04x12 - The Locker Room

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Ladies And Gentlemen

Lovers Of Magic

And Prestidigitation

I Present For Your Enjoyment
That Mistress Of Illusion

That Madame Of Mystery

That Lady Of Legerdemain--
The Great Rudini!

Thank You, Ladies
And Gentlemen.

And Thank You,
My Loyal Assistant, Mommina.

Are You Ready To Perform Feats
Of Magic, O Great Rudini?

Yes, I'm Ready.

I Hold In My Hand
An Ordinary Drinking Glass.

Please

Hold Your Applause
Until The End.

My Assistant Will Pour
Milk Into The Glass.

Mommina, The Milk.

Ladies And Gentlemen,
Isn't She Beautiful?

Are You Going To Drink
The Milk, O Great Rudini?

No, I'm Going To
Make It Disappear.

Impossible.

You Shall See,
Doubtful One.

I Shall Now Say
The Magic Words.

Abracadabra, Hocus Pocus,
Make This Milk Go Out Of Focus.

Wait!

There Is More.

Really?

What Has Happened To
The Milk, O Great Rudini?

The Milk Has Become
A Beautiful Silk Scarf.

Fantastic! Fantastic!

How Did You Do That?

I Cannot Reveal My Secrets
To Mere Mortals.

I'm Sorry.

The Mere Mortal Apologizes.

Would You Go Off
To Your Magic Room?

Thank You And Good Night.

You Were A Terrific Audience.

Isn't She Something?

That's Not Bad.

How Did She Do That?

As The Magician's Assistant,
I'm Sworn To Secrecy.

How Did She Do It?

I'm Serious.

I Promised Her
I'd Never Tell.

Okay, I'll Find Out Somehow.

Hey, Dad.
Hey, Mom.

Son, Before You Go Out,
Let Me Know

Because You And I Have
Some Detective Work To Do.

Sure.

Did I Get Any Phone Calls?

There's Some Messages For You

On That Pad.

Denny, Smitty And Lyle.

Theo, Wait.

Lyle Didn't Call For You.

What?

He Called For Vanessa.

Why Did He Call Vanessa?

He Asked Her To A Movie.

You Gave Vanessa Permission
To Go Out With Lyle Thompson?

They're Going To An Early Show.

But You Don't Even Know The Guy.

He's Your Friend.

He's Been Here A Million Times.

Where's Vanessa?

In Her Room.

Okay, Thanks.

The Glass Has A False Bottom.

Nope.

She Didn't Have Tubes
Running Up Her Arm?

Not Even Close.

You're Never Going To Get This.

Then Tell Me.

Oh, No.

I'm Going Down
To The Magic Shop

And Then I'll
Make You Disappear.

Then I'm Going To
Make Her Disappear.

I'll Make Everybody Disappear

If I Don't Find Out
How That Trick Works.

People Will Ask

"What Happened To His Family?"

"He Put Them In A Glass

And They
Disappeared."

The Milk Has Become
A Beautiful Silk Scarf.

Wow!

How Did You Do That?

I Cannot Reveal
My Secrets.

Vanessa, I Need
To Talk To You.

Who Dares Interrupt
The Great Rudini?

This Will Only
Take A Minute.

Okay.

I Hear You're Going On A Date
With Lyle Thompson.

He Asked Me To Go
To A Movie With Him.

I Don't Think
It's A Good Idea.

Why Not?

A Lot Of Reasons.

Like What?

First, He's A Junior
And You're A Freshman.

He's Two Years Older!

So What?

Dad Is Four Years
Older Than Mom.

Yeah, But They're Old.

It Doesn't Matter
To Them Anymore.

Age Doesn't Matter
To Me, Either.

Women Live An Average Of Five
Years Longer Than Men.

You're Involved With A Guy
Who Will Die Way Before You.

What Am I Supposed To Do--
Date Someone Rudy's Age?

You Can Ask Out Bud.

I Didn't Want To
Talk About This

But There Are Other Reasons
You Shouldn't Go Out With Lyle.

He's Got Experience.

Experience In What?

If You Don't Know

That's Another Reason You
Shouldn't Go Out With Him.

I Think Lyle's Nice,
So I'm Going Out With Him.

