[METAL CLANKING]
[MAN COUGHS]
[IN NORWEGIAN]
[ENGINE TURNING]
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
[ENGINE DIES]
[ENGINE SPUTTERS]
[MUTTERS]
[GRUNTS]
[THING GROWLS]
[THING ROARS]
[SCREAMING]
[THE RONETTES'
"SLEIGH RIDE" PLAYING]
Just hear those sleigh bells
Jingling
Ring tingle tingling too
Ring-a-ling-a
Ding-dong-ding!
Come on
It's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together
With you
Ring-a-ling-a
Ding-dong-ding!
Outside
The snow is falling
And friends are calling
"Yoo hoo!"
Ring-a-ling-a
Ding-dong-ding!
Did you guys know that Norway is
the happiest country on Earth?
Yeah?
Doesn't surprise me.
It's like Disneyland
for Europe.
Now we've moved to Disneyland.
How lucky.
I just wish global warming
would hurry up already.
CAROL:
Don't worry.
In a couple of years,
when California's
just a scorching desert,
Norway will be
just like Santa Monica.
NORA:
Yeah, right.
Hey, is that a moose on a sign?
CAROL:
Oh! So cute!
BILL:
Have you ever seen
a moose on a sign before?
Come on.
[SEAT BELTS UNLATCH]
Let's take a photo with it.
NORA: Yeah.
Yeah?
Oh, this is gonna make
the most amazing
family Christmas photo
for this year.
Oh, yeah. Great idea.
Okay,
everyone line up behind.
Get a good angle.
Okay.
Like that?
Yeah,
that's great.
Okay,
everyone say "moose."
ALL:
Moose!
[CAMERA BEEPS,
SHUTTER CLICKS]
What is that?
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Oh, that's so cute.
Just like
in the sign.
CAROL: So cute.
Hi, buddy.
LUCAS:
Dad, be careful.
I mean, how often
do you get the chance
to say hi to a little guy
like you, huh?
[GRUNTING]
Hey, buddy.
You cold out here? Huh?
[MOOSE 2 SNORTS]
[MOOSE BELLOWS]
Is that your mother?
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
Run!
Oh!
It's a k*ller moose!
CAROL:
Come on!
Run!
Quick!
[MOOSE BELLOWS]
[WHIMPERS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
CAROL:
Start the car, g*dd*mn it!
BILL:
The car won't start!
CAROL:
Start the car!
What are you doing?
[SIREN WAILING]
[BILL WHIMPERING]
[SIGHS]
[WAIL CEASES]
Everybody okay?
Yeah.
[MOOSE BELLOWING
IN THE DISTANCE]
[IN NORWEGIAN]
Uh... Uh... I'm still
working on my Norwegian.
Oh, you're Americans?
Yeah.
I just gotta tell you,
I love The Kardashians.
Okay, so the father moose,
he can be a bit crazy
if you go after his kid, so...
Oh, we weren't going--
In Norway, we learn early
that if you mess with nature,
nature will come back
right at you
and punch you in the faces.
So good luck!
Thank you.
Thank you. Bye.
That was fun, huh?
We met the sheriff
and a moose and a baby moose.
Welcome to Norway.
Our cheeks are nice and rosy
And comfy and cozy are we
Ring-a-ling-a
Ding-dong-ding!
Come on
It's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together
With you
Ring-a-ling-a
Ding-dong-ding!
Ring-a-ling-a
Ding-dong-ding!
Ring-a-ling-a
Ding-dong-ding!
BILL:
Oh, boy.
Even prettier than I remember.
Here we are! Heh?
NORA: This is it?
Look at that.
I still can't believe
we inherited this place.
Gonna be the best
Christmas ever, buddy.
Our backyard's bigger than
our whole old neighborhood.
Yeah, it is.
We're in the middle of nowhere?
Yeah.
Hey, isn't it great?
NORA:
My life is over.
BILL:
Come on,
let's check out our new digs.
Here we are.
Home sweet home.
Huh?
Yeah.
Wow.
Whoa.
Yeah, whoa, huh?
NORA:
Ew! It smells
like somebody d*ed.
I cannot live here.
It sure is fresh.
[CHUCKLES]
It's exciting.
Yeah.
This is our future.
Bed and breakfast.
It does need a little work.
CAROL: Yeah. Okay.
BILL:
Not much.
Okay.
Ready?
Mm-hm.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah, right?
Wow.
Needs a bit of work,
huh?
Oh, we'll fix
this place up in no time.
And a year from now,
people are gonna be lining up
around the barn
to stay here at night.
You'll see.
Yeah?
BILL:
Yeah, of course.
You could even have
your self-help seminars here.
CAROL: Yeah.
BILL: Just think,
your concept of Happy Vision.
CAROL:
Lucas, don't stay out too long.
[LOUD CLATTERING]
[CLATTERING]
And that is my
great-great-grandfather.
When he was only 18,
he said goodbye to his family
and hopped on a boat to America.
He swore he'd come back,
but he never did.
But here you are.
Here we are,
as a family,
in our new home.
You know, I just hope
that your kids get used to it.
And that Lucas
finally finds a friend.
[PANTING]
And us, here together.
Me as their mom.
Hey, you've been their mother
for years. They love you.
I don't know, I just feel like
ever since we got married...
it's like Nora
really resents me.
LUCAS:
You guys!
[BREATHLESSLY]
There's something in the barn.
What do you mean,
"something"?
I don't know,
but it's something.
Oh, well, it's probably
just the wood.
Old buildings,
they creak and groan.
BILL:
Yeah, that's just how it's
gonna be now, living out here.
Hey, you wanna do
something fun tonight?
Sure.
Should we do what all Norwegians
do this time of year?
Yeah.
BILL:
For thousands of years,
Norwegians have come out
on winter evenings
to marvel at the sight
of the great Northern Lights.
I can't see sh*t.
Language.
I'm cold.
Can we go inside?
Okay, while we wait
for the sky to clear up,
why don't we have more
of that glgg?
That'll warm you up, huh?
