A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square (1979)

[bunniefuu]

Left, right, left, right.

Come on, pick 'em up.

Left, right. Governor wants his tea.

Halt.

471183. Lucius Percival Green

for release tomorrow, sir.

Orphaned. Borstal.

What's Peacehaven?

Reform school. Like borstal.

Yes, sir. Near Philadelphia.

After my old man died.

Yeah.

Convictions to date - 16.

One third of your life inside - why?

Look, Green, you're a young man.

You're an electrician. The last man

to leave here was a teacher.

Bachelor of Science. He won't find

a job easily, but you're in demand.

You stick to your trade.

Go straight and you'll pull in a damn

sight more than he ever will. Right?

Absolutely, sir.

You'd better mean it this time.

Speaking for us all,

I'm sorry you're going.

Right, Mr Boddings? Yes, sir.

My wife was wondering...

It won't flip.

I'll fix it tonight, sir.

Oh, thanks. Well, goodbye, Green.

Good luck. Thank you, sir.

Ha-ha!

INAUDIBLE

INAUDIBLE

Jesus, you landed me in a mud hole.

I've just gotten out of the shit!

BOTH LAUGH

Hang on. I gotta get something.

Hey, little darlin',

look who's back in town. Pinky!

Ooh, it's so nice to see you!

What can I do for you?

Just about everything.

Still the same. I need something

for Foxy's ma - a little plant.

Yeah, how about this one?

OK, terrific. How much? 1.25.

Here you go. Here's two quid.

Keep the change. Cheers.

Catch you later.

MUSIC: "A Nightingale Sang

In Berkeley Square"

# That certain night

# The night we met

# There was magic abroad in the air

# And as we kissed... #

Mum! Here he is.

So, where's my little sweetheart?

Where is she?

Where's my little sweetheart?

I don't see her.

Oh, there she is! Ahh, Pinky!

PINKY LAUGHS

Oh, Pinky! Our song, huh?

Yeah. Oh, for God's sake.

FOXY TURNS OFF MUSIC

Flowers - for a beautiful lady.

Aw. I raised it myself in the joint,

in my own window box -

special for you.

Steak, baked potato, sour cream.

And chocolate cake!

Too much. I should switch

from hot dogs. Yeah.

How's business? Can't complain.

I had ten days in a Mike Winner film.

Great! Any lines? Sure. How many?

How many what? Lines.

Five. Ask anybody.

I could've been a star, only his dad

liked to go to bed early.

Where's Brenthouse Street?

Near Liverpool Street station.

- My tool bag?

- In your room.

Pinky, do me a favour.

Stay out of trouble.

God's honest truth, Ma.

I'm done with the slammer.

I'm an electrician.

I've got a real job.

That's good.

INAUDIBLE

Try it now.

Good morning, Gloria. Good morning.

So it's Gloria, is it?

Ted, Major Treadwell here.

TED: 'Sir?'

You've got a new electrician.

'Right.'

What's he like?

'Very good.'

What's his name?

'Green, sir.'

Green. Good.

Green? Over here, would you?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come in, damn it.

Ever worked in a high-security area?

Oh...yeah...

Off and on. Good. Little job

for you. Mayfair. Client of ours.

Fluorescent on the blink

and some minor electrical faults.

Suits me.

Nice people.

Atlantic and Pacific Bank.

Hello there.

PHONE RINGS

I believe that's what you wanted.

Yes. That's right. Thank you.

Sonia Pelham's desk.

No, you want the Foreign Department.

I'll put you through. Hold on.

Could you take this call? Thank you.

When you have time,

could you look at something?

Sure.

The girls' power plugs keep

falling out. Can you fix that?

This time it's Miss Metcalf's.

Power plug, eh?

Yes.

Little plugs on the typewriters.

Miss Metcalf works in Accounting.

I'll see if I can do it.

That's nice of you.

Thank you very much.

Everything OK up here?

Yes, I think so.

Good. I couldn't fix this stuff.

Um...I had a word with the manager

and dropped a hint. You'll see.

Excuse me - your keys.

Oh, right. Thanks.

That wiring will have to wait.

They want me at your other branch.

Er... Just a minute, Pinky.

Miss Pelham has had an idea. What if

we put this on a regular footing?

What do you mean - working here?

Yeah, here

and over at the City branch.

Oh, well, listen, man, er...

I don't dig

the nine-to-five racket.

You wouldn't mind working overtime.

Overtime? Maintenance is done

after banking hours. You'd do well.

Er...double time?

Uh-huh.

Just come and go as you please.

Huh... Jeez, that ain't bad.

OK.

Percival Green, right?

LUCIUS Percival Green.

