02x14 - Dennis' Penny Collection

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dennis the Menace". Aired: October 4, 1959 – July 7, 1963.*
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
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02x14 - Dennis' Penny Collection

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[doorbell ringing]

-Oh, good morning.

-Morning, ma'am.

It's a COD, $..

-$.?

-And $., addressed

to Dennis Mitchell.

-To-- to Dennis?

-Oh, boy!

My rocket kit!

You send in your

name and address

and they send you one COD.

Mom, what does COD mean?

-Dennis!

[theme music]

-Son, your mother thought

it would be a good chance

for you and me to have a--

a little chat about all

these weird things we're

finding in our bureau drawers.

If it isn't old bottle

caps, it's oyster shells.

If it isn't oyster shells,

its old used shotgun shells.

It's just got to stop.

Now what do you say?

-OK.

-OK, what?

-OK, I'll take the fish

hooks outta your socks.

-Fish hooks in my socks?

-Don't worry, Dad.

My fish hooks are right in

this good old cigar box.

Wouldn't want to

lose any of these.

-Oh!

Why put them in my bureau?

-Because my bureau's

full of stuff.

-We're just gonna have

to figure something out.

You're getting to be

a regular pack rat.

-Gee, Dad, you sure got

a lot of pennies there.

-Yeah, I found a

real old one today.

Yeah.

.

-Don't worry.

It's worth just as

much as a new one.

-Say, that may be the answer.

-The answer to what?

-To your collecting.

Instead of this--

this junkyard, you

could use this penny to

start a penny collection.

It might be very interesting.

-Do you mean I could be a coin

collector, like Mr. Wilson?

-That's right.

We can go over to Mr. Wilson's

right after dinner tonight.

I'm sure he'd be very happy

to give you some pointers.

Would you like that?

-I'll say!

And boy, will Mr. Wilson

be happy when he learns he

has a new coin collector

right next door!

[g*nf*re on tv]

[woman screaming on tv]

MRS. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): George!

-Oh, Martha!

[whistle on tv]

-Just one more.

Please!

-No, George.

Not another one.

You've become a regular

addict to these police shows.

You're ruining your nerves.

-Well, Martha,

just let me finish

seeing Turtle Street b*at and

Dan Raven's Fourth Private Eye,

and then I'll go

straight to bed.

-And toss and turn all night.

Last night you kept telling

me to stick up my hands.

[g*nf*re on tv]

-Martha, you're right

in the line of fire.

[doorbell ringing]

-Oh, for Pete's

sake, who's that?

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Come on, in!

[g*nf*re and sirens on tv]

-I'm gonna be a coin collector.

-We've come over to ask

Mr. Wilson for some advice.

-Oh, good!

Maybe this will take his

mind off those private eyes.

George!

-Just a minute.

Turtle Street b*at's

almost finished.

Martha!

-George, you have guests.

-Oh, Mitchell.

Dennis, well, where

did you come from?

-Mrs. Wilson let us in.

-She did?

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry, Mitchell.

I tell you, these cops

and robbers stories

can really get

quite a hold on you.

Would you like to see the

finish of Turtle Street b*at?

I could turn it back o--

-George.

-Uh, oh.

Oh, I'm sorry, Martha.

[chuckling]

-Well, Mitchell, uh, uh,

what can I do for you, hm?

-Well, I found an old

penny in my change today,

and we thought we'd start a

penny collection for Dennis.

-Isn't that swell?

-Well, it's an

improvement over some

of the other collections

you've started.

Oh, a Lincoln head.

Well, in this condition,

it's worth about $ ..

You sure you don't want to

see the end of Turtle Street?

-Oh, George!

-The value of it isn't

important, Mr. Wilson.

I thought it would make

a good hobby for Dennis.

-I could be a coin

collector like you!

-Oh, well, Dennis, I'm sorry.

But you've just no idea what

you're getting yourself into.

You see, to start a real

penny collection means

finding a penny for

each of the years.

From each of the mints

for each of the years.