Maybe we should
call it a night.
No, no.
You guys want to go to bed?
Yeah.
You're gonna miss
the Northern Lights.
Okay.
Whatever.
[SIGHS]
Hey, you know, maybe you should
give them a bit of space.
This is a big change.
For all of us.
[GASPS]
Look at this, huh?
We got everything
we need here.
A ski shop,
bakery.
CAROL:
Another ski shop.
BILL:
Wonderful.
CAROL:
So great.
[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]
Oh! Watch out.
That looks fun, huh?
Can we go inside?
It's f*cking freezing.
Hey, don't use
the F word.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
It's
f*cking cold.
She's not wrong,
I mean, it is cold.
Why don't we go in here and
grab a little Norwegian treat?
Don't stay out here long,
Lucas.
Hey,
how are you doing?
Hi. Hello.
BILL:
This looks cozy, huh?
CAROL:
Hi.
I love your onesie.
Suits you.
Are you the family
that's taking over
the Nordheim farm?
Yeah, that's us.
Eric was my uncle.
I inherited the farm
after he passed away.
[CLEARS THROAT]
CAROL:
Yeah, and now
we're moving here.
So these are
the happiest people on Earth.
[GATE BELLS CHIME]
[GASPS]
[IN NORWEGIAN]
What?
[LOUDER]
I'm American.
Oh, sorry. Heh.
That's a fjsnisse.
I guess you can call it
a barn elf.
Are they real?
What do you mean?
Like, do they exist?
Yes.
Are they good or bad?
If you treat
the barn elf nice,
he will be good to you
and help look after the farm.
But if you make him angry,
he will do whatever it takes
to get rid of you.
I've read tales, actually,
about the barn elf
breaking the necks on the cows,
and just shoving their carcasses
into milk containers.
Um...
You know that
old dilapidated barn?
We're turning it
into a hotel.
It's a little bit rough,
but you get the idea.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Get back to nature
with Nordheim Forest Glade.
Our barn is your home.
CAROL: Mm-hm.
Briefly.
CAROL: Eco-friendly.
BILL:
Have you ever heard of
Airbnb? Or Vrbo? HomeAway?
He's digesting it.
Yeah.
It takes a second.
LUCAS:
How do you make him angry?
Well, it depends. First off,
the barn elf is very, very
old-fashioned and traditional,
so he hates
changes to the farm.
Okay.
Secondly,
he doesn't like bright,
artificial light, you know,
and he hates loud noises.
So don't take him to a rave
party, to put it that way.
Okay.
Lucas?
Oh, Lucas,
get away from that man.
Hey, Mom.
Hi.
I hope he hasn't
been bothering you.
No, no, no.
He's not bothering me.
I'm just surprised
to see a visitor here.
Or a visitor at all.
We don't get any visitors
here at all.
It's very cozy.
Yes. I guess you are here
on the vacation?
Oh, no, no, no.
We actually just moved here.
Oh?
To the-- You know
the Nordheim farm?
You know it?
To the Nordheim farm?
Yeah.
Yeah, yes,
I know it. Yes.
Bye.
Okay, honey, let's go.
[WIND GUSTING]
Hello?
[INDISTINCT MUTTERING]
[CLATTERING]
Hello?
[GRUMBLES]
Oh, right. Sorry.
Whoa.
Don't be afraid.
[GASPS]
[GRUNTING]
You want a cookie?
Hm.
[GRUNTS]
[SNIFFING]
[MUNCHING LOUDLY]
You really like that,
don't you?
My name's Lucas.
And those other people,
they're my family.
And we all promise
to keep you safe.
I promise.
[STOMACH GROWLING]
Oh. Oh, oh.
Want another one?
[GRUNTS]
[GASPS]
[YELPS]
Are there any beaches?
No.
Do they play softball?
No.
So, what is there?
Just snow.
[SCOFFS]
I miss you.
[GRUNTS, SOBS]
This really sucks.
Jess?
[DISTORTED,
INDISCERNIBLE SPEECH]
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
Jess!
[SIGHS]
[DOOR OPENS]
Heard of knocking?
Sorry.
I know you're going through
a tough time right now,
but you know
what can really help?
It's something
I like to call Happy Vision.
Oh, my God.
Are you seriously doing
your life-coaching on me
right now?
My tools have helped
a lot of people.
If you envision something
that makes you really happy,
it can come true.
My friends are my life.
How am I supposed to visualize
them into existence, huh?
Norway will grow on you.
The only thing that'll grow
on me here is icicles.
Good talk.
[IN NORWEGIAN]
[IN NORWEGIAN]
Okay.
[IN NORWEGIAN]
Morning.
How is the Norwegian
coming along?
Great. You know,
I'm practically fluent.
Sounding great.
Yeah, I'm picking it up
pretty easy.
Amazing.
You know, I really hope
Nora and Lucas
make some new friends.
They must miss
their old friends a lot.
I'm sure they'll make friends
in no time.
Hm. I don't know.
I feel like these Norwegians
are really hard to connect with.
My grandpa used to say:
"Norwegians have an ice wall
around their hearts.
But if you can manage
to melt it,
you have a friend for life."
Hm.
Maybe we could
invite the neighbors over.
We could throw a party?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Show them good old
American hospitality.
That might thaw
their frozen hearts.
That's a great idea.
Why don't we throw the party
at the barn?
Perfect.
Yay!
I love it.
Great.
Okay.
I'm gonna clear the snow.
It's not gonna clear itself.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, yeah.
It cleared itself.
Hm? Maybe
it's a public service
they provide in Norway.
Right.
And now you see how social
democracy works, Lucas.
You pay your taxes
and they fix stuff for you.
Gotta love Norway.
[MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES]
[DOOR CREAKING]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[ELF GRUNTS]
Thanks for clearing
the snow.
That was very kind of you.
Oh!
[GRUNTS]
Thank you.
[GRUNTS]
[LOUD KNOCKS ON DOOR]
[GASPS]
Who are you talking to?
An elf.
He was here.
