07x17 - Small Fish, Big Pond

[bunniefuu]

Well, we're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot of tryin'

Just to get up that hill

Now we're up
in the big leagues

Gettin' our turn at bat

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

We're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

But ain't you curious,
Mrs. Jefferson?
Nope.

Not even
a little bit?

Sorry!

Now, wait a minute,
let me get this straight.

Your husband calls you
in the middle of the day

to tell you to get
all dressed up for tonight

and don't tell you where
you're going and you
ain't even curious?

Uh-uh.

Well, at least you could
suffer a little bit for me.

Well, I never said I
wasn't excited, Florence.

As a matter of fact,

the whole thing's
kind of romantic.

I know.
That's why I'm so curious.

I mean, your husband
ain't exactly Mr. Romance.

He thinks Casablanca
is a Cisco Kid movie.

Florence,
you underestimate George.

I think he's the most
thoughtful, considerate

loving husband
in the whole wide world.

Right.

Hey, Louise.

Hi, George.

Well, how do I look?

Uh... You look like
my financial statement.
Beautiful.

Look, Weezy, I felt a little
bad about calling you on
such short notice.

But, uh...

I just found out about it
myself this morning
about : , you know?

And even then I don't
usually open my mail
that early, but...

Something told me today
was going to be different,
so...

There I am,
opening up my letters,

and, as usual,

most of them are
bills, right?

But then,
I go to open this one.

Ha, ha.

And you'll never guess
who it's from.

Give up?

Yes, I sure do.

It's from the Moguls Club.

Remember I sent in that
membership application
about a year ago?

Well, I'm in, Weezy.
I'm now an associate member
of the Moguls Club.

Ain't that great?

Well, you never get
excited about nothing,
do you?

George, I'm all dressed up
for a big night.

Where are you
taking me?

Yeah, Mr. Jefferson.
Out with it!

Hold on to your
hat, Weez.

We are going to a
fundraising meeting.

Ha!

That's it?

That's it?
What do you mean,
that's it?

A fundraising meeting
at the Moguls Club.

That's the most
exclusive club in New York.

But I thought we were going
to spend the evening doing
something romantic.

Yeah, I know, but thanks
to this, now we don't
have to do that!

Just think, Weezy, corporate
presidents from all over
New York are gonna be there.

And each one is
a potential client.

I mean, look,
we get one contract
out of that club,

it could set us up for
the rest of our lives.
I mean...

We could retire.
We could relax.

We could move!

Good evening, Mr. J,
Mrs. J.

You are now looking at
the proud recipient of

the United Nations
Employee of the Month Award.

Oh, Mr. Bentley,
that's wonderful!

Yes, especially considering
the competition I was
up against last month.

Well, one of my co-workers
was trapped in an elevator
with two pregnant women

and they both went
into labor at the same time.

Goodness! And you managed
to beat him out?

Yes, well, you see,
I organized

the office collection to help
pay for his nervous breakdown.

We'd love to hear the rest
of the story, Bentley,
forgive me, Lord,

but me and Weezy
have got to go out.

Which reminds me,
I must say,

you look splendid
this evening, Mrs. J.

Are you going
somewhere special?

Yeah, Bentley,
but it's no place
you've ever heard of.

We are going to a meeting
at the Moguls Club.

Oh, do you mean
the Moguls Club?

You mean you've heard of it?

Oh, I should say so, Mr. J.

One of the ambassadors
down at the UN applied
for membership last year

and he's practically
a millionaire.

A millionaire?
Did you hear that, Weezy?

I told you we'd be
rubbing elbows
with the heavyweights.

Unfortunately, uh,
this ambassador's elbows
won't be among them.

He was
turned down.

Why?
Well, he failed to meet
the financial requirement.

What?
Nice talking
to you, Bentley.

I don't understand, Mr. J,
if the ambassador couldn't
meet the requirement,

then how can
you manage?

That Bentley sure can ask
some stupid questions,
can't he?

Uh, George. Uh...

I didn't think
it was so stupid.

If the ambassador
got turned down,
how come they let you in?

My charm
and personality!

George, you did tell them

you only had
seven cleaning stores,
didn't you?

Well, yeah.
Sort of.

And just how many stores
is, "Sort of"?

Well, .

Seventeen?

Okay, .
So I rounded it off.

But why did you lie?

Most people would
be proud to say
they have seven stores.

Don't you think
it's enough?

Not enough to
get into that club.

Look, Weezy, I've
been telling you, one or two
contracts from those people

and we'll be set
for the rest of our life.

But that's dishonest.

