03x13 - Street Gangs

[bunniefuu]

Uh, Kraus,
have you seen Pete?

Kraus?
Get lost, Benson.
I'm trying to think.

I admire people
who take things up
late in life.

Oh, ja?

Well, it just so happens
that I am going
to become famous.

Do you know
who Barbara Cartland is
or Helen Van Slyke?

Yeah, they write
those gooey love stories.

Those gooey love stories
sell millions und millions
of copies.

So if they can do it,
you can, too?

Ja. I have already started
to write.

About what?

About pages.

Uh, Kraus,
I meant the story.

It's a story
about all the things
I've done in my lifetime.

You can Call it
"Tales of the unnatural."

Hiya, guys.
Hi.

Benson,
do you buy your groceries
at the Golden Egg markets?

Yeah.

Are you collecting
the game stickers

for the paradise
sweepstakes?

No, I thought I'd get
to paradise by leading
a virtuous life.

Good, then you can
let me have your stickers.

I only need one more
to win a vacation house
on Maui.

Hey, I'm trying
to create here.

Would you two walk west
until your hats fit?

I love the way the Europeans
have enriched our language.

Yeah. Well,
I'll see you later.

Hey, aren't you going
with me for that speech?

Well, Benson,
to tell you the truth,

I'd rather not go
into that neighborhood.
It's a high-crime area.

What are you worried about?
You ain't got nothing
they want.

Yeah, that's the problem.
When they find out

that you don't have anything,
they get nasty.

Well, that is true.
But you'd be passing up
a free lunch.

It's not worth the risk.

I guess that
neighborhood is worse
than I thought it was.

Look at that.

I have finished
the first page of my book.

Great. Then you only got
to go.

Give me a break.

I've never done this before.
It's my first time.

Are you talking to me,
or is that a quote
from your book?

Okay, where'd he go?

Hey, hey.
Where'd who go, man?

I didn't see anybody.
Hey, Spider, you see anybody?

No, man, I haven't seen
anybody for weeks.

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Come on, come on!

Black kid about this tall,
jeans, bandana,
carrying a briefcase.

Hey, that description
could fit anybody, eh?

Then you won't mind
if I look around.

It's your life, man.
What?

Hey, man, we're the Hornets,
a well-known street g*ng.

Didn't you read about us
in the Sunday supplement?

No, I didn't read about you
in the Sunday supplement.

I don't want no trouble
out of you guys.
I just want my briefcase.

Say, man,
I'm making a phone Call!

Get out here!

That's my briefcase.

Briefcase?
I thought this was a radio.

Hey, what's going on here?

You want to tell him?

Nothing.

I was making a speech
across the street,

and as I was getting
in my car,

your young friend here
snatched my briefcase.

You ripped his briefcase,
Johnny?

Hey, Cal, it was just sitting
there on the sidewalk.

What did you expect it to do,
get on the bus?

Give it back.
I said, give it back!

You wanna press charges?

No, I got my briefcase.
That's good enough for me.

I'm gonna press
a few of my own. Johnny,
turn in your jacket.

His jacket?

Yo, Cal, don't come down
on me like that.

Hey, look, you know
the rules, Little John.

Into my office.
I'll talk to you later.

It's a jive briefcase
anyway!

Hold on. You still ain't
told me your name.
My name is Benson Dubois.

I'm Calvin Walker,
president of the Hornets.

Sorry about Little John.

Say, man, haven't I seen
your picture in the paper?

Don't you work
for the Governor?

Is that right?
Yeah, I'm the state
budget director.

Budget director, huh?

What's that?
That's the man
with the money.

You know, you ain't exactly
our best friend down here,

cutting off of the youth
employment program.

What you got against kids
making a buck?

You know, I'm sure glad
he stole my briefcase.

Otherwise I'd be missing
all this abuse.

I was just asking you
a straight question.

If your funds got cut off,
I'm sorry,

but that's no reason
to go around stealing.

Yo, hold on.

The Hornets are
a neighborhood organization,

made up of kids
who need social
and vocational direction.

Now, I restructured it,
I run it,

and I don't stand
for no stealing,

fighting, mugging,
or none of that.

Then Little John
is freelancing?

