mean --

Hi, who was that?

Look, don't screw
With me here.

What did you say?

Look, sweetheart, I don't need
This kind of attitude.

Well, excuse me.
I just --

I know.

I think we're both under
A lot of pressure here,

And maybe we should table this
Until after Christmas.

Right. Okay, okay.

Well, you take care,
And I’ll talk to you then.

Have a good holiday
And all that.

Okay. Bye.

Sorry.

[ smooches ]

No rest for the wicked.

The Germans?

Always the Germans.
I feel like a babysitter.

[ chuckles ]
Shall we?

No.
Look, no can do.

You tell them that $2 million
Is our final offer.

Bye.

Sorry.

I really hate fighting
For your attention here.

Do you think we could shut
That thing off

For the rest of lunch?

Honey, I’d love to,
But I’m right in --

Well, hello.

Where have you been keeping
Yourself?

I could ask you
The same thing.

Jane, this is Jessica.

Jessica's with
Dalton and derby,

The best bond trader I know.

[ chuckles ]

She's taken me to the
Cleaner's more than once.

Hmm. I wish.

Hello.

You know, you and I are way
Overdue to break bread.

Hmm.

We'll have lunch
In the new year.

I'll call this afternoon
And set something up.

I'll wait by the phone.

Okay. Bye.

[ sighs ]

Close personal friend?

No, I can't stand her.
She's a k*ller.

Why did I have to run
Into her?

Now I’m obligated to have
Lunch with her.

If I don't call,
Then it's bad --

All right.
You know what, Richard?

Let's just talk
About something else.

Like what?

I don't know.

Let's just not talk about
Business for a while, okay?

Sure. Great.

What do you want
To talk about?

I don't know.

The future.

[ scoffs ]

Us.

Our future is great.

What exactly is our future?

Well, it's great.
It's terrific.

It's everything coming up roses
And all that.

I mean, I don't have
A crystal ball or anything,

But from where I’m standing,
It's --

So, we're just gonna keep on
Going as we are?

Of course.
I mean, it's terrific.

I'm happy.
You're happy.

I mean, why rock the boat?

[ sighs ]
God forbid.

What?
You're not happy?

I wouldn't exactly say
I was unhappy, but --

Great. That's great.

You know, I am so glad
We had this talk.

Listen, I hate to eat and run,
But I’ve got a big meeting.

Do I have anything
On my teeth?

No.

No calls right now.

Oh, well, merry Christmas
To you, too.

I'm sorry -- bad morning.
I hate Christmas.

It's a stressful time.

Today, Katie Couric did a report

On how Christmas is the most
Stressful time of the year.

The su1c1de rate goes up.

I mean way up,
Like triples or something.

There's a big relapse rate
Among alcoholics and --

Renee, not helping.

Sorry.
You want to look at these?

Sure.

This is probably a bad time
To ask you this,

But do you mind if I take off
Early tonight?

You got something
Going on?

Yeah, I got people coming over
For Christmas eve.

You're Jewish.

Oh, I like ritual,
So sue me.

Besides, it's not fair

You goyim get Christmas
All to yourselves.

Oh, sure.
Take off whenever you need to.

I'm ready to call it
A year anyhow.

Thanks.

Oh, wait.
Before you go...

This is for you.

Oh.

Merry Christmas.

Whoo.

Happy Hanukkah or joyous
Kwanzaa -- whatever.

Should I open it now?

Yeah, why not?

Oh, great.

Oh, great.

What? Oh, what --
You don't like it?

No, no, no, it's great.
It's just that...

What?

Oh, no.
Oh, no.

I gave you the same bag
Last year.

Renee, I’m so, so sorry.
I'm sorry.

I'll return it.

Oh, don't be silly.
I'll return it.

I could get a whole new wardrobe
In exchange for this.

You know me.
I live to shop.

I feel like an idiot.
I'm so sorry.

It's the thought
That counts.

It really is.

Mm-hmm.

[ telephone rings ]

Jane Berry's office.

Oh, hi, Mrs. B.

She may have just
Gone down the hall.

Let me check.

It's your mother.

Not now.

She says it's urgent.

Oh, please.

With my mother,
It's always urgent.

[ sighs ]

Hi, mother.
Merry Christmas.

Hello, sweetie.
Merry, merry to you, too.

How's my little sugarplum?

Oh, just peachy keen.

I wanted to know what time we
Should come over tomorrow.

We?
So Adam is coming.

Of course, darling.

I'm not gonna leave him alone
On Christmas.

Well, don't forget
His high chair.

I'm going to pretend

I didn't hear that very,
Very snide remark.

Look, I’m sorry, okay?

But you do realize that daddy's
Gonna be there, right?

Fine. Fine.

I'll just have to rise
To the occasion.

Look, no scenes,
Please, okay?

I do not want a repeat
Of last year.

My conduct last year
Was unimpeachable.

I was not the one
Who threw the wine goblet.

You were threatening him
With a carving knife.

I may have been gesturing
With a knife for emphasis,

But I would never...

Fine, whatever, okay?

I just want everybody to behave
Like grown-ups for once,

All right?

Then you should be lecturing
Your father, not me.

Ugh. Fine, mother.
Just stop it, okay?

Look, we're gonna eat
At 4:00, all right?



No, not 4:00-ish,


I am not gonna hold dinner again
This year.

When have I ever been late?

Punctuality
Is my middle name.

Great. Whatever you say.

Will Richard be joining us?

[ sighs ]
Of course.

Do I hear wedding bells?

No, it must be the feedback
From your hearing aid.

I don't know why you must be
So unpleasant.

Is it wrong for a mother

To want to see her daughter
Happily married?

Uh, look,
You know what, mom?

Renee just put a note down
In front of me.

I have an emergency.

I've gotta run down
The hall, okay?

So I’ll see you tomorrow,
All right?

Bye-bye.

[ sighs deeply ]

[ knock on door ]

I'm gonna get out of here now
If that's all right.

Sure. Go ahead.
Leave me in the lurch.

Go off to your exciting,
Wonderful life.

Getting smashed on eggnog
With four lonely gay guys

Is not exactly my definition

Of a wonderful,
Exciting life.

Well, it sounds good to me.

You okay?

