04x05 - Quest for Retire

[bunniefuu]

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

It's okay, Kraus.
I'll come back when you're
through shedding your skin.

I am exercising, dummy.

I want to lose pounds.

Have you weighed
your tongue?

Good morning.
Oh, good morning.

Hi, Miss Kraus.
I brought you some nice,
fresh vegetables.

You better not track mud
from that garden

or you're gonna have
nice, fresh bruises.

Oh, Miss Kraus,
I take the mud off my shoes.

Good morning, Bens.

Good morning, Charlie.
How's it going?

Oh, it's
a beautiful day.

The sun, she's up,
the sky's blue
and the squash is ripe.

What could be better
than that?

Well, the moon is up,
the stars are out

and I'm in the arms
of Lola Falana.

Fat chance.

Don't say that, Kraus.

I bet if she see him,
she go crazy.

Oh, that remind me.
I brought you something.

You brought me
Lola Falana?

Zucchini.

Not even close.

GOVERNOR:
Good morning, everybody.

ALL: Good morning.
Katie's just been showing me
her little garden.

Charlie, I want to thank you
for all your help.

Oh, no, sir.
She do all by herself.

I grew this.

It's a carrot.

Ja, ja. We can see that,
can't we, Benson?

Yeah, that's a fine carrot,
a splendid carrot,

about a one-carat carrot.

Miss Kraus, do you think

we could have it
for dinner tonight?

Uh, sure.
How do you want it,
baked or glazed?

Can you cook it
so the wrinkles come out?

You better be on your way
to school.

Sometimes it feels
like I spent my entire
life in school.

See you guys later.

Okay.
Bye.

I wonder why kids
hate school.

Probably because they're
the only ones who have to go.

Oh! Yeah.
That's a good point.

Well, I better
get back to work.

I got to sing to my garden.
Otherwise, nothing she grow.

Well, enjoy
your vegetables.

Oh, Charlie, you're always
bringing us vegetables.

What can I do
to thank you?

Stand in the garden
and scare the crows away.

Miss Kraus, you want to do
something nice for Charlie?

Next week
is my birthday.

How about you make me
a little cake?

Oh, your birthday.
Congratulations, Charlie.

Ja, ja. How old
are you going to be?

How sounds to you ?

Like an estimate.

Bens, how many time
I got to tell you,

you just as old
as you feel?

And me, I feel .

Forty, tops.

Ah, men are so lucky.
They never show their age.

Hey, Benson, what would you
guess my age to be?

Kraus, there are two topics
I never discuss with women,

that's my income
and their age.

Come on, Benson, guess.

You won't offend me.

What's the point
in guessing?

Denise, you have
the housing report?

No, Benson.

Oh, by the way,
I wanted to thank you
for the zucchini.

My pleasure.
What did you do with it?

Gave it to my mother.

The housing report?

No, the zucchini.
My mom cooked it.

But you did finish
the housing report.

Yeah. Boy, the things
she can do with a zucchini.

She bakes it,
she fries it...

Where is it now?

We ate it.

I meant the housing report.

I put it on your desk.

Hmm, is this going to
be one of those days?

Oh, I hope so, Benson.

Downey's at the top
of the key.

He fakes left, he drives
towards the basket.

Passes to DuBois!

DuBois spins,
drives forward,

grabs Downey by the tie
and says, "What in the hell
are you doing in my office?"

That's a personal foul.
Two sh*ts.

Since when did my office
become the boys' club?

Actually, we came in to see
if we could help you.

Well, you can help me.

Take Magic Downey back
to the locker room and
close the door behind you.

Benson, we stopped by
to see what sort of progress

you're making on this
land development bill.

Clayton, I know you've looked
through everything on my desk,
so you tell me.

I resent the implication,
but from what I can see,
you're a little behind.

And your little behind
is in my chair.

Now, will you get out of here?
I've got work to do.

Tell him about
the three-day weekend.

Eh, buh, buh, buh, buh.

Benson, there are only
two weeks left till
the legislative session.