Why, it's a tremendous task.

If you're really

worked at it, you'd

hardly have a minute

to do anything else,

and-- I think it's a

wonderful idea, Mitchell.

I'll be glad to help him!

Ha, ha, ha.

-It will probably make an

absorbing hobby for him.

-Why, it'll keep him

occupied for years.

Ha, ha!

Oh, uh, well, I think I have a--

a couple of old penny folders

right here in the desk.

Oh, yes.

Here they are.

-Uh, I'd be glad to pay

for them, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, don't even give

it a thought, Mitchell.

Now, Dennis, yes.

You see right here?

You put your right in

that little hole, right there,

and you're off to a grand start!

There you go.

Goodbye and good luck!

-But I thought we were gonna

be coin collectors together?

-Oh, no, Dennis.

No.

Ha, ha.

Uh, th-that's one of the great

things about coin collecting.

You see, it's a one-man hobby.

-Is it fun?

-Oh, yes!

It's All kinds of fun.

Why, when you find

an penny, it's

like, uh, coming across a

beautiful flower on the desert.

Now if I were you,

I'd go right home

and start looking through all

the old pennies I might have,

right away!

-Swell!

-Uh, Dennis!

-Huh?

Oh, thanks for the

folders, Mr. Wilson.

-Thanks, very much, Mr. Wilson.

-Not at all.

-Goodnight.

Goodnight, Mrs. Wilson.

-Goodnight.

I hope Dennis' penny collection

won't be any problem to you.

-Oh, for Pete's sake, Martha.

How could a little boy

starting a penny collection

be any problem?

-You see, son, just

from the penny jar

we've found most of the

s, and some of the s.

-But how am I gonna find all

the rest of these pennies?

-Well, as I told ya, son,

part of the fun of a penny

collection is finding the

old ones in your change.

-But I don't get much change.

-Well, you can,

of course, always

look through any

pennies in my change.

-And every night

when I come home,

we'll check over my pennies.

-Also, whenever you take

bottles back to the store,

you can ask Mr. Quigley to give

you the money all in pennies.

-Say, that's right!

I'll go see Mr. Quigley

first thing in the morning!

-Aw, don't sh**t!

Don't sh**t!

I-- I didn't mean to rob you

of your pennies, Mr. Brooks.

No, no, no.

I was just wanting

to look them to help

my little friend,

Dennis Mitchell.

No, don't sh**t!

Don't sh**t!

-George!

George, wake up.

-Ugh!

-You were having a nightmare.

-Oh!

-What were you dreaming about?

-Who are my nightmares

always about?

-You mean whom, dear.

-I mean Dennis.

-That's good, take

your nerve medicine.

Ew!

Now it's Dennis and his

blasted penny collection.

You know, Martha, I have a

premonition that somehow,

some way, all of this is

going to lead to catastrophe.

-Oh, George!

-[sigh]

-Dennis and his

penny collection.

Oh, fiddle-faddle.

[glass clinking]

[clunk]

[glass clinking]

-Dennis!

What in the world are

you doing down here?

It's only o'clock!

-It's all right, Dad.

I'm just getting these

empty bottles together.

I want to get an early start.

-Dennis, you can't take

'em back to the store

until the store opens.

-But I want to check the

alleys before the store opens.

-Dennis, even the

allies aren't open yet.

Come on back to bed.

-Here's some coffee, dear.

It will make you feel better.

-Oh!

[sigh] Thank you, Martha.

Oh, I feel as though I'd

slept about minutes.

Why, I know cats in

this neighborhood who

get more sleep at

night than I do.

-I slept well.

But then, I don't get

myself all wrought up

over those silly police shows.

-Now, Martha, the only reason

I had that little dream

last night about

robbing the armored car,

is because I haven't been

getting enough exercise.

It had nothing to do whatever--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

(SHOUTING) Oh, Mr. Wilson!

-Psych!

-Now, George.

I'm sure your toast is ready.

[bottles clanging]

-Are you doing your

exercises, Mr. Wilson?