Who were you with before?

Her Majesty's...Government.

Thank you.

OK, six bags.

Thank you.

MAN: 20,000 fifties, 1,000 ones.

Yes. Thank you.

5.20pm, huh? Not bad.

Some guys have got it made.

That's right.

THEY BOTH LAUGH

Pull in. What? Over there.

Hello. Ivan would like a word

with you, Pinky.

Hello, General.

I thought you were inside.

Ah...good behaviour.

What were you doing in that bank?

Checking up

on my American investments, honey.

Say hi to the boys.

Yeah, Pinky Green just being up West

don't sound too kosher. Right.

Berkeley Square branch?

That beats me.

He was cocky, too - as

if he owned the place.

So long, everybody. Bye, Pinky.

METALLIC CLANG

What are you doing?!

Argh!

You gotta lot of bull. Pinky,

whatever happened to your manners?

There are people I know

who are pissed off with you.

Like who?

Charlie Chubb, Pealer Bell.

With me? What did I do?

You know, playing it single -

that's not like you.

A villain alone

should have some talent,

and with all due respect,

you're lacking in that area.

Hey, you gotta be dreaming, man.

Me? Knock off a big American bank?

Alone?

In the classy part of town?

I'd be crazy.

Yes. If you weren't bent like a hairpin,

it would be a shocking thing to do.

You do realise, don't you?

One call to the bank manager -

you're in the cooler. For what?

For conspiracy to rob -

that's the name of the game.

They have an act

covering undesirable aliens.

You might be

on the first plane back home.

There's no rap waiting for me

back in the States. There will be.

I'm clean, man. I'm clean.

Not for long.

I have friends there who would know

how to set you up and make it stick.

It would mean a long spell for you

in maximum security.

And there they do not muck around.

You're busting my ass. Not at all,

I'm keeping things together.

What does that mean?

Let's just call it...cooperation.

Pinky, let's get this straight.

Insolence I can tolerate -

but not dumb insolence.

Now, what time do they leave?

Five.

That's better.

Keep it that way.

Those lights - why are they on?

Computer team.

What are their hours? Start

at three and work into the night.

How many? Three.

All men? Two guys and a girl.

The vault?

Locked any time

between 4.30 and 5.30.

The front door?

Er...3.30, I guess. Mm-hm.

Side door?

As needed by the staff and manager.

Fire exit. Open the door, Pinky.

Forget it! I can't let you in there.

I don't have all night, you know.

Jeez...

And your key? The only loose one,

except for the security guard.

How often do they come round?

Er...maybe every...three hours.

Lock it.

Alarm control? Basement.

Two 999 transmitters -

one here and one in the vault.

Prerecorded message

to Scotland Yard. Junk.

Chubb - six inch. Two combinations.

Do you have the numbers?

The numbers?! Haven't you seen them

locking and unlocking?

Christ! The manager

or operations guy does the left,

the head cashier or a foxy blonde

does the right - click, click.

Do they use reminders?

No, they've got it by heart.

Use your eyes.

Now, show me those keys.

Over here. Manager's desk.

Top drawer.

Do you know what all those are?

These are front doors upstairs.

I don't know.

Records? Foreign deposits?

Is there a gate

inside the vault door?

Yeah, they lock it in the day when

the vault's open. High security.

You want numbers? Take a look

at this one! We have work to do.

DISTANT DOOR OPENS

MAN: Anyone for coffee?

WOMAN: No, thanks.

DOOR CLOSES

Security?

I don't think so. The next one

doesn't come around for a while.

DISTANT FOOTSTEPS

Computer staff? Gotta be.

Let's go upstairs.

Remember, I'M the specialist.

Hi, Phil. Hi, Pinky. Green,

you mentioned the computer room.

Oh, yeah. I forgot that one, sir.

Hello, Pinky.

Hi. Good evening.

Sorry to bother you.

BLEEPING You're right. If anything should

go wrong, this is where it'll happen.

Don't try to do anything, just call

me and I'll call response centre.

Good night. Thank you.

Good night. Bye. Bye.

Yes, it has all the signs

of the sweetest job ever.

But we've got to get those numbers.

Impossible.

Oh, you can get them. How?

Did you read that piece in the Sun -

about the fellow they put in cold storage?

Cold what? Cold storage.

In a slaughterhouse

off Smithfield Market.

They're a rough group.

He wouldn't cooperate, so they hung

him on a meat hook for a few days.

Big fellow, about your size.

Every now and then

they'd wet him down

and touch him up with an

electric cattle prod.

In the end he cooperated,

but it made ugly reading.

Very ugly.

Get the numbers, Pinky.

So, tell me? What? How's it going?

Great.