Right.
Where'd he go?
["HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS"
PLAYING]
Got it.
Have a holly jolly
Christmas
Come on,
throw it like you mean it!
[CHEERS]
Christmas party
in the barn.
Christmas in our barn.
Please come.
Do you want to play
a game or something?
I'm sorry. I'm just
super busy right now.
NORA:
You know,
we could just buy a tree
like normal people.
BILL:
No, no, illegally
cutting down your own tree
is a rich
Norwegian Christmas tradition.
Just pick one!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]
Somebody waits for you
Kiss her once for me
Yeah! Hit it!
Whoa.
And in case
You didn't hear
[GRUNTING]
Come on.
Nope.
[GRUNTS]
I give up.
How do those lumberjacks do it?
I brought you
some more cookies. Enjoy.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, by golly
Have a holly jolly
Christmas
Losing my mind.
This year
Just a little
finishing touch.
There you go.
[GRUNTING]
Come on,
buddy!
What's going on?
There he is.
Got a little
surprise for you.
Three.
[GROANS]
Two.
One!
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
[YELLS]
LUCAS:
No!
[ELECTRICITY HUMMING]
Oh!
Stop it.
What are you--?
What are you doing?
Hey.
CAROL: No, stop it.
He hates bright lights.
Who?
The barn elf.
The barn elf?
Oh, it was part of
that exhibition at the museum.
Yeah, he's real.
And he lives right there.
And if we treat him well,
he'll treat us well.
And he hates this stuff.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
He hates decorations?
No, he hates lights, he hates
changes, he hates loud noises.
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
Hah?
Motion-activated!
Every time.
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Works every time.
Merry Christmas!
What do you think, Nora?
It's just like being at home.
It's not so bad.
Yay!
BILL:
That's my girl.
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
BILL:
You can wave
anything in front of it.
Come try!
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
[ELF SNARLS]
SANTA DECORATION:
Ho-ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
Ah...
No, no.
Why? What happened?
What happened?
Where's Santa?
They took Santa!
Dad, I'm so sorry.
SANTA DECORATION [DISTORTED]:
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Santa?
Merry Christmas!
Santa?
They k*lled him.
[DECORATIONS CLATTER]
So, what do you think
happened, officer?
Probably some kids,
you know?
The youth club closed,
so they're bored.
Mm.
Yeah.
So, what are you
gonna do about it?
Yeah, what are you gonna
do about it?
I mean,
kids will be kids, right?
Yeah.
[SCOFFs]
No, I mean, what are you
going to do about it?
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to swipe
this area for fingerprints,
and then I'll call
the forensics, and...
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, I'm just kidding.
I will look into it though.
Okay, great.
Hey.
Thank you so much.
No problem.
We're in good hands.
You know what?
It could be the moose,
coming back for revenge.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[LAUGHING]
You just let her go.
Huh?
Why?
She said she's gonna handle it.
She's gonna look into it.
That means "do nothing."
No.
Hey, you're in Norway now,
okay?
Nothing bad
ever happens here.
[ITEMS CLATTER]
That looks good. Hm?
Yeah.
Can't wait for
our neighbors to see
all this hard work
we're putting in.
[SIGHS]
What's wrong?
What if nobody comes?
What if we can't
make new friends here?
Hey.
Happy Vision.
You remember four years ago,
when I met you at your seminar?
I was really struggling.
I was at the end of my rope.
You gave me the tools
to deal with the most
difficult time in my life.
That seminar completely
changed my life.
In many ways.
You're right.
Happy Vision.
Hey, there she is.
[CHUCKLES]
You put positive energy out
and you will attract--
[SCREAMS]
Oh, my God!
[CRASH INSIDE BARN]
CAROL: Anything broken?
No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I must've dislodged it
when I was moving boxes.
We gotta go. The guests
will be here in five hours,
and we have to check
if you have a concussion.
BILL:
Okay.
How could you do that?
You almost k*lled
my dad.
[GROANS]
I thought we were friends.
[GRUMBLING]
[WIND HOWLS]
[GASPS]
[SIGHS]
[PIANO CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]
[MAN COUGHING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[IN NORWEGIAN]
Um, okay, let's eat!
Yeah.
BILL:
I think that went pretty well.
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Use your Kn*fe, sweetie.
Why is nobody talking?
They just need to warm up.
Okay.
[IN NORWEGIAN]
[MAN SINGING IN NORWEGIAN]
[MUSIC VOLUME DECREASES]
Norwegians are
so friendly, huh?
They just needed alcohol.
Lots of it.
Who knew?
Yeah. Cheers!
[SNARLING]
...k*lled Rudolph
This Christmas
Your mom lets you
drink wine?
Yeah, she says I'll get
my hands on alcohol anyway,
so she'd just rather
I drink something safe.
[CHUCKLES, GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
I got you, Bill. Billy.
Wasn't expecting the hug.
Ah.
It's very Norwegian.
A hug?
Yeah.
We do that too.
You want some?
Sure.
This, I brew myself.
Oh. Right.
Don't go near an open flame
after you drink this stuff,
I tell you that.
Maybe I don't drink it.
You drink it.
And so I pictured
this happy life in Norway,
and here we are.
And we'll make it happen.
Yeah.
Eventually.
You are so brave.
Thank you.
I've always wanted to be
an American.
I have a question.
Yeah.
Have you ever been chased
by the cops?
No.
You know, like a car chase
or a foot chase or, like,
an escalator. Whatever.
Why did you move
to Norway?
I don't know.
I guess my dad
just thought that, um,
if we moved somewhere else,
we would just magically become
this big, happy family.
I have to admit,
it hasn't been easy.
Mm-hm. Yeah.
And all the rumors
and everything.
Rumors?
About the farm.
That it's haunted.
Very terrible.
This ain't good
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC CONTINUES]
[GLASSES CLANKING]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Hi.
Can you give us a minute?
Okay.
CAROL: Thank you.
[GIGGLING]
See you later.
Is that wine?
Mm. Mm-mm.
Oh.
