A chemical equation expresses in symbols
what happens in a chemical reaction.
On the left side are the reactants--
oh, sh**t.
And here on the right side
are the products.
Now, I want you to do all the equations
on page .
And don't think just because
I'm a substitute
you can skip all the work.
Man. You know what I'm thinkin'?
Come on in. We got all night.
Same thing I'm thinkin'.
Come on in. We got all night and a pizza.
Same thing I'm thinkin'.
Come on in.
They're discussing structural isomers
on the discovery channel.
Yeah.
♪ Every day's another lesson ♪
♪ And my head's in a whirl ♪
♪ If I make a wrong decision ♪
♪ It's not the end of the world ♪
♪ I will reach my destination ♪
♪ Make mistakes from a to z ♪
♪ With each mistake there's a new lesson ♪
♪ I can be anything you want to be ♪
-♪ Never experiencing a dumb phase
-Smart guy ♪
♪ He's ahead of the game at a young age ♪
♪ The intelligence of a grown man ♪
♪ Trapped inside of a young brain ♪
♪ He's a bit on the short side ♪
♪ But stands tall when you show the ball ♪
♪ That's why I'm hanging
With the smart guy ♪
♪ AKA Mr. know-it-all ♪
♪ Smart guy ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
-Why did she assign that?
-Alright, man.
Hey, how come you're home so late?
Yeah. We almost had to do
this homework by ourselves.
I stayed after school with Miss Cauldwell.
I was helping her go over her lesson plan.
I should stay after school
with Miss Cauldwell.
There's a couple things
I'd like to go over with her, too.
Guys, don't talk about her like that.
She's a nice lady.
Yeah. With some nice hmm-hmm!
I'm not kidding.
You guys better stop saying
those things about her.
Mmm-mmm!
Looks like we're not the only ones diggin'
Miss Cauldwell.
Yeah. Sound like somebody
got a little crush.
I do not.
I just respect her intelligence,
and I think she's a wonderfully
qualified educator.
♪ T.J.'s got a crush ♪
[both together] ♪ T.J.'s got a crush ♪
♪ T.J. knows what chemicals to put
In your orange juice ♪
♪ To make you pee in your sleep ♪
-Hey, guys.
-What's up?
Hey, Marcus, you got a letter.
From Burke University.
Burke University?
Hey, you're finally taking college
seriously, huh?
Yeah, right.
"Dear Marcus,
"over the past year, we at Burke
have followed your basketball career
"with increased interest.
"Although college is still
a year away for you,
"we hope you'll consider us.
"We have a limited number
of scholarship slots,
and we think you're deserving
of one of them."
Man, you know what this means?
Yeah. It means I don't have to do
that chemistry homework ever.
Wow, dog, I don't believe this.
Neither do I.
Neither do I.
Burke University
is a basketball powerhouse.
What do they want with you?
I mean, you know, you try hard,
but the only reason you're starting
is because that tall white kid got mono.
You know what it was?
It was that Franklin game.
We heard there was a recruiter there,
and that night you came up big.
Yeah, I scored six points in that game,
kept my hands up on defense,
plus I had my hair cut,
so I was lookin' good.
I remember that haircut.
I gave you that haircut.
Mm-hmm. Nice high fade
with your jersey number carved
into the sides.
I can get a scholarship, too.
Okay, moving on.
The strength of an acid depends upon?
The degree of its ionization
in a water solution.
Right again.
I wish I had someone like
you in all my classes.
It could be arranged.
[bell rings]
Okay, I want you to do
all the even-numbered problems
on the work page.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Hoo-hoo! That's a dope backpack, Marcus.
Oh, yeah. The guy from Burke University
sent it to me.
He said the University's
not really allowed to do it,
so he's doing it.
Hey. Check out this watch.
Oh, man they are sweatin' you.
Hey, man, I got skills.
They need my six points a game.
So, you need help cleaning up the lab?