Some break, falling on your feet

like that. Yeah.

Ma kills me.

Position of trust, she calls it.

What's funny? She's right.

Tilt?!

DOOR RATTLES

Hi, Pinky. I thought

I'd got the wrong address.

FAINT CLICKING

Hello, Pinky. Overtime again?

You must be coining it, mate.

Didn't see you

at the football last week, Pinky.

Move your arse, Pinky.

Do you fancy Mohawk in the 3.30?

If you want to cash a cheque

you've got 14 hours. Cash a cheque?

I'm only here for the ride.

Ivan's downstairs with two experts.

In an ADVISORY capacity, he said.

Yeah, I've seen him.

Hey...what's with Ivan?

What's he trying to prove?

It's life, innit?

It's like horse racing. Study the form,

weigh up the odds, take your chance.

If you back a winner,

everyone says how clever you are.

If you back a wrong 'un,

they call you a mug.

Either way, once you start...

you get involved.

Yeah, you're in it. You take Ivan.

He's a thoroughbred.

I mean, he's got class.

Yeah. He's well-bred...

well-schooled - a cert winner.

How did he end up a crook?

He somehow ran off the track.

Can't take a straight course.

You've got these animals

crawling all over the place.

It's a g*dd*mn zoo in that bank.

You have yourself to blame.

Me? When the shit hits the fan,

nobody's clean.

I mean, we're going to get caught.

g*ons -

you can spot 'em a mile away.

If you'd got the numbers

we'd be in and out.

Definitely. Now it's another

class of caper. No doubt.

Stands to reason. Not having those

numbers alters the tone.

ALL: Right.

Right.

How can I get the g*dd*mn numbers?

I'm not a mind-reader.

It's out of the question. Then I

advise you to do yourself a favour.

A favour, yeah - like get lost.

Like what did you have in mind?

Like working more double time.

Like working late Friday and

Saturday. Why the hell...? Shut up!

Now, you find out exactly

when security clocks round.

Your change.

Why should a man be condemned

for his past?

So I've got a record as long

as my arm. So what? I can change.

I don't want to be with

those meatballs. Right? Right.

You make some honest bread

and you end up back in the slammer.

Are you OK, mate? It's the going

straight what does it. Hot dog, please.

Evening, Pinky.

Hi, Mac. You're early, aren't you?

Mayfair traffic on a Friday's a

bastard. I try to keep ahead of it.

Manager working late? Looks like it.

DISTANT DOOR OPENS

FOOTSTEPS

CAN RATTLES

PELHAM: Would you like a sip?

MAN: No, thank you, darling.

MAN: Come on, darling,

that's enough.

FOOTSTEPS

(Hey.) What?

(For Christ's sake, shut up.)

(I saw the manager drive off.)

Security man. He's making it.

What, with a bird? Yeah.

Hello.

Having a nice day off? Come round,

everybody - intelligence is here.

OK, Pinky, let's have your report.

On Friday night a

guard comes round

every two-and-a-half hours

- all weekend into Monday.

Quite certain?

You can set your watch by him.

11 o'clock Saturday night, 1.30

Sunday morning, then 4, then 6.30.

So from 11.15pm Saturday to 1.15am

Sunday we have 2 hours in the clear?

Right.

No security, no computer staff.

Very well. Next Saturday it is.

11.15 on the dot. Right?

ALL: Right.

Let's get one thing straight -

no g*ns.

And let's get

another thing straight.

You don't give the orders, I do.

g*ns will turn this job sour.

It'll mean 20 years minimum.

Things will not go wrong.

Another thing - I hear a lot

of talk about who's doing what.

Where do I come in? You don't.

Don't what? Come in. Oh, yeah?

You'll be far away - hammering.

Hammering what? Your alibi.

Over at City branch. Making sure they

know that you're working on double time.

HAMMERING

HAMMERING

What the hell's that?

Anyone know what's going on?

Wotcher, Pinky. Hey, what's

happening, Chris? Oh, not too much.

Why do you work this graveyard

shift? I dunno. Must be the money.

Huh...sure ain't the excitement.

Ha! See you.

HAMMERING CONTINUES

Who the hell is that?

SIREN WAILS

TYRES SCREECH

SIRENS

OK.

Where are you going?

I work here.

Hold on.

OK.

SECURITY GUARD: ..10 or 10.50.

And at 11.02 last night...

Well, I did my usual check.

Everything was in order

when I left at 11.07.

This morning I arrived at 01.33

and I noticed the vending machine

had been forced open.

Is the manager here?

Right here.

I'm the manager. Dan Blakestone.

My boss would like to talk to you.

..Mr Stanfield?