Oh, yeah, I’m fine.

I guess I’m just not feeling
Very Christmassy this year.

You know what I recommend
For that?

Heavy drinking.

Sound advice.

You know you're welcome to swing
By my place later,

And there'll definitely be some
Heavy drinking going on there.

Well, you know what?
I would love to,

But I’m gonna wade
Through some of this

Before I head out
To Mr. Jorkin's party.

God, I wish
I didn't have to go.

The price of success.

[ chuckles ]

Anyway, I want you to have
The merriest of Christmases.

Aw. You too.

Thanks.

Bye, now.

Bye.

[ sighs ]

%% Have yourself a merry
Little Christmas %%

%% Let your heart be light %%

%% From now on, our troubles
Will be out of sight %%

%% Out of sight %%

%% Have yourself a merry
Little Christmas %%

%% Make the yuletide gay %%

%% From now on, our troubles
Will be miles... %%

Easy for you to say.

%% Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore %%

%% Faithful friends who are... %%

[ horn blares ]

Oh!

[ tires screech ]

%% ...once more %%

%% Through the years, we all
Will be together %%

%% If the fates allow %%

%% Hang a shining star
Upon the highest bough %%

%% Have yourself a merry
Little Christmas now %%

[ music stops ]

Oh.

Are you all right?

Ohh, gosh, I don't know.

Ohh, ow.
That's gonna leave a mark.

I heard the crash,
And my heart stopped.

Could you just give me
A hand?

I need to get out.

Take it easy.

Whoa. Ohh, my head.

Ohh.

Man.

Ohh.

Where -- where's my car?

It's right there.

No, no, no,
That is not my car.

I-I drive a jaguar.

Dream on, teenage princess.

You've driven that old car
For years.

W-w-wait a minute.

How would you even know
What I drive?

I damn well better know
What you drive.

We've been married
For 10 years.

All right, excuse me.
I just -- what?

Wait, what did you
Just say?

That we've been married
For 10 years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that --
What do you mean by that?

All right,
Just wait a minute.

What -- you don't recognize
Me, do you?

No, I don't.

I don't know who you are.

I have never seen. Okay, you're
really scaring me.

I think we need to get you
To a doctor.

No, no, I’m fine.
I'm fine.

Jane!

Really, just --
What did you call me?

Jane -- that's your name.

I know my name.
How do you know my name?

Lucky guess.
I don't know.

I think
You've got a concussion.

Something really weird
Is going on here.

Yeah, you.

Just, what --
Where is my coat?

What -- what happened
To my clothes?

Did you undress me?!

Oh, you've gotta
Be kidding me!

Look, everything's
Gonna be okay.

Just calm down.

Let's get in the house,
And we'll call a doctor.

You know what?
I just need to leave.

Please, I just want to make sure
You're all right, okay?

This...

Come on.
Watch your step.

Foot...it's okay.

Big step.

Okay, just come right
Over here and sit down.

I will get an ice pack
For your head.

Sit down.
That's right.

You know what?
I'm fine, really.

That's a nasty bruise.
I'm gonna call dr. Atkinson

And see if she can come
Take a look at you.

Truly, that's very considerate
Of you,

But I gotta be going.

No, you are not going
Anywhere.

What's going on?

There's been a little
Accident -- car accident.

Oh, no.

You have kids.
That's nice.

We have kids.

No, no, no.

What's with mommy?

Mommy? M--

Oh, okay, look,
You know what?

This is just really
Too weird, okay?

All right?

Let me state this

Once uncategorically
And for the record,

This is not funny,
All right?

Joke is over.

I am not married to you, and
I certainly don't have kids,

So I’m just gonna be going.

Mommy, you're scaring me.

You're freaking them out.
Will you just calm down?

I'm freaking them out?
How do you think I feel?

You're in shock.

I'm not in shock!

I'm completely in control
Of all of my senses.

I'm just leaving.

Leaving on Christmas eve?

Are you two getting divorced?

No, no, no one's
Getting divorced.

Your mom's just upset.
She's not herself.

Troy, go in the kitchen.
Call dr. Atkinson.

Tell her mom's
Had an accident.

Okay.

Don't leave!
It's Christmas!

You can't leave!

Okay, okay, this is --
All right. All right.

I don't know what's going
On here, okay?

And I certainly don't want
To ruin anyone's Christmas,

But I just --
I don't know you people.

Honey.

I just -- really, I think

We should wish each other
A nice merry Christmas

And be going
Our separate ways.

You're not okay
To go anywhere.

Now, just let the doctor
Take a look at you,

And then we'll regroup.

[ sighs ]
Good.

Did you get her?

She's on her way.

Good.

Just let the doctor
Take a look at you.

Look to the left.

Now look up.

It's fine.
I can't see anything.

There's clearly
No nerve damage

Because your pupils
Aren't even dilated.

And there's no indication that
You've even had a concussion.

Hmm.

Well, then how --

Sam, let me talk to you.

You rest easy now.

Mom, are you going nuts?

Maybe.

Probably.

I am not your mother.

Yes, you are!
I know my own mother.

What's it like to go nuts?

Do you hear voices?

Sure.

That's so cool.

And she didn't recognize
Anything, not even the kids?

No. It's like she dropped
In from outer space.

So, if you go really crazy,

Maybe you'll start
To see people!

Cool!

Who aren't even there!

It's already happening.

Oh, my god.

Uh, you know what?

I, um, um, mommy has
To make a phone call.

To an imaginary person.

No, no, to a very real person,
But it's kind of private,

So could you leave me alone
For a minute?

Okay.

Okay.

Do you want me
To shut the door?

That would be great.
Thank you.

Bye, mommy.

Hello, Mr. Jorkins.

Hi. It's Jane Berry.

Merry Christmas.

I'm so sorry
I'm late to your party.

I had a little accident.

No, uh, no, I’m fine.

I should be there soon,
Actually.

Jane.

Jane Berry, vice president
Of advertising.

You have a vague recollection
Of me?

That's nice.

Well, no, no, of course I
Realize it's a private party.

Hello? Mr. J--?

[ dial tone ]

[ sighs ]

Would you like
Some more coffee?

No, thank you, Sam.

So, what's your explanation
For all of this?

