07x16 - I Buy the Songs

[bunniefuu]

Well, we're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot of tryin'

Just to get up that hill

Now we're up
in the big leagues

Gettin' our turn at bat

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

We're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Are you sure you don't
need no help, Miss Jefferson?
Yes, I'm sure, Florence.

I want to do this
all by myself.

A special
Valentine's Day dinner

for the most marvelous
man in the world.

Really? And I thought
you were making dinner
for Mr. Jefferson.

Do me a favor.
Listen to this

Valentine and tell me
what you think
before I send it off.

My darling Billy Dee
Williams.

But, Florence, today is
Valentine's Day, so your
darling Billy Dee Williams

is going to get
his card late.

I know. I don't want it
to get mixed up with
them cards he gets

from lonely, desperate
women who
bother him all the time.

Hi, George.
Don't talk to me.

What's wrong?

Weezy, the whole
world might
think that the

dry cleaning business
is a glamorous
profession,

but some days it's just
another lousy job.

Maybe this will cheer you up.
I'm making you a special
dinner for tonight.

And this is a little
something for after dinner.

Ah, ah, ah.
It's for later.

What's the occasion?

You mean to tell me
you don't know
it's Valentine's Day?

It is? Oh, I mean,
of course I know it's

Valentine's Day.
How could I
forget that?

Well, nobody could blame
you if you did. I mean,
you can't be expected to

remember
Valentine's Day and your
way home from work.

Look, Weez, I know you
think I forgot

it was Valentine's Day, right,
but I didn't. I got my
favorite wife a present.

You did? What is it?
That's right!

Close your eyes.
Okay.

Here's bucks.
Go out and buy yourself
something real nice.

I can see you put a lot
of thought
in this, George.

You bet I did.

You didn't even bother to
get me a card.

Hold it. Here you go.
Buy yourself a card.

Bring it to me
and I'll sign it.

Aw, come on, Weezy.
Look, I've been busy.

I've hardly been home.
And I sure do appreciate it.

Hi, George. Oh, Louise,
I can't wait

to show you what I got
Tom for Valentine's Day.

Oh, Tom. Come on in.

Ta-da!

It was imported from Paris.

They must've thrown it
out of the country.

Tom, I think you look
wonderful.

Well, thank you.
You don't think it makes
me look too... Too...

Fat? Bald? Ugly? Stupid?

George!
Louise, did you two
exchange presents?

I got George some
beautiful silk pajamas.

Silk? I hope they
don't make him
look too... Too...

Short? Bald? Ugly? Stupid?

It doesn't matter what they
make him look like, the
pajamas are going back.

Why don't we keep the
pajamas and send
Mr. Jefferson back?

Oh, Louise, I bet you'll
never guess what
Tom gave to me.

He wrote me a love poem.

A poem?
What a tightwad.

George, I adore poems.

Oh, yeah, how come every
time I tell you a poem,
you tell me to shut up?

I've never told
you to shut up.

There ones was a
hermit named Dave...
Shut up, George.

Why don't you recite
your poem?

Well, I... Oh, no,
I'm too shy.

Well, I'll tell it to you.
It goes like this.
"Oh, Helen, Oh, Helen"

Weren't you listening?
That's, "My Helen, my Helen".

Not, "Oh, Helen, oh, Helen".

Well, that was touching.
Thanks for
sharing it with us. Bye.

Wait a minute,
there's more.
Here give me that.

"My Helen, my Helen
The love of my life
The woman I'm proud to

"say is my wife
Troubles may assail me

"My cupboard may be bare
Yet the sun still shines
When my Helen is there"

"So on Valentine's Day
I'm happy to say

"Excuse me for yellin'
but I love ya, Helen"

What a perfect
Valentine's Day present.

It came from the heart.

Yeah, mine was better.
It came from the wallet.

Oh, Mr. Willis, that was
so inspiring.

Do you mind If I
borrow a few lines?

I'd be honored.

"Oh, Billy Dee
oh, Billy Dee"

That's, "My Billy Dee
my Billy Dee".

"My Billy Dee,
my Billy Dee"

You're a lucky woman, Helen.

I know.
Lucky? How could she be lucky?
She's married to Willis.

Old Moby Grape is
too cheap to even
buy a real present.

A love poem is
a real present.

Look, Weezy,
it didn't cost a dime.

Money has absolutely
nothing to do
with love.

Ah, Tom, I think we
better go.

Aw, gee, now? Louise was
just about to give him
both barrels.

But you promised to take me
for a carriage ride around
Central Park, dear.

Did you hear that?
A carriage ride!

You see how
romantic he is?

He's a miser. He's just too
cheap to spring
for a cab. Bye.

I am not...

I've never been so
embarrassed.

Me neither. Boy, that was
a dumb poem, wasn't it?

"Excuse me for yellin'"

I'm talking about
your behavior.

And there's nothing dumb
about a husband

telling his wife
he loves her.

You ought to try it
once in a while.

Come on, Weez.
What're you talking about?

We've been married for...
For...

Thirty years.
Yeah. Thirty years.

By now, you ought to
know what you mean to me.

It wouldn't hurt to hear
it once in a while.