I know
what you're going through.
You know,
moving can be so hard.
[GLASS BREAKS]
Raymond,
can I ask a huge favor?
You want me to be Santa
on Christmas Eve, right?
Yeah.
Yes!
I love being Santa
on Christmas Eve.
Great.
I'm usually alone
on Christmas anyway,
so I have
nothing else to do.
I mean, how do you even
make friends at my age?
You are so lucky.
[ELF SNARLING]
It's so much easier
when you're young
and gravity
hasn't taken over.
[NORA VOMITING, COUGHING]
Oh!
[GURGLED GRUNTING]
Are you okay?
[RETCHES, COUGHING]
[GROANS]
[GRUNTS]
[MUSIC STOPS]
The party's over!
[GUESTS GROAN]
LUCAS: Please stop.
[GRUNTS]
You're making the elf mad.
BILL:
Lucas.
RAYMOND:
Quiet, everyone!
[SNIFFS]
[RAYMOND MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
Are you kidding me?
CAROL:
I can't believe this.
I mean,
you're not even 21.
[GROANS]
What?
[STOMPING SLOWLY]
You're grounded.
I'm already grounded!
We're all
f*cking grounded anyway!
Well, then
your phone is confiscated.
Until January.
You're a monster.
[GRUNTS]
What?
She's your daughter.
Yeah?
Why don't you say something?
Yeah.
I agree with Carol,
your mother. Stepmother.
[DOOR SLAMS]
Hey. Um...
[SIGHS]
You know, Lucas, the things
I told you about at the museum,
about the barn elves...
You see, barn elves,
they aren't actually--
They're making the elf mad,
and no one will listen to me.
You have to help me.
Well, if it's like
you say, Lucas,
then there's only one thing
you can do.
What's that?
On Christmas Eve,
you must place
a bowl of porridge in the barn.
Porridge?
Yes, it's a food.
Porridge. You make it
out of different grains.
Oat, wheat, corn, rice.
And you cook it in milk
and water. Porridge.
I'm surprised you don't
know what porridge is.
I know what porridge is.
Yeah, now you do.
Because I explained it
to you.
Anyway,
so on Christmas Eve,
you make a bowl
of rice porridge.
Okay?
Okay.
And you put cinnamon
on top of it
and a bit of butter
in the middle.
Mm-hm.
And you place it
out in the barn.
Okay.
Okay? You see,
this is an ancient ritual.
A sacred peace offering
between humans and elves.
Would this make the elf happy?
Absolutely.
As long as the elf gets
his porridge, all will be well.
Okay.
Good.
And now you also know what
porridge is. That's a bonus.
[GRUMBLING]
[LOUD CLATTERING]
[GASPS]
[CLATTERING CONTINUES]
Call the police.
Okay. Be careful.
Uh-huh.
[DISH SHATTERS]
[GASPS]
[TWO DISHES SHATTER]
What the heck?
[ELF GRUNTING]
Huh?
[CRUNCH]
Ugh! Ow!
[SCREAMS]
Bill?
Bill.
[METALLIC THUD]
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
[FOOTSTEPS]
CAROL:
Hello?
[YELPS]
LUCAS:
Mom?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Oh, my God.
Wow. That's some party
you've had here...
that would be nice
to have been invited to.
I'm just kidding.
But it's easy to go
a bit overboard
with the alcohol
during Christmas times.
I've been there.
We've all been there.
Sure.
We're sober.
Mm-hm.
Are you actually gonna do
some police work this time?
You know,
it could be a fox.
A fox?
Yes.
If the window was open and
you had a lot of food around,
it could be.
In the house?
You have Fox News,
don't you?
[CHUCKLES]
Or it could have been
the ghost.
Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't
be joking about that.
Yes.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you
for your time.
We'll keep
all the windows closed.
Do that, okay?
And have
a peaceful Christmas.
Go easy on the booze because
of the kids and... Yeah.
You know, all that.
Absolutely. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
And don't drink and drive!
Okay.
Thank you.
[DOOR CLOSES]
A fox, huh?
That puts my mind at rest.
How about you?
[KISSES]
Bill?
Yeah?
Why do people think
the barn is haunted?
BILL:
Lutefisk.
You told me
your uncle d*ed after a fall.
Is that true?
Yeah. Yes.
[SIGHS]
What happened?
Okay.
Okay.
According to
the police report...
Mm-hm.
...he was on the second floor
of the barn...
Mm-hm.
...and he fell out of a window.
Hm.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
And accidentally
caught himself on fire.
What?
He was trying to burn
the barn down, they think.
Why would he want
to burn down the barn?
I... I don't know.
He was old and senile.
They don't have therapy here.
Why didn't you tell me?
I was a little worried
about how you'd react.
Look, it's nothing
to get worked up over.
[SIGHS]
It was just
a bizarre accident.
All I know is that it's been
one thing after another
ever since we got here.
You can't be saying
that you think
my uncle is haunting us?
We should never have come here.
Calm down.
Don't get worked up
over nothing.
Nothing?
I gave up everything
to be here.
My friends, my career.
I am worried
about the children, Bill.
Hey, they're fine.
I know they'll adapt.
I'm their father.
[CUCKOO CLOCK CHIMING]
Right.
And I'm just
the evil stepmom.
That's not--
Those aren't my words.
I didn't mean it that way.
Carol.
[HUMMING "DECK THE HALLS"]
[ELF GROWLING]
NORA:
Ugh! What is that smell?
Dinner
is served.
Here we are.
For you, ladies.
[COUGHS]
Okay.
Uh... What the f*ck is that?
Language.
It is lutefisk.
It is a traditional
Norwegian holiday dish.
It's stockfish
aged in lye for many days.
That's why the odor
is so delicious and abundant.
Old fish Jell-O?
No. I mean...
Uh, no, I'm not touching that.
That's not...
Not happening.
It's okay. We can enjoy it
without her.
[GRUNTS]
It's okay.
Don't read at the table.
Or what?
What more could you possibly do
to punish me?
It's okay.
