03x05 - Sex, Lies and Yellow Tape

[bunniefuu]

Emilio, come here, baby.

I got the pool.

Forget the pool.
I pay you more for this

than for cleaning the pool.

Oh.

Take it easy. There’s no prize
for finishing first.

So, what do you want?

Go slow. The only time
you people hurry

is when you’re making love
or getting drunk.

Oh...

That’s good.

That’s nice.

Make it nice.

Today’s a special day for me.

: is your interview
with the herald.

You’ve gone over the list

of possible
trick questions?
Yep.

: we’re back here
for a photo sh**t

and dialogue with
former Mayor Brinkstead.
Uh-huh.

Here’s a short bio of his
accomplishments while in office

and what he’s been
up to since,

but we can
review it in the car.

You conniving bitch.

I beg your pardon?

Not you, not you.

We have a strategy meeting
in minutes.

You handle it.

( Sighing )

( Phone ringing )

( Moaning )

Please leave a message...
I’ll call you back.

Alex, this is George Donovan.

What are you doing?

Pigs will damn well fly before I
give you a dime, you slut.

Oh...

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Rita:
Anyone who makes their living
on Madison Avenue

Hawking products from perfume
to jumper cables

knows sexual fantasy
equals volume sales.

A beautiful smile,
a chiseled chest,

a lingering visual caress
of tantalizing flesh.

It’s the sizzle, not the steak

that makes
the buyer’s mouth water.

In palm beach, sex sells fast.

And the price tag can be deadly.

...that squad car wasn’t
stolen from under my nose

it was yours.

It wasn’t
under my nose.

And if you hadn’t

distracted me...

Distracted you?

I was grappling
with a -pound drunk.

He was a moose.

Yeah, I thought that
was the end of both of us.

If I weren’t sleeping
with chief Barnett

it would
have been.

I miss it.

I do, too.

Part of them.

The rest

I could
forget.

I’ve wanted to ask you...

I know
what it is.

When I got involved
with the chief

my eyes were open.

Whatever
my morals

it takes two
to have sex.

But I’m the one
the department hung out to dry.

I’m the one they crucified.

I wish I’d helped you more.

You did enough.

You’re the only friend I had
who didn’t turn away from me.

That means
a lot.

It’s still not behind you.

Not when I have to look
in the mirror every morning.

How do you forget
having to turn tricks

to pay
the rent?

You turned your life around.

You are
famous.

Yeah, I wrote a book.

I had my minutes.

You wrote several,
and best sellers.

You mean
the first one.

Ex-cop turned
ex-hooker bares soul.

The second two didn’t sell.

I had to beg
my publisher to take the one

I’m working
on now.

What’s it about?

Kiss and tell, what else?

What I did is what I do.

You’re a victim
of your own success.

Success is a crock.

If I could be a cop again

I’d give up
all the toys.

That quick.

Well, maybe not all the toys.

Alex, this is crazy.

I just don’t understand it.

It’s simple.

Give me $,

you won’t be

in the book.

You don’t, those pages
I sent your office

are going to be in there
for all the world to see.

I don’t have money like that.
I’m a city employee.

Your campaign account?

That money isn’t mine.

Wrestle with your conscience,
you’ve done that before.

Alex!

If you print that, I’m
ruined, my career is gone.

The election,
my marriage.

How is Andrea?

Still the
trusting homebody?

I could have you
arrested for blackmail.

But you won’t.

Why like this?
You don’t need the money.

Why don’t you just
publish the damn book?

It’s more personal
this way, George.

I can watch
you grovel.

Bitch.

Lipschitz:
Lorenzo?

Yeah?

Where is
the Russo case paperwork?

Wait, Russo ca...
You said end of the week.

I said that?

I need it.

See who
the dolphins drafted?

No.

They’re as big
as buildings.

It’ll take a t*nk
to bring them down.

I’m telling you,
it’s going to be

Csonka days all
over again.