Hey, look, man,
I can't watch every kid
in the neighborhood.

Some of 'em
are going to do wrong.
Now, that's for sure.

But it ain't no different
down here than it is up there
where you are.

Sometimes things
don't work out right.

But it all runs on trust
and faith in people.

We work.
Refinishing furniture,

washing cars,
painting apartments.

Yeah, self-employment
for teenagers.

Okay, I stand corrected.

We got something good
started down here.

But, hey,
I don't know how long
I can hold it together

without some help,
Mr. Budget director.

Yeah, like can't you give us
some jobs or something?

Unfortunately, I don't need
any furniture refinished.

No, like I hear on the tube.
You know, government jobs.

That's right, like
building aircraft carriers
and nuclear weapons.

You're gonna need
a bigger clubhouse for that.

He's got an idea there.
I mean, ain't there
something small we can do?

Look, the state has contracts
which come up for bid
all the time.

Why don't you look into it?
If you see something you
can do, apply for it.

But what kind of jobs
do they have open now?

I'll send you a list, huh?

And I'll also send you
some pamphlets

on how to submit
a proposal.

We can do that.
What's a proposal?

A proposal is where you write
down what you're gonna do

and how much
you're gonna charge for it.

I'll tell you what, Benson.

I'll go back with you and pick
up those pamphlets in person

just so you don't forget.

I'm glad you thought
of that, Calvin.

Otherwise I'd have had to tie
a string around my finger.

As Brunhilde stood
on the mountainside,

listening for the sound
of Lance's horse, Malvolio...

...she prayed tonight would
be the night.

She stood there waiting,
waiting, waiting, waiting...

I think she's waiting
too long.

Hi, Ms. Kraus.
Oh, hi, Katie.

What are you doing?
Oh, I'm sort of writing
a book.

Can I read it?
Um, I don't think so,
Katie.

This is a book
about adults.

"Little Women"
is about adults.

They made us read that.

Yeah, but the little women
in "Little Women"

didn't have to protect their
virtue from the little men.

Oh. Are you writing
one of those sexy books?

Um, I'll let you know
when I'm finished.

Great. I'll be old enough
to read it by then.
(LAUGHING)

Hi, Katie, Kraus.
KRAUS: Hi.

Uh, this
is Calvin Walker.
Hi.

What's happenin'?

Not much.
Just laying low. Later.

She's been watching
"Soul Train."

Uh, this is Ms. Kraus.

I am head
of household affairs.

How you doing, mama?

I am not your mama.

You don't know
how lucky you are.

Why don't you grab yourself
a cup of coffee?

I'll go get
the pamphlets.
Thanks.

I'll get the coffee.

So, uh, what is the Hornets?
A softball team?

No, we're a street g*ng.
A street g*ng. Uh-huh.

Well, you don't do
a very good job.

The streets
are full of potholes.

One strange lady.

KRAUS: I hear you!

(HUMMING) Ah!

A-a-a-ah!

Now, keep calm.
Keep calm.

I'm not gonna give you
any trouble.

Say what?

I'll give you
all my valuables.

I'll give you
everything I own.

Man, you don't know
who I am.

Right, right. I have no idea
what you look like.

I couldn't identify you
if my life depended on it.

I came in here with Benson.

Oh.

Oh, oh. (CHUCKLES)

Please don't misunderstand.

You see, I was mugged recently
by a black...

Uh...

Uh, not that I think
all black people are, uh...

Uh, I like black people.

My sister went
to school with one.

I know where you're coming
from, man. It's cool.

Oh, Benson. Benson,
I am so happy to see you.

Why?

Well, I've just been having
a little chat...

Uh, a rap...with, uh...

Uh...my man.

Here you go, Calvin.

These pamphlets will tell you
everything you need to know.
Thanks, Benson.

Charmed to have met you.
Later.

What was that all about?

Nothing. I almost made
a complete fool of myself.

Well, practice
makes perfect.

You wanted to see me?
Oh, yeah, Pete.

I went shopping last night,
and I picked up a couple
of these game stickers.

Oh, great!
Benson, thanks!

Hey, wouldn't it be neat
if I won that house on Maui?