If you get
that bill out today, we can
all take a three-day weekend.

Yep.
Benson.

Don't disappoint us.

I want a three-day weekend
as much as you guys do,

but I can't do it
if you're going to sit
here in my office.

So, please.

There everybody is.

Listen, I was just
looking at the calendar.

Yes, sir, we know.

You do?
Yeah, we're gonna try
for a three-day weekend.

We are?

You think the legislature
will pass it?

(LAUGHS)

Governor, he means
if we get caught up
in our work,

we can all take
a three-day weekend.

Oh!

Oh, what's that got to do
with the calendar?

I think I'll work at home
this afternoon.

Sir, you said you were
looking at the calendar.

Oh, I was.

Twenty-five years ago today,
I got out of the navy.

This makes today
my silver naval anniversary.

Congratulations, sir.

Boy, that is a day
I will never forget.

Of course, I would
have if I hadn't looked
at the calendar.

Oh, the stories
I could tell.

Well, I got to run.

All the characters I met
during the w*r.

You're not gonna try to name
them all now, are you, sir?

Oh, no,
I don't think I could.

Thank you.

The sad part is remembering
all my buddies that died
over there.

I wonder what ever
happened to them.

Well, I'd love to discuss
theology with you, sir,

but I have a lot of work
to do.

Oh, of course.

It's almost lunchtime anyhow.

You know, Benson,
I think I'll have a bowl
of navy-bean soup.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Alone at last.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

What's wrong, Charlie?

I can't
understand you.

(CONTINUES IN ITALIAN)

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Subtitles, Charlie.
Subtitles.

Read that.

Do you know what that is?

That's a notice from
the state of my retirement.
My retirement.

You don't
got to read that.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

What is the matter?

I'm too young to retire.

Too young? Charlie,
you're at least years old.

See, even I fool you.

I .

The mandatory retirement age
in this state is .

You've already beat the system
by three years.

I beat it?

Oh, excuse me.

I didn't know life
is one big game show.

Beep! Time's out.
You lose.
Next contestant.

Some people would consider
retirement a happy occasion.

Some people
don't love their job.

I love my job,
and I do very good.

You couldn't find nobody
do better.

I got -year knowledge.
You want to waste that?

Waste that.

Wait a minute.
Come on, Charlie.
Come on. Come on.

Sit down.

Calm down.

Relax.

Why'd you come in here
with this?

Because you big shot,
and you could fix it.

Charlie, believe me,
I am not a big shot.

No tell me.
I got the ear.

You big shot.

And you could do something
for your friend.

Okay, okay, I'll make
some calls, see what I can do.

God bless you, Benson.

You know, I got
a cousin, and he's
a priest in the Vatican.

I gonna have him make
a nice novena for you.

Something special
you want?

Two tickets to Rome.

You know, Bens,
you wonderful human being.

Little bit greedy,
but wonderful.

Just for that,
I gonna make you
a nice, special zucchini.

Charlie, I don't
really like zucchini.

Hey, zucchini good
for your brain.
That's fish.

Good for your eyes.
That's carrots.

How about
your sex life?
I'll have it for lunch.

Oh, come on, Jennifer.
You know I like your mother.

What does she mean
it's time I met the family?

Well, people
don't say things like that

unless they've been led
to believe something

that we both agreed was
too soon to even talk about.

Okay, well,
let's talk about it tonight.

Then we can talk about me
not talking about it then.

All right, baby,
I'll see you later, okay?
Bye-bye.

Jennifer, huh?

How'd you know?

You use that cute
little voice with her.

So, what is it you want?

Do you think it's fair
for people

to turn their backs on Charlie
after all these years?

Katie, I have already
discussed this with
Mrs. Alvarez.

Who's that?

She's the head
of the state personnel board.

If anybody can help,
she can.

But if she can't?

Well, he'll...

Get the ax.

Why would they pass a law
to hurt people like Charlie?

Well, they thought
they were passing a law

that would be good
for people like Charlie.

It's funny how old people
are treated like children
sometimes.