What’s wrong?

Why?

You hate
football.

You must have
something on your mind.

Come here.

Come on, come on, come on.

I have this friend...

Arthur.

Okay, Arthur.

Arthur’s become afraid
that certain, uh...

Changes associated
with stress and age

are affecting his body.

Uh-huh, what
kind of changes?

Inevitable changes

he hopes
aren’t so inevitable.

Uh...

His sexual potency.

Just afraid?

He’s very concerned.

He should be.

I’m... Arthur’s friend

and I remembered.

What?

That stuff
you talked about?

The oriental potion
with amazing restorative powers?

Potion with...
We talked about this?

Turns jell-O
into petrified wood?

Ah, that potion!

The name.

The name!

It starts
with "Y," it’s yah...

Yeah.

No, yo-- yohimbe.

Yohimbe.

Very expensive,
difficult to find.

Never used
it myself.

Got a friend who
absolutely swears by it.

Thank you,
Lorenzo.

About the
Russo paperwork...

Russo, Schmusso,
am I in a hurry?

End of the week is fine.

All right.

( Phone ringing )

Alex dale’s
office.

Jason, it’s for you.

Yes.

Jason.

Boss man wants his money, pal.

Don’t force me
to remind you again.

Yeah, I understand.

( Dial tone )

I’ll tell her.

We’re hoping
to work this out.

Yes, I’ll speak to her.

I heard.

Don’t repeat yourself.

They canceled the contract.

We didn’t deliver on time.
And they backed out of the deal.

They didn’t want it anyway.

If we send it
we can still get the sale.

I’m not finished.

We need
the money.

As your business manager,

I’d like to go
forward with this.

Not until I’m done.

The manuscript doesn’t
need more editing.

Be done
with it.

Who’s the boss here?

Am I working
for you?

You didn’t have
to speak to her like that.

How should I speak to her?

All sweet and cuddly

like you do?

When’s the last
time you spoke

like that
to me?

Don’t start
this again.

We were so good together.

We made the earth move...

Stars shine in the sky.

What would it take

to pick up
where we left off?

Don’t.

No changing
your mind?

Do you know
what this is?

A pattern of financial
irregularities.

Evidence you’ve been
skimming my money.

I brought in an auditor
and he’ll confirm

unless you
change your mind.

Lauren:
Assembly
chairman Holden Burnett.

It’s urgent.

Mmm, yes,
extremely urgent.

You won’t
forget now...

Lover.

Yes?

How much you want
for this trash?

What I’d really like

I’d have to cut off myself,
chief.

But I’ll settle
for lots of money.

The man they
sent out

said the pool liner
is leaking.

It should
be replaced.

All right.

He’s giving me
a quote on Thursday

is there anything
I should ask him?

No, take care of it.

Where are you going?

I have an appointment with
several campaign contributors.

Can’t you cancel?

Of course not.

Could
you try?

I barely get
to see you anymore.

Andrea, I don’t want to argue.

This is important.

And I’m not?

What about your son?

When was the last
time you spent
an hour with him?

I don’t want to
hear this right now.

You don’t want
to hear this?

What’s the matter
with us?

We’re like strangers.

We talked
about this before.

We decided I’d run.

I told you what to expect.

Is it another woman?

No.

No.

Don’t wait up.

This is what I was
going to do just now.

I’m being blackmailed, Andrea.

I didn’t want to hurt you.

Maybe it’s better
if you know the truth.

Years ago I had a one-night
stand with a policewoman.

We were working on a case,
you and I had problems.

It just happened.

Why didn’t you tell me?

I was... I am ashamed.

Now she wants $,

or she goes public.

I don’t know

what to say.

I’m sorry.

So am I.

Can you forgive me?

I was always
afraid of this.

Andrea...

I’ll see you
in the morning.

It’s Alex, isn’t it?

You’re thinking about her.

It’s not
what you think.

What do I think?

I saw her with you.

She knows
about the money.

