01x09 - Dennis Sells Bottles

[bunniefuu]

-My dad can open pickle
jars that nobody else

in the whole world can open.

-My dad made one
of our good spoons

go down the garbage disposer.

-Yeah?

Well, my dad can wear holes in
his socks faster than anybody

that my mom ever saw.

-My dad can cr*ck his knuckles.

-My dad drives a
four-door sedan.

-My dad's car has
four headlights.

-My dad can shave
standing on one foot.

-My dad has a $ gold piece.

-My dad is rich!

-Aw, come on.

-He has so much money
that he gives it away.

I heard him tell mom
he was sending checks

to every Tom, d*ck,
and Harry in town.

[theme music]

-Alice!

What's this bill from
Detwiler's Department Store?

-What does it say?
-I don't know.

I can't read it.

They always manage to get
the amount clearly enough,

but what you're paying
for is a mystery.

I think it's a store
policy to keep customers

from knowing what
their wives buy.

-Let me see.

-It says one dozen golf balls.

-Uh, honey, that television
set's got to be fixed.

-I don't play golf.

-I know, honey.
Uh, that television--

-Dennis doesn't play golf.

-Honey, I know.

-I wonder who around
here could have

bought one dozen golf balls.

-Oh, I could tell you,
but my mother always

said, "Son, never talk with
your mouth full of crow."

-Your mother is a
very wise woman.

-Seriously though, honey,
the bills this month

are just fierce.

Doctor, dentist,
lights, water-- there's

even a two-months bill here
from the Quigley Grocery Store.

-Well, how did that happen?

-Oh, last month's
bill got jammed

in the back of the drawer.

I overlooked it.

-I'm afraid there's
something else

you don't even know about yet.

-What's that?

-I've lost my engagement ring.

Honey, I'm just think about it.

-Here in the house?

-Well, I remember putting it
up on the sink last night when

I started to do
the dinner dishes

and it must have
gone down the drain.

-Well, I'm not paying a
plumber to come and get it out.

I'll, I'll borrow a
wrench from Mr. Wilson

and check the drain myself.

-I'm home!

Hey Dad, the mailman
left a letter for you.

-If it's another bill,
I'll sh**t myself.

-sh**t yourself?

-He's only fooling, Tommy.

-Dennis, have you seen
my engagement ring?

I've lost it somewhere.

-No, Mom.

I haven't seen it.

-Now this is what
I've been looking for.

"Harassed by creditors?

Haunted by overdue bills?

Borrow in confidence from
the Sincere Loan Company."

I'm gonna put this right up
here where I can find it easily.

-Speaking of
finding, I think I'll

go upstairs and
look for my ring.

-Oh honey, while
you're up there,

you might as well
change your clothes.

We'll be heading for
downtown pretty quick.

-Do you need money, Dad?

-I sure do.

-But I thought we were rich.

I always felt rich.

-Well, in the way you
mean it, son, we are.

-See?

-But not where
money is concerned.

There, we're a long,
long way from being rich.

-I knew it.

-That's why I have to work
my fingers to the bone.

If I didn't, we'd
lose the house.

-You mean like
Mom lost her ring?

-Uh, no.

You see, Dennis, the
bank owns the house

and if I don't keep
up the payments,

well, they'll take
it away from us.

-Jeepers.

-The same thing is
true with the car.

-How about the TV set?

-Well, the store
could take that.

We make payments to them, even
though it only works about half

the time.

-Boy, I'd hate to
lose that TV set.

-You can help me keep
up the payments, Dennis.

-I can?
-Certainly.

You're a very important
member of this family

and, well, you can help me by
not wasting food, turning out

lights when you leave the
room, things like that.

-I'm gonna help
you all I can, dad.

And from now on, if Mom
puts it on my plate,

I'm even gonna eat liver.

Do you know what we're gonna do
while Mom and Dad are downtown,

Tommy?

