05x08 - Cyranoise de Bergington

Episode transcripts for the TV series, "The Cosby Show". Aired: September 20, 1984 – April 30, 1992.*
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Series follows the Huxtable family, an African-American upper middle class family, living in a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights, New York.
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05x08 - Cyranoise de Bergington

Post by bunniefuu »

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Yesterday On The Cosby Show:

Do Your Job, Boy.

Hold Her.

I Think... What Time?

Time.

Ten Minutes,
Seconds.

Contraction!

It's Time!

The Car!

I'm A Father!

Elvin, Honey, Please!

Take It Easy.

I Think My Heart
Has Stopped.

Just Breathe Slowly.

Elvin's Hyperventilating.

I Hope You're Not
Disappointed In Me, Dad.

You're Nervous, Aren't You?

No.

You Are Nervous.

You're Rubbing Your Head.

You've Been Doing That
Since Medical School.

Every Night Before A Major Exam,
You'd Rub Your Head Like That.

I Used To Think
You'd Be Bald.

I'm Not Nervous.

Yep, You're Nervous.

What Are You
Talking About?

Then What Is That?

That's My Foot
Going Like This.

But You See,
You're The One Who's Nervous.

No, I'm Not.

You Would Not Notice
These Things

Unless You Were Nervous.

So You're Putting It On Me.

I Am Not Nervous, Cliff

But You Are
Getting On My Nerves.

Well, Excuse Me
For Being On This Planet.

Cliff, Please Don't Sit There
Like A Block Of Wood.

Oh, Yes, Well?

It Was
A False Alarm.

False Alarm?

She Was Fully Dilated

But She's Got
More Pushing To Do.

Are You Trying
To Get Overtime?

How Is Sondra?

Terrific.
She Has Tremendous Spirit.

She's Everything I'd Imagine
Your Daughter To Be.

How's Elvin?

Still On His Feet.

Mrs. Huxtable,
Why Don't You Go In?

Absolutely.

Oh, Actually,
She Only Asked For Her.

All You People

Are Having Fun With Me,
Aren't You?

All Right.

Thanks, Dad.

Hang In There.

Bye.

Sondra Had
A False Alarm.

How's She Doing?

The Doctor Says She's Great.

Sondra's Tough.

When Your Mom And Dad Come Back
From The Hospital

Let's Have Dinner Waiting.

Julia, That's
An Extremely Thoughtful Idea.

You Are So Considerate.

I'll Look Through My Cookbook
And See What I Can Find.

Your Cookbook?

You Cook, Theo?

With Two Parents
Who Both Have Careers

I'm Called On All The Time
To Feed The Family.

I Recall A Time
When Your Parents Were Working

And You Asked Me To Make You
A Peanut Butter Sandwich.

How About
Spaghetti And Meatballs?

I Usually Make Fancier Dishes

But I'll Try Something Ordinary.

Justine, Why Don't
We Get Dessert

While The Men
Do The Cooking?

Sure.

All Right.

We'll Hurry Back.

See You Later,
Honey.

Howard, Let's Go.

After You, Monsieur.

You've Got It.

You Have Any Tomatoes?

What Do We Need Tomatoes For?

Sauce.

Oh, Yeah, Right.

All Right,
We'll Start With These.

What Do You Have?

Green Peppers.

Okay.

Green Pepper
Number One, Number Two.

Yeah.

You Chop The Green Peppers,
And I'll Slice The Tomatoes.

You Got It.

I Hope I'm Not
Getting Too Personal

But I Sense Some Tension
Between You And Justine.

Man, You Know
How Relationships Are.

You Have
Your Good Times...

Your Bad Times.

I Know.

Justine And I Have
Gone Out For A While

But I'm Not Sure She's The One.

Maybe There's
Somebody Else For Me.

Like Julia?

No.

I Don't Mean
Julia In Particular.

Someone Like Her

Or Maybe Not.

Theo, You're Not Disguising
Your Feelings For Julia.

It's That Obvious?

I'm Afraid So.

She's A Spectacular-Looking
Woman.

I Know.

Howard, Can I Ask You
A Personal Question?

Of Course.

How Did You
End Up With Her?

