05x17 - Can I Say Something, Please?

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Guys.

What's Going On?

Denny, Sit Down.

Lou Was Regaling Us
A Tale From Art Class.

Start At The Beginning.

Our Teacher Said We'd Be
Doing Nature Portraits.

I Figured We'd Draw Fruit.

In Walks This Model
In A Bathrobe.

Guy Or Girl?

I Wouldn't
Be Telling This Story

If It Was A Guy.

The Bathrobe--
Did It Come Off?

I Wouldn't Be Telling This Story
If It Didn't.

I Spent My Morning
Studying Carbon Molecules.

Lou:
Anyway, She
Unties The Bathrobe...

Wait A Minute.

Justine Just Walked In
With Some Guy.

She's Been
In Here With Him

A Couple Of Times.

She Has?

His Name Is Scott.

I Saw Them At
A Movie Last Week.

You Did?

I Saw Them Studying.

What?

From The Same Book

They Were Studying.

A Guy Has Been
Hanging Around My Woman

And No One Tells Me?

We Figured
You Didn't Want To Hear.

It Would Have Pained
Your Male Psyche.

You're Supposed
To Be My Friends.

You're Supposed To Tell Me
What's Going On.

If I Saw Somebody
With Your Girlfriends

I'd Tell You.

I Don't Have A Girlfriend.

I Already Know

My Girl's Going Out
With Four Other Guys Anyway.

Don't Jump To Conclusions.

Maybe They're Not Serious.

Looks Like He's Scoring
Some Pretty Big Points To Me.

Looks That Way
To Me, Too.

You Better Go
Put That Fire Out

Before The Flames
Get Higher.

I Think I Will.

The Professor Put
The Book On The Table

And Said, "If Any Of You
Can Write Like This

I'll Sign Up
For Your Class."

You Tell Such
Good Stories.

Excuse Me.

You're Not Supposed
To Be Sitting There.

I Thought
This Table Wasn't Taken.

Scott, This Is Theo.

Hey, Theo.

I Assume You Know Who I Am?

She Just Told Me.

That's Not Who I Am.

That's Just My Name.

Who I Am Is Justine's Boyfriend.

You Didn't Tell Me
You Had A Boyfriend.

Oh, You Didn't?

You Know We're Free
To Date Other People.

That's The Way You Wanted It.

Look, My Friend...

There Are About A Million
Other Women On This Campus

That You Could Be
Hitting On.

I've Seen You Hitting On
Quite A Few Yourself.

You Have?

That's Not The Issue Here.

Justine...

Shall I Leave?

No.

Good-Bye, Pal.

What?

I Said, 'Good-Bye.'

Fine.

Let's Go.

Outside Now!

I'm Not Fighting.

Are You Scared?

Let Me Tell You...

Stop It!

Theo, I Can't
Believe You.

Me?

What About Him?

He Won't Even Fight
For Your Honor.

Maybe I Prefer That
In A Man.

Scott, Let's
Go Someplace

Where The People
Aren't Behaving

Like They're Wearing
Animal Skins.

Fine With Me.

Theo, Call Me Someday
When You're Acting Your Age.

How Did It Go?

He Left, Didn't He?

( Doorbell )

Hey, Dr. Huxtable!

How You Doing?

It Is So Cold
Out There.

When I Stepped Outside,
This Freezing North Wind Hit Me.

Actually, It Was The West.

We Don't Have
A Weather Vane--

We Have A Bird Feeder.

But The Birds All Went South.

I Still See
Some Of Them Around.

Do You Think It Will Snow?

Thank You.

Is Vanessa Upstairs?

Vanessa Will Not Be Here
Until Late, Late Tonight.

Why Didn't You Say So?

Tell Her I Went
To The Library

To Pick Up That Book
By Edgar Allan Poe.

You Know...
"Nevermore, Nevermore."

I Wanted To Do
"The Pit And The Pendulum"

But It's Too Scary.

You Can Turn The Pages

But The Words
Are Still There.

It Will Snow

Because When It Snows
It's Wet And Damp

And It's Not
Right Now.

I Wish I Could Ski.

Whew.

Thank You.

Do You Remember
What To Tell Vanessa?

I... I...

You're Going To The Restaurant

To Have Some Ribs
With Edgar Allan Poe

At A Place Called
The Pit And The Pendulum.

You'll Be There
Until The Snow Comes

Because It's Wet Outside.

Thank You.

Bye.
Bye-Bye.

( Knocking )

Come In.

Your Problems Are Behind You.

Who's The Man You Want
To Get Rid Of But Can't?

Scott.

The Guy Who's Stealing
Your Girlfriend.

We Know How
To Get Rid Of Him.

Read This Ad.

"Dr. Lotus--

"Licensed Practitioner
Of The Spiritual Sciences.

"Cures Illness, Ends Feuds,
Makes Unwanted People Go Away.

"Results Guaranteed.

Years At The Same Location."

Guys, This Sounds Like
A Voodoo Doctor.

You're In
A Desperate Situation.

And The Situation
Is Getting Bleak.

Can He Really Help?

My Aunt Ruth Knew A Man
Who Owed Another Man Money.