Are you sure?

She has evidence.

She brought in an auditor
to confirm it.

I’m dead.

( Rings doorbell )

( Tires squealing )

Alex?

Alex!

Oh, my god.

Freeze.

Don’t sh**t,
don’t sh**t.

Go ahead.

( Smothered crying )

I hope you’re
at peace, Alex,

wherever you are.

You okay?

Yeah.

You go home.

I’ll take care
of this.

No, I’ll be fine,
really.

You sure?

Yeah.

How many sh*ts?

It was six.

Close range.

k*ller with an attitude, huh?

Or an axe to grind, yeah.

Was it forced entry?

Place was trashed

but not searched.

I think they trashed it

to make it look searched.

If someone wanted us
to think robbery

they didn’t do very well.

A good burglar
would have gotten

that computer.

Yeah.

What do you think, cover up?

It’s too soon to tell.

Boy, was I glad
to see you two.

I was almost shot.

I’m sure it wasn’t
that close, George.

What were you
doing here?

I came to see Alex
on campaign business.

Alex?

She didn’t want
wrong-way Conroy

getting a second term.

She wanted to give me
her support.

Alex was going
to support you?

Yes, we go back a long way.

All right.

Walk us
through it, George.

I got here
about an hour ago.

Nobody answered the door.

I knew
Alex was here

because she
expected me.

I came around
to the back patio door.

It was open.

Saw they had torn the place up.

I came in and there she was.

Anybody else here?

No.

You’re treating me
like a suspect.

We’re trying to find out
what happened.

We ask questions

try to build

a prosecutable case
to make the D.A. Look good.

I told you
everything I know.

Do you need me
for anything else?

No.

We’ll call you.

Fine.

I’ll be at home.

He’s feeding us a line.

Alex hated George.

She would never have
voted for him.

But why would
George lie?

Exactly, why would he?

When the cops got here

George was standing
over the body, right?

Yeah.

So who called
and reported the m*rder?

It’s a hell
of a question.

Those two worked
for Alex.

It was not
all fun and games.

We should see what
they have to say.

Why don’t we do this
boy-girl, boy-girl?

What?

How did I know you were
going to say that?

Mr. Lyons,
hi, I’m Sergeant Lance.

Could you step
over here, please?

Can you tell me anything
that might explain

what happened?

I can’t imagine.

The way it looks,
it looks like a burglar.

Yes, it does, doesn’t it?

Okay, anybody who might
have held a grudge?

This is Alexandra Dale
you’re talking about, sergeant.

She wrecked more reputations
than Watergate.

All right, that’s it.

My half of the phone records

say that Alex never
called Donovan.

I’ve got
the same thing.

Only I do have calls
to the deputy mayor’s office

the city clerk

and a former boss
of ours

ex-police chief

Holden Burnett.

Now chairman
of the county assembly.

Maybe she was dabbling
in politics.

No.

She had already
dabbled there.

I think she dabbled everywhere.

Why is it when a man
sleeps with a lot of women,

he becomes a stud.

A woman sleeps
with a couple of guys

and she’s
a slut.

Because men made the rules.

At least you’re honest about it.

You don’t suppose Alex
and these guys were still...

No, whatever attraction
they held for her

had become hatred

with a capital "H."

Burnett, too?

Especially Burnett.

Yeah, he seems like a guy
who would be easy to dislike.

It wasn’t that way
in the beginning.

She was head over heels
for the guy.

I never could understand it.

He gave me the creeps.

But Alex did always march
to her own drummer.

What happened?

He turned on her.

She became a liability.

There were charges
brought against her

and she was kicked off
the force.

You saying the charges
were trumped up?

According to Alex, they were.

You believe her?

Yeah, I do.

She never lied to me.

Okay.

Why do you think

Alex was calling these guys
she hated so much?

Blackmail?

Knowing Alex and how much
she wanted to get even

I wouldn’t put it past her.

There’s something about Alex
I never understood.