Okay, what do you want?
A poem? Some of that
mushy gushy stuff?

That's for people in love,
not married people.

It's even more important
when you're married.
A woman needs to know

she's special.
Everybody does. That's
why I try to show

you how special
you are to me.

Okay. I'm gonna show
you how special
you are to me.

Tomorrow, go out
and buy yourself
another mink coat.

Uh, George!
What?

You haven't the faintest idea
what I've been talking
about, do you?

Nope.

Here's your money back.
Go buy yourself a heart.

Hey, Mr. Jefferson!
Hey, Charlie,
Charlie, Charlie.

Ah, lovely day, eh, Mr. J?
How's Mrs. J?

Oh, man.
Oh, had a little tiff, eh?

Ah, women.
You can't live with them.
You can't live without them.

Heavy, Bentley.

Good to see you,
Mr. Jefferson.
How's the missus?

There's been a little
marital discord, I fear.

Yeah. Weezy's mad at me
and I can't figure out
what I did wrong.

Ah, women.
You can't live with them.
You can't live without them.

Well said.
Thank you.

I'll tell you what
happened. Willis wrote a poem
for his wife. Right.

So I offered to buy Weezy
a mink coat and she gets
mad at me.

What would you
rather have? A mink coat
or a stupid poem?

That all depends. Would
the pelts be ranch bred?

You know, Mr. Jefferson,
sometimes it takes more
than money to please a woman.

Let's face it, women are
curious creatures.

Yeah, I know.
You can't live with them.
You can't live without them.

BOTH: Exactly.

But, you know,
Charlie's right, Mr. J.

Women thrive on love and
romance. They need to feel
that they're special.

Well, I tried to make
her feel special but it just
didn't turn out right.

Same thing happened
to a friend of
mine Down Under.

A dead guy?

No, no, Mr. Jefferson.
"Down Under" means
an Australian.

Oh, an Australian
dead guy.

No, you see, this friend
of mine fell in love with

a lovely lady, but she
wouldn't give
him a tumble.

He bought her a rose and
she threw it in his face.

He bought her candy
and she threw it in his face.

He bought her a diamond ring.
And she threw it
in his face.

No. That she kept.
She was rude,
but she was no fool.

Anyway, my friend decided
to give it one more try.
So he composed

a love song for
the lady and he serenaded
her from under her balcony.

What'd she do? Pour hot
water on him?

Au contraire.
I was right?

Uh, no, Mr. J. The lady
was so touched

that she fell in love on
the spot and they were married
within a fortnight.

I love happy endings.

Well, the actual ending
wasn't all that happy.
You see they

decided to
honeymooned out
in the outback.

Their very first night
together they were
stomped to death

by a band of rabid
kangaroos.

My God, the irony.

Bentley, that's it! I'm
gonna sing Weezy
a love song just for her.

Hey, that's great, Mr.
Jefferson. Music is
the language of love.

Hey, say, I got
a friend of mine
who's a composer.

Why he could knock
out a tune in no time.

Look, I don't need to
buy no song. I can
knock one out by myself.

Come on, we got work to do.
Well, I'm more than
happy to help, Mr. J,

but I really don't
have much time.

It ain't gonna take that
long, Bentley. Just doodle
around a little bit.

Until I get a little
inspiration here.

All right, uh, let's see.

Tell your ma, tell your pa
gonna take you
back to Arkansas

Oh, yeah

What'd I say

Mr. J. I think we ought to
stop and collect our thoughts.

What exactly would you like
to say to Mrs. J?

Well, that I love her.

Well, that's beautiful.
You see now all you have
to do is to put that thought

into a love song.

I love her, I love her

Not exactly chock full
of information, is it?

There must be something else
you'd like to say to her,
Mr. J.

Well, I wanna tell her
what she means to me.

How lucky I
am to have her.

And like, all the money
in the world wouldn't
mean anything without her.

Well, those are
lovely sentiments.

Now all you have to do is
to put those thoughts
into poetic form.

I've got to go,
but I'll be back

to work on your
song later. Bye.
Wait a minute, Bentley.

Come here. I need a
piano player.

What she means to me

How lucky I am to have her

Hey, Charlie, do you have
that songwriter's address?

I met you...

When I met you
in Piccadilly Square

You said the moon went
we walked...

When I met you
in Piccadilly Square

Hello.

No, I'm sorry.
You've got the wrong number.

Hello, sorry
you've got the wrong number

But you dialed direct
to my heart

Catchy. Hold for Sinatra.

Hold for Sinatra.

Hello.

You Sammy the songwriter?

You've come to the
right place, grab a chair
put a smile on your face

Hey, that's pretty good.

Hey, there's nobody
better.

Not even Lana Turner
with a sweater

Charlie Clark told me you
were good,

but he didn't tell me you
were this good.

Have you done
anything famous?

I wrote Mister Ed's
Vegas act.

Of course. Of course.

That's it.

Could you write a
Valentine's Day song?

Hey, love songs
are my specialty.

Terrific, I need one for
my Weezy.

You got a pet weasel?

No. That's my wife.
My wife's Weezy.
Oh, I'm sorry. Asthmatic, huh?