Everybody dig in.
Hmm? Give it a try.
You don't know
till you try. Hm?
[SPITS, COUGHS]
BILL:
What's that...?
[GROANS]
Good, huh, buddy?
[GULPS]
Ahh, ooh!
Boy, just living
the Norwegian dream, huh?
This is not a dream.
This is hell,
frozen over.
Okay, not in front
of the kids.
[SARCASTICALLY]
Aww...
What happened
to Happy Vision?
BILL:
Yeah, Happy--
She still has Happy Vision.
Happy Vision is for everyone.
We all...
[SCREAMS]
f*ck Happy Vision!
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
f*ck Happy Vision.
f*ck this stupid house.
f*ck this stupid country.
f*ck it all!
[DOOR SLAMS]
Mm-hm! Hm...
[SPITS]
[GRUNTING]
What are you doing?
I was hungry.
That was for the barn elf.
Whoops.
Well, he would have
loved it.
It was delicious.
That's all the porridge we had.
That was our only chance
at having peace with the elf.
Yes, of course. Yeah.
Uh-- Uh-huh. Buddy,
we'll just have to make peace
with the elf another way.
Okay?
I brought you something.
It isn't exactly porridge,
but it's
something special, heh.
It's lutefisk.
It's really, really yummy.
Enjoy.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[GROANS]
[SNIFFING]
[GRUNTS]
[RETCHES]
[SPITS, COUGHS]
[BURPS, COUGHING]
[GROWLS]
[ROARS]
[GRUNTING]
[GROWLING LOUDLY]
RAYMOND:
Hyah! Whoa! Whoa!
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[GROWLS]
[ROLLS LIPS]
Whoa!
[GRUNTS]
Ow, ugh.
Lucas?
[IN NORWEGIAN]
Ho, ho, ho!
Where are you going?
Don't you want to go inside
and open some presents?
Lucas, don't be afraid.
It's just Santa Claus.
Ho, ho, ho.
Ah, Lucas, there you are.
Come inside.
[GRUNTS]
Whoa!
[LAUGHS]
What are you doing?
Let's go inside.
It's freezing out here.
Come on, let's go inside
and open some presents.
[GRUNTS]
[LOW GROWL]
Oh, my God.
[WHIMPERS]
Huh?
[CRACKING]
[RAYMOND GULPS]
[RAYMOND SCREAMS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]
[TV ANNOUNCER
CONTINUES IN NORWEGIAN]
Where is he? Santa should
have been here by now.
Just gonna get some fresh air.
Huh.
[THUD]
[THUD]
[THUD]
Raymond?
[THUD]
Raymond?
[LIQUID DRIPPING]
Huh?
[WHIMPERS]
We have to go.
Now.
What happened?
BILL:
Just get up.
We have to go now. Let's go!
CAROL: What happened?
BILL: Get in the car!
Go, go, go!
CAROL: Go! Go!
Go, go, go! Get in the car!
Okay!
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
Bill, what is going on?
BILL:
It's not turning over.
No, what is going on?
What's happening?
Oh! Raymond. I saw Raymond.
He was just there.
He was...
Okay.
He was there,
and he was--
Use your words!
I'm--
[THUD ON CAR ROOF]
What is that?
[STOMPING ON ROOF]
What? Oh, no.
[LOW GROWL]
[ALL SCREAMING]
Drive! Drive! Go!
What the hell is that?!
It's the elf!
[GRUNTS, SNARLING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
Do something!
The car won't turn on!
[CRIES OUT]
Turn on
the headlights!
Turn on the lights.
Yeah.
Aah!
CAROL: Run back to the house.
BILL: Go, kids, go.
As fast as you can.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Okay. We gotta call the cops.
Yeah.
Lucas was telling the truth.
It's an elf.
Maybe it's a child
who ran away from home,
headed to
a Nordic death metal festival.
It has a beard, Bill.
This isn't
a fully flushed-out theory.
[ROARING]
Oh!
Aah!
[ROARING CONTINUES]
[GROWLS]
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
[DISTANT ROARING]
Huh?
[RUMBLING FROM BARN]
[ELVES GROWLING]
[SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[ELVES CHEERING]
Aah! Oh, my God.
Aah!
[CACKLES]
BILL:
Oh, my God!
CAROL:
Come on, get up.
We've gotta go now.
Let's go. Let's go this way.
We've gotta go. Come on.
[ELF GROWLS]
Oh! Oh!
[GLASS BREAKING]
[GROWLING]
[GASPING]
[MUTTERING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GROWLING]
Leave us alone!
They don't speak English, honey.
They're Norwegian.
[MUTTERS
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[LAUGHING]
BILL: I got it.
[IN NORWEGIAN]
[GROWLS]
Huh?
Honey, I don't think
that worked.
Nope.
[GROWLING]
[GROANING]
[SCREAMS]
[GROANS]
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
[SIGHS]
Aah!
[ELVES CHUCKLING EVILLY]
Stay away, stay away!
[BOTH GROANING]
Stay back!
[GASPS]
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
[GULPS, LAUGHS]
You little mother--
[CHUCKLES]
[GROANS]
[GROWLING]
[GRUNTING]
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
[GASPS]
[NORA PANTING]
[GROWLING]
[YELPS]
BILL:
Oh, God!
[GRUMBLING]
Aah!
[SCREAMING]
[LAUGHS]
[GASPS]
Hi-yah!
[ELECTRICITY HUMS]
[WHIMPERING]
[HUMMING CEASES]
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
[PANTING]
[SQUEALS]
[GROANS]
[SHOVEL CLATTERS]
[ELVES CHUCKLING EVILLY]
[MUTTERS
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
LUCAS:
Help!
NORA:
Lucas!
[SNARLS, LAUGHS]
[NORA SCREAMS]
[MUTTERS
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
LUCAS:
I'm sorry
about the porridge.
Please don't k*ll me.
[GROWLS]
[GROWLS QUESTIONINGLY]
[SCREAMING]
[ELF GROWLS]
[GROANS]
Please don't k*ll me.