Don’t get me wrong, but...

There were always
more attractive women than her

sexier, nicer bodies,
or whatever.

But she was
always the one

beating
the guys away.

Your problem is

you’re thinking of her
in comparative terms.

How should I
think of her?

As a force of nature.

The embodiment of pure,
unadulterated sexuality.

When Alex was around,
you didn’t stand a chance.

She just...

Sucked the resistance
right out of you.

Don’t tell me that...

You may not want to hear this,
but Alex had the hots for me.

Did she get you?

No.

Wiser heads advised me to run,
and I listened.

Shortly after,
the scandal hit.

She left
the department.

There may be a speck
of moral fiber

left in you
after all.

Kills you, doesn’t it?

Mr. Burnett, I’m Sergeant Lance,
this is Sergeant Lorenzo.

We’d like to ask you
a few questions, sir.

In private.

Excuse me, ladies.

See you
at the meeting.

I can give you five minutes,
sergeants.

What’s this about?

Phone calls
from Alex Dale.

I never received
a call from her.

Check with my girl,
she keeps the log.

It came through
your private line.

Maybe she called
a member of my staff.

Why would she call
on your private line?

I don’t know,
and I don’t care.

I just know
I didn’t talk to her.

We’re investigating
the possibility

Alex Dale may have been
blackmailing important men

with whom she had been
intimately involved.

The woman was a tramp.

I was never intimate
with her.

And she wasn’t
blackmailing me.

I still have close ties
to the department, sergeants.

Think about that
before you try to link me

with Alex dale’s
m*rder.

Your time’s up.

Oh, we didn’t get
our full five minutes.

( Door opens )

There’s $,
in the briefcase.

I took it from
the campaign account.

I want you
to put it back.

I don’t understand.

I was being blackmailed.

Now I’m not.

That’s all
you need to know.

All I need to know?

George, I am
your campaign manager.

I am accountable
to the people backing you.

I must be apprised
of everything.

Every move you make

every word you utter in public

I need to know about in advance.

All right?

Okay.

Now about this blackmail.

Have the police been informed?

I’m meeting with them
this afternoon.

I’m going
to tell them everything.

I don’t think
we want to do that.

Who else knows about it?

Just Andrea.

What about the blackmailer?

She’s dead.

Alex Dale?

Yeah.

Ooh, I guess
we just dodged a b*llet.

Well, the best thing
for us to do is nothing.

And not a word
to the police.

Yeah.

( Beeps horn )

Hey.

( Beeps horn )

You’re in my spot.

( Grunts )

You’ve been warned,
amigo.

Next time it’s worse.

Donovan:
I lied to you
because I was ashamed.

You’re my friends.

So you didn’t
see anything.

Uh, there
was a car.

I heard it,
I didn’t see it.

A neighbor mentioned
a car, too.

Said it might have been
a convertible.

Anything else, George?

Nothing.

If you want a list of suspects

get her manuscript.

If she was
blackmailing me

she was probably making her way

through
the list.

This has gone far enough.

First you harass
councilman Burnett.

Now you’re trying
to tar my candidate.

Consider your source,
sergeant.

An ex-hooker with a grudge.

We should leave,
you’ve said enough.

Makes you wonder
whose side she’s on.

She answered that question.

The one she hasn’t is why.

Yeah.

Seal’s broken.

Somebody’s inside.

Police! Don’t move!

It’s me, Jason Lyons.

What happened to you?

Accident.

I’d say the walking kind.

Breaking a police seal
is a felony offense.

I’m sorry about that.

I had to get
these papers.

What kind of papers
would be that pressing?

Jason:
Records for the estate.

Estate records, huh?

Looks like
you were transferring

$,
from Alex’s account.

This looks like B. And E.

For the purposes of grand theft.

Alex knew about it.

She approved it.

It’s a bonus.

For what?

My loyalty and good work.

It’s not what she told me.

The auditor said
thousands were missing.