We're gonna make some
money for good ol'

Dad by selling bottles.

-You're gonna give
the money to your Dad?

I'd keep it.

-That's 'cause you're
just a little kid.

I'm a very important
member of this family

and Dad needs my help.

We're so poor, we're
right down to our bones.

-Jeepers, only two?

-Let's look in the refrigerator.

-They're all full.

The bottles aren't
worth anything full.

-That's all you know.

I'm gonna start up
a root beer stand.

I'm gonna make so much
money that I'll probably

take Dad downtown and
buy him a new car.

-How much you gonna
charge for root beer?

-A penny for all you can drink.

-You won't make
much money that way.

-Tommy, you just don't
understand business.

Root beer!

Delicious root beer for sale!

Root beer!

-Hey!

Here comes dumb old Margaret.

-Hello, Dennis.

Do you wanna play house
with me and the children?

-Don't bother me while I'm
at the office, Margaret.

-You got any money
in that purse?

-Sure, you want it?

-No, I'd just like to
sell you some root beer.

-How much is it?

-A penny for all you can drink.

-OK.

Here you are.

More.

-That's all you can
drink for a penny.

-Who said so?

-I said so, that's who!

-I don't know if we'll
get married or not, Dennis

Mitchell.
You'll make a terrible father!

-You'll be a pretty
crummy mother

if you go around hitting
people over the head

with your children!

You wanna buy some
more root beer?

-No!
-Nyeah.

-Hello, Dennis.

Hello, Tommy.

-Hi, Mrs. Elkins.

You wanna buy some root beer?

-He's earning money
to help his dad.

-Oh, I'm sure Mr. Mitchell
doesn't need Dennis' help.

-Sure he does.

He told me so.

-Dennis is helping
pay off the TV set

so the store won't take it back.

-Oh, Tommy.

How much is your root beer?

-A penny for all you can drink.

-Well, you won't make
very much money that way.

-Yes he will.

You don't know Dennis.

-How much do you
think I can drink?

-About that much.

That's all I'll give.

-Well, all right.

I think that's about
a nickel's worth.

-Thank you, Mrs. Elkins.

Here you are.

-Thank you.

-You know, Tommy,
I don't see why

Dad's having such a tough time.

It's easy to make money.

-Gee, I'm sorry, Mr.
Mitchell, but there's not

a chance of finishing
your car before : .

- : ?

-Henry, and we have a
dozen errands to run.

-Well, I'll tell ya,
my son brought his car

in for a lube job.

You could use that
this afternoon.

-Say, we'd sure appreciate it.

-Well, there she is.

-Oh, I'm afraid we
couldn't possibly--

-Uh, what time did you say your
hair appointment was, honey?

-That's what I was saying I'm
afraid we couldn't possibly

make my hair appointment
unless we used your car.

-Welcome to it.

The keys are in the dash.

-Thanks a lot.

Be it ever so humble, there's
no place like transportation.

-Just in case we see
anybody we know, slink

way down in the seat
so they won't see us.

[fabric ripping]

-Doggone it, I tore my jacket.

-Oh well, that coat was ready
for the Salvation Army anyhow.

-Say, Mr. Mitchell, you may not
have noticed that sharp place

in the door when you got in.

Watch it or you could
tear your clothes.

-Thanks a lot.

I'll watch it.

-There we are.

Here are your
peaches, Mrs. Burns.

-All right.

-Hi, Mr. Quigley, Mrs. Burns.

-Oh, hello, Dennis.
Tommy.

-Keep away from the
bananas, Dennis.

-You always say that to
me, don't you Mr. Quigley?

-I sure do.

-Is that on account of the
time I unzipped them for ya?

-That's right.

I was out back in the storeroom.

Couldn't have been gone
more than two minutes.

When I came back, he'd taken
the skins off about bananas.

-I thought they'd sell faster.

-They did.

Your father bought them.

Now Dennis, don't
bother me while I'm

waiting on Mrs. Burns.