Oh, I don't want you to miss lunch.
Oh, I don't mind.
Besides, I packed my lunch today.
I brought some extra cookies
if you'd like.
They're homemade.
Oh, thank you.
Pecan! I love pecan.
So do I.
Oh! You know, there's
this really big special
on cold fusion tomorrow night
on the Discovery channel.
You gonna watch it?
Oh, I'd like to, but I don't have cable
in my apartment.
How... you...
What?
Despite all the glamor and publicity
surrounding substitute teaching,
we don't make that much money.
You know what?
How about you come over
to my house and watch it?
In fact, you could even come to dinner.
I'll tell my dad to whip something up.
Oh, I don't know.
Isn't that kind of an imposition?
Oh, no. He loves having people over
for dinner.
He's always saying how sick
he is of looking at the three of us.
Alright. Well, then...
Sure. Why not?
Alright, then.
It's a date.
Okay. It's a date.
Marcus.
This just came for you.
Another box from that Ben Woodford guy.
Ha ha. He's that alumni guy
who sends me all the loot.
I do love to be pursued.
The only reason that they're
treating you like this
is 'cause you can bounce
some silly ball around.
And not even that well.
What about the students,
the people like me, who get good grades?
What do we get?
You get on my nerves.
Ooh. Burke sports bottle
with a flow regulator.
I'll take that.
Hey!
Forget her, Marcus. Look at this.
You made the McDonald's All-American
High school basketball team.
What? Man, I'm on a run.
See, here you are.
"Marcus Henderson, power forward,
"averages points a game,
-inch vertical leap,
won the state slam dunk contest--"
this isn't you.
Let me see that.
Man, Burke University got me mixed up
with some other Marcus Henderson.
He lives in Piedmont, Washington.
I go to Piedmont High in Washington, D.C.
Plus he's '".
Yeah. Which probably would explain
these size kicks they sent me.
I guess the letter and all this stuff
was supposed to go to the good Marcus.
sh**t.
[telephone rings]
Hello--
[ringing continues]
Hey give me that.
Hello.
[ringing continues]
[ring]
[ring]
[ring]
Your shoe is ringing.
I don't think it's for me.
Hmm.
Sound tall.
[ring]
[deep voice] Hello.
[Ben] Is this Marcus Henderson?
Yeah, it is.
Marcus, it's Ben Woodford
from the Burke University Alumni Club.
It's that guy from Burke.
What should I say?
Tell him you need another sports bottle--
and some money.
[Ben] I'm glad to see you got
your new phone,
and I just wanted to ask
if you've had a chance
to look over that Burke application.
Uh... hold on.
Should I tell him about the other Marcus?
Nah! This is their mistake.
Let them catch it.
Until they do, get all you can from 'em.
Listen Ben,
I just need some time to think it over.
[Ben] Oh, I understand.
You're under a lot of pressure.
How would you like backstage passes
to see Lauryn Hill
at The Bayou tomorrow night?
Uh, a lot?
[Ben] Pick 'em up at will-call.
They'll be in your name.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
And now our happy dance.
Lauryn Hill remix edition.
Wow. Look at all this food.
What's the special occasion?
T.J. invited a teacher over for dinner.
Miss Collenwell or something.
It's Miss Cauldwell. Natalie Cauldwell.
Please try not to embarrass me tonight.
-Is this the wine we're serving?
-Yes, it is.
This is bath water.
We can't serve my teacher Chardonnay
from Brooklyn.
We need the good stuff.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
The good stuff is not dinner
with the teacher wine.
The good stuff is third date
with somebody fine wine.
At least take the -cent
store sticker off of it.
Okay, I'm gonna go clean up
the living room.
I've never seen him this worked up
over a teacher before.
What's gotten into him?
Please, Dad.
It's obvious what's going on here.
He wants everything to be perfect.
It's not like he's trying
to buy good grades.
-He's fixing you up.
-Oh, no!