Morgan Stanfield, Vice President.

Watford.

Why Coke?

To cool the bits. Oh.

They had an overheating problem.

Did they use a magnetic drill? Yeah.

Jesus, were they out of luck.

Power failure.

No juice, no magnetic hold.

Crash, bang, wallop -

drill falls on the floor.

Yeah, a professional job.

Looks like.

Who's this? Maintenance man.

Not much for you to maintain today.

What happened here?

When reclaiming the plug and cable,

they yanked off the whole fitting.

They didn't need to pull it.

I found a crack last week,

so I stuck it in with no screws.

Here's the new outlet.

There's the screws.

Without these,

the slightest tug from the vault

and the whole bloody lot

falls down, dragging out the wires.

You've been extremely lucky, sir.

This young man saved your bacon,

didn't he?

Yeah.

Your health, Mr Green.

ALL: To Pinky!

Thank you very much.

As a gesture of our appreciation,

we've opened an account for you.

There's your chequebook

and your savings account.

We want all our customers

to accumulate wealth.

Welcome. Thank you very much.

LIVELY JAZZ

Oh, Foxy, come on.

What's the matter, huh?

Huh? It's not such a big deal.

I'm moving out.

Who's gonna feed you?

You're both acting like

World's End is the end of the world.

I'll be coming by for a meal now I've

got my own wheels. We're still buddies.

You're still my pal.

A room over at World's End

is going to keep me out of trouble.

Not to mention any names -

know what I mean, huh?

It's like when we got back

from the US, we cleaned up our act.

If your dad was alive, he'd agree

with me. Home is where the heart is.

Mum.

Look, Ma...

I'm not knocking you and Foxy.

Where would I be without you?

You're all the family I got.

Listen, now that my bank

roll's getting a bit fatter,

I got great plans for

the three of us.

Er...a weekend place.

An apartment? Yeah.

By the ocean? Why not?

Here in Brighton? Brighton?

It reminds me of Atlantic City.

Well, it does.

OK. Brighton it's gonna be.

COMPERE: Ladies and gentlemen, take

your partners for the last waltz.

You got your shoes on, sweetheart?

Yeah.

Foxy, give your mama a whirl.

SLOW WALTZ

It's for the new alarm system.

They need a feed from the switchboard

panel to the top of the vault - about here.

They'll take it from there.

OK? Where do you want to run it?

Through the ceiling.

You've got no problem.

That's just a cosmetic job. Yeah.

How do you like

my new cowboy boots?

HE LAUGHS

I didn't know we paid you that much!

Ha-ha(!)

Is it going to be all right?

Looks OK.

Ow!

Oh, no.

WOMAN: Box 103, please.

CASHIER: Sign here.

Holy shit.

FOOTSTEPS

(Nine.)

(Six.)

(46.)

(27...26. No.)

(26.)

TV: And far beyond the most distant

of these planets in our solar system

are the myriads of bright stars,

gleaming like jewels from a velvet garden.

Like a careless scattering

of precious stones,

spilling from some vast

celestial strongroom,

the Milky Way

trails its treasure across...

TILL DINGS

TV: The Ancients, thousands of

years before the birth of Christ,

using only the naked eye,

could at first only worship

this display of constellations

as mythical gods and heroes.

Astronomers today

continue to use this tradition

to identify the 88 constellations

covering the sky.

Staff problems. My butler

won't polish 'em no more(!)

SHOP BELL RINGS

Ah.

Well, well. Hello, sunshine.

Listen,

how are you fixed for a telescope?

A what?

You know what I mean - a telescope.

A telescope! Right.

Ah.

It will set you back 50 quid.

50 quid! Let's have a look.

What's it made of - gold?

I've got a fine pair of binoculars.

Ten quid to you.

No, thanks. I only need one eye.

Oh, taking up stargazing, are you?

Yeah. The Milky Way turns me on.

Know what I mean? Mm.

Here you go. Five of the best.

One, two, three, four, five.

Count 'em up. Ah.

See you in Sunday school, eh? Huh.

HE LAUGHS

SHOP BELL RINGS

A bloody telescope!

What you look through? Right.

That Sid Larkin

clobbered him good and proper.

50! 50?!

50. Paid up like it was 50p.

What's he into? Bird-watching?

No! Stargazing.

Telescope. What?

50 for a telescope.

A telescope?

Straight.

Had it from Sid.

Half a ton for a telescope.

You're joking?

Would I kid you?

Oi, Aussie.

50 quid? That's daylight robbery.

Everything's gone up, innit?

I mean, what's money these days?

Numbers. That's all.

Sid, you just made

a very profound observation.

Thanks.

May I help you, sir?