He Wouldn't Pay Him Back.

He Went To A Guy
Like Dr. Lotus.

The Next Day, The Other Guy
Grew A Donkey's Tail.

His Ears
Tripled In Size.

They Were Flapping
Against His Shoulders.

Someone Definitely

Put The Whammy On Him.

What Do You Say, Theo?

Howard?

I've Read About This
In Anthropology.

I've Seen Documentaries

On People
Who Practice The Occult.

They Seem Confident.

You Think It Works?

As A Believer In Empiricism,
I'm Skeptical.

On The Other Hand

I Don't Want To Say
Anything Against These People

For Fear
I'll Wake Up One Morning

With My Arms
And Legs Reversed.

Hey, Mom, Hey, Dad.

What's Happening?

I Need To Ask Something.

I Was Working On A Project
About Unexplained Phenomena.

As A Doctor

Have You Ever Seen
Something Happen To Someone

That You Couldn't Explain?

Like What?

A Guy Growing A Donkey Tail

And His Ears Growing So Large
They Flop Against His Shoulders.

No, I've Never Seen
Anything Like That.

But If You're Talking
About A Growth Malady

Generally, These Things
Can Be Medically Explained.

But Have You Ever
Witnessed Something

That You Could Not
Explain Medically?

There Was A Friend
Of My Grandmother's

Who Was At The House.

I Was In High School
Playing Football.

I Had A Blow That Was
Struck To This Muscle Here.

I Could Not
Run Or Play.

The Game Was
The Next Day.

The Woman Looked
At Me And Said

"Go Upstairs

"Bring Down
The Camphorated Oil

"The Sock You're Going To Wear

And A Copper Penny."

I Brought It Down.

She Poured The Camphorated Oil
Over The Sock

Did A Swipe Like That,
Put The Penny On It

Wrapped The Sock
Around It.

So, I Went To Sleep

And The Pain Was Gone.

Camphorated Oil And A Penny.

I Knew This Woman
Named Mrs. Minerva.

Yes, Yes, Yes.

Mrs. Minerva's Husband Was Dead.

She Used To Tip Around
The Graveyard In Her Slippers

So She Wouldn't Wake Up
The People She Didn't Know.

Every Night Mrs. Minerva
Could Be Found

Tipping Around The Graveyard
In Her Slippers Saying--

"Elbert?

"Elbert?

It's Me-- Clara."

I Don't Know Why,
But At That Very Moment...

The Wind Would
Start To Blow.

Did Elbert Come Back?

No, He Was Dead.

You Could Not Roller Skate
Past Her House.

That's Right.

And Ronald Brown--
Remember Him?

Clair:
Yes, Yes.

Ronald Went
Roller Skating Past

And Ronald Could Skate.

As Soon As He Hit
Where Her House Was

Bam, He Hit The Ground!

We Said,
"Uh-Huh, She's Got You."

So That's...

Why Would He Come Down
And Ask Us Something And Then..?

That's Why These Children
Don't Learn Anything.

Now, Mrs. Clark,
If You Do What I Say

Your Husband Will Come Back
To You Within Six Months.

I Guarantee My Results

Or You Get Your Money Back.

I've Been At This Location
For Years

So I'm Not Going Anywhere.

And No One Asked Me To.

Good-Bye.

( Knocking )

Come In.

Dr. Lotus?

Yes, I'm Dr. Lotus.

Do You Gentlemen
Seek My Assistance?

I Do.

We're Just
His Friends.

Well, Make Yourselves
Comfortable.

Don't Touch That!

Yes, Sir.

No Problem.

Just Be Careful.

There Are Powerful Objects
In Here.

I See That.

What's This?

Oh, Money Elixir.

Say You Need Money.

You Sprinkle This On The Shoes
Of The Man You Want Money From

And He Will Give It To You.

Wait, Wait, Wait.

Does This Actually Work?

I Have Documented Proof,
If You'd Like.

Don't Need It.

Hey, Doc, What's This?

Locator Powder.

If You Lose Something

You Sprinkle This On The Spot
Where You Usually Keep It

And Within Two Weeks
You Will Find It.

I Sell A Lot Of This

To Old People Who Can't
Find Their Glasses.

What Does This Do?

This Is The Stand
I Put The Powder On.

So, Young Man,
What Can I Do To Help You?

I Have A Problem.

Of What Nature?

Love?

Legal?

Money?

Do You Have A Disease?

No, I Don't Have A Disease.

But There's This Guy, Scott

And He's Trying To Bird-Dog
My Girlfriend.

You Know, Move In On Her?

We Want You
To Fix This Guy.

What Do You Want Me
To Do To Him?

Make His Arms
Turn Into Lobster Claws.

Denny:
Then You Could

Make A Tree
Grow Out Of His Neck.

Then Make His Hair
Catch On Fire.

So You'd Like
Something Painful.

That's Right.

Perhaps Even
Copious Amounts Of Blood.

All Right.

Sorry, I Don't Hurt People.

Really? You Should Have
Said That In The Ad.

So How Are You
Going To Help Theo?

I Don't Have To Harm
The Gentleman.

It Seems To Me
What Is Required Here

Is Something
To Make Scott Go Away.