[doorbell rings]
[T.J.] I'll get it!
I can't believe my -year-old son
is trying to fix me up
with his science teacher.
-Come on, do I look that desperate?
-Yeah.
It's just one dinner.
Besides, Miss Cauldwell
has a very nice personality.
Oh, lord! She's a wilder-beast!
Just be nice and make the most of it.
[sighs]
Oh! Miss Cauldwell, this is my dad.
Oh, hello.
Oh... hello.
[softly] Put out the good wine.
You want some more pie, Miss Cauldwell?
Oh, no thanks. It was delicious.
Well, there's still minutes
until the documentary starts.
If you want, I can show you the web site
where I got all the information
on Mendeleev's theory.
Uh, T.J., you're not in class.
I'm sure Miss Cauldwell doesn't want
to talk about chemistry tonight.
Why don't you two go in the living room
and have your coffee and... chat?
-Sounds like a good idea.
-Okay
Yeah, good idea.
Uh... I need your help in here, T.J.
It's your night to do the dishes.
Yeah, and it's your night to be in here.
-Dry.
-I don't want to.
Well, I don't care.
What do you want to hear?
I got everything from
Rick James to Mozart.
What, no Marilyn Manson?
No, I lent that to my granddaddy.
Do you have any Duke Ellington?
Yeah, I got some sir Duke.
You like that?
I love that.
Look, there's a swing club down
on th street
that plays jazz all night long.
They got a live band and a dance floor.
You want to go?
Well, I promised T.J. I'd watch
that science show with him.
I don't think he's going to mind.
I sort of think this is what
he wanted to happen.
-Well, then, sure. Sounds like fun.
-Great.
T.J., you got those dishes under control?
You know, it's Yvette's night to do--
Good, 'cause Natalie
and I are going dancing.
-Dancing?
-Thanks, T.J., I had a really nice time.
Oh, good.
Be sure to tape that show for Natalie.
Way to go, Cupid.
I think you made a love connection.
I think he really likes her.
In the ground state, chromium atoms
have five D electrons
and how many S electrons?
T.J.?
What?
How many S electrons does chromium have?
I don't know nothin' about no electrons.
[bell rings]
T.J., can I talk to you?
Is something bothering you?
No.
Seemed like it.
You were sour, bored, unresponsive.
Almost like a regular student.
Can't hit a home run every time.
This doesn't have anything to do
with last night, does it?
No.
Oh, here.
I taped the stupid science show for you.
Maybe you can watch it
with my dad sometime.
Oh, I see. T.J., wait.
Look, I'm sorry.
You invited me over to see
that show with you,
and then I left with your father.
That was pretty rude.
It didn't bother me.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
You are the brightest student
I've ever seen,
and I value our relationship.
-Really?
-Absolutely.
A remarkable young man like
you doesn't come along very often.
Heh. That's true.
And you're a remarkable teacher.
Thank you.
Bye.
Oh, boy.
There you go. Ha ha!
[beep]
Marcus Henderson?
This is Lanny Musio, head coach
of your Burke University Bobcats.
My buddy Ben Woodford tells me
you're balking at our offer.
Now, I know a blue-chipper like you
has plenty of offers to go dancing.
So here's the deal.
Or as you kids say, the dealio.
I'm flying out from Indiana
to see you personally.
I'll be there Saturday ,
a.m. in the morning.
Coach Lanny Musio's comin' courtin'.
Did you hear that?
Yeah, he really wants you.
Yeah, and he's going to be pretty upset
when he finds out he flew all the way
from Indiana to meet the wrong guy.
-You didn't know, so technically--
-Stop that!
I know. You know.
And when coach Musio walks
through that door, he's gonna know,
and I'm gonna go, "really?
I thought it was me."
Then my dad's going to look me in the eye
and know I'm lying
because I'm the worst liar in the world.
Then he's gonna k*ll me.
Then I'll be dead.