Can you touch your toes, yet?

-Well, whatever I'm

doing, Dennis, I

don't need any help from you.

-I happened to be up

early on some business,

and thought I'd say hello.

-Well, hello and goodbye.

Now, if you don't mind, I

intend to go back in the house

and lie down and try

and get some rest.

-Don't you want to know what

business I'm up early on?

-I know what business

you're up early on,

because I can see your

coaster wagon full of bottles.

-Say!

Speaking of bottles,

there's a couple

that sure seem in the way.

After I sell 'em, I'm gonna

get pennies for my collection.

-Dennis, I was planning on

returning my own bottles!

-That way, you can have an ice

cream cone any time you want,

without asking Mrs.

Wilson, huh, Mr. Wilson?

-Dennis, I can have an

ice cream cone any time--

you-- oh, here, for Pete's sake.

Take the bottles.

Let me go back in and lie down!

-Thank you.

Say!

Do you suppose there

might be an empty bottle

in that old barbecue

cabinet over there?

-All right, Dennis.

All right!

I'll give you a couple more.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson,

you sure haven't

been taking your

bottles back, very well.

-Oh, Dennis, don't lecture.

Just take the couple and go.

MRS. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):

George, what are you doing?

-For Pete's sake, Dennis.

Now you've spoiled everything.

I told Mrs. Wilson I had all

of those bottles cleared out!

-So, that's what you've been

doing with the empty bottles.

You haven't bothered to

take them back, at all.

Dennis, you can have them.

-Gee!

Thanks, Mrs. Wilson.

-Martha, I have a premonition.

I know in my bones that

Dennis' penny collection

is going to be

more trouble to me,

than-- well, than

Sherman was to Georgia!

-You want what, Dennis?

-I'd like to have the money

all in pennies, Mr. Quigley.

-What are you trying to do,

corner the copper market?

-No, sir, I'm starting

a penny collection.

-Uh, Mr. Quigley, will you ring

these up for me right away?

I'm in a hurry.

-Yes, certainly, Mrs. Henderson.

Um, here, Dennis, uh--

there you are, Dennis.

-What are these?

-Those are rolls

of pennies, Dennis.

There are pennies

in each roll.

-How do you know?

-Because the bank says so.

-Suppose they made a mistake?

-Uh, Dennis, now look.

The two rolls are

exactly the same length.

That means that there

are the same number

of coins in each roll.

-They could both be wrong!

-Dennis, believe me.

-Do you mind if I count them?

Jeepers!

pennies are a lot!

if you'll just raise up that

wooden grating, Mr. Quigley,

I'll help you find them.

-Never mind, Dennis,

I'll find them.

Now here.

That'll replace that roll.

And take them home

and count them!

And-- and if there are only

pennies in the roll,

I'll-- I'll change banks.

-No, what happened

to my loose ones?

-Oh, excuse me.

, , , , --

-I think you got two

together, there, Mr. Quigley.

-Oh, Dennis, here.

Now there are at least

pennies there.

Now please, take them and go!

-Gee, thanks, Mr. Quigley.

Jeepers!

Of all the pennies Mr. Quigley

gave me for my bottles,

you'd think we'd have

this folder full!

-Yeah.

You didn't find a single

one you could use.

-I'll just have to go back

to Mr. Quigley's and trade

these for two

other rolls, Tommy.

-Do you think he'll mind?

-Mr. Quigley?

Heck no.

Why, I give him more bottle

business than anyone in town.

-Oh, hi, Mr. Wilson!

-For heaven's sake, Dennis.

Where did you come from?

-From home.

I've got to trade these back to

Mr. Quigley for two new rolls.

-Well, Dennis,

you never just ask

a merchant to

trade your pennies.

You wait until you're

making a purchase.

-Aren't you making a

purchase, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, all right.

Here.

I'll trade them for you.

-Say!

Did I show you this

swell, dirty penny

I forgot to put in the folder?

-Oh, great Scott!

Dennis, now look

what you've done!

-You dropped it Mr. Wilson.