Yeah, I'd like a Big Mac...

large fries and a large Coke.

Anything else, sir? No, that's it.

DOORBELL RINGS

Hey, Caroline...

Can you bring me a ketchup cup?

Sure. Tuppence, please.

Yeah, I know. Here you go.

Watch your step.

Goodbye, Mrs Wellam. Thank you.

If you're taking over,

I'll take an early lunch.

Pinky.

Yeah.

Er...I meant to talk to you

about my fan.

I mean at home, in the kitchen.

It's broken.

I thought that maybe one evening...

Sure. Why not?

All right. See you later.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Atlantic and Pacific Bank.

Can I help you?

Oh, hell, I'm out.

Pay you back after lunch? OK.

Could you repeat that, sir?

No, I don't speak Arabic.

Oh, I see, it's your name. I'm

sorry. Yes. How do you spell that?

S-A-I... D for Daddy?

I see. Sy-eed.

Right, sir. Where are you staying?

The Dorchester.

Hello, Pinky. Lovely day for it.

At least they fell

for the Yank's alibi. Yes.

And they will never expect us

to come back a second time.

Any luck? Listen...

You're working

with a big-time genius here.

I got 'em.

Marked them one through three.

No.1 is the right-hand guard dial.

No.2 is the left

and No.3 is the inside gate.

Great. Well done.

Any other news? Weekdays

they're tightening security.

How tight?

From Monday on they'll be around

every two hours.

Starting what time?

7.30. So if you're still set

on daylight it's a 5.30 kick-off.

Giving us two hours. Two hours?!

It's an hour 50 maximum.

And that's cutting it fine.

It'll be a shame to take the money!

SHOP OWNER: Which type of plant?

That's...erm...

That is a pound.

Charlie and I will attend to

the division of the spoils.

Nobby Flowers and his lot will bag

and crate the hard stuff.

Young Clint will do

the lugging and wheeling.

Looks like you got it together.

After the carve-up

it'll be every man for himself.

Bagmen, middlers...

How do you want to pick up

your whack?

You won't see me.

I've got my alibi to think about.

I'll have a car parked,

corner of Swan Street.

Clint can dump mine in the trunk.

Good. We'll wrap it carefully

so there's no slip-up.

When it comes to money?!

What would you do

if you made a real k*lling?

Depends how big.

I don't know. Say five grand.

FOXY LAUGHS

I'd make myself really mobile.

Dump the Mini and get

something with class?

Your mom wanted a...convertible?

Forget my mum. A van.

Big. Roomy.

Blue and white shutters on the side.

You know what I mean?

Proper service counter.

Hotplate, fridge, cooker. The lot.

"Fred Fox" painted along the side.

Proper sign writing:

"Hygienic hot meals and beverages."

Nothing flash. You know, smart.

In my game, mobility's the answer.

Out and about, chasing it. Right?

You got it.

What?

You got it.

Come on.

Can you trust him?

I got no option.

There's no way out.

They had me boxed in from the start.

That gunner, he's always there.

Don't kid yourself. With this one

we're going to put our feet up.

See, Wednesday, you rent a car.

Right.

On Thursday afternoon,

you park it on Swan Street.

Put a Daily Mirror on the

driver's side of the dash,

and the key to the

trunk in the ashtray.

You got me? At six o'clock

you walk around the block.

When the paper has gone,

that means my cut's in the trunk

along with the shovel.

And you're off. Where to?

I'm getting to that. Stay cool.

You bury it.

What? Dig a hole?

Yeah, that's right.

That reminds me, you got to

pick up a length of drainpipe.

Couple of bung ends.

To make it watertight.

I don't want to come back

and find it's rotted!

What about my five grand?

Take it off then. Off the top.

Remember the job I did for the

Vice President? That's the place.

Don't worry. The house is closed up.

How do you know?

The manager told me.

You gotta take a right-hand turn

off the road.

Lug my haul 100 yards into the woods

till you come to a big tree.

Used to be like this. Split in the

middle. This half's fallen down.

You bury it right in the crotch.

Follow your natural instincts!

ENGINE STARTS

Miss Pelham, please.

Hello. Miss Pelham?

Yeah, it's me, Pinky.

I'm running late but I'll be

over your place about six, huh?

Yeah. Fix that fan of yours.

Right.

Oh, no. It's no trouble at all.

See you.

Here we are.

And all unloaded, right?

ALL: Right.

Evening.

I just got to pick up my tool bag.

Evening, Edna. How are you doing?

Not too bad, thank you.

Night, everybody.

Have a nice weekend, Pinky.

Hold it. Pinky's leaving.

Ah, shit.

ENGINE STARTS

What are you after? A medal?

