05x12 - Truth or Consequences

[bunniefuu]

Elvin:
Hey, Guys.

Yeah.

Hey, Look Over Here.

Look At Daddy.

Look At Daddy.

( Laughing )

Muffin, Come Here.

Pick Up Winnie And Nelson.

Honey, Stop It.

Let Me Change First.

You Said
You'd Cut This Part Out.

I Couldn't Resist.

Just Show The Babies
And Don't Show Me.

I Promise.

Say Gitchee-Gitchee-Goo.

I'm Not Going To Say That.

Looky.

Looky.

You Said You Weren't
Going To Show Me.

It's Not On.

Really?

Yeah, It's Not Running.

Great Fake-Out, Elvin.

I'm Good At Getting People
To Act Natural.

That's Because You Lie.

I'm Glad They Didn't
Have Video Cameras

When Your Father
Became A Father.

Watch The Video.

Don't Look
At The Camera.

Put That Thing Down!

It's The First Video I've Gotten
Of People Watching My Videos.

It's A Whole
New Dimension.

Just Look Natural, Please.

Okay, Kenny,
Let's Act Natural.

Clair:
Let's All
Act Natural.

♪ La Cucaracha,
La Cucaracha ♪

♪ Ya No Quiere Caminar ♪

♪ Porque No Tiene
A Las Piernas ♪

♪ Es Dificil ♪

♪ Ha, Ha, Ha ♪

Elvin:
Honey, I've Never Seen
That Face On You.

Thank You For Not Looking
Into The Camera, Kenny.

Mr. Natural Himself
Coming Up Here.

Thank You.

Next.

Elvin:
Granddad!

Hi, Grandpa.

Hi, Clair.

I Want A Video Of You

Watching The Family
Watching My Video.

Elvin, That's Enough.

I See Everybody
Except My Great-Grandchildren.

They're Upstairs
Taking A Nap.

They're On Video.

Everybody Doesn't Mind
Watching This Again.

No!

I'll Show That To You Later.

Would You Stay
For Dinner?

I'm On My Way Home From
Madison Square Garden.

I Visited A Friend

Whose Grandson Is Playing
In A Band There Tonight.

Tonight's The Night
Of The Michael Jackson Concert.

Is He In The Band?

I Believe He Said

The Young Fellow Who Sings
Is Named Michael Jackson.

You Know Somebody
In Michael Jackson's Band?

He Offered Me Eight Tickets.

I Didn't Know Anyone
Who Wanted Them

So I Turned Him Down.

( Frantic Yelling )

Why Is Everybody So Upset?

It's Just A Music Concert.

Michael Jackson Is The Hottest
Thing In Music Today.

Is That A Fact?

Yes!

That Concert's Been Sold Out
For Months.

You've Got To Call Him
And Demand Those Tickets.

I'm Afraid
It's Too Late For That.

I'm Going To Get A Soda.

Wait.

What's Wrong With My Memory?

Look What I Have Here.

I Did Get Those Tickets.

( Yelling And Screaming )

Great Fake-Out.

Scream Again.

Take The Tickets Out.

Are There Enough Tickets
For Everybody?

There's Anna And Me.

You Two Don't Want To See
A Michael Jackson Concert.

We Love Michael.

He's Bad!

That's Two
And Then There's Me.

I'm Definitely
Getting A Ticket.

Me, Too.

Me, Too.

With Mom And Dad,
That's Seven.

Sondra And Elvin Will Flip
For The Last Ticket.

They Can Have
Those Tickets.

Cliff And I
Can Baby-Sit.

Sondra:
Oh, Mom, No.

We'd Love To Stay Home
With The Babies.

Okay. Thanks.

That Still Leaves
One Extra Ticket.

Who Gets That?

Ahem!

Ahem!

Kenny,
Are You Sick?

That Ticket Should Go
To A Close Friend Of The Family.

Good Idea.

I Wish I Could
Think Of Somebody.

We Could Look
In The Phone Book.

Hey!

You Get
The Extra Ticket.

All Right!

It's About Time
You Gave It To Me.

I'm Calling Kara.

I'm So Excited!

This Is Going
To Be So Great.

I'll Pick Out What I'll Wear.

I'll Help You To Make Sure

You Look Good.

Michael Jackson!

I Can't Believe It.

We Haven't Been Out
Since The Babies Were Born.

I Feel Bad About
Your Parents

I Think They Should
Have The Tickets.

I Said You Could Have Them.

I Mean It.

People Are Saying It's
Michael's Last Tour.

It's A Shame Because
He's Dancing Better Than Ever.

I'm Really Not Much
Of A Michael Jackson Fan.

What Do You Mean?

You Have All
Of His Albums.

You Bought His Book.

You Even Learned
To Moonwalk.

Madison Square Garden
Is So Big.

We'll Probably Sit
In The Back.

We'll Need A Telescope
To See Him.

Not With These.

Eighth Row Center.

You'll Probably
Sit Next To

Latoya And Jermaine.

It's A Chance Of A Lifetime.

What Is Your Problem?

I Can't Be Hanging Out
At Rock Concerts All Night.

I've Got Responsibilities.