Well, yeah,
if you want to get picky.

Come on,
let's get going.

Okay, but I think you're
getting in over your head.

Don't be silly, Weezy.
How can I get in
over my head?

Easy, try
standing up in a bathtub.

See, Weezy,
I told you there'd be
a lot of women here.

I know.
But they all look
so ostentatious.

Ostentatious?

Well, as long as they're rich,
I don't care what
their religious beliefs are.

Hello, gentleman.
Hello.

Big Tony Tyler of
Big T's Barbecue and Ribs.

The secret's in the sauce.

Big George Jefferson,
Jefferson's Cleaners.
The secret's in the starch.

Twenty locations,
one near you.

Well, don't fret, son.

We all had to get
our start somewhere.

This is my wife,
Louise.

How do you do,
pretty lady?

Howdy.
Uh, I mean... Hi.

Say, Tony, uh...
Hey, now.

You just call me "Big."
Oh.

Okay, Big.

Look here, uh...

Those people that work for
you must slop a lot of that
rib juice on themselves.

Yeah, we do go through
quite a few aprons.

Oh, yeah?
Well look.

Maybe your sauce
and my starch
can get together.

Not a bad idea,
Jefferson.

Tell you what,
we'll talk about it
after dinner.

Right now why don't you and
the missus just mosey on over
to the buffet table.

Tie on a feed bag.

We're going to start
this little to-do
in a few minutes.

Enjoy yourself.
Try the ribs.

George,
are you all right?

Yeah, Weezy,
I'm having the
time of my life.

Look, you see what I told
you about this contract...

Uh, excuse me.

I'm Lucellia Pettigrew.

And this is my
sister Mavis.

Oh, hi.
I'm Louise Jefferson,

and this is my husband.

George Jefferson.
Jefferson's Cleaners.

Thirty-five stores,
one near you.

How nice.
Anyway...

Mavis and I own a
chain of small boutiques
around the city

and for the life of me,
I cannot place that dress.

Obviously it's a
de la Renta, Lucci.

Uh, no. I would know a
de la Renta.

He's much more into
ruffles this season.

Oh, well,
actually, it's...

No, no, no.
Don't tell me.
Adolfo, right?

Impossible!
I've seen Adolfo's
entire line and it's red.

Well, to tell you
the truth it's a...

Would you mind just
stepping outside in the hall.

There's better
light here...
George!

Hey, Weezy,
have a nice time.

Well, uh, hello there,
Mr. Jefferson.

Oh, hi. Yeah.

G.W. Brookhouse
of Brookhouse Furriers here.

Oh, how are you.
Have you met
everyone yet?

No, not yet.
But, uh, seems
like a nice bunch of people.

Oh, I'll say. Listen, I met
some of my very best business
contacts in this club.

You mean to tell me that
this club is
good for business too?

The thought never
even entered my mind!

So you own the
Jefferson's cleaning
stores, eh?

That's right.
Jefferson Cleaners,
locations, one near you.

You know, I was just
telling my VP this morning,

that we needed a new
dry cleaners.

You were?

I mean, do tell.

Listen, why don't you give me
a call this Monday Morning...

Hi, folks, come on now.

It's time to get the
wagons in a circle.

I'll talk to you again.
Okay.

An Yves St. Laurent.
Givenchy?

Bill Blass.

No...
Weezy, I've got
some good news!

Excuse me.
No, no, no, no!

You haven't told us yet
who did your dress.

Uh, Florence Johnston.

You know...

That was my
very next guess!

All right, ready?

I reckon our first order
of business is to introduce
our newest associate member,

Mr. George Jefferson
and his pretty little filly.

Stand up and
take a bow, y'all.

Thank you.

Here, give some
to your friends.

Real nice, Jefferson.

Modest little fellow,
ain't he?

Well, let's get
down to business.

Now, we're here to raise
money for a fountain for
our New York headquarters.

We've got a few of the
world's best sculptors

fighting over which one's
gonna get the job.

And ain't none of them
going to lift a chisel

till we tell them how
much money they've
got to work with.

In other words...

It's pledge time!

All right, I'm going to
start things rolling with
a pledge of .

I pledge .

Ooh.
Fifteen.

All right,
more here.

Would you listen
to cheapskates?

Watch this.
George, what are you...

Hey, uh,
I'd like to pledge.

Oh, well,
appreciate that,
Jefferson,

but associate members
don't have to participate
if they don't want to.

I don't mind.
I pledge .

BIG: Fifty?

Oh, what the heck,
it's only money.
Make it .