-OK.

-Anything else, Mrs. Burns?

-Uh, no.

Oh yes, a dozen eggs.

And you can just
put all these things

on my account, Mr. Quigley.

-Dozen eggs.

-Dennis, if you'll carry
this bag to my car for me,

I'll give you a nickel.

-I don't think I'd
do that, Mrs. Burns.

-Why not?

-With Dennis, something
always goes wrong.

-Oh, nonsense.

Dennis, you want to
earn that nickel?

-Sure I do!

My dad needs the
money so they won't

take our TV set away from us.

-They could even lose
their house and car.

-What?

-Oh-ho.

Come on, Dennis, I'm in a hurry.

-Yes, Mrs. Burns.

MR. QUIGLEY
(OFFSCREEN): I told you.

-Whoops.

-It's your own fault.

You shouldn't have
put the eggs on top.

-I think some of them
got broke a little.

-There's some yellow coming out.

-I'll, uh, give you a new box
and carry your bag out myself.

-Goodbye, boys.

-Bye, Mrs. Burns.

-Don't touch anything.

-I guess he didn't
mean these eggs, Tommy.

Let's pick them up for him.

Hand them to me, Tommy.

You might drop them.

Careful.

Careful now.

-Well, boys, we meet again.

What are you doing
with those eggs?

-We picked them up
for Mr. Quigley.

They got dropped 'cause
he put them on top.

-Oh?

-Mr. Quigley's carrying Mrs.
Burns' package out for her.

-I wanted the job,
but he got it.

She's paying a nickel.

-Well, things must be a
little slow for Mr. Quigley.

-I think he's broke like my dad.

-Oh, Dennis.

How's your mother?

-Not so good.

She lost her engagement ring.

-Oh, what a shame.

-Oh hello, Mrs. Elkins.

Dennis, what are you
going with those eggs?

-I'm holding them for ya.

-Well, hold still.

You might drop them.

-Mr. Quigley, don't
get so excited.

-I always get excited
when he comes in.

When I was a young man, I
drove a nitroglycerin truck

in the Texas oil fields and
I was cool as a cucumber,

but five minutes of Dennis
and I'm a total wreck.

Now, what was it
you wanted, Dennis?

-I got six pop
bottles in my wagon

and I want to turn them in to
get $ . to give to my dad

'cause he needs the money.

-All right, all right.

I'll give you your $ .
and get you out of here.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

-Hey, Mr. Quigley, you
busted a couple of eggs.

-I know.

-Did you see that, Tommy?

Mr. Quigley was putting
those bottles on the counter

and he busted a couple of eggs.

-I guess he didn't see them.

-Did you see those
eggs, Mr. Quigley?

You put them there.

-For $ . , I'd sell this store
and buy a nitroglycerin truck.

Here, here's your money.

Now run on home.

-For $ . ?

-For $ . .

Well, what are you waiting for?

-I'm trying to make up my
mind about buying your store.

-See what I mean?

He drives me out of my mind.

-Oh, you boys better
run along home now.

-OK.

Bye, Mr. Quigley.

-Goodbye, goodbye.

-Bye, Mrs. Elkins.

-Goodbye.

-I'll be back
later if I can find

some more bottles to sell ya.

My dad needs all
the money I can get.

Bye!

-Bye!

-I want a bottle of
cider vinegar, Quigley.

-Oh, I'll get it, Mrs. Elkins.

-I wonder what all that talk was
about his father needing money.

-I don't know.

Dennis said something about
repossessing the TV set.

-That's hard to believe.

-And the other boy
mentioned the bank

foreclosing on the
house and the car.

-The Mitchells?

-Say, come to think
of it, they haven't

paid their last month's bill.

They don't pay it
pretty soon, I'll

have to cut off their credit.

-You just never know, do you?

Charge it.

MR. QUIGLEY (OFFSCREEN):
All right, Mrs. Elkins.