You don't think anybody
ever wins those games, do you?

Come on, Benson, you've seen
those people on tv.

Some guy wins $,,
a couple wins matching K-cars,

an old lady in Florida
wins a snowmobile.

And you think
those are real people?

Of course
they're real people.

You can tell from
the dumb way they dress

and the stupid things
they say.

Then you shouldn't have
any trouble winning at all.

Thanks, Benson!

Uh, Benson, I hope
I'm not disturbing you,
but I simply had to drop by.

You remember this morning when
I told you your tax proposal

was the dumbest thing
ever committed to paper?
Yeah?

Well, I'd like
to take that back.

It's okay, Clayton.
It was the heat of the moment.

This is the dumbest thing
ever committed to paper.

What's that?
Your birth certificate?

No, this is a letter
concerning our parking lot,

which was forwarded to me
by a Mr. Pearsall,

head of building
and maintenance.

Why are you bringing it
to me?

Well, you're mentioned
as a reference
for Hornets & company.

And may I quote?

"This dude named Benson

"told us we could have
this parking lot gig

"if we wrote this letter."
(CHUCKLING)

Let me see that.

Shocking, isn't it?
The letter is rife
with grammatical error.

I never promised them
a job.

I just encouraged them
to make a bid.

Well, then you won't
mind being the one
to tell them no.

Well, now, wait a minute,
Clayton, wait a minute.

Did you see this memo from
the head of the department,
Mr. Pearsall?

It says, and may I quote,

"This here
is the most lowest bid."

Now, look. The fact
that some low-level bureaucrat

uses poor grammar
is irrelevant.
Now it's irrelevant?

Benson, I don't care
if those kids offered
to do the job for nothing.

Thankfully you don't have
the last word.

Gentleman, I can hear you
all the way out in the hall.

Then our apologies, Governor.
We're just having
a little disagreement

about a parking lot
maintenance contract.

What's the problem?
Benson is suggesting
that we hire a g*ng of thugs.

They are not thugs, sir.
They are a group of young men
who formed a business.

Business?
They can do the job, sir.

Any idiot can paint lines
in a parking lot.

So now you're bidding
for the job?

The question is,
are they reliable?

Wait a minute.
Let me see if I have this.

A group of young men who
do parking lot maintenance
have formed a company.

Well, they've never done
this kind of work before, sir.

Oh, I see.

It's a group of young men
who have done work
similar to this?

Well, not really similar.
They've done, you know, car
washing and part-time work.

Oh, but these men
have formed a company?

Well, they're not really men.
They're, you know,
more like , .

Oh, so what we have
is a bunch of teenagers
with no experience

who want us to give them
a $, contract?

Well, yeah,
you can put it that way.

But don't forget, now,
the money we'd be saving.

I don't know, Benson. I think
we'd be much better off

with an established
contractor. I'm sorry.

Benson, would it upset you
if I said "I told you so?"

Yes, Clayton, it would.

I told you so.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Yeah?

How you doing there,
Benson?

BENSON: Hey!

Here's the clippings
you asked for.

Hey, Pete,
what are you wearing?

Oh, it's a gold chain.

I'm wearing it instead
of a tie.

I kind of like it. It's got
a little gold egg on it.

Eighth prize
in the sweepstakes.

Hey, really?
Let me see that.

Ow!

Hey, that's hip.
A woman's necklace.

What are you talking about?
It came with cuff links.

Pete, those are earrings.

Are you sure?
Of course.

Oh, who's gonna notice, huh?

I'll see you later.

CALVIN: Hey, Benson.

Are we early?

No, fellas.
You're right on time.

Come on in
and have a seat.

So, you got some word
on our bid, huh?

I sure do.
They turned you down.

I knew he was gonna
jerk us around.

No, they didn't
jerk you around.
You did that to yourself.

This proposal represents you.

When people look at it,
they're looking at you.

And what do they see?
Sloppy work.

You could have at least
used a pen.

You can get one
for cents.

Yeah, I can get one
for nothing.

What are you saying,
Benson?

Calvin, if you want to do
business with the Governor,

you've got to look
like you mean business.

You've got to approach
the Governor

the same way
the big corporations do.