What Do You Mean?

I Mean,
Send Him To Another State--

Perhaps Even Another Country.

You Can Really Do That?

Most Certainly.

I Have Documented Proof.

How Do You Do It?

I Take This Chicken Foot
And Cover It With Vinegar.

Then I Write Scott's Name
Backwards On Sheep Parchment.

I Burn
The Sheep Parchment

And Sprinkle The Ashes
Over The Chicken Foot.

And Scott Will Go Away
And He Will Know Why.

Perfect.

And The Cost Of This Service
Is $ .

$ ?

That's The Cost.

I Guarantee My Results
Or Your Money Back.

I've Been At This Location
For Years

So I'm Not Going
Anywhere.

And No One's Asked Me To.

I Know How
To Get The Money.

The Money Elixir You Sprinkle
On People's Shoes--

How Much Does That Cost?

$ .

$ For The Money Elixir.

$ To Make Scott Go Away.

This Spiritual Stuff
Is Expensive.

Your Looking At
Years Experience

Same Location.

I'm Not Going Anywhere.

And No One's Asked Me To.

Well, I Don't Have $ .

But What Do You Think
You Could Do To Scott For $ ?

$ .

I Could Give Him A Runny Nose.

Hey, Dad.

Hey.

I Need To Ask You
A Question, Dad.

Talk To Me, My Son.

I Don't Usually
Come To You For Money

But This One Is Important.

How Much?

I Need $ .

What For?

I Just Need It.

How Long Have You

Known Me?

What I'm Saying Is,
When Have You Known Me

To Just Shell Out $
For Something

That I Know Nothing About?

Just Give You $ .

You Won't Give It To Me?

Absolutely Not.

I Understand If You Don't Want
To Give Me The $ .

But I Can Get What I Need
For Just $ .

No.

But, Dad, I Need
The Money, Please.

I Want You To Tell Me
What This Is All About.

What Is It For?

I Can't Tell You.

What Do You Mean
You Can't Tell Me?

You Want $ , Right?

Is It For A Surprise Party..?

It Can't Be.

You Wouldn't Spend
That Much On Me.

No, There's This Guy
Who's After Justine.

They've Been
To The Cafe Together.

They've Been
To The Library Together.

Studied From The Same Book.

They've Been
To The Movies Together.

I Don't Want Him Around.

You Can Buy The Guy Off?

No, But For $ , Dr. Lotus
Can Make Sure He Goes Away.

Dr. Lotus?

Dr. Lotus Is A Specialist
In Spiritual Sciences.

For $ ,
He'll Take A Chicken's Foot

Pour Vinegar On It

Sprinkle Burnt Stuff
All Over It

And Scott Will
Go Away From Justine.

Better Yet,
He Will Even Know Why.

I Know Exactly
What You're Talking About.

When I Dated
Your Mother

There Was A Guy Who Kept
Hitting On Your Mother.

I Went To The Guy And Said,
"Look, Man, Leave Her Alone.

"I'm Dating Her.

We Are Serious."

The Guy Says,
"This Is A Free World.

I Can Do What I Want."

I Said,
"You Can Do What You Want

But You Won't
Be Able To See."

And So I Told
My Great-Grandfather About It

And My Great-Grandfather
Took Me Into The Kitchen

Just Like We're In Now.

I'm Telling You
What He Did Worked.

You Want To Try It?

Sure.

Okay.

Pay Attention.

Here We Go.

And These Things
Are Very, Very Simple.

They're All Right Here.

And It's Going To Work

I'm Telling You.

And I Did Exactly
What My Grandfather Said

And The Guy...

Bingo!

Success.

Take Your Coat Off.

Okay.

You're Sure This Works?

Am I Not Married To Your Mother?

Okay.

Just Put Your Hands
Out Like This.

Now, This Is Exactly...

Exactly The Way
It Happened.

There We Go.

One, Two, Three.

There You Go.

Now, Just Fold Them
And Put Them Together

Because I've
Got To Read These...

Yeah!

This Is It.

Is It Working?

Yeah, Yeah.

Open It Up.

Open It, Open It.

There You Go.

Now Turn It...

Just Hold Them Like That.

I'm Reading Them.

Reading The Beans.

Ah, Yeah.

All Right, Now Put Your Face
Right Over The Bowl.

Face Right Over The Bowl.

Now, Hold Still.

There You Go.

Ah, Yeah.

Bring It On Down
That Way.

Hold It Like That.

All Right.

Here We Go.

All Right,
Now Hold Tight.

Hold Tight.

Dad, Is This Working?

It's Working.

The Beans--
I'm Reading Them.

The Beans Say

You Must Say
The Following Thing...

Three Times.

"I Will Pay More Attention
To My Woman."

I Will Pay More Attention

To My Woman.

I Will Pay

More Attention To...

My Woman.

I Will Pay More Attention...

( Laughing )

Okay, Dad.

I Got It.

Dad?

Dad?

Okay, Dad.

Hi, Justine?

Yeah, This Is Theo.

Uh...You Mind If I Come Over
And Talk To You?

All Right, I'll Need About
Half An Hour To Clean Up.