Believe Me, You Should Not
Go Out With Him.

I'm Only Saying This
Because I Care.

You Never Seemed To Care
About Me Before.

Okay, I Tried To Be Sensible.

I Tried To Be Understanding.

Now, I Have To Pull Rank.

As Your Older Brother,
I Forbid You To See Lyle.

You Forbid Me?

I Didn't Know An Older
Brother Could Do That.

Well, I Can.

Get Out Of Here.

Only Mom Or Dad
Can Forbid Something.

But I'm Responsible For
Things That Slide By Them.

If Mom And Dad Make A Mistake
In Judgment, I Step In.

I'm Sorry, Theo.

I Am Going Out

With Lyle Thompson.

Okay, Vanessa.

But I'm Warning You.

You Could End Up A Shattered
Woman Laying In A Gutter Saying

"I Should Have Listened To Theo,
But Now It's Too Late."

Poof! He's Gone.

Thank You.

Man, I Just Love
Dodge Ball.

They Should Put It
In The Olympics.

Hey, Guys.

What's Up?

Lyle, Lover Boy.

How About A Report?

A Report?

Yeah.

How Was Your Date With Vanessa?

Give Us Details.

Hurry Up, Huxtable's
In The Shower.

I Have Nothing To Tell.

Nothing Happened
Between You And Vanessa?

No, I'm Not Saying That.

So, Something Did Happen?

Maybe.

You Know
Something?

This Man Got Nowhere.

Yeah?

Yeah.

When Vanessa Went Out With Me,
She Was A Freshman.

Now, She's Ready
For Graduation.

Everyone:
All Right.

Man, They Ought To Fix
Those Showers.

Nothing Comes Out
But Cold Water.

Lyle, You Better
Get In There.

You Could Use
A Cold Shower.

What's That
Supposed To Mean?

Nothing, Lyle's
Just Overheated.

What Did You
Tell These Guys?

About What?

You Were Talking
About Vanessa.

I Said I Had
A Good Time.

Did He Ever.

Tell Them
What Happened.

My Dad Drove You And
Vanessa To The Theater

And When The Movie Ended,
Drove You Straight Home.

Who Knows What Vanessa's
Like In A Movie Theater

When Her Dad's
Not Around.

Straighten
These Guys Out.

Tell Them
Nothing Happened.

What Goes On
Between Me And Vanessa

Is Our Business.

He's Right.

You Have To Respect His Privacy.

I Don't Have
To Tell You

About Any Date
With Vanessa.

Oooh.

There's Not Going To Be
Another Date With Vanessa.

Understand?

I'm Taking Her
To The Library.

What For?

There's Nothing Left
For Her To Study.

(Guffaws)

You Guys Are Slime.

You Need To Be Put Away.

I'm Sick And Tired

Of Seeing Your Faces.

Abracadabra, Hocus-Pocus,
Make This Water Go Out Of Focus.

Well, Look At That.

It Seems That
Your Father

Has Spilled
Some Water.

I See That.

How Do You Suppose
That Happened?

Maybe He Tried
To Drink It

And Missed
His Mouth.

No, You Made So Much Noise

You Sounded Like Horses
Coming Down The Stairs.

You Frightened Me.

Dad, You Were Trying To
Do My Trick, Weren't You?

The Trick Can
Only Be Done

By The Great Rudini.

Hah, Hah, Hah.

Mom, Dad, We've Got To Talk.

Okay.

What's Up?

I Think You Made A Mistake

Letting Vanessa
Go Out With Lyle.

He Chases Women.

Really?

Yes.

I've Presented Lyle
As A Good Guy.

I Never Told You What He Says
In The Locker Room About Women

After He Catches Them.

What Does He Say?

You Know.

I Know?

See, Lyle Has Had
These Experiences.

What Kind Of Experiences?

The Kind You Can't Talk About

In Front Of
Your Mother.

Will You Say
What You Have To Say?

Mom, Dad, Lyle Thompson

Is Going To Lead Your Daughter
Down The Road To Degradation.

Little Lyle?

The Boy Who Cried

When His Mom Was Late Picking
Him Up From Your Birthday Party?

That Was Eight Years Ago.

He's A Man Now.