I've heard of things
Like this before,

But I’ve never seen it.

It's sort of
A situational amnesia

Brought on by trauma
Or shock.

It's usually short-lived

And disappears as quickly
As it came on.

Any idea when?

Oh, there's no way
Of knowing --

Maybe tonight or it could be
A couple of weeks.

I wish I could tell you.

Now, I can admit her
To the hospital tonight

If it'll make you feel
Better.

On Christmas eve?

Oh, I know. I know.

It's not the best time
Imaginable,

And I honestly don't think
It'll help.

Well, it might disorient her
Even more.

Chances are what she really
Needs is a good night's sleep.

Great.

[ groans ]

What was that?

Mommy!

Jane!

Mommy!

Jane!

Jane!

Mommy, don't go!
Mommy, don't go!

Mommy, don't go!

Heather and troy.
Come here, kids.

Jane! Jane!

[ doorbell buzzes ]

Who is it?

It's Jane.

[ door buzzes ]

Jane!

Oh, what a nice surprise!

Come in. Come in.
I can't believe you came by.

Everybody, this is Jane.

Jane's the great boss
I told you about.

Jane, this is Wally, Donnie,
Bill, and Albert --

Also known as the four horsemen
Of the apocalypse.

I'm pestilence.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, thank you.

Gosh, I hope
I'm not intruding.

Oh, are you kidding?
I'm delighted.

Wow, I love your hair.

Did you get that done
This afternoon?

No, no, no, I’ve had it
Like this for a while now.

Huh?
Oh, no, well, it's great.

So, what are you watching?

Oh, well, I wanted to watch
"white Christmas,"

But the boys wanted to watch
"Easter parade."

Judy is a woman
For all seasons.

Can't go wrong with Judy.

So we compromised
On "sunset boulevard."

Oh.

Quiet.
This is the best part.

Oh, as if you haven't seen
This 100 times.

Wait a minute,
Haven't I seen you before?

I know your face.

Get out or shall I call
My servant?

You're Norma Desmond.

You used to be
In silent pictures.

You used to be big.

I am big.

It's the pictures
That got small.

[ laughter ]

Encore?

Encore.

[ sighs ]

So come, sit.
Tell me how you've been.

How are Sam and the kids?

W-what did you say?

How are Sam and the kids?

How did you know
About them?

Well, it's not exactly
A secret.

It's the pic--

Oh, come on.

Renee, look, you --
I mean, you know me.

You know
I don't have a family.

Are you getting divorced?

What?

No, I’m not getting
A divorce!

I'm not even --
I'm not married!

Okay, Jane.

Jane, you're freakin' me out
A little here.

All right.
Okay.

Okay, you know, it's just --
It's been a long day.

I'm a little confused.

I need to work things out.

Okay.

So, how long have
You not had a family?

Could we just ignore --
I have no family!

Can we just stop talking
About the family

That I do not have?

Okay, fine. Whatever.
No family. Got it.

Okay, honey.
Sure.

[ wind whistling ]

[ doorbell rings ]

Hi.

Jane.

Can I come in?

Wow, this is a --
This is a surprise.

Can I come in?

It's not really
A good time, you know?

I mean,
Christmas eve and all.

Honey, who is it?

Oh...I see.

It's not a good time, huh?
Yeah.

All right, well, I get it.
I get it.

Otherwise engaged, are you?
Uh-huh.

Oh, my god.

Jessica, this is Jane.

I think the two of you may
Have met in the past.

The past?

Yeah, how about this afternoon
At sushi noku?

Wow!

You don't waste any time,
Do you?

Excuse me?

Listen, Jane, it's -- it's --
It's really nice to see you,

But this is kind of awkward.

I'd love to get
Together sometime.

It's just that now it's,
You know,

It's not really a good time.

So, that's it?
We spend two years together,

And you just dump me
On Christmas eve?

[ laughs ] what are you
Talking about?

I haven't seen you, Jane,
In almost...10 years.



Yeah, ever since you left me
For that guy.

What was his name?

Sam.

Yeah, yeah, that was it.
Sam.

Uh...so he's real.
He exists.

For your sake,
I certainly hope so

'Cause I’d hate to think
That you left me

For some figment
Of your imagination.

No, no, Sam is real.
I...

My kids are real, too,
I guess.

It's all real.

It's great to see you,
Jane.

We'll do lunch sometime,
Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Soon.

[ sighs ]

Can I help you?

You live here, right?

Yeah.
I hope so.

Just checking.

Merry Christmas.

[ sighs ]

Jane.

Hey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's just hang on a sec
Here.

Uh, hey, look, I don't know
What's going on here.

I started out this evening a
Single woman driving a jaguar,

And somehow I turned into
This wife and mother

Driving a terminally ill
Station wagon.

None of this makes
Any sense to me.

You know, I’m willing
To concede

That I have lost my mind,

But you have to believe me
When I tell you

That I don't know you.

I've never seen you before
In my life.

I-I believe you.

You seem like
A really nice guy,

Which is good

Because, you know,
Apparently, we're married.

Apparently. [ chuckles ]

I wouldn't even be here,
You know,

Except that I don't know
Where else to go.

Even my driver's license
Says I live here.

So no matter what I may think,
This seems to be my life.

It's a wonderful life.

Is that a joke?

A little seasonal humor.

It's very good.

Thank you.

So, what do you think
We should do?

You could start
By coming in.

You think?

Absolutely.

No funny stuff.

Mnh-mnh.
I grow on people.

Troy: hi, dad.

Did Santa come yet?

Not yet, troy.
Go back to sleep.

[ sighs ]

Mom, are you still nuts?

Completely.

That's okay.
I don't care.

I'm just glad you're home.

I was worried.

Time for bed, champ.

I know.
Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

So, what do you want
To do?

Uh, I don't know.
This is kind of awkward.

I think if it's
All the same to you,

I'll just sleep down here
On the couch.

Don't be silly.
I'll sleep out here.

You sure?

No big deal.

I have to put together
Heather's new dollhouse anyhow.

Oh, I could help you.

No, it's okay.
I'll get it.

No, really, I’d love to.

When I was heather's age,
I used to love Barbies.

Where is it?

It's right where we hid it.

Oh, wow.