Jefferson, come on up here!
Give a nice round of
applause for Mr. Jefferson!

All right!

Folks, I move that
Mr. George Jefferson here,

because of his generosity,

be made a permanent
member of the Moguls Club,

with full rights
and privileges thereof.

And I also say
that George here

should be our keynote
speaker tomorrow night at
the collections ceremony.

Congratulations, George.

GEORGE: Thanks, Big.

Oh, that was kind of a
puny round of applause,
wasn't it?

Come on, let's dig down
and give one rib-snorting
round of applause

for the dang-dest new member
our club's ever had.

The man who
donated to our cause

the sum of ...

...thousand dollars!

One hundred thousand dollars.

George, it's late.

One hundred thousand dollars.

George, couldn't we talk
about it in the morning?

That's one, zero, zero, comma,

zero, zero, zero,
decimal point,

zero, zero dollars.

George, the only
sensible thing to do,

is to go back and
tell them it was
a mistake.

A mistake?
Are you kidding, Weezy?

They'll kick me out of
the club, do you know how
embarrassing that is?

I know, dear.
But what other choice
do you have?

I don't know.

All right.

Say...

How much are these
rings worth?

George!

Sorry.

George, you've got to
go back and tell
them the truth.

Tell them you can't
afford it.

Yeah, I guess I have to tell
the truth.

Boy, I really have
sunk low.

Come on.
Let's go up
and get some sleep.

You go, Weezy,
I'm gonna stay here and see
if I can drink... I mean...

Think up something
to say to them.

Well, don't stay
too long, George.

Yeah, okay.

Goodnight, Charlie.
Goodnight, Mrs. Jefferson.

Charlie,
give me another drink.

Sure thing.

Say...

Is something bothering
you or something?

Oh, no,
not much.

Hey, Mr. Jefferson...

You know, I've been
known to do more than
just pour firewater.

I mean, after some odd
years in the business, I've
become a pretty good listener.

So, uh, if you've
got something on your mind,

believe me,
I'm all ears.

Yeah, okay, well...
This is what happened.
I went to this meeting...

I'll never forget,
one time a guy came in here
looking to bend an ear.

Well, you know, I told him
right out, "If you're
looking for a listener,

"I'm all ears."
Ah. Yeah...

So, I was...
Well, he had the usual
problems, you know,

bad job, bad marriage,
bad breath...

Yeah, right.
So, anyway...

Well, he didn't need
no advice or nothing.

You know, just wanted
somebody to listen.

So I sat him down
right here and I
said to him, "Hey, look,

"you work..."
Damn it, Charlie,
are you going to listen?

Hey! I'm all ears!

Okay, so...

I went to the meeting
and then...
Hello, Charlie.

Oh, Mr. J,
I see you're back
from the meeting already.

Yeah,
apparently things, uh,
didn't go too good.

Ah, sticky wicket,
eh, Mr. J?

Well, look, if there's
anything I can do to help...

Oh, yeah, hey,
Mr. Jefferson, look, you need
anything at all, just ask.

I need $ , .

Wait, wait, wait.
Hold it. Hold it.

I didn't come down here
to borrow the money
from you guys.

It's like,

I pledged $ ,
for a fountain by mistake.

And if I back out
I can't live it down.

Hey, look, don't let that
depress you, Mr. Jefferson.

Like the song says,
"Let a smile
be your umbrella."

Yeah.
On the other hand, Mr. J,

there's another song
which says,

"Here's that rainy day."

Yeah, but there's another
song that says, uh,

"Everything's coming
up roses."

Oh, yes? But what about,
"Willow weep for me"?

I'm the guy with
the problem.
Remember me?

Yeah, sure.
I'm sorry,
Mr. Jefferson.

Thank you.

So, like I was saying...

I don't know,
it just sure seems dumb,

you give $ ,
for a fountain,

when there's so many
charities around that
can really use the money.

Yes, I agree.

Oh, hey, Ralph.

Yeah, charities...

Hey, thanks a lot, fellas.
Sure thing, Mr. Jefferson.
Take it easy.

Look, Ralph,
I need you to
do me a favor.

Please, Mr. Jefferson,
I've been on my feet
all day.

The night man's sick and
I had to take his place.

I can hardly
move a muscle, sir.

There's bucks
in it for you.

I need
the exercise.

Look.

You've got to promise
me one thing. You don't
mention this to Weezy.

Secrets are
extra, sir.

Okay, bucks.

My lips are sealed.
Good.

Now, here's what
you've got to do...

Mr. Jefferson,
are you sure
this is going to work?