[GROWLS SHARPLY, GROANS]
You remember this?
We'll follow the rules,
I promise.
Hmph.
[SCREAMING]
Aah!
[BODY THUDS]
[ELF SIGHING, MUTTERING]
Whoa.
[PANTING]
[ELVES LAUGHING EVILLY]
Let's go!
[SNARLS]
BILL:
Nora, Lucas!
[CLAMORING]
I can't hold them
much longer!
CAROL:
Keep them out!
[GLASS SHATTERS]
Ah! No! No, no, no!
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMING]
[LAUGHS]
Get back!
[SIREN WAILING]
[ELVES SCREAM]
[SIREN WAILING CEASES]
[GASPS]
Calm down.
I'm so glad you're here.
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
It's okay.
If you could calm down
a little bit now, just...
Okay,
let's all calm down.
Yes.
Yeah.
What's going on here?
We are under att*ck.
You have to call
for backup right now.
Okay.
The nearest police station
is quite a bit far away.
It's two hours.
Maybe more now in this weather.
But who's attacking you?
Elves.
Little elves with big, long
beards and pointy red hats.
Nisser?
Very angry.
You're talking about nisser?
Nisser?
Oh, yes, yes.
The nisser, yes, yes!
Oh, okay.
Yeah, exactly. Angry.
Yeah.
Very angry.
Kids?
Okay, listen to me, okay?
BOTH: Yeah.
Nisser doesn't exist.
They're only
in fairy tales, okay?
So you can just relax.
What? They were here!
I mean,
it's a good prank, okay?
But you're drunk--
Where's your g*n?
I don't have a g*n.
What?
CAROL, NORA, & LUCAS: What?!
This is not America,
okay?
We don't run around,
sh**t people in their faces
and knees all the time.
You're not armed?
I'm armed.
Yes, I have a g*n
at the scooter.
Go get it. Go get it.
Yeah. Now.
Calm down, you crazy Americans.
It's Christmas Eve.
I have a pork belly in the oven,
and I'm watching Love Actually.
I'm at the point
where the guy is outside
with the signs, you know?
And I love that part,
so I just wanna go home now.
[SCOOTER ENGINE REVVING]
But what the heck?
[ELVES CHEERING]
[LAUGHING]
[CHEERING]
[ELF WHOOPING]
[IN NORWEGIAN]
[ALL SCREAM]
[REVVING ENGINE]
Aah!
[ELF CHEERING]
Let's go. Come on, kids!
Go, go, go! Get in.
[GRUNTS]
[STEAM HISSES,
FLUID DRIPPING]
[GROANING]
[GRUNTS]
[SQUEALS]
[BODY THUDS]
[GRUNTING]
[g*nsh*t]
[GASPING]
[GRUNTS]
Oh... Oh, God.
[GRUNTS]
BILL: Oh, no.
Is this all right?
Oh, God.
Lucas, come here, son.
Yes.
I-- I need you to do
something for me, okay?
Okay.
I was bitten.
So when I
start to change,
you have to k*ll me.
What?
You're almost a man now.
You can do this.
Oh, no, no, no.
My phone's out of battery.
BILL: You have to k*ll me.
Bill?
I can't become one of them.
CAROL: Bill.
They're not zombies.
That's not how it works.
You won't turn into
one of them.
Bill!
Huh?
Where's
your phone?
It's charging downstairs.
What about yours?
You guys took it,
remember?
[ELVES CONSPIRING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[LAUGHING]
[SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[CHATTERING]
[GRUNTS]
[QUESTIONS
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GRUNTS]
[ELVES GROWLING, LAUGHING]
[SNIFFS]
[BODY THUDS]
Whee!
[SHOUTING, LAUGHING LOUDLY]
What are they doing
down there?
CAROL:
I don't know, but it sounds like
they're having a ball.
I'm so sorry.
This is
all my fault.
After your mom d*ed...
all that you went through...
I promised myself
I would never
let anything bad
happen to you again.
And I thought moving here
was the answer.
But I was wrong.
Oh, God, I was wrong.
It's okay, Dad.
Yeah, it is okay.
It's not okay. I screw up!
I screw up,
that's what I do.
[SHOUTING, LAUGHING LOUDLY
CONTINUES]
Santa Claus is coming
Santa Claus is coming
Santa Claus is coming
[MIDTEMPO ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
You know,
it's not that bad.
I mean,
we've had worse Christmases.
Okay,
the first Christmas?
When we got stuck
at JFK?
Yeah, and we ate McDonald's
and got food poisoning.
CAROL:
Exactly.
BILL:
We took over the lavatory.
We just kept swapping out,
each one of us, heh, going in.
No one else
in the whole airplane
got to use the bathroom,
heh-heh.
Yeah. And you threw up
in my hair.
Twice.
Yeah.
What about last Christmas,
when Grandma brought
her new lover, Stefan?
Oh, God.
Stefan.
They could not keep
their hands off each other, huh?
At least you guys
didn't walk in on them.
Yes, I did.
Oh, no.
You walked in on them too?
LUCAS:
Yeah, twice.
[CHUCKLES]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Oh, take me away
[ELVES LAUGHING, SHOUTING]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
[MUSIC STOPS]
[GROANS]
[BODY THUDS]
Okay, we have to get help.
The guy at the museum lives
on the other side of the road.
You know, I don't know
if I can go anywhere.
Well, Raymond's kick-sled
is out front.
I think it's all downhill
from here.
I can make it.
I'll come with you.
Okay.
LUCAS:
Let's go, Dad.
Be careful.
BILL: Okay.
Good luck.
BILL: Okay.
[LUCAS SHOUTS]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[ELVES CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY]
[BOTH URINATING]
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTS]
BILL:
Go, go, go.
Go.
Uh... They saw us.
Let's go!
[GROWLING]
LUCAS: Dad, faster!
BILL: Go, go, go!
Come on, Dad. Faster!
CAROL: Run, run, run! Faster!
NORA: Go, Dad! Go!