[ laughing ]

That's great.

Oh, man, this is gonna be
A major operation.

Where's the glue?

[ laughs ] glue.
You don't need glue.

It all just fits together.

Perfectly.

Like you and me.

You have to stop saying
Things like that.

Well, I told ya,
I grow on people.

[ laughs ]

All right, I don't know what
Any of this stuff is for.

Okay, I want the china.
This is the chinaware.

Oh, well, like I know.
It's a Barbie house.

You can make the bed.

[ sighs ]

Need anything?

Uh...a toothbrush
Would be nice.

Toothbrushes are in the holder
Above the sink.

Mine's green,
Yours is purple.

Did you say purple?

It's just -- I mean,

'Cause I always get
A purple toothbrush,

I mean, from before.

I know.
Purple's your lucky color.

Well, I guess some things
Never change.

I guess not.

Uh...sleep well.

Good night.

Time to wake up!

Wake up!
It's Christmas!

Mommy, wake up.
It's Christmas!

Mommy, wake up!

Aaaaaaaahhh!

[ breathlessly ]
Okay, okay.

Mom, cool it.

I guess she's still crazy.

What's wrong?

Mom's still spazzed out.

Oh, this is my life?

Jane, just calm down.

This makes no sense.

This makes no sense.
This is my life.

Is she gonna be like this
All day?

I can't breathe.

Are you gonna slap her?

No, of course not.

That's what they do
In the movies.

Well, this isn't a movie.

I have completely
Lost my mind.

It's okay.

Troy, get your mother
A glass of water.

All right.
Just breathe, Jane.

Breathe.
That -- that's right.

Calm down.

[ water running ]

I'm good. Okay.

I'm calming.

Ohh.

Thanks.

I needed that.

[ laughing ]

Okay.

This is the best Christmas.
A dollhouse and skates!

Can we go skating later?

If we have time, honey.

Cool!

A world w*r ii guy
On a motorcycle.

It's Steve McQueen.

Who's Steve McQueen?

Well, he's the...

Never mind.

Do you like it?

It's awesome!

Thanks, dad!

Thanks, mom.

It's time to go sleep
Now, Lisa.

Wow.

Oh, wow.

This is incredible.

That's great.
Who gave you that?

You did.

Oh...well.
I always did have good taste.

[ laughs ]

You gonna open
Your presents?

[ sighs ] I don't know.

You know, I feel kind of
Strange.

Well, don't be silly.
They're yours.

Maybe they'll jog
Your memory.

Won't hold my breath.

Vroom, vroom.

Oh, wow!
Oh, Ella Fitzgerald.

Oh, I love Ella Fitzgerald.

God. How did you...

Yeah, thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, how 'bout some
"jingle bells"?

Yeah!

Gather 'round.

Okay. You ready?

Yeah.

%% Dashing through the snow %%

%% In a one-horse, open sleigh %%

%% O'er the fields we go %%

%% Laughing all the way %%

%% Ha! Ha! Ha! %%

%% Bells on bobtails ring %%

%% Making spirits bright %%

%% What fun it is
To ride and sing %%

%% A sleighing song tonight %%

%% Oh, jingle bells,
Jingle bells %%

%% Jingle all the way %%

%% Oh, what fun it is to ride %%

%% In a one-horse, open sleigh %%

%% Hey %%

[ doorbell rings ]
I'll get it.

Heather:
I'm right behind ya!

Merry Christmas!

Allison: hi, guys.
How are you doing?

Merry, merry!

Oh, I love the skates!

Thanks, happy Christmas.

Sam: hi, Allison.
Hey, kids.

Hey!
A little Christmas cheer.

Who's ready to get sloshed?
[ laughs ]

Come on,
We'll play in my room.

Allison.

Hi, sweetie.
Hey, handsome.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Merry Christmas.
Where's Phil?

Oh, he came down with a fever
Last night,

And he didn't want to
Infect anyone.

Poor guy.
What a drag.

Yeah, I think he's thankful
For the peace and quiet.

The kids gave him
An instructional golf video,

And that's what he was watching
When we left, so...

Can I talk to you
For a minute?

Yeah.
What happened?

She was drag racing
And a lamp post att*cked her.

[ gasps ] poor baby.
Are you okay?

Yeah.

We really need to talk.
Follow me.

Okay.

So let me get this straight.

You don't remember getting
Married or having kids.

Nope.

None of it?

Nope.

Whew. That's a biggie.

What is the last thing
That you remember

Before all of this happened?

[ sighs ] leaving Marley
And Jorkins yesterday

And driving to Mr. Jorkins'
Christmas party.

Oh, honey, you have not worked
At Marley and Jorkins

In at least 10 years.

So everyone keeps telling me.

Well, I can see why
You're so freaked out.

Look, none of this makes
Sense, you know?

I'm sure that Sam and the kids
Are lovely,

But, you know, I just -- I
Really -- I want my life back.

Well, that's the problem

Because there's no way to get
There from here.

[ sighs ] you think I’ve lost
My mind, don't you?

Mmm...no.

I think you've been through
A very traumatic experience,

And everything's gonna come back
To you really soon.

What are you doing
To that stuffing?

Adding ketchup.

Of course.

So you really -- you really
Think that all of this

Is just gonna come
Flooding back?

This new life.

Of course.

Although there
Are worse things

Than waking up and discovering
You're married to Sam Keller.

If that happened to me,

I'd think I would have died
And gone to heaven.

So...you think I’ve done okay
In this new life

That I completely
Don't recognize?

[ chuckles ] honey,
You won the lottery.

You two okay in here?

We're fine.
A little confused but fine.

So you know
About our little dilemma?

What do you think?

Well, I try to look
On the bright side.

At least this breaks up
Your normal routine.

[ scoffs ] no kidding.

Makes everything new again.

Well, I guess you could look
At it that way.

It's sort of complicated.

Yeah, but you guys get to fall
In love all over again.

Well, uh...
We need to get ready.

For what?

Church.

[ chuckles ] church?

Oh, man, I haven't been
To church in years.

Well, you have to go.

You're president
Of the altar guild.

I'm what?

You're the pillar
Of the community.

You're kidding me.

Come on, I’ve never been
The pillar of anything.

Well, you are now.