Then I'm gonna have to send back
all that stuff.
Or you can call him up and tell him
that you decided to go to another college.
That way the coach doesn't have to come
down here and you keep all the stuff.
That'll work. That'll work. Yeah.
See, I already gave
six girls my cell number.
-Rhonda's on speed dial.
-Ooh-hoo, I like it.
Listen, T.J.,
I stopped by to see Miss Cauldwell today.
-Really?
-Yeah.
And she told me about this little...
...situation between the three of us.
Yeah.
I didn't mean to force her to choose
between you and me.
I hope there's no hard feelings.
No, no, none at all.
So you're really taken with her, huh?
I don't know about taken.
But when I see her,
I feel like I'm going up and down
in an elevator real fast,
and my head's spinning,
and my ears are pounding,
and I like it, and--
Okay, I guess "taken" would be accurate.
I remember feeling that way.
And it's just what you should be feeling
at this age.
-Yeah. I'm right on schedule.
-Mm-hmm.
Do you see any hair up here?
Yeah, yeah, it could be.
But here's the thing
about these feelings, Teej.
You have the best chance
of having them returned
if you direct them at somebody
your own age.
Oh. I see what's going on here.
Well, that's the advantage
of having a genius for a son.
You just want to get rid of me
so you can have a clear sh*t at her.
What, are you nuts?
That's not it at all.
It is so. You can't deal with the fact
that she picked me instead of you.
She's . You're years old.
Yeah, when I'm , she'll be .
We both will be entering a sexual peaks.
Thats right. Sexual peaks. I look it up.
She is not interested in you
in that way, T.J.
That's not true.
She looked at me and said I'm remarkable
and she values our relationship.
Her eyes did not lie.
-You're way off base here, Teej.
-And you're jealous.
She likes me and I like her,
and you're just going
to have to deal with it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll be in the bathroom shaving.
-What up, Marcus?
-What up?
-Ready to go?
-Yeah, just gotta go get my lunch.
[telephone rings]
-Hello?
-Marcus, Ben Woodford here.
I wanted to catch you
before you left for school.
Listen, Ben, you gotta quit calling, man,
'cause I'm telling you,
the only reason why I picked
that other school
is 'cause it was real strong
on agriculture.
You know that's where America's heading.
Well, the coaches at Burke,
they just don't give up that easy.
Why don't you just take a look
in your driveway?
Listen, Ben, you got
a good school and all,
but I'm trying to tell you--
Oh, my god.
[Ben] What do you think, Marcus?
It's a car!
He really loves it. He'll get back to you.
Man, I can't keep this.
What am I going to tell Dad?
Nothing. We'll park it in Maryland.
We'll only drive it at night.
If we drive it during the day,
we'll wear masks.
Your dad will never know.
What do you think?
It's a car, fool.
Whose car is this in my driveway?
It's mine, Mr. Henderson.
You know, I've been saving up--
birthday money, odd jobs, recycling cans.
Whose car is this in my driveway?
It's from the guy at Burke University.
What is he doing sending you a car?
It's the whole recruitment thing.
The whole system's corrupt, I tell you.
Yeah, you just lose sight
of your moral compass
when you try to land a top prospect
such as myself.
Top prospect?
You're not even the best player
on a team that's two and eight.
Well, here's where it gets funny.
You gonna laugh. Whoo!
See, it turns out there's
this High school all-American
in Piedmont, Washington,
also named Marcus Henderson.
We read about him in the paper last week.
And they got me and him mixed up.
-Whoo!
-Whoo!
Well, that explains a lot.
Now, that is funny.
I mean, they're trying to sign
this hotshot High school ball player
from Washington state,
and they send you a car.
Yeah, but not just a car.
They sent him sports bottles, sweatshirts.
Show him the cell phone.
Nice.
[ring]
And it works.
-Hello.
-[Ben] Marcus? Ben Woodford.
-No, this is his father.