Bye.

-Bye.

[car approaching]

[car backfiring]

[car backfiring]

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

Oh yes, Mrs. Elkins.

-I wondered if you'd
heard about the trouble

the Mitchells are in.

Well, let me tell you.

They're driving an old
wreck because the bank has

repossessed their
car and Mr. Quigley

is about to cut of their credit.

And little Dennis is
out selling bottles

so they won't lose their TV set.

Why, you've never seen such a
brave little boy in your life.

-Why, I just can't believe it.

-Oh, well that isn't all.

Mrs. Mitchell has lost
her engagement ring.

She's probably pawned it.

-Well, I'm just going
to have to go over

there and see for myself.

I've always thought
of them as one

of the pillars of the community.

-Well, what do you think?

-Well, I don't
know Mr. Mitchell.

I think I'd better take
it back to the store.

It's too big a job to do here.

-OK, if you have to.

Honey, I'm going next door
and borrow that pipe wrench

from Mr. Wilson.

-All right, dear.

When will we get it back?

-Oh, not for a couple
of days, anyway.

Don't get up, Mrs. Mitchell.

I can make it all right.

-Well, bring it back
as fast as you can.

Our little boy will miss it.

-You're taking their TV
set back to the store?

-Yes ma'am, had to do it.

-Oh, what a shame.

-Yeah, the little
boy's gonna miss it.

[doorbell]

-Oh, Mrs. Holland.

-I just happened to
be in the neighborhood

and I thought I'd
drop by and say hello.

-I'm so glad you did.

Won't you come in?

Henry will be right back.

He just went next door to the
Wilson's to borrow something.

-I hope I haven't
come at a bad time.

-Oh, not at all.

I was just mending
Henry's old coat here.

We're going to give it
to the Salvation Army.

-Of course.

-Could I get you
something cold to drink?

-Why, thank you.

Yes.

-You come right in and sit down.

I won't be a moment.

We're going to have
to speak to Dennis.

There isn't a cold
drink in this house.

-I just bought six
bottles yesterday.

Yes sir, that boy's gonna have
to have a little talking to.

-Well, come on in and say
hello to Mrs. Holland.

She just dropped
by for a minute.

-Oh.

It's so nice of you to
drop by, Mrs. Holland.

-Well, I'm glad I
caught you home.

-You'll have to
pardon the way I look.

I was just about to do
a little plumbing job.

-Of course.

-I could get a
plumber, you know,

but a penny saved
is a penny eared.

-Believe me, I understand.

-Why don't we all sit down?

-Yeah.

-I'm sorry I can't give you
that cold drink I offered you,

but our cupboard
seems to be bare.

-Oh my dear, don't give
it another thought.

Mr. Mitchell, may I
ask you a question?

-Certainly.

-Well, let us say that a
young couple with a little boy

are in financial difficulty.

Now, do you think that they
should forget their pride

and accept charity from
their friends and neighbors?

-Well, it would
seem to me that that

would depend on the
actual circumstances

of this hypothetical couple.

-We're home!

-In here, Dennis.

-This is not a hypothetical
couple, Mr. Mitchell.

Their little boy just
entered this room.

-Hey Dad, have I got
a surprise for you.

-Not now, Dennis.

-But Dad, it's very important.

-Dennis, not now.

-Are you sure of your
facts, Mrs. Holland?

-We know, Mrs. Mitchell.

In spite of their putting up
a very brave front, we know.

-Well, in that case, I'm sure
every member of the family

would be grateful for
any help that's given.

-You mean you wouldn't mind if
we brought a few things here

during the next few days?

-We'd be happy to volunteer our
house as a collection center.

-Oh, thank you, Mr. Mitchell.

That was very delicately put.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must
go mobilize the neighborhood.

-Mom, can I have
something to eat?

I'm starving!

-Oh, that boy.

He's always hungry.

-Oh, I'll hurry just
as fast as I can.