And the altar guild is serving
Christmas lunch to the homeless,

And you're in charge.

No way.

Yes way.

Can't you just call them
And tell them I’m sick

Or -- or that
I've lost my mind?

Look, I’m freaked out enough
As it is here.

The last thing I want to do
Is spend Christmas

With a bunch
Of homeless people.

That's what I do.

What?

[ sighs ] I work
With homeless people.

Sam is director of a drug and
Alcohol center on skid row.

[ sighs ]

I'm sorry, Sam.
I just -- I didn't know.

It's all right.

How could you know?
I guess.

If it makes you too
Uncomfortable,

You should stay here.

I don't want to drag you.

I just thought it would be nice
For Christmas

To give something back.

Yeah, sure, you know.
Of course...

Of course I’ll go.

I mean, you know,
Especially if I’m in charge.

Great.

Look, you're gonna have to
Help me through this.

Don't I always?

I don't know.
Do you?

I know.
Silly question.

[ chuckles ]

[ sighs ]

Church? Homeless?

I haven't done charity work
My whole life!

Listen, my darling girl,

When you come out of this fog
That you're in,

You are going to be so pleased

With the person
That you have become.

Race you.

Okay.

Come on, mom!

Hi.

I'm gonna need
Some extra hands, okay?

Oh, no, no.
No, I can't do this.

Yes, you can.

Oh, Sam, I don't know.
What do I do?

It's real simple.

You just take the food
From the bowls,

You put it on plates,
And you hand it to people.

Think you can handle that?

Yes, I guess
I can do that.

Where did all this food
Come from anyway?

What is this, deli?

No, you cooked it.

I don't cook.

You're a great cook,
Mommy,

Especially your macaroni
And cheese.

It's from a package,
Mutant.

It's still great.

Come on.

I don't know any
Of the other volunteers.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to say.

"merry Christmas"
Would be nice.

Oh, Sam.
I'm a fraud, okay?

I am not who these people
Think I am.

They don't know that you dropped
In from another planet.

So if you don't tell them,
I won't.

It will be
Our little secret.

? God rest ye, merry gentlemen ?

? Let nothing you dismay ?

? Remember Christ our savior ?

? Was born on Christmas day ?

? To save us all
From satan's power ?

? When we were gone astray ?

? Oh, tidings of comfort
And joy ?

? Comfort and joy ?

? Oh, tidings of comfort
And joy ?

? From god our heavenly father ?

? A blessed angel came ?

? And unto certain shepherds ?

? Brought tidings of the same ?

Merry Christmas.

? How that in Bethlehem
Was born ?

? The son of god by name ?

? Oh, tidings of comfort
And joy ?

? Comfort and joy ?

? Oh, tidings of comfort
And joy ?

Where do you want
These turnips?

Oh, down there by the yams.
Thanks.

I'll see you later.

You know, we could use
Some more plates.

We've got more coming.

Who's the guy
That's washing the plates?

Joe.

Thanks, Joe.

No problem.

Now, this isn't so bad,
Is it?

No.

You've got a knack
For this sort of thing.

[ laughing ]
Ooh...fresh.

There's a guy out there
Who's not eating.

That's Nate.

Well, is he hungry?

I don't think he's strong enough
To serve himself.

Poor guy's dying
Of emphysema.

I see him down
At the center a lot.

I'll take him a plate.

It's okay, dad.
I'll do it.

Hey, be my guest.

Thanks.

Sure.

Want some lunch,
Mr. Nelson?

[ raspy voice ]
I'd love some.

Here you go.

M-maybe I should cut it
For you.

Mmm, thank you.

Did you see that?

Yep.

What an amazing kid.

He's your son.

Oh, damn this thing.

I think it needs
New spark plugs.

You know, really, you should
Just get a new car

'Cause this one is --

[ chuckles ]
We can't afford it.

Don't be silly, please.

I have a lot of money
Saved up.

Well, maybe you had a fortune
In parallel universe land,

But here on earth,
You're broke.

No wonder I have
Such a dumpy wardrobe.

You don't have
A dumpy wardrobe.

It's simple and nice.

[ Christmas music plays ]

I can't believe I’m having this
Conversation with you,

Of all people.

There's more to life, Jane,

Than money and flashy cars
And expensive clothes.

So, that's it?

You're just content
To be broke?

This is what I chose.

No, I’m just [sighs] --
You don't want more?

Of course I want more.
It's human nature.

But I don't need it.

Everything I need,
I have right here.

Like grandpa says "make more,
Desire less."

You've heard him say that?

All the time.

He's like a broken record.

[ grunts ]

Come on, you can't have a
Conversation with the guy

Without him saying that.

This is true.

As much as I could do without
Your dad's platitudes,

I gotta admit,
He has a point.

Mommy, you can do it.
Come on, come on.

Wow!

Okay.
One step at a time.

Okay.

You're stepping on my foot.

Be careful.

We got you.

All right.
All right.

Okay.
Oh, no. Wait.

All right, don't let go.

%% Aah, shing-a-ling-a-ling %%

%% Aah, shing-a-ling-a-ling %%

%% Aah, shing-a-ling-a-ling %%

%% Aahhhhhh %%

%% Jingle bells,
Jingle bells %%

%% Jingle all the way %%

%% Oh, what fun it is to ride %%

%% In a one-horse, open sleigh %%

%% Hey %%

%% Jingle bells, jingle bells %%

%% Jingle all the way %%

%% Oh, what fun it is to ride %%

%% In a one-horse, open sleigh %%

%% Dashing through the snow %%

%% In a one-horse, open sleigh %%

%% Over fields we go %%

%% Laughing all the way %%

%% Bells on bobtails ring %%

%% Making spirits bright %%

%% What fun it is
To ride and sing %%

%% A sleighing song tonight %%

%% Oh, jingle bells,
Jingle bells %%

%% Jingle all the way %%

%% Oh, what fun it is to ride %%

%% In a one-horse, open sleigh %%

%% Hey %%

%% Jingle bells, jingle bells %%

%% Jingle all the way %%

%% Oh, what fun it is to ride %%

%% In a one-horse, open sleigh %%

%% Aah, shing-a-ling-a-ling %%

%% Aah %%

No, no...aah!