PINKY LAUGHS Paying my dues

is a principle of mine.

Time for a jar? No. I was due over

at Miss Horny Pelham's around six.

See if I can get my rocks off!

HORN BEEPS

Check your watches.

We have...

91 minutes. Even if we have to

leave the Crown Jewels behind,

be back at 7.25. ALL: Right.

Hello.

Well, hello there.

Cowboy.

Nice little place you got here.

Thank you.

Nice little job I got there.

We're in business.

Oh...

Lovely!

Charlie!

MECHANICAL WHIRRING

18-carat. Mm-hm.

Fabber-gay. Faberge.

I suppose you want to get at it,

don't you?

Like they say, first things first.

Makes sense.

Yeah, I'm a sensible guy.

This way.

Cowboy.

This way, please.

Speed it up, Charlie.

Cowboy.

PINKY GIGGLES

Start moving the Krugers.

These weigh a ton!

I'll wheel this lot out, then.

Hold it a minute.

PHONE NUMBER IS DIALLED

What's your game?!

Did you phone the cops?

Bloody Dial-a-disc!

You gormless git!

Come on! Get moving. Get out.

Get on your arse. Tape him.

They'll be looking for him.

Eight minutes.

Come with me. Get going.

Come on, Stan. Two more upstairs.

Ten? Quarter past?

OK. I'll go straight there.

Don't forget Daph's scarf...

SHE GASPS

Downstairs, and don't make a noise.

Five minutes

and we'll be getting out.

Stay with them till we shout.

Please don't! Jeez!

Get the sacks upstairs.

Here, cop this.

Give it here.

Come on. Speed it up.

Now into the van.

COINS SPILL OU Leave it! Get going!

Listen, cowboy, I hate to rush you

but I promised I'd be on time. OK?

HE GIGGLES

CHEERING

Er, thanks for coming over.

It was nice.

Listen, it was terrific.

Maybe I'll see you again

when my fan needs fixing.

Yeah. It's a deal?

Right.

ENGINE STARTS

What an alibi.

SIRENS BLARE

CHEERING

SIRENS BLARE

# A nightingale sang

in Berkeley Square

# I know 'cause I was there

# That night in Berkeley Square... #

Same again, please. Whisky?

Yeah.

Make it a double. Saves time.

What price are Krugerrands today?

Financial Times quote is 234.

234? Yeah.

LAUGHTER

FUNKY MUSIC CONTINUES

Five...Six...Eight. 800,000.

That's the paper money.

There are nine cases of Krugers.

Split six between the as*ault group,

including me and Pinky.

Right. Pinky won't miss the odd one.

Charlie, there's a venal streak

in you. It depresses me.

A whack's a whack. Right?

ALL: Right.

The other three

to the support group.

The hard stuff split as agreed

when the appraiser's

finished with it.

The whole whack should come

to 15 million.

30 million. Happy?

ALL: Wahey!

Right.

That's the rest of Pinky's whack.

God!

Oh, and don't forget.

The spade goes with it.

Go on, I've got that.

OK?

All right.

89 boxes open. All empty, sir.

Bloody hell.

They left one thing behind.

Worth more than your pension,

Inspector(!)

My 5,000.

Five...one...

SIREN BLARES

REPORTER: Can you tell us anything?

HECKLING

WATFORD: Go away, will you?

FUNKY MUSIC CONTINUES

RADIO: LBC Headlines. The news.

A flash: Scotland Yard

have confirmed a robbery

at an American bank in the West End.

Details as they come in.

Stay tuned to LBC,

where news comes first.

You know something?

I feel like celebrating.

DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE

BELL RINGS THE TIME

SIREN BLARES

Hello. Pinky?

Yeah. Fox!

You and your g*dd*mn pipe!

What do you mean?

There was loads of it.

The boot was full of it.

I made other arrangements.

Is it cool?

It should be. Six foot under.

Safe as houses!

Under a coffin. What?!

A coffin. What you put stiffs in.

Jesus Christ.

SIRENS BLARE

I want to know about anything unusual

that's happened in the last 24 hours.

And all the cars... ..Morning.

All the cars parked in the yard

at the back of the bank. All right?

I'll come back to you.

Sandy, what's the score?

The score, sir,

is 4 million in cash.

4 million?! In CASH, sir.

And about eight, or thereabouts,

in gold and jewellery.

More, of course, if the owners of

the deposit boxes tell the truth.

Highly unlikely.

12 million?!

This must be the biggest ever.

Makes the Great Train Robbery

look like petty theft.

Any leads?

No. No leads, sir. Nothing at all.

Not a sausage.

Go home, Sandy. Grab some kip.