-I think this is a wonderful
thing you're doing.

-In this town, we always take
care of our own, Mrs. Mitchell.

Goodbye.

-Goodbye, Mrs. Holland.

-Goodbye.

-Hey, what's going on here?

-Not now, dear.

Uh, Tommy, I just remembered--
your mother called

and she wants you
to come right home.

-OK, Mrs. Mitchell.

Bye, Dennis.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Bye, Tommy.

-Bye.

-Poor little tyke.

-I'm amazed.

I was talking with Mrs.
Anderson only yesterday.

She seemed so cheerful.

-Honey, Mrs. Holland isn't
one to jump to conclusions.

-Hey Dad, guess
what I got for you.

$ . !

I've been selling root
beer and empty bottles.

-So that's what happened
to the root beer.

Well, Father, do your duty.

[henry clears throat]

-I did it for you, 'cause I
know you needed the money.

-Oh.

Don't you lay a
hand on that child.

-Well, you couldn't
have been more right.

They're being very brave but
they're almost penniless.

-Well, I'm going to
call everybody I know.

We'll put the Mitchells
back on their feet.

-Well, I'm going to phone too.

We'll get clothing,
canned goods, everything.

You know something?

It's rather fun to
be helping someone

who isn't a, a Fiji Islander.

-It's awfully nice of you to
give up your Sunday afternoon

to bring these things over.

-I'm glad to do
it, Mrs. Mitchell.

-My, the neighborhood
certainly has been generous.

-Yes, they certainly have.

Is Mr. Mitchell home?

-No.

He's over at the
club playing golf.

-That seems a little peculiar.

-He always plays golf of Sunday.

Dennis usually tags along.

-Well, I'm glad
circumstances haven't

forced him to
change his routine.

Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon.

Wonder what's the
matter with him.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): We're home!

-In here.

-Hi.

-Oh, honey, good news.

I found my ring in
the clothes hamper.

What happened to your eye?

-It's black and blue.

It's the best one I ever saw.

-Let me see.

Oh!

Henry, how did it happen?

-Tommy's dad did it
in the clubhouse.

-Mr. Anderson was
out playing golf

while his family's going hungry?

-I was just about to
walk up and tell him

off when he walked up to me.

-What did he say?

-He said, "Mitchell,
don't you think

a man ought to provide for his
family before he plays golf?"

I said, "I certainly
do, Anderson."

-Boy, Dad and Tommy's dad were
looking at each other so fierce

they were practically
touching noses.

-And then he said to
me, "Mitchell, don't you

think that a man who plays
golf under these circumstances

is taking advantage of his
friends and neighbors?"

And I said,
"Frankly, Anderson, I

think a man like
that's a parasite."

Then he said to me,
"Well, what do you think

ought to happen to
a man like that?"

-And I said, "I think someone
ought to punch him in the eye!"

-And you were right, son.

-Gee, was I?

I didn't even know what
we were talking about.

-I'm just about to
haul off and sock him

when he hit me in the eye.

-No!

-I was gonna hit him back,
but the fellows held us apart.

[doorbell]

-Boy, everybody was
so mad at Mr. Anderson

that they started
slapping him on the back

and making him smoke cigars.

-Oh, hello, Mrs. Holland.

-I heard about your eye and
I must say, you deserved it.

-What?

-Out at the club playing golf.

-What's the matter with that?

-You were playing golf
while your neighbors were

feeding and clothing
your family.

You want to know what I think?

I think you're
pretty contemptible.

-But, but, Mrs.
Holland-- Honey, she

seems to think we're
the needy family.

-Well, where would she
get an idea like that?

-From me!

I told her what you said
about you being poor.

I've been telling everybody.

-Oh, that's terrible.

-No it isn't.

Remember when you were in
the shower room putting

the cold towel on your eye?

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): Yes?

-I took up a collection
for us in the locker room.

But they made me promise to
give it to Mom instead of you.