Ow.

Ohh.

I'll pick you up.

Whoa!

[ laughing ]

Let me help you up.

Dad!

? Aah, shing-a-ling-a-ling ?

? Aah, shing-a-ling-a-ling ?

? Aah, shing-a-ling-a-ling ?

? Aaaaahhh ?

? Jingle bells, jingle bells ?

? Jingle all the way ?

? Oh, what fun it is to ride ?

? In a one-horse, open sleigh ?

? Hey ?

? Jingle bells, jingle bells ?

? Jingle all the way ?

? Oh, what fun it is to ride ?

? In a one-horse, open sleigh ?

? Shing-a-ling-a-ling ?

? Shing-a-ling-a-ling ?

? Shing-a-ling-a-ling ?

? Shing-a-ling-a-ling ?

? Aah ?

You take those.

? Dashing through the snow ?

? In a one-horse, open sleigh ?

? Over fields we go ?

? Laughing all the way ?

Here, mommy.
Let me show you how.

Hmm.

Good job.

Thank you.

So, tell me something.

Sure, what?

How long have we known
Each other?




As a matter of fact.

You're kidding.
We met on Christmas eve?

Yeah, pretty romantic, huh?

Well, I’ll have to take
Your word for it.

So...was it love
At first sight?

You sure seemed
To think so.

You said that
You always loved me.

I said that?

Yeah, your exact words
In our first conversation.

Uh, it was one hell
Of an icebreaker.

Wow, that doesn't, uh,
That doesn't sound like me.

I must have been smitten.

Well, I’d like to think it was
With good reason.

[ laughs ]
Well, what about you?

Were you smitten?

You were pretty cute.

But was it love
At first sight?

And ever since.

I should really go check
On the turkey.

The turkey's fine, Jane.

Don't you find all of this
Really strange?

It's not exactly how I wanted
To spend Christmas this year,

But I’m adjusting.

It's just -- it doesn't
Make any sense to me

That I would be leading
This life.

Well, you are.
You just don't remember it yet.

What if I never remember it?

We'll cross that bridge if
And when we get to it.

[ doorbell rings ]

And that would be your father.
Early, as always.

No, no, wait, wait.

Okay, no, look, I can't --
I can't do this, all right?

Please, it's bad enough
That I’ve lost my mind.

I really don't want to deal
With my parents as well.

You can handle this.
It's just your folks.

Hey, wait up for me!

Who is it?

Merry Christmas!

Kids: oh, grandpa!

Look, can I ask you a favor?

Sure, what?

Can we just not tell my parents
Anything that's going on?

Really?

Was Santa good to you?

The best.

I got a new dollhouse
And dollies.

Wow.

I got a model
Of Steve McQueen.

And we all got skates.

Let's just get through
The evening, okay?

They already think I’m nuts.

I really don't want to add fuel
To the fire.

Please!

Let's just pretend
That this is my life.

It will be easier,
Trust me.

If you're sure...

Okay.

George: huh?
How about that?

How are ya?

Great.

Merry Christmas, old-timer.

That's right.
Mock your elders.

So, uh, honey, uh...

Hey, what is that --

What have you done
With your head?

Oh, well, you know,
It's a long story.

I got all night.

She crashed her car
And went nuts.

You crashed your car?
I'd go nuts, too.

Are you okay?

No, like, "crazy" nuts.

She doesn't even know
Who we are.

What are they talking about?

[ chuckles ]
They're just being funny.

You know, a little
Christmas mischief.

I'm not trying to be funny.

Neither am I.

Okay. Why don't we, uh,
Go check on the turkey?

And we'll get grandpa
A drink. Scotch?

You got my number, Sam.

Coming right up.

Why don't you kids...

What was all that about?

Oh, the kids?
Oh, who knows?

They're just joking around,
I guess.

Come on.

All right, if you say so.

What time's dinner?
I could eat a horse.

Soon, dad.

I've been fasting all day,

Saving up for
Your special turkey.

[ laughs ] yeah,
Well, I didn't make...

Uh, my special turkey,
Of course.

Yum.

How do you season it,
By the way?

I've always meant to ask.

It's a secret.

From your father?

Yep.

[ chuckles ]
Whatever you do,

It's a vast improvement
Over how you used to cook.

What does that mean?

Don't be mad, but...you're
A wonderful cook now.

But, uh, the Christmas dinners
You used to make -- pre-Sam...

Well, they were a challenge,
To put it kindly.

Well, that's a terrible thing
To say.

Terrible but true.

Your cooking
And everything about you

Changed for the better
About the time you met Sam.

So, why didn't you
Ever tell me

That my cooking
Was so horrible?

Honey, you're my daughter,
And I love you.

I would have eaten dog food
If you'd given it to me.

[ scoffs ]

Sometimes dog food would have
Been preferable.

Well, great.

Okay, so, this is just the "new
And improved" Jane.

Remember the duck
You cooked?

[ laughing ] [ laughing ]

In the exploding
Serving dish.

Uh-huh.

We were picking glass shards
Out of that damn thing

All night.

Yeah, that was --
That was terrible.

Oh, all this talk about food
Is making me even hungrier.

Let's eat.

Well, we have to wait
For mother.

Oh, I’m sure she'll be sailing
In on her broomstick

Any moment now.

Daddy.

[ doorbell rings ]

Speak of the devil.

Now, you promised
Your best behavior.

No scenes.

I'm always
On my best behavior.

[ laughing ]
Yeah.

Oh, darling,
I'm so sorry I’m late.

Hello, mother.

I hope I didn't keep
Everyone waiting!

No more than usual.

Don't start with me.

You wouldn't believe
The traffic.

I thought people were supposed
To stay home on Christmas.

All these dreadful people
Out on the road...

Don't worry about it,
Mother.

Dinner's not quite
Ready yet.

Oh, good.

You know what a nut I am
About punctuality.

I just hate to keep people
Waiting.

It's like a religion
With me.

It's fine, mother.
Where is, uh, where's Adam?

Adam?

What are you talking about?

I haven't seen him in ages.

She traded him in
For a better model.

You are so crass.

I don't know why
I even talk to you.

My natural charm, I guess.

Ahh! Some holiday cheer
And not a moment too soon.