I'm A Father Now.

Is This About The Twins?

Are You Afraid To Let
Someone Else Watch Them?

Ha Ha.

I Laugh At That Suggestion.

It's Starting
To Make Sense.

Every Time I've
Wanted To Go Out

Elvin's Had
A Different Excuse.

Last Time I Wanted
To Go To The Movies

You Said You Couldn't Go

Because They Didn't Sell
Frozen Bonbons.

I Once Offered To Drive Over
And Baby-Sit.

Elvin Said A Steamship

Collided With
The George Washington Bridge.

No Cars Could Get Across.

It Did.

I Heard It At The Supermarket.

It Was Terrible.

There Were People
In The Water.

This Is Your First Time
Away From Your Children.

It's Only Natural
You'd Be Apprehensive.

I'm Not Apprehensive.

Afraid?

I'm Not Afraid.

You Mean That?

Yes.

You Really Do?

No.

How Can We
Leave Them?

Muffin, They're Our Babies.

Those Little Tiny Faces.

They're In
Their Formative Years.

How Can We Abandon Them
Even For One Night?

I'm Not Going.

Elvin, Stop It.

Everything Will Be All Right.

We'll Take Care
Of Winnie And Nelson.

Do You Know How?

Son, Chill Out.

Raising Children
Is Like Riding A Bicycle.

Once You've Done It,
You Never Forget How.

They're My Babies, Too.

I Love Them.

But I Need A Break.

We're Going
To The Concert

And We Appreciate
Your Offer.

Okay, Fine... I Suppose.

Will You Promise Me One Thing?

What?

Videotape Them.

I Don't Want To Miss A Minute
Of Their Growing Up.

You Know Where The Camera Is?

Elvin, Drink Your Tea.

I Like This One.

I Like This One, Too.

What Do You Think?

You've Been Through
Everything In Your Closet.

Just Pick One.

Women!

This Is Important.

I Have To Pick
The Right Dress.

Michael Might See Me.

Get Real.

He Might.

Might Even Pick Me
To Dance With Him.

That Won't Happen.

What's The Big Deal About
Dancing With Michael Jackson?

He's A Superstar.

He's Just Another Guy.

You've Danced With Guys Before.

You've Danced With Me.

You're No Michael Jackson.

Only Reason You Like
Michael Jackson Is His Money.

Sounds Like Someone In This Room
Is Jealous.

He's A Prisoner Of His Own Fame.

I Would Never Want To Be
Michael Jackson.

You Have Nothing To Worry About.

You Know What Your Problem Is?

You've Got The Real Thing
And Don't Know It.

You're The Real Thing?!

Someday You'll Turn Around
And I Won't Be There.

Then You'll Feel Sorry.

Yeah?

I Won't Feel Sorry

Because I'll Be On My Honeymoon
With Michael.

I'll Be On My Honeymoon
With Whitney Houston.

You Never Told Me
You Liked Whitney Houston.

Now You Know.

Deal With That.

We're Here.

My Great-Grandchildren.

Winnie And Nelson.

Hi, Babies.

This Is Auntie Rudy.

Yes, It Is.

I Remember When People
Said Hi To Me.

Hi.

Can I Hold One?

Who Would You Like To Hold?

Winnie.

You Have To Guess
Which One She Is.

This One?

Very Good.

You Know Your Niece.

Be Careful.

Hi There.

Pretty Soon
I'll Be Baby-Sitting You.

I'll Let You Stay Up All Night
And Watch Television.

Rudy, She's
Got Your Eyes.

Yeah.

They're Big And Pretty.

I'm Going To Take Them Upstairs
And Put Them To Bed.

When I Get Back From
The Michael Jackson Concert

I'll Tell You
All About It.

Yes, I Will.

Come On,
Auntie Rudy.

He's That Sick, Margie?

It's Just A Terrible Time
To Come To The Office.

I'm Baby-Sitting
My Grandchildren.

Cliff?

No, He Won't Mind.

He'd Like Nothing Better

Than To Spend
The Entire Evening With Them.

I'll Be There As Soon As I Can.

Bye-Bye.

Hey, Look At You.

That's What I Like About Twins--
One For Each Of Us.

What's Happening, Homey?

What's Wrong
With This One?

She's Sad.

Really?

( Sniffing )

Smells All Right To Me.

Isn't This Going To Be Fun?

I've Got To Go
To The Office.

Ted Hanley's
Not Feeling Well.

I've Got To Prepare
His Brief.

Look At This.

Laughing At Grandpa.

Go Ahead.

Give Grandpa A Laugh.

Yeah.

You Go Ahead.

Okay.

Leave Me Here With
These Two Juvenile Delinquents.

This Is Granddad,
You Understand?

There Will Be
No Crying Around Here

For No Reason.

Now, Let Me Tell You Why.

( Baby Fusses )

No, No.

See This?

Yeah.

See, You Know Exactly
What That Is.

This Is... Now Wait A Minute.

Let Me Tell You.

Let Me Tell You What This Is.

This Is An Aspirator.

You Put This Up The Baby's Nose.

And It Goes...

( Sucking Noise )

And It Sucks Out
All Of Everything.

