05x16 - No Way, Baby

[bunniefuu]

How You Doing, Homie?

Hi, Dad.

How's Everything?

Good.

Take A Look...

What Is This?

That's For
My Video Party.

We're Not Having Kids
Eating All That Sugar.

It Kicks In And Turns Them Into
Human Pinballs.

They Run Around
And Vandalize My House.

Take It Back And Bring
Some Fruit Out Here.

Okay.
What Did You Rent?

Oooh, Wow!

Take A Look.

Check It Out.

You Got Some
Old Favorites There.

Old Yeller Again?

It Gets Better, Dear,
The More You See It.

Don't You Like The Part
Where He Goes "Aah-Oooo"?

Dad, My Friends Like Movies
That Are More Hip.

Hip Movies.

Like What, Dear?

Porky's, Porky's ,
Porky's Revenge.

Those Movies Are R-Rated.

How Did You Find Out
About Them?

Theo And His Friends
Saw It And Talked About It.

Kim And Her Sister Saw It
And Said It Was Hilarious.

Let Me Tell You Something.

Your Mother And I Do Not Want
Our Nine-Year-Old Daughter

Seeing Movies With
That Kind Of Language.

Okay?

Dad, Let Me Explain Something.

Don't Explain.

I Don't Want...

Nine-Year-Olds Today Aren't Like
When You Were Nine.

Corny Things
Were In Then.

Like Stories About Dogs...
Ah-Ooo!

It's A New Age, Dad.

Get With It.

Here We Go.

You Guys Ready For The Videos
I Brought For You To See?

Did You Get Friday The th

Or The Texas
Chainsaw m*ssacre?

We're Not Having That.

We're Going To See Movies
With Chills And Suspense.

Uh-Oh.

That's What He Says
Every Time He Shows

Old Yeller And
Treasure Island.

Old Yeller Dies At The End.

Then Dr. Huxtable Cries.

Dr. Huxtable, Since You Like Dog Stories

Have You Seen
The Hound Of The Damned?

That Dog Is Better Than
Old Yeller.

His Eyes Are Red
And He Speaks Latin

And He Only Likes Human Blood.

Yeah!

You People Are Sick.

You're Going To Watch

Old Yeller And Long John Silver

And You're Going To Like It.

I Don't Even Want To Stay In
The Same Room With You People.

I'll Put Treasure Island
In The Vcr.

Rudy, Wait.

I Have Something Even Better.

The Gross-Out g*ng.

What's The Gross-Out g*ng?

You'll Love Them.

One Of Them Is Called
Grimy Jerry.

He Picks His Nose
And Wipes It On People.

Eww!

That Sounds Great.

Let's Watch It.

I'm Not Allowed
To Watch That Tape.

When It Was In The Theaters,
I Couldn't See It.

Your Dad's Downstairs
And Your Mom's At Work.

There's Nobody Here
To Catch Us.

Almost Everyone Has Seen It.

You Haveto See It.

Well... Okay.

I Set It At The Good Part.

(Belching)

Belching Billy:
I Shouldn't Have Eaten
Those Last Nine Hot Dogs.

Sloppy Sally:
Look What's Coming Out
Of Grimy's Nose.

What's That Smell?

Grimy Jerry:
It's That Liverwurst Sandwich
In Belching Billy's Pocket.

It's Been There
For Two Weeks.

Belching Billy:
I Just Don't Eat
The Green Parts.

Where Did This
Come From?

Hey, How Was The Party?

I Came Through
This Door

And All The Children
Were Sitting Here Watching

The Gross-Out g*ng Movie.

Those Weird-Looking Kids That
Belch And Throw Snot On People.

I Told You I Didn't Want You
Watching That Movie.

But, Dad,
People's Bodies Make Noise.

It's A Part Of Life.

I'm Going To Meet Jeremy.

I'll Be Back At : .

You Finished Your Homework?

Yes.

I'll See You Later.

Bye, Rudy.

Vanessa Gets To Do
Whatever She Wants.

Going Out On
A School Night.

Vanessa Is .

When You're ,
You Can Do That, Too.

I Want To Do That Now

When I'm Nine.

Go Upstairs
And Do Your Homework.

I'll Check On You At : .

Be Ready For Bed.

: .

Why Can't I Stay Up
Past : ?

They Say It's
A Free World, Ha!

It's A Free Nothing.

It's Free Because We Pay For It.

Want Some Tea?

Thank You.

You Know, Cliff

Rudy Might Not Be
Entirely Off The Mark.

Maybe We Should Reconsider
Some Of Our Rules.

Every Night
Rudy Goes To Bed At : .

Why : ?

Because The Children Before Her
Went To Bed At : .

My Mother
Made Me

Go To Bed At : .

I Could Stay Up Till :
And I Turned Out Okay.

You Talking About My Mother?

But You Have To Admit

Our Rules Do Not Give Us
Perfect Children.

Sondra Dropped Out
Of Law School.

Denise Is In The Jungle.