Don't tempt me, sir. Sir?

Parking ticket?

Issued yesterday.

Ford Granada.

Parked in the yard

in the back there.

SIREN BLARES

TYRES SCREECH

DOORBELL RINGS

Lucius Percival Green.

Yeah. 16 previous for a start.

What?

Convictions, sonny.

So I got a record. So what?

Why do you pay your parking tickets

so promptly?

You paid

half an hour after you got it.

Villains don't do things like that.

I pay my debts to society.

It's a principle of mine.

I pay my dues.

What were you doing last night?

Last night?

Last night.

What time?

Well,

let's say between six and eight.

I was over at 187 Crawford Court.

Chelsea. At the apartment

of Miss Sonia Pelham,

fixing the fan over her stove.

She's the bank manager's ASSISTANT.

Why don't you call her up?

I don't want to.

Great(!)

This is very nice.

Must have cost you a bob or two,

didn't it?

No, it was a birthday present. Like

watching the sky at night, do you?

Yeah, definitely.

Or the birds during the daytime?

Come on, it's a hobby of mine.

You know, Venus, Mars, Jupiter,

the Big Dipper, the Milky Way.

Yes, all right. The whole schmear.

Tell me about these numbers.

Or these.

I don't know.

What are they, telephone numbers?

We found them in your jacket.

Your other jacket.

Hell, it's not even my handwriting.

Planted on you, were they?

Must have been. What would I want

with a bunch of telephone numbers?

What would you want...

with a bunch of travel brochures?

Planning a holiday, were you?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I've got

two weeks paid coming to me.

You've got more than two weeks,

sonny.

More like 25 years.

Jeez, if I scared that easy,

I'd have been dead long ago.

Nicked?!

Who told you he'd been nicked?

Landlady.

Pigs walked in, wrecked the place,

turned it inside out, took him off.

He must have been shopped. Right.

Who the hell

would want to shop Pinky?

Have you bought a lawyer?

Yes. Mr Berger. Good.

Give Mr Foxy my key on account.

I swear to God, I wasn't even there.

I'm clean, I'm telling you.

What did you do with it, Pinky?

Do with what?!

Where did you ditch the g*n?

You got g*ns on the brain.

I told you a million times,

I never carry a g*n!

I swear on the Bible! Never!

That's another of your principles,

is it?

Pinky's Principle No.2...

"I don't carry a g*n."

Oh.

You remember those numbers

we were looking at the other day?

These ones.

Remember these, do you?

I found out what these mean.

These are the numbers of the

combination of the safe in the bank.

Oh, wow!

The combination to the safe!

In the bank. Yes.

Oh, wow.

That's unbe... That's unbelievable.

Yes. Found them

in your other jacket, didn't we?

Like I've been telling you

all along... Somebody planted them.

Yeah.

I'm being set up.

There's your proof. There it is.

That's right.

There's the proof.

HE SLAMS DRAWER SHU There it is.

Things don't look so hot, huh?

They certainly

don't look so hot for you.

On the other hand,

they look pretty hot for me.

I want legal assistance.

Well, oddly enough, there's a legal

gentleman waiting to see you now.

Somebody sent him.

Kind of them.

You have one way out, and that is

to cooperate with the police.

Cooperate with them?!

Cooperate. It's a very good word.

Cooperate is a lousy word.

My advice is to put

your own interests first.

Secondly, to tell the truth.

If I tell the truth,

they'll k*ll me.

Mr Green, I am quite sure

that the police will make sure

that you're

adequately protected.

No way! Who are you trying to kid?

If I rat them out...

..they'll put my ass in a sling

permanently.

How did it go, son?

My lawyer agrees with me 100%.

I was set up.

Yes.

That means

you're going to take the rap

and they're going to take the money.

Listen, chief...

You gotta give me an option.

I mean...if I talk,

do I get credit?

Always give credit

where credit's due.

That's Watford's law.

Willing cooperation's

taken into account.

They're gonna be

after me the rest of my life!

Listen...

Make it three years and help me

with a disappearing act and I'll talk.

Three years maximum

and a new passport?

Huh? How's that? I couldn't be

fairer. And you got a deal.

The Metropolitan Police

doesn't make deals.

As least, not officially.

But er...I'll see what I can do.

Take my meaning?

Have a word with the judge.

I don't know about that...

But you scratch my back...

I'll scratch yours.

That's the name of the game,

isn't it?

Why don't you tell me

the whole story?

You'd never believe me.

Try me.

Where do I start?

Start at the beginning.

That's the best place.

The day I got out of prison...

..I swore I was never going back

to the joint.

I was going to go straight.

And I meant it, too.