Little Children Hate That

And They Remember It Always.

( Kissing Noises )

Well, Now, How Are You Two?

Hmm?

Winnie And Nelson.

♪ Sitting In The Pelson ♪

♪ One Want To Go ♪

♪ And The Other Want To Stay ♪

Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey,
Hey, Hey, Hey.

I Got Another One
For You.

♪ Fee-Diddly-Dee ♪

♪ Fee-Diddly-Die ♪

♪ Where You Want To Go? ♪

♪ Where You Want To Cry? ♪

♪ Watch Me, Toodle-Oo ♪

♪ Watch To The Right ♪

♪ Watch To The One ♪

♪ You Love The Best ♪

♪ Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey ♪

♪ And... ♪

Thought I Was Gone, Didn't You?

Uh, Say, You're Having A Little
Hair Trouble There, Aren't You?

Your Sister's Stuff Is Going
All East, South, West

But You...You...

Are You Having
Woman Trouble Already?

Hi.

Hi.

Hello.

Now, I Am Your Grandfather.

This Is The First Time

We've Had A Chance...

I Am Your Grand...

Help Me Out.

What Are We Looking At?

I... I Am...

I Am Your Grand...

Say.

Say.

Look At This.

Look At This Little...

Look At This One.

That's How Big They Get.

This Is How Big, See?

See What You Have?

Ooohhh!

Wait A Minute,
I'll Go Get Something.

You Should Tell People
When You're Going To Do That.

Of Course, You Don't
Know Much About Me, Do You?

Do You?

You Don't Know
That I Had A Brother.

Do You Know That?

I Had A Brother.

Yeah, He Died.

When He Was Seven.

I Was Eight.

Yeah, His Name Was James.

James Theodore Huxtable.

Yeah, And He Died
Of Rheumatic Fever.

Yeah, In Those Days,
Just Sulfa dr*gs, You Know?

Wasn't Much Going On.

So They Couldn't Save Him.

But He Was Something, Though.

Had That Huxtable Thing
Inside Of Him.

Because, You Know,
His Breathing?

His Breathing Was Like This...

And He Was Always
In The Hospital.

So Your Great-Grandmother
And Great-Grandfather

They Would Say

"James Is Coming Home,
So You Have To Sit With Him."

We'd Sit Outside In The Sun

And He'd Breathe Like This.

And One Day I Was Sitting There
Looking At Him

And This Dude Came Up--

He Must Have Been
Seven Years Old--

And He Looked At My Brother
And He Said

"He's A Sickly Looking
Little Guy."

And Man, "Bow"

James Jumped Up And Hit The Guy
In The Eye.

And I Turned Around

And Looked At
My Little Sickly Brother

And He Was Sitting Down
Like This.

I Said, "Go Ahead, James."

But He Died

And I Was Very Sad.

But He's Still With Me.

Still With Me Here.

And He Will Be With You

Because I'm Going To Tell You
Some Stories About Him.

He Was Something.

Well, Never Mind.

I Want To Know
From The Two Of You

How Has It Been So Far?

Now, When I Heard
I Was Going To Be A Grandfather

I Thought, "I Don't Really Feel
Like An Old Person."

You Know What I Mean?

Because Old People

They Walk Like This.

Now Watch Me Carefully.

You See What I Mean?

Look At How I Walk.

Almost Like Sidney Poitier.

You See What I Mean?

There Is A Problem, Though.

I Hurt My Foot The Other Day.

So When I Got Up,
I Put The Foot Down

And It Hurt.

I Couldn't... You Know?

I Had To Walk Like This.

So I Was Walking Like That
And I Noticed

That I Was Walking
Like An Old Person.

So I Was Walking Like This.

So Then I Figured

If People Are Looking At Me,
Maybe If I Walk Hip, See?

So Then I Was Trying...

And There I Was Walking Like
A Hip Old Person.

Now, I Was Explaining To You...

See This?

That's When You Threw Up.

Are They Coming Again?

See This?

This Is The Size
It's Going To Get.

Touch It.

Don't Be Afraid, Go Ahead.

Watch, Look At It.

Look At It.

Oh, Lord, I Think One Of Them
Is Not Going To Be Too Bright.

♪ Rock-A-Bye ♪

♪ And Don't You Even Try ♪

♪ Because I've Got This One ♪

♪ And Darn I Hope
Your Grandmother ♪

♪ Comes Home Soon ♪

♪ Because I Don't Like
Being A Grandfather Anymore ♪

I Just Put Cliff To Bed,
Poor Thing.

It's Been A Long Time

Since He Did
Anything Like This.

We Had A Wonderful Time.

I Needed It.

I'm Glad You
Got To Go.

And We Brought You A Present.

Oooh!

A Michael Jackson T-Shirt.

And This Is For Dad.

And, Winnie, This Is For You.

Can You Hold That?

And, Nelson, This Is For You.

And We Also Got You
Michael Jackson Poster

And Michael Jackson Book.

We Got You Something
That Money Cannot Buy.

Watch Me.

Watch Daddy.

Watch, Watch.

Nelson, Winnie, Ready?

One, Two, Three, Four.