What if Mrs. Jefferson
finds out?

She's not going
to find out.

I told her I was coming
down here to talk
to Tony man-to-man.

I just hope I don't
lose my nerve.

Look, I'll throw in
an extra bucks.

I could k*ll
for you, sir.

There he is now.
Come on up here.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. George Jefferson.

All right, simmer down
and listen up

because this is the moment
we've all been waiting for.

I give you the man who
is going to help us
put together

the dang-dest new
fountain on the
face of the Earth,

Mr. George Jefferson.

Yeah!

Oh, thank you.
Well, uh...

Uh, I'm not too much
on public speaking,

but I'll get
right to the point.

I have in this envelope
a check for $ , .

Now, last night
I made a pledge

because I too want us to have
the dang-dest new fountain
on the face of the Earth.

But since then
I've had a change of heart.

No, no. Although the
fountain is a good cause,

there are other causes
out there even
more worthwhile.

And, so...

I hereby withdraw
my pledge for the fountain,

and present
this check to
Mr. Ralph Hart,

owner and operator
of Ralph House.

Ralph House?

Yeah, well,
you know,
it's kind of a home.

For who?

Orphans.
Old people.

All right, which one is it?
A home for orphans
or old people?

Both, you see...

It's a home for orphans
over the age of .

sh**t, I never heard of
no charity like that.

Come on, Jefferson.
We're counting on that money

for a fountain.
BIG: Yeah!

You mean a fountain
means more to you

than the
orphaned elderly?

You'd rather see water
gush out of a lion's mouth,

when you could see a
toothless old orphan's
face light up with hope?

All right.
Baby orphans get
adopted all the time.

But has any one of you ever
seen anyone adopt a
-year-old man?

I thought not.

Well, Ralph here
wants to do
something about it.

And doggone it,
so do I.

So here's
your check, Ralph.

Thank you, sir.

Let's get
out of here.

Hold it!

Hold it.
Just rein back
and hold it, Jefferson.

I don't know nothing
about no old orphans.

But if it's good enough
for you,
it's good enough for me.

Here's $ ,
for Ralph House.

Twenty... Twenty...
Twenty...

Here's my ten!
And I'll make it five more.

Artie would have
wanted it this way.

Oh, here's
my , Ralph.

I'm rich!
I'm rich!

George?
George, what's
going on here?

Wait a minute, Weezy...
Weezy, what are you
doing here?

I know you wanted to
do this by yourself, George.

But I thought I'd come down
and give you
some moral support.

Oh, thanks a lot, Louise.
I feel better already.
Now go home.

George, I just wanted you to
know that you don't have
anything to be ashamed of.

You started with nothing
and you built a wonderful
life for your family.

You should be proud.

Howdy, pretty lady.

You know you've got
a mighty fine husband here.

George, old buddy,
you've done good tonight.

No, I didn't.
But I'm going to.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, please.

MAN: That's right...

Ralph?

Oh, yeah,
that's Ralph all right.

You know, he's
the owner and
operator of Ralph House.

Ralph House?

Uh, would you
listen up, please?

I'm going to say something
and then...

Then I'm
going to leave.

There is no such
place as Ralph House.

Yes, there is!
Ralph.

I'll start one!

Well, the problem is...

I got in over my head.

Last night when I
pledged for the fountain

I thought I was
pledging bucks,
not $ , .

Yeah, well, anyway...

I was too ashamed to admit
that I couldn't afford it.

So I invented
Ralph House.

Oh, yeah, and
another thing.

I don't have
stores.

I only got seven.

No, no, wait a minute.
Not only.

I mean, I started out
with nothing,
so now I've got seven.

So that's pretty good.

Anyway...

I'm ashamed
the way I acted here.

But one thing I'm
not ashamed of,
and that's what I am,

the best damn drycleaner
in New York.

Folks...

I say it takes a big man
to admit he's
just small potatoes.

Little George here
may have tried to put
the bamboozle on us,

but he was
right about one thing.

Our money should
be put to better use.

So I move that we
find us a real charity
to donate to.

What do you say?

Done deal.

Now, I also say
that George here

should remain a member
of our little club.
What do you say to that?

Come on, now!

Aw, come on!

It was that little fella
who showed us a better way
to use our money. Huh?

Yes, he did. Come on, now.
Let's hear it.

Now, look at that!
Thank you. Thank you.
And I'd like to say that

every one of you
can get a discount
on your dry cleaning.

Just drop by any one
of my stores.

One near you.

Well, I guess there's only
one more order of business.

Stop that man!