I don't get you.

They're always being told
what's good for them

instead of being asked.

Yeah.

So, how come
you're growing up so fast?

Hormones, I guess.

Excuse me, Benson,
Mrs. Alvarez is on line one.

Thank you, Denise.

Hello, Mrs. Alvarez.

Were you able
to come up with anything?

Wait a minute now.
Wait, wait now.

Don't start quoting me
facts and figures.

This is a human being
we're talking about,
not a statistic.

Well, yes, he is old,
but he still qualifies
as a human being.

No exceptions?

Well, thank you very much,
Mrs. Alvarez.

It's nice to know
that in our golden years,

we'll all be ignored equally.
Bye-bye.

Well, Benson,
you did your best.

I'm sure Charlie
will understand.

I hope so.

I'm just glad I'm not
the one who has to tell him.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

Benson, Charlie is worried
because he hasn't heard
anything about his job.

Excuse me, Bens,
I don't mean to bother you.

You are no bother.

He said he'll help you,
he'll help you.

Right, Benson?

Thank you, Bens,
thank you.

Charlie,
I talked to Mrs. Alvarez.

You see?
He talked to Mrs. Alvarez.

That's nice, nice.

She said there's nothing
she can do.

You see?
She said there's
nothing she...

You call that helping?

I'm sorry, Charlie.

You mean that's it?

I'm finished?

Well, maybe not,
you know.

Maybe there's a loophole.

Che loophole?

All of my life,
I never have one loophole.

I go through
the Depression,

I go through two wars
and three kids,

and I lose
my beautiful wife,

and I never seen
no loophole.

Well, I don't blame you
for being angry.

I'm no angry, Bens.

To tell you for true,
I'm scared.

I never was so damn scared
in my whole life.

I did what I could do.

It wasn't good enough.

Kraus, it's the law.

It's a stupid law.

Well, I agree.

Then do something
about it.

I'm only one man.
The man
Charlie counted on.

Well, I haven't quit yet.

Good, then get on it.
Right.

Today.
Right.

Und let me know
when you've made progress.

Right.

I hate it when she's right!

Now?

You want to send a bill
to the legislature now?

Well, it's the last chance
we have

before they
make Charlie retire.

If we work
through the weekend,
we can ram it through.

One more hour, and I'd
have been on a plane
to Rosarito Beach.

This bill is important, Pete.
One of these days,
you're gonna be old.

Yep, and I won't have any
memories of Rosarito Beach.

Benson, aren't you going
a wee bit overboard?

I mean, most people
want to retire

when they reach
Charlie's age.

Yeah, but those who don't
shouldn't be forced to.

Charlie should
bow out gracefully.

He has passed
his point of usefulness.

Passed his point
of usefulness?

Have you seen
his zucchini?

Sir, it's irrelevant
remarks like that

that add nothing
to the conversation.

Clayton, when I'm talking
to you, it is a nothing
conversation.

All right, all right.
We've gone far enough.

No, sir, I can
go a lot farther.
But you won't.

Well...

No.

Hey, you know,
you guys really don't
need me for a bill.

Oh, yes, we do, Pete.

With this kind of deadline,
we need all the P.R.
we can get...

Newspapers,
television, radio.

Right.

I think it's
a waste of time.

Clayton, we know
what you think.

I'm through, as long
as I've made myself clear.

As a bell, Clayton,
but I agree with Benson.

It's time we stop
discriminating against people
because of their age.

Here are the notes.
Get your staff to work on it.

Yes, sir.

(SINGSONG)
It's a waste of time.

You better get busy,
too, Pete.

Okay, who's gonna be
the spokesman on this thing?

Oh, this
is Benson's bill.

So you'll
do interviews?
Anything.

Okay, I'll get back to you.

Come on, Benson.
Don't be so upset.

We're gonna go for it.

Going for it and getting it
are two different things, sir.

Well, that's true.

This reminds me of the fox
and the chickens.

Oh, when did you
start doing fables?