[BOTH GRUNT]
Okay, we need to be prepared
in case they come for us.
Any ideas?
Fire seemed
pretty effective.
Do you have anything flammable
in your room?
I might have
a bottle of moonshine.
We need to have a talk
about that later.
But perfect.
[WHIMPERS]
They have saw blades?
Whoa.
Here they come.
[CHATTERING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GROWLING]
[SCREAMS, GROANS]
[BLADE WHOOSHES]
Whoa.
[CHATTERING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Pick up the pace!
[WHOOSHES, CLANGS]
[BOTH GASPING]
[CHATTERING]
Whoa!
I think we lost them.
Yeah.
There you go.
Okay.
Hm?
[QUESTIONING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[ANSWERS
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN DIALOGUE,
LAUGHING]
[ELVES LAUGHING]
sh*t.
[expl*si*n]
[GASPS]
[BOTH CHEERING]
[ROLLS LIPS, GRUNTING]
Hey, these things
are pretty fun.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Oh, no, no, no!
We definitely didn't lose them.
Oh, God, you're right.
Brake, brake! Brake!
BILL:
It's back for revenge!
[GROWLS]
[WHOOSHES]
[BELLOWS]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SHOUTS IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[BELLOWS]
[ELVES SCREAM]
[TRUCK HORN BLARING]
Aah--!
[BOTH GASP]
Okay?
Yeah.
BILL: Is that a house?
I think so.
Come on.
I'm so sorry.
For what?
I know you've never accepted
me as your mother.
And that you hate me.
And that's okay. I just...
You know, I just wish...
Carol,
I don't hate you.
I'm 16.
You know, I'm a teenager.
That's what teenagers do.
We t*rture our parents.
It actually just means
that I've accepted you
a long time ago.
[SOBBING]
Oh, okay.
Well, as your mother,
I just wanna say you can be
a real bitch sometimes.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Fair enough.
[THUMP]
[FIREPLACE RATTLING]
[GROWLING IN FIREPLACE]
[SNARLING]
Stay back.
Stay back, stay back.
Be careful, be careful.
Be careful, Carol.
Be careful!
Run, run! Get help!
[THUDDING INSIDE FIREPLACE]
You sure?
Yes! Get your coat. Go!
I'm right behind you,
honey. Go!
Okay.
Okay.
[ELVES SNARLING]
CAROL:
Nice elves.
Stay.
[YELPS]
Get back! Get back!
Get back, you little--
[GRUNTING]
Oh, my God.
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
[SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[NORA SCREAMS]
[WHIMPERS]
Stay back!
[ELVES SNARLING]
[ALL GRUNTING]
[GASPS]
[FABRIC RIPS, CAROL CRIES OUT]
[GRUNTS, PANTING]
[TWIG SNAPS]
[TWIG SNAPS]
[SNARLING IN TREES]
[GRUNTS]
[SCREAMS]
NORA:
Mom!
[GROWLING]
[CAROL GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
[PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Think happy thoughts.
Oh!
[GRUNTS, FARTS]
[PLAYING TUNE]
[SIGHS]
[SNIFFS]
[DOOR OPENS]
Oh, thank God.
We need your help.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Okay. What happened?
Angry elves.
Yes.
Uh... Heh, elves?
They're real.
They're trying to k*ll us.
Carol and Nora are still there.
We have to save them.
Uh...
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
BILL:
Do you think
you could wait to answer
your Christmas calls
until later?
But it's you.
May I?
Look.
You are here, so...
Hello?
CAROL: They took her.
Bill, they took Nora!
What?
I don't know where she is.
Oh, no.
I can't find her.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm sorry.
Uh...
[CAROL SCREAMING]
[CALL ENDS]
Carol? sh*t!
She's gonna be okay, bud.
She's gonna be okay, buddy.
Uh, call the policewoman
right now.
BILL:
She's dead.
The sheriff is dead.
We watched her die.
What?
Do you have a g*n?
Do you have a g*n?
No, no, no.
I don't have any g*ns.
Why doesn't anyone here
have g*ns?
Because
this isn't America.
We don't go around and sh**t
each other in the face.
You see, in Norway,
we believe in dialogue,
hearing each other, "What do
you want?" "What do I want?"
"Let's meet at the middle."
Finding solutions.
Like the Oslo Agreement.
Have you ever heard of
the Oslo Agreement?
No.
We negotiated peace
between Israel
and the Palestinian people.
Sir--
And it didn't last, but--
Okay! Thank you
for the information.
Do you have a car?
We need it.
Yes, I have.
Will you drive us to save
my wife and daughter, please?
Absolutely.
Great. Let's go.
I will just go and get
the keys in the kitchen.
Thank you.
And I need to
put on some winter clothes.
It's--
Will you please hurry up?
Yes.
BILL:
Go faster, please.
TOR:
Yes, but I have to take it
a little bit slowly...
because it's not legal to drink
and drive here in Norway.
And I have drunken
two liters of alcohol already.
BILL:
Be quiet.
They could be anywhere.
TOR:
What the m*therf*cker?
Whoa.
[EXCLAIMS]
[ELVES CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
They're real.
BILL:
They definitely are.
What on earth did you do
to make them so mad?
We broke all the rules.
TOR:
What? All of them?
LUCAS:
Yep.
Aye-yai-yai-yai.
Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai.
[GRUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
[LAUGHS]
Okay. Okay, let's go.
You think Mom and Nora
are down there?
sh*t.
BILL: Okay, careful, buddy.
LUCAS: Okay.
I-- I'm not surprised.
For hundreds of years,
humans and elves
have been friends.
We fed them,
they helped us.
I can only imagine
their frustration.
Poor elves.
Whose side are you on?
What do you mean,
"sides"?
When negotiating a peace,
it's important to
understand both sides.
Raymond is dead,
the sheriff is dead.
There's no peace.
TOR: So, what's the alternative?
We k*ll them, they k*ll us,
until there's no one left?
This isn't Detroit, Bill.
Have you ever heard of
Mother Teresa?
Okay,
shut up.