Merry Christmas, Frederica.

And the same to you,
Sam.

Do you want a drink?

[ gasps ] well, you know,
I hardly ever, ever indulge,

But it is Christmas.

What do you want?

A double martini,
Stirred not shaken,

With a lemon twist...
No olive.

And if you're smart, Sam,
You'll make that a single.

What's that supposed
To mean?

That you'd be better off
If you paced yourself,

For a change.

You're a fine one to talk.

You swill down scotch
Like it's water.

I don't swill.

[ laughing ] I will not have
You, of all people,

Lecturing me
About my drinking.

You know what?
Will you two just stop it?

Please?

You know, I swear,
Some things never change.

What do you mean by that?

[ sighs ] nothing.

I just, uh...nothing.

Never mind.

So, how did your speech

At the mentor program
Christmas luncheon go?

My speech?

Yeah, what did you say?

Ohh.
Um, well, you know, nothing.

It really --
It wasn't that interesting.

Nonsense.
I'm sure it was fabulous.

What did you talk about?

Well, really, it's sort of...
Confidential.

Your speech?

Made at a public luncheon?

A speech that was covered
By the newspapers?

Well, we don't really expect

That anyone will read
The articles.

Well, that's very strange.
[ laughs ]

I mean, I thought the whole
Idea of the luncheon

Was to raise the profile
Of the organization.

It was.
I-I-it is.

It's just we wanted to do it
In secret.

Jane...is the mentor program

Some kind of...
Clandestine organization?

No!

[ laughing ]
No, of course not!

No, we want people to know about
It, just, you know, not...now.

Well, guess who dropped in
To the store two days ago?

Who?

Laurie Adler.

Who's Laurie Adler?

Oh, come on, you know.
Laurie.

And I know her how?

Darling, are you all right?

[ laughing ]
I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm just having a little trouble
Recalling who Laurie Adler is.

Your old friend.

The woman that you ran
The Boston marathon with.

Oh!

See, now that Laurie Adler.

I-I was thinking of another
Laurie Adler...

That I ran another marathon
With.

She knows
Two Laurie Adlers.

I don't think I knew that.

When did you run
Another marathon

With this other Laurie Adler?

I really don't remem--
Recently.

Really,
It was a long time ago.

I don't like
To talk about it.

It's a painful memory.

Do these two women
Know each other?

Yes.
No.

Not well.
They've met.

I try to keep them
Separate.

Why, in god's name?

Well, the "other"
Laurie Adler...

Stole the "friend"
Laurie Adler’s last name.

Her real name is smith.

Hmm.

Why would she do a thing
Like that?

I don't know.

It's just a very tense
Situation, you know?

We don't talk about it.

It's why I keep them separate.

Are you sure you're okay?

Couldn't be better.

[ chuckles ]

Yeah.

Your libation, madam.

Thank you.

Ohh!
A masterpiece.

I must say, you do know your way
Around a martini, Sam.

And you would certainly know.

I'm warning you --
Don't start.

Did I say something?

You are the most
Insufferable man.

I'm just gonna pretend
You're not even here.

Is that a promise?

You know what?
Please, all right?

Please, will you stop?

God, you're worse now than
When you were married.

What are you talking about?

We are married.

What did you say?

We are married.

We were remarried
Five years ago.

Yeah.

My parents got remarried?

I'm sorry.

I just keep thinking you know
Stuff like that.

Well, I don't.
I I I don't know anything.

Is she drunk?

I think she must have had
A concussion.

Did you see that bruise
On her head?

I saw it.
I didn't want to say anything.

What happened?

Her car crashed yesterday.

Oh.
Oh, my goodness.

Well, clearly she's in shock.

I've never seen her
Like this.

And that bruise
Does look nasty.

I have a good man for that.

Frederica, she doesn't need
Cosmetic surgery.

Why would you assume I’m
Referring to cosmetic surgery?

I know nothing
About cosmetic surgery.

Troy: hi, grandma.

Just please calm down.
It'll be okay.

It'll all come back.

I don't know if I want it
To come back.

You know, what kind of life
Is this anyway?

I have no job, no money,
No past, nothing.

You have a family
That loves you.

And you're strangers to me.

I don't even know you.

What kind of life
Is that for you?

Better than life
Without you.

Um, grandma wants another
Martini...a double.

Both: tell her dinner's ready.

Okay.

Grandma, dinner's ready.

[ sighs ]

Some Christmas, huh?

[ chuckles ]

Life with you
Is never dull.

[ whirring ]

Mommy and me
Made the beans.

Some for you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Like to say grace, Jane?

Why would I do that?

You always say grace.

[ sighs ]

Of course I do.

I knew that.

Uh, okay.

God, uh, well, I’m not quite
Sure how to thank you

For all the blessings that
You've given me and my family.

Uh, it's been
An interesting Christmas.

[ chuckles ] full of surprises.

Wow...

Really not how I thought
I'd be spending Christmas.

Actually, nothing like

How I thought I’d be
Spending Christmas.

It's -- um,
But you're the boss, right?

You're in charge.

I'm really grateful,
Uh, for...thy bounty,

Uh, and thy goodness...

For thy...bigness.

For thy leading us not
Into our trespassers

Who lives and reign with
The holy spirit.

Forgive us now and in the hour
Of our need.

For thine is the kingdom

And the power and the glory
Forever and ever.

With liberty
And justice for all.

Amen.
Amen. Amen.

Amen.

That was an unusual prayer.

I thought it was nice, mom.

Thank you, honey.

This stuffing
Is interesting.

What did you season it
With?

Ketchup.

Interesting.

Hmm.

I think it's great, Jane.

Thank you, Sam.

Jane, your father told me
About your accident.

Are you sure
You're quite yourself?

Hmm.
Why would you ask that?

Well, you just seemed
A little off.

Off?

You know -- behaving
Erratically.

You know, like the old Jane.

You know, what exactly was
Wrong with the old Jane?

I happen to like
The old Jane.

So did I.

It's just that everybody,
Me included,

And you too, I hope, seem
To like the new Jane better.

Huh.

Uh, Sam, could I see you
In the kitchen for a moment?

What for?

We need to discuss the...
Turkey.

The turkey's on the table.