The Guy Knows
What He's Doing.

He Even Joined The Latin Club.

And That Makes Him A Man?

Don't You See?

The Latin Club Is Mostly Girls.

That's Why He Joined.

He's Always On The Prowl.

Now He's Prowling
After Your Daughter.

We Shouldn't Let Vanessa
Go Out With Him?

Not If You're Worried About
The Reputation Of Your Daughter

And The Family Name.

If You Let Vanessa
Go Out With Lyle

It Could Hurt You
Professionally.

Thank You Very Much, Son,
For Your Viewpoint.

But I Want You To Know

We Raised Two Older Daughters
Prior To This One.

You Aren't Going To Stop Vanessa
From Going Out With Lyle?

No, We Know Our Daughters.

They'll Do The Right Thing.

Okay.

I Have One
Thing To Say:

This Is A Sad Day
For The Huxtable Family.

Cliff?

Huh?

What Do Guys Talk About
In The Locker Room?

The Usual Things, Dear.

Um... Recipes...

Different Kinds Of Hair Spray,
Nail Polish.

You Talked About Women
In The Locker Room, Didn't You?

Mm-Hmm.

After A Date, What Did You Say?

I Told Them

"She's Intelligent,
She's Beautiful

"She's Sensitive,
And She's My Equal

And If Clair Ever Finds Out,
She'll k*ll Me."

So, Tell Me.

What Happened When You And Lyle
Got To The Movies?

Well, Dad Let Us Out.

We Went In, And
Lyle Bought The Tickets.

I Offered To Buy My Ticket

But He Said, "No, You Can
Buy The Popcorn."

I Hope You Bought A Large Tub
So You Could Share.

Of Course.

Lyle Was Such A Gentleman.

He Put My Seat Down,
And There Was Popcorn In It.

He Brushed It Off.

Oooh.

The Lights Went Out,
And The Movie Started.

We Watched Awhile,
And Then It Happened.

What Happened?

We Reached Into The Popcorn Box
At The Same Time.

(Squealing)

And Our Hands Touched.

We Sat There Watching
The Rest Of The Movie

With Our Hands
In The Popcorn Box.

That Is So Romantic.

Then Dad Drove Us Home.

Lyle And I Sat In The Back Seat.

Dad Watched Us
Through The Rear-View Mirror.

(Knocking)

Hey, Theo.

Hey, Janet.

Vanessa,
Remember Yesterday

When I Tried To Forbid You
To See Lyle?

Yes.

I Was Wrong, And I Apologize.

Apology Accepted.

But I Want You To Know
One Thing.

Your Name Is Being Dragged
Through The Mud.

By Whom?

You Know How Guys Talk.

Do You Realize

What This
Is Doing

To Your Reputation,
And Mine?

How Could This Affect
Your Reputation?

If Guys Talk About You And Lyle,
That Reflects On Me

Because I'm Your Brother.

You're Not Worried About Me.

You're Worried About Yourself.

I'm Popular At School.

I'm A Senior.

I Don't Want To Go
Down In Flames With You.

Then I'd Better Tell You

What We Are Doing
This Afternoon.

What?

We're Not Really Going
To The Library.

We're Going
To A Motel.

And After Today,
I'm Going To Dump Lyle

And Start Dating
All Your Friends.

And After She's Done,
I'm Going To Date Them.

You Guys Think
This Is Funny, Huh?

Yes.
Yes.

All Right.

I've Tried To Appeal
To Your Sense Of Decency.

You Scoffed At Me.

Now I Really Forbid You.

Did You Hear Him?

"You Scoffed At Me."

You Sound Like
An Old Person.

I Don't Care.

If You Want To
Go Out With Lyle

You Have To Get Past Me.

Theo, Get Out.

Vanessa,
I'm Serious.

Come On, Theo, Move.

Don't Even Try.

You're Not
Getting Past Me.

Move.

Vanessa...

Ouch.

Hey, Hey,
Stop That.

Dad, Get Them Off
Before I Hurt Them.

Stop It!

Dad, Let Me Tell You

What's Going On.

I Don't Want To Know.

Dad, You're
A Father.

You're Supposed
To Ask What's Wrong

And Solve Our Problem.