Oh, my God.
Mom!
Nora!
Lucas!
LUCAS: Nora!
BILL: Lucas!
Mom!
Honey.
Oh, my God, you're alive.
BILL: Oh, sweetie.
Untie us.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
[LOW GROWL]
CAROL & NORA: Oh, my God.
LUCAS: Oh, no, no.
[ROARS]
What, they have
g*ns now? What...?
[IN NORWEGIAN]
[GRUNTS]
My name is Tor ge.
I think if we
can sit down...
and talk to each other,
we can find a solution...
that fits both sides.
Have you heard about
the Oslo Agreement?
It's a peace agreement
between Israel--
[g*nsh*t]
[GRUNTS]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
No!
[GROANS]
[LAUGHING EVILLY]
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[ELVES SNARLING]
CAROL: Bill!
BILL: I'm trying.
CAROL:
Try harder!
I'm trying as hard as I can!
CAROL: What are you doing?
LUCAS: Mom, Dad! He's a friend!
Come on, come on, come on!
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
[GRUNTING]
Motherfuck--
[GROWLING]
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
[ELF ROARS]
Hurry!
[g*nshots]
BILL:
Why does he have
the only g*n in Norway?
Uh...
[GROWLING]
[BILL WHIMPERS]
No, no. Oh, no.
[CLATTERING]
Oh, my God.
Okay. It's okay.
[ANGRILY SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[REPLYING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[WHIMPERS]
Stay back! Stay back!
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN DIALOGUE]
[CHUCKLES]
[g*n CLICKS]
[CLICKING]
[SPEAKING IN
FOREIGN DIALOGUE]
CAROL:
Up the ladder. Quick!
Stay back!
Hurry up!
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Let's go! Let's go!
LUCAS:
Come on, Dad.
CAROL:
Nora, what are you doing?
Guys, come on. Let's go!
Come on!
I got this.
[GROWLING]
[GROANS]
We got this. You go.
[SNARLS]
Go!
Okay.
[SHOUTING OUT ORDERS
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[ALL SCREAM]
Ooh.
[HOLIDAY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHUCKLES]
Merry Christmas,
you little f*ckers.
[CHATTERS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[ELVES CLAMORING]
Oh, sh*t.
Let's go!
[BOTH SCREAM]
Whoa!
You did it!
Yeah.
Are you okay? Oh, God.
You all right?
BILL:
Oh, thank God.
CAROL:
There goes the happy barn.
BILL:
Yeah. Well...
[GROANS]
Hey, guys!
I'm fine.
No, no, no. No danger.
These guys won't harm you.
They want peace, ha-ha-ha!
Yes, I knew it.
All it took was
a little bit of dialogue,
a little bit
of mutual understanding,
and we came to
a peaceful agreement.
Right, guys?
We had a long, friendly chat--
[KICKS]
[GRUNTS]
[ELVES GRUMBLING, LAUGH]
[SIGHS]
So why are you
burning down the barn?
It was either
us or them, so...
TOR:
Poor little guy.
He's lost his home now, so...
where's he
supposed to go?
Can he live with us?
Honey,
he can't stay here.
We'd just
piss him off again.
Yeah, sorry, buddy.
Your mom's right.
[GROANING]
[GASPS]
Huh?
What?
TOR:
So here we are.
[SIGHS]
Welcome to my museum.
As you see,
really old-fashioned,
simple houses
with no electricity.
And absolutely no visitors.
So peaceful and quiet.
It's perfect for an elf.
And you're an elf.
LUCAS:
I'll see you around... friend.
[GRUNTING]
You have to promise me
you'll take good care of him.
It will be an honor.
Like 20 minutes ago, we were
all trying to k*ll each other,
but sure,
let's all be friends now.
f*ck me.
[GASPING]
Look.
What?
[IN NORWEGIAN]
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHING]
Wow.
It's happening.
It's happening. I love it here.
When all
is said and done...
this was
a pretty good Christmas.
Are you kidding?
It was a nightmare, Dad.
People d*ed.
Yes, I know, sure.
But look at us, huh?
As a family, we all bonded.
That's priceless.
Christmas
The snow's coming down
Christmas
I'm watching it fall
Christmas
Lots of people around
Christmas
Baby, please come home
Christmas
The church bells in town
Christmas
All ringing in song
Christmas
Full of happy sounds
Christmas
Baby, please come home
They're singing
"Deck The Halls"
But it's not
Like Christmas at all
'Cause I remember
When you were here
And all the fun we had
Last year
Christmas
Pretty lights on the tree
Christmas
I'm watching them shine
Christmas
You should be here with me
Christmas
Baby, please come home
They're singing
"Deck The Halls"
But it's not
Like Christmas at all
'Cause I remember
When you were here
And all the fun we had
Last year
Christmas
If there was a way
Christmas
I'd hold back this tear
Christmas
But it's Christmas day
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please, please
Please, please
Please, please
Please, please
Please
Baby, please come home
Christmas
Baby, please come home
Christmas
Baby, please come home
Christmas
Baby, please come home
Christmas
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Christmas
I need you, I need you
Christmas
Please come home
Christmas
Christmas
There's snow on the road
And it's icy cold
I can't wait
To see your face
As soon as I get home
Got the car fully packed
Filled with presents
In fact
Got a tree on the roof
Driving giddy
Like a 10-year-old
But then bang
Bang
Bang
Bang
Bang, I hear something
Oh, damn
Oh dear, oh dear
What's in my rearview mirror?
A moose or a deer, oh
I think I k*lled Rudolph
This Christmas
Christmas
Ice on the road
Blood on the snow
I think that I k*lled Rudolph
This Christmas
Ice on the nose
Red and it goes
Head, it exploded
On my hood
This ain't good
Then I'm sorry, dear Santa
I think I k*lled Rudolph
This Christmas
Christmas
I hope you can still
Find your way
Bang
Bang
Bang
Bang
Bang, I hear something
Oh, damn
[TIRES SKID, CAR CRASHES]
[SIREN WAILING]