It's a little dry.

I'm concerned about
The leftovers.

Can't we talk about it
Later?

We really need to talk
About it now, Sam.

She worries
About the leftovers.

It's a real thing with her.

Sam, I really need you now.

Excuse me.

What is going on with her?

I told you.
She's gone nuts.

How dare you call your
Mother nuts!

Troy's right.

She doesn't remember
Who we are.

She's still funny
And nice, though.

Now I’m completely lost.

Hmm.

Ketchup?

Once upon a time,
I could handle things.

I could remember the past --
My past.

I knew what kind of car
I drove.

I knew my friend's name.

I could remember a speech
I'd given.

Now, I can't remember
Anything.

Do you remember yesterday?

Yes.

Good.
Well, that's a start.

We can build on that.

Now, let's just get
Through dinner,

And then we'll send your
Parents off into the night

To make each other miserable.

Do you promise?

I promise.

Come on.

Well, we have determined

That the turkey will be just
Fine for the leftovers.

We're all very relieved,
I'm sure.

Are you two fighting?

No, George,
Everything's fine.

Sorry, I don't mean to pry.

Well, I do.

Jane...what's all this

About your not remembering
Your own children?

[ laughs ] what are you
Talking about?

They said you didn't know
Who they were.

Jane...darling, are you
Suffering memory loss?

Are you having
Some strange episode?

[ sighs ] look, mother,

I just really haven't been
Myself the last couple of days.

Apparently not.
Your father's right.

You're acting
Like the old Jane.

Just what is that supposed
To mean?

Emotional...erratic.

Oh, as if you are some model
Of emotional stability?

That's exactly the kind of thing
The old Jane would say.

There is no new Jane!
Okay?

I am the old Jane.

And you know what?
I like her.

She had a-a life.
She was successful.

She had a great job.

Which you foolishly quit.

Frederica,
You're not helping.

You hated that job.

It doesn't matter!
At least I knew who I was.

Now I wake up to find
I'm some weird combination

Of -- of Betty Crocker
And Mother Teresa.

It's just not me!

If this is about resuming
Your career,

I say it's high time!

It's a shame to see you keep
Wasting your talents.

Frederica...

I've never understood

Why you and Sam have felt
Personally responsible

For saving the world.

Well, somebody has to.

That's all well and fine,

But does it mean that you
And the children

Have to live like paupers?

Frederica...

I have no problem
With saving the whales,

But to throw away everything
You had

For these fuzzy
Little ideals --

Frederica, will you shut up?

Excuse me?
What did you say to me?

I said to shut up!

Well, I never.

No, you probably haven't.

If you'd listen to your
Daughter,

You'd know that
This has nothing to do

With her job or her career.

You know, when she was young
And successful,

You used to badger her to find
The right man and settle down.

Now, I don't know
If I’m the right man,

But when we married and started
A family -- a great family --

You told her she was
Wasting her life.

Don't you see?
She can't win with you.

That's not true!

Jane has had some problems,

And she needs to work
Through them.

But what she doesn't need
Is you passing judgment.

Either old Jane or new Jane --

To me, they're the same person,
And I love them both.

So with all due respect,
My darling mother-in-law,

I suggest we just drop
The whole thing

And finish our dinner.

Or...I could just leave
Right now.

That would be fine, too.

I have never been treated
So rudely in my entire life.

There's a first time
For everything.

Come on, George.
We're leaving.

Bye, grandma.

Nice Christmas.

But I’m still eating.

Get a doggie bag!

[ door opens ]

I guess we'll be going.

Merry Christmas,
Everybody.

Goodbye, kids.

Bye, grandpa.

One thing you can say
About our family --

Our Christmases
Are never dull.

Daddy, you don't have to leave.
Neither does mother.

Well, I think
It's time we get going.

Call it a hunch.

I hope she isn't too angry.

Ah, don't worry.
She'll be fine.

This kind of thing keeps
Her blood pumping.

It's good for her.

Well, merry Christmas,
Sweetie.

[ smooches ]

Merry Christmas.

[ door opens, closes ]

Uh...you kids finish eating.

I'll be right back.

Want to make a wish?

Sure.

Temperature's dropping.

Feels like
It might snow again.

You told my mother
To shut up.

Yeah, I guess I did.

Probably not
My finest moment.

No, I thought it was great.

I've been wanting to do
That my whole life.

[ chuckles ]

No one has ever stood up
For me before like that.

Well,
I was happy to oblige.

It's the least I could do.

Did you mean
What you said in there?

Telling your mom to shut up?
Of course I did.

About loving the new Jane
As well as the old Jane.

With all my heart.

Even the Jane that can't
Remember our life together?

All of the above.

Sam.

Hmm.

Oh, I just feel
Kind of dizzy.

Yeah, I have that effect
On women.

No, I’m not kidding.

There's -- there's
Something wrong.

It's really wrong.

Are you okay?

No, I’m just kind of --

[ horn honks ]

[ tires screech ]

I hate Christmas.

Our future is great.
Everything coming up roses.

[ tires screech ]

Was it love at first sight?

You said
That you always loved me.

[ tires screech ]

I know my own mother.

I just want to make sure
You're all right.

I was worried.

Make more or desire less.

[ laughing ]

Old Jane, new Jane -- to me,
They're the same person,

And I love them both.

[ laughing ]

So you think I’ve done okay
In this new life?

You've won the lottery.

Yummy.

[ tires screech ]

[ electricity crackling ]

%% ...the fates allow %%

%% Hang your shining star
Upon the highest bough %%

%% Have yourself a merry
Little Christmas now %%

[ music stops ]

Are you okay?

It's you.

Yes, it is. [ laughs ]

[ laughing ]

I knew it would be you.

I'm sorry.
Have we met?

Yeah.

No.

It's a long story...

But [sighs]
I have always loved you.

And I’m growing very fond
Of you.

No, no, it's true.

Always.

I have always loved you,
And I always will.

That's great, and I am a big
Fan of eternal love,

But don't you think we should
Start by introducing ourselves?

[ laughing ]

I know you, Sam.

Okay, how did you know
My name?

I know everything about you.

I know that you're good
And kind.

I know that you have
A green toothbrush.

Okay, I do have
A green toothbrush.