Theo Cannot
Get Into The Dorm

And Vanessa Lies And Stays Out
Necking In The Woods.

That Has Nothing
To Do With : .

If We Set Rules,
They Should Be Followed.

It's Because
We Know Better... I Think.

I'll Give You
An Example.

There Was A Man Named Mr. Ike.

Mr. Ike Had A Tv Set.

He Liked To Watch The Fights
On Wednesday Nights.

I Was About Ten Years Old.

I'd Go Over To His House
To Watch The Fights.

Mr. Ike Chewed Tobacco.

It Looked Good.

I Said,
"Mr. Ike, Can I Have Some?"

He Said,
"No, You Can't."

"Why?"

"You're Too Little
And It's Not Good For You."

I Kept Bothering Mr. Ike.

Finally I Said,
"Please, I Know How To Do It.

Please Let Me Do It."

So Mr. Ike Looked Around,
Gave Me A Little Bit.

I Put It In My Mouth
And Had It Just Like Mr. Ike.

I'm Sitting There,
And This Stuff Is Burning.

"It's The Best Time
I've Ever Had, Mr. Ike."

The Next Thing I Knew,
A Half Hour Into The Fight

Something Said

"What Did You Do With
That Last Mouthful Of Juice?"

I Couldn't Remember
What I Had Done With It.

My Stomach Knew Where It Was.

All Over The Place.

Old People Know Better,
I'm Telling You.

Rudy, What Are You Doing Up?

You Should Be In Bed.

You Always Say
Whenever Something's Wrong

We Can Talk To You.

What Is It?

I Have A List
Of Things

I Know I Can Do

But You Won't Let Me
Because I'm Nine.

I Don't Think It's Fair.

What?

I Have To Be In Bed At : .

That Is Not Fair.

Sometimes I Am Not
Sleepy At : .

I Have To Wear
Whatever You Tell Me To.

I Cannot Pick Out
My Own Clothes.

My Lunch:

Sometimes I Do Not Like
What You Make

And I Get In Trouble

If I Don't
Eat It.

I'm Not Allowed To See Movies
Most Of My Friends Have Seen.

They're Laughing
And Having A Good Time

While I'm At Home
Waiting To Get Older.

Is That The End?

Yes.

Let Me Have It.

I Am Very Impressed With
Your Clarity Of Expression.

Thank You.

She Has Come To Us
Thoughtfully And Diplomatically

And We Should Change
One Of Those Rules.

Did She Age When
She Came Through The Door?

Let's Change Number One.

Cliff:
Okay.

You Can Stay Up
As Late As You Want.

All Right!

But You Have To Do
All Your Homework

Get Yourself Up
In The Morning

And You Can't Be Late
For School Once.

No Problem.

Okay, We Got A Deal.

Good Night.

Good Night?

I Don't Have To Go To Bed.

No, We're Going To Bed.

Good Night.

That's All Right With Me.

I Think I'll Watch Tv.

The Night Is Young.

Bye.

(Theme Music From
The Tonight Show)

From Hollywood,
The Tonight Show

Starring Johnny Carson.

This Is Ed Mcmahon,
Along With Doc Severinsen

And The Nbc Orchestra

Inviting You To Join Johnny
And His Guests, Don Rickles

From The San Diego Zoo,
Joan Embry, Comedian Bob Nelson

And The Mighty Carson
Art Players.

Ladies And Gentlemen

Heeeeere's Johnny.

There's Something On
Called The Tonight Show.

You Know That Guy
From Star Search?

He's On It.

Is She Allowed
To Stay Up This Late?

What Are You Doing?

I'm Allowed To Stay Up Now.

You Better
Get Upstairs

Before Mom
And Dad See You.

I Asked Mom And Dad
To Change The Rule.

I Can Stay Up Now.

Theo, You're Wrong
About Your Parents.

They Sound
Very Progressive.

Why Don't You Join Me?

We Can't.
We Have To Study.

My Homework's Done.

I'll Stay Here.

For How Long?

I Don't Know.

They Always Said
That The Last Child

Gets Away
With The Most.

I Guess They're Right.

Look At You.

Yes!

Let's Get Those Accounts
When We Get The Preacher.

Yeah.

Only This Time,
No Mistakes.

I'm Taking Care
Of This Job Myself.

Listen, Mack, I Don't Care
How You Handle Sullivan

But It's Got To Look
Like An Accident

With That Priest.

Leave That To Me.

(g*nshots)

No, No, I'll Do Anything.

No, You Won't.

Rudy? Rudy?

Hmm.

All Right, Come On.

Let's Go.

We're Going To School.

Get Up.

I Don't Want
To Get Up.

No, You Are
Going To Get Up.

I Have
A Stomach Ache.

I Don't Want
To Get Up.

I Saw All
That Food You Ate.

You Should Not Only
Have A Stomachache

But Smell Like
The Gross-Out Children.

Daddy,
Leave Me Alone.

I Want To Stay
In Bed.