One summer I was staying
with Uncle Eddie
and Aunt Flo,

and they had
a chicken ranch.

And that's when you
started doing fables?

Anyway,
they had these chickens.

And presumably a fox.

Have I told you this?
It sounds familiar.

How I rub myself
in chicken fat

and get feathers
stuck all over me?

Ooh, we're
in virgin territory.

See, it was my plan
to catch the fox

that had been stealing
Uncle Eddie's chickens.

Uncle Eddie said
it could not be done,

that the fox
would smell me.

So that's when you decided
to take a bath in chicken fat.

That's right!
You're right!

And Aunt Flo said
it couldn't be done

'cause the fox
would hear me.

So you know what I did?

I tied pillows to my feet.
(LAUGHS)

Now, try to picture this,
Benson.

I'm sneaking along, see,
very slowly...

Governor, Governor,
Governor,

I'm not going to be actually
trying to catch a fox,

so I don't need
the entire procedure.

You don't want to hear it?
All right.

The point of the story
is that there will always
be people

who tell you
it can't be done,

so it's up to
people like us

to just go ahead
and try it anyway.

I'm afraid
that low-pressure system

is just gonna be there
the rest of the week.

Patty, you remember
yesterday

I said we were gonna have
clear skies and sunny weather?

Well, I was wrong.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)

Okay, all you hot dogs,
take your best shot.

You know, Bens,
I don't think I'm
gonna to do this.

I'm too nervous.

Just calm down, Charlie.
You'll do fine.

Yeah, but this is
so important.

What if I say
something dumb?

Don't worry about it.
They'll think
you're the weatherman.

So, what's the forecast?

It's for rain, rain...

And more rain.

Bad news for all you
solar-energy folks,

but good news for
all you gardeners, huh?

And speaking of gardens,

look what I grew
for you, Patty.

How about that?

A tomato
for a "tomahto."

Oh, thank you, Jerry.

In the studio with us today
is Benson DuBois,

state budget director
and a leading proponent
of a bill

designed to repeal
the mandatory retirement
age in the state.

Mr. DuBois, why do you want
to see the age limit removed?

Well, Patty, because this
is an outdated law.

You tell 'em, Bens.

How would your change
affect the people who
want to retire?

Well, it wouldn't actually
affect them at all.

As a matter of fact,
they would have a choice,

and that's what
we're talking about.

Every citizen should be free
to compete in the marketplace.

That's why I come
to this country.

This is Charlie Rosano,

and he's a perfect example
of what I'm talking about.

Here's a man with
years of experience...

Fifty.

Fifty years' experience
and still going strong.

Yeah, Charlie.

Fifty years
of experience,

and now the law is
telling him he's through.

Well, Mr. Rosano,
what do you have
to say about this?

Me?

I don't got nothing to say.

You had a lot to say
when I was talking.

I don't know nothing
about the politic,

but anything were
to grow in the soil,

I could tell you
everything about.

You see that tomato?
Let me show you something.

You see that green stuff
on the top?

That's no good.
I prove it to you.

Here. You take a bite.

You see that face?
You know why?

He pick too soon.

They don't use enough
fertilizer, either.

I couldn't understand
the gardener people,

why they don't use
the fertilizer.

After all,
the cow give it for free.

Charlie, Charlie,
get back on the subject

or the fertilizer
is going to hit the fan.

Let me tell you people
something.

Look at this corn.

When you go to the market,
don't be ashamed.

Pull back. Pull back.
Take a look.

If the kernel is not soft
and plump and good and yellow,
no take.

You could holler
at the produce man,

but don't take that junk
to your family.

Thanks for that tip,
Charlie.

Hey, let me tell you
something else.
You got a garden?

You got a vine borer
in your garden?

You got a leafhopper?

Onion maggot?

I tell you,
the best pesticide...

You mix up some
jalapeno juice, black pepper
and talcum powder.

Yeah, it kills your bugs,

and your corn
won't have diaper rash.

Uh, with time
running out,

do either of you
have any final comments?

