07x07 - No Census, No Feeling

[bunniefuu]

[ ♪ ]

CURLY: Whoa!

Whoa-- Oh!

What's the idea
of turning over in your sleep?

Leave him alone.

What are you butting in for?

Ooh. CURLY: Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Hey.

Ooh!

Hm.

What are you gonna do with that?

Get rid of it.

Oh, ah-- Ah-- Ah-- Whoa.

CURLY: Nyuh-uh-uh-uh.

CURLY: Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

Police!

Police!

CURLY: Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.
MAN: Police!

Whoa.

[YELPS]

Oh, Mr. Policeman.

Three tramps
just wrecked my store.

Which way did they go?
Down there.

Now what?

They broke all my dishes.

Oh-- Oh-- Whoa.

Hey, jiggers.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

That's that.

Wait a minute, flathead.

We just got a job.
We're working for the census.

You mean Will Hayes?

No, the census, the census.

We get cents a name
for taking the census.

Where are we gonna get
the senses?

Yeah, where are we
gonna get them?

I'll take care of that.

Ooh. Ooh.

Now, spread out.

The more people we see,

the more money we make.

A customer.

And what a customer.

Come on. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Pardon me, what's your name?

And your address?
What's more important,

what's your phone number?

ALL: Ooh.

[BARKS]

Wrong number. From now on,

it's every man for himself.

Nyuh-uh-uh.

Good morning, sir.
I'm the census taker.

Are you married or happy?

WOMAN: Henry!

Married.

Pardon me, sir.
I'm a census taker.

What business are you in?

I own this store,
what's left of it.

Oh, a storekeeper, eh?
What's the name--?

Whoa.

Oh!

Police! Where are police?

Aw, come on, Fifi, tell me.

Do you live alone
or with your folks?

If alone,
what are you doing tonight?

[CHUCKLES]
Oh, but I will not talk,

until I get permission
from madame.

And if she says it's okay,
you'll answer my questions?

Oui, oui.

Whoo-whoo.

[GROANING]

Mm-mm-mm.

Ooh.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[POPS]

[HUMS]

[GRUNTS]

Ooh. Mm!

[KNOCK ON DOOR] Come in.

Good afternoon, chef.
I'm the census taker.

Well, you got me at a busy time.

Oh, it'll only take
a few moments.

Now, where were you born?

Lake Winnipesaukee.

Lake Win--

How do you spell that?

W-O...

Woof.

Make it Lake Erie,
I got an uncle there.

What was your family
decomposed of?

Well, I'll tell you,

there was a litter of three,

and I was the one they kept.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.

[LAUGHS]

Hey.

Ah!

Ah!

Why, you...

[SCREAMS]

Mm-mm-mm-mm.

Ooh-- Oh-- Ow--

Ow-- Ow-- Ow--

[SCREAMS]

Let that be a lesson to you.

Oh! Mm!

Mm-mm-mm.

[SCREAMS]

Pardon me, stranger,
I'm the census taker.

Where were you born?
Lake Winnipesaukee.

Lake Winni--

How many in the family?

I was one of a litter of three.

Now, don't tell me
you're the one they kept.

Nah, I'm the one
they threw away.

[SCREAMS]

I'm sorry.

I'm taking census.

Well, have some.

Oh! Ow--! Ow!

Oh.

Hey, what's the idea?

I saw him first.

Oh, you did?

Give me my cents.

Would you take ?

Oh, a bonus. Sure.

Get out.
Get out of the way, you.

Wait a minute.

Census? Oui, madame.

At a time like this.

And when I'm two players short
for my bridge game.

Dear me.

Oh! Ow!

Lake Winnipesaukee, huh?

Oh!
One of a litter of three, huh?

Oh! Oh!

A three-litter man, eh?

Oh.

Oh, thanks.

I never would have
got out without you.

Why, you'll never get out
of anything.

Gentlemen.

Now, calm yourself.
We're census takers, madam.

How old are you?
What address is this?

.

You don't look a day over .

Young man, I'm .

Oh, yeah?

Well, how do I look?

Oh, you look like a million.

Oh, she can't be that old.

Huh?

Forty-three. Fifty.

Forty-three. Fifty.

Forty-three. Fifty!

Fifty, , , , , ,
, , ...

[RAPIDLY] ... , , , ...

Sold American.

Oh!

Hm!

Ooh.

[CRASHING]

Hm.

[SLURPS]

Not sweet enough.

Hm, powdered sugar.

[HUMS]

You gentlemen
are very kind to sit in.

We play for cents a point.

Jacks or better to open?

[FOOT STOMPING] Ow.

I'm playing over here.

Are deuces wild?

LARRY: Deal 'em up, please.

No sandbagging, now.

Madame wants me
to serve this now.

Relax, I'll take it.

And don't forget, toots, I got
a date to take your census.

Nyuck, nyuck.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[MOE WHISTLES]

I was just
gonna water the flower.

[HUMS]

[CREAKS]

Hm.

What are you puckering up about?

I know you'll enjoy that drink.
I made it myself.