Well, we all got our
problems.

My wife's got no teeth.

Could you write
a song for me?

Sure. I could have it
ready for you in a week.

But today is
Valentine's Day.

Oh, jeez, I forgot.
My wife's gonna k*ll me.

Well, at least she
won't bite you.

That's true, but I better
buy her something nice.

Why don't you just write
her a song?

Are you kidding? She
doesn't want any more songs.

How many times has she
told me, "Sammy, say it
with cash."

Tell you what. You write
a song for my wife, I'll give
you cash for yours.

You're on.

Tell me something about
yourself. What do you do?

Well, I'm a dry cleaner.

Oh, wow! I always wanted
to write about that.
I never did before.

But I always wanted to.
Just a minute.

Let's see, there's press
and steam...

I've...

I've got a crease in my
heart over you

There's a permanent stain
where you gave me that pain

And I'm steamed
'cause you said
we were through

Well, that ain't bad.
But I wanted something
a little more romantic.

How much is
this gonna cost me?
Just like that? How much?

This song will come
from my soul.

It'll be art. How can
you put a price on art?

How about bucks?

Sold!

Okay, George. What's this
all about?

I want you to hear all the
reasons why Weezy's lucky
to be married to me.

Oh, well, this
won't take long.

Weezy, my darling,
my love.

Sit right
here in the
seat of honor.

The rest of you,
who cares.

Look, Weezy. I know you're
mad at me. And you have every
reason to be.

I was wrong and
you were right.

Love is more than
giving money. It's
giving of yourself.

I hope you really mean
that, George.

Of course I mean it.

And to prove it,
I, George Jefferson,
am going to sing a song.

Now! I've
planned something
very special for my Weezy.

I've been working all day,
all by myself.

Sweating,
slaving, reaching deep
inside my heart.

Nay, inside my very soul...
Mr. J, I think
you're pushing...

Weezy...
This is from me to you.

Hit it, Bent.

We started out
with nothing

Beans and meatless stew

Now we're rich but
here's the hitch

It wouldn't mean
a thing without you

And how can I show my love?

Weezy, it's not easy to do

I could buy you diamonds,
I could buy you cars

I could tell you that
your eyes are brighter
than the stars

But that wouldn't be
the way for me
to show my love for you

Weezy, my Weezy,
I love you, can't you see

That all the money
in the world can't mean
as much to me

So forget about the riches
and the things that men
can buy

The jewels, the furs
the custom cars
they simply don't apply

Just let me croon
this simple tune
to show my love to you

Weezy, it's so easy

Oh, George.
That was beautiful.

What are you doing?

I'm just checking to make
sure it's you.

You actually did
something nice.

Oh, Mr. Jefferson, I just
got to go blow my nose.

You know, George, I didn't
think you had it in you.

Hey, Helen, look,
I'm deep.

George, would you
consider putting my
poem to music?

You're very talented.
Well, I'm busy, Willis.

I'm working on
a Broadway musical. Call
me in a couple of days.

George, that was the most
romantic thing anyone's
ever done for me.

What can I say?
I'm a beautiful guy.

Come on, let's sit over here.

Yo, Charlie, how about
some champagne over here?

Oh, thank you, Mr. J.

George, I never knew you
could write love songs.

Everything
rhymed so
beautifully.

Yeah, it did rhyme,
didn't it?

Mr. Jefferson
that was terrific.

Yeah, well, I guess some
of us are just blessed
with natural talent.

Yep, say, I better
call my friend

and tell him how much
Mrs. Jefferson

loved the song he wrote.

Shh! Charlie!

Oh. See, what I meant was
I'm going to call you,

you're my friend, to tell
you how much she,
Mrs. Jefferson,

loved your song,
that you wrote.

I'll see you later!

George...

Come on, Weez,
don't ruin this moment
with words, okay?

I thought you said you
wrote that
song all by yourself.

Yeah, Weezy...
And I thought you really
meant it when you said

love is more
than giving money.

It is.
But you were lying. That
song didn't come from you.

You might as well have
handed me $

and said, "Go out
and buy yourself
a song."

It cost $ .

Well, that's better than .

Mrs. J, not to be
a butt-in-sky,

but I think you're being
a little harsh on Mr. J.

Mr. Bentley, you
don't understand.

Well, perhaps in this one
instance, it's you who
doesn't understand.

You see, Mr. J. did put forth
a valiant effort to write
a song himself.

Now, he only turned
for help to a
professional composer

when he felt that the
song he had written

wasn't good enough
for you.

And, you see, while it's
true that he did need some
help arranging his thoughts,

the feelings for you in that
song are all his.

Thank you, Mr. Bentley.

George?

Weezy, all I can say
is that I'm sorry.
I did it again.

I guess the
only thing I'm good for
is buying things.

That's not true.

The thoughts in
that song came
from your heart.

And that means more to me
than you'll ever know.

Well, I do love you, Weezy,
but I just don't
know how to say it.

You just said it.

And you said it
just fine.

I'm sorry I had to use
that other guy's song.

That's not his song, George.

From now on,
that's our song.

Play it again, Bent.