Don't worry, I can get it.

-Dennis, what are you doing?

Dennis, those are eggs!

For heaven sakes!

-All right, next.

A loaf of bread

and six dozen eggs.

Heh, heh!

Going on a picnic?

They're mighty good deviled.

-Oh, don't be an idiot, Quigley.

All I want's the bread.

-Well, then what are

you doing with the eggs?

-Well, uh, Dennis

is down here trying

to find a rare penny

he dropped into them.

-Oh.

-Hi, Mr. Quigley.

I found it.

-Yeah, well, all those pennies

I gave you an hour ago, you

should have found one

celebrating the Boston Tea

Party!

Now them, what about this bread?

Do you want it, for cash?

-Oh, of course.

And would you mind trading

Dennis two other rolls

of pennies for these, please?

-Don't either one of you

know where the bank is?

Oh, I'll have to get them

out of the cash box in back.

-Boy!

There's just about

the swellest, oldest,

dirtiest penny I ever saw!

[gasp]

-Dennis!

Never reach into a

merchant's cash register.

-But all I wanted to do

was look at that old penny.

-Well, I know, Dennis.

I know, that's all

you wanted to do.

But the merchant

doesn't know that.

All the merchant

knows is, that he

sees a little boy

reaching in his-- agh!

[alarm sounding]

-Now look what you've done!

-I didn't touch it!

-Oh, great Scott!

-Well!

I knew I'd catch somebody some

day with his hand in the till.

That's why I wired it!

But I didn't expect

it to be you, George.

-Oh, Quigley, get my

hand out of there!

-Well, what's it doing in there?

-I was trying to

teach Dennis never

to reach into a

merchant's cash register.

-That's a mighty funny

way to teach him.

-Oh, Quigley don't be a fool!

Dennis is working on

a penny collection,

and he saw an old

penny in your register

and he started to reach for it.

And I told him not

to, and so I reached

for it to show him he shouldn't.

And-- oh, Dennis, haven't

you got anything to say?

-I sure have.

Don't forget to change

the penny rolls.

-Oh!

Get my hand out of there!

-Well, how do you like that?

Boy, we sure went

through those in a hurry.

-There ought to be

a law that banks

have to put more old

pennies in each roll!

-Heck yes, for swell

little kids like us.

-When we go up, maybe we can get

a job at the bank, and do it.

-I'd sure like to

work at a bank.

I'd just sit there all

day and pick out pennies.

-What will we do now?

-Well, since we don't work at a

bank, yet, the only thing to do

is go down to the drugstore

for two more rolls of pennies.

-Why don't we go Mr. Quigley's?

-I think we had better

go down to the drugstore.

I'm not gonna bother Mr.

Quigley, again, until tomorrow.

-I'll be back soon as I can.

Goodbye.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

(SHOUTING) Hello, Mr. Wilson!

-You see, Martha, you see?

These premonitions

of mine always work.

I'm going back in and go to bed.

-Now, George, don't be silly.

You're a grown man.

Certainly you can

cope with Dennis.

-Oh, you're right, Martha.

You're absolutely right.

After all, he's only a little

boy with a penny collection.

I just won't let it bother me.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Could you give us a

ride to the drugstore?

We want to change these pennies.

-You could give the

boys a lift, George.

-Yes.

I'll do it.

It'll be good therapy.

I'll do better than

the drugstore, boys.

I'll take ya to the bank

-Gee, thanks!

-See ya later, Martha.

Come on, boys.

-What do we do now?

-Well, Dennis,

you and Tommy wait

right here till I

can see Mr. Matthews.

And then I'll trade

your penny rolls for you

when we get to the bank.

-Yes, sir.

-Oh, good grief!

There's Matthews

leaving his office now,

and I've got to catch up to him.

-Oh, oh, Dennis, put a

penny in the parking meter.

I'll pay ya back.

Uh, uh, Mr. Matthews!

Mr. Matthews!

-Jeepers!

Tommy, I don't have a

penny, only these rolls.

Do have one?