Oh, you mean bribe him!

No, I mean
pleasant conversation
in a pleasant atmosphere.

Oh, you're saying
wine him and dine him.
Right, we'll get him drunk.

Is his mother
looking for him?
No.

I'm not surprised.

So, you're telling me
that if we do all this stuff,
we'll get the job?

I'm saying that if you
make the same low bid
in a professional manner,

I guarantee the Governor
will listen to you.

Guarantee?

Fellas, you do your part.
I'll do mine.

Your part's easy.
All you got to do
is sit behind that desk.

Will you cool out,
little John?

The man is trying
to help us.

Okay, guys, I got to see
some other people.

Calvin, when you're ready,
you give me a call,

and I'll arrange the meeting
with the Governor.

Okay. Benson, you all right.

We're gonna make you
an honorary Hornet.
Thank you.

But when you give me
my jacket,

put some sleeves
in it, will you?

The dance was still alive...

Much to Brunhilda's relief.

Oh, Benson,
how do you spell "relief"?

This another one
of your trick questions?

No, it's for my book.
"Relief."

"I" before "e,"
except after "c."

Oh, dummy, even I know
there is no "c" in relief.

Kraus, did you
ever consider tying
a string around your neck?

What for?

Then you could rent
your head out as a balloon.

I'm going to work in my room.

Who knows? This book
could be a best seller.

I could make
a million dollars,

get my picture
on People magazine.

I can see the caption now.
"We are not alone."

BENSON: Ah, Governor,
just the man I wanted to see.

The Hornets would like to
schedule a dinner meeting.

I thought we've already
had this discussion.

We have, and we said "no."

Clayton, for a man
with few faults,

you make the most
of the ones you got.

Benson, as far
as I'm concerned,
the subject is closed.

Governor, now, I've
done you a couple of favors
over the last few years.

Yes, you have.

And on at least one
of those occasions,

did you not say to me,
"Benson, I owe you one?"

Sir, you don't
have to answer that.

Well, he's right, Clayton.
Yes, I said that.

Well, sir, I'm calling
one of those favors in.

I want you to come down
and meet these young men.

They deserve a chance
to show you what they can do.

All right, I'll do it
as a personal favor.

Clayton,
I want you there, too.

Why me?
Yeah, why him?

Is it them? Is it them?
Of course it's them.

How many white guys
with limousines live
in this neighborhood?

They're coming!
They're coming!

Johnny, what you doing
with that trumpet?

I'm gonna announce
the Governor. It's class.

He's here!
Come in, your Governorship.

(TRUMPET BLARES)

We'd like a table
away from the band.

(CLEARS THROAT) Johnny.

Governor, I'd like you
to meet Calvin Walker,

president of the Hornets.

Good to know you, Calvin.
Glad you could
make it, sir.

And this is Mr. Klean,
Pac-Man, Spider,
and Little John.

Mr. Klean. Six-pack.
Chicken Little. Jim.

Why don't we all sit down?

Governor, if you will.
Right here.
Oh, well, thank you.

Uh, Benson,
over here, please.

I'm sorry. The third member
of our group seems
to be a little late.

(GRUNTS)

Okay, let's party.

Hey, I got some pretty
nice stuff we can pass around.

Oh, good, refreshments!
Uh, Governor, I don't think
you should have any.

It's only wine.

What kind?

Peach.

Peach wine?

We also have beer
for our guests.
Oh, good, I'll have a beer.

Make that two.
I'll get it.

It's too bad
nobody wants wine.

My grandfather
was up all night making it.

You have a real nice place
here, Calvin.

Yeah, it's all right.

We still have to k*ll
a few rats now and then.

I suppose
this would be a bad time

to ask what we're having
for dinner.

We're having chicken.
Is that cool?

Oh, I love chicken.
I used to have one as a pet.

(DOOR OPENS)

Governor. Benson.

GOVERNOR: Come on in.
Join the party.

What is this, Clayton?
Preppy punk?

I just wanted to blend in.

Well, we're just
getting together.

We're not doing
" West Side Story ."

All right.
Dinner is served.

Oh, good.

Okay, now, we've got original
recipe and extra crispy.