It Doesn't Work That Way
Today, Okay?

I'm Tired. Good-Bye.

All Right,
I'm Leaving.

But Next Time, I'm Not
Going To Be So Easy On You.

(Squealing)

(Doorbell Ringing)

Oh, It's You.

Would You Tell Vanessa
I'm Here?

You Might As Well Come In.

Everything Else Went Wrong.

Vanessa

Your Date Is Here.

Be Right Down.

Don't Try Anything With Vanessa.

She's Tough.

Why Would I?

I Really Like Your Sister.

I Heard You Guys Laughing Today.

You Must Have Said
Something About Her.

I Did, But Nothing Different
Than What I Usually Say.

If You Said Your "Usual" About
My Sister, You Were Lying.

What Was I
Supposed To Do?

If I Told
The Truth--

That I Opened The Door For Her,
That We Held Hands

That I Didn't Even Kiss Her--

They Would Have
Called Me A Wimp.

That Was My Sister
You Were Talking About.

I Know.

What If It Wasn't Your Sister,
And I Told You The True Story?

What Would You Say?

I'd Say You're A Wimp.

You Talk About Girls A Lot.

Don't You Bend The Truth
A Little?

No, I Stand By
Everything I've Ever Said.

What About Lana?

You Said You Were With Her
In Your Bedroom.

Absolutely True.

You Said You Were Feeling Weak
Because Of What Happened

In That Bedroom.

I Never Told You, But
I Ran Into Lana The Next Day.

You Did?

Yeah.

And She Mentioned That
You Had The Flu.

She Said Your Mom
Was There The Whole Time

And They Fed You Soup And
Helped You With A Jigsaw Puzzle.

So? I Didn't Lie.

I Said I Was Weak From Being
In My Room All Day.

Face It, Theo, You're A Wimp.

I Know, But You Are, Too.

Hi, Lyle.

Hi, Lyle.

Hey, Janet.

Hi, Vanessa.

These Are For You.

Oh, Thank You.

They're Beautiful.

Could You Put These
In Water?

Sure.

Well, I Guess
We Should Go.

I Guess So.

I'm Ready.

Bye, Janet.
Bye, Theo.

Bye.

See Y'all Later.

Now That One Of Your Friends
Is Going With Vanessa

Maybe You'd Be Interested

In Going With One
Of Her Friends.

She's About
My Size

With The Same Color Eyes
As Mine.

I Would, But I'm Afraid

You Girls Would Talk
Behind My Back.

We Wouldn't Say Anything
Guys Wouldn't.

Then We're Never Going Out.

How's That
Ice Cream?

Good. Chocolate's
My Favorite.

Yes, I Know.

Would You Like
Some More?

More Hot Fudge?

No, Thanks.

What About Some...
Some Chopped Nuts?

Just A Sprinkle.

Chopped Nuts Coming Up.

♪ Good Old Chopped Nuts ♪

Thank You.

All Right.

You Know, I Was

Really Amazed At How You Were
Doing All That Magic.

But I Think

A Magician Is Only As Good
As His Or Her Assistant.

Is That So?

Yes.

I Have Nothing Against Mommina.

But You Need
Someone

Who Can Give You
That Flair... That Ta-Da!

Someone Who Can Divert
The Audience's Attention

So That You Can Do Your Thing.

Who Do
You Know

That Can Do That?

Mom Told Me You Wanted
To Be My Assistant.

Really?

She Said It Was All Right.

Good, In Order To Make This
A Crack Duo

I Will Have To Know

How The Trick Works
With The Glass And Milk.

I Don't Do That Trick Anymore.

I'm Learning A New Trick.

But You Can Help Me.

What Is It?

Sawing My Assistant In Half.

No, No, You're Not
Sawing Me In Half.

Okay, Then Help Me With
The Disappearing Caterpillars.

Disappearing Caterpillars?
How's That Work?

First, My Assistant Has To Take
The Caterpillars Out Of This.

Okay, We Got
The Caterpillars Here.

So Then I Just...

♪ Da-Da, Da-Dum Da-Dum Da-Da ♪

♪ Voom Da-Deedley
Za Vo Vam ♪

♪ Zaka Duka Bam ♪