I don’t know anything
about that.

Somebody is taking cash

and besides Alex

only you had access.

You were embezzling, Jason.

I borrowed some money

but I was planning
on putting it back.

A business manager
helping himself

to his client’s
cash.

Could be motive
for m*rder.

Your car fits the description

of the one seen
leaving the m*rder.

If you have
anything to tell us...

I took the money
but I did not k*ll her.

You’ve got
to believe me.

You don’t seem
like the snowman type.

So what was it?

Loan sharks,
bookies, what?

I needed to cover some bets.

I got in with the wrong people.

The kind
that make accidents happen?

They had me on a string.

Constant pressure
to come up with the cash.

I was desperate.

And Alex was your lifeline.

She didn’t mind
in the beginning.

Honest.

After I broke off the affair

she brought in
an auditor.

You came back here
to cover your tracks.

I needed some files.

I knew if I had them,
I could slow the auditor down.

When I came here,
she was already on the floor.

I felt her pulse.

She was gone.

I threw
some stuff around

to make it look like a burglary.

Then I called from my car.

Why did you break off
the affair?

Alex was very possessive.

She didn’t just
want your body.

She wanted to own you.

What do you think?

Well, the guy was scared.

But six sh*ts
seems more like anger.

Maybe Alex was holding
embezzlement over him.

Yeah, it could be.

Go talk
to the secretary again.

Maybe you can get
more out of her.
And you?

I’m going to talk
to the neighbors.

See what I can find out
about the car.

What happened
to boy-girl, boy-girl?

I might get lucky.

Yeah.

Lauren:
If you think
there’s something

between Jason and me,
you’re wrong.

We share
a common enemy.

That enemy being Alex.

If you worked for her,
you’d know what I mean.

Lauren, did you know
they were involved?

You’d have to be blind
not to see it.

She was all over him, poor guy.

So what happened
when the relationship ended?

She turned her anger on me.

I had a personal stake
in the book.

What kind of stake?

A writing credit.

Written by Alex Dale
and Lauren Alexander.

I acted as her secretary
in exchange for it.

So you’ve worked
on the computer, right?

Yes.

Can you print me out
a copy of the book?

That’s under a name key.

You need a password.

Alex never told me
what it was.

Didn’t she trust you?

She didn’t trust anybody.

I never even knew the names

of the real people
she put in the book.

She used nicknames
for our draft.

She called one guy
"the pounder."

Another was
"quick Willy."

She called one "the snorkle."

Can you print me out a copy
of this nickname version?

Sure, but it won’t tell you

what you want to know.

Ladies, we got our work
cut out for us.

Still no name key.

It’s not
in the directories

or any
of the subdirectories.

Maybe she removed it.

There could still be

an imprint
on the hard disk.

If anybody
can retrieve this

Roy can do it.

Lorenzo.

I found it.

You found what?

The yohimbe.

The yohimbe, that’s great.

I called everywhere--
Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan.

It cost me a fortune
in long distance calls.

The whole orient was out of it.

Then, I call
this place in Cleveland.

Cleveland,
of all places!

Tong Fong’s herbal
and exotica emporium.

Bingo! They got it.

Right here in the U.S. of a.

And it’s
on the way to me.

That’s great.

Lorenzo

you’ve been a big help.

I won’t forget this.

All right.

Beef in oyster sauce,
no M.S.G.

Chop sticks, fortune cookie.

Thank you.

How’s it going?

How many sexual positions
do you use?

Uh, what... seven... nine.

It says she uses ,
in a pinch.

You believe that?

With Alex, I would say

that’s probably true.

Wait a minute.

You got those pages
that Alex sent to Donovan?

Thanks.

Mmm-hmm.

Donovan is
"quick Willie."

How do you know that?

The pages are
almost identical, %.

What about
the other five percent?

The other five...

There’s an outside chance

he could be
"the snorkle."

When you get conclusive proof

you let me know.