Not That You Shouldn't.

I'm Just Curious.

I Know I'm Not
The Greatest Looking Guy

But Julia Finds
My Intellect Appealing.

The Better My Grades

The More She Gets Excited.

Why Do You Think I Work My Tail
Off For Those A-Pluses?

That's It?

There's Nothing More?

No.

I'm Not Athletic.

I Don't Dance Very Well.

I Don't Own A Car.

I'm Always Broke.

So It's Just Grades?

Well, No.

I Treat Her Nicely, Too.

We Have Fun Together.

Sounds Like
You're In This Forever.

That's The Problem.

She Wants A Commitment.

I'm Not Ready.

You're Not Ready
To Commit To Julia?

How Could You Do Better?

It's A Matter Of Feeling Right.

I'm Not Sure If I Want To Give
Myself Over Completely To Julia.

Man, Up Until Now

I Thought You Were
The Smartest Guy I Ever Met.

Russell,
What Are You Doing?

Elvin's Mother And Father
Are Coming, Dear.

Hey.

I Can't Believe
The Traffic In This City.

They Should
Take Away The License

Of Half The People
On The Road.

Lester, You Didn't Help Things.

Your Hand Was On The Horn
The Last Eleven Miles.

There's A Lot Of Numbskulls
And Nincompoops Out There.

Hello, Everybody.

Sorry To Be Late.

How Is Sondra?

Fine.

And How's Our Son?

He Is A Pillar
Of Strength.

He's Just Like
A Rock.

Cliffy, You're
Lying To Me Face.

I Know My Boy

And He Can't
Take The Pressure.

He Fainted, Right?

Just Once

But Other Than That,
He's Just Fine.

What Did You Two Bring?

Lester Started
Buying Toys Three Months Ago.

You Are Going
To Make Us Look Bad.

You Buy The Toys.

We'll Take Care
Of The Accessories

Like The Bottles, The Diapers.

Deal.

If Elvin Hadn't Gone Into
This Wilderness Store Business

He Could Buy
What The Child Needs.

I Don't Know Why He Dropped Out
Of Medical School.

After Watching Him,
I Think I Know...

I Mean Every Time
Sondra Went "Oooo"

Elvin Went "Haaaagada."

We Were Disappointed

When Elvin And Sondra
Didn't Go To Graduate School.

Cliff And Clair
Offered To Pay Tuition

But They Refused.

I Know.

When I Heard That Elvin
Turned Down Free Money

I Nearly Start To Cry.

Cliffy, Any Time You Want
To Send Me To Medical School

I Ready

And I Promise You
I'm Not Going To Pass Out.

Cliff...

Francine And Lester,
You Made It In Time.

It's Happening.

It Is, Really?

I Saw The Top
Of The Head.

It Was The Prettiest
Top Of The Head I Ever Saw.

Whose Head It Look Like?

Breathe, Breathe, Honey.

I Want To Push.

No, Not Yet.

Look At Me.

You're Doing Fine.

Can I Push Now, Please?

Yes.

Honey, Push.

Honey...

Come On.

Give Me
A Big One.

Push, Honey.

Push.

It's On Its Way Now.

We're Almost There,
Honey.

What Do You Mean "We"?

Keep Pushing.

All Right, You're Doing Fine.

Doctor:
There You Go.

( Baby Crying )

It's A Boy.

It's A Boy?

It's A Boy!

A Boy.

Congratulations!

You Are The Grandparents
Of A Healthy Boy.

( Cheering )

And A Girl.

What?

Twins?

Two Babies?

Yes, Two Babies.

Better Known
As Twins.

A Boy And
A Girl?

Boy-- Pounds,
Ounces.

Girl-- Pounds,
Ounces.

You Already
Knew About This?

Months Ago

When We Saw It
On The Sonogram.

Sondra And Elvin Wanted It
To Be A Surprise For You.

How Is Sondra?

She's Waiting
To See All Of You.

Let's Go.

Dr. Taylor

Let Me See You
For A Second, Please.

Dr. Taylor, I Taught You
Everything You Know.

And You Know
Everything That I Know.

Why Is It That I Only Know
Percent Of What You Know?