Well, Patty,
if we could get back
to the retirement bill

for just a moment here,

uh, I'd like to say
that it is easy

to ignore the problems
of the other fellow,

but when it comes to
age discrimination,

someday, each of us
will be the other fellow.

Thank you, Mr. DuBois.

Charlie?

I tell you something, kiddo.

You got nice lemons.

You're pretty cute
yourself.

Well, thank you both
for being with us.

We'll be right back
with a report on health
club rip-offs.

You know something,
Bens?

You don't come off too good
on television.

You should relax.

Charlie, we went
in there to talk about
the retirement bill,

and you spent the entire time
talking about vegetables.

I did? I'm sorry.

But you know something,
Bens?

The vegetable,
she excite me.

Well, that's one
the moral majority
never heard of.

Oh, there you are,
Benson.

I'm afraid I have
some bad news.

What,
the retirement bill?

It didn't pass.

Oh, I was sure
we could get it through.

You did a fine job.
We lost by four votes.

Well, we'll try again
next session.

But that will be too late
to help Charlie.

You mean that's it?
Goodbye, Charlie?

I'm afraid so,
Miss Kraus.

Do you want me to
tell him, Benson?

No, sir. I, uh...
I'm the one who
got his hopes up.

All right.

Tell him from me,
I'm sorry.

Tough one to lose.

Don't worry, Benson.

I'll stay with you.
We'll both tell Charlie.

That's all right, Gretchen.
I can handle it.

No, no, I want to help.
What are friends for?

Thanks.
I appreciate it.

CHARLIE: Hello.
Anybody home?

Ah.

Eh... Uh...

(SOBS) Oh!

What's with her?

Sit down, Charlie.
Hmm?

I don't know quite
how to tell you this.

(SOBS)

Thanks, Kraus.

Why the long face?

Well, let me begin

by saying that this is not
a reflection on you. Uh...

You know, we all
like you very much,

and we think you're doing
an excellent job.

As you know, we're not
dealing with an individual.

We're dealing with
the law.

(SOBS)

Thanks, Kraus.

You don't mean that...

Just let me finish,
Charlie.

Laws are not made
to hurt people.

They're made to help.

Some help.

So, what you say...

That the bill
for the old people,
she don't pass, huh?

Right, right,
and that means that, uh,

we can't do anything
about your job.

Oh, Charlie,
I'm so sad for you.

Oh, Miss Kraus,
you no be sad.

Don't worry
about Charlie.

Charlie,
we got to worry about you.

Two weeks ago,
you were so upset about this

that you couldn't
talk in English.

No, two weeks ago,
I was no big star on the TV.

Benson,
he's off the edge.

No, Miss Kraus, no.

The man from Channel Seven,
he called.

He said,
"Charlie, how you like
to be the garden expert

"on the : news?"

And I say, "My shows."

So, I gonna be
like my paisano,
Joe, the greengrocer.

Charlie, listen,
if you knew all this,

why'd you let me get myself
all worked up over this?

Why stop you?
It was such a nice moment.

You mean I got all upset
over nothing?

Don't say for nothing,
Miss Kraus.

There's lots of old people
out there.

Somebody
got to care for them.

And it's up to you, Bens.

You got to work hard and push
that retire bill through.

We will, Charlie.

After all,
not everybody your age

gets to be
a TV personality.

I'm lucky.

I'm Italian.

Like they say,
I see you on the tube.

Oh, Charlie Rosano
on TV.

Some people
got all the luck.

(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know,
I've thought for years
that you should be on TV.

Oh? Like Julia Child?

No. Like Wild Kingdom.

Hey, Benson.

Did you catch Charlie
on TV last night?

No, for some reason
I missed him.

He did a history
of the zucchini.

I was reading.

You know something, Benson?

Charlie's got the right idea.
I'm never gonna retire.

They'll have to carry me
out of here in a box.

Isn't that how
they brought you in?

I have an Uncle Klaus
who lived to be .

He worked until the day
he died.

What did he do?

He raised Angora cats.

What did he die of?

Hairballs.