If the suspects
are in this thing

they sure are anonymous.

Nine, huh?

Well, it could be, uh... ten.

What’s going on?

What’s the emergency?

God, look at you.

Sit down.

Look at this.

It’s a list of names
from the book.

It’s a who’s who of palm beach.

It’s got to be
a bestseller.

You don’t get it.

Alex didn’t care
about the book.

She was selling it off
a piece at a time.

She was
blackmailing them.

You’re out of your mind.

She was nailing your butt
for stealing her money

and she was
cheating me out

of my writing credit.

Alex was getting even
with the world.

She wouldn’t do that to me.

Because
she loved you?

You were
a piece of meat.

And I was typing
for a lousy paycheck.

I guess the world
got even with her.

To hell with the world.

I’m the one who had the guts

to do something
about it.

You.

You’re even crazier
than she was.

How’s this for crazy?

I got away with it
and I got this.

It pays off two ways.

We squeeze these creeps
like Alex did.

And we publish the book anyway.

We get everything
we ever wanted.

Yes.

And when they lock us up
for blackmail and m*rder

we can hire
a good lawyer.

Jason.

Like I said...

You’re even crazier

than she was.

You’re in this

whether you want
to be or not!

Oh, man...

You know, what if we’re
all wrong about this?

What if it is not
one of these guys?

You mean not "halfway Jose"?

Could be someone closer to home.

Let’s say a friend.

Or colleague or an associate.

Jason and Lauren for starters.

All right, possible scenario.

Jason is embezzling from Alex.

She confronts him,
Jason caps her.

It’s too obvious.

Okay, you go,
little miss smarty pants.

Lauren was putting up
with Alex

to get credit on the book.

Only there
was no book

only Alex’s
blackmailing scam.

Lauren finds out, feels used.

She caps her.

That’s better, that’s better.

Okay, scenario number three.

Let’s say that
Jason and Lauren

are in this thing
together.

Jason’s got to make
good on the money.

Lauren figures
that Alex’s m*rder

will help hype
sales of the book.

They both win,
Alex loses.

That’s good.

You know, then there’s
a scenario number four.

Which is what?

One of the guys
she’s blackmailing

figures even
after he pays her

she’ll go
public anyway.

He would have a lot at risk.

Say, a career, a family,

a future in politics.

George?

Nah.

Scratch number four.

( Telephone rings )

Yeah, Lorenzo.

Oh, man.

Forget scenario one
and three as well.

Looks like
a clean hit.

A single shot

to the back
of the head

at close range.

I’m guessing
small caliber.

Alex was shot
with a ..

Are you thinking
what I’m thinking?

If it looks
like a mob hit...

It’s probably
a mob hit.

Yep.

Roy:
It was this computer?

We printed
a manuscript yesterday.

I don’t get it.

Let me try
one more program.

Ballistics says the g*n
that k*lled Jason

is the same one
that k*lled Alex.

What about the bag
in the trunk?

Definitely headed
out of town.

The number we found

was to a holiday inn
in Savannah.

Was he nailed

by people
he owed money to

or was he part
of Alex’s scheme?

My guess would be
that if it’s the same g*n

it was not
the loan sharks.

How’s it going?

It’s gone-- a total crash.

There’s nothing
readable.

A power surge?

Someone went out of their way
to sabotage it.

Lauren was
the only person

that had access
besides Alex.

Everybody around her
is dropping like flies.

Let’s get a warrant
and search her apartment.

The g*n is probably
still there.

Thanks, Roy.

Uh...

Would you hold on just a minute?

Sure.

What the hell happened to you?

I have not seen
this much calamine lotion

since summer camp.

That yohimbe concoction
nearly k*lled me.

No guy would be interested

in anything but mouthwash

after taking...

You said this
yohimbe concoction

was for a friend
named Arthur.

Right.

Wrong.

Why’d you take it?

Why did I take it?

Why did you take it?

I’ll tell you why.