We're in luck.
They didn't cook.

Okay,
here's the beers.

I also brought the wine
in case anybody wants some.

Oh, I'll have the wine.
What vintage is it?

Tuesday.

And after studying the rate
of flow of vehicular traffic

in and out of the areas
under discussion,

the best time for us
to perform our services

is between the hours
of : and : a.m.

Any questions?

Yeah, is there
anymore chicken?

This dude ate
all the white meat.

You said you didn't like
extra crispy.

Here, boy.
Now shut up.

Governor, do you
have any problems?

No, no, no.
I'm fine, Benson.

I filled up
on mashed potatoes.

No, I meant
with the presentation.

Oh! No, no, it's good.

Well, sir, it was
an excellent presentation,

but the fact remains.
They are sadly lacking
in experience.

That's a point
to be considered.

And we have no guarantee that
their work will be acceptable.

Okay, okay, look.
We'll make a deal with you.

You give us a tryout.
If you like our work,
we get the contract.

If you don't,
all you pay for is materials.

Aha, now that is
an interesting proposition.

Yes, yes,
it is, Clayton.

Governor, I don't think you
should make a deal like that.

You don't?
ALL: Why?

No, I don't. This state
has never done things
on a trial basis.

Now, these young men have made
an excellent presentation,

and the price is right.
The rest is up to you.

You either accept the bid
or you don't.

But, Benson,
they've never done
anything like this before.

Well, sir,
with all due respect,

before the people elected you,
had you been Governor before?

Well, that is hardly
the same thing.

It's exactly
the same thing, Clayton.

Somebody had to give
all of us a first chance.

He has a very
good point, Clayton.

We all need a chance.
Yeah, but, sir...

I would be proud
to give Hornets & company
their first chance.

Gentlemen,
you have a deal.

(ALL CHEERING)

Thank you,
Governor.
Thank you, Calvin.

Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.

I think everybody here
owes me a vote of thanks.
For what?

Hey, if I hadn't ripped off
Benson's briefcase,

none of this
would have happened.

Well, I don't think you should
make that the company motto.

Anybody want dessert?
I got a whole box
of ding-dongs.

Yeah, let's play some pool.

We can turn on the radio and,
you know, just hang out.

Uh, the Governor
is a very busy man...

Gee, that sounds
like fun.

...who always has time
for his constituents.

Well, in that case,
rack up the balls.
Turn up the lights.

sh**t me a cue.
I'm hot tonight.

(CHEERING)

Check him out.
Check him out.

ALL: Rack up the balls.
Turn up the lights.

sh**t me a cue.
I'm hot tonight.

Woo-hoo!
That doin' it right?

I have the distinct impression
I'm being hustled.

Go with your
instincts, baby!

How's that wine?
(GROANS)

Uh, it's a bit naive,
but the bouquet has
a charming impertinence.

Come on, Guv.
Give it a shot.

Oh, I don't think
I'll ever get
this street-rap.

It's easy, Governor.
Ready, guys?

One, two, three, four...

♪ First you choose your theme
Then you set the scene

♪ That gets you in the groove
Hey

♪ Then you start to clap
It will help you rap

♪ And it gets you
in the groove

♪ Get down, get down
♪ Uh-huh

♪ Get down, get down ♪
Yeah!

♪ I'm so glad
it all worked out

♪ And y'all got
some decent shot
♪ Uh-huh

♪ It blows my wig
that we got this gig

♪ Maintaining the parking lot

♪ Get down, get down
Get down, get down

♪ I came down here for dinner

♪ You guys gave me a real show

♪ These boys are tough
And the song is rough

♪ But I ain't Barry Manilow

♪ Get down, get down
Get down, get down

♪ Now what is this
A rap contest?

♪ I'm the best
both east and west

♪ Now it may come
as a big surprise

♪ But I'm the king
of "rhapsodize"

♪ So back on off
Don't you be no fool

♪ Come on, Captain
Let's sh**t some pool

♪ Get down, get down
Get down, get down

♪ Whoo! Whoo!

♪ Get down, get down
Get down, get down

♪ Whoo! Whoo!

♪ Get down, get down
Get down, get down

♪ Whoo! Whoo! ♪