I'll Take You
To The Hospital.

I Don't Want
To Go To The Hospital.

Then You Have To Get Up.

Please, Daddy.

No "Please, Daddy".

Why Are You
Being So Mean?

I Have
A Stomachache.

You're Going
To Put Your Clothes On

And Get Ready To Go...

Oh, No, No, Ma'am.

You Heard The Tune

Now You Got
To Pay The Piper.

Here We Go,
Up And Away.

Put These Clothes On.

I Don't Want
To Wear That.

Then Pick Out
What You Want To Wear

Come Downstairs,
Make Your Lunch--

Bingo!
You're Off To School.

Did You Have A Good Time,
That's The Question.

No Fair.

I Beg Your Pardon?

Come On, Get Up.

Bring These Clothes
With You.

You're Going To Take
A Shower

And Don't Yawn,
You Might Drown.

(Dog Howling)

(Phone Ringing)

Hello.

Yes, Mrs. Cutler.

How Are You?

Rudy's Been Listless And Cranky.

I'm Not Surprised About That
Because Mrs. Huxtable And I

Have Been Having An Experiment
With The Rules With Her

And We Let Her Stay Up
For A Couple Of Days.

From What I Saw This Morning,
She's Not Far From The Fall.

Okay.

Thank You.

Bye-Bye.

Hi, Dad.

Heeeeere's Rudy.

How You Feeling?

Never Felt Better.

Not Tired, Huh?

Me? No.

I Love My New Freedom.

How Was Everything
In School Today?

Fabulous.

I Was Even Smarter Than Usual.

I Think It's From Staying Up.

Your Teacher
Must Have Been Happy.

Yep, And The Kids
Were Cracking Up

With Jokes From
The Tonight Show

That They Hadn't Heard
'Cause They Were In Bed.

Those Hockey Pucks.

So You're Looking Forward
To Tonight, Huh?

You Better Believe It.

I Have Good News For You.

I Go Into Work Late Tomorrow,
So I'll Join You.

We'll Watch
The Tonight Show

And Then At : , There's An Old

Black-And-White
James Cagney Movie On.

We Can Watch It Together.

Okay, But First
I Have To Do My Homework.

There You Go.

I'll Be Right Back,
After These Messages.

Hi-Yo!
Hi-Yo!

(Humming Theme From
The Tonight Show)

(Dog Howling)

Come On.

Wake Up, Wake Up.

Got To Hit The Homework,
The Big "H."

Yeah.

(Knocking)

Hey!

What?

Don't You Know
How To Knock?

I'm Sorry.

I Wanted
To Tell You

How Impressed I Am.

What Do You Mean?

When I Was Your Age

I Could Never Find A Way
To Stay Up.

You Gave Mom
And Dad A List

And They Changed It.

What Are You
Really Doing In Here?

You're Making Fun Of Me.

No, I'm Really Proud Of You.

I Don't Believe It.

You Came In Here To Laugh At Me
Because I'm Tired.

What's Wrong With You?

Don't Play Dumb With Me.

I Know What
You're Doing.

The Whole Family's
Setting Me Up To Fail.

Kenny Said You're Trying
To Teach Me A Lesson.

You Don't Think
I Can Stay Up.

I'm On To You,
Sister.

You're The Ones

That Will Look
Like Fools, See

When I Pull This Off.

You Know What
Your Problem Is?

You've Been Staying Up

Watching Too Many
Gangster Movies.

I'll Watch What I Want,
When I Want.

You Palookas
Can't Stop Me.

I've Been In
Tougher Fixes.

Take Your Phony Smile
And Hit The Bricks.

Hit The Bricks?

Yeah, Scram, Baby.

They're Not Going
To Take Me Alive, Yeah.

All Right.

A Lovely Snack For Two.

Rudy's Been Quiet
For Three Hours.

Do You Think She's Going
To Watch Television With You?

No, But I Promised Her

That I Would Be Here,
And I Shall.

I Hope She Doesn't Make It

Because Frankly,
She Needs The Rest.

And I Could Enjoy Some Time
Alone With You.

With Nothing

But The Flickering Light
Of The Television

To Illuminate Us.

Hi, Here I Am.

No One's Going
To Tell Me

I Can't Stay Up.

You Really Want
To Do This?

Mm-Hmm.

Make Room
On The Couch.

I Had
Something Going

Till You
Came Down Here.

You Can Go To Your Room.

I'll Leave
You Two.

Good Night.

Good Night,
Honey.

Flip On The Tube.

We're Going To Miss
Johnny's Monologue.

What?

Put The Tube On.

I'm Almost Sick Of You.

This Is Ed Mcmahon,
Along With Doc Severinsen

And The Nbc Orchestra

Inviting You To Join Johnny
And His Guests

Robert Klein, Blair Brown

And Seven-Year-Old
California Commissioner

Teddy Andrews.

And Now, Ladies And Gentlemen,
Heeeere's Johnny.

Hi-Yo!