-[Ben] Really?
Well, I'm a friend of Burke University
and a friend of your son's,
and we've had just a grand time
getting to know each other
over the last several days.
You've been speaking to the boys
over the last several days?
[Ben] That is correct, sir.
Over the last several days, Ben,
did Marcus happen to tell you
that the Marcus Henderson you want
lives in Piedmont, Washington?
[Ben] No. Would have remembered that.
Well, Ben, here's the thing.
If I ever hear your name around my house,
I mean, ever...
I'm going to call the NCAA.
Now, you can remember that, can't you?
[Ben] Okey-doke. I'll sure do my best.
We were going to tell him.
When? After they gave you a house?
I tried to stop him.
I told him I wasn't interested
in their school.
Yeah, but you didn't tell him that
you were the wrong Marcus Henderson,
'cause you wanted to keep the stuff.
But in my defense,
it was some really great stuff.
Still, I would have expected you
to have a little more integrity.
Alright. I'll pack up the stuff
and put it in the trunk
and call the guy so he can
pick up the car this afternoon.
Make it after the weekend.
The University needs
to learn a lesson, too.
When they get it back,
it's gonna be a used car.
[chuckles] I got shotgun!
Hey, T.J., whatcha doin'?
Oh, just writing a poem for someone.
Oh, really? Let me see.
What was that for?
That's for being
a selfish little brat to Dad.
What do you mean?
I mean, that he's got a real good sh*t
at something great with Miss Cauldwell,
but you're screwing it up.
But I have real feelings for her.
I'm sure you do.
And Dad has to be sensitive
to those feelings because he's Dad.
I, on the other hand, can do this.
Ow! Thank god I wasn't writing a novel.
Look, T.J., I just overheard him
on the phone
telling her that they can't see
each other anymore
because you're so upset.
And you know what I think?
Don't worry. I'm not gonna hit you again.
Not so smart, are you?
Look, T.J., this is your first crush,
and you're going to have many more.
But Dad doesn't get to meet
a lot of women.
He's got a job, he's busy raising us,
and he drives a truck
that smells like tar.
And then, when he finally meets a woman
that he really likes, you go and--
you--
Oh, forget it.
You may be a genius,
but you're still only years old.
Hey, Dad...
I've been thinking about Miss Cauldwell.
-Oh.
-Yeah.
And it occurs to me that even
though I saw her first,
you know, maybe she's more your type.
And I think the sporting thing for me
to do would be to step aside and...
give you a chance.
Really?
-You'd do that for me?
-Of course.
Besides, I'm a lot younger,
and I'm going to have a lot more chances.
Whereas you... well...
you're--
-you're--
-I get it, son.
-You're old.
-I got that.
So, then I have your blessing
to give her a call
and maybe get together sometime?
How about now?
I gave her a call.
I thought you two might go dancing.
-Thanks, Teej.
-No problem.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Hello.
By the way,...
I'm expecting a way expensive gift
for my birthday.
You're the man.
[beep]
Marcus. Ben Woodford.
Hope you had a lovely holiday season.
My wife and I went to our house
by the lake that we enjoy so much
and had ourselves a nice goose.
Anyhoo, it's been a few weeks
since we sent you the car, by mistake,
and your father did lead us to believe
we'd be getting it back,
at some point.
Now, I'm not one to be pushy,
and I'm sure you realize you got us
over a barrel.
Still and all, two wrongs
don't make a right,
and the other Marcus Henderson's
leaning toward UCLA.
So we kinda need that car.
Give me a jingle.
[beep]
[clapper]
I've never working for this guy again.
03x18 - Crushed
Watch/Buy Amazon
T.J. Henderson, who moves from being an elementary school student in the fourth grade to a high school student in the tenth grade, attending the same school as his two elder siblings.
T.J. Henderson, who moves from being an elementary school student in the fourth grade to a high school student in the tenth grade, attending the same school as his two elder siblings.