Well, I Told You
Everything That I Know

So Now You Know Everything
That I Know.

Well, Thank You Very Much.

I Will Just Make Sure
That My Daughter And Her Husband

Will Name None
Of The Children After You.

I Already Know Their Names.

What Are The Names?

I Can't Tell You.

I Love You, Honey.

You Did Great.

So Did You.

No, You Did
A Lot Better Than I Did.

Baby!

My Baby.

Oh, Mom.

It Was So Hard.

I Know.

Sondra.

Oh, Grandma.

Hi, Sweetheart.

Mom.

Oh, I Can't Wait For You
To See The Babies.

Did The Doctor
Give You Anything?

Yes, When The Pain Hit

I Didn't Think
I Would Make It.

That's
All Right.

A Couple Of Times I Was
Grateful For Anesthesia.

I Kissed My
Anesthesiologist.

Hey, With Heathcliff

I Was Out Cold
The Whole Time.

No One's Asking Me
How I'm Doing.

That's Because You Don't Count.

It Was Unbelievable.

It Was A Miracle.

I Can't Describe
What It Was Like

When I Saw That Little Face.

And Those Ten Little Fingers
And Ten Little Toes.

And Then Another Little Face.

Another Ten Little Fingers
And Ten Little...

Little Fingers And Toes!

And Even Though

They Couldn't See Or Speak

When I Held Them In My Arms

It Felt As If They Knew
That I Was Their Father.

It Was Unbelievable--
One Of Each.

And Both Of Them

From Inside The Body
Of This Beautiful Woman.

( Snoring )

One Of Each,
And I Looked At Them

And They Looked At Me,
And I Looked At Her.

And Then It
Came To Me.

I Made A Decision.

Mom, Dad, Everybody...

I'm Going Back
To Medical School.

Vanessa, Let's Go.

Dad Will Be Here Any Minute
To Take Us To The Hospital.

Okay!

I Had A Good Time
Today, Theo.

I'm Glad, Kenny.

I Like Your Friends.

Especially The Fox.

Forget It.

Julia Is Ten Years
Older Than You.

That's The Way
I Like Them.

Women Live Longer

So I'll Marry
An Older Woman.

You Don't Marry A Woman
Just Because She's Older.

Don't You Want
To Be In Love?

I Don't Need Love.

Just Knowing I'm Going
To Outlive Her

Will Make
Me Happy.

Theo, Let's Go Meet
Your Niece And Your Nephew.

Vanessa!

I'll Be
Right Down.

I Thought Dad Was Coming.

He Was, But He Had
To Deliver A Baby.

Great!

Mom, I Have Some
Spaghetti And Meatballs

Waiting For Us
In The Kitchen.

Oh, Theo,
Thank You.

Vanessa!

I'm Ready.

Mrs. Huxtable,
This Is So Fantastic!

Twins!

That Means You Get
To Pick Out Two Names.

If I Had Twins, I'd Call Them
Ann And Dan Or Sue And Lou

Or Betty And Freddy
Or Jill And Bill

Or Sam And Pam Or Joe And Flo
Or Even Stephanie And Edgar.

They Don't All Have To Rhyme.

Vanessa,
Let's Go.

Go Ahead.
I'll Warm Up Dinner

Because When You Guys Get Back,
You're Going To Be So Hungry.

I Know What It's Like
To Be Really Hungry.

When That Happens To Me,
My Mouth Is Dry

My Head Is Light
And My Stomach's Empty

And My Hands Are All Sweaty
And My Feet Are Aching.

I'm Just Starving.
I Could Eat Anything!

Anything!
I'm Just Starving.

I'm Getting Hungry
Just Thinking About It.

Let's Get
Something To Eat.

I Hope You Don't Eat
The Way You Talk.

( Babies Crying )

I Thought You Were
Bringing The Kids.

I Brought Them.

They're With Sondra.

Aren't They
Beautiful?

Beautiful?

They're Exquisite.

Well, We're
Grandmothers.

I Know.

Tell The Truth.

Didn't Our Grandmothers
Look Older Than We Do?

Yes, Much Older.

You Don't Look
Like A Grandma To Me.

Neither Do You.