No more running away from Kojak and

that Mickey Mouse Ivan the Terrible.

Let him believe his own bullshit.

I was going to work -

licensed electrician,

which is my trade by profession.

So...

my parole officer sent me up

for this job.

Security outfit. Global.

So, one day,

they get this urgent call

from this bank.

They say their wiring's shot.

I go over there and they're good

people. They take me on regular.

And er...I felt

I was morally obligated.

Morally obligated?

Yes, that's nice. I like that.

Go on, then.

So I'm crawling inside

this false ceiling,

and all of a sudden - phoom! -

goes a hammer.

And there's a hole.

I put my eye to the hole and -

oh, my God, what I saw!

So, you know,

round about this time -

it was my birthday -

someone gave me the telescope.

I had it in my bag, I put it to the hole

and... you know... curiosity's no crime!

Come on, out you come.

Got your driving licence?

Do you have a ticket, sir?

Oh, yes, here it is.

Only one person travelling?

Just me.

I need a wheelchair.

We'll arrange it.

Passport, please.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Operator, get me Scotland Yard.

Brrr! Good day to be leaving the country.

I hope you have a nice holiday.

SIREN BLARES

Would you like some more champagne,

sir? Oh, thank you.

Did you enjoy the journey, sir?

Yes, lovely. No problems.

Thank you so much.

It's Mr Drew, isn't it? Yes.

Mr Bernard Drew?

That's correct.

Could I see your passport, sir?

Why do you want to see MY passport?

Do you want to see mine?

You'll be more comfortable

sitting down.

We can just wheel you away.

HANDCUFFS TIGHTEN

Oh, Foxy. Pinky. Good to see you.

What's happened? I don't know, man.

They dragged me in here

for no good reason.

Mum and me are worried.

Yeah? How do you think I feel?

How is your ma? Fine. Considering.

How's the garden? Huh? Has she been

out back working on the garden?

Digging, you know?

Those flowers of hers are beautiful.

Maybe it's time to transplant with

the weather like this. Come on, Green.

Come on, Mr Fox.

Do you know what I mean?

Take it easy. Come back soon.

Come on. We're going for a ride.

I don't want to.

The Superintendent's waiting.

Where are you taking me?

To pick up your whack.

Got the spades in the back,

have you? Yes, sir.

CAR APPROACHING

Get the stuff out of the back.

All right, lead the way.

Well?

Right under there.

OK, get back in the car.

Give me one of those spades.

Dig round the other side.

Give it a shove!

I think this is worth

a shot in the Gazette.

Ask Trevor to bring my Polaroid

off the back seat of the car.

Watford and his whopper!

g*nshots

What the hell was that?!

g*nshots

Trevor, come with me!

g*nshots

Hey! What are you doing?

Rabbiting. Ferreting with bleepers.

Ah. Hey, squire, don't you point

those g*ns in the wood, right? OK.

g*nshots

Incredible. What's that, Trevor?

Radio-controlled ferrets.

Rather like us in a way, innit?

Let's have that picture, then.

What... What's up, sir?

That pipe...

Have you moved that pipe off there?

I've never seen a pipe, sir.

Bloody hell!

Come on, Trevor!

Get that car started!

Pinky babe, lunchtime.

Steak, tomato, jacket potato.

A lovely slice of chocolate cake.

Ma's special.

Come on.

Your paper, sir.

Thanks.

See you, pal.

See you.

During the night,

a grave was opened

and the coffin, undamaged,

stood on end in the hole.

When interviewed, the vicar said,

"Is nothing sacred?"

You have all been found guilty

of perpetrating the biggest bank robbery

ever to take place in this country,

and the penalties must be severe.

I sentence you to...ten years.

15 years.

20 years.

25 years.

Green, step forward.

Lucius Percival Green, to your credit

is the fact that you plead guilty

and have cooperated with the police.

I sentence you to seven years'

imprisonment. What?!

Come on, I made a deal for three.

The sentence

is seven years' imprisonment.

Oh, dammit! Seven years!

Seven years!

Jesus!

I'm going to crap in my pants.

They all do

once His Lordship's had his say.

Oh, good.

TOILET FLUSHES

Seven years!

IN POSH VOICE: Oh, yes.

Definitely. Yes.

Morning. Good morning.

Morning.

Gotcha!

Hi. A hot dog for an old friend?

Yeah.

Sorry, ladies and gentlemen.

PEOPLE MOAN

I'm closing down.

What are you doing here?

I don't know.

PINKY PANTS

I've been running my ass off.

I guess...my luck must have changed.

I mean,

this cat's gotta have nine lives.

Come on, we're moving. Where? Out!

This is the last hot dog

I'll ever eat.