-Nope.

Put a penny from one of

the rolls in the meter.

-No!

We've got to keep these rolls

full or we can't trade them.

-What will we do?

-I know, we'll go into a

store, trade the rolls,

then pick out a worthless

one and put it in the meter.

Let's hurry.

-Yeah!

-Hey, here's a worthless one.

I've already got on of these.

There!

-Great Scott!

Is this a parking ticket?

-Where?

-Oh, right here.

Well, I see you put a

penny in the parking me--

-Dennis, just what

did the officer say?

-We didn't see any officer.

-We didn't even see a cop.

-Dennis, just when did you put

the penny in the parking meter?

-Just now.

Say, I'll bet that

parking cop came along

while were in the

store getting a penny.

Do you suppose that's

what happened, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh!

How is it possible to

get into such trouble

just by helping a little

boy with a penny collection?

Come on.

Get in the car!

[sigh]

-There, I have personally put

a penny in the parking meter.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

Did you notice the date on it?

-It was a .

But it was my own penny.

And it's now in the meter.

Now, boys, do you suppose you

could wait right here until I

can go into the

bank for a minute?

-Yes, sir.

-Yes, sir.

-Well, good.

And you behave yourselves, now.

-Boy, there must be a jillion

pennies in that money truck!

Come on!

Hey, do you happen to have

any pennies in your truck?

-Yeah.

-Well, I'm a penny collector.

And I'm wondering if it

would all right if we looked

through the pennies

in your truck?

-Oh, sure!

Scram kid!

-Gee, thanks!

-Great Scott!

Dennis!

Get away from there!

Run for your lives!

Since the Brook's robbery

they sh**t to k*ll.

It's said so on TV last night!

Run!

-But, Mr. Wilson.

-Come on, Dennis.

Run!

-But, Mr. Wilson, my

suspender's caught!

-Oh great Scott!

[whistle blowing]

-Oh!

[whistle blowing]

-OK, reach!

I might have known this

kid g*ng had a brain.

-Ugh.

Oh, ooh!

-Excuse me, mister.

But would you please try

to get my suspender loose?

It's caught on your door.

-Get the kid, loose, Mike.

And then we'll all take a

little trip to the station.

-Oh, Martha!

-Come on.

-Well, there are all

your personal belongings,

Mr. Wilson.

I'm glad everything was

all straightened out.

-Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

A natural mistake.

-Everything's gonna be

all right now, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, thank you, Mitchell, for

coming down to get me out.

Oh, did you get a call

through to Martha?

-Yes, I d--

-George!

-Oh, here she is now.

-Oh, George!

George are you all right?

-Yes, it's all right.

-Honey, everything's

gonna be all right.

-Take these, will you?

Fine, loyal, Henry Mitchell

came down here to release me.

-Well, actually, he was

already sprung, Mrs. Wilson.

As soon as the Mitchell

kid told us what happened,

we knew this was one

day the guy never

should have got out of bed.

-Hey, Wilson?

-Ho, ho.

Well, uh, Mooney,

where are the boys?

Are they giving

the third degree?

[running]

-Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

-Oh, my baby.

-Hi, everybody.

-You boys all right?

-Heck, yes.

Wait till I tell ya.

Chief Stewart let Tommy and me

look through a whole mountain

of pennies from all the

parking meters in town.

From my two rolls we got

some of the swellest, oldest,

dirtiest pennies you ever saw!

-Oh, you did, Dennis.

Did you find any

really old ones?

-I'll say!

We found three of these.

One for me, one for

Tommy, and one for you.

-Oh, Dennis, don't bother

Mr. Wilson with pennies now.

-Great Scott!

A D. I've been looking

for one of these for years

to complete my own

penny collection.

-You see, Mr. Wilson?

I told you we could be good

coin collectors together.

I'll come over tomorrow and

we'll get started on nickles.

Mr. Quigley's got

a cash drawer full!

-Mr. Quigley?

Oh, no.

You have the keys, Martha.

Take me home.

[theme music]
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