I Looked In
The Mirror

And Saw Nothing
Of A Grandma.

Out In The Parking Lot

Two Construction Workers
Whistled At Me.

Well, Of Course
They Did.

We're Young In
Our Lives, Aren't We?

Very Young.

And I'm Looking
Better Every Day.

Thank You.

I Just Don't Know About
This Grandma Business.

They Should Think Of
Another Name For Us

Like "Second Mother"
Or "Mother-Once-Removed."

"Experienced Mother."

"Solid Gold Mother."

How About
"Mother: The Sequel."

Wow, Look At
All Those Babies.

Which Ones Are Ours?

Those Two
Down Front.

They're So Teeny.

I'm Glad
Those Are Ours.

Them Other Babies
Look Pretty Goofy.

Hi, Daddy.

Do You Mind?

No.

What Is Going
On Here?

Nobody Told Me

That You Were Going
To Have Twins.

Nobody Told Me
The Names Of The Twins.

Nelson And Winnie.

I Read It Outside.

I Found Out More
From My Patients

Than I Did From My Own Daughter.

Dad, I Hope You're Not Upset.

We Wanted It To Be A Surprise.

It's All Right.

I Just Wanted To Talk To You

About Those Two Things
Out In The Hallway.

They're For Real, You Know.

Aren't They Beautiful?

Yes, Just Like You Were.

But They Don't Stay That Size.

And Sometimes
They Get Very Ugly.

And I Don't Want You
To Blame Me.

I'm Just So Happy
I Didn't Deliver Them.

No, I'm Not Going
To Be Blaming Anyone.

I'm Looking Forward To Every Day

That I'm Going To Get
To Spend With Them.

That's So Wonderful.

Spoken Just Like A Woman

Whose Children Are
Only Minutes Old.

Well, Will You Baby-Sit?

Yes, Indeed.

You Got A Lot Of Good Times
Ahead Of You.

And I'm Proud Of You.

Thank You.

Now, Dad?

Uh-Huh?

I Want To Say Something.

You Know I Love You.

Yeah.

But Also

I've Loved Having You
As A Father.

Am I Going Somewhere?

No, No.

I Only Pray I Do As Well
With My Children

As You've Done With Yours.

Well, I'll Tell You Something.

It's Impossible.

You Know Why?

Because Good Parents
Are Made By Good Children.

See You, Mommy.

I Now Hereby Enter This House
For The First Time As

Grandpa!

Or Grandpapa, Or Gramps--
I Don't Know What It Is.

How About
"Father: The Sequel"?

No, No.

This Thing About
Being A Grandfather--

I Got To Get Ready

Because My Father
Has Challenged Me Already

And I Know That This Man
Will Try To Outdo Me.

Now, I Know That,
In Terms Of Money

My Father Is Prepared
To Give Cents

Every Time He Sees
His Great-Grandchildren.

See, I've Got To Top That,
So I've Got To Have A Dollar

Because, You Know,
Grandfathers--

They Go In The Pockets,
And You Can Hear The Change.

If These Kids Come
By This House Every Day

They Won't Have To Work Again
As Long As They Live.

What Is This
That Smells So Good?

Oh, This Is Something
That Theo And Howard Did.

Spaghetti And Meatballs.

You're Kidding Me.

My Son Did
Not Do This.

Howard Did This.

This Is Absolutely Delicious.

The Boy Is An A-Student
And An Excellent Cook, To Boot.

I'm Going To Marry Howard.

Yes, I Want You To Marry Howard
So I Can Come Over For Dinner.

Let Me Get The Cheese,
And We'll Do Some Damage.

I Don't Know What
Was More Exciting Today--

The Surprise Of Twins

Or Mr. Elvin Announcing

That He Is Going To Go
To Medical School.

I Know.

Clair?

Clair?

What?

What You Thinking About?

I Was Thinking About Sondra.

It Seems Like Only Yesterday
I Was Holding Her In My Arms.

She Was A Baby.

Yeah.

And Today, My Baby
Had Two Babies.

Now She's A Mother.

Hi!

Hey, Aunt Rudy!

What Do The Babies
Look Like?

What's The Matter
With Mom?

She's A Grandmother.
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