It looks good.

Do you like it?

[THICKLY] Yes, it's delicious.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, here's mud in your eye.

Does your drink taste all right?

Little heavy
on the Angora bitters.

In fact, I think the goat walked
right through it, I'm sure.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Cheerio.

[SHUDDERS]

[MUFFLED]
Sort of an internal hotfoot.

[MUFFLED]
You say the most amusing things.

[MUFFLED CHUCKLE]

Can't now. Everybody's looking.

[GRUNTING]

Who--? Who--? Whose bid?

Your bid.

Two diamonds.

Three no-trump.

I double.

MAN: Redouble.

What'd you say?

I double.

MAN: Oh.

You wanna say something?

Your move.

MAN: Well, who bids?

Your bid.

[ALL MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY]

Roses are red and how do you do?

Drink four of these
and whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

Hm.

Hm!

[GULPING]

[STUTTERING]

[GROANS]

[MUFFLED]
What's wrong with this punch?

[MUFFLED]
Oh, I didn't think you cared.

Mwah.

[INCOHERENT ANGRY MUMBLING]
[LAUGHS]

Oh!

[BARKS]

[CURLY SQUEALS]

[MUFFLED] Pardon me.

[INCOHERENT MUMBLING]

Mm.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Ooh!

[SQUEALS]

Ah!

[SPUTTERS]

Ah-- Ah--

Why, you...

[HARD THUMP] [CURLY SCREAMS]

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

[MUTED SHOUTING]
[GUESTS LAUGHING]

[SPUTTERS]

Nobody home in that house,
either.

Where is everybody?

Maybe it's the Fourth of July.

The Fourth of July in October?

You never can tell.

Look what they did
to Thanksgiving.

Why-- [CROWD CHEERING]

Why don't you quit yelling?

That ain't me.

Hey, look.

[CHEERING]

Boy, there must be
, people in there.

We'll make a fortune.

Whoo-whoo.

How much is cents
times , ?

Uh...

[IMITATING CALCULATOR KEYS
CLACKING]

[TYPEWRITER DING]

dollar and a half.

A dollar and a half?

That's without the tax.

Without tax.

Oh!

To the census.

Oh! Where are you going?

To the census. Well, come on.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[INAUDIBLE]

To the census. Go.

No game.

Hm.

[BARKS]

Quarterback.

Halfback.

Hunchback. Nyuck, nyuck.

[ALL CHEERING]

Move over, fellas.

Spread out, boys.
We're census takers.

Hm.

You're so big, I ought
to get cents for you.

How old are you?

Scram.

[LOUD POP] Ooh!

MOE: Hey, wait a minute.

CURLY: Hey, wait for me.

MOE: Hey, come on.
CURLY: What's the idea?

CURLY:
What are you so stubborn for?

What's the idea? Now, look--

CURLY:
I just wanna ask you a question.

MOE: Now, look here, buddy,

give us a break, will you?

Now, look, look,

if you'll answer this question--

CURLY: I only have
one thing to ask you.

Why don't you
give us a break here?

[LOUD THUMP]

Ah-- Ah-- Ah--

[GROWLS]

[REFEREE WHISTLE BLOWS]

Mm.

Oh, refreshments.

I get--

Mm.

MOE: You can trust us.

LARRY:
We'll only tell the government.

CURLY: Red-hot ice cream.

Frozen frankfurters.
A prize in every package, folks.

Step up. What are you up to?

We gotta make these guys talk.

You take the right end. Right.

I'll take the left end.

What'll you take?
I'll take vanilla.

Okay--

You don't like chocolate?
I still like vanilla.

Well, then, have some.
Oh, thanks.

Mm!

Ooh.

You'll still take vanilla, eh?
Yeah.

Uh-huh, well, I like chocolate.

[REFEREE WHISTLE BLOWS]
MAN: Let's go.

Hey, they're getting away.

CURLY: Oh, no, you don't.

MOE: Hey, will you guys
cut out playing games?

We got business to do.

LARRY:
Just a couple of questions.

MOE:
Wait a minute. Just a second.

LARRY: Here.

I'm getting sick of this.
How old are you?

Twenty-seven.
Now we're getting someplace.

Nineteen, , , .

Why don't you make up your mind?

CURLY: Oh.

[ALL CHEER]

[REFEREE WHISTLE BLOWS]

[SCREAMS]

Mm-- Oh!

Ah!

Hey, that's me.

That's-- That's-- That's me.

Hm, how did you get up there?

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[CURLY GRUNTS]

Why didn't you stop him,
applehead?

I couldn't.
He was in too big a hurry.

Wait a minute, if we could only
steal that ball,

they'd talk to us.
This'll stop them.

If we tie them down,
they can't get the ball.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Right.

Now, listen, knucklehead,

we'll hold them
and you grab the ball.

Hike.

Hike.

Ooh.

Go on.

Boy, you got brains
like Napoleon.

Napoleon's dead.

I know it.

[FABRIC RIPPING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS] [CROWD CHEERING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

[♪]