What kind of a guy
gives a good friend

a crackpot love potion
from Cleveland

without first testing it
on himself?

I don’t know what kind
of friends you got, Lorenzo,

but I
Cherish mine.

Rita:
Okay, thank you very much, bye.

So what was that
about?

Snow jobs and things
that go limp in the night.

I’ll explain on the way.

Lipschitz:
Anything?

Chris:
We can’t find the g*n

but she’s looking good
for both murders.

Based on what?

If she k*lled Alex Dale
and Jason found out...

It’s too iffy.

Get the g*n.

We’re still looking.

Let me know.

Thanks so much.

I just talked
to Alex’s publisher.

The m*rder put

a new twist
on the book

and they are buying it.

Let me guess,
she called them.

From co-writer
to the driver’s seat.

Exactly.

Lance, Lorenzo.

I got these by messenger
a little while ago.

The call asked
for $,.

The caller was a she.

Yeah.

One of Alex’s employees
has taken over.

Oh, great, great.

It may not be
too bad, George.

She’s made her move

and now we can make ours.

Where do you
drop the money?

I’m supposed to go
to a drinking fountain

at the edge of the park
and wait.

She took
my cellular number.

She’ll call.

Here’s what
we do.

We?

We.

I’m already involved
in this thing

more than I want to be.

The press finds out,
I’m dead.

No way.

How you feel, George?

Totally manipulated.
It’ll wear off.

You could have given me
time to shave.

If we gave you time,
you wouldn’t be here.

Ouch!

Just stand still, George.

Are you finished?

You’re k*lling me.

( Laughing )

This I got to see.

What happened to you?

An allergic reaction.

To what?

A friend’s advice.

Guys, are we about ready?

What if she’s got a g*n?

That’s what the vest is for.

Vest?

Why sh**t the goose

that lays
the $, eggs?

That makes me feel
a lot better.

( Men shouting )

( Car engine starts )

( Humming )

Come on, show yourself.

Oh.

Hmm.

If you can hear me in there,
I’m going home.

Hah.

Very funny, George.

Yeah, yeah, loud and clear.

( Phone rings )

Hello.

Donovan:
Public rest room
at the end of the park.

How do I know
that you’ll keep your word?

I have to trust you?

And the check’s in the mail.

I’m out of here.

Hold it, Lauren.

You probably
would have

gotten away with it

if you’d left things alone.

Get out of the way.

You looking for these?

( Frustrated cry )

It says
"recommended dosage

not to exceed
one teaspoon."

You saw it, right?

Once I translated it.

Guy takes enough
to make a rhino stiff

and he blames me.

Lucky it didn’t
fall off.

Has a guy been born
that can get through a day

without bringing up
the subject of sex?

Oh, see?

No, that’s it.

Now hold on.

Are you specifically
referring to moi?

You and every other guy
on this planet.

And women do not
talk about sex?

As a matter of fact,
we don’t.

I don’t believe it.

You know the problem
with you guys?

What?

Whenever it comes to sex

you look down
instead of up.

It’s not
about performance

and it’s not
about plumbing.

It is about sharing
and caring and intimacy.

And the sooner
you learn that

the better off
you’ll be.

But you have never had
your galvanized pipe

turn to flexi-tubing
at just the wrong time.

Bing...

No, I haven’t.

Hi.
Hey, George.

Can’t chat,
Andrea’s waiting.

I just wanted
to thank you

for sticking
with me.

What are friends for?

You’re welcome.

Going
somewhere?

A short, but long-overdue,
family vacation.

In the middle of your campaign?

This experience has taught me

that my family is
a lot more important

than a new shingle over my door.

Send you a postcard
from paradise.

Have fun.

Don’t forget
your snorkel.

This is about getting
back to basics.

George is not
quick Willie.

Uh, and how did you
know that?

Just a little something
Andrea said to me.

You said that women
did not talk about sex.

I lied.